We fear to send visual aids because we fear blackmail. At least, I fear blackmail. Granted there are probably a number of men who have collections of photos from various girlfriends and fuck buddies who have never shown them to anyone. Yet how many men could there be like that out there I wonder? And what about videos?
Videos are an extreme form of visual aid. There are tons and tons of amateur videos on places like RedTube and XTube and your other various porn sites, are they placed up there by people who wish to become famous? Or are they put up there by ex's and former fuck buddies who have the video and put it up there for the world to see? I figure if I'm going to jump the bridge to video, I'll take the principles I learned in photography. No face, no distinguishing marks, NOTHING that could possibly place the girl in the video as me. I don't want my personal video that's meant for my partner's eyes only to end up on the internet making the rounds as the next amateur video! Or being made into copies for stag parties or bachelor parties. I can't protect myself from the entirety of the possibility that there's a slight chance of ending up where it shouldn't. It's a risk a lot of women have taken, and that a lot have suffered for.
It's partially a trust issue, can we allow ourselves to possibly overcome this sense of paranoia that the whole world might watch our video or see our photos, like they are mocking us? We don't know that when our partner says he or she won't make a copy that they do anyway. If we are able to trust them completely, perhaps it's safe to provide visual aids.
Men seem to rely on them mostly, though it's hypocritical for me to say that I'm not somewhat dependent on visual stimuli in the form of pornography. Men get off on visuals more than women do. Research proves it. Most women simply do not find pornography erotic, yet there are those, like myself, who do.
On the one hand, it's a very generous act on the part of the other person doing these visual stimuli. However, everything comes with a price. We can't rely too much on visual aids, basically sitting in front of our computers all day and whacking our bones or bushes at the sight of our partners vagina or penis. We can't always trust our partners to not show anything or submit our gift to them on the internet. And there's always the off chance that someone else finds it on the givee's computer or in their drawer and makes a copy for themselves.
Visual aids seem to live in a secret world, both on the side of one of the most notable gifts to another and as well as being fully displayed to the public.
If we decide to do such aids for our partners, then we should be fully aware of the potential consequences and speak openly to them about the secrecy of them. Should that gift be disrespected or misused in some way, then it's our fault? No. I don't like to even entertain the idea that some of us would sink so low as to break a promise of secrecy. Some dirty laundry or dirty photos or what have you; just shouldn't be aired to the public. When celebrities release a sex tape, it's not on accident you know. Do you ever hear of the celeb's suing their former lovers over a thing like that? I haven't, and I live practically a stones throw away from the glamor and glitz of Hollywood.
I believe if that secrecy's is broken, the person who posted it or shared it needs to be punished in some way, if not by Karma then by stoning (maybe not in this century...or any others to come, but it's a nice thought).
We all have pictures of ourselves we find embarrassing. Why the photo of you as a baby naked in the tub is practically the same as you naked in front of your mirror taking a picture. We have this obsession that the body is ugly, that we are disgusting when we are naked, especially when photographed. Why stoop to a level of utmost immaturity just to 1up our revenge scheme? We're the brightest animals on this planet and yet we're also some of the dumbest.
If a photo of me ever ended up on the internet, I would probably never even know. Yes it bothers me, however, I'm smart enough to know the consequences of the internet AND how to take a photo without showing any features that would set me apart from any other girl. You could look at it and say "It's a naked white chick with boobs and a vagina.". Even if one ever surfaced with my face, I would cop to it, "why yes, that is me, why do you even care?". It's a naked body. We put too much emphasis on being naked for it to not mean anything.
Why do I do visuals? Because it's kinda hot to think that the guy I've sent them too is probably chomping at the bit for the real thing instead of a photo.
Just know the consequences and act accordingly.