Sex and Love: When Should It Happen?

Sex and Love: When Should It Happen?

This take is addressed to heterosexual singles who have or will engage in premarital sex while looking for The One.

There are three primary reasons why people have sex: babies, fun, and love. I am assuming that most singe people are not having sex for the stated purpose of creating a new life. Most single sex is for either fun or love.

Sex for fun is that wildly uninhibited romp that leaves the sheets on the floor and it leaves the neighbors wondering whether someone was tortured or worse. If both partners agree that they simply want a good time and some relief to their sexual tension, sex for fun can be wonderful. If a couple is casually dating and specifically not looking for a long term relationship, sex for fun is . . . fun!

As you get older, you are more likely to be dating for the purpose of finding a partner for a long-term relationship. When sex becomes an issue in these situations, you are more likely to have a conflict with timing. Ladies, the issue is quite simple: we want it now, and you don't!

There is some tendency by some women to think that, if a guy wants sex before the woman does, he is probably just looking to put another notch in his bedpost and he is not serious about a relationship. Before you judge him for wanting sex now, consider this fundamental truth: men and women are different (hallellujah!)

When a guy in a serious dating relationship wants to have sex, it doesn't mean that that he is just looking for a receptacle for his ejaculate. Men are notorious for not verbalizing their feelings in these matters, but that doesn't mean that we don't have feelings.

When a guy is in a relationship, having sex with his partner means that she trusts him. Most men want to be trusted. Sex gives him an opportunity to prove that he is a man who can please her and that he will be attentive to her needs as well as his own. Having sex is a way for a guy to feel closer to his girl and to feel fulfilled as a man. He's not a player looking for a score; he's a man looking for his partner.

For a woman, having sex means exposing herself in the most vulnerable way imaginable. Maybe she is self-conscious about her 34A boobs (which are probably quite lovely) or perhaps its the few extra pounds around her middle; maybe she is afraid you will go into overdrive and try to pull some kinky stuff or you will expect oral sex and swallowing and that's something she just doesn't do. Having sex for the first time with a new partner is scary and she really needs to trust you before she takes a chance on being ridiculed for her small boobs or whatever it is that causes her concern. (Yes, there are guys - neanderthals - out there who would laugh at a naked woman in bed.)

The result of all that is that a woman who is looking for a serious relationhip is often not ready to have sex with a guy until she has developed trust in him, and that takes time. If you have any notions in your head about the three date rule, forget them. It might happen on the third date, but don't count on it.

So, a man wants to have sex as a way of developing trust in the relationship and a woman wants to have sex after the trust is developed. There is an inherent conflict in the timing. However, the most important thing about the relationship is to recognize that both partners ultimately want the same thing, though on a somewhat different timeframe.

The bottom line: Guys, if she is the one, you need to be patient and wait for her to feel ready and don't make her feel pressured to perform any sooner. If she is The One, trust me when I tell you that you will spend much of your life waiting on a woman, so get accustomed to it. Girls, if he says he wants sex and you're not ready, don't read him the riot act; just tell him that you're glad that he feels so strongly about you and, as soon as you feel ready, you intend to rock his world!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Job well done here, mate! All more than great points and things both parties need to remember, great Take

Most Helpful Girl

  • i just have to trust he won't rape me.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 3
  • Very nice take. 👍

  • lol... if she isn't banging me on the 3rd date, she is not the one.

    • U poor clueless guy

    • On the contrary my dear, having a deal time is far more clued up than the guy who doesn't know. I'm that fucking clever.

    • So. . . the girl who is going to be The One for you was banging every guy she ever dated by the third date?

    • Show All
  • Great MyTake and so true!

    • Thank you, ma'am!

  • Great take!!

    • Thank you, ma'am!

  • That wummin in the photo has a very nice botty!

    :)

    • The picture got me going!

    • Just goes to show how important a silhouette is. :)

  • It may or will happen between consenting adults when both feel they're ready for sex with that person. Same for sex between minors of legal age.
    No obligation thus.