Fictional story inspired on true events to spread awareness.
Love and happiness is the feeling that I chase.
A soul of emptiness is filled by allowing a man,
I barely know to enter into my body.
This man yearns for me.
He holds me tight.
He pulls me closer.
He kisses my lips.
He gives me a feeling that I've never felt in my entire life.
This moment feels so good.
I don't want it to end.
But it does.
We gather our things, and return back to our separate lives.
He doesn't know it, but a piece of my soul is with him.
I want him to return, so he can bring me back a fraction of myself.
I want to experience the affection and emotions,
we shared that night; once again.
As I speak with this man over the phone, he tells me he won't be available until next week.
What seems like a short while for most, feels like a life time,
to someone who is empty, and chases a feeling that makes them "feel complete".
I meet a new guy a few days after me and the previous man's sexual encounter, it isn't long before me and him are enjoying our intimate time together.
I grip the sheets below me.
I bite my lower lip.
He stares intensely into my eyes.
I stare back into his.
"Oh, this feels so good", I mumble under my breath.
I don't ever want it to end.
But like every other encounter, it does.
We gather our things, and return back to our separate lives.
Again, I am left alone with my bare empty soul.
This is the harshness of my dark and cold reality.
Time continues to proceed, as my lonely soul stands still.
I've now racked up an outstanding amount of sex partners, which is triple my age in comparison.
If only I weren't verbally abused my entire life.
If only I weren't badly beaten and taunted throughout my early years of life.
If only I had someone that actually showed that they gave a care in the world about me.
Maybe things would be different....
Maybe I'd be "that girl" society holds up to a high value.
Maybe I wouldn't be so screwed up......
I entered this life as an innocent child,
who did not fail to see the ugly that surrounded her.
I didn't know how to deal with it, and it put me at a disadvantage.
Is there any coming back from this?
This planet is so crowded,
but why do I feel like I am the only person existing on it?
In a room filled with people, I scream at the top of my lungs, but no one hears me.
Time just keeps moving forward.
It looks like my past has caught up with me.
There's no more hiding from this truth.
It took me to fall hard before realizing, that all I've done my entire life was add to the damage that already existed in it.
When I reached out for help, all I got was criticism and judgment.
Shouldn't I just kill myself now?
Why not? because it would only match how I've felt internally for years.
There's Light After Darkness
No, I must find the will to go on.
It's far too easy to stay down in life and that's what I have been doing since day one.
I am a fighter and will get through this.
Perhaps, my happiness can lie through educating others to make decisions, that help them excel in life.
This doesn't have to be everyone's story!
If you're a lost and broken soul, sleeping with others will only add to the destruction you feel inside.
You really aren't helping yourself, with each person you sleep with, you are further damaging who you are as an individual.
You are chasing what is a fragment of your imagination.
None of it is really love....
For years, I ran after this drug (that feeling) hoping to sustain my high.
Yes, that's what sex made me feel.
But what added to my destruction was the feeling of hopelessness after that high was gone.
My mistake was not dealing with what my life was at the time, instead all I did was try to escape from it.
No one is to blame for my decisions but myself.
I thought an incurable disease couldn't happen to me, but it did.
I've heard so many people say that they are "too careful" for that to happen to them.
Don't they understand that millions of people have said those very same words, yet that does not change their diagnosis?
Can you tell me when did you ever hear of an std discriminating against age, race, religion, or gender?
Is anyone really invisible?
Lets care about ourselves enough to not play russian roulettte with our lives.
When you're lying in your death bed with full blown aids that you didn't even know you contracted, would a few moments of pleasure seemed worth your entire life?
There's so many people walking around that are asymptomatic. They have a disease but show no symptoms. They use no precautions against disease spread because they don't even know they are infected.They sleep with multiple people, you go and you sleep with others, those people you slept with sleep with others as well. This disease has now multiplied in such a short time frame.
Get tested together with someone before you engage in sexual encounters with them. Use a condom (it helps against std spread, although not 100 percent effective). Do not rely on a test that is shown to you, claiming to be clean (if it were taken months prior). Results can change. Kindly request that they get retested and you do the same (if you decide to not do so together). Be open and honest with your lover.
People often paint those who sleep around in a negative light. Although the behavior this person displays is unappealing to some, you cannot judge someone elses shoes if you cannot even walk in your own. In other words, a lot of people judge others for the way they deal with their issues, when all reality they are someone who cannot even handle their own plate. It's always easier to be the advisor than it is to take your own advice.
This person's "reasons" behind sleeping around does not justify their actions. All I am saying is that, for all you know they could be a good person who is lost and hurt on the inside. Sometimes people are in search for help, they show signs by exhibiting extreme behaviors, but because everyone disagrees it, they shun them. They are looked at as bad, and society turns their cheek, and looks the other way. This person further self destructs.
Everyone's story is different.
For those who sleep around for pure enjoyment, just be smart and use protection.
I want you to understand, that there's nothing that is 100 percent effective, you're always taking a risk (even with as little as one person).
All you can do is use pretentive measures against contracting a disease (as mentioned previously).