Sexual Relationships
+1 y

"Guys only want one thing!"

"Guys only want one thing!"

Ok, I absolutely do not understand these girls who say "guys only want me, or girls, for one thing".

I absolutely do not understand it. I've been in 5, 8+ month, relationships in my life and these have been the only men I've slept with. One was young love, two were absuive, one emotionally detached, and currently with the last one. That's why there are more than I'd like there to be, so please don't judge. And I can honestly say I've never had a one night stand or "slept around" for the hell of it. I have never been used for sex or even felt that I have been.

I feel that the girls who feel this way have obviosuly given this guy who "only wants one thing" some notation that that's all she's good for. Because if they haven't, the guy wouldn't have even approached you in the first place. Whether you're 1) dressed promiscuously 2) they've heard you were promiscuous 3) they've seen you be promiscuous 4) you have promiscuous friends or 5) someway proven to be involved with the word promiscuous in any way, even if you aren't.

I am not downing women who only want one night stands or flings, or even judging these women who seem to find these guys who that's all they want is sex. I'm just saying not very many men have approached me wanting one night stands or just for casual sex. And once they start talking to me, they quickly realize I am not one of these girls that gives it up easily. I've been told that it's because I exude this sense of wanting more than just a fling or one night stand. Basically, I expect more from men than what they want to give. Hints why I've only attracted a few, and hints why #5 will be my last. Not saying all the men I dated were excellent choices, but they never used me for sex. And that's the topic.

I just simply do not understand how it happens. There are certain ways to act/be to where a man will take you seriously and eventually you'll both get what you want, assuming you'll attract the right guys from the get go.

SOMETHING FOR THE LADIES:

Some of you women need to realize something, men spend their money on what's most important to them. So if he can't bother to buy you roses, or take you on a nice date, or bother to even spend the $8 to clean his car up at the car cleaning place, then dump him and consider yourself lucky that you did before he "got what he wanted" and left.

Find someone who prides himself in being chivalrous. And I mean THE WORKS!! Giving you his coat, flowers, dinners, opening your doors, pulling your chair out for you, standing when you get up to leave the room, and many more. If he can't bother to do this, then don't bother giving him the goods.

There are still men out there who do this, they are just looking for the women who require it of them. I promise! Not enough women are holding men to the standards the should be held at. Men want to be called men without even realizing what being a man is. And same goes for women. Know your worth, and require what you deserve! This goes to men and women! There will be a lot less heartache and shame!

SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE:

It's simple really. Find someone who is willing to prove they are worth your goods, and if they don't even bother trying to prove themselves worthy, DUMP THEM! REQUIRE MORE FROM THE PEOPLE YOU DATE, SET A STANDARD!! And if they can't meet your standard, kick their ass to the curb, QUICK FAST AND IN A HURRY! That will save you a lot of heartache and a lot of shame in the end if you've given up the goods and they leave you. MEN, this goes for you to. Before you go spending your hard earned money, make sure she's worthy of your money. And if she's not, DUMP HER! Find someone who will pursue your heart, Find someone who makes you a better person!

• Any input on why guys act this way, from a guys perspective?

• Any input on why girls feel this way or accept this behavior, from a girls perspective?

DISCLAIMER: This myTake is not to offend or step on anyones toes. I'm simply here to understand why guys are this way and why some girls seem to only attract this kind of guy. And if you decide to comment with some kind of negative bullcrap, it will result in NOT ONE RESPONSE from me, I will not lose one minute of sleep over it, and I will assume you are one of the characters listed above and you're getting offensive because I'm on a touchy subject. Resulting in lots of laughter on my part. Thanks and goodnight.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I like to say that I don't dress slutty or anything type of sorts but I notice and other girls are complaining too on the internet look it up is that these "men" are harassing girls online sexually and I been catcall in real life while trying wearing sweats I don't know why I attract these pervs but I do. I also realize most men now a days are thristy as fuck most now want to fuck on the first date like seriously. I think most ladies have made most men think its ok to just fuck and nothing else and it ruining dating for the rest of us who doesn't want to fuck first thing,

    • I don't dress "slutty" either and I've been... dog called? Been sent creepy messages from girls online. Been molested by a girl in real life. So I don't want to hear it. Pervs are in both genders. Bad people are in both genders. Females in my experience are more thirsty than I'll ever be. Usually I just mind my business and they stare and smile and try to ask me out or try to show off their bodies in front of me. And it is okay to just fuck so long it's consensual. Dating is no different. Several months from then you'll break up with that guy and then go fuck another guy who you're "dating".

    • I agree most people now a day need a wait up call about how to treat someone in the dating world.

    • Exactly. But I don't expect everyone to have the same views as me. There are girls out there who think they aren't promiscuous even if the fuck on the first date. But what do I know, I'm just a conservative prude apparently. Glad there are girls who agree that "just fucking" because we have a "mutual attraction" is ruining dating.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You sound like the kind of woman who makes a guy prefer to go to a hooker.

    • Hahaha! Couldn't have said it better. Saying it's so doesn't make it so. All this, "I'm not judging anyone, I'm not downing other women, I'm not trying to offend anyone," doesn't necessarily make it so. If that's not what you're doing, then just don't do it. It's not automatically better by simply "saying" you're not doing those things. Anyway, its abundantly clear what kind of girl the OP is. The only kind of guy who would stick around is the inexperienced, the easily-suggestible, or the conservative/religious. Here we all were waiting to hear a refreshing take, and instead, stumbled upon another misleading Cosmo article from the Evangelical Church of Later Day Abstinence.

    • @pnl86 this isn't the case at all. I've dated many different types of men, with different age ranges throughout different stages of my life. Not one was the same, also from many different cultures. And none of them seemed to mind my standards. They actually found it refreshing because of how many women gave it up on the first date. I don't mind being criticized for having standards. And if you two baboons prefer a hooker over something emotional because the woman "requires too much from you" then you deserve the hooker. It's dirty and disgusting. But if me having standards makes you prefer a hooker, and your standards are so low that you'd rather spend your money on a hooker instead of a good woman (lol), then I'd seriously suggest a therapist. But hey, what do I know. I'm just a woman with standards, I know nothing.

    • Well, I hope reality agrees with you. Tee hee hee <3

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • This. Thank you for this take.

    If you really want to know if a man wants only sex from you, put him to the test: Do not give him any.

    If he chooses to remain with you, to take the time to get to know and love you, to date you in celibacy, to truly know and love your heart, if he gives you his time, his life, and pledges his future to you in marriage, on your honeymoon, give him all the sex he can handle.

    Sex before then is just compromising with a man who isn't willing to invest all of himself into a relationship.

  • im not sure on one thing here.

    Are you you saying guys dont use you for sex because you dont let them, like you would be with a guy who would otherwise use you for sex if you let him but you dont , so he cant?

    or are you saying you dont attract guys who would use you for sex, hence why you're never with guys using you for sex?

    are you saying some women attract the kinds of men who just want sex, or are you saying the women turn potential bfs into sex machines?

  • I can only theorize about this, but I'll venture that men who "pump and dump" do so because...

    1. It's the most effective way they know of to exact revenge (often indirectly) on the women in their lives who have made them feel expendable and insignificant. It proves to his victim that no, he is not expendable and she is not invincible. The more hype and braggadocio a man hears about how something or someone is superior to him and/or generally invincible, the more he wants to take them down... to burst the bubble... to find the chink in their armor and exploit it. "You're not so big and tough *now*, are you?"

    2. On the flip side, there may very well be the depressing suspicion that sex is the best thing a man can hope for... a fear that if he permits himself to become emotionally invested in the woman he wants, if he permits himself to need her, she will abuse his trust, grow bored with him, and leave... as many wives nationwide have already done to their husbands. In order to avoid being left, he must be the first to leave, or so he reasons, whether by dumping her or by never being present in the first place ("it's only sex... she's just a pussy") so it (seemingly) won't hurt as much when she dumps him.

    • Outstanding! I don't condone either one, but I accept them both as an explanation (in all) for 95% of all cases.

  • So the guy is for some reason obligated to buy gifts and invite to dates and "spend his hard earned money" for the privilege of having sex? This is quickly starting to sound like something else than dating and love.

    "Before you go spending your hard earned money, make sure she's worthy of your money."
    Once again with the money. What is up with that?

    I think it's completely misguided when women think that if they get gifts and money then that is somehow a sign of love of caring. I find it strange that some women think that the emotional and loving commitment from a man comes, and should come in the form of gifts and money.

    Why is the concept of money and gifts even related so sex?
    I my world sex is something that occur between to people who feel a connection and attraction that doesn't rely on trinkets or money.

    Maybe I'm just old fashioned in my view that the willingness to have sex should come from love and not how many hoops the other jumps through or how much money is spent prior to that.

    Remove the gifts and remove the money from the man.
    Is his value then also removed? This take sure makes it sound like that.

    • No, girls should be requiring this of men so it'll weed out the men who do just want sex. Because the ones who do, WILL NOT DO THIS! That's all. No, even if a man can't give anything, it is a lot harder to tell his intentions. Think of it like an investment. If he's willing to spend his money on someone he really likes, he's not going to fuck it up. But like I said, this is just MyTake, and thankfully I've found guys who also had these standards and who's parents taught him that you must first court a woman before expecting anything. I don't expect all guys to do this, or even all women to want this. This is just my opinion on how to find someone more compatible with you if this is how you want to be treated. Because there are men out there who believe a woman should have everything I've listed.

    • Ok, so where is the "investment" the woman is doing in the man so he can be sure that she will stick around and not just want some free gifts and his money? What is her "down payment?" What is she doing to "earn" the sex from him? Why can't the rules and obligations be applied equality?

    • Technically women don't have to. We hold all the cards and don't even realize it. It's not equal. this also comes in play for guys finding a girl who isn't a piece of shit. Make sure she can cook, clean, provide for herself. A woman who has a career is t just with you for the gifts, she has her own money to buy flowers and meals. But it's nice to find a man shoguns her important enough to pursue her heart. But I don't know, I have a different view than everyone else. I'm not on the same wave link. Never have been. I guess I'm more conservative. But whatevs, I'm ok with it.

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  • If this isn't a bullshit my take I don't know what is. I agree with nothing you have said because the majority of us don't think that way.

    • I'm not really concerned that you think it's bullshit because everyone else does. This is mytake, meaning it's just what I view. You don't have to agree with it, because we are all entitled to our opinions but don't comment on my shit being a bitch. you seem like one of those hypocrite that say you can have your own opinion but if someone else's opinion doesn't match yours, they're stupid and wrong. Keep moving. Thanks. Goodbye

    • Judging by what you said I'm very doubtful you even know what a hypocrite is.

    • Ok:) it's ok, I don't expect my opinion to be the popular one. But one thing, I don't push it on people. You're trying to make me feel stupid because I have a different opinion than "everyone else" I'm ok with having an odd opinion. But you don't have to come at me with rude comments. Good day:)

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  • Lol i was gonna comment then i realised that this my take is a lost cause

  • Honestly, I feel like this is a very one-sided biased approach to love.

    This may be what has worked for you (or maybe, not... since personally, I've only been with an "abusive" guy once, who, once I realized he was verbally abusive and subtly manipulative I ended it within the month of realizing it wasn't me causing the problems. I would end it right there and then for anyone who actually thought hitting/physically harming someone you're mad at was acceptable!).

    But, whether it worked for you or not, it doesn't make sense to me.

    Love cannot be bought. If someone is broke then, do they not deserve/get love? That's stupid. Your ideas are relationships sounds very young and one-sided. We are close to the same age... but I've learned a lot about give and take, and different people have different issues/lifestyles. And sometimes I think women expect WAY too much for what they are giving back. I'm sick of hearing all these girls talk about their boyfriends "not getting sex" because he got pissed at her, or didn't get her a fancy enough gift. All that ends up doing is making men unhappy and bitter. And therefore, you unhappy.

    I'm not saying men are perfect. But honestly, there are guy's that just aren't right for you. You can't change people. It doesn't make them "wrong" or "bad guys", just not right for you. Personally, in my experience... I've met a lot of guys that look at love as a transaction (I buy you gifts, act nice, I get sex)... I don't find that appealing!!

    So if your relationships not working... Leave them and find a person that makes you happy! At least 70-80 percent of the time. It's such a waste to try to get men to become what you want, when there's literally a smart, funny, amazing single guy that would be a sweetheart (REGARDless of whether he follows the old dating principles or buys you a lot of things at the start) to you.

    Really, you just have to follow your own intuition. And with each relationship, you learn more about what's important to you, and what you do or don't want.

    But I don't think we should place do's or don't's on love. Especially, about something as materialistic and pointless as money.

    If this is just your way of saying they should put some effort into you... I agree with that! I just don't think it has to be money-wise. But maybe I'm just a cheapskate. Lol!

  • Live in your dream. Good Night, 500KG roses are on the way sending to your home. Enough space for you? Nonono, another 5000KG paper roses for you.

    • Paper roses are just as sweet. Anything to let us know you care.

    • And it really hasn't been a dream. I've had many men court me. It can be a reality if women require it.

    • @Sdavies2604 LOL -- We don't really need you. You'll price yourselves out of the market. In fact, it has pretty much already started. Ever heard of MGTOW?

  • So basically this: if a man isn't whoring you out and trying to get in your pants by throwing money at you, dump him. Its hilariously contradictory what many women like you want--they want equal rights except when its convenient not to be treated equally. naturally they don't want to be treated equally in the case of dating where they'd prefer that men pay for all the shit, buy roses, put all the work into initiating and setting up the date, and drive the conversation while keeping them entertained. Its a massive double standard that has a severe critical mass of hypocrisy.

    Women who like one night stands are awesome on the other hand. They put their sexuality on equal grounds with men and embrace the pleasure; They have sex purely because they enjoy it and not because they're trying to find a man who will give them a monetary advantage, as if the mediocre sex they provide is somehow worth all that time, effort, and money. Apparently it is to some men.

    Other women look down upon them and pretend they should be coddled, wined, and dined, and then only become romantic after a sufficient amount of money has been spent. The problem with men is that they have no self control and so they desperately try to meet the expectations of women in order to have sex. If men actually resisted sexual urges significantly more often, then women would drop all the bullshit of roses, caviar, sandals vacations and whatever other shit they can think of. The demand would drop and so would the price. The truth is that the male demand for sex is so high that it drives up the price of finding a girlfriend and getting laid because many women know they have a valuable commodity which they can sell to the highest bidder.

    Men should respect and welcome women who treat sex like men--traditionally called sluts--as superior to other women. The standard should be that sex between men and women becomes an equal exchange of pleasure rather than a monetary exchange for pleasure. The obvious reason why a lot of women look down on sluts is because it reduces the cost of sex meaning that men will be less likely to pay nearly as much for them--it reduces the power of supply they have. Its a subconscious attempt to create private goods from what shouldn't be a product at all. personally I would prefer a slut any day.

    • "Men should respect and welcome women who treat sex like men--traditionally called sluts--as superior to other women." Why does a man's way of thinking about sex, have to set the standard for how sex is seen? Also women and men look down on sluts because women get sex easier than men do, so people think they should be more picky basically. It's not necessarily a competition thing, I mean what sensible woman who would want a man who sticks his dick in anything that moves anyway.

    • Perfectly well-said. This also explains why slut-shaming has a female face, and why there is a mystique of Godliness surrounding the act of sex.

      www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1772634-how-much-better-is-sex-than-masturbation
      Notice the top female comment by @MargaritaPeach. This is such an attempt to drive up the perceived quality or desirability of sex in order to drive up demand.

    • @GirlsLie Who said anything about setting a standard? He just said "men should think of it this way..." He said that because he's addressing a male audience, as a male, about male concerns. You're free to think about sex however you want. And no, men (except for the dying breed of traditionalists) don't generally look down on sluts. That's a woman thing. We don't give a shit how many men you've been with as long as you don't have STDs. Why should a woman care about what a man sticks his dick in so long as it doesn't harm her? I understand STDs are a thing, but you either have them or you don't. There are people who fuck hundreds and never catch anything, and people who lose their virginity to Herpes Simplex type II.

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  • But guys still come to us wanting that one thing, even if we do nothing to show that we'd give it up easy, they still try for it. It's not always what were doing or how were dressing... its them hoping to get lucky

  • You have to consider the cycle of life. When young boys are of an age when they start detecting the differences in gender, one of the first things that come to mind is sex. The details are nebulous and the courting process leading up to sex isn't even considered, but that first adolescent instinct for men is of sex. Dirty, kinky, elaborate sex.

    This is our initial state. What comes after is typically a learning of the details and courting process. But not everyone is so quick to learn, and if you have young guy, they may not have even had time to start learning yet. It may sound disappointing that men have to learn not to behave like animals, but it's not because of one very important distinction between men and women: both men and women can adapt to new expectations, but men are typically much better at owning them - integrating them into their own personality. So, when a man 'learns' how not to behave like an animal, it reaches a point where if he ever had to behave like an animal again, he would have to learn that like he never had the experience of being one.

    As for why girls feel this way, there's a learning process for them too, but it's kind of the opposite. Women have to learn to be someone's slut. But unlike guys, they don't have to spend effort trying to "own" it, because it's already part of their instincts. They just have to allow it to be awakened. But they can't do it right away or the guy they are with won't have the time to learn about the courting process. I think most of the girls who are upset by men wanting only one thing are simply impatient with the male learning curve, and are at the brink of settling for the first guy who shows them even a hint of romance and affection, because they really want to start taking deep in every which way..

    but maybe I'm just a cynic..

    • I feel you may be onto something. Many women are very impatient and want what they want right now. No matter what it is. I can see some truth in your statement. Because yes, a dog is going to be a dog no matter what, but some dogs are more behaved and some even learn tricks😉 It's just the training that takes time.

    • well, the first crucial step in training a guy to pay attention to the courting process is to show him that it is necessary. The thing is that there are some guys for whom it doesn't actually seem to be necessary, at first - women throw themselves at them, and such guys never learn, because they don't have to. So, when one of the (ample) women who approach such a guy want a relationship out of it, he's just like "what? why? wait, I don't care why. the answer is no."

    • Omg, EXACTLY! When you throw yourself at a man, he will never learn. Because he doesn't have to. I knew you being older would kind of get what I'm saying. I'm not the best at expressing what I'm trying to say, but you're doing great at understanding this jumble in my head lol.

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  • That's becasue thoese ladies went for the popular, cool and hot looking guy that could get any girl. Because of that they had to drop their standards and provide sex for them as a mean to get the guys hooked up to them instead of realizing that they were just not compatible.

    And now they generalize everything. Dear ladies, if you want a guy to really love you and actually have a relationship set your freaking ego aside and look for a normal guy, not some popular, stuck up, spoiled drama king guy. Yeah, he might not seem as cool at first but once you get to know him you will realize he has to offer more than you could ever imagine.

  • Certainly nice take but overextended in thoughts!!

    • Maybe so, but it's my first Mytake. ill get the hang of it:)

    • I haven't written any myTake but let me know what u experience!! All the best!!!

    • Well, I'll go ahead and share. Everyone is very critical and judgmental if your view or in this case, MyTake, doesn't match theirs. BUG SURPRISE HUH? I wasn't aware I had to conform to everyone else's beliefs. Apparently I can't be myself or my own individual now. My view has to be what everyone else thinks. That really just pisses me off. Sounds like a bunch of liberals to me.

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  • 'Some of you women need to realize something, men spend their money on what's most important to them. So if he can't bother to buy you roses, or take you on a nice date, or bother to even spend the $8 to clean his car up at the car cleaning place, then dump him and consider yourself lucky that you did before he "got what he wanted" and left.'

    That's not the only reason men might feel reluctant about paying for everything! Think about it: if social pressure was on you to constantly be the initiator (i. e. make he first move) then be the handy credit card (for when she wants a nice meal) or doormat (for when she wants you to wait around holding doors for her) YOU might start to feel resentful about the system too!

    Other than that though good mytake, because not all men that approach are looking for one night stands, although personally I don't see anything wrong with that if both parties are into the prospect and contraception, etc. is used.

    • except for cleaning his car up... men should look presentable :P

    • Well, it's a standard. This is my standard, not all women will have this standard or even want this standard. And not all men will want to live up to this standard. But that's a matter of preference. I know what I bring to the table and if a man can bring what I require, I know there will be no resentment because I know I can deliver on my end as well. So it all depends on what you can give in return. If they don't match up, find someone who can offer about the same as you can.

    • I understand that you have your individual preferences and that is perfectly acceptable, lol. What I am trying to point out is that men who feel resentful about having to play the 'traditional gender stereotypes role-playing game' and refuse to pay for certain things aren't necessarily doing it because they are cheap skates or just looking for casual sex. If you prefer men that fit this more traditional role than you have the right to decide that. The word 'standard' bothers me though because it makes it sound like men that don't fit this set of criteria are somehow inferior, or less gentlemanly than the men that are genuinely willing and pleased to pay for everything (and they have a massive advantage by the way because dates go ten times smoothly for them). It makes it sound like you have some sort of gentleman's league, though of course that could just be a misinterpretation on my behalf.

  • Every guy always looks for somthing in a girl it might be goid behavior, kindness, etc. It depends with the guy. Oooh and when isay guy i mean a pure gentleman who sees more in a girl than sex

  • I do not sleep around and I have had random guys ask me for sex. And no I'm not promiscuous at all and I don't dress slutty.

  • There's a great quote which I put on my profile for posterity. Paraphrased, guys who 'got what they wanted and then left' didn't get what they wanted, or they'd have stuck around for more.

    • Hahaha that's a good one. I like it. But that goes back to being a good girl, and requiring the guy to be more than just a dirty dog. Because if know she will let get away with "just sex" by the girl, that's exactly what he will do.

    • I think you're making an bad assumption about what those guys wanted.

    • It's okay though, lots of people think that all men want is sex.

  • Guys do only want sex to begin with. What do you think the whole drive to mate with the opposite sex is? It's a biological function nature demands be fulfilled. It's up to the woman to prove she's more than just a quick fumble between the sheets. You want to be aloof, cold and distant then the guys going to treat you that way more often them not. Give him a reason to stick around

  • ur going through a rough time and this site is a stress reliever for you, quite healthy tbh.

  • In my opinion, money shouldn't even be a factor in wether or not you like, fall in love, or already love someone. And should def shouldn't be a means of earning their love, attention, or sex. Of course its inevitible you have to spend money unless you like to sit around and do nothing, and def can spend some $ to show love or appreciation. But by saying the man should earn sex, like respect or trust I dont agree with. You have sex because of mutual attraction and or love. Not because he bought you gifts or a fur coat lol. Love cannot be bought.

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