Sexual Relationships
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Why I (And Many Other Guys) Love Dominant Women

This will be based off my own ideas and preconceptions so it's about as informed as everything else on the Internet (i.e. not very) so don't treat this as anything important or serious. I've just noticed that there have been plenty of Takes in a similar format to this but I haven't seen one about this topic. So I thought I'd give my 2 cents as I'm sure this applies to plenty of people. :)

(According to the main online site relevant to this topic, about a quarter of women are dominant and the same portion of men are subs.)

Clarification: By dominant, I mean takes charge in much of the relationship (especially the sexual aspects (though not exclusively). To clear up a few myths, I don't see submission as involving whips and chains. The woman can be in pink pajamas and wearing minion slippers and still be a boss. She can be 'mildly attractive', younger than the guy, loving, cute as a button and still be a total badass.

1. Confidence is sexy

Why I (and many other guys) love dominant women.

This one is obvious but I think it's especially true for women looking to dominate men. Some people seem to think that women can't be dominant as they lack the physical strength. From what I've seen, there are only a few men that think of physical strength when they think of dominance. Hell, most of them aren't even talking about things like bondage. For me, dominance is about attitude. A woman is dominant if she is confident in her sexuality, values it and knows she has the ability to turn on the man and is willing to do so. Most of my favourite stories of dominant women don't involve bondage or leather. They just involve a normally dressed woman seducing a man and making him jump through hoops for her pleasure. It can even involve a woman teasing a man without so much as touching him.

2. They allow me to show my 'softer side'

Why I (And Many Other Guys) Love Dominant Women

I'd only submit to someone I liked and trusted. This means that if I'm submitting, I'm with someone (probably all alone) I can be vulnerable with, especially as she will control the situation and guide my actions. She doesn't expect me to be 'macho', tough or 'alpha' because that's her role so I can relax and be open about my feelings without fear of 'losing control'. Also, imagine a situation where you can completely follow someone's lead, so fully confident in someone's love for you that you will be perfectly safe. That's heaven for me.

3. It's different

Why I (And Many Other Guys) Love Dominant Women

It's safe to say that the 'man lead, woman follow' template is pretty much standard. I know women get a far worse deal than men when it comes to social expectations but 99% of the films I've watched, send the message that to win the girl, I have to save the world/defeat Megatron. Most tips about relationships suggest that I need to buy gifts, make the moves, be confident, take the initiative wrt dates and choose the location for dates as well as loads of other things so the idea of taking a back seat (ito decision making) in bed is hugely appealing and makes for a nice and interesting change.

[Anecdotal evidence time] Also, as far as I can tell, in most relationships which are openly dominant, the man was the one to suggest it. Almost all online discussions of how to turn a relationship into one where the woman is dominant are started by men. This suggests that plenty of men wouldn't mind sharing control a bit more.

4. I don't have to second guess what I'm doing and what you want

Why I (And Many Other Guys) Love Dominant Women

Women can be very confusing. Sorry but you are. I understand the culture of long dead, human sacrificing and polytheistic civilisations better than I do the average woman. They frighten me less too. So the fact that I (as a straight man) want a lifelong relationship with one is pretty daunting (it's like being a cat person but being allergic to them). This is why the idea of a woman who is direct and clear about what she wants and what would make her happy is incredibly appealing to me. I get to feel confident in what I'm doing without being a mind reader.

5. The idea brings out my inner romantic

Why I (And Many Other Guys) Love Dominant Women

I know dominant guys can be romantic too but lots of guys worry about how to be dominant and chivalrous at the same time. I don't as I would much prefer being able to be with a woman who doesn't expect me to take charge. In my mind, submission and romance aren't different at all. I'm not a masochist you see. I want my submission to mean something and be well received because acting and showing my love through acts of service is a great way to compensate for my (relatively) poor verbal skills. By submitting, I feel more comfortable expressing my love and doing things that will make her happy. By defying gender roles, placing her at the centre of my actions and working to please her, I get to fully express what I'm feeling and women who feel comfortable with being in the 'driver's seat' are free to appreciate that.

6. Some fetishes help

Why I (And Many Other Guys) Love Dominant Women

Some fetishes go naturally with being dominated. Plenty of men have a thing for female feet, women in leather or high heels or being spanked. Fetishes that lend themselves to being dominated. This point is pretty self-explanatory but it is interesting that the image of the strong, leather clad domme is a part of popular culture despite men rarely submitting to their partners in popular media (e.g. films).

7. It's unpredictable

Why I (And Many Other Guys) Love Dominant Women

As opposed to a situation where the girl expects me to ask her out, to arrange where we're going, what we're eating, how much it will cost and initiate sex, I'm with someone who feels comfortable taking charge. I don't know what the other person will do. It also means that she is comfortable with asking for what she wants, rather than either of us falling into the trap of viewing sex as some kind of reward or one sided venture, instead of the mutual experience it should be. Plus by not doing the "normal" thing, we get to discover things for ourselves.

I've been wanting to finish this for months and finally got the chance. Hopefully many of you like it. :)

*NOTE: I've gone out of my way to avoid making this inappropriate and none of the images feature any nudity so hopefully this is ok. :)

10 7

Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, ok dude. So, here's the thing: What's SHE supposed to get out of this, then?

    I mean, you've mentioned things like "acts of service" and "working to please her"... but, let's be serious here.
    This is the real world. If I feel like playing oh-poor-me damsel-in-distress and cooing for help from the nearest dudes, I could VERY easily solicit "acts of service" from the nearest dudes for little or nothing in return. Just by basically standing there and acting all cute and kinda helpless, and shit.

    In other words, the things you are "offering" are very close to worthless, because they can be basically had for next to nothing, from randoms on the street.
    Just sayin, dude.

    I mean, believe me, I check off pretty much all of your boxes here, as far as sexual confidence and go-getter-ness -- but, still, nope. This description sounds like I'd basically just be adopting another child, except that child would be a supposedly functional able-bodied adult. That doesn't sound like a good deal to me.

    Ok, I get that some girls are down with occasionally topping in the bedroom. I'm not one of them, but, I understand they're out there, and all's fair in love and war.
    But, srsly, you seem to be talking about throwing basically ALL of the responsibility in the relationship onto the shoulders of the woman. Quite literally like she's adopting an adult child.

    Maybe I'm missing something big here, so, here's yr chance to explain. What would YOU be offering a woman in this type of situation, that would be of unique value to her? That she couldn't just get from some random dude off the street, if she needed/wanted it?

    • "This is the real world. If I feel like playing oh-poor-me damsel-in-distress and cooing for help from the nearest dudes, I could VERY easily solicit "acts of service" from the nearest dudes for little or nothing in return. Just by basically standing there and acting all cute and kinda helpless, and shit." Well you could do that with pretty much everything. Why have sex with a boyfriend when you could just have it with a random stranger? "But, srsly, you seem to be talking about throwing basically ALL of the responsibility in the relationship onto the shoulders of the woman. Quite literally like she's adopting an adult child." Not all. Just more than is normal and no more than she's comfortable with. A couple of things: First, this was obviously a one sided take written from my perspective. It is like a Take called "Things Guys like about Girls". It wouldn't go into detail about the reverse.

    • Second, this would just be one part of the relationship. It wouldn't be happening 24/7. Third, some women prefer having more of the responsibility. Fourth, I don't want to go into too much detail about myself (I did post this anon), but I'm not just as I described in my Take. I have my own personality, preferences and skills that would make me different from other guys. Plenty of women wouldn't be attracted to me at all adn that's fine, but some would be and some would like what I described in the Take.

    • "Well you could do that with pretty much everything. Why have sex with a boyfriend when you could just have it with a random stranger?" ::buries head in hands:: Oh, friend. Way to eliminate whatever value you might have potentially still had left, here. Are you THAT bad in bed, that you actually thought this was a good analogy? Or do you actually think that sex is just as good (or bad) with any partner as with any other? Oh boy.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guy

  • Good job - You managed to stay within the lines, I think any user can safely read this regardless of their age - In any of these takes I always say it is perfectly okay to explore your desires and hopefully find partner (s) who compliment these desires - I have no problem with either gender wanting to be dominant, submissive or switch, it is their choice, enjoy it folks and don't be afraid to communicate what your desires are to your partner (s), if you are lucky they might agree and like it.
    Also there is no harm in telling people what type of personality you are when looking into getting into a hook up, dating or relationships. A healthy sexual dynamic is often one of the many factors of a successful encounter (s) or relationship.

    • Thanks. I was worried it might get removed for being too close to sensitive topics.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I enjoyed reading this take, I also like women who are not afraid to take charge. My wife is somewhat this way. However I feel it is worth noting that taking charge also means taking responsibility for your actions. You want to be in charge that is fine with me, but know that for better or worse you have to own your actions.

  • Because you have a vagina?

    • Not on me, no. :P

    • I think you might need to check again, sir.

    • I think I'm alright tbh.

    • Show All

  • This sounds like my relationship! I like how you added that the black leather whips and chains stereotype isn't usually the case, I can be covered in ruffles and bows and still be dominant! ... plus I don't like the smell of lots of leather lol. I think part of what attracted me to my boyfriend was his genuine attitude about emotions, and his natural inclination to be nurturing. None of that makes him less manly it just makes him real and genuine. Some guys try too hard to seem macho and it makes them seem kind of fake, and like I could never really connect to them because they refuse to ever just be human and vulnerable. They are just so attached to this tough guy emotionless robot image, it's odd and I never know how to interact with such men.

    • Thanks so much! :) I'd agree. I'm definitely more on the nurturing side and part of what made me want to write this myTake was that I really don't want to have to act like that kind of tough guy 'alpha' just to be attractive. I was curious if many women actually agreed so thanks for answering. :)

    • No problem! I'm glad you could relate, people shouldn't change their personality just to seem attractive because they should let people be attracted to who they really are so the fake manly stuff annoys me.

    • Thanks. :) Can I ask you a question? Do you find guys like that attractive or do you see them as being like overgrown children?

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  • I live this mytake. Truly represents the fun that can be had when a woman takes the dominant role. My man loves all those aspects of me being dominant.

    • Thanks. :) He's very lucky. XD

    • I'm the lucky one. He's amazing.

    • you are dominant by nature, or you merely act dominant to add fun?

    • Show All

  • Nope to all of that. I don't like being owned or pushed around I had to deal with that for far to long in my life and the notion of being controled and forced to submit to any one is quite honestly the exact opposite of sexy its disgusting to me. If your into that what ever but I personally have never understood how any one finds it appealing to be subserviant with dog like obedience to another. Any woman who attempted any of this with me would find herself unpleasently suprised by the response (normally I'm very laid back but when some one pushes me I can push back quite hard). So yeah not for me.

    • No problem. :)

  • in public, she is like a kitten in his lap, with a leash on. in the bed, she morphs into a tigress who chains him to the bed and devours him

    Let me know if you want to know the name of book the above quote is from

    • What book is it from?

    • do you really want to know?

    • Er, yeah?

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  • Great! :)

    • Thanks. :)

  • Submission and dominance in sexual relationship are about balance.

    A man and woman should be both dynamic, both be dominant and submissive at the same time, pleasing each other with tender affection.

    Both excessive dominance and excessive submissiveness are rooted in psychological Complexes.

    • I agree entirely. I personally don't want to control any one and sure as hell am not going to be controled by any one. I find it odd that some one would want to be controled (to each their own). Though I guess I can't judge I have my own kinks I suppose, though they fall in line with what your saying.

    • Who... who are you?

  • Lol damn I didn't realize how much this described me until I read it. Guess I do like dominant women but I don't neccesarily like to be dominated. I enjoy all these things but it usually doesn't translate to sex for me. Generally it's all about 1 4 and 5

    • I'm glad you found it interesting. :)

  • I love men like you. You seem like you really respect woman. As for domination, I don't know if I am or not. I guess I don't know how to be because of how I was raised and our culture.

    • Thank you! :) A few people have mentioned that being dominant isn't black and white. Most people are somewhere between dominant and submissive so I'm sure you know how to be in some way.

  • i know what i want, im pretty blunt but i dont feel like im dominant at all. I feel like im not afraid to do what i want, speak up and voice my opinion regardless of your feelings. So, is that dominant? I don't know, i see a dominant women more like making her man her bitch

  • https://www.reactiongifs.com/r/mnc.gif
    Whatever floats you boat, dude.

    • Then why read the Take? Well, whatever floats your boat.

    • I honesly wanted to argue that this is not healthy, most women do not respect men with such... err... preferences and setting youself up for a heartbreak but I don't want to sound like a judgmental ass. I hope you're happy whatever you do.

  • Your reasons for liking a dominant partner are very much similar to many across the spectrum. Submissive men & women would likely all agree with these reasons.

    Unfortunitly, whether submissive or dominate, you're immediately put at a disadvantage in comparison to those who are culmination of both aspects.

    i. e. it sucks to be an absolute. Dominate and submissive individuals are incredibly rare across both genders.

  • it sounds more like you want a woman who is assertive and an equal in a relationship than you actually wanting a dominant woman. except in the bedroom you seem to want to be dominated.. nice myake (:

    • Thanks. :) You might be right. I really just hate the stereotype that the man has to be the 'leader' and the woman can't be 'bossy'. I also want to be able to do things for my partner without having to worry about being 'emasculated'.

  • I agree. There is too dominant but it's all in the attitude. It's she's still caring/loving also it can be a big turn on. I like submissive to though. I'd like a woman that can be both :)

    • Definitely. As I said to another poster, I think I am more attracted to dominance in women because it's so rare but both is good.

  • Very interesting Take.
    I really don't see a problem with letting roles reverse where the guy is more submissive and the woman more dominant sometimes.

  • I love a dominate woman. Reason being i love 2 whorshippp her every command. Especially ones who are in 2 pain and pleasure.

  • Well I don't like being in charge. I feel like the guy should lead because I'm not sure if he'll like or wanna do what I want to do. I feel bossy and controlling sometimes where I lose respect for the guy since he's not assertive enough

    Ehhh I don't know I just couldn't take the wheel all the time and dominate them 24/7
    I'm fine with balance and initiating once in a while but I've noticed that guys get lazy and then I start to wonder IF he's even into me.

    I'll try to incorporate a few things though caz I don't think it's fair for the guy to be pulling all the weight and initiating everything

    • @ feel like the guy should lead because I'm not sure if he'll like or wanna do what I want to do. I feel bossy and controlling sometimes where I lose respect for the guy since he's not assertive enough Why wouldn't he feel the same?

    • @Azara I don't know from experience it doesn't seem like the guy cares about what I want... Unless he wants it too

  • Nothing wrong with switching it up in the bedroom from time to time. BUT a woman playing a male role in a relationship will never work. Call me sexist all you want, but the male is supposed to lead and the female is supposed to follow. It just Will NOT work or last very long.

    • Plus men today are fucking pussified today Moslty by Hollywood and consumer culture, your what we call the product.

    • You are obviously a man lol no woman would ever said that and if you really are a woman then too bad for you to think of women like that, ''female is supposed to follow'' I'm not a fuc*** dog. And baby, all my boyfriends were submissive to me and no problem, my relationships are often better than those of the girls I know who think that is normal to be an usseless human being who need their boyfriend's help for almost everything. Sad. Being a woman doesn't mean to be usseless and that a man has to tell you what to do. The sh** that I have to read sometimes lol

    • @Luzdeluna follow whom Who you are You are just a human Dont consider yourself as a god

  • I do best with a girl who is neither dominating nor overly submissive. I want an equal. I want to be able to take the lead sometimes and make decisions but not have it feel like it's something that I 'have' to do or nobody will.

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