Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
I used to be painfully insecure about my boyfriend(s) watching porn when I was a younger woman. I would just have a sobbing fit if I found out they were watching it behind my back or even popped an erection if they caught the sight of a sexy woman on TV (never mind porn)!
Over the years, and after much reading and actually opening up and talking about sex with my partners, the commonality of why each of the men watched porn was not about their lack of love or attraction to me, it was something very insignificant and impulsive at the time, not really much different than the urge for me to go cut a piece of chocolate cake and stuff it in my face while standing over the sink hoping not to be noticed.
Men watching porn has had them hiding out and not talking about it with us because we as women have created this false belief that they want them instead of us. We see a tight-body wearing Fredericks of Hollywood who have prettier genitals than we might have, and suddenly we don’t feel so great.
*Newsflash* Men do not love these women. They know these women are playing dress-up for a video and it’s meant to entice the visual stimulation men can respond to, in order to get a quick erection and release. It’s the actual act of sex they see that they are becoming aroused by, not the women they see as people. It’s an image, nothing more. They love the women they have relationships with, and guaranteed if given a choice, they will likely prefer real sex with you than a moment’s notice masturbation session.
This is mainly for women to understand, but I invite comments from both men and women to give their thoughts. But here is my guide for women on why you/they/we shouldn’t feel threatened by porn.
Auntie Ozanne’s Guide to Being at Peace with Porn
1. He doesn’t care what she looks like, she’s just an image that entices him for a moment, just like a red '67 Mustang Coupe that zips by on the street. When the guy fishes for porn, naturally he’ll look for something that visually stimulates him. If it’s a dark-haired girl he prefers over a blonde, fine. But what if you’re blonde?! Don’t worry. The actual look of the girl as a package is just like a kid looking for a Lego set. The colours will fit as he puts something together that’s pleasing to the eye only at that moment.
2. You are his type. You are the woman he loves, talks to, brags about, takes home to his parents, and maybe wants a future with. Not the girl in porn. That girl is likely not even a fantasy. She was a thing, for a moment that got him off. Men can even get off to Hentai, and that's just animation, so it further proves that men just want to watch sex, not wish they had the girl on screen. When you can eliminate the personification of what she is, you can understand that his porn-watching is more of a habit, but you are his actual life. She is a thing, but you are you: her -- a person.
3. He’s bored and you’re not there. You might even be on your period, or you’re just having a troll day and not in the mood. Men masturbate, and studies show that it’s more often than we care to know. It’s one thing for a man to lay in bed and just masturbate lost in thought, that could take a longer time, and he’d be mortified if you came home and found him that way. Instead, in a matter of minutes, porn can just get it over with. Us ladies are the ones who can masturbate to nothing and orgasm through fantasy. It’s a bit more difficult for men. Most men need to actually see something to make it happen and have it happen quickly. Masturbation is healthy and natural, and we as humans are not expected to just reserve our urge for sex with our partners. Masturbating is completely normal to do on our own even in a good relationship.
4. Men want to talk about sex, but only if the women they are with are cool about it. I have found many men are deeply private about admitting they watch porn and have climaxed to it. They don't even like analyzing the sex they have with us. But if the approach from us women is non-accusatory, talking about sex, masturbation, and porn -- it helped me understand that I am not failing as a girlfriend if he chooses to watch porn sometimes. Being open, having a laugh, and getting to the core issue of why a guy likes porn ends up reassuring both the guy and girl in the relationship that their intimacy is unmatched compared to whatever urge he had while watching porn. Just the fact he can talk about it, and know you won’t get upset brings him closer to you, and in some ways, makes his porn watching habit come to light for him about how it’s not as necessary as a go-to than sex with his own woman.
5. Men will almost always go nuts if you explore porn together. If you can’t lick’em join ‘em. If you are open to it, see what the fuss is, and watch where the attention actually turns to if you watch porn with your guy. If you are first-timers and put porn on together, the shyness will disappear fast if you find something agreeable to watch. If you become aroused by it, show him, you may just find he will be staring at you and not the porn. This is where I say the act of sex gets to him, more than who the girl is. But if 3D sex is to be enjoyed, he will inevitably prefer watching you please yourself to porn.
Porn, taken in light doses and meant to enhance pleasure in a relationship as a way to find simple relief is not a threat. It can be enjoyed by couples or during one’s alone time within a relationship.
When Porn is a Problem
If you are both not having sex anymore whatsoever because of porn addiction, it means it has become habit-forming and the intimacy between you is gone. Sex and masturbating is learned behaviour, and just like a teenager who quietly masturbates in their room afraid to be heard, their habits are hard to transfer out of when finding real intimacy with a girl. These things are learned from the beginning, and new habits of having sex and/or masturbating can take over. If masturbating to porn becomes a replacement, couples counselling might be able to give the couple tips on how to rejuvenate their intimacy together.
If porn is questionable. If your partner is viewing illegal porn, you need to have a conversation about this and get to the core of why this is appealing to them. This definitely requires communication together and likely with a therapist to understand the underlying problem of why taboo or illegal porn is preferred. It no longer that particular porn that is the only problem, but the reason behind why your partner is watching the type of porn that they are.
If porn is interactive. If your partner is spending real money on real women to perform a sex act live for him, or involves some chat, this can be considered cheating to many. Now we have a real woman included who was not supposed to even know your partner’s name, and now she does. When the porn affects your finances and becomes more than just viewing the act of a nameless, faceless woman but rather becomes a tool to knowingly communicate sexually with a woman, this too can be crossing the line. This is not the kind of porn I refer to in the myTake. Again, identifying that this is unacceptable and visiting a therapist can get to the root of the problem of why your partner feels the need to communicate with women now instead of just viewing sex.
Should you break up?
My first reaction is no. Communication first, find out if porn really is your problem or if it's some insecurity you have with porn that can be improved if you understand how insignificant porn really is to a guy. If you compare it to my chocolate cake comparison, find something in your life that might be equivalent to his porn-watching. Something in your life that is non-threatening to your feelings for your guy that is also something you hate admitting to. Only if porn has become harmful in your relationship by the way of an addiction that interrupts your lives for the worse, should you talk to your partner and consider your options for your future happiness. It doesn't always have to be as dramatic as we think, but men also need to be sensitive to how we might take it, and talk to us to give us reassurance too.
Most Helpful Guy