Women and their Own Attraction Conundrum


When it comes to sexual attraction, it's commonly known that women are far from logical. The immediate stimuli for men is visual, which is far from logical, but men can delay gratification if they want a more meaningful connection with a woman (emotional/spiritual). Women are different because they are attracted to much broader attributes - physical, emotional, psychological, etc. Sure, there are gold diggers, but wealthy men can be attractive to women because of their success and ambition - i.e. the intrinsic confidence-building qualities that helped these men become wealthy to begin with. That is why the triangle of attraction is looks money AND status, not just looks and money.

Shallowness and Double Standards

Women and their Own Attraction Conundrum

It's often argued that men are more shallow because they are only interested in superficial qualities. Women can be very nice as people but overlooked by men if they do not have the physical attributes that are conducive to darwinistic reproduction. It's true that what attracts a woman is much more intrinsic, but before you associate 'intrinsic' attraction with 'meaningful' or 'virtuous' intentions, etc., you should think about how men with low self-esteem are treated.

If a man is not content with his life and completely together with his personal stuff (finances, relationships, management, etc.) this makes him undesirable and can complicate his. If it was purely goodness women sought for in a man then this would be understandable and not a form of selfishness, however goodness, or absence of goodness are not really factors in motivating female attraction. It's not as simple as "only bad boys and players win", but it is not like women are crawling all over the good guys either - not if there is any sign of insecurity or lack of self-belief. This can be in spite of all the other virtues a man may have - e.g. his intelligence, his creativity, his good looks, etc. In short confidence is always king, for better or for worse.

But of course, these are standards that women are entitled to - as much as men are entitled to prefer good looking women, women are entitled to prefer men that walk with their chin up, so to speak.

Feminist Men

Women and their Own Attraction Conundrum

Lots of men nowadays grow up believing the hype about feminism. Since women are equals, some men try to take this notion of equality into the dating world: they want to give women the chance to approach first, let women buy their own drinks, pay for their own half of the date, etc. In practice, however this is a bad idea because it goes back to caveman days where women were provided for by men as they fulfilled a more domestic/supportive role. Genetically, women are more attracted to the masculinity of a man that demonstrates he can provide. This means that women do NOT want to be treated as equals when it comes to dating. The opposite is true: they want to submit. Men that try to be feminists in this respect will be seen as unattractive prospects.

Male Virginity

Women and their Own Attraction Conundrum

In theory, women will have sex with a virgin - it is the lack of confidence one may have that turns them off. In practice, however, it is very difficult to be confident in something that one has no experience in: try driving a formula one racing car without even knowing how to work the clutch and accelerator in a regular car, it's impossible. This leaves men with a relatively short window of opportunity as young men to find young women that will find them attractive due to their own inexperience. It's the only time frame to find desirable women that will give them the experience required to become more attractive as they get older. Later in life, male virgins will have a hard time winning over the opposite sex. It's not impossible for them to get experience, but typically they will have to lower their standards, either paying for sex or dating women in a lower league - this is even the case for men who would otherwise be considered a 'catch' (looks, money & status wise). Men can spend a lot of time, money and effort trying to improve their attractive appeal at this age, but to no real avail because they will always be looked down upon as someone who could not keep up with their peers when it came to the bedroom.

Often it's the men that don't understand these principles and were feminists earlier on in life that find themselves in this dilemna and probably the same men that become online misogynists and sites like GAG, bitter and resentful about women. The traditionalist men are more successful and actually end up with more loving, compassionate attitudes towards women. The latter type will continue to be shunned by women unless they sacrifice a LOT of their original values and face up to the fact that they have a lot of lost time to catch up with.

Women and their Own Attraction Conundrum
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Anonymous
    My Husband is a Feminist and was a virgin when we got together but you wouldn't have been able to tell because he came across as very confident... you fake it until you make it sometimes. There is no reason in my opinion that a guy even needs to tell her that he is inexperienced. If he's taken a health class or if he's seen porn he has a loose idea of what to do. My Husband later told me that when he used to play with me (down there with his hand) a lot of it was making up for the fact that the hole wasn't where he thought it was so he was trying to look for it without being obvious -lol.
    Is this still revelant?
    • you would be able to tell he was a virgin... because he was a feminist

    • Anonymous

      Well whatever the reason I was happy I got to be his first and only!!

Most Helpful Guy

  • ThisDudeHere
    First take in a while that I read through. Nice job. It has a sense of "the world ain't fair guys, suck it up." Well written.

    "Later in life, male virgins will have a hard time winning over the opposite sex."

    That^^^ struck home for me. I'm most def gonna be that guy since I haven't yet done it. More often than not I fear that I'm gonna have to resort to a prostitute but I dunno if it'd be better to just live without ever having dobe it instead.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      ' It has a sense of "the world ain't fair guys, suck it up." '

      mainly because I want to take these words away from the detractors who aren't so sympathetic with these kinds of men. but yes, there is a certain truth that when you recognise the fact the world does not owe you, you are more likely to take for yourself than sit around complaining, which is unconstructive. this doesn't necessarily mean the situation is fair - it just is what it is. I for one am not going to fight it, but I will point out the glaring inconsistencies many feminists come out with when it comes to dating.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • ColinHarvey
    Women like hunks. Men and Women like attractive successful people, they don't want to babysit. Sure there are differences in desire among individuals but the standards are about the same.

    If you disagree I'd suggest Mgtow.
    • Anonymous

      sure all of that is reasonable, I just wish both genders could be more honest about what they want.

    • "If you disagree I'd suggest Mgtow."
      What does that mean?

    • @SarahsSummer

      Men who Go Their Own Way - google it.

    • Show All
  • badadvice101
    The first pic made me laugh so much. They took the pic at the right time ;)
    • Anonymous

      yes it was a good pic.

  • dominiquois
    You act like its only men that are into good looks. Women are too.
    Women are visual as well they just are judge a man more well-roundedly (so not just looks but the inner qualities and hobbies, etc)
    Men usually become bitter when they go after women purely due to their looks and go above their league and then wonder why those girls reject them.

    • Anonymous

      well, I use to think women were more about looks but I began to notice that unconfident but good looking men were often unsuccessful.

      'Men usually become bitter when they go after women purely due to their looks and go above their league '

      yeah, I agree that it should not be just looks. I also agree that men should not date way above their own league. but that goes for women also: they should not date elite status men way out of their league and shun men because they are not completely confident or whatever.

    • Yes I agree it goes both ways for sure.

    • Anonymous
    • Show All
  • GreatnessRevamped
    People don't seem to understand that feminism was made for the workplace, a gender neutral place.
    Relationships are not gender neutral. Women want to get dicked down proper by their man. period.
  • SarahsSummer
    You are correct. We look for confident men. If you are not, you'll need to feign such until it is real.
    • Anonymous

      right, and men look for attractive women. there's nothing wrong with that and they are definitely not any more shallow than women just because they prefer looks over something that is very fleeting / hard to trace and doesn't necessarily define a person's merit anyway.

    • I'll disagree with that. Seeking only looks is pretty much the definition of shallow, and both men and women can be guilty of it. Confidence is not fleeting. It grows. An attraction to a confident man could really not be considered shallow.

    • Anonymous

      you might be interested in the discussion I had with @dominiquois in another mytake.

      I explained there why confident men are not necessarily good or evil and why it can indeed be shallow, to judge a man by this - e. g. some men who are introverted, or on the autistic spectrum can be judged as unconfident by people in spite of having other positive personality attributes.


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  • Joc4Position
    I don't understand. How are men less logical? Females are visual too. You can see it in their face. I don't have to say shit. They just look at me and are attracted. The difference is that the stereotypical man won't try to hide it as much.

    Your feminist men thing is true sometimes and not true at other times. I try not to pigeon hole too much. I'm just myself. I don't try to be on either side of it. I'm just me. If I want to jump the fence I will. I don't care.

    Sex and driving a formula one car are vastly different. Sex is much easier. I can understand the expectations being very high for both though.

    Interesting that you believe in leagues too. Should have known. Most people in general look less appealing as they get older.

    • Anonymous

      1. I was using 'logic' in a loose sense. I. conceded that men are illogical in so far as they prefer physical attractiveness over other qualities that are debatably more conducive to reproductive fitness. As for women, they are ' illogical' in so far as the qualities they prefer are very changeable because they are intrinsic and therefore in the abstract. This makes women incredibly double. But being illogical is not necessarily a bad thing (there is more to love than reproductive fitness).
      2. That is a good stance to take. I am an egalitarian myself. As for feminism, I am merely pointing out that treating women equality does not necessarily mean that you will be successful. It is usually dominant men that are more successful.
      3. The point is that women don't. Generally feel comfortable with men who don't know what they are doing.
      4. Yes, leagues are real but attractiveness is also subjective. All I can do is look for general patterns in humans defining 'attractiveness'.

    • Anonymous

      5. Men's appeal increases with age unlike women (judged by looks, caring about socioeconomic status). But in anycasre, by later in life virgins, I was talking about men in their late 20s and 30s- such as the men you find on G@G.

    • I don't think desiring physical appearance over other things is illogical. Is everybody illogical to you? So desiring physical attraction is illogical. Desiring other qualities besides physical attraction is illogical. What is logical then?

      Personally I feel like we can never be the same. We can never be "equal". Women are different than men. That said I still choose to just be me. It's really all I know how to be. Just pointing that out. I know some guys like to be dominant. I know some females like for guys to be dominant. I just don't really care. If I am I am if I'm not I'm not you know?

      What's knowing what you're doing? I've had sex multiple times and it's always been relatively the same. From the first time to the last time.

      Nah I don't think leagues exist. That's just an excuse.

    • Show All
  • Noxifer626
    Now, this, my friend, is one myTake I will certainly forget in a very short time!
    • Anonymous

      hahaha how so?

    • Noxifer626

      Your PUA shit isn't needed on this site.

    • Anonymous

      well, this site has my PUA shit anyway

  • fiodor99
    wtf did i just read. son.. what the hell did you do wrong with your upbringing?
  • davidpossey
    my nigga
  • Undress
    Great take
  • Anonymous
    Sad but true, that's the problem of us male feminists :(
  • Anonymous
    Seems like all the real men are all taken or bachelors by choice and all thats left are the Beta males. So tired of guys who are pretending to be feminists because they think it will get them laid or guys that are just walking manginas or guys that hate their own gender and think women have the right to treat them like shit. The worse type of guy is the one who complains about being friendzoned but are really playing some kinda long game in which they think if they pretend to be your friend and bend over backwards for you that somehow maybe a few years down the line you will somehow fall into bed with them during a weak moment and see something attractive in them that you didn't see before.
    Like where are all the redblooded males who beat their chest and hot after what the want like a barbarian welding a sword and says fuck it if he can't get what he wants moving on to new hunting grounds. All guys now just seem to bitch and moan looking for pity sex, if I pity a guy im not having sex with him. Plus some guys use emotional black mail. Where are you Real men?
  • Anonymous
    Well let me share my story. I have always been popular with the guys but I have always felt asexual and never wanted anyone; I wanted to be single for life. Now at age 28 I met my boyfriend who was 21 when I met him, online. I fell in love for the first time with him because of who he is and not what he has because he has jack shit XD (I have a masters degree). We are just incredibly alike. He has no status really, he just flunked in school and doesn't seem motivated which can kind of bug me because I am always doing something and would love to do more, even if its just going for a walk together. He has no money ofcourse; he is a student; I am self employed. But I love him :) We have the same sense of humor, we get each other; we both love gaming, we re both vegans, we love cuddling and sexually also want the same stuff altho I would like to have sex more often :P
    We were both virgins when we met , and let me say he was great tho the first time. He seemed to have plenty of confidence in that regards even for never having even kissed a girl before.
    I would like to know how I can motivate him more tho to do things.
    • Anonymous

      fair enough

    • Anonymous

      'I would like to know how I can motivate him more tho to do things.'

      my own belief is that it's ok if he hasn't achieved yet as long as he still wants to and is willing to work towards a set of goals. he needs to find out what motivates him and what it is he wants to do.

  • Anonymous
    I wonder how Ryan Gosling feels about people just putting random messages around his face. Like he's turned into a huge meme where people just write random stuff.
    • Fugue

      That's what he signed up for.