Only Virgin Girls Allowed

[kap_nss]

A week ago I ended up the relationship of more than three years we had with my girlfriend. It was hard to do that. I tried many things before deciding that and it took me a lot to come to terms with that. She is totally sad, and is hurt because the reason is I can't get over her past sexual life. I won't go into details here because I found out that writing about this subject helps me. But going into details is too hurtful now. I prefer talking more in general (I worte a question about this if you are courious). The point is frmo now on only virgins allowed.

I started having thoughts about her past more than a year and a half ago. A year ago I started looking for help in many ways. Nothing helped me to fully solve this. Some things were better than others. By then I started reading a lot about this problem sometimes called retroactive jealousy. And I've seen some really false statements there like the one I'd like to mention now: "You have to accept your girlfriend just like she is".

No, you don't.

Don't let the twist your mind or otherwise torture you with false commandments. I've read hundred of times people telling a guy that he have to accept the fact that his girlfriend has been with others. Where that comes from? I understand that sometimes the guy knew the girl wasn't a virgin when he met her. And then he can't complain about this because he was warned. But yet, he is in his right to choose the girl he wants. No one else is entitled to tell him which characteristics of this girl are those he can use to choos her or not.

I co-worker girl I know told me once "I'd never date a guy who hates smokes". And I found it totally rational because she smoked a lot. I heard a guy on the TV years ago saying he would never date a girl who didn't want to have sex in the first date. Weird as it could sound I guess we can say what is our criteria. It has to work for us, not for every one else. If I decided to only date virgins from now one. Who is going to stop me?

Yes, you can say I'll have a hard time finding a virgin girl. That's true but I have to try, right? Maybe it won't be a virgin really. I don't know for sure. It could be a girl with a conservative past which is willing to never tell me anything about it. Maybe it will be easier for me to accept her past now that I also have a past. But this is not only about me but about all those guys out there who a repeatedly told they have to accept their girlfriends even when the can't get over their past. You can try. But also you can drop it and get out from there. And go for something different.

[Stacyzee]

I find it odd you place so much value into who someone has slept with, when from this article I can infer that you are not a virgin.
It'd be funny if virgin girls found themselves unable to get over your sexual past.
I find your method of approach of someone who is highly insecure and hypocritical in tactics.
Your logic would only work if you were a virgin yourself , then I'd say your preference is understandable.
How would you like someone judging you based on the people you slept with before you ever even knew of their existence?

[kap_nss]

Not, it won't work ONLY if I am a virgin. I don't have any issues about some girl dating me or not, based on my sexual past.

[Stacyzee]

What I mean by work, is the understanding of that I get where you're coming from with this view. But since you have a fair amount of sexual experience, and you're solely seeking virgins, this only leads me to believe that you are extremely insecure. Good luck finding virgins because the only ones i see are piled up on GAG. In every day life, even teen girls aren't virgins. I remember feeling like the last girl in highschool to lose my virginity.

[Stacyzee]

I'm even shocked to hear someone 20-21 say they are a virgin. This is what the norm as become. I really think you need to dig deeper and face your insecurities, what are you so afraid of?

[DeValdini]

ass peging?

[mishsheaven]

@stacyzee don't worry about him. Virgin girls have no problem with dating non virgin guys

[Stacyzee]

@mishsheaven Well, everyone is different. People have preferences. Some virgin people actually prefer to date other virgins. My only concern is that there is a lack of logic in his preference and he comes off as extremely insecure. He can't bare to have a woman with at least one male experience , why? Is it because he sucks that much in bed or his penis isn't that great? Something is definitely off here.

[Stacyzee]

Due to his destined woman's lack of experience perhaps she won't even notice he sucks because there is no one to compare it to. He wants to play it safe due to his insecurities.

[Stacyzee]

*desired woman's

[mishsheaven]

do you realize that you insult him for his preferences? what if another person insults sluts for their choices of sleeping around? Why the one is right the other is wrong. Isn't it his business who to prefer?

[mishsheaven]

that is an outdated opinion that guys prefer virgins for avoiding comparison.

[Stacyzee]

@mishsheaven When someone puts their business out on the world wide Web where millions of people have access to read it, it is no longer their personal business , it's everyone's. If someone does not want their personal views looked at or commented on , they'd keep it to themselves. So , by you telling me how I should act or think is irrelevant in this case. He clearly wants peoples input and that is what I am providing. To tell someone not to "judge" is pretty much like telling me not to live. Literally everything a person does is a judgment. Crossing the street is one. Choosing whether to walk down that dark alley where there is a whole group of men standing. Deciding what you should eat etc. I am human so I will judge. Those that act as if they do not are in - denial. Judgment pertains to all aspects of life. It is unrealistic not to judge.

[Stacyzee]

I want to understand his logic. What I think is not insulting it could be his reality. If it is, I want to help him on how he can gain confidence in himself.

[Stacyzee]

I also find it a bit humorous that you tell me not to judge yet his entire mytake and title is a judgment of those who are not virgins. "No virgins allowed " sounds like judgment to me. He even broke up with his girlfriend of three years because he judged her.

[mishsheaven]

sluts have slept around so their business is not only theirs but also those who know about their lifestyle. And guys who fucked them have the right to tell it anyone they want. If judging is okay then why judging sluts is okay too.

[mishsheaven]

are you saying guys who prefer virgins are insecure and guys who prefer sluts are confident?

[Stacyzee]

Let's stick solely to this topic and not branch off. Other assumptions about men who prefer sluts are meant for a whole different topic and take. There's nothing wrong with a preference generally speaking. Through aspects of everyday life people have what they really like and that is okay. A problem only begins to formulate when a person closes off anything that is different than their preference. For example , let's say I am a Indian woman. I do not want to date my own. I solely want to seek out white men. It is normal for one to ask , well what is wrong with dating your own? It's okay to like others , but is there is a hidden agenda or hate towards your own? Usually those who have preferences , are not closed off to things that are different. Some would gladly consider keeping an open mind for other types of people especially when they have a lot in common with them. Someone closing off their own completely shows indication that they harbor negative views towards type

[Stacyzee]

People who hide behind the words "I have a preference" and that are refusing to date any other than what they state they like , usually hold a lot of discrimination , hate , and /or insecurity in their hearts. In some cases , this person is not okay with themselves which is why they close others off.

[mishsheaven]

I dont want to date guys who had one night stands. DOES THIS MEAN there is a hidden hate? So open minded have no standard? Lol

[Stacyzee]

Okay, no matter how simply I break logic down you will still fail to not understand. It's hopeless speaking with someone who refuses to see any point of view but their own. Clearly , everyone here agrees with my view since almost everyone stated the same thing I did.

[Stacyzee]

You are blinded by your own ignorance. I will not waste anymore time on you.

[mishsheaven]

What does agreeing have to do here? Peopel who have the same lifestyle agree with one another.

[mishsheaven]

You realized your sentences madeno sense.

[Stacyzee]

Everything you have said lacks substance. It's just an ignorant view which remains blinded to the fact that not all preferences are harmless. Some people have preferences due to hatred for themselves and others. If everyone is saying the same thing , I'd stand back and think , wait a minute could this be true? It's clear this man has insecurity issues because he refuses to date a woman that is like himself sexually.

[Stacyzee]

That is all.

[mishsheaven]

I am a virgin but I dont want to marry a virgin guy. Like the take owner I prefer my opposite. What about this?

[Stacyzee]

You failed to want to hear anything I have to say. I doubt you are asking that question for curiosity or to gain insight. I will not answer your question because of that.

[Stacyzee]

You're doing this for the sole purpose of making a mockery of the situation. You want to prove a point less point.

[dudeman]

i have meet plenty of virgin women in their late teen and early twenties.

[dudeman]

i think this has nothing to do with insecurity. men are territorial and are allowed to be so. we shouldn't have to change our nature to accommodate a womens choices.

[dudeman]

i myself won't seriously date or marry a women with a colorful past not because of insecurities but simply because i dont want to. i dont pay full price for a used car.

[Stacyzee]

@dudeman who says her past has to be colorful? He doesn't even want a girl with even as little as one partner.

[dudeman]

and thats his choice. this has nothing to do with insecurity though. thats just a weak argument women use to shift personal responsibility.

[Stacyzee]

@dudeman Every person read this knowing that it's his choice. However, people will formulate an opinion based on the info he chose to share. Can u really fault anyone for thinking that? "thats just a weak argument women use to shift personal responsibility. " How is that a weak argument when he clearly states so himself.

[dudeman]

he states that he doesn't like that she has a past i didn't see him say he was insecure. i dont like women who have much of a past because as i said i dont pay full price for used goods. used electronics i put a cap at 60% of retail value. retail now not when it came out. this puts most women in the friends with benefits catagory.

[Stacyzee]

Okay, so someone has to shout out that they are insecure and have low self esteem for it to be believable? That's definitely new to me. I always thought the way one behaves and operates to others is a reflection of how they feel about themselves on the inside. This guy clearly says "Only Virgin Girls Allowed" This means that, even a woman with as little as one partner he does not want. You keep talking about someone who tons of experience, he didn't mention that. He's clearly stating he ONLY wants a virgin and no one else.

[dudeman]

low self esteem i would think the opposite really. like if you think you can do better then that speaks volumes. well even three partners is far more than enough statistically for her to be a decent bet for marriage. also yes somebody does need to say they are insecure for them you to believe that otherwise you are just making up stuff in your mind so you feel better about the situation. again this is something women just say to themselves to shift responsibility.

[Stacyzee]

Someone needs to say they are insecure for it to be believable? So, that logic can apply to anything then. If I rob a store, as long as I don't say I robbed, I'm not a robber. If I only allow White people in my store, and not those of color, as long as I don't say I'm racist, then I won't be a racist. Okay, I get the logic! Someone is only something if they ADMIT to being so. So, if their in-denial of who they are, it wouldn't really matter because it's something they choose to not acknowledge.

[dudeman]

im saying that this isn't about insecurity because I've been in his position. this is about being a territorial male and not wanting to change how your brain works simply for a womens decisions. this sounds exactly the way he feels. now if he said things like i feel i will never measure up to her past lovers or anything of that nature then i would agree with you however he said nothing of the sort.

[Stacyzee]

Ever thought that his reasoning may be different than yours? Are you saying you will only date virgins and will leave no room for a girl with even one experience?

[dudeman]

no i won't only date virgins but less then three is a requirement. his reasoning may be different but it doesn't sound that way and honestly most men seem to have the same reasoning as myself in this aspect. some men simply dont care and thats fine, some men like myself are disgusted by the idea of such a women being the mother of their children.

[Stacyzee]

Well, okay you have a preference which is fine. But he's excluding anyone with experience. I don't think most men think that way unless they are a virgin themselves.

[dudeman]

well again thats just his preference. i would think that most men would prefer a virgin but just have settled with the fact that its not likely to happen.

[Stacyzee]

I don't think most men would prefer a virgin. Although the thought of being the first is appealing, some men actually find the sex enjoyable with someone who has experience and knows what they are doing. The word "preference" is used a lot. But is often a coverup to mask the hate or dislike someone feels towards the group they are avoiding. Not all preferences are harmless.

[dudeman]

you know i guarantee if men had their choice most would rather marry a virgin. the men who prefer experienced women are just looking for sex for the most part.

[COMMODOREII]

I agree with what you are saying; here (How would you like someone judging you based on the people you slept with before you ever even knew of their existence?). It really doesn't matter whether you are a virgin or not one, it depends on what type of person you are. I mean you can find a good person in someone who has had sex before, once or infinite number of times, but could be the right person for you. And a virgin could be the one person that is always causing hardship in the relationship, casue of their insecurities. Then again it could be reversed or neither or both. lol It just depends on that person you meet from day to day. You do not who are going to meet, that could end up being the "Right One".

[COMMODOREII]

@dudeman I disagree with you about the, ( i guarantee if men had their choice most would rather marry a virgin. the men who prefer experienced women are just looking for sex for the most part.) I am a man, and I do agree with the fact that every man and woman has a choice to decide who they want to be with for the rest of their lives, but all men are not territorial as you claim. I am one of many men who want to partner in life, not a piece of property, and the last thing I want to be with is a child. So when I go look for a woman, I expect her to know a few things, wether it be sexual or not, I expect her to be responsible, mature, tactful, and uncontrolling. She can be waiting for the right person in sexual matters, before or after marriage, but also have as little or as much experience as she worked for. She is still a woman, not a slave, or a piece of property.

[dudeman]

@COMMODOREII you're also past marrying age dude. as am i

[Stacyzee]

@dudeman past marrying age? There are people in their 40s and 50s that get married. Where do you come up with these wild things that make no sense. I mean really? R u functioning on no sleep at all?

[dudeman]

yeah but thats rare. marrying age is 4 years after the last year of your formal education. its just statistics after 7 its not likely a person ever marries. unless he has a phd and a post doc or two he's past marrying age.

[Noxifer626]

Woah. Woah. Woah.
So you just dumped her for not being a virgin after THREE YEARS?
Dude. That's just plain stupid.

[TwentySomething]

No, he found out that she was a whore.

[Noxifer626]

@TwentySomething Unless she charged those men, she wasn't a whore.

[Echelon333]

Lmfao.. My current girlfriend has been with 2 guys sexually in her past, was it hard at the beginning? Yes, I even had some hard time sleeping moments over it, but that was only like the first 5-6 months, now I don't even fucking care, cause you know.. she's with me NOW and we love eachother and I'd never leave her over some childish stupid sh*t like this one lol Dw I know how it feels, she even had a rough time when she was 14-16 (regarding sex) I hate smoking too, and she smokes lol But I wouldn't leave her over that! I feel bad for your ex, she didn't do anything wrong to you personally, she just lived her life and doing normal things that everyone does (yes, your girlfriend is allowed to live her life before she meets you lmao), and you just left her, and for what.. ? For your own (stupid) insecurities.. Grow up "man". And you're such a hypocrite lel, "From now on I will only look for virgins" And you're not a virgin yourself, and you also have a sexual past. Just a tip.. If you find one of those conservative non-virgins who won't tell you anything about their sex lifes before you, you will end up asking them that same question lol Yeah sure, at the beginning you won't but on the long run, you eventually will.. But hey, you can leave her/them too after 6-7-8 years again when you find out about their past lel Again, your poor ex loved you a lot (still does) and you've spent 3 years together, and you left her... But it's your life right? You can do anything you want blah blah Good luck with your virgin hunt bruh, hope you catch some of them virgins, then lock them in your castle and be happy forever.

[Kiwedin]

Do whatever you want to do with your life, but I just have a really hard time understanding why anyone even cares about virginity. As long as they're free of STD's, why should anyone give a fuck? Why do you care so much?

[The_Terminator]

As a guy, I care about it for many reasons... here are some: I don't want to touch and kiss you where another man has already touched and kissed you.. I dont wan't to put my d*ck in a hole another man has put his into.. it's gross to say the least.. even if I didn't know any of my girls ex partners, to think that this girl, my lover, who is supposed to be mine, was used before me by many others is very disheartening. Not to mention the psychological and emotional damage caused by multiple romantic&sexual relationships.. the more heartbreaks a girl suffers, the more baggage, the lesser her capacity to love, etc. etc. This doesn't mean I'd never date a non-virgin.. I would, but only in one scenario. If she truly regrets her past and vows to never repeat her mistakes.. she'd be as good as a virgin in my eyes, and I would pursue her if everything else between us was great.

[Kiwedin]

@The_Terminator Yeah, I still don't get it lol. You think it's gross that she's been with other men, yet there's this thing called a shower and it does a really great job at cleaning one's body and removing germs that may or may not been left behind by someone she had sex with lmao. I feel like your issue less to do with germs and more to do with the fact that you may be insecure and the idea of this girl being pleasured by another man makes you feel inadequate or that she's maybe comparing you to them, which is just silly. Again, really not understand your reasoning here. If you had complete confidence in yourself and your sexual ability then maybe you wouldn't be so obsessed with her past partners... To say that a woman who's had more partners has more "baggage" is a complete generalization. Even if she had been hurt previously, why is that such an issue for you? If you truly care about someone, you want to help them and you want them to be happy, not completely write them off.

[kap_nss]

If you don't understand after reading this text and the question I referred there, there is nothing else I can do :)

[GiftShop]

You're not a virgin, but you only want a virgin? You'd date a non virgin, but only if she is not happy with life decisions she's made? Why shouldn't she be? You're a hypocrite. And no girl is yours. You don't own anyone. You sound insecure and ridiculous.

[GiftShop]

@The_Terminator Whole message was for

[Echelon333]

@The_Terminator Dude wut? ".. the more heartbreaks a girl suffers, the more baggage, the lesser her capacity to love" Are you talking about spending money? Cause when you spend some you have less of it after that, but that's for materialistic things lol Love is not the same believe me.. Where did you get this info, I really wanna know and see it for myself lmfao So everytime a girl loves someone, the next one is really screwed huh.. That's not how love works lol Even if she loved 5 guys before you, she can still love you the most of them all, and be the happiest she's ever been with you, I know it's shocking, but it's true.. And the part about the touching lel So if she has male friends (which I'm sure she has) and they hug everytime they see eachother, you can't touch her because another man already did? "Oh it's not the same dumbsh*t, that's about sex blah blah" But it is the same lel Both are equally normal and natural ( I know right *shocking* that sex is all naturale) #Plizgrowup

[The_Terminator]

@GiftShop I am a virgin.

[GiftShop]

@The_Terminator Well, you still make absolutely no sense. The whole "a guy touched her", "damaged", "regret life choice" is bullshit. You sound so insecure.

[The_Terminator]

@GiftShop you're the one who sounds really insecure.. you're trying so hard to justify your actions and your beliefs.

[GiftShop]

@The_Terminator You don't know any actions I've taken in life or beliefs so... I'm simply saying what you said makes no sense. A girl isn't your property. If a girl regrets her past "she'll be a good virgin". ? No, if someone has had sex they aren't a virgin.

[The_Terminator]

@GiftShop I would engage with you in more detail, but I'm facing a lot of technical difficulties with this website at the moment :/ .. I might hit you up later if you're keen to discuss. FYI you don't really understand what I mean or where I'm coming from with a lot of what I've said. Good luck in any case.

[COMMODOREII]

@The_Terminator OK as a guy myself. I can see not wanting to marry a woman who already has kids, and doesn't want any or is past her prime in having kids. I want my own kids, and sure as hell do not want to be raising some other guys kids because he was a douche. AS for psychological and emotional damages? COME ON... Men experience these too, and you expect me to believe that you do not have any baggage of your own? Why would any woman, virgin or not, want you if you are carrying your own baggage? Well HUH? Your relationship should be formed by your heart, and spirirt, not by how "cennect" sexually or how your bodies are "made" for each other. How many couples have stayed together because they could not even have children due to sterilization? or genetic disorders? Yeah dude, you gotta reall reevaluate your position on this, because this is what we would call, "backing yourself into a corner".

[Kiwedin]

@COMMODOREII Could not agree more!

[StewieRH]

I am a virgin and Christian so don't believe in sex before marriage (although I do sometimes wonder if I should twist the rules a bit and just wait until I've found someone I really trust, love and have known for a while) but I don't think my boyfriend is a virgin as he had a girlfriend before me, says he used to be a player (though won't really talk about it as he regrets it and just wants to forget about it) and once asked me if I ever wonder what it feels like. Another thing he once asked is why some bra's have patterns on them which makes me think he's obviously seen a few bra's and then when I ask myself "How?" the answer that comes to mind is "Probably while having sex unless he's seen his Mum's or sisters hung up on the line".

Ngl, I do feel jealous when I think that he's had sex with other girls even though it's before he met me, plus he is younger than me (17). I can't say I know for sure he's had sex as I haven't actually asked him but I don't think I want to know as if he has, I know it will make me jealous and I hate that feeling and besides, I think it's pretty obvious he probably has.

I just try and remind myself that those girls probs meant nothing to him as he doesn't seem to like talking about it and never mentions them. The only other girl he really mentions is his ex but that's another story and he's seemed to have stopped that now. I just remind myself that those other girls probs meant absolutely nothing to him and that he is with me now and that he loves me and doesn't want to lose me and seems fine with the fact I say I don't believe in sex before marriage as he knew this before we were going out so I know he see's me as more than just a sex object.

[Astro1222]

Whoo! Another Christian, Bending the rules can be dangerous and I know that is tempting, But any road can be a slippery one, I had a friend who tried it.. yeah 15 and pregnant. So yeah be very very careful.

[StewieRH]

@Astro1222 I am 19 so wouldn't be so bad but I would have to wait for my boyfriend to turn 18 if I do with him as he is only 17 atm

[DeValdini]

I'm virgin vegan atheist gay

[StewieRH]

@DeValdini Lol

[kap_nss]

Well, I've been through the same jealousy thing and I couldn't bare it anymore. I don't have religious believes and I don't think virginity is sacred. I don't think that sex before marriage is wrong, quite the opposite. But since my jealousy problem I figured out that a virgin could be better for me. I'm glad you can manage this. Be sure your boyfriend stops talking about the past. That screw*d up my relationship.

[StewieRH]

Dw, he hates talking about it. He used to bring up his ex from time to time and I had to tell him twice that I don't like that before he stopped. Funny thing is I ended up bumping into my ex the last time I saw my boyfriend so spoke a bit to him about it and then he went "Can u stop talking about him now please? U tell me of for it" so maybe he was a bit jealous for once, I dunno

[Sabretooth]

Trust me, you don't wanna compromise your faith... seen where that leads... even done it myself

[StewieRH]

@Sabretooth I can understand what you're saying it's just I'm kind of thinking "But what if I never get married though?" Plus I feel jealous knowing he must've slept with other girls even though it was before we were together, sometimes I think if I had a bit of experience myself it would help me to feel a bit better about it. Another thing is my Mum had me and my brother before she got married and she is the most Christian person I know so sometimes I think "Well if she did it.."

[Sabretooth]

trust when i tell you not to worry about this, the more you do, the more likely you are to succumb. i was in a similar situation, i knew what was at stake, but i allowed my anxiety to blind me, the result? i accomplished everything i was trying to avoid... that was 6 years ago... i'm in constant pain... everyday, i'm wishing to go back, or to wake up and it all had been a nightmare.

[StewieRH]

@Sabretooth I'm sorry you had to go through that and will take what you are saying on board, thank you

[Sabretooth]

Thanks. No problem, good luck

[COMMODOREII]

Oh please any guy can go into a Victoria Secret store, or any Wal_Mart for that matter and can see a bra. What ignorance you have towards our modern day society.

[COMMODOREII]

Oh yeah and by the way every person who has had sexual relations before in theri life have had some form of feelings about their experiences, whether good or bad. That is why I understand that in Judeo-Christian philosophy they suggest you wait till marriage to experience it, in hopes that you and your spouse are the only ones experimenting in it. But I do not agree with it, everyone has a right giving to us as free-will by Our Lord to make our choices, and decisions in life, and no one has a right to judge that person on their choices, unless they be judged for their judgement. (Yeah, you read it, but you dont pay attention to it. Hint, Hint) It is far batter you treat your partner with good intentions, without judgement, no matter what they have done or not done, and remember that sex is not evil. It is how use it or abuse it that it becomes a tool for evil.

[BambooforPanda]

Even though I'm not a fan of your choice to exclude non-virgin girls, I can respect the rationale you have about it, in particular that you have isolated it as being your issue or your preference rather than there being something inherently wrong with non-virgin girls (or even men, which is the argument I'm used to seeing on this site). You're totally right. If you can't come to terms with someones sexual history then the only answer is to end the relationship and find partners who suit you better.

You are likely always going to have opposition to your views on this because for so long female viginity was considered like a kind of property which could only be taken by her husband, while young men were free to be promscuous. As well unmarried women without virginity were regarded as useless, and worse... None of which is true or justifiable.

It's actually very mature to understand what your own psyche that well.

[nalaa]

You have to accept your girlfriend just like she is".
No, you don't.

What people mean is that you shouldn't choose to be with someone that has flaws that you can't live with. However if you do choose to be with them, you should not expect them to change. Obviously

If I decided to only date virgins from now one. Who is going to stop me? -- well possibly the lack of virgins that are interested in you

but I have to try, right? -- no you don't. You can choose to try but don't make it sound like some kind obligation

[COMMODOREII]

That is first piece of logic I have seen so far.

[DeadShot619]

Ya accepting her past isn't the only option. If u can't accept her past then u can leave. There's always more than 1 option

[lumos]

I'm so glad I'm not a virgin anymore so that I'll be able to tell when people are genuinely into me and not into me just because I haven't had sex yet.

[desidoll]

I wish I could give you more than one upvote lol

[sweettckae]

@desidoll I did it for you 😌

[kap_nss]

Is choosing a girl to date the same as judging her? I guess that's kind of a philosophical question. Did I write in my take any qualification about virgin and non-virgin girls? Did I say non-virgins are less valuable than virgins? No, I didn't. I just said what the girl I want to date is like. I even said "Maybe it won't be a virgin really" but from the quality of some comments I guess some of you didn't even read the hole text before freaking out.

[lumos]

I did read your entire take. And I'm still relieved that I don't have to worry about anyone who thinks this hard about virginity.

[TwentySomething]

No sane average guy has ever said, "I wish my wife had slept with more guys". Guys don't care about the number of guys a friends with benefits or a one night stand has had. Guys do consider how many guys a girl has been with if they're considering a long term relationship. It's not insecurity, it's just the way we think. Deal with it. A lot of girls of this generation are going to end up surrounded by cats or being married to a loser they cheat on. Decent guys with options don't want to marry hos. The chickens will come home to roost and you're not going to enjoy it.

[kap_nss]

That doesn't add any value to this discussion. You keep failing to argument and limit yourself to discrediting me. Be rational, not emotional.

[BuchitaBuchys]

This needs more likes.

[kap_nss]

@BuchitaBuchys I'll write a take about how many girls reacted to this take :D

[dimples123]

How does not being a virgin give you insight to knowing people's true intentions?

[kap_nss]

@dimples123 I guess it doesn't.

[WhatAreYouReading]

Yes!! I'm married and I've only ever had sex with my Husband but if died and I was single again I'd totally let the next guy assume my number was big and once I know he doesn't really care I'd tell him the truth. If he'd bail over that I wouldn't even waste my time! Infact my Husband thought I had sooo much more experience then I did and I didn't open up and talk about everything until we were together for a few months, once I knew he was there and was the real deal I told him anything and everything. We have been together for 13 years now (married for 9). We are wildly open with each other about everything and don't do the jealousy thing. If something bothers you usually it has more to do with you then with them and it's up to you to figure out why you feel that way and what you can do to fix it. Different strokes for different folks but I agree with you on the sex thing.

[lumos]

@TwentySomething thankfully things are not quite like this in Finland. :)

[lumos]

myTake owner, I'm being completely rational. Not trying to discredit you. Simply saying I'm glad I don't have to deal with people who think so much about virginity. That is all.

[lumos]

@dimples123 because at least then I know that they're not into me just because I'm a virgin? It's a pretty simple concept.

[desidoll]

@sweettckae aww thanks and now it's 18 duh!

[BuchitaBuchys]

It's a reaction for a reason. I posted my response to you already. But here's the TLDR: Had a woman who was poor, unemployed and didn't have a car written a myTake about how she only wanted to date men with cars and a job, trust me, the men would have reacted as well. Probably calling her every name in the book. Or if she were overweight and wrote a take on how she only wants tall, fit guys, especially if she has no desire to lose weight and become fit herself. Trust me, the people especially men wouldn't be so kind to her. Like I said, it's not so much as the standards themselves, but the fact that you don't hold yourself to the same standards which bothers people.

[lumos]

@BuchitaBuchys I agree!

[SakuraCherryBlossoms]

You said it perfectly. And @WhatAreYouReading I think you have a great idea!!

[mikemx55]

@WhatAreYouReading i gotta tell you: from my point of view while reading this, that is the stupidest thing I've ever read

[mishsheaven]

@WhatAreYouReading I agree. And girls who judge guys who want virgins are sluts

[WhatAreYouReading]

@mikemx55 Haha and that's fine. I think letting people think whatever they want tells you a whole lot about them and can save you a lot of time and energy. I could never that someone who found things like numbers important. Agree to Disagree.

[mikemx55]

@WhatAreYouReading indeed... I rule my life with numbers... how boring huh? :D

[WhatAreYouReading]

@mikemx55 Nope it's whatever works for you :D

[COMMODOREII]

@WhatAreYouReading congrats on your relationship.

[WhatAreYouReading]

@COMMODOREII haha, thanks!

[Minxxie]

This is why I'd be scared to be in the dating world as a virgin, you never know if the guy actually likes you of if he just has some gross little fetish for virgins. I bet you gave up a great girl just because of your fetish. Your loss buddy!

[kap_nss]

Guys never know if the girl they date are telling the truth about their sexual past, including virginity. For the rest just another offensive comment lacking arguments.

[Echelon333]

Lmao If you're not sure everytime if your girlfriend is telling the truth then you shouldn't even be in a relationship with her, you're the problem, not her dude.. and I bet if some girl still tells you the truth you will still doubt that and question her honesty.. Because you know #insecurities

[Minxxie]

@Echelon333 Exactly and there is no medical or scientific way to tell 100% if someone has ever had sex or not anyway. Virginity is an outdated myth and the parameters of what counts as sex and what doesn't are super undefined. Are lesbians and gay men "virgins"forever because they can't have vaginal penetrative sex? If a girl has sucked 100 dicks is she still a virgin? If she's received oral a bunch of times? It's childish and I don't get why people obsess over such an arbitrary little made up thing. There is absolutely no way to know for sure AND once this "virginity" fetishist has sex with a girl he's dating she won't fit his weird little fantasy anymore and he will leave her too!

[mishsheaven]

so you are insecure because the guy you date will like your virginity?

[mishsheaven]

Gay people have nothing to do with virginity/ We are talking about straight girls' virginity. And sucking dick makes her not a virgin

[Minxxie]

@mishsheaven Virginity is a fairy tale used to determine if a girl is worth being sold from one man to another for a higher price. Look up the history behind why it was made up. The word "Virgin" came from a greek word meaning "free" or basically single woman, but then people stole the word and changed it to mean a piece of merchandise that has never been "owned" before. The word stems from a culture of viewing women and girls as nothing but objects for trade. Do your research before you go blindly following shitty ideals.

[COMMODOREII]

This is true, many guys don't know the truth about a woman's intentions. It can be scary for a guy, cause if a woman says she isn't a virgin, and then the guy finds out from obvious "penetrations" that she was, that makes the guy wonder if he damaged her physically, or emototionally. A persons "first-time" can be met with unforseen circumstances. Their expectations can be decimated especially if their partner assumes a certain amount of attributes from them.

[COMMODOREII]

Actually it is our "protestant-bible thumping-supposed-christian" American society, that is so obssessed about sexuality, and virginity, and nudism, and blah blah blah blah. I want to move to Canada, or Europe where they are more mature of these things.

[Minxxie]

@COMMODOREII I live in Canada and unfortunately we have our own little bible-belt and even more unfortunately I live in it! I can't stand it anymore and being harassed by overly religious fanatics on the street and I have realised this is not the university for me or for that matter the city for me! So I am moving to British Columbia next year which will be much more moderate than a small hick city in the middle of the prairies of Alberta! It's dreadful!

[GingerBear]

My biggest problem with this is that it took you three years to decide you cared that much about her past. That's a dick move.
I don't give a flying fuck about whether you only want to date virgins. It's incredibly hypocritical, but hey, that's between you and those girls.

[kap_nss]

It's interesting how many girls freaked out about this article. I guess that's a sign of immaturity when you can't disagree without insulting. And you can't explain why you disagree. Not a single freaked out girl here did answer to this question so far: "Have you dated every single guy who asked you out or was interested in you?" Not answering that is hypocritical.

[dipta]

What's ridiculous in this story is that you dated this girls for THREE long years, before deciding to pull the plug for something she was from the start. That's called taking advantage of people, and that was you taking advantage of her.

Why would someone who dated someone else for three years be only interested in virgin girls feom now one? Not saying you won't find one, but it sounds twisted.

[kap_nss]

I guess you didn't read my original question where I gave details about that.

[BuchitaBuchys]

You have every right to have your standards. But we have every right to tell you how unreasonable they are.
Let me give you hints why people, especially women, are bothered by this:
A. People, especially on this site, see it as "hypocritical standards" - you demanding certain characteristics of your partner that you do not have. In this case, and far too many, you demanding a virgin woman, when you in fact are not.
If a woman was promiscuous, but demanded a virgin to settle down with, most men would freak out. Hell, even if he had a few partners, him in the single digits but her well into the double digits, they'd consider that unreasonable standards for her.
But that's rare. Let me give an example more applicable to men. Women aren't as bothered by sexual psst as men are. Let's say she was poor. She was unemployed and had no car. But she demanded her boyfriend to have a job and a car. People, especially the men on here, would freak out, calling her every name in the book.
B. Me, personally, I think you're gonna end up alone and bitter for a while because you're gonna have a hard time finding a virgin in your age group. The ones you DO manage to find, would most likely prefer fellow virgin men because virgins prefer virgins. You are severely limiting yourself. And let's face it, men have enough of a challenge getting dates as is.

As long as you're upfront about it and don't insult the women who don't meet your standards, then I say good luck to you, you're gonna need it lol

[BuchitaBuchys]

But, what's more bothersome is that you waited 3yrs to dump her over this? Wow. Smh. At least you did it now, she deserves so much better. Are you sure you're 30? Aren't you a bit too old to be this insecure? I can get how you don't want her to have her body count in the hundreds, but to demand virgins? That's a bit unreasonable. I'm so glad I'm not a virgin anymore so men who actually are interested in me, not just my "purity", can be the only ones after me. Those who like me for me.

[Vesuvius87]

Well explained. You saved me a lot from explaining all that. Another thing to consider, many of those young virgin girls in their early 20's (esp if they are traditional) have friends and family members that greatly want the best for her. I doubt they are going to be all welcoming to a 30+ year-old, experienced man that's seeking for only virgins.

[Vesuvius87]

I agree, he's going to have a hard time.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Vesuvius87 lol yes, especially that. I didn't even think about that part. I'm glad though, I hope this crashes and burns before it's too late.

[kap_nss]

When you say "But we have every right to tell you how unreasonable they are" that includes insulting me? Because I've been insulted a lot for this take. Anyway, I understand your point of course. But you know what. If anyone out there is allowed to ask for certain standards if and only if they meet those standards also, then everyone here is hypocritical. Not single person here dates people who are exactly like them in every possible aspect. That's ridiculous. Chose any of this girls or guys who insulted me here. See who they date or who their partners are. You will find out that their partners are better in some standards that they are. It's natural. All this haters turn down people for some reason. Looks, weight, height, social status, intelligence, hair color, skin color, race, political ideas, religious believes, whatever. And they are not perfect pieces, right? If I date a girl I would never lie about my non-virgin status. It will be up to her to date me anyway.

[Echelon333]

We're not here to insult you and have our fun with it lol We're trying to open your goddamn eyes and help you see that what you're doing is so wrong and bad for yourself first, and then for the future new virgin girlfriend... I really felt bad for your ex as I've said before and for your relationship too, you could've ended up getting married, being happy af with her, having kids, you never know.. and she loves you, and you're throwing that away just because of a jealousy and insecurity. And believe me, if you've been 3y together she really does love you a lot, and her world just turned upside down, because of your no virgin - no girlfriend policy You could just stop and forget about her past sexual life, but that's too hard for you right? Because any other person has it easy/easier lol She chose you to be her man, and you let her you.. by the way could you message me some of her past sex life actions, really curious what's so "bad" about it..

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Echelon333 I'm not even trying to insult him. It's a legit question lol I want to know why a 30yr old man is still THIS insecure. He's not going to listen. *le sigh* He'll just have to learn the hard way :/

[Echelon333]

Which is why I'm trying to help him, so he shouldn't learn the hard way and again break another girl/woman heart. And then replace her again and again, because "he didn't know he'd feel that way in 1,5 years, he can't see the future... "

[COMMODOREII]

BuchitaBuchys, you do not have every right to tell him how unreasonable his standards are. That is his life and how he wishes to live by them. Should we judge you on how you live, and what every choice you make every day of your life? That is what many people of this country do not seem to understand that they have a right to tell people what to do, or to judge them by how they are living. You may have a right to live how you live, but we have a right to live how we live, and you can not change that.

[COMMODOREII]

@Echelon333 Sometimes you can't open others eyes, when they do not want to see it. You sometimes just have to let them make their mistakes, and let them live their life. It is the only way they will ever learn from the past. Maybe he will change, maybe he won't but at least you can say that You did not follow in the same path, and hope to be a good person on your path of life.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@COMMODOREII ok. Cool.

[Vesuvius87]

Good luck finding a family who will accept a 30+ year-old guy making the ''only virgin girls but I'm not'' rule dating their virgin daughter who is most likely either just got out of HS or in her early 20's.

If you find a virgin woman your age, more than likely she is going to be religious. You're going to have a super hard time.

If you think even having one boyfriend is still too much for a girl (esp one that's close to your age), then you got serious issues.

[COMMODOREII]

Hey not all women lose their virginity at an early age, nor do many men. You think that everyone lives by your standards? We are all different. When I was growing up, I had a friend, a woman who was 36, and she was a virgin, and i was 19. It was great when she finally found someone she could feel comfortable with and get married, it was the best day of their lives. I never judged her, or him for that matter. They were happy, and they finally found each other, and i thinkthats great. So dont put down someone, who decides to be a virgin, and call them "religious", how the hell do you know what their beliefs are, you are only insighting more hatred, than logic.

[ksoma]

You were with her for 3 years, and you left her, and ended those three years of commitment, because of her sexual history. Before you. She wasn't cheating, she wasn't being disloyal, she simple had sex with someone, before you.
And you knew this. This wasn't something she just dropped on you. You KNEW this. You said you knew about this a year and a half ago.

Now, to be fair, you have not said what her history was. For all we know, she had gangbang parties regularly, and went through more guys on a weekend than most girls will in their lives.
But to be fair? YOU HAVE NOT SAID WHAT HE HISTORY WAS, and for all we know, she had sex with one other guy, who she was in a committed relationship with, before she met you.

And you, you dirty hypocrite. You are no virgin. What right do you have to condemn a woman for having any sex of any kind in the past, and insisting that no woman who has ever been touched could possibly be good enough for you, when you are not offering them the same in return?

I get, totally, completely, 100%, not wanting a slut. No guy wants to be the man that, after 12 years of jumping dick to dick, she settles for. No guy wants to get into a committed relationship with a woman who doesn't even know how many people she has slept with, what half of their names were, or if they were even clean. The only guys who want sluts are the guys looking for a cheap fuck.

But sex? Sex happens. Maybe it was a one time hook up and a mistake. Maybe she was in a serious relationship. But people have sex. That is part of life. You do not have to accept, forgive, and move past her sexual history if it involved blowing an entire football team on a dare, but if she has had a boyfriend or two before you, and fucked 'em, before she ended up with you? That's fucking life. So unless you have model looks, a six figure income, and a 14 inch cock made of pure gold that can make a woman orgasm just by looking at it, maybe you need to get off your moral high horse, recognize that people are people, and that by leaving her after so long together because of things YOU KNEW ABOUT that happened LONG BEFORE YOU SHOWED UP, that makes you the asshole!

I have no problem with someone preferring a virgin, but if you are not one? And you entered into a relationship knowing she was not one? Deciding later that she isn't pure enough for you is nothing but a dick move. She's better off without you. At some level, you do accept people for their past, even their mistakes.

[LaurenGrace]

Looks like you want a unicorn at at end of a rainbow farting gold coins into a pot... but you can't get past the fact that the unicorn is owned by a lepricon.

Dude get over the fact she has a past.. you have too past too you are not perfect and she lovesyou that is why she is a brokenhearted girl right now.. and frankly you dont deserve her but go make it up to her and stop being a dickhead

[PrincessTashaaaa]

I feel this way about my husbands porn use. He has since stopped watching it around me, and this was three years ago. But I still have huge insecurities because of it. Funny, I don't care about girls he's slept with before me, but I care about his porn use? It's all personal criteria like you said, I guess.

[davidpossey]

why do you really want to date virgins? is it cuz you feel insecure sexually? you dont think you are as good as those guys she had sex with? in the end its your choice to date virgins if you want but dont let it come from a place of insecurity

[kap_nss]

Yes, all that and more.

[davidpossey]

what if you meet an amazing girl you really like but she is not a virgin are you gonna let your insecurity stop you from being with her?

[kap_nss]

Did you actually read my take? I just did it. Not that I'm happy with that but thoughts about her past would never leave me alone and were driving me crazy.

[davidpossey]

try checkin out rsd videos

[fauchelevent]

Meh, if you only want a non-virgin girl, that's up to you. Everyone else is just entitled to call you an asshole for that if they want to.

[TwentySomething]

Why are they entitled to call him an asshat? Because you don't agree?

[fauchelevent]

@TwentySomething No, because that's the way things work? You're entitled to have your opinion, make it public and follow through with it but other people are entitled to disagree with you and say how they feel too.

[TwentySomething]

You make it sound as if everyone should call him an asshat. I share his view. I'll never start a serious relationship with a promiscuous girl.

[fauchelevent]

@TwentySomething I never used the term 'asshat' and I don't think that everyone should call him one. I'm saying that if they do here, he can't get up in arms about it because by making your opinion known, especially one many people would see as incredibly narrow minded, you are opening yourself up to criticism and that is to be expected.

[TwentySomething]

I think shaming people on their preferences is wrong. He doesn't want to date promiscuous girls, now he's getting hate mail and shaming from women.

[fauchelevent]

@TwentySomething That is the risk you take when you put controversial things on the internet. He put up the article knowing that his opinion would upset people, if he thought no one would care, he wouldn't write it. If he receives backlash for his opinion, that is just the way that it works. He's allowed to say what he wants, and he did. Others are allowed to respond, and they will and he knew that when writing the article and chose to put it up anyway.

[TwentySomething]

A guy not wanting to date a whore shouldn't be taboo. People are more accepting of people marrying animals. Society is fucked up if a guy can't say he wants to marry a virgin.

[fauchelevent]

@TwentySomething Except clearly he can say it, that's the whole point of the article. He's said it, no one has attempted to stop him and no one's going to take down what he wrote. He expressed his opinion so he can say it. Other people can respond and it's ridiculous if you think that people shouldn't be allowed to do that.

[fauchelevent]

@TwentySomething Resorting to insults? Well, you sure showed me, you clearly have the intellectual high ground here. I might think that the responses he's getting are a little extreme but, once more, that is the way freedom of speech works. He knew that he would probably upset people with this, otherwise he wouldn't have written it and obviously he was fully prepared for that and doesn't need you to fight his battles for him - and to do so rather poorly, I might add. He expressed himself and no one stopped him. Now other people are allowed to do the same, it's only fair.

[kap_nss]

@TwentySomething I don't give a sh*t about those who insult me instead of disagreeing with me in a civilized manner. It just I like discussions and rational arguments, and haters don't make good discussions. They focus in insulting you and miss the central point.

[TwentySomething]

Yeah, most of these girls sound insecure because they're promiscuous. They're terrified of the idea that guys might not want them because of what they've done. Actions have consequences and they're just now realizing the price they're going to pay.

[fauchelevent]

@TwentySomething I don't think that going without someone who seems to think a girl's worth is somehow less because she had sex is really that big of a price, honestly.

[fauchelevent]

@TwentySomething Dude, I've been in a monogamous long-term relationship for almost 4 and a half years and he's the only person I've slept with. We've known each other for 8 years and didn't have any kind of sexual contact until we'd been together for 6 months. Preeeeetty sure there's nothing whorish there. But no, it doesn't terrify me that men may think less of women for having sex with them. I'm not scared of that, if a guy thinks a woman is worth less because she slept with men, men are obviously the dirty ones and I'd be best off avoiding them anyway, no? However, it is disappointing that so many people hold those views.

[fauchelevent]

@TwentySomething So because you can't continue to call me a whore, you decide to call me a 'progressive beta'? You lose a lot of credit when you just start trolling.

[TwentySomething]

Wasn't talking to you, genius.

[fauchelevent]

@TwentySomething Right, so you're talking to the guy who not only agreed with you but also hasn't spoken for the past six posts? Sure, sweetie :)

[kap_nss]

I'm sitting here watching you two insult each other.

[fauchelevent]

I'm keeping most of my insults back. He's the one calling me a whore when he knows nothing about me or my relationship and tried to say I was stupid, dude.

[kap_nss]

Well, you stopped by to tell me everyone is entitle to call me an assh*le. And I didn't insult you ever. I don't see much difference between you and him.

[fauchelevent]

I said that people could call you an asshole and disagree with you. I didn't call you an asshole, I don't actually consider you an asshole, I repeatedly defended your right to say what you'd like and I didn't express any of my personal beliefs until I was asked about them. This dude is calling people whores, implying they're stupid, trying to say that people shouldn't have freedom of speech and randomly calling people 'betas' without provocation. So yeah. I see a big difference between me and him.

[kap_nss]

Well, maybe I took your comment wrong. People can call me an assh*le and a lot of them actually did. But that's not an adult reaction to someone you disagree with. And that also avoids the civilized discussion about the subject. Basically ruins the discussion and in the end it shows how much this people lack of arguments to support their position.

[fauchelevent]

It does, though when your article makes it seem like you think women who have sex are less valuable or worthy of you than virgin women and your whole relationship will hinge on virginity when you yourself are not a virgin, you should probably be able to understand why people would be upset by that and may find you unpleasant and hypocritical.

[kap_nss]

For a start my article doesn't say "women who have sex are less valuable or worthy". I said I want to date a virgin girl. And I referred to the details of my own story. If you read that it's really easy to understand why. There is nothing in what I wrote stating non-virgins are less valuable. And I said that already in several comments down below. The "women who have sex are less valuable or worthy" idea is in the mind of those who insulted me after "reading" such a concept in a text which doesn't say that at all. My take even says "Maybe it won't be a virgin really" but no one took that into account. Because they chose what to read. They wanted to insult me. They picked up the parts they needed to justify that. And all that because they don't have arguments. It is kind of sad seeing that among a lot of people almost no one was able to keep a civilized discussion.

[SarahsSummer]

I think it is a ridiculous reason to end a relationship and in no way is akin to your other examples ( smoker 1st date sex)
You are 30 years old. If you only want virgins, troll the high school yards but good luck with the law. Or better yet, become a suicide bomber and get 72 virgins after accidentally blowing up while alone somewhere. But I digress, I truly think you just need more time in therapy.

[kap_nss]

It scares to see how many people went about that perverse idea of going to look for highschool girls. How f*cked up.

[SarahsSummer]

No more f*cked than proclaiming you only want to defile virgins.

[kap_nss]

Non-sense

[SarahsSummer]

Yes, your take was.

[COMMODOREII]

I think this is where everyone is standing on one side of the room, and SarahsSummer is standing on the other side of the room, and we are like, "Woah, dont go there".

[SarahsSummer]

@COMMODOREII yeah, I'm on the side that says be open minded to a relationship of any regard and he's on the side of I only want a virgin and nothing else will do. Seems to be a lot more room to move around on my side than his isolated corner of nowhere'sville.

[redeyemindtricks]

@COMMODOREII Nah, sarah's quick with the witty replies. If I were a boy, that kinda thing would make me hot, in a "oh shit I better step to that" sorta way. (;

[ObscuredBeyond]

It's not that she had sex, so much as what she was willing to do to get it, that troubles you. She crossed some lines to get to he prize she hadn't earned, and that creates in you a doubt regarding what other lines she's willing to cross to get other things she hasn't earned - as well as what might become of you should your mere existence ever be in her way.

She was able to do all that to all those men, and keep you in the dark this long. What's next? Where do you draw that line?

As a corollary, you must ask yourself: Has she learned from her mistakes? Is she willing to rise above who she was then? If she already clearly has, and you still say no, you don't deserve her.

If she is clearly impenitent regarding everything, then you have a right to doubt her fidelity, and a right to move on.

[mikemx55]

I had to scroll a lot to find a reasonable comment. Thank you!

[godfatherfan]

The issue is you need a therapist to get over this ridiculos line of thinking. 1) the past has no bearing on your relationship. I never understood why young people want to talk about past sexual history. I didn't want to know my ex wife's and was forced to hear about it. 2) look at divorce rates. All of use went into marriage thinking "it won't be me". And though I had no desire to be divorced, it was forced on me. Your desire for virgins, which is horrible in my opinion, has a very short window. once you get to your mid 20's and up, say bye bye to that forever. and if you end up in your 40's like me, your looking at many many sexual partners. Do you want a woman to judge you based on the women you fucked. Your not a virgin so why should she be?
my motto... Never be a woman's first, or last...