You Can Mind About Your Girlfriend's Hair Color But Not About Her Sexual Past

kap_nss

I know this will sound strange but this my take about my take. Actually, it is about the reaction to my take. Long story short: I have had a severe retroactive jealousy problem for one year and a half. I wrote a question here about it. In the process of finding a way out of this I’ve come across a lot of stuff in the internet. I noticed something annoying among the usual replies to people in the same situation as me. The “you have to accept her as she is” idea was the most popular answer. As I thought that’s totally wrong I wrote a myTake explaining that if you are in a situation were you can’t get over your girlfriend’s sexual past you have an option. You can quit and get yourself a girlfriend without a sexual past, or at least not too much of it.

You can mind about your girlfriend's hair color but not about her sexual past

It looks like that blowed up some minds and they freaked out about it. You can see in the comments there how many people insulted me. But isn’t it true that you can choose your girlfriend having your own criteria? Let’s see. You meet someone you find fairly attractive physically. You get to know each other and then you realize this person is totally opposite to you regarding politics. Every talk ends up in an argument about it. Eventually you stop seeing this person. Isn’t it natural? Of course it is because even when you look for someone different from you, at some point you need some compatibility degree. Or to put it the other way around, you can’t have a partner if you two are incompatible.

If you go back to myTake you will be surprised to find out that there’s a lot of people there trying in vain to sustain the idea that “you can’t look for a girl who is virgin”. As ridiculous as it looks. They believe you can choose to date blonde girls only. You can go for bounty girls only, or emo girls only. But you can’t ever think of choosing virgin girls only. Because it is somehow forbidden. Don’t tell me, I’ve nothing to do with that crazy idea. There is several theories according to the comments there. Let alone the messages containing some sort of insult and nothing else.

One theory says that you can’t choose to date only virgins if you are 30 years old because 99% of girls at that age aren’t virgin anymore. Let me say that I doubt about that number. Even when the comments weren’t that precise the basic concept behind them was that it is way too difficult to find a 30 years old virgin girl. Even if that was true, how do you deduce you are not allowed to do it from that assumption. That would be like saying people can’t play lottery because chances are they will never win. Needless to say it’s way more easy to find a thirty years old virgin than winning the lottery.

Another theory holds that only a virgin guy is allowed to choose virgin girls for dating. Or more in general only virgins should get virgins. This one is amazing. Can you imagine that? You know where that comes from, sure you do: poor dates poor, rich dates rich, white dates white and so on. And then those people called me archaic. Give me a break.

There is one theory affirming that if you want to date a virgin then you don’t care about anything else except that. Like if I were to date a serial killer girl, knowing she is a killer because she is a virgin. Do they read their comments before submitting them?

This one has to be quoted “if you only want a non-virgin girl, that's up to you. Everyone else is just entitled to call you an asshole for that if they want to”. Like, “I’m sorry but we will have to stone you to death because you committed adultery”. Is it written in the Bible?

I could keep going identifying other attitudes from these user that I find pretty aggressive. But the point is just a few of the commenters went on disagreeing in a civilized manner. You can barely find a couple of them which made a rational argument, explaining why they don’t agree with me. That’s sad.

If a guy wants to date virgin, he is not looking for underage girl. That comes from the minds of whom made those horrible comments. He is not saying that non-virgin girls are “sluts” nor “used goods”. He isn’t telling other guys that they shouldn’t date non-virgins. He is only having a preference which has no more or less value than any other preference. Do you think a guy choosing blonde girls to date is insulting brunettes? Where are the rules that tell us which preferences are allowed and which aren’t written anyway? Everyone have preferences. Everyone choose not to date certain people. And they do that for the reasons they think are worth. Which implies that the guys and girls from the comments I mentioned are hypocritical.

You Can Mind About Your Girlfriend's Hair Color But Not About Her Sexual Past
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Most Helpful Guy

  • ManOnFire
    There is nothing wrong at all with you having a preference and wanting the type of woman you want. It sounds like people are trying to tell you to just accept what's already out there and pick from that, that your dream girl - so to speak - is rare and not worth looking for. Bullshit. Like what you like and pick what you want, man.

    It seems to be in these times that women are threatened or intimidated by a guy's preference in women. They want it to be okay if they have "high standards" and be "picky," but if a guy has a particular preference in women, it's not okay and he has to just accept the women already out there, because him having a preference in some way would put them at a disadvantage, like they enjoy having men think about themselves when women have preferences and don't want certain guys. Women's ideas of the perfect man are her having high standards, our ideas of having the perfect woman are what they want to right off as "male fantasies." Guess again: guys do have standards, types. My words to women: Deal with it.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girl

  • RetroDreamerXD
    Such nasty hate on a preference of virgins/less sexually active females from people who has a sexual history longer than a kids Christmas list (more than likely).

    I agree with your stance and perspective. You have actual fact and logical reasoning for wanting a certain type. And people shouldn't get mad even if you didn't.

    Everyone can date anyone who they see as fitting their standards.
    Is this still revelant?
    • kap_nss

      It's easy, isn't it? And yet they keep posting comments insulting me in the other take. And saying non-sense like you have no right to date a virgin "... unless you're a virgin or have slept with under 3 girls". LOL

    • They're shitting themselves mate lol I guess I'm not allowed to date guys who aren't virgins xD

    • kap_nss

      Well, it's strange how their minds work. They twist the idea to make it fit themselves. The look for a rational argument to sustain their banning on my preference. Of course they only say non-sense because there is no rational way for banning someone's preferences for dates. :)

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • OlderAndWiser
    You can do whatever you want when it comes to choosing a mate. The criteria you choose may severely restrict your choices, but that is your decision to make as you are the one who will live with the consequences.

    I suspect that the people who balk at the idea of considering a girl's sexual history are a part of the politically correct crowd. Party of what motivates some of those people is the idea that you should be free to do whatever you want to do and there shouldn't be any consequences for your behavior. I'm sure you see the problem with that attitude. I expect to get replies calling me a stupid old man with old fashioned ideas that have no place in a modern world. I am actually fairly progressive for my age but the idea that you can do whatever you want without consequences is a horrible idea for any culture.
    • kap_nss

      I agree in that some of them don't want the consequences of their acts. But I think part of those freaking out at my take do that because they think they are correct people which make correct choices. And they feel entitled to insult anyone who doesn't live by the same rules they created in their minds. They made a set of arbitrary rules about what preferences are allowed when choosing a girl. And that's so arbitrary that they can't even explain why.

    • These same people will claim to be both tolerant and motivated by love, but if you disagree with them, they want to assassinate your character.

    • Winesteed

      I think that, if we are permitted to consider a woman's sexual history before dating her then we should by all accounts embrace the idea that women can do this as well. Some of us would prefer to date virgins, too. Some of us also want total sex gods. It's our preference.

      The problem that people have is the implied double-standard of women needing to be virginal and men needing to be sex gods. Where I'm from, there is a lot of pressure put on women to be "pure" until marriage and we are taught that much of our worth as human beings revolves largely around men's approval and desire of us. The reaction a lot of women have of the "this is bullshit" variety comes from the perception that people think they don't have value after they have sex and are "damaged goods." It's why we get up and arms and say "Fuck you" when people scoff at us not being virgins.

      A lot of women go to therapy and are pretty fucked up over the whole purity pressure thing. It's damaging.

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  • SakuraCherryBlossoms
    Why don't you just fuck more so you don't feel jealous?
    • skeptic007

      that makes no sense it has nothing to do with evening things out

      ohh we both had sex 10 times where even now lol WHAT!!!
      basic principal we don't want a women who has had sex with too many men that will never change

    • kap_nss

      A friend of mine told me that. So I wouldn't have to break up with my girlfriend. But I won't cheat on her, I won't lie to her, and I'm not sure if I would like to be in a physical only relationship anyway.

    • You said in your last post you did break up!

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  • Redshift
    Whatever float your boat, dude. Send any hot women that fails your test this way.
  • sp33d
    I don't ask them about their past, that's none of my concern.
    • kap_nss

      I don't ask either. But then what if she tells you anyway, without you asking for it?

    • sp33d

      good to know, I guess.

  • JuicyBrain
    I understand that you may feel completely inadequate when you learn that your girlfriend has had sex before. I mean, she had sex with guys who knew their stuff and now she's being with you. That must be scary for you. But you know what? Nobody cares. They may care on this site, but in real life, they don't. Personally, my problem is when the guy says that girls are sluts and should be virgins and they should do this and they should do that. You want to be with virgins? Fine, but don't complain that you can't find them and don't try to manipulate them into staying virgins for your own benefit.
  • takumii
    Its fine, if you wanna only date virgins it's fine because no one gives a flying fuck.

    But we live in a society so people are gonna judge your reasoning.
  • aliceinwonderland69
    Also you don't have to fuck someone your age. Plenty of younger women want older men. Actually, I think some prefer it.
    • Most girls over 22 are jaded and used up. Hard to find an attractive 25 year old who hasn't been with at least 20 guys. (God knows how many other guys she's blown or been fingerd by). Most girls aren't relationship material.

    • Amanda2

      @TwentySomething what I am 25 and I have just been on my fifth

  • dudeman
    yeah you can date whoever you want. all preferences are equally as valid.
  • RachelBrigs
    " But isn’t it true that you can choose your girlfriend having your own criteria?"

    Yeah, you can. Who's gonna stop you?
    And you should have your own "criteria." Nothing wrong with that. And if you highly prefer a girl with less sex in her past that's fine, but I will say that if you limit yourself to only virgins or girls with very particular amounts/types of experience then you're hurting yourself, and often times guys like that are just dicks who think women literally become worthless if they've had sex. And I have a problem with guys who think that way and I'll call them out on it.

    But simply wanting a girl who hasn't had casual sex, that's fine in my eyes, I'm the same with guys.

    The part that isn't so fine about you particularly is that this stems from jealously aka insecurity, and that's not healthy
    • kap_nss

      And in your case, where does it stem from your preference for guy who haven't been in casual sex? How is that good, and my preference wrong? Lol.

    • Because I attach meaning to sex, if he has casual sex he doesn't, and we won't see sex the same way.

    • kap_nss

      :D I can say exactly the same "I think sex is meaningful and if she has slept with many guys that means she doesn't see sex the same way I do".

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  • hellionthesage
    The reason is because women do not like the idea that a guy will reject them for their behavior. They wish to be promiscuis (which is entirely their right and no one should take that from them) but then they also want a guy who will act as if they where not which is not right as its his choice. I would say its a bit hypocritical to demand a girl be a virgin when you have slept around a lot but that doesn't mean its not your right to make that decision. I would only say it will be difficult considering the era we live in and if you have a history she may judge you just as you have judged others so as long as you have no issues with that and respect it then yeah, their is nothing wrong with it.
    • kap_nss

      I haven't slept around a lot. And even if I did, it shouldn't matter as long as it is ok to the girl I'm dating. You're going behind the idea that you can only date people which is exactly like you. Which makes no sense.

    • No I am not, at no point did I say that and in fact stated the opposite. I said if she rejects you for sleeping around then you are obligated to respect that since it is the same criteria you have for her. To do otherwise is hypocritcal.

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