Sexual Relationships
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Sex Shaming Needs To Stop!

Sex Shaming Needs To Stop!

People love sex - obviously.

It's RIDICULOUS that when a man has sex, he's praised and asked how many kills now, was she good in bed, etc.

But when a woman has sex? She's shamed. She's told she should keep her legs closed. If our sex count is more than you can count on your fingers, you're a slut. But for a man, the higher the number the better is what we've been conditioned into.

Why does it even matter how many dicks have been inside of me? I'm still the same person. Instead of being shamed, we should all just be praised. Good for you for enjoying your body and sexuality. As long as it was consenting, there is no problem.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Good take. Everyone seems to have different definition of the word 'slut' but I have noticed on this site if you have had sex you're automatically a slut, regardless of how the circumstances is. To me a slut is a girl who sleeps around without knowing the guys, or without having any commitment with them. I don't do this but still, I have no right to shame them because obviously they're harmless to me. I wonder why do many people put so much concern on others' sexual lives when it doesn't affect them. I have so much things to worry rather than this stupid issue. I am more worry about getting robbed lol.

Most Helpful Guy

  • You're free to have sex with as many people as you want. Download tinder. You can be celibate this year or you can have sex with 300 men this year. Your call.

    You're not free from consequences of your actions. If you're not mature enough to handle the fact that there are consequences to actions, maybe you shouldn't do it.

    • almost guarantee you everyone of your likes came from virgins

    • @pavlove that, or people mature enough to make choices and then not wail about the horror that some people don't... *gasp* approve of their choices.

    • maybe one or two, but still probably a majority virgin fan base to most of what you write on here.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I can TOTALY agree with you here! I was recently called a slut on here twice for asking a question regarding some rough sex I encountered with a guy I've actually been dating!!! It's like wtf can't I have sex? It's what people do, it's how we produce and show love. It's also a very healthy way of dealing with stress, rather then drinking, drug abuse or comfort eating. I don't understand why we should feel bad for enjoying sex.

    I was also called a slut after I broke up with my ex two years ago because I got in a no strings attached relationship with a guy, yet the girl who called me it ended up splitting with her boyfriend of 6 months and got right back into another relationship. So she's slept with 2 guys in the space of a year and a half and me just one, yet I'm the slut because I just don't have the title of a relationship or the commitment. Nice one.

  • I don't think anybody should shame anyone for any choice they choose to make about their life, whether you agree with it or not. However, I also don't think people should be giving each high fives and ass slaps because they slept with a ton of people. See, part of being an adult is being responsible and knowing the potential consequences of their actions. When you go around with the mentality of "good for me for enjoying my body and sexuality" then you're not thinking about the responsibility that comes with sex or the consequences that could potentially come from sleeping with a bunch of different people.

    People also don't get that there's two types of people, the ones who's number of sexual partners are high because they calculate all the people they slept with (this includes one night stands , long term relationships , short relationships and so on and so fourth). Which, when added all together might be high. Then there's the people that have a high number because they sleep with anybody that smiles at them, that's when it might become a problem for some people. So, there's also that to consider.

    I also know that men get shamed too, I don't imagine there's too many women standing in line to sleep with a guy who slept with 60 other women. Just saying, everybody has there limit.

    To conclude, don't go around shaming people for their choice (just keep that negative opinion to yourself). But, don't go around promoting promiscuity and acting like it's the 1960's and "free love" is coming back in style.

    • 1960? were people more promiscuous?

    • Well, the 60's was the hippie era and it was all "peace, love and rock n roll". What it really was though, was drugs, sex and rock n roll. That's why I said that, when people make statements of being free in your sexuality and experiences, it reminds me of the 60's because that's what the hippie era of the 60's was based on.

    • people say it is 2016 so promsicuity is okay! Stop slutshaming lol.

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  • You wanna know how many times I've been called a virgin as an insult in the last week? Guys are shamed when they don't have sex. And I'm not even a virgin, but a go-to insult for me is "oh yeah, well, a virgin wouldn't know anything." Virgin is basically "slut" or "whore" for guys.

    As for the reason why, it's because humans instinctually want women to make the most of the eggs they have. Our instincts are 20-some-odd thousand years old. We're the same humans that existed when human population was a serious issue. So people instinctually feel as though a woman shouldn't be wasting eggs on lackluster mates. If she's "easy" or not choosing her mates with care and caution, then she's committing an instinctual crime against humanity. And then some people--like me--just say "slut" or "whore" to hurt people who piss them off.

    But hey. I don't care. The more women who are sexually open, the higher my chances of getting laid.

  • "It's RIDICULOUS that when a man has sex, he's praised and asked how many kills now, was she good in bed, etc."

    I have literally NEVER seen this sort of praise being given out IRL.

    NEVER.

    Oddly though, it is given as common knowledge that is simply, irrefutably, undeniably true here on the Internet.

    I just don't know how to respond.

    • Really? I've seen numerous men get praised for having sex, especially about the number of woman they have fucked

    • I too have never seen it, maybe in highschool but never beyond that (and even then I think its overstated).

  • I agree that sex shaming needs to stop. If it is not affecting you personally then it is not your business

  • I don't really care whether someone slut shames me or not. What it comes down to is that if someone cares so much about my personal choices that they feel the need to attack me about it, then they probably need therapy, and deserve our pity.

  • its a double standard. similarly, when a teen girl falls pregnant she gets shunned for not keeping her legs closed and the dude only gets criticism if he walks out.

    both genders face different double standards related to sex, relationships, & reproduction.

    regardless, the right to decide is with u on this one. just be wary thats its not just about consent. its also about recognizing any intercourse may lead to pregnancy, miscarriage, STI, etc and takin adequate precaution or face the consequences. people are always gonna be around to judge & shame. and people are always gonna be judged & shamed. double standards suck, and this particular one makes little sense to me cuz it it takes two for sex to happen so expectations should be more similar but we come from a traditional past and it seems like more and more people are embracing casual sex as normal for male or female.

  • well one, the men being praised is over stated secondly a man seeking a relationship with a woman is forced to give considerablly more then the woman, he give his time energy his money his resources, he asks her out (taking all the risk) he plans the date pays for the date all of which is designed to please her, he does this again and again treating her special buying her flowers jewelry etc. Meanwhile she has had sex with men who gave absolutely nothing, so what does that say about him? You cannot like him all that much since your making him go through so much to get the same thing as some one who did nothing, you devalue him. For women the opposite happens, he pays for her what he could get for free showing that she has value over all other women. Then of coure you have the fact that promiscuity has negative consequences like depression, higher divorce rates (1 partner=1% chance of divorce, 2 partners = 16% chance of divorce) higher rates of cheating (those who score in the upper half of the sociosexually unrestricted scale have a 50% probability of cheating and 50% chance of divorce). They also report less satisfaction in relationships and marriage all of which are detrimental to long term relationships hence men steering clear of those kinds of women.(promiscuity seems to affect women to a greater extent then men) So their is a problem. Now if you wish to be promiscuis you have that righ but you also except the consequences of those actions. You cannot claim you have the right to be promiscuis without judgement then turn around and state a man cannot have the right not to be with you because of your life choices, its hypocrisy. Your choices, your consequences. If it bothers you change, if it doesn't don't but don't expect others to simply over look your actions as if they have no consequence, as if they have no impact, as if they are not an indicator of future actions. The fact is, enjoying sex doesn't make a woman a slut, having sex with many men (indiscriminatley like one night stands and such) make a woman a slut. Their is a big difference between the two, please do not conflate them. If you truly feel comfortable with it then you shouldn't really be making this statement, I think you realize you have lost out on something. If that is the case again, stop, if however I am wrong then continue doing what you are doing plenty of men like promiscuis women, most however do not see a relationship with her.

  • Having sex whenever with whomever you want is your prerogative - that doesn't mean people aren't going to judge the behavior or that you aren't putting yourself in danger of diseases and possible pregnancy.
    - girl or a guy - promiscuity is their thing but both should be looked at equally (and they are in my book)

    • Exactly but if you going to go and say your not a slut but slept with 99 people you are skanky they just call it like they see it (only if they know). Jesus people care too much what others say if its not damaging your life just say F you to the person and move on.

    • @NatashaJ Yup.

    • Actions have consequences.

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  • Sex shaming needs to be expanded.

    The real things that should be stopped in the society are STDs, high rate of divorce, single mothers, death of nuclear family, death of romance, death of empathy.

    Teach your pro STD nonsense to your children, not mine.

    • Wise words. People need to realize that promiscuity is worse than slutshaming

    • Nobody's saying go and have an orgy fest and catch STD, no. She's just saying sex isn't as bad as people make it to be. I also noticed you put death of empathy and death of romance. How does sex affect those? I mean, aren't sex and romance complimentary to one another?

  • I think it has to do with male insecurities... A girl can have sex with one person and think it is great sex, he is the biggest, etc until she has something to compare to. For guys, pretty much a vagina is a vagina it's a hole and feels about the same. So you see, guys have something to lose when we "explore" other options, where as we do not as every vagina is pretty much equal when it comes to male basic sexual satisfaction.

    • How many guys have you been with?

    • Actually all studies show that promiscuity is harmful. It increases the probability of divorce cheating depression, lowers relationship satisfaction (for the one who is promiscuis, its effects seem more pronounced in women though) etc. Men are wired to avoid long term relationships with women who are promiscuis, thats why they don't mind promiscius women until its time for a relationship and then thats when its the issue, if it was insecurity then they would universally be against promiscuis women but that is not the case, its only as it pertains to relationships.

    • I am a virgin and have high standards. Whoever will be my first man will be average for me even if he is a sex God. You know why? because I can't compare him with anyone.

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  • in order for a man to have sex he has to be a champ he has to learn game be confident approach tons of girls know how to attract get his shit together and so on so when you hear a dude got laid and especially if she is hot then that dude must be the man but for a girl all she has to do is say yes she doesn't have to put in all that effort as a man to get laid

  • The only thing that keeps any kind of shaming alive. Is when anyone cares what others say about them. If people just stopped caring what negative thing they are called. Then those people will give up because they become bored with it since what they are doing doesn't work anymore.

  • Cheers!!! Exactly. Someone else's private consensual sex life is NOBODYS business.

    • So you'd have no problem with a guy getting a hooker as long as it was safe and consensual?

    • @TwentySomething what do I care how a guy spends his money. Knock yourself out.

    • But would you date or marry a guy who slept with a prostitute?

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  • Getting sex you haven't earned should be shameful to both.

    What did you have to do to acquire that many inside you? Consent does not mean vocation, and is not everything there is to the equation. Did your Maker consent to the deed as well? No? Then not all parties consented.

    I will concede two things here:

    1. A man should not be praised for the act. It's sex, not defeating a dragon.
    2. I am against witch-hunting women over promiscuity. But those hurt by her doing whatever it takes to get sex have a right to confront her over it. Likewise, those hurt by a man doing whatever it takes to "get some" have the right to confront him over how he hurt them - however indirectly.

    And if they get hurt indirectly, then it is not a victimless act, simply because the two parties that were under the covers agreed to it.

    We need to rise above this childish mentality of excuses, that says: "Well, I wanted it, and that makes it okay! And they didn't stop me, so that should make it double-okay!!!"

    That mindset is part of why society is in the sad shape it's in.

    Let's use an analogy from kindergarten: Joe bakes cookies, and hands them to his daughter Suzie so she can give them to Frank at school. It's Frank's birthday, and Joe knows Frank. But Suzie doesn't know Frank yet. On the bus, however, Bobby asks Suzie for the cookies. Suzie agrees, and eats the cookies with Bobby.

    Suzie and Bobby consented to eating the cookies, but did that make it right?

    • Also, while Frank and Joe both have every right to be angry with Bobby and Suzie over what they've done, I do not advocate Jordan from 1st grade yelling "Ha ha! Cookie thief!" at recess to taunt Suzie over getting caught. Kyle refusing to select Suzie for his team on account of her being a cookie thief when that has nothing to do with dodgeball. Yet, Luke and George giving Bobby high-fives for eating the cookies with Suzie intended for Frank, is equally unjustified.

    • "Joe bakes cookies, and hands them to his daughter Suzie so she can give them to Frank at school. It's Frank's birthday, and Joe knows Frank." In your analogy, Joe owns Suzy's cookie jar and decided it will be for Frank only. However, it's Suzy's cookie jar. Joe reduces Suzy to a mere instrument for giving cookies to Frank. In your analogy, once the cookies are given to Suzy, she is deprived of the right to decide about her cookie jar. Suzy is just Joe's property or employee thus. Suzy's cookie jar can be played with by many, if Suzy likes it. And if she wants to share her cookies, it's completely right.

    • @jacquesvol: He does not reduce her to a "mere instrument," that's reading WAY too much into it. Especially if he had other things in store for Bobby and Suzie. Also, you assume the jar belongs to her. Suppose it was a Tupperware box, and was merely loaned to her? And even if that were true, did she bake the cookies? No? Then the contents are still on loan. My, you use such twisted logic to attack the idea of higher authority.

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  • Since it is only women that do it, you need to preach to your women friends.
    I have never seen a man do this that wasn't a teenager...

    • Go online, there's plenty of men, especially on this site who slut shame. And all the "revenge porn" sites. There's many pages on Facebook created and run by men, yes, men well into their 30s and 40s, slut shaming women. I work at a bar and the things men say as well. The biggest lie men tell is make women believe they don't slut shame, or only teen boys, because men are much more ruthless than women at it.

  • I think this sterotype that men are praised need to end soon too. I never seen this happen anywhere, other than these shallow teenage crude films, but they are movies and not reality. Most women I been with, no all women I been with have had a higher sex count and partners than me, never once seen or heard its supposed to be a good thing for a guy to have had many partners or sexual enounters, I dont think particularly highly of anyone personally though who sleep around with just about anyone, naturally people can do whatever they want an all, but wouldn't really be much relationship material to me if they were still doing this. I never praised a guy nor even seen a guy praised for sleeping with a lot of women, I've only seen guys get called players an manwhores pretty much.

  • Slut are good only for those who are looking for easy sex, and not for those who are looking for serious relationship, that's the way it is. If an girl was having sex with many guys that means that the girl is an slut, there is not way around it.

    tvtropes.org/.../MyGirlIsNotASlut

  • Omfg... Yeah, All for equality and shit but jesus fucking christ am i sick of hearing this same fucking point 20,000+ times every single day...

    We get it... You want to be rammed with weiners and not judged for it... ok... dont need to keep going over it again and again and again and again...

    If i here the ''if a man does it he's a legend, if a woman does it she's a slut'' line one more time im literally gonna explode...

  • Right on. Equality between the sexes should extend to sex, of course. Slut shaming is nothing more than a compensation for personal insecurities, be they on the part of guys or girls. Grow up about it and realize that people have sex and usually don't marry the first partner they have. Realistically, that's probably for the best, since you probably got infatuated with your first partner and eventually broke up and, though it probably hurt at the time, you got over it and found somebody else that was a better match for you eventually. So why have an attitude about it if that was the case with your next partner, too?

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