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Casual Sex is No Different than Casual Hugs: So stop being so judgmental about it!

Casual Sex = No Different than Casual Hugs (so stop being so judgmental about it!)

You hear people all the time talking about people (in particular, women) who have a lot, or even a little bit, of casual sex, as being “used up”. A lot of people have this idea in their head that anyone who is able to have casual, meaningless sex is incapable of having truly meaningful sex, because they don’t view it as something significant and emotionally intimate.

(The last guy I called my boyfriend before the wonderful gem I’m with now used to pick fights with me over that all the time. It drove me NUTS because, while he was still willing to have sex with me, he thought it was OK to ask me about my sexual past and then bring it up all the time as a way of making me feel bad about myself and “lucky” that he’s with me at all. Needless to say, that relationship did not last long.)

Anyways, while I can sort of understand the perspective, it’s also long boggled my mind that people think of sex as something that permanently damages a person. It’s not. It’s a perfectly natural human thing to do and any significance attached to it comes not from the act itself, but from the relationship you have with the person you’re doing it with.

Think about it like this: it’s like hugs. Some people are huggy people – they hug everyone. They hug their colleagues. They hug old high school acquaintances who they happen to run into. They hug their kids’ friends. They hug their friends’ spouses. They hug, hug, hug all day long. Most of those hugs are completely meaningless and hold no more emotional significance than a firm handshake. Yet, no one would EVER claim that a person who gives lots of hugs to lots of people is “used up” and incapable of giving a truly meaningful, emotionally intimate hug.

Casual Sex is No Different than Casual Hugs: So stop being so judgmental about it!

Just because you hug 6 people a day as a way of saying “hello”, doesn’t mean something more when you give a real deep, encompassing hug to your spouse, your best friend or your mother. Even if you hug everyone you meet, when you hug your spouse it means something more. Maybe not every time. Maybe sometimes you hug your spouse just for the sake of it, but sometimes when you hug that person it’s a deeper, more meaningful, highly emotional act.

Casual Sex is No Different than Casual Hugs: So stop being so judgmental about it!

So why do we pretend sex is so different?? It’s not. Just because I’ve had casual sex with other people in the past, doesn’t mean that I’m incapable of having meaningful sex with my boyfriend now. When I have sex with my boyfriend, sometimes it is just a fun little romp, but a lot of the time it’s a very deep, very meaningful and highly emotional act. I feel close to him. I look him deep in the eyes and bare my soul to him. I feel like two bodies coming together as one. I can feel ALL of these things with my boyfriend, and having had meaningless romps with other people in the past doesn’t change any of that. It doesn’t impact our connection or the meaning or the emotional bond that my boyfriend and I form during sex. The way I feel during sex with my boyfriend is something completely different than anything I’ve ever felt during sex with anyone else. To me, that almost makes it MORE special. If every sexual partner I’d had in the past was someone I was once “in love” with, wouldn’t that make this relationship feel less significant than it is? I don’t know. But just because my history of casual sex makes the sex I feel with my boyfriend feel more meaningful to me, doesn’t mean I’m gonna go around and judge other people who have had “meaningful” sex with 2 or 3 different people and say that their current relationships mean any less.

Casual Sex is No Different than Casual Hugs: So stop being so judgmental about it!

Casual Sex is No Different than Casual Hugs: So stop being so judgmental about it!
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Most Helpful Guy

  • AleDeEurope

    Many people say that it should be left in the past, which it may be true, but the past is what made us what we are today, and that includes having sex with lots of random people. Some people don't want that type of person in their life, they don't want that type of mentality on their partner.
    Would you go out with a guy that cheated on his previous partners and abused them? It's in the past, doesn't mean it'll happen to you, especially if he swears he won't do that to you.
    Like I said, the past builds us, makes us what we are today, and you can't just ignore that.

    I'm not against casual sex, not at all, I have it too, but we gotta accept those who don't wanna be with a partner that had lots of casual sex. I don't mind a girl that had a few casual encounters, but sleeping with every guy she finds hot? No, that's not the type of girl I want.

    Also, I don't think comparing casual sex with hugs is right, they're two different things.

    Is this still revelant?
    • Sara413

      That's fair, and people are allowed to have their preferences. But I am tired of reading so many "questions" and comments on this site from people who think they're somehow superior to others because of how they choose to express or not express their sexuality.

      Of course sex and hugs are different - but they are similar in that both are physical acts that can be completely meaningless with one person but mean the damn world with another.

    • JuicyBrain

      You can have the preferences that you want. Just don't call promiscuous women "sluts". It's the judging that is not welcome.

    • I agree with that, I'm also tired of shaming people; that's why I said I'm ok with it to avoid misunderstandings.

      @JuicyBrain true, I'm not saying shaming is ok.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girl

  • Anonymous

    Only a person who has engaged in lots of casual sex could write something like this.
    Not sure I'd agree, but I'd understand more if you compared hugs get and kisses, but sex? Is it normal to share toothbrushes with strangers too?

    I don't really have much to add to what most people already said, except that I don't condone that lifestyle nor your reasons, and I'm in no way obliged to accept it. I'm in my right to be judgmental with things that affect me personally, but if you don't try to convince me, I won't try to convince you.

    Is this still revelant?

What Girls & Guys Said

3376
  • gray_sailor

    What you say is completely correct... for about half of the population. Ah, there's the rub. People on both sides of this debate look at the world around them and their lived experience and draw from that a logical yet wrong conclusion. This is the wrongheaded conclusion: "How it is for me in my experience... is universally applicable to everyone."
    Said that way, without even the barest context of sex, the falacy of the belief glares at you.

    Human beings have many immutable elements that define their sexuality. Among these are:
    - gender
    - gender identity
    - sexual orientation
    AND
    - sociosexual orientation

    What I find fascinating about this subject is that with Caitlin Jenner in the popular press, even the most unplugged individuals can speak intelligently about gender identity.

    BUT

    Nobody seems to know or understand about sociosexual orientation. You never mentioned it EVEN ONCE despite the fact that it was the subject of your myTake.

    Let us define terms. Sociosexual Orientation basically describes a person's relationship with casual sex. The orientation comes in two flavors:
    - sociosexually restricted
    - sociosexually unrestricted

    Sociosexually Unrestricted individuals:
    - start having sex at a younger age
    - have sex earlier in a relationship
    - tend to not bond with their sex partners
    - engage in casual sex
    - have many sex partners
    - are unconcerned about how large a number their partner has

    Sociosexually Restricted individuals:
    - delay having sex both the age they start and when it occurs in a relationship
    - strongly prefer sex in the context of a relationship
    - tend to bond with their partners (and like that this occurs)
    - have low numbers of sex partners
    - desire that their partners have similiar numbers with them
    - desire that their partners share their views on casual sex

    In the US at present the breakdown of sociosexual orientation is like this:

    Males
    43% Restricted
    57% Unrestricted

    Females
    53% Restricted
    47% Unrestricted

    Clearly, you are an unrestricted woman. What you have said in this myTake about your sexual history reveals that about you. What little you have said about your prior boyfriend indicates that he was a restricted man and demonstrated that fact in the context of your relationship. I'm sure both of you left that relationship equally hurt. A poor match is to no one's benefit. Your present boyfriend (Gem!) I suspect is unrestricted as well. That is one of many dimensions of compatibility he shares with you.

    • The moral of the story:

      - know your own sociosexual orientation
      - only seek relationships with individuals that have the same orientation as yourself

    • From my own experience, I know that I will bond with anyone I have sex with. I am comfortable having sex early in a relationship BUT I will seek a relationship with anyone I have sex with. In 48 years on the planet, I have had just a single one night stand. Despite the fact that it was a good experience, I never sought a one night stand again. I learned enough from that one experience to not play with fire. Otherwise, I have always sought a girlfriend and later a wife.

      Currently, I am 9 years into my happy second marriage. If only mismatched sociosexual orientations had been a red flag for me, I would not have married my first wife.

    • Sara413

      Great input and insight. I think you're right that it comes down to everyone thinking that their experience is or ought to be universal. What I was trying to say in this Take was people need to stop judging others who view or engage in sex differently.

      One minor point of disagreement, though, is with the definition you give of "unrestricted" individuals: "tend not to bond with their partners". For me, that is true in some contexts but not in others. Same with preferring sex in a relationship. While it is true that I am quicker to sleep with someone earlier on in the relationship or even outside of a relationship than others, I do prefer meaningful sex that occurs w/in a relationship, and in that context I do bond with my partner in a deeply emotional way. I just am not as restrictive about my sexuality at the beginning of a relationship or outside of one as others. I can separate the physical act from emotion when I want to, but I much, much prefer sex that IS emotionally stimulating

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  • hellionthesage

    Thats like saying bumping into someone is the same as punching them in the mouth. The fact is that sex is more then sex the notion that it is not is well, irrational and I would even dare to say stupid. The fact that we have managed to remove much of the more obvious negative impacts does not mean that promiscuity is some how natural. Sex is natural, so is not using contraceptives, so is dying from an STD (antibiotics are not natural), I would imagine rampant pregnancies, abandoned children, and high death tolls from STD s are not what you have in mind is it? Because all of that is natural, its why we have long held that promiscuity is in fact, a very bad thing. Then when you factor in that people who are sociosexually unrestricted (promiscuity) have a much higher probability of being unfaithful, that number of sexual partners have in fact been linked to greater instability in relationships and higher divorce rates, tendency of impulsive behavior (acting with little care of the consequences), generally low self esteem has been linked to the behavior as well, its really rather apparent that it is not a good thing. Then when you factor in that your boyfriend is expected to treat you special (asking you out, planning dates, paying for dates, buying you flowers, jewelry, telling you your beautiful etc) and investing much of his time and resources into you, its difficult for them to take you seriously when you say that you care about them. The fact is you gave yourself away, frequently and in all likely hood to people you didn't really even know, just someone you met and never saw again, but he, the person who cares about you and you profess to care about, he is expected to pay for what you gave away for free (and in all likely hood, strangers). This is why it is in fact a big deal. We know that it is, its been proven. My sources: socialpathology.blogspot.com/.../...orce-risk.html
    socialpathology.blogspot.com/.../...uity-data.html
    www.psychologytoday.com/.../what-motivates-sexual-promiscuity
    www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/.../nihms499028.pdf
    Here are two interesting takes on this as well: lmerlobooth.typepad.com/.../...-relationships.html
    www.politics.ie/.../...ty-its-effects-society.html
    The fact is there are ramifications to your actions you refusing to acknowledge it doesn't change tha in the least. Your an adult that means a certain level of self control and ability to self reflect and judge the potential harm of your actions. You need to grow up and realize that just because something feels good or you want it doesn't mean its natural or healthy, nor does it mean it has no negative impact.

    • I have to say. I usually carry the opposite opinion saying that I would date a girl even if she had infinity sexual partners, your argument is actually rock solid and convincing, not just based on judgments and insults. I have been trying to figure out what exactly is so bad about casual sex and this post has finally made a decent attempt at answering this question. Thank you for your valuable insight of an opinion I at the moment do not agree with or at least have strongly disagreed with thus far , but this one might be the game-chang of my perception.

    • Really man, I saw you on other questions too and you though you seem to have the opposite views I have by default, your arguments are actually convincing unlike most people on your side and are making me reconsider my evaluations.

    • ccp16

      While I have always supported people doing what they want with their lives, I prefer to keep sex as something far more special for people I am dating and I prefer my partners have the same mindset.

      This argument is awesome and well founded, you should make a my take on this!!! I never really thought of it that way, but it makes sense and perfectly fits in with why I like to keep sex more serious, it is something special for someone special in your life.

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  • RationalMale

    No, a woman getting fucked by a man she just met is not comparable to a woman hugging a man she just met.

    Fellows, look and learn. Alpha fucks, beta bux.

    Women want full ability to sleep around in their prime, have all the crazy sex in every place they'd like, with men they just met an hour earlier... and then pretend it has absolutely no effect on them.

    See, women realize and/or plan that no, these guys they're banging for fun in their prime will not marry or commit. Which is part of what makes it more fun for them--women are their most shameless sexually with men they just met who they likely won't see again.

    The plan is, that when women have had their fun, traveled, worked on that glamorous career in marketing, and had enough fun...*then* they'll find one of those boring guys who they shunned in college. They'll date, have sex, the poor thirsty beta will be amazed at actually getting laid, and they'll marry. They'll have sex once a week, in missionary, for ten minutes, and she'll fantasize about her past flings to help pass the time.

    Men, I want you all to decide right now, what you will be.

    Will you be the fun, exciting guy that women spend nights with in their prime?

    Or will you be that schlub who married the carousal rider once she's had her fun? Will you be that guy expected to share half the housework, take care of the kids, who will get told frostily "a woman doesn't owe you sex just because you married her!"

    • Sara413

      Alternative theory: Women, like men, enjoy having sex. Sometimes, they'll have sex casually. Sometimes they'll have more meaningful sex. Most want a relationship at some point and envision themselves getting married eventually. In the meantime, before they meet their spouse, most will have sex with the guys they date and many will have casual flings here and there. Some will have one night stands. None of those things have anything to do with the relationship she will eventually have with her husband if she gets married.

      If the sex is boring and infrequent in your marriage or LTR, it's not because "she had enough fun" before she met you - it's because something is wrong in the relationship. Talk to her about it and FIX it.

    • @Sara413 actually the reason that happens in marriages is due to promiscuity. I have linked to multiple sources that do show this effect is due to promiscuity. Sex and (new) relationships act like a stimulant, the more a woman partakes the more she becomes addicted to it this is most likely the cause of infidelity in promiscuis women since the faithfull partner becomes old and familiar she seeks out stronger highs (again I have links to the statistics if you wish to read them) This touches on the addiction aspect of sex: www.counter-currents.com/.../
      @RationalMale I understand your frustration, however you didn't list the third option. Do not play the game. Its not in your favor to do so and by participating in it you not only insure it continues but show other women who do not wish to live like this that its the only option. You cannot expect others to have self control yet for go it yourself.

    • Take Owner.

      Women initiate 70%+ of all divorces in the USA, and the majority are not for abuse or adultery. Keep telling people that a woman's past has no bearing on a marriage. Maybe some of them will believe it.

      @hellionthesage

      I would say the best way to crash Alpha Fucks/Beta Bucks is to teach men and let them know what's going on. How many men are such saps they will knowingly be a boring plan b? I'm betting most will have a measure of dignity.

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  • TheEroticJester

    when you detach sex from emotions its like detaching taste from food. sure you can argue that you eat solely to survive and food with no taste should not be discriminated against but at the end of the day most people can taste it amd it WILL affect their future outlook on life.

    i won't hate on anyone for having casual sex but as someone who has seen both sides od the coin i can't ever date or even sleep with someone who still believes casual sex is completely inconsequential

    • I concurr, the more I learn the more against it I am. I use to not care but now it really does bother me. Though its not immoral there are significant issues with it, mainley studies show instubility in relationships and higher risk of divorce (among other things) for people who have a casual approach to sex. Sex is as important for its social/emotional aspects as it is its reproductive (the reason we have such a strong drive to begin with), I really like your analogue.

    • Sara413

      @hellionthesage you do realize that people grown and change throughout their lives too, right? Yes, in the past I've held a pretty cavalier attitude about sex, but as I've gotten a bit older and I've reached a point in my life where what I want more than anything is to settle down with someone I love in a monogamous relationship, my view on the sex that I crave has changed. I still think there is nothing wrong with casual sex, but it's not what I want or crave anymore at this point in my life.

    • @Sara413 As I have pointed out numerous times and linked to, there are consequences to your actions. It will result in a higher probability of instability and divorce, you desciding now because your biological clock is ticking or your more aware tha you have less value in the sexual market place due to aging or that you simply are begining to think about what will happen when you get older, it doesn't matter. There are negative impacts to your actions and it will in all probability result in some one being hurt very badly and most likely the man you marry losing his home his children (if you plan on having any) his money etc. His and your children losing a father and a family etc. Statisticly speakin it is a very good probability. Only a child would think that an action would not have any impact.

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  • Ok so much wrong here. number 1 you cannot catch diseases with hugs like you can casual sex. 2. you cannot become pregnant from a hug. 3 a hug is not a lifelong decision one may regret. Sex is for a significant other, hugs are for everyone

    • Sara413

      Do you understand what an ANALOGY is?

    • I know what an analogy is yes but it is like comparing apples to oranges. And apparently noone is getting this analogy

    • Sara413

      analogy
      noun anal·o·gy \ə-ˈna-lə-jē\
      : a comparison of two things based on their being alike in some way

      : the act of comparing two things that are alike in some way

      Note the key words "in some way".

  • heavensgift2girls

    I don't believe in slut shaming or pervert shaming people for their personal lives. However hugs and sex are a really bad comparison. A lot of men and women find sex to be a deeply powerful bonding experience that no hug could match. I would assume the only people that really think hug and sex are the same are in open relationships, or don't want their partner hugging anyone.

    Sex means something different to everyone, but in most cases people value sex more than hugs. Just because you personally don't see sex as more special, doesn't make it wrong that someone else does.

    No guy or girl should have to accept that their partner has a huge number, if that is something they don't believe in. As long as they are holding themselves to the same standard it isn't even a double standard. Part of being tolerant, means tolerance for different beliefs must flow both ways. This means being tolerant that others won't agree with you. That is a part of tolerance people like to forget about.

    If someone feels sex is special, then it only makes sense they would only be truly happy with a partner that shares that value. When that doesn't happen compatibility will become an issue and peoples feelings will be hurt. They shouldn't make fun of people that are living their own lives, but asking them not to judge you is unreasonable. We get judged for every action we ever make. In fact you are currently judging me for every word I am writing. Judging others is a part of life and we need to accept that. Being cruel to others do to those judgements however is something that shouldn't be accepted.

    • Sara413

      It's obviously not a literal analogy. The point was that, like hugs, sex can be incredibly meaningful in some circumstances despite not being meaningful in others, so people should stop being so judgmental about it.

      Thanks for sharing your opinion in a respectful manner.

    • I agree with the over all message, of not shaming people. Your ex shouldn't have done that. I think he either needed to find someone more compatible, or he was just trying to hurt you and knew that would bother you. Even if he was okay with it, then he might still say something like that if he thinks it will hurt you in a moment of rage. People say all sorts of things we we shouldn't.

  • Bluemax

    If by casual sex you mean a friends with benefits situation or sex with someone you know relatively well but aren't in a relationship with, then I'm inclined to agree with you. On the other hand, if by casual sex you mean sex with someone you don't know, then I cannot agree that it has no increased chances of having negative psychological effects. This is true of both men and women. There have been studies that have confirmed this.

    The reason why I think some men and women have problems with their partner having casual sex is that they question "Is the sex *we're* having meaningful?" That's probably a function of their own insecurities.

    The problem I have with casual sex is that most (and PLEASE note I said *most*, not by any means all and not you, Sara413) people who engage have an increased risk of never asking the questions that need to be asked, those questions being "What will you do if there is an unintended pregnancy?" and "How do you feel about abortion?" Most people I know in committed relationships ask these questions before getting sexual. Most people I know who have one night stands don't ask these questions (again, please note, I said "MOST," I didn't say or even imply "all").
    Now, people are inclined to say that protected sex eliminates the necessity of asking these questions. Having known several children whose existence is the direct result of failed contraception, I cannot agree. Yes, even with protected sex, these questions should be asked and I feel they are much less likely to be asked if it's a one night stand as opposed to a committed relationship. I've never known ANY couple engaged in a one night stand to go get checked for STDs. I have known MANY in committed relationships who have done precisely that before getting sexual. Again, safe sex vastly reduces your risk, but getting checked and having safe sex vastly reduces it even more (and that's what I'd like to see).

    • Sara413

      Your second paragraph is bang on.

      I can see where you're coming from with the rest. I personally have always gotten checked for stds after every new partner and always used condoms and was always prepared to abort if one slippef past the goal post. I can only hope that others who engage or have engaged in one night stands are also responsible.

  • PT1911

    No its more like I don't want to look at my future wife kissing our children goodbye when they go to school and image how many guys went in her, just as how I'm sure any decent woman wouldn't want a womanizer as the father of her children.

    Also seriously? Comparing sex to hugging? Justify your actions any way you want, but a lot of people are not going to buy into it.

    • Sara413

      When you see your wife kissing your children, do you want to think about your own dick being in that mouth? Probably not. It's called controlling yourself lol

    • PT1911

      Because I wouldn't stick it in her mouth anyways... my love life and perception of relationships is not influenced by porn or the current hookup culture we're going through.

      As I said justify it anyway you want, that's your choice, buy I don't accept it, nor tolerate it, and a lot of others don't. They've just become too scared to speak up because of how hostile "tolerant" liberals are

    • but what if she's a virgin and gave lots of bjs?

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  • Red_Arrow

    Sooooo wrong! Many have said it, and I repeat it: I'll just refer to hellionthesage reply - that pretty much covers it.

    "Casual Sex is No Different than Casual Hugs". My wife and I had many people we hugged. It was a sign of friendship and nothing that was improper about it or disrespecting our marriage. But we certainly did not have casual (or ANY) sex with other people! Before we met and married, we had sexual relationships with others, at different levels. But never at something so casual as to compare it with hugs. Good Grief!!

    As many have said, so much wrong in this.

    • Sara413

      How do so many people here not understand what an analogy is? Jesus fucking a cracker...

    • Red_Arrow

      I understand analogy: a likeness or correspondence between things. And those two are not alike. Maybe you meant hyperbole. But your details still point to making them to be about the same, which they are not.

      You keep on throwing out YOUR definition of analogy, ending in "alike in some way". Every definition I have seen of analogy is on the likeness or similarity of two things without any clause like "in some way" which defeats the idea of the similarity. And you stressed the similarity by saying "no different".

      So to answer your question about how many people on here do not understand what an analogy is, I can definitely see one...

  • justbanANNAz

    ok i didn't even read the take, but this title... i could not respectfully disagree more.

    • PT1911

      I died a little bit reading it...

    • Sara413

      Perhaps you should read something before commenting on it It's a fucking analogy used to illustrate a point, not a literal comparison... SMH at all these people who don't understand what a godddamn analogy is. This is like fifth grade English for goodness sake...

    • Phoenix98

      Agreed.

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  • Koldhearted

    hmmm...

    I guess I unknowingly banged my sister, boss, aunt, brother, nephew, and daughter in the passed year alone

    • Sara413

      Analogies, bro... they're not literal.

    • I'm simply using your words.

      If it's an analogy it's an insanely horrible one and you need a different example than a hug. Nobody in their right mind would think the two are similar.

      You hug Hugh Hefner and it's meh
      You think of having casual sex and I'm sure the thought is pretty unsettling.

    • Sara413

      analogy
      noun anal·o·gy \ə-ˈna-lə-jē\
      : a comparison of two things based on their being alike in some way

      : the act of comparing two things that are alike in some way

      Note the key words "in some way".

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  • Lioness

    I'm sorry but comparing hugs to sex is really reaching... It's like comparing a tree branch to a snickers. Anyway, the truth is every time you have sex with someone different (relationship or casual) you give a piece of yourself to that person and vice versa. There is a transference of energy and you can pick up their good or bad energy. It's dangerous on soo many levels to view sex in this way VS a hug. When you engage is sex w/ someone you risk your health, self-worth, etc the list goes on.. what do you risk with a hug?

    • Sara413

      There is nothing inherent in the act of sex that involves "giving a piece of yourself" to a person or risking your "self-worth". It's a physical act which, like a hug, can be incredibly and overwhelmingly meaningful, or just a basic, physical act. We as human beings attach meaning to it.

    • Lioness

      That's fine, and you can believe that... but just sleeping around is also selfish. You giving yourself freely to a guy prevents that guy from wanting a real committed relationship (perhaps) with someone else. And there are studies proving all this. "Researchers examining the mental health associations of hookup sex also report that participants who were not depressed before showed more depressive symptoms and loneliness after engaging in casual sex. "The point is it's damaging to women, men and society.

    • singlebee

      Your comment is so right.. I don't know why you have down votes

      So here one up vote from me... Really mature comment 😊... with there were more girls like you

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  • SupremeCourtJustice

    I agree that your comparison is indeed an analogy and that this is your freak show. However, the analogy was an utterly terrible and silly one. I hope you are not banging your colleagues, son's friends, uncles, siblings, and others the same way you hug them. I really hope not because that would be outright nasty.

  • Mesonfielde

    "Casual Sex is No Different than Casual Hugs"

    Except they ARE different, so yeah.

    • Sara413

      analogy
      noun anal·o·gy \ə-ˈna-lə-jē\
      : a comparison of two things based on their being alike in some way

      : the act of comparing two things that are alike in some way

      Note the key words "in some way". Also note that I described the specific aspects of the acts of hugging and sex that are alike. Analogies are hard, apparently...

    • No, this is a false comparison.

    • Azara

      The are both physical acts you do with another person that release endorphins and tons of oxytocin esp when attraction is involved. ...

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  • bloodmountain1990

    I'm going to have to disagree with you strongly on this one.

    While I'm not against casual sex, there is no relation between that and hugs. Family members hug each other as well as friends, acquaintences, etc.

    Plus you never hear guys say oh man that girls a great hug or can you believe how many guys that girl has hugged?

  • vekin
    • Bysshe

      They are clearly quite similar, just because they're not identical doesn't mean comparisons can't be made.

  • sarcasticbella

    First you say this "A lot of people have this idea in their head that anyone who is able to have casual, meaningless sex is incapable of having truly meaningful sex, because they don’t view it as something significant and emotionally intimate"

    Then you contradict it by saying this...

    "any significance attached to it comes not from the act itself, but from the relationship you have with the person you’re doing it with"

    What relationship? You have no relationship with the person, right? because its "casual and meaningless".

    I don't understand the point of meaningless sex, if it is meaningless then why even bother? Might as well masturbate, what do you seek in using a human for pleasure over a vibrator? (um... intimacy!)
    I don't think people who have casual sex are slutty or bad but I think they are broken or damaged in some way. Were not animals; humans have emotions and naturally seek intimacy. If you think sex is the same as a hug then I feel bad for you and I wonder what happened in your past that affected you so much to feel this way.

    • Bysshe

      "any significance attached to it comes not from the act itself, but from the relationship you have with the person you’re doing it with"

      I'd take that to mean that sex has significance when the person you're doing it with is someone you love, but if it's just with someone you fancy for a bit of fun then it doesn't have significance.

  • BCRanger10

    If people have judged you for your choices, you have my sympathy and apologies. They are wrong and should not be saying things like that to you.

    That being said, I understand that you're making an analogy, but it's not a very good or very accurate one. I say this because you can hug someone to say hello or good-bye, to show love and affection, to show encouragement, or to show comfort and support. While both sex and hugs are physical expressions, to say that one is like the other is not a valid argument because I don't see how a hug could be "meaningless".

    Think about it for a second. Most people probably wouldn't hug a coworker, let alone for no reason. However, in the case of, say, a mother and child, there is already that existing bond, likewise with a husband and wife. A kid could be sitting there playing video games. Mom could walk by and hug him and give him a kiss. Junior might ask why and mom could reply "because I'm your mommy and I love you." A husband could walk by his wife and give her a hug and a kiss "just because." I would strongly hesitate to say that those are "meaningless" or even "casual".

    Or let's take it further and observe someone standing on a busy street corner wearing a sign that says "free hugs". Why does someone do that? What reasons would there be for that? Someone out there today needs a hug? Needs a laugh? Someone is new to the area and doesn't have any family or friends there? Even then, I wouldn't call those "meaningless".

    So again, to compare sex to hugs is very inaccurate. Sex is meant to be the most intimate expression of a man to a woman AND of a woman to a man. The way I see it, there's no middle ground here. Either sex is meaningful or meaningless. A hug always has some kind of meaning to it. If a man has a bad day, he wants to go home, drink a beer, and go to bed. If his wife has a bad day, she wants to talk about it. One might offer the other a hug and a kiss. What would it say about either of them if the first thing that came to mind was "I'm getting some"?

    And again, I know you're making an analogy, but are you sure you want to put the image in someone's head that when they hug their mother, father, grandparents, brother, sister, cousin, aunt, uncle, cousin, friend, or even their pet, that they're having sex with them? I know that's not what your suggesting, but that is the image that you're generating. Are you sure you want to do that?

  • QooLipBite

    I'm sorry, I have never actually sworn without censorship on this website but this take?

    WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

    I'm not sure if you're being genuinely legit or you're just rationalizing yourself from the pain of what you've done in the past.

    I understand that you were trying to use an analogy but obviously apologies can only be applied to a certain extent.

    Sex cannot be compared to hugs because hugs can be offered to anyone in many circumstances however sex is not something you should be handing out like hugs.

    No one EVER feels the same way about giving hugs and having sex.

  • OrdinaryGentleman

    lol "hug my mother?" you must've had an interesting home life... I can't agree that it is a hug... lol that was a horrible idea of it. You can't get a baby, STD's or a crazy girlfriend from hugs. Sex isn't important, however I don't wanna fling myself at the first slut I see walkin down the street

  • Nuqood

    If you're throwing out pussy like you throw out hugs then HMU.

    • Sara413

      Because analogies are totally literal... SMFH...

    • Nuqood

      So that's a no, then?

  • No woman has ever gotten pregnant by accident, from a casual hug. But they get pregnant by accident, from having casual sex though.

  • dudeman

    you're so wrong on this its not even funny. that statistics dont lie loose women make horrible wives and mothers. yes it does change you and actually the men a women has had sex with their dna actually gets incorporated into hers.

  • BruceJender

    I'm struggling to understand the whole purpose of this MyTake. Is it just a tirade against a 1-in-a-million insecure ex lover?

    Bottom line is people have sex AND love it. If you go around shagging people, so be it, but obviously lots of people are going to have their own views and opinions on it - deal with it.

    I don't quite understand how you can compare hugging to casual sex though.

    • Sara413

      It's in response to the many, many questions and comments I see on this site ALL THE TIME saying that people (women in particular) who have casual sex are "used up" and incapable of having meaningful sex. I just used the ex as an example.

      What do you not understand about the hugging analogy?

    • Well they're completely different.

      Personally, I've never hugged someone (man or woman) without it meaning something. Hugs are reserved for people I care about and people who care about me. They show compassion, love, friendship and care. So, for me, "casual" hugs don't exist.

      Sure I have casual sex many times and it doesn't affect how other woman see me because I don't let it. Nor should you.

      Most people just do want to know about a partners sex life. Obviously not the whole story, but it's nice to know...

      I think you're making a meal out of nothing.

    • Sara413

      "So, for me, "casual" hugs don't exist."

      Nor for me. I'm not really a hugger. But would you say that a hug from someone who does give a lot of hugs, but with whom you have a meaningful relationship, is less meaningful? That's what I'm getting at - just because a person has done something casually with another person that you don't tend to do casually, doesn't mean that with you (or any other meaningful partner) that act is not meaningful.

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  • Roadcruiser1

    This is the primary reason why Western Men are running away from Western Women, and trying to avoid them like the plague. I hope you love your 40 cats. :).

  • Mistnigqa808

    #GTFO here with this #BS + basically all I read was this "I was to sleep around like that skank that I am or get passed around like a #blunt by the hood. And now I want you to accept me for who I am". Which is in fact #UsedGoods in my mind.

    Girls are always trying to make excuse as to why they chose to " #hoe " themselves out hahaha #SameGoesForGUYS ^_^

    i1127.photobucket.com/.../ezgif.com-add-text.gif

    "Casual Sex is No Different than Casual Hugs" I see people #hugging daily in public. I've yet to see anybody banging each other, though -_-.

    .

  • elew4too

    Casual sex is unattractive to most men for the same reason fat ladies are unattractive to men: lack of discipline. The sexes aren't the same; there is a reason men and women are treated differently when they get around. For men, approaching, getting rejected by, continuing to approach, courting, dating and having sex with a lady is something that shows confidence, drive and aptitude. For a woman, (unless otherwise noted) having sex is simply a matter of being sufficiently persuaded. Therefore, when a woman has sex with lots of men and claims that the man with whom she wants to be monogamous is special, the man will always be skeptical that the woman was sufficiently persuaded by him, and that he is not better than any other guy on your track record. I would love to say that this man should believe you on what you say, but actions speak louder than words, sadly.

  • xobrowneyedbeauty

    I get what you're saying and I totally agree with you. My ex boyfriend used to worry about how loyal I would be because I had "a lot" of sex partners over the course of the previous year. I personally would prefer to have meaningful sex with one person (not just one person forever but just one person at a time over different people) but that doesn't mean casual sex isn't fun too. The point of meaningful sex vs casual sex are often very different.

    • Then do not get married or have a family. Its been shown to increase instability in relationships and increased risk of divorce that is damaging to both the spouse and the child. So do what you will but dont let your descision harm others.

    • @hellionthesage or I can do what I will and you can do what you will and stop trying to tell other people what to do. you do realize you post the same argument as a comment to everyone and it's not changing anyone's mind right?

    • linds34

      How many partners did you have that he thought was too much? I used to hook up a lot so I'm kind of worried about my boyfriend thinking that about me.

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  • LittleSally

    Hahahaha

    Kind of disturbing some people think this way.

    - only my opinion -

    • James19

      It is disturbing to me too

  • ThisDudeHere

    Depends on what you define as being judgmental. I mean, my views on promiscuity are simple - if a woman sleeps around... by all means. I don't mind. I can be her schoolmate, coworker, friend or even best friend. Her sleeping around is none of my business and, if at all possible, I would sleep with her myself if I am not in a relationship, she has no diseases and she's down for it.

    But I would not date her. I don't want to have a partner with that kind of mentality. This means I wouldn't judge her for her life choices as a whole but I would judge her based on criteria I have for a female partner. Am I the wrong somehow?

    • Sara413

      No, I don't think you're wrong for that. I don't understand it, tbh, but there's nothing wrong with it. Personally, I feel like if it's the only thing about her you don't find attractive, you night br cheating yourself out of something great, but you can't help it if you aren't able to look past it

    • I think this is wrong personally. You are not what you ask for in a partner, that makes you a hypocrite in my eyes.

    • BreatheMe

      I agree woth kambo. You can sleep around but your future girlfriend can't?

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  • NedfromtheNed

    I will let Marshall have the honors...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-3ummmR-Y4

  • Ladyegg67

    Well I did some digging casual sex can spread STDS even with condoms you can get hepatitis, crabs, wart , scabies and herpes. I couldn't really find a lot about STDS and hugs, except you may catch that persons cold or flu.

  • Bonnie12I27I12

    sex is a very personal thing. you're literally letting someone enter your body. i dont agree with casual sex.

  • Phoenix98

    While I understand the analogy the fact remains that the two are quite different in a lot of ways, sorry but I have to disagree with this.

  • HowDidWeGetHere

    Yes, there's no difference. A hug is just like having someone's private area inside of you.
    The hunger games are based on a true story too ^_^

  • VampireEmpress

    the guys are jealous because they're not getting sex. pretty much every guy posting on here has said they don't have a lot of partners or active sex lives before on different posts. I've honestly seen that.

    • True, most guys here haven't had many sexual partners, just like most girls here are virgins.
      It's usually the girls the ones that are harsher to promiscuous girls.

    • @AleDeEurope no, I see way more girls talking about their exes on here.

    • When virginity polls are asked, girls are always the ones that vote more for the "I'm a virgin" option.

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  • Zigzagz

    Here's the thing: a guy is seen as able to have casual sex without being "used up" because his value in society is in no way attached to his reproductive capabilities or his sexual market value, whereas when a girl goes around having a lot of casual sex, she is actively lowering her value in society due to the fact that in general, a female's value is directly related to her reproductive capabilities and her sexual marketplace value and her value in society are one and the same. Regardless of whether or not she is actually "using herself up" by getting pregnant, females as a whole have a finite amount of eggs and fertile periods in their lifetime, so when she has a lot of sex, we as humans feel on a biologically fundamental level that she is lowering her value.

    • Sara413

      "a female's value is directly related to her reproductive capabilities"

      That's precisely the problem.

      Even if I didn't have much casual sex, or any, does the fact that I don't want children mean I hold no value to society? Despite the fact that I am a productive member of society? That I, with just a little bit of direction from an executive, run an entire non-profit organization on my own? That I have given generously to friends, to family, and even to strangers? That I try to live my life positively and help others when I can? Despite all of that, I have no value because I don't want to reproduce? That is a sick and sad mentality to have and I don't think it has any place in modern society.

    • Sara413

      What about my two female friends that I know of who are physically incapable of bearing children. Do they hold no value?

      Even from the perspective that a woman's value comes from her reproductive capabilities, that doesn't explain in any way how her value is tarnished by having casual sex. It's not like more eggs get used up when a woman has sex. Whether you're a virgin or you fuck 3 different dudes in a month, you're still releasing the same number of eggs, which are essentially thrown away unless you allow them to be fertilized.

    • Zigzagz

      All I'm saying is that AS A SPECIES our biology tells us these things. You would be fucking surprised how much of our lisard brain controls the way we think. It's not me being "sick and sad" as you say. We are not above our biology as humans. We will always be animals. We are not divine beings.

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  • fearlessbanana

    Look at this sut trying to rationalize her actions. Sorry sluts there is a distinct different between a hug and letting a guy stick his pens in your vagina. You are a whore. Get over it.

  • KempisMC

    I agree , yes and no , until we remove the issue of disease , pregnancy and the responsibility that could entail , It will be hard to change mentalities and justifiably so, I wish it could be as a casual hug, I would love that , If I think for myself only , sure I wish the society had that mindset , but still , I would use my intelligence and wisdom to make choices that are healthy and that probably mean that I would take as many hugs as I wished. As a collectivity , as much as those who wish it was that easy to enjoy such pleasure , the risks would still be there and there would be a price to pay , emotionally, psychologically and financially on the health care system.

    We can wish and hope that such great pleasure be so easily viewed and shared , like the Bonobo monkeys do, but we are not there and will society evolve in that direction, I'm not sure if it would be a step forward or backwards , but to focus on desire of sexual pleasure as a motivation to enjoy life more. I don't know , a part of me ( my ability to enjoy such pleasure ) screams yes, but at what cost , really at what cost , We are not ready to go there and maybe we should never go there. If I wasn't so use to listening to my dick , ( I listen to it but act rarely on it ) I would say it should never become like a hug , Great question to my half ass answer.

  • Jager66

    Your right about not judging people for how they choose to live their lives, so long as they aren't hurting anyone, but the part about sex being as simple as a hug I can't agree with.

    For some people this does seem to be true, some women and most men, but for most women your opinion is simply not true. It would be interesting to know what you think of the government stats on the issue, did you base your opinion on fact or feels?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=um3EmS9DKsI

    • Good video, how did you do that, so far I can only seem to post links (despite my best efforts it would seem)

    • dudeman

      her opinion is based on feels. the whole take was her trying to convince herself that she's the same as a good girl.

    • Jager66

      @hellionthesage I just copy and paste, it used to not work for me either then one day it just did.. wish I could be of more help.

      @dudeman Yeah your probably right. Figured I'd ask rather then accuse though, I've been trying to be a little less intense when I talk to people, sometimes I can come off a lot stronger then I intend too.

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  • JuicyBrain

    I agree with what you are saying.

    I am also intelligent enough to know what an analogy is and understand that it is not supposed to be exactly the same thing because I am not fucking *stupid*.

    I can understand that you can have casual sex and yet, are able to really fall in love with someone and become monogamous. This is in part because we are human beings and not robots. Which means, we can change, we evolve. Our goals change in life. There may be a moment when all you want is to meet new people and have casual sex, there are other moment when you may want to settle down with someone you love and who loves you. Sometimes, I want vanilla ice cream, other times, I want chocolate. That doesn't mean that either chocolate or vanilla is better. That also does not mean that chocolate ice cream is a slut !

    I trust @Asker will understand my analogy. If someone tells me that ice cream has nothing to do with relationships, I will answer to you only by using ill fitting analogies !

    • Sara413

      *Applause!*

      Everyone seems to be taking the analogy soooo literally.

    • Lioness

      It'a not about being "intelligent" it's about MORALITIES and understanding what you do effects others. But go ahead and live in your "me world" that is what this generation is all about anyways... Really sad.

    • JuicyBrain

      @Lioness
      "intelligent enough to know what an analogy is"
      "It'a not about being "intelligent" it's about MORALITIES"
      No, no, I am pretty sure it's about analogies since moralities is a completely different and unrelated word here...

      How is having casual sex affecting others?

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  • bellybuttonlint

    The problem with this kind of thinking is that you don't know what disease you carry because it happens so haphazardly... it's not like you get tested before you have sex with someone. Not only that there are MANY studies to show that this type of behavior negatively affects women psychologically... but someone like you are not willing to admit that... it's too brusing for your ego.

    If your boyfriend sees you like this then you would attractive people like yourself. You'd be more likely to cheat because sex is so casual and so will he. You'd always question whether or not your partner was faithful because sex is so casual and easy to obtain.

    Would you put an alcoholic in a liquor store and expect him to just resist something he's been so casual with his whole life? No! He'd get every bottle he can get because it's normal for him and he doesn't even realize it. That's how casual sex is.

    Casual sex isn't casual and it shouldn't be unless you are married or in a committed relationship.

  • SIGguy

    Hugs don't give you STIs, sex does. Ya hug your relatives casually, would you casually have sex with them? What about your teacher (s)? That friend you don't find attractive enough sleep with but you keep around for his/her rich and interesting personality? Think about it.

  • NydusinExpo

    Well I m not a hugger so, friendly man hug aside I only give hugs to people I care about on certain occasions but I don't hold it against the people who hug more often. Different strokes for different people I guess. It comes down to economics, something abundant is quickly devalued, having sex with someone who fucks around all the time is not the same as with someone who is very reserved, the later just feels special in itself.

  • Bananaman177

    If your past is important to me, then that's my right to discriminate.

    If you don't want to date guys who care where their woman comes from, that's your right to discriminate.

    I think the fact that you're a hypocrite is an even bigger turn-off than the fact that you're a whore and a whore apologist.

  • Bandit74

    Why do you care? If you really believe casual sex is good than you shouldn't care what other people think.

  • RajeshTheJeshter

    Awesome. How about you come over and we hug each other til you can't walk?

  • xHoneyxBeex

    I don't judge those who engage in casual sex but sex and hugs are two very different things and I don't really agree with your comparisons here. Hugs are never very emotional, they are mostly casual, even with someone you love. Sex is so much deeper, emotionally, than a hug could ever be.

    I think people can do what they want with their bodies and if that means they want to have casual sex, that's their decision. I just know that I would never want to have sex with someone I didn't truly love and who didn't love me. For me, sex is an emotional and highly intimate act ALL the time, I could never share that part of myself with a stranger or someone who didn't love and respect me.

  • Kirah

    Casual sex is a much bigger deal than a casual hug, you're deluding yourself if you think otherwise.

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