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For the Ladies: Being at Peace with Porn

For the Ladies: Being at Peace with Porn

I used to be painfully insecure about my boyfriend(s) watching porn when I was a younger woman. I would just have a sobbing fit if I found out they were watching it behind my back or even popped an erection if they caught the sight of a sexy woman on TV (never mind porn)!

Over the years, and after much reading and actually opening up and talking about sex with my partners, the commonality of why each of the men watched porn was not about their lack of love or attraction to me, it was something very insignificant and impulsive at the time, not really much different than the urge for me to go cut a piece of chocolate cake and stuff it in my face while standing over the sink hoping not to be noticed.

Men watching porn has had them hiding out and not talking about it with us because we as women have created this false belief that they want them instead of us. We see a tight-body wearing Fredericks of Hollywood who have prettier genitals than we might have, and suddenly we don’t feel so great.

*Newsflash* Men do not love these women. They know these women are playing dress-up for a video and it’s meant to entice the visual stimulation men can respond to, in order to get a quick erection and release. It’s the actual act of sex they see that they are becoming aroused by, not the women they see as people. It’s an image, nothing more. They love the women they have relationships with, and guaranteed if given a choice, they will likely prefer real sex with you than a moment’s notice masturbation session.

This is mainly for women to understand, but I invite comments from both men and women to give their thoughts. But here is my guide for women on why you/they/we shouldn’t feel threatened by porn.

Auntie Ozanne’s Guide to Being at Peace with Porn

1. He doesn’t care what she looks like, she’s just an image that entices him for a moment, just like a red '67 Mustang Coupe that zips by on the street. When the guy fishes for porn, naturally he’ll look for something that visually stimulates him. If it’s a dark-haired girl he prefers over a blonde, fine. But what if you’re blonde?! Don’t worry. The actual look of the girl as a package is just like a kid looking for a Lego set. The colours will fit as he puts something together that’s pleasing to the eye only at that moment.

2. You are his type. You are the woman he loves, talks to, brags about, takes home to his parents, and maybe wants a future with. Not the girl in porn. That girl is likely not even a fantasy. She was a thing, for a moment that got him off. Men can even get off to Hentai, and that's just animation, so it further proves that men just want to watch sex, not wish they had the girl on screen. When you can eliminate the personification of what she is, you can understand that his porn-watching is more of a habit, but you are his actual life. She is a thing, but you are you: her -- a person.

3. He’s bored and you’re not there. You might even be on your period, or you’re just having a troll day and not in the mood. Men masturbate, and studies show that it’s more often than we care to know. It’s one thing for a man to lay in bed and just masturbate lost in thought, that could take a longer time, and he’d be mortified if you came home and found him that way. Instead, in a matter of minutes, porn can just get it over with. Us ladies are the ones who can masturbate to nothing and orgasm through fantasy. It’s a bit more difficult for men. Most men need to actually see something to make it happen and have it happen quickly. Masturbation is healthy and natural, and we as humans are not expected to just reserve our urge for sex with our partners. Masturbating is completely normal to do on our own even in a good relationship.

4. Men want to talk about sex, but only if the women they are with are cool about it. I have found many men are deeply private about admitting they watch porn and have climaxed to it. They don't even like analyzing the sex they have with us. But if the approach from us women is non-accusatory, talking about sex, masturbation, and porn -- it helped me understand that I am not failing as a girlfriend if he chooses to watch porn sometimes. Being open, having a laugh, and getting to the core issue of why a guy likes porn ends up reassuring both the guy and girl in the relationship that their intimacy is unmatched compared to whatever urge he had while watching porn. Just the fact he can talk about it, and know you won’t get upset brings him closer to you, and in some ways, makes his porn watching habit come to light for him about how it’s not as necessary as a go-to than sex with his own woman.

5. Men will almost always go nuts if you explore porn together. If you can’t lick’em join ‘em. If you are open to it, see what the fuss is, and watch where the attention actually turns to if you watch porn with your guy. If you are first-timers and put porn on together, the shyness will disappear fast if you find something agreeable to watch. If you become aroused by it, show him, you may just find he will be staring at you and not the porn. This is where I say the act of sex gets to him, more than who the girl is. But if 3D sex is to be enjoyed, he will inevitably prefer watching you please yourself to porn.

Porn, taken in light doses and meant to enhance pleasure in a relationship as a way to find simple relief is not a threat. It can be enjoyed by couples or during one’s alone time within a relationship.

When Porn is a Problem

If you are both not having sex anymore whatsoever because of porn addiction, it means it has become habit-forming and the intimacy between you is gone. Sex and masturbating is learned behaviour, and just like a teenager who quietly masturbates in their room afraid to be heard, their habits are hard to transfer out of when finding real intimacy with a girl. These things are learned from the beginning, and new habits of having sex and/or masturbating can take over. If masturbating to porn becomes a replacement, couples counselling might be able to give the couple tips on how to rejuvenate their intimacy together.

If porn is questionable. If your partner is viewing illegal porn, you need to have a conversation about this and get to the core of why this is appealing to them. This definitely requires communication together and likely with a therapist to understand the underlying problem of why taboo or illegal porn is preferred. It no longer that particular porn that is the only problem, but the reason behind why your partner is watching the type of porn that they are.

If porn is interactive. If your partner is spending real money on real women to perform a sex act live for him, or involves some chat, this can be considered cheating to many. Now we have a real woman included who was not supposed to even know your partner’s name, and now she does. When the porn affects your finances and becomes more than just viewing the act of a nameless, faceless woman but rather becomes a tool to knowingly communicate sexually with a woman, this too can be crossing the line. This is not the kind of porn I refer to in the myTake. Again, identifying that this is unacceptable and visiting a therapist can get to the root of the problem of why your partner feels the need to communicate with women now instead of just viewing sex.

Should you break up?

My first reaction is no. Communication first, find out if porn really is your problem or if it's some insecurity you have with porn that can be improved if you understand how insignificant porn really is to a guy. If you compare it to my chocolate cake comparison, find something in your life that might be equivalent to his porn-watching. Something in your life that is non-threatening to your feelings for your guy that is also something you hate admitting to. Only if porn has become harmful in your relationship by the way of an addiction that interrupts your lives for the worse, should you talk to your partner and consider your options for your future happiness. It doesn't always have to be as dramatic as we think, but men also need to be sensitive to how we might take it, and talk to us to give us reassurance too.

For the Ladies: Being at Peace with Porn
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  • AdenAK
    I watch porn even if my girlfriend is available. When I was younger we fucked like nobodies business. But after while the same body gets boring. I think this is not entirely true because my girlfriend is white and a blonde. When I masturbate to black girls or mixed chicks she is more hurt because they dont look like her. This suggests I want something different that she can't provide me. I was thinking about this yyesterday and realised it makes sense. my girlfriend is white so she feels that what I want something she cannot provide me with. Now I ask her for nudes to show her I like her bbody and I masturbate to porn then delete history lol. My point is women have a reason to be insecure because as far as I know if the girl isn't hot in porn then people wouldont click that video. Think about it like this would you watch a porn video if the girl was ugly and flat? It's not just the sex but the girl having it. By the way not all guys watch porn. It's a load of shit. Just like not all guys masturbate.

    Im interested to know how would you feel if your boyfriend found another girl aattractive that? Many girls get upset and insecure about this. But @Ozanne by your logic it means you would be fine that he finds some random girl aaattractive. My point is that if your boyfriend found a random girl attractive why is it okay to be insecure but if it's a porn girl you shouldn't be? It's the same thing he's atrracTed to both of them.

    Porn instills in women that they nneed to measure up to these pornstars. That's why there rightfully insecure because it suggests if your not like them then your boyfriend ddoesnt find you as appealing otherwise he'd masturbate to you or intiate sex rather then wank to porn Chicks.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Ozanne

      Maybe it's my age. I'm just done with all this insecure shit. My husband has yanked his head right around to look at another woman and I totally don't care. It's hard to when later on he tells me how gorgeous he thinks I am. Men like to look at things that entice them. As I mentioned, it could be a woman, a car driving by, a BBQ'd steak, a ball game.. I'm not an idiot. LOL I guess if more people would just accept that not everything people look at is a threat there wouldn't be half the problems people have in relationships.

      And it's funny you mention the black women in porn. I'm white and blonde too. My husband as a preference to watch black women when he watches porn. I don't get why, and I don't really care. It's just something. He told me once he loves the look of dark skin, like chocolate. Well, I'm not like that at all, but he knows other men stare at me and check me out, so he knows he has a woman who other men find beautiful. Maybe he thinks he's got the best of both worlds?

    • Ozanne

      And by that, yeesh I'm not excluding race, I'm just talking about his own preference. (Before I forget.)

Most Helpful Girl

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • ThatGuy98
    Ladies, you don't have to settle for a guy that watches porn! If he can't respect you enough to cut out that shit, then how can he respect you in other parts of your relationship. Porn will do nothing but harm your relationship and mess with his head, trust me, I know.
    • rthomas43

      Shut up.

    • Ozanne

      You know because, why?-- you had girlfriends who couldn't understand why watching porn (or even masturbating at all?) was actually not what they thought it was?

    • Excessive porn u mean

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  • safeplace
    this is my opinion on this subject, i don't believe men need to look at porn at all, and we don't, if that guy does its either he has a problem and some do, or your body may not entice him any more probably do to the over whelming amount of porn that's out there. ladies you and your body's should be the only thing a man needs to stimulate his sexual desires, not a multitude of naked women , and yes they are images very true but a mans brain especially when it comes to porn, those images are still there whens have sexually time with you, flashing before his eyes depending on how much stimuli he needs to keep it up, its called losing sight of your true beauty and a appreciation for your sexual image. it only takes a single image and its all down hill from there no matter how much you want to sugar coat it really, and the boat can go both ways either you may have stopped caring about pleasing him visually which is bad because men are very much visually stimulated , or caring about how you look. this is probably most cases he's lost his genuine appreciation for you, for one or a number of reasons most cases his own fault, but my main point is don't compromise with porn your beauty is more then enough MORE then enough truly ladies your heart, your charm, and your sex appeal ladies. porn is like an ant trap its pheromones entices the ants but kills the relationship in the end , its only there to corrupt and take the attention.
    • OH MY GOD! Your answer gave me heart palpitations as a girl who is struggling with a man who has a wandering eye. Please Sir, if you have a lady in your life let that woman know she is the most blessed, luckiest woman on the planet and I envy her haha

    • mangaka92

      Was just about to write this, but it looks like you beat me to it! Nicely said, as well.

    • safeplace

      thanks PrincessTashaaaa and mandaha92, to PrincessTashaaaa i wish i did have a lucky lady, but i don't right now...

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  • BelleGirl21
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Vlk_sRU49TI#

    I refuse to believe that porn is as innocent as chocolate. Not all guys do it. And there are very real and negative side effects both individually and in relationships.
    • Lol I am very confused as to how this relates. You take ted bundy an infamous serial killer of the 70's and say he was driven to commit the acts that he committed by watching porn? His entire prerogative was based on the fact his high school girlfriend left him. He only killed the girls who looked like her. The only reason he ever mentioned PORN in any of his interviews or documentaries is because it was a cop out; wouldn't you try to blame it on an exterior motive when convicted to get off the electric chair? I think porn can affect a person who is susceptible to the acts on there but to every other guy.. hell no. Bundy was the classic case of Nature in the Nature vs Nurture debate however he had no physical abuse nor emotional abuse in his past so I am unsure of how Ted Bundy relates to this post up there. If you say Jeffrey Dahmer he is the opposite end of the spectrum and I could see how that would work.

    • @ordinarygentlemen I'm not saying porn is what caused his actions but it definitely affected them. And I found the observation of "every violent criminal he met had an addiction to porn" to be very interesting.
      He died hours after that interview. Why would he still need a cop out?
      I'm not saying everyone who watches porn will become a criminal but just like anything adficting, you don't know the extent it will effect you. Saying it's completely harmless like the take owner is saying is naive at best.

    • @ordinarygentleman

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  • creepycreeper
    I'm going to be brutally honest here. Porn can be bad for a relationship if it detracts attention from your partner. That applies to both men and women.
    • Ozanne

      I don't disagree. You're right, if the porn becomes a replacement or a habit that creates a divot in the relationship.

  • ccp16
    this is a great take, I hope many girls read this and learn!

    also, the second part is really useful for the guys too, because it can be a real problem for some! I do know some addicts and it is sad...
    • Ozanne

      Thanks, and I know for sure I've responded to individual questions about porn on this site and several times I'm either selected as MH for easing their minds, or I'm just told in a comment opinion that they feel better that it wasn't as bad as they thought it was. That, to me, is gratifying - just making one more woman out there not feel so bad about herself or feel terrible about what her boyfriend is doing. Porn has its limits as I mentioned. But the casual-watching of basic sex acts to me really is harmless.

      At first, my husband would sneak his porn-watching until I talked to him about it to let him know I was fine and he didn't have to feel like he was doing something wrong - in fact, I told him if he finds something good, to let me know and I'll watch it with him. Our communication about sex has never been better compared to any man I was with, and he actually reduced how much porn he watches because I think he knows it's not something I'll ever prohibit him from doing.

  • aneleda
    Neither my husband nor me watch porn. (I know because I have access to his computer, browser history, passwords etc.) It isn't a realistic depiction of sex, it doesn't even turn me on... I watched it several times back in college just to check how fake it is. So, I am at peace with porn (or rather absence of it).
    • So basically you sit on his computer and check what he is up to? No man needs to date a creep.

    • aneleda

      I don't. But he trusts me enough (in case something happened to my computer I can always use his without asking). Our screens are turned to each other too. Same rules apply to my computer, he can use it and sees my screen too. And we aren't dating, we've been married for years. All the porn addicts down-voting my comment just make me laugh.

    • KidInk4

      Do you control his life?

  • Onyx277
    I've never had a problem with being with a guy who watched porn. I agree, it is clearly for visual stimulation and he does not want to be with, or ever will even get the chance to be with any of these women. in my opinion it's a lot better than cheating or going to a stripclub, and can be not that much different from a woman fantasizing over a guy she sees on a movie.
    • KidInk4

      Do you watch it yourself?

    • Onyx277

      @KidInk4

      Very rarely, and I have no desire to watch it with the guy. I just don't care if he does when I'm not around as long as it is not illegal porn.

    • KidInk4

      "illegal"?

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  • Red_Arrow
    Wonderful myTake, as usual for you! You often have the same thoughts as I, but you do such a better job of expressing yourself. It is always enjoyable to read your myTakes, questions, and opinions. This one really seemed to nail it!
  • jjmarvin
    wait so custom porn is bad? what if you have a very specific scenario/fetish you want fulfilled in your porn viewing?

    and what do you mean effecting your finances? i make ok money and i can afford everything i own, a fun fund, and a custom clip/camshow/call if i ever get the urge.
    • Ozanne

      I wrote an explanation on viewing specific scenario/fetishes in a comment below. I didn't really see a problem in that. I do have a problem with things that are illegal, no need to mention specifics about that. I think people know when they watch something illegal that they shouldn't. Also affecting finances is just that. Affecting finances. If one person is watching porn spending an unexplainable amount of cash on porn and the other partner isn't aware of where their [shared] income is going (this is usually for married couples) then it's not being entirely honest. We all make purchases all the time without having to tell our partners what we're spending our money on, but like anything, spending money secretly on a habit isn't that great.

  • Miss_Behave
    Excellent mytake!! It's definitely something I needed to read. Thank you for writing it!!

    My guy and I are long distance and yes, he watches porn too. I have no problem with it because I watch it too (tho maybe not as much) but I'll have to admit that sometimes it did bother me a bit because I thought we could fool around over text/sext instead (which we do too sometimes, btw) but then it also hit me that unlike women, men are visual creatures, just like what you wrote.

    I won't lie that there was a time when I got hurt thinking I wasn't enough to turn him on anymore but he said that wasn't the case at all and he really enjoys sex with me whenever we're together. Apart from getting off, he said he watches it as it gives him some ideas on what we could do/try together or it's just simply what he wishes we were doing at that point of time.

    Being long distance, I do know that he gets frustrated when he's horny (he's expressed it to me) and feels deprived because I'm not always there when he wants/needs me and so he turns to porn (or watches some of the videos we made together) to get off.

    I've come to accept this part of him even more as I thought things out and realize it's all very normal. Also, he only does this whenever we're apart, unless we're actually watching it together when we see each other. He's told me that I'm the first girl he's been with who actually watches porn with him and he finds that very sexy.

    That being said, reading your mytake has opened up my mind on this subject even more and I'm so thankful I happened to stumble upon it. Thank you once again for this excellent mytake. It was really what I needed to read! :)
  • LightUp
    Here what you need to know ladies and Gents , If he watches porn while being in a relationship

    HE ain't FOR YOU !
  • vishna
    I don't watch porn, it's just not something that gets me off, it's too trashy most of the time. If I wanted to watch people have sex, and actually get aroused, I would watch people making love. (and maybe there's some porn out there like that)

    In my relationship, neither of us watches porn. My boyfriend doesn't. And I don't. He would dislike it if I did. And I wouldn't like it if he did.

    Communication about these topics is the key to a happy and healthy relationship.
  • TheSpartan
    This is one of the first takes I've read that isn't complete bullshit.
  • Hidden_P
    I don't mind porn at all. I put it down to having brothers - 4 older brothers and a dad, being the only girl. You get used to it.
    I watch it occasionally. I've made it clear to my partner I don't mind if he watches it. I have no "rules" I just ask that if I'm around I would prefer if he approached me for sex (my sex drive is much higher than his so even if I'm not in the mood I will be soon) or if I'm on my period he's welcome. I've offered to watch
    • Hidden_P

      With him but he won't. Perhaps he's scared I'll learn his preference but more likely he's never had a girl so accepting of it.
      I can see why women get upset. Id love to have a body of a porn star. But no I have a body of a small, dumpy, mumsy woman, and my body tells a story. Yeah I'm a bit fat - it runs in the family, medication hadn't helped, I'm not very well and my love of pizza is big. But really, as long as it's not a health problem, be who you want, do what you want, watch what you want.
      Until you become like my brother - a nocturnal, porn obsessed jobless dude with no reason to change.

    • KidInk4

      So if you grew up with all girls, do you think it would have been different?

    • Hidden_P

      I think I would have been more surprised by it, but because men are a bit less subtle with these things, I grew up with it.@kidink4

  • Creole_Flavor
    I love porn lol. What's interesting is that most women think all guys are porn obsessed but I've never been with a man that actually likes porn or watches it's not real enough for them so I never had to deal with feeling jealous or whatever other emotions women feel when their man watches porn.
    • KidInk4

      Proof or it ain't true

    • @KidInk4 Believe it or not I have nothing to lie about those are my own experiences. No proof needed.

  • JuicyBrain
    Wow ! I couldn't have said it better ! You really nailed it ! Do you have a church I can sign up to? lol
    • Ozanne

      LOL *flattered*

    • JuicyBrain

      It is actually the second take for which I feel like our views really align. The first one was about feminism I think. Is it because we have nearly the same age? I am already following you and this take make me feel like it was a good decision.

    • Ozanne

      Yeah, I think so (re: our ages) - there aren't a whole lot of people in their late 30s and up on this site. When I do see them we usually have more in common of course.

      I have a soft spot in my heart for teenage girls and helping them through their issues, because I wish there had been a site like this when I was a teen and really could have used some instant anonymous help. I'm sort of here giving back to the girl who needed it most at one time -- me, my teenaged self. :)

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  • TheDevilInside
    Guys watch porn. It's a fact, just like the fact that guys are hairier than girls. Why some women can't accept this fact is beyond me.
    • Ozanne

      LOL!! :D Yes, true.

    • kaybay

      Im glad the guys I know don't

  • HookingSwan
    I actually already knew this, since ehem confession: I kind of sometimes like to go one on one with the help of porn (lol) just as a visual aid to get me aroused more easily. But even the men that appear there, sure i can recognize them as fit or whatever, still what i imagine is how good it would b if my boyfriend and me were the ones doing such ehem acts. So yeah i wouldn't have a problem with my guy watching porn. Also, i kind of think he prefers the real things. Dont ask me how i know this 😳 😅
    • Thing*

    • Ozanne

      You know this because you know him better than anyone else does! :) Plenty of women watch porn too, and many form their own habits on how to orgasm to it. Usually it's these women that can have more of an understanding to their men why they watch porn because we can relate to it the same way.

    • Let me just say Great MyTake by the way :)

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  • thank you!

    i think every women in this site should read this mytake. you won't believe how many questions chicks ask here, almost on a weekly basis relating to them and their insecurities on taking porn too serious.

    lmao this also reminds me of another article i once read that was written by an amateur. she said that women who have boyfriends that enjoy milf porn should feel terrified introducing them to their mother's. i gotta say that i almost had a heart attack after reading that
  • sephylove
    The thing is, it's not JUST an image. It's a girl, usually really pretty, naked and beautiful. Im sure if it was only the act of sex and the type of girl didn't matter, then masturbation, fetish, blonde, teen, milf and lesbian sections etc would not exist. I guess its the fact that a guy would willingly choose to bust a nut to a girl who looks nothing like me. Sure, I understand that men get aroused by the female figure, and sometimes you can't control a boner. But you can control jerking off and being aroused and satisfied looking at another girl when you have a girlfriend, who sends you nudes, vids, and even masterbates on cam with you. Not to mention sex. I don't know, it just really bothers me.
    • Ozanne

      The way I changed my thinking about this, is much like how we prefer to eat a dessert. Our favourite could be strawberry cheesecake, but if you go somewhere and the chocolate fudge brownie looks pretty damn good, then we don't feel so guilty - it's just food and it's just for the moment. The guy is just choosing to look at one thing at that moment that happened to do it for him (notice I didn't say woman). It's not often a guy will have a preference either on just one porn star. Usually it's just whoever at the time. And pretty much all girls in porn have tight bodies and try to look good (though some look painfully gross). It's not like there's a site called, "XXX Girls Who Look Like YOUR Girlfriend" or "Hardcore Ordinary Girls". The majority of things clicked on online come from porn pros and not as much amateurs. Even then, the amateurs get themselves dolled up for their five minutes of fame.

    • sephylove

      I do see your point. And honestly I used to be okay with it. Then one of my ex's when I was with him would would a lot of milf and exotic older women porn. First I was like whatever, but then he kind of acted upon those fantasies and I found out he'd been texting and talking to older women on dating sites. Kind of wrecked me, since I thought it was just porn too at first. But now I think every guy does this, messed me up. :/

    • Ozanne

      Oh god, yeah that's bad because that's no longer enjoying porn, instead that is finding a vehicle to support their cheating with interactive porn. But remember people can cheat without porn too, so that can't always be a red flag. Guys commit to their women and watch some porn, and some guys cheat yet don't even own an iPad. I think if we really opened up more communication about it with our men the more they will know how we're seeing it through their eyes.

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  • BunnyRose12
    I used to be insecure when I was dating my ex and he watched porn a lot. I thought it was because he didn't liked the way I looked and I never really understood why guys liked it but one day when he want home I slipped in one of his DVDs and got all the way turned on. Now when I have a guy and we get a little freaky I tell him to put one one. As long as he's not into the weird freaky stuff then I encourage it!
    • "weird freaky stuff" is wildly subjectable, as long as it's legal. lol.

    • As long as it doesn't make me want to throw up or squirm. That's what I meant by that.

  • SilenRose
    Most of the users here made valid points. To those who are okay with their SO watching porn I think it comes down to the type of porn. There is some crazy questionable stuff out there that is legal. What if you caught your partner watching scat porn or even vomit porn. Uggh, I feel sick just typing it.
    • Derpyy

      I watch scat porn and he knows it... :( He doesn't get it, but with his kink, he can't even judge. Doubt he would if he didn't have one even.

    • SilenRose

      Well I'm not here to judge you on the type of porn you watch. :) I just can't stomach that other stuff. :(

      If you don't mind could you tell me what you find appealing about scat porn?

    • KidInk4

      Hey, whatever they're in to, right?

  • JohnBelluci
  • kaybay
    DON'T DO IT
    PORN RUINS MARRIAGES
    IS ADDICTIVE
    LITERALLY SHRINKS YOUR BRAIN
    BAD FOR YOUR MIND
    BAD
    DON'T DO IT
    • Sjeggy

      ooooh no i don't want my brain to shrink!!!
      THANKS RANDOM PERSON ON THE INTERNET!

    • arghhh, my brain is shrinking! the paiiin! XD XD

    • I totally agree. Don't mind the downvotes.

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  • Kalinda
    i dont care if he likes looking at other people. but poor is almost always degrading and violent towards women and gay men. its not the naked voyaging its the socio -political aspect of it that i have a problem with.

    but my boyfriend doesn't like porn or similar reasons to myself. his mamma raised him well:)
  • Hannah591
    You beat me to it; I was going to write a take on this but you do a better job, obviously!

    I've not had a problem with boyfriends watching porn so I was surprised to see so many girls insecure about it. Before relationships, I knew guys watched it and that it was simply a pleasure thing that didn't affect my relationships. I didn't think he'd leave me for a porn star or for a woman who looked like one. I was confident they'd realise I'm a real woman, not dolled up for a camera. Those women are purely sexual objects, whilst I was the one his heart belonged to. I even watched porn with boyfriends, it's nothing bad or to be ashamed or insecure about. Girls need to relax.
    • Ozanne

      Thanks Hannah :)

    • blondfrog

      Then why did you get made when I made that meat comment the other day? lol you over reacted

    • Hannah591

      @blondfrog If you have something against me, please block me instead of bringing drama to everything I comment on.

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  • Sara413
    I don't care if my boyfriend watches porn, but I would be upset if I ever found out he was into porn that is violent or particularly degrading to women. I would be disappointed because that would be hard tp reconcile with the person I know him as. I can't imagine him getting off to female degradation, because that would be so incredibly out of line with the person I believe and know him to be. However, I wouldn't be upset about him watching porn in general. Everyone does it sometimes. I would be upset if he began ignoring me sexually and then I found him getting off to porn all the time.
  • abundantlyrich
    It is already a bad sign when a guy totally depends on porn for daily masturbation and goes on the net prowling on girls for sexting , web camming and nudes. He's become a sex vegetable and struggles to relate to females sexually. This guy will suck at a relationship but good for one stop shop of passion. Hahahaha
    • Ozanne

      A "sex vegetable"! Stealing! :) Yes, these are bad habits formed when too much is just too much and he disconnects from reality only focusing on masturbation. People enjoy getting in to relationships for companionship, friendship, partnership, romance, and sex. If a guy takes sex out of the equation so often that he ignores his partner's wants/needs then it really waters down the intimacy. She might feel that his needs are more important than hers.

      ^ I felt this way with a guy who couldn't do this with me anymore, and told me in order to find release was with porn and masturbation. I felt so ignored. I even confronted that it didn't take a hard on from him to at least use his tongue and hands to get me off to at least feel like I was with him again. Nope. He had no interest. Our sex life was now one-sided and he wasn't going to fix it. THIS was a problem. It led to many other things going downhill too. This type of behaviour isn't healthy for two people.

    • Was he the same age as you or he worked alot?

    • Ozanne

      Oh brother - we had a multitude of problems! First, he was an adult dealing with the lifelong pain of child sexual abuse brought on to him by a male relative. He had severe trust issues with everyone in his life, and I was one more person to be leery of. At the time we met, he was 32 and I was 28. We worked together and did the same job, had the same pay. We were both never-married and never had kids. Everything seemed to be perfect for compatibility. But his sex issues stemmed from the confusion of how to enjoy it because of the abuse. We went for therapy, but still never really helped. So he quit going, and that just made things worse. He couldn't talk to me because of trust problems. He couldn't get close to me because he didn't know how to. He told me one day he'll "come around". I waited about two years but things were getting worse, not better. He kept asking me to hold on, as he was trying. I gave it one more year and our relationship actually got to the point where it...

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  • complicated_soul
    I just don't like poem in general. I hope my husband won't be into that.
    • YingKim

      I <3 poems ! I think they can be very romantic ^^

    • Ozanne

      For your sake and comfort, I hope you will meet someone like that. I do hope though that if things happen and things are found out that you didn't want, to remember this and know that it wasn't such a threat to your relationship or a lack of love or attraction he has for you.

      ... And I hope he writes you lots of poems! :D

    • Omg no I meant porn** LOL @YingKim

      And thank you Take Owner, that was sweet to read.

      I love poems

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  • FatherJack
    Porn is merely for a quick release , you are correct here Ozanne. Within a relationship this may become habit if the guy ends up in a sexless relationship , women generally have much lower sex drives than men , not bashing you ladies , as this is mainly a result of sexually repressive " culture " in the Anglo culture ie all this " Slut Shaming " type of BS that represses women. Men are increasingly bashed too , just for having a sex drive
    • Ozanne

      Off topic a bit, but I think there are certain types of behaviours in sex that become habit–forming, such as, how to have an orgasm. If a young guy constantly masturbates quietly in his room and doesn't want anyone to hear him, then he forms a habit. I had sex with lots of guys who just moved right out of "mom's house" only to find that they cum without barely uttering a sound. I had to get them to open up and not be afraid to be vocal because they were so used to being silent.

  • Unit1
    Excellent job, wise @Ozanne ! You totally got it from top to the bottom, all accurate and true. Tell me please, how did you educate yourself about porn and men? Life experience? Studies? Communication with decent men?

    You understand us as much as we do ourselves! Keep it up :D
    (Watching porn is not bad. If someone thinks otherwise, then they should deal with it ;))
    • Ozanne

      LOL Thanks! I'm almost 41, and yes, maturity over the years given me the ability to stop and relax and learn about our behaviours instead of getting defensive all the time and learning nothing.

  • Rapunzel2490
    I don't care if my man watches porn. I can't always be there. Just don't do it around me. I don't care if he does it at his house. Just not when I'm around.
    • KidInk4

      Why won't you watch it?

    • Oh I'd rather that than him sneaking around about it. Porn doesn't really do much for me but I'd try it for him.

  • lonelywarrior40
    Only a person who have too much experience and have radical thoughts, who is realistic and logical can write these sincere lines...
    Porn is a reality of people's lifes. The sharp line is to recognize men watch them because a new point of view and a different way of liking, kissing and caring add more colours on our lifes. And you depicted these views perfect!
    To me; if i were married, i would never even tempt to watch or glance at a porn or any nudity either. Because i would have my dream girl and this is more than enough for me ;) I am feeling these even if I am still (blushing) virgin and don't have even a girlfriend atm...
  • cl_517
    Great myTake! I don't watch porn, I have no desire to watch it. Yes, I'm a virgin, yet I don't feel threatened by porn. I think it's a natural thing, all men do it. And I agree with you communication is key in a relationship.
  • cocoluv
    Turn this around, If women behaved like these idiot guys did and watched porn and made there men feel insecure, they would not handle it. Women are the stronger sex so we deal with a lot of shit. We feel more pressure. At the same time we have a lot more options to choose when picking a man. Don't try change someone, just choose a guy you can respect.
  • SleepyChan
    I don't watch porn but my boyfriend reads hentai manga. He doesn't look into it often but I know he's into me more than a 2-D image.
    • KidInk4

      Why don't you watch porn?

    • SleepyChan

      I just find it disgusting and doesn't turn me on.

  • BatmansWife
    Guys watch porn and girls watch porn. Shoot, I'll watch porn with my man. It's not really a big deal.
  • bubbletrouble
    I can see it from both perspectives but I have never cared about it and I watch porn. Too. That's probably why.
  • kypros
    me being bi and having half a guy and half a girl brain here's what i think-
    those girls seem to have "no flaws" when i'm in love with my girlfriend i fall in love with the flaws. those cute stretch marks, that tiny birthmark on her buttcheek. all that stuff.
    when i watch porn, she's usually on my mind (saying if i had a gf) i can't speak for all men and women.
    usually i'm thinking of moves i can use on her. it's pretty boring getting pleasure from a random stranger that doesn't even compare to my baby ☺️

    love your take by the way 😍
    • Ozanne

      Thanks! :) I think women do view porn different from men, whether we are straight, bi, or gay. I'll watch it because I imagine my husband watching it and getting turned on. There's a lot more "imaging" than I think I even realized. I can't be alone on this. Men watch for the simple fact they are viewing a sex act, and though we might also be doing that in a quick fix, if we read erotica or watch porn, there's a bit more going on in our brains that just what goes through our eyes.

    • kypros

      well, women are creatures of emotion.

    • KidInk4

      Porn stars are usually wearing a lot of makeup, and they usually have surgeries to make them "flawless". Sometimes we really do just want to look at "perfection", even if it's not

  • verticallyinsecure
    Absolutely correct, it really isn't the woman in the porn. Honestly, i am pretty sure even women watch porn but of course not as much as us.
    • Ozanne

      Women watch porn, or *read* porn, as in erotica.

  • sp33d
    Men at the start of their 20s mostly get off jerking at fake tits. Truth of the matter is, we don't give a rat's ass about those women. I don't even care about porn anymore, it's so cheap, fake and boring, lately there has been little no quality scene made.

    So, dear ladies, ask yourself, would you and your man be together, even more so, would he really care about some skank on the liquid crystal display rather the woman he has grown with all this time.

    The problem is not us, but inside your own head. Unless you open your mouth and speak your mind, we can't help you. Finito.
  • neofuture
    Good post, also it relieves the sexual frustration of hundreds of teenage/ young adult males, so overall it's a good thing
    • Ozanne

      Benefits of masturbation, found here: www.plannedparenthood.org/.../masturbation

      •create a sense of well-being
      •enhance sex with partners, physically and emotionally
      •help people learn how they like to be touched and stimulated sexually
      •increase the ability to have orgasms
      •improve relationship and sexual satisfaction
      •improve sleep
      •increase self-esteem and improve body image
      •provide sexual pleasure for people without partners, including the elderly
      •provide sexual pleasure for people who choose to abstain from sexual activities with another person
      •provide treatment for sexual dysfunction
      •reduce stress
      •release sexual tension
      •relieve menstrual cramps and muscle tension
      •strengthen muscle tone in the pelvic and anal areas, reducing women’s chances of involuntary urine leakage and uterine prolapse
      - See more at: www.plannedparenthood.org/.../masturbation#sthash. WCLQHe5E. dpuf

  • rjroy3
    You pretty much hit the nail on the head for all your points. I don't know if I'd be "jumping" in excitement for my girl to watch pornstar with me, but it would be nice to try. The trick is finding porn where they're real couples having sex and giving each other pleasure and not just a random 10 inch cock ramming a girl in all her orifices. That's just not attractive in my opinion. I see porn as a tool. Quick release if I need it and "sometimes" offers ideas I'd like to try. Watching lesion videos actually improved my kissing skills, because the girls took care in how they went about it. They were also very hot, which was kinda awesome lol.
    Anyways, yes! 100% agree. It's not the girl so much as it is the act. For me to enjoy porn, she has to be hot, she has to come across like she's enjoying it, and it has to at least appear genuine. A girl fake moaning for 30 minutes is honestly annoying. Is rather her talk dirty during than moaning at all.
    • rjroy3

      Also, porn allows you to "act out" a fantasy you might have that doing so in real life would be detrimental to your relationship.

      Like every now and then, a 3 some sounds really hot to me. And I've thought about having one with my girlfriend and another girl. But I know if it was with another guy I would just get mad and jealous. So that's a no for having a 3 some in my relationship.
      Having porn as an outlet for this makes it easy to "experience" it then leave it at the door. I'm not fantasizing about 3somes all day every day. It's honestly been months since the urge struck me. One porn video was enough and I'm good.

  • oddwaffle
    I totally agree with the chocolate cake analogy. I personally think it would be better if it was sweets instead of just one type of cake.

    Men like porn like women liking sweets. Sure you can survive without it but you'd be miserable and probably fail. How many of you can keep up with your diet anyways?

    Sure you love the sweets but you know too much of it will kill you. You also know sweets will never be the whole meal and certainly not your whole life. It does affect your meal and life but not that much.

    It would be best to join with the guy. Maybe try the whole role playing thing. Or go with light S&M.
  • blondfrog
    Yes very good too bad a small portion of women would only be reading your mytake
  • COCOCHANEL
    i've never cared if my boyfriends watch
    porn or not
  • diarrhea
    This is all so naive.
    • diarrhea

      1. He doesn't care what she looks like: false. False, false, false. Look at your guy's porn habits and see if he doesn't go back to the same videos/girls repeatedly and ask yourself what that means. And women in porn aren't just an image, they're actual women actually having sex that can specifically be fantasized about.

      2. YOU are his type. Yes... among other girls, who he's free to think about, look at and masturbate to.

      3. He's bored and you're not there. Newsflash: masturbation isn't necessary. Read a book. And nobody needs porn to masturbate, and a man could simply fantasize about his girlfriend to get off, so what's the goal of porn if not specifically to look at and fantasize about other women? And porn makes things LONGER, not faster. Men linger on porn.

      4. Men don't talk about porn because talking about it ruins it. It's all about getting away from the relationship and distracting yourself.

      5. "Cater to the every desire of men, they like it". No kidding.

    • like how you're so straight out. I had a guy who would search though pornhub and only watch the big boobed, big assed girls. He liked the jiggle on it.
      He would always tell me I'm his type, when that was hard to believe seeing as I'm a thin, average breasted girl with a nice tight butt, but a small one. I don't jiggle anywhere, and that turned him off?

    • diarrhea

      @PrincessTashaaaa Porn makes it unnecessary to learn to appreciate girls in general as dimensional human beings, because it gives you the choice of thousands of girls devoid of personality or soul, with a wide variety of different physical attributes, who are willing to do everything to satisfy a man; it's a strong temptation and has a real impact on the way men see women. You don't have to settle. You don't have to see past just a girl's body. And it's wrong on so many other levels that I don't care to go into. There are more and more studies that show it has a real negative impact on relationships, on the objectification of women, on rape culture, etc.

  • BabyWontYouComeMyWay
    Yet I still feel insecure when he watches😔
    • KidInk4

      Confidence comes from within. Men should complement your life, not compliment it

  • Bards
    Yay pornnn
  • abc--123
    well said i agree
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