Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
As promised, here is part two of the series of takes dedicated to the topic of demisexuality. Like before (Demisexuality, Part I – My Story), I will stress that I expect there to be a lot of hate, misconception, and so on – but I hope that by providing a little bit of insight and information to people that they will come to understand demisexuality a little bit better, while helping others to understand who they are and where their feelings are. This take is going to be dedicated more to understanding the facts vs. the misconceptions in regards to demisexuals, as a lot of people are often confused as to why demisexuality itself is even considered it’s own entity. This and other topics will be discussed in this take. If there are any questions, or if you feel there was something I could have elaborated on better, I urge you to tell me in the comments below. Without further hesitation, here are come misconceptions and facts about demisexuality:
Demisexuality isn’t real, it’s just a preference
I can see why people might feel this way, because a lot of us are familiar with the idea that it’s quite normal to want to be in love before you have sex (this is very common in women), and while this is very true, it isn’t the same as identifying as demisexual. There are men and women who have a desire to want to be in love before they have sex - that is a choice. They may even feel like they have no desire to have sex with someone they’re not in love with, but even still, this isn’t the same as demisexuality. First of all, demisexuality is not a choice. It isn’t a simple preference where we just want to be in love and be comfortable with someone before we have sex; it’s an acute inability to become sexually aroused unless a profound bond is formed with another person. People who want/need love before they have sex can still experience sexual arousal when faced with someone they deem sexually attractive, even if they don’t act on those urges. Demisexuals cannot experience these feelings, or seldom experience these feelings. Many demisexuals even have aversions to sex and may feel repulsed by the idea of engaging in sex until they form a profound bond with someone, where they can then experience arousal. It often takes a lot of time and patience before you can get to this point with a demisexual, which leads me into my next topic.
Demisexuals just need love, then they can have sex, right?
Not necessarily. While all demisexuals have different experiences, from my knowledge, it often takes more than just love for a demisexual to want to truly engage in sex with a person. Notice had I bolded profound bond in the description above. I did this intentionally, of course, because this is truly what a demisexual requires in most cases in order to want to have sex with a person. I know this because I myself have been in love, but still unable to have sex with said person I was in love with. I won’t go into full details, but essentially I had been in love with a man who I knew for many years, I knew that I loved him and was ready to drop my life to be with him. One day, he had me over at his house, and brought me into his bedroom. He laid down on the bed, and quietly awaited me to lay down with him, even encouraging me to do so. We both knew what he was trying to make happen, and while I wasn’t offended by his advances, I wasn’t able to oblige him. This was because – while I loved him dearly, we weren’t an item, and hadn’t formed the profound bond necessary for me to be able to feel sexually inclined towards him. Demisexuals need to feel something that goes beyond just love: they need to feel the upmost comfort with you; they need to have absolute trust in you. The list goes on, but again, every demisexual is different. This is why I describe the bond necessary as profound, and profoundness often comes with complexity.
Demisexuals aren’t/don’t need to be attracted to anybody physically
For each demisexual, this is different. I have known demisexuals who don’t care for physical attractiveness, but genuinely I find more often than not demisexuals DO feel physical attraction to people. I know I along with many of my other demi-brothers and sisters do have physical preferences and even require our potential partners to be a certain level of attractiveness in order to find them dateable, the same way all most other sexualities do. The reason people assume demisexuals don’t feel physical attraction to people is because they assume that physical attraction has to correlate with sexual desire, but this simply isn’t true. Like I explained in one of my comments in the last take, I am still completely able to find a man attractive, and use the example of a seeing a man of a muscular build and the difference between how I would see him, and how another woman would potentially see him. I still have the ability to see him as attractive, and to find his body attractive. The difference is I don’t feel sexually aroused by his body, I simply find him attractive and nothing more.
Demisexuals hate sex/have no libido
This is without a doubt one of the biggest misconceptions that I want to debunk. Demisexuals are completely capable of having a healthy sex drive – the difference between a demisexual and a hetero person is that they have specific requirements before their libido will show its bashful face. This means that, even though your partner may be a demisexual, once your bond is formed, you could have similar libidos; your sex life isn’t doomed. Of course, like all regular people, the libido of a demisexual is dependent completely on the individual. Also, no one hates an orgasm; demisexuals aren’t asexual, they don’t hate sex. They can feel repulsed by sex that doesn’t involve their soul mate, but that doesn’t mean they despise sex through and through. We can still like getting in a little nookie, we just have to love you … a lot.
Demisexuals just want to feel “special”/ want to label themselves
I hate it when people tell me that I should “just be a person” and not label myself. Or that I just “want to feel special or different”, so naturally instead of trying to be unique I burden myself by labeling myself a generally not very understood or accepted sexuality. Makes sense, right? No, of course it doesn’t make sense. I’m not going to say there aren’t people who label themselves a certain sexuality for the sake of attention or to feel “special”, it’s actually a very common complaint in the bisexual community. But for anybody who openly identifies as demisexual, there is nothing worse you can say to them than that they simply have a desire for attention, a desire to be special, and so forth. We don’t treat this like a badge of honor, we wear it the same way anybody of any sexuality wears their identity; it’s just who we are. Giving your sexuality a label is a way of forming an understanding of oneself and a sense of community; it takes us from being this freak with a lot of extremely confusing and complex feelings that people just don’t seem to get, to a single title that compiles all of these feelings and preferences into one category: demisexual. People assume that the whole reason I made these takes is for some kind of attention, while completely ignoring the fact that I posted these anonymously. Why? Because I, along with many other demisexuals, don’t openly identify. This is for many reasons, such as the way it’s treated, fear, and for me personally because I don’t feel my sexuality is anybody’s business unless I see a reason for them to know. I didn’t write these takes so people would be awed by my sexual preference, I wrote this with the distinct desire to spread information to people who needed it.
Demisexuals don’t have gender preference
I’m not 100% positive where this came from, I suppose it likely stems from the idea that since demisexuals need a bond with a person in order to want to have sex, people assume that love is the only thing required in order for these feelings to form. That isn’t true in the case of people of identify simply as demisexual. Don’t get me wrong, there are other forms of demisexual that cater to gender preference, like demi-pan, demi-bi, demi-les, demi-gay, etc, but that doesn’t apply to all demisexuals. Typically, someone who identifies simply as “demisexual” is demi-hetero, a demisexual with heterosexual preference (preference for the opposite gender). Again, like always, I stress that every demisexual is different, and if you are confused about somebody’s gender preference, you can always ask, assuming it is appropriate to do so.
Demisexuals never experience any kind of arousal without another person
Like I said before, nobody hates an orgasm. Demisexuals may be incapable of becoming aroused when faced with another person, but that doesn’t mean they can’t become aroused on their own. It’s actually more common for demisexuals to masturbate than it is for them to engage in actual sex, since we are capable of having sexual fantasies and things of that nature. For me personally as an example – referring to my other take again – always fantasized about fictional people acting out sexual things with each other. I drew the line at picturing myself doing things with another person, because I couldn’t become aroused by this. Many demisexuals are able to achieve sexual arousal or gratification on their own much easier than they would with another person.
These are all of the facts vs. misconceptions that I could come up with, but as I said before: if you have any questions or things you would like to add, I urge you to post them in the comments below. I am considering doing a third installment of this series that deals specifically with demisexuality and the dating scene, but that will be dependent on how this take is received. I hope you all enjoyed it and have a nice day.
Most Helpful Girl