The Girls Guide to Sex

ThatGirl19

The Girls Guide to Sex

Freshman year of college. Filled with guys who are comple commitment-phobs and wannabe fuckbois. I have nothing against casual sex. It can be fun but is it really too much to ask for a guy to talk to you, wave hi to you, or even just smile when they see you around campus after having sex with them?

It was so easy for you to have sex with me but talking to me after is just too hard. Honestly I'm sick of guys treating girls like sex objects they can just toss around. It's time you treat girls right not because you feel you have to or because they're a girl but because girls are people who have feelings that matter. You wouldn't want to be treated like sex object and if you do you must have your own issues.

I'm sick of going on this site looking up a million different ways I can be better in bed. I can be the perfect fuck. None of it matters because afterward I get nothing after but heartache. I'm sick of double standards and guys assuming because a girl has sex she's willing to do anything with you. Because she gets around she's dirty and doesn't have feelings. I'm sick of spending so much time on my physical apearance I'm late to my classes and I still barely look mediocre. I'm sick of using sex as a way of validation that never makes me feel better. I'm sick of changing myself so I can fit the pretty girl steretype society shoves down our throats.

In order to be a pretty girl you have to have the looks of Kim Kardashian and the personality of Zooey Deschennel. You can have a sexuality but you have to be quiet about it and the guy always comes first (no pun intended). I'm not angry at guys. I don't think it's your fault you think this way about girls. When your surrounded by these depictions of women all throughout your life you can't help but believe that's what you like and how your supposed to treat a girl.

Instead of making me change me why don't we change society...

The Girls Guide to Sex
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Most Helpful Girls

  • AsianFlower
    I'm sorry you had to go through that. :( I agree that guys should at least be courteous enough to acknowledge you in public. I can't imagine how awful that must feel. I would probably be cringing inside.

    I've never had casual sex, so I'm no expert on this matter. However, I few a things you wrote here concerned me so I want to break down a couple of your comments for you. I only mean this out of a place of sincerity and concern, woman-to-woman.

    You said "I'm sick of using sex as a way of validation that never makes me feel better." This is an unhealthy approach to sex (and relationships in general) because you are giving away your power. Be confident and secure in yourself so that you don't need a man or anyone else to validate your sense of attractiveness or self-worth. If you are looking to a guy to validate you in some way, he is picking up on that, trust me. Guys can sense insecurity a mile away; it's like a sixth sense for them. When they sense insecurity and neediness, their instincts tell them to run the other way. Sure, they may sleep with you first and then run away. But they will run away. Right now, I think you care about the outcome too much. I bet the minute you stop caring if they say "Hi" to you or not, that they will start saying "Hi" and maybe think "Hey, here's a cool girl." They will notice this mental shift in you. Then you can move on to a place where casual sex is truly fun for both of you because you are not concerned about the outcome. My advice though, if you like a guy for something more serious or long-term, don't have casual sex with him!
    Is this still revelant?
    • You also said "I'm sick of changing myself so I can fit the pretty girl steretype society shoves down our throats. In order to be a pretty girl you have to have the looks of Kim Kardashian and the personality of Zooey Deschennel." I'm sorry you feel that way. :( Society does a pretty good job of messing with women's self-esteem and ideas of beauty, etc. Those fashion magazines are garbage. Wear this outfit! This lip color! This nail polish! As if that is going to attract him? Guys find attractive, what they find attractive. Those fashion magazines exist to sell items. If you truly want to know what guys find attractive, look at magazines for guy's. Not every guy wants a combination of Kim Kardashian and Zooey Dechanel. They want YOU. You are most attractive when you are yourself. Coco Chanel said "Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself." It is really refreshing for guys to meet a girl who is un-apologetically herself because it makes her unique.

    • Self-love is the most attractive trait of all.

      ... I have to run now but will write more later...

  • Smmyskittles
    SOME MEN.

    Older men, from my experience, make great FWBs (I've had 2, both older). I've had them between relationships because women have needs.

    My friends with benefits from last year (it was long term) was amazing. He'd grab me and hold me in his arms afterwards, kiss my neck, whisper goodnight, bring back breakfast in the morning and chat with me, and give me a kiss goodbye when I left.

    When I was gone, he'd text me and ask how I was or how my day was.

    You're dealing with some fuckboys.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guys

  • Chief16
    Lady, a guy who just wants you in bed is a pathetic excuse for a man. Don't give something as valuable as your body to guys who don't respect it, you've seen guys who are commitment-phobic. Good, this is your filter, to distinguish the guys you just want for sex against the guys who actually want you.
    Its easy to know a guy who really wants you, he'll wait for you till you're ready.
    but from your description...
    https://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/65990586.jpg
    Come on! Nothing against casual sex? These guys owe you nothing whatsoever. And that's why its cheap, I'd never have sex without taking the time to know them. Beauty isn't the only attractive quality on a woman you know. If you want to change society, you have to change yourself first. Don't expect anyone to change for you.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Just because a guy is promiscuous doesn't mean he doesn't value or respect the females he has sex with. Maybe we are "commitment-phobic", but many of us probably have reasons for that. I know how I grew up helped shape me into how I am. Not that I've had an overly rough childhood. It's just how I grew up.

      "He'll wait for you till you're ready." Meaning he wants to right now, but he's willing to wait? That's a lapse in communication to me. I guess you could see it as compromise though too.

    • Chief16

      @Joc4Position she's saying these dudes don't talk to her. Now beg your pardon, I at least make small talk. There's promiscuous guys and then there are users.

    • Oh yeah. I agree with you there. I said that in my opinion. There are promiscuous guys and there are womanizers/snakes/liars.

    • Show All
  • There is a great diversity among guys just as there is a great diversity among females. Not all guys are alike. If you consistently have the same experience with guys, it probably means that you are consistently choosing the same type of guy. Maybe you are doing it subconsciously, but. . . the alternative is to say, "It's not me, it's everybody else!" You know how that sounds, right?
    Is this still revelant?
    • ThatGirl19

      I get what your saying. I should've said most guys instead of all. Still you have to admit casual sex would be a lot better if people just showed more respect. Like I said I get that it's not romantic and won't lead to a relationship but respecting the other persons boundaries, acknowledging their feelings, and treating them like a person shouldn't be too much to ask for.

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What Girls & Guys Said

821
  • Joc4Position
    isaacmorehouse.liberty.me/.../...-anger-e57d09.jpg

    Just messing with you :P.

    I'm still getting tired of people using the term "fuck boy" wrong. Just because you want casual sex doesn't mean you're a fuck boy. Fuck boys are liars and snakes. Backstabbers and snitches. I guess who's just horny and want to fuck girls isn't a fuck boy.

    I've seen the opposite perspective. I've had/have flings and would still talk to them after sex. In college the very first one we still talked. I didn't meet her on campus or anything, but we still talked. Eventually we didn't. One fling left me. I didn't leave her. So the shoe can be on the other foot some times... or someone else's foot. It isn't always the female who gets left. The media would tell you that, but that's not reality.

    You go on this site looking for how to be better in bed? When it's full of the inexperienced and opposite gender haters? Really?

    The best way to be in bed is to just do you. Explore and do what you do. Everybody will have their own things they like during sex. Be it like to do during sex or like having done to them.

    It's mostly about sexual chemistry more than just being skilled. Just like beauty is in the eye of the beholder so is skill when it comes to sex.

    I think most guys want monogamous relationships and obviously they'd treat the woman with respect and all (I'd hope). However, often times when it comes to casual sex objectification does happen. With me I tend to treat every casual encounter with respect, but sure there are guys who don't. Maybe that's immaturity on their part, but hey none of us are perfect. There are plenty of females who do it too.

    You don't have to change anything. If you don't want to do all that just have get a boyfriend who respects and loves you for you.
    • ThatGirl19

      I agree I didn't mean a guy who has a lot of sex but a guy who has sex with a girl and completely drops her after. The same idea can be applied to girls. Like I said there's nothing wrong with casual or promiscuity as long as you take the other persons feelings into account and treat them like a person and not just a fuck toy. There's got to be respect whether you've been with someone for 25 years or you just met them 20 minutes beforehand.

    • Yeah.

  • zagor
    Sorry, but they don't owe you anything just because they fucked you (unless you're a hooker). If you want more than an orgasm then you need to be pickier about who you're screwing. Otherwise just lay back and enjoy it while it lasts, and get on with life. And make it to class on time.
  • WalterRadio
    "Honestly I'm sick of guys treating girls like sex objects they can just toss around"
    If girls didn't act like sluts, then that wouldn't happen.

    Guys are reflective. They treat girls exactly the way girls express to them the way they want to be treated.

    If you don't like it, go become a nun. There are plenty of girls lined up to be next.

    I have a girlfriend right now, a number two that I am sleeping with who wants the number one slot (she might eventually get it), and a third who will jump into bed with me as soon as I say so. These are also all well educated women.
    • I like what you said about guys being reflective. I think that is something most girls fail to understand 😞

    • ThatGirl19

      @AsianFlower If you really think about what he just posted it's pretty fucked up. Yeah if it's a fling or a hook up there are no crazy expectations or romance but that doesn't mean there shouldn't be any respect. Also, just because a girl has sex that doesn't mean she deserves less respect than a girl who doesn't. When you think about it with a hookup the main goal always seems to be to get the guy off and the girl getting off is more of a suggestion. People love to tell girls to not obsess over getting an orgasm in a hookup but not once have I heard someone say that to a guy. The whole point of hooking up is to have sex for fun and acknowledging the person afterward shouldn't be too much to ask for. You don't have to but it would be the right thing to do. Please don't believe this misogynistic bull shit.

    • Yeah, so I'm not making an excuse for anything else he wrote. But I believe he was dead-on when he said that guys are reflective.

    • Show All
  • confusedgirl239
    If you don't want guys to hit it and quit it, demand respect by the way you carry yourself. If I show guys my intelligence and don't put myself in situations where they could think I want to go that route, I don't run into those guys and you won't get abused. Show them that you are worth being respected by the way that you act.
  • the_rake
    it's funny how the guys like this seem to get all the action but guys willing to treat women with the respect you're asking for are left behind sorely. maybe it's the kind of guys you're choosing that's the problem here.

    'In order to be a pretty girl you have to have the looks of Kim Kardashian and the personality of Zooey Deschennel.'

    a) in no world is Kim Kardashian a stellar example for attraction (fake, fake, fake)
    b) guys suffer a similar dichotomy: it's probably much harder for them since the vast majority of men are grossly unsuccessful with women.
    • elric

      Thanks for mentioning that, as I was just about to myself.

  • cth96190
    I am moderately surprised that any young man on a university campus is interested in having sex, or any other form of interaction, with any of the females on campus.
    Given the insane affirmative consent rules; rampant feminism (which has become a collective display of mental illness); false rape allegations; and the dire consequences for males of all of the aforementioned a rational and intelligent male should avoid contact with females on campus as much as possible.
    • Johnagain

      Yeah! (To the femenazis...) Let's cut off ALL the balls of males that even LOOK suspiciously menacing on college campuses! 👮

  • aliceinwonderland69
    If you start a relationship on a sexual basis it is hard to change it to something more emotional. Wait for guys to show you respect before you sleep with them instead of expecting it to come afterwards.

    A guy who sees you as a one night stand has little incentive to focus on your pleasure. Sex tends to get better after you have been with someone for a while and they know you and what you like.
  • pavlove
    i don't think you really like casual sex. that's the core of the problem. Some girls like it some girls just do it for validation and plenty don't do it at all. just stop having it if you're so opposed to it.
  • Spirit_Is_Free
    That is a very damning statement on some aspects of society - Yes it would be lovely if society changed to a perfect world - I would ask you to change but in a way that makes you feel better about yourself - Don't worry about being the perfect woman by comparing yourself to others and feeling if you fall short you have to use sex as a validation - Stay true to yourself and become more confident in yourself - Let guys get to know real you as a person, if it leads to a relationship great and don't be in a rush to get physical until you are ready. The right guy who likes you as a person will wait for you and if they have a quibble with this, they are the wrong guy for you,
  • Maxemeister
    Not all guys think like this and to be progressive as you say, maybe it's time you stop blaming all of us, eh?

    No one EVER said you have to perfect your beauty and be "pretty-pretty" and no one EVER said anything about u not having a sexuality. You can have whatever you want and the rest is you just listening to this "screwed up" society we live in.
  • ConsultantIsBack
    Based on the title, I was expecting a quality detailed, informative post. Lol, this had so much potential.
  • Prof_Don
    Maybe you're not built for casual sex, or you are choosing guys who are completely detached from who they have sex with.
  • Stacyzee
    Looks of Kim? You mean botox filled and man made figure.

    Oh man , those looks are artificial. Real people don't like fake women
  • elric
    The issue, it seems, is that for you, sex means a relationship, yet for men, casual sex is just sex, an activity that needs to be done with one girl or another. If you want men to respect you and treat you like a regular person, then before you have sex with them, you have to have a relationship with them. For men, a girl giving easy sex is not viewed positively for a lasting relationship. Sadly for women, society has changed so that girls do their best to seem as sexual as possible, causing guys, whom love it, to go for and expect easy sex. The only way you would get what you want is if sluts were not glorified and made to seem acceptable. This would cause women unwilling to give sex easily, making men revert to the old ways of using meaningful relationships.
  • Jibaku
    If you don't mind answering, What do you get validated from sex?

    I can't speak for everyone but from my experience, and I agree with @OlderAndWiser that there are a huge variety of guys out there as much as girls, I've known guys and girls to have sex or not for a lot of reasons.
    Personally I know I can't have sex with just anyone, I need to have a strong relationship with that person first. Kinda cautious with people.
    Unfortunately I've moved around a fair bit and nothing's really worked out so far.
    Maybe soon but no sex for till then.
  • kavyareddy2
    What's up with all these people complaining? The other day I read on thise site about a girl how she's different from other women blah blah... who cares? Just mind your own Danny business
  • Transigence
    Sexual objectification is complete bullshit. We don't want to fuck objects. Even when we're actually fucking objects (like a sex toy or a stream of video data), we bend over backwards to SUBJECTIFY them with human characteristics or it just doesn't work.

    This patently feminist assertion of male psychopathy is deeply insulting and needs to be called out wherever it is found.

    "Instead of making me change me why don't we change society..."
    Nobody's making you change. You can choose to or not, but holy shit the entitlement that the whole world should change to accommodate you characterizes the feminist entitlement complex to a tee.

    P. S. I know you didn't say anything about feminism. But if you use their language and build on their fraudulent ideas, you're a feminist.
  • Polocrew
    Who the fuk u telling this to? Lol guys on here are nerdy ass virgins that still haven't got laid ha. And you just mad because some dude didn't texted you back lol
  • JayTheKid
    Lol no one told you to conform to society, if you do not want casual sex then do not do it
  • Johnagain
    Here, here. I agree. More good casual sex. Less stigma, expectations and stereotyping. I'm single... by the way. Hi.
  • TheHooptyMiata
    1. I'd love to be a sex object. It'd mean I do even less work to get laid.
    2. I treat women like sloots, because they like it.
    3. Get over yourself, you control what kind of guy you fuck, not me. Seriously if you think ALL college freshmen are fuckbois, you're retarded. You just choose the fuckbois, because as per point 2, being treated like the little whore that you are turns you on in a weird way you can't quite explain.

    TL;DR, if you wanted a decent respectful guy you'd have one. It's your fault you get treated like shit, because the fact you keep going back for more confirms in our minds that being an asshole gets you laid.

    Which, guys, it does.
  • Helghast_kitty
    the talking thing is just a dick move whether you've had sex or not
  • Anonymous
    I think they secretly make love to mobile and computer porn..
    • ThatGirl19

      Lol what?

    • Anonymous

      You said they treat girls like objects... that's cos they've been sexing their mobile phones and computer a lot.

  • Anonymous
    Im gonna be that douchey person that corrects you (I hate when people do this but I feel its necessary)

    "Honestly I'm sick of guys treating girls like sex objects they can just toss around. It's time you treat girls right not because you feel you have to or because they're a girl but because girls are people who have feelings that matter"

    Im going to correct you here and say "some guys."

    Dont go for the alpha male tool types and you won't have this problem, guaranteed. YOU ARE THE PROBLEM, not society. I can think of a dozen guys off the top of my head who would never do this to a woman, myself included, they are out there, you clearly just suck at picking men.
    • Anonymous

      Also Kim Kardashian looks like trash and Zooey Deschennel is good looking, but not appealing at all. If either of these women came to my doorstep offering their "services" I would slam the door in their face before they had the chance to finish. Stop trying to act like slutty celebrities and act like yourself (hopefully) a normal, self respecting young woman.

  • Anonymous
    Ok! You guys out there who are telling her to ignore the guys who don't play by her rules:
    Just don't go around later crying like babies that girls aren't nice to you and won't choose you for a boyfriend or sex partner. You're asking for it!
  • Anonymous
    I've had a lot of casual sex and never had these experiences. To me, a lot of guys I've slept with in a friends with benefits situation were kinder to me than my boyfriends have been.

    Something is going wrong here with your experiences... It's not a behavior all or most guys display. Try to reflect on what it is that's happening and avoid sex a while until you know.
  • Anonymous
    Hmmmm. . . are you saying you'd rather have a boyfriend than a casual sex partner? How many guys have you had sex with? Were they all just one (or two) offs or have you ever had a longer relationship?
  • Anonymous
    Great take! I've had a lot of casual sex, back in college, and even more now that I'm working. It's the most fun i can have. Of course what happens after can really suck. However, every guy would at least say hi when I see them afterwards. What you describe are really fucked up situations. Not even looking at you anymore? But yeah I've had some weird situations as well. When I was still pretty new at work, this guy kept playing me, I was one day really bored and horny and during lunch break, we went to my place to fuck. It was casual, but afterwards he made a real mean comment during a meeting with all the staff, like he said something was my fault that I totally didn't do. Then I heard him telling all the details of how he fucked me to his male coworkers. So he just blames me for things I didn't do in a mean way, while he was cumming all over my ass a hour before, and then he brags about it to his friends to boost his ego and destroy mine.
  • Anonymous
    Most guys aren't hooking up much, it's a minority. Since girls who hook up don't want average guys, they all want the same group of hot/funny/cool 'fuckboys', they all have to amp up their looks/dirtyness game to compete for them.

    They are not bothered by being treated as sex objects. For men, being sexually objectified is a rare and thrilling experience most guys almost never experience.

    Guys who want to fuck around are not going to stop at your age, period. You want a relationship, find a relationship minded guy, who is likely either less good looking or more shy and more likely in STEM where there's a male female balance that hurts rather than helps him. If you don't want casual sex, don't pursue that side of things.

    • I'm not funny. Cool and hot? Ehhh. Maybe. I am a shy guy. "Fuckboy" I'll never be. I don't back stab people, and that's what a fuck boy is. A fuck boy isn't a promiscuous guy. A fuck boy usually doesn't even have a lot of sex. He's just a back stabber.

      I agree though. She shouldn't pursue casual sex stuff. It's not for her apparently.

    • Anonymous

      @Joc4Position Player, fuckboy, these things mean a million different things.

      ANyway, the idea that every guy out there is just hooking up constantly, no freaking way.

      It's just a lot of girls, the guys they WANT are hooking up constantly.

    • Ehh. A player may be a fuckboy, but a promiscuous guy isn't necessarily neither. A fuck boy is always a snake though around here. Slipping and sliding like oil. Slithering around backstabbing people.

      Well of course every guy isn't hooking up. Most people are monogamous.

      That's true sometimes too. Sometimes the guys females want are promiscuous, but I don't think you have to be any of those things you mentioned to be promiscuous.

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