Interracial Dating: Preference vs. Isolation

kxera

Is there a difference between preference and isolation?

Interracial Dating: Preference vs. Isolation


If you've ever asked another individual out on a date or have been in a position in which you had to either accept or decline a proposition, you've mostly likely heard one of these common phrases at least once:

"I don't date [race] girls"

"I'm just not into [race] guys"

"I swear I'm not racist, but I don't date [race] people"

Interracial Dating: Preference vs. Isolation


What is preference?

Interracial Dating: Preference vs. Isolation


From my perspective: When it comes to dating or making any type of choice, preference is having something you're typically more attracted to in realtion to other things. A preference is your go-to option, but it doesn't make everything else an "absolutely not".

Think of it this way: Let's say you like cereal. Perhaps your favorite cereal is Cheerios. If Cheerios just happens to be your preference of cereal, does that mean you would never eat any other flavor? Probably not, it just means that you'd most likely eat it before another flavor.

The same can be applied to dating. Lets say you're usually attracted to yellow eyed gingers with green skin. If it's a preference, It just means you typically wouldn't date outside of your preference but if you found a special someone that's perhaps a blue eyed brunette with rainbow skin who is obviously outside of your preference but really just made you go "wow", you wouldn't turn them down just because they don't meet your preference.

"When you have a preference, everything else doesn't default to no. Everything else becomes a maybe or not likely."


What is isolation?

Interracial Dating: Preference vs. Isolation
Interracial Dating: Preference vs. Isolation

When it comes to dating: Racial isolation is when your sole reason for turning someone down is because of their race. People don't magically only date people within one race. There is always a reason whether it be logical or illogical. In many cases, isolation is caused due to actually being racist or prejudice because whether it be a concious thought or subconcious mentality, whoever the person may be is under the impression that everyone or a majority of indidivudals belonging to a certain group all are or all act a certain way. This would be stereotyping and limiting yourself to or from a certain with the belief that a certain group is either inferior/superior.

Excpetions: Often, it's not neccesarily directly correlated to race. I know a lot of people who simply stay within a group because they want children who look like them. While it's not a bad reason, it's still isolation. However, I don't think this would make you a bad or racist person.


What is attraction?

Interracial Dating: Preference vs. Isolation

I think we've all got a good idea of what attraction is and what it means to be attracted to someone, so I'll spare you all the breakdown.

Rejection: It's common for us to hear

"I'm just not attracted to [race] guys"

or

"[race] girls just aren't attractive".

Now, I fully agree that simply not being attracted to an indidividual does not make you racist or sexist, but when you say things such as "I don't date [race] people" or "[race] people aren't attractive", you're categorizing every single last person in a race, and odds are, you haven't even met a majority of those people. Lets say you're usually attarcted to green people and you find a green person that you're not attracted to. You're probably not going to say that "I'm not attracted to you because you're green", so the same should be applied if perhaps you weren't attracted to a red even if you're not usually attracted to red people anyway. I personally think the best reponse would be

"I'm not attracted to you."

Physical attraction is definitely not something we choose, so we shouldn't just say I'm not attracted to you just because you're this or that race. I personally believe there are attractive people in every race, but of course, being attractive doesn't mean everyone is going to be attracted to you.

Compared to sexuality: If you're heterosexual, then you of course like the opposite sex, but that doesn't mean you can't recognize someone of the same sex as attractive.

The same could definitely be applied to race. You may think people are a certain race are visually attractive but if there's just no libido then there just is none.

If perhaps everyone you run into of a certain group just hasn't done it for you so far, then that's fine, but when you start categorizing the group and saying that it just would never happen because "they're...", then that's when it becomes a problem.


What's the big takeaway?

Interracial Dating: Preference vs. Isolation

There are many messages you all could have percieved from this take. I think the biggest message I realized while writing this take is that we shouldn't categorize or judge entire groups of people, especially when it comes to choosing a possible life partner. I also wanted to stir up the pot and get people thinking about whether or not their preference really is a preference or just a way of justifiying isolation. I do hope my Take broadened your perspective.


. . . Thanks for reading! . . .

Interracial Dating: Preference vs. Isolation

QOTD: Have you ever isolated yourself without any particular "logical" reason when it came to dating?


Disclaimer: This myTake is not directed towards any individual or group of people. All things mentioned have happen to people of various backgrounds. This is not a take meant to label anyone as racist or decide who anyone can or can't date. Its purpose is to give people a new perspective on how they view race, preference, and anything else along those lines.

Interracial Dating: Preference vs. Isolation
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Anonymous
    I am not sure what are people definition for the word 'preference' but to me when someone exclude the entire race from their list, it's hidden racism. Period. Or if it's not racism, I'd considered it as a prejudice at least. I mean I get that you're not attracted to MOST of them but every race has at least more than 10 million people with a wide form of diversity. How is it logic to find the whole people to be unattractive? This is not even relevant at all.

    This take reminds me of one bigot who answered a question about an Indian actress who is married to a White Men. The asker (Indian man) was complaining about her not marrying Indian man. Then there is this dude who came and answered something like "I don't find Indian women to be attractive so you can have ALL of them" LOL he isn't even answering the question but just threw a stupid opinion to show his Asian fetishism (he has a picture of an Asian girl on his background profile). Funny when I went to his profile, I assumed him to look like James Dean but unfortunately he looks like a White pedophilia.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      married to a White man*

    • kxera

      I know, and I mentioned that it was racist to isolate. Not dating one race is not "preference."

      And speaking of not finding your own race attractive, I have a take related to that in the makings.

    • Anonymous

      I always feel like those who exclude one race from being their potential partner, is actually having some negative connotations about that particular race. Or they view them lower than any other races that he prefers for whatever stupid reason. Most of the time though, I have noticed Black and Indian women tend to be the bottom part of the dating pool.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guy

  • RationalMale
    The flip side is... no one needs a reason to not do interracial dating. The reason, doesn't really matter at all, nor do other people have a right to question you. It doesn't matter if you're being racist or based on stereotypes...

    Your body. Your choice.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • RedThread
    You're an amazing young woman. You just described my progression when I was a kid. I need to explain my background a bit to make this easier to explain. I grew up around all white people and all my friends were white and all the women I ever thought cute were white. I never questioned it or thought it was weird until people started to question ME. I really couldn't explain why I only thought white girls were attractive. I had no logical answer and when I don't have a logical answer for something I always dig deeper to try to find one. Part of it was lack of exposure and brainwashing with Eurocentric beauty standards in a majority Caucasian country. I'm ashamed to admit it now but I had A LOT of subconscious racist thoughts and tendencies towards people who didn't share my skin color. I had a superiority complex without even realizing I had one. As soon as I came to that realization I started to seriously question how I defined beauty. Are white girl's objectively more beautiful? Of course not. I then decided to embark on a journey of debrainwashing and social experimentation. I started eating out in more diverse areas, I started chatting up people I used to subconsciously avoid, I dove into foreign movies and music, and just generally kept questioning and exposing myself to more people. The results came slowly but I started noticing women of many different backgrounds. They were romantic options to me now because they're my equals and they were just as beautiful as I considered white women the whole time. It's like the blinders fell away and a new frontier was upon me. My beauty standards just had to shift and catch up to the diversity around me.

    It's been an enlightening experience for me and I'm so happy I have my skepticism and inquisitive personality. I'm unsatisfied until I have answers to questions. Now I'll date anyone I feel a connection with regardless of the color of their skin.

    People tend to get defensive when their beliefs are questioned so I bet you'll have quite a bit of backlash for this take. I don't think you deserve it. If people felt more comfortable asking themselves "why?" I think the world would be a better place.
    • kxera

      Hi! Thank you so much for the complement and reading! Your story is amazing! This is the case for a lot of people, and I constantly remind people that we are often fed only one type of beauty standard which doesn't fit a majority of the world. It can be really damaging to those who don't fit within. Even me personally, as a little girl, I'd be so insecure and think maybe if I were white, I'd be more accepted. Honestly, I think it's great that you questioned your own beliefs and created more opportunities for yourself. Seriously, you're awesome! I don't know many people who would question their own logic and simply create new experiences to have their own new perspective. I admire you for that, and yeah, I've had a few people accuse me of just trying to make them feel guilty for not wanting to date outside of their race.

    • RedThread

      Thanks and you're welcome. Whenever people question my beliefs, it gives me an opportunity to grow if they have some merit in what they're saying. I have a fear of being biased and a hypocrite so I'm always digging.

      Thanks again and this is a great take👍🏼

  • vishna
    Not dating someone of a different phenotype/ethnicity because that person wants their children to 'look' like them is beyond superficial and extremely stupid. The child is half theirs. Ok, so the skin may be darker or lighter, but it could have that parent's face shape, nose, eyes, eyebrows, lips, smile, height, etc. The reason is ridiculous and not even fully thought out. Because two people of the same ethnicity could get together because parent A didn't want to date X people because the children wouldn't look like parent A, then the kids come out and look exactly like parent B.

    Isolation is a personal choice that I 100% don't agree with but who cares. More diversity for everyone else. And yes, most of the time, isolation tips to straight out prejudice and racism, x girls aren't as pretty as y girls. X girls won't make good moms. Y guys aren't as big as Z guys. P people are stupid.

    But at the end of the day, more options for the people who are down for the swirl.

    www.thisiscolossal.com/.../print-7.jpg
    • kxera

      I agree. Staying within your race won't guarantee that the child will look like you except for maybe skin color. A lot of people do probably use that as an excuse to isolation themselves. Great response, thanks for reading.

    • RedThread

      I think that's the old one drop rule coming into play again. People look at skin color first and other physical features second. If someone is really pale and their child is much darker skinned they may see that as not looking like them even if that child carries all of their physical features outside of that.

    • vishna

      @RedThread It really amazes me how divided people can get over something as simple as color.

    • Show All
  • WalterRadio
    You are leaving out a very important consideration. Non-racial traits are often highly correlated with race. A person may find a certain set of personality characteristics attractive, which may end up being most commonly found among East Asians and least common among black Americans for example. A person may find another set of personality traits unattractive, which may be found most commonly with black Americans and least common among white Americans for example.

    I don't date ghetto black girls or trailer park trash white girls. There seems to be a lot of ghetto black girls. Anyone who says "aks" is out the second she says it. I don't remember the last time I ran into a TPT white girl (they are out there, I just haven't talked to one in a while). I seek out highly intelligent, sweet, slim, and feminine girls, of which there are a high percent that are Asians, mid range for whites, and few for blacks. I am happy to date black girls with those traits, and have; there are just not so many of them, making the probability of finding them low.

    The error is in thinking race is more relevant than it is, when that is often nothing more than a proxy for more substantial characteristics. It is not racist to recognize correlations with race, that is just observation.
    • kxera

      Non racial traits correlating with race are stereotypes that don't represent them. Ghetto goes with every race and you're admitting that people make assumptions about the person before they even get to know them. The media paints black women as ghetto when that's not true for the majority. If you don't like ghetto thing, then just say "I don't date ghetto girls" because by saying ghetto black girls, you're implying that most are that way. I know plenty of slim, feminine black girls. Instead of associating negative traits with races, just say you prefer non ghetto, feminine women. There's no reason to tie race to traits.

    • There are reasons to correlate traits with race, in that traits are often correlated with race.

      But first you have to think of distributions. I doubt you have had the math to be able to think in distributions.

    • We know that cat and dog breeds have behavior highly correlated with genes... yet we somehow think that genetics don't affect behavior in people at all.

    • Show All
  • Kountry_King
    As long as someone is to my standards I have no problem dating them. The only thing is I'm Liberian and I'm full of values and culture that's very important to me so if I was to have a child with someone my only fear is that my families lineage would be lost. I don't care about how the child looks its more of the identity being lost if anybody gets what I mean.
    • kxera

      I totally get what you mean. A lot of identity has been lost for various ethnic groups because of European colonization. Native American and Hawaiian culture are being pushed out so much.

    • Yeah that would make very sad knowing the culture would be gone. I got a lot of backlash because people didn't understand what I was saying because in America they talk a lot about the melting pot but I feel like it doesn't work because instead of cultures combining it's really one culture taking over while one side or others are getting lost.

    • kxera

      Yeah Americans love to call themselves a melting pot until it comes to the actual melting

  • Rawrzz
    Even if it was racist, it's a very minute form of racism. An Asian guy online was bitching about a white woman saying that she "Didn't date Asian guys." He claimed it was a type of discrimination. And sure, okay, it is, to a degree. But the only solution to this type of "discrimination", is forcing someone to date someone they do not want to date--at worst, forcing someone to have sex with someone they don't want to have sex with. Which is worse than that initial type of minute discrimination. Racism or not, who gives a fuck. The vast majority of people prefer to date within their own race, at least based on okcupid and some other dating app stats.

    It is effective to make generalizations, as well. People call me out on this at times, because I make a lot of statements on human behavior. They say "how can you say all humans are like this ---? That's a generalization." To which I respond, yes! It *is* a generalization. But it's true enough that all humans have arms that I can use the generalization that "all humans have arms." Do some humans not have arms? Absolutely. But it's true enough to use it as an effective generalization.

    In the same way, I can use the generalization "I'm not attracted to pure African/very dark skinned women" in the same way. I know this is true, because two specific body parts' color is very important to me. I didn't make it that way. It just is. I could find them somewhat aesthetically pleasing, but I will not be sexually attracted to them.

    You also have to take into account that women are a lot more centered on non-physical conceptualizations than physical appearance. Physical appearance is a lot more important to men than it is women. Women are more readily capable of ignoring physical appearance in the aims of other beneficial qualities.

    There's also the differentiation between races. Other races really actually do look relatively the same contrasted to people of your own race--or people that you grew up seeing. I challenge you to look at pictures of a Japanese person, a Korean person, and a Chinese person and try to pick out which one has which nationality. Most likely you can't, because they look very similar. You have to know what you're looking for.

    Though, this is a well constructed MyTake in contrast to the many terrible ones I've read. Pretty solid logic. Just ultimately semanticistic, in my opinion. Bordering on PC-guilt tripping.
    • lovelywiz

      japanese, korean and chinese people are actually very is to point out

    • lovelywiz

      *easy

  • abundantlyrich
    Ill tell you a story I've read from a magazine article. This indian guy married a white girl and have a daughter (no resemblance to the father) who was tan but with green eyes and brownish blonde curly hair. He said he had been accused by people that he stole this child from someone else! maybe its a good reason to have offsprings that look like them after all.
    • kxera

      That's fault on the people who accused him. We shouldn't stay within our own race solely to keep people from questioning. If we're suppose to overcome discrimination and assumptions made solely based off what we look like, we can't sit back and just isolate ourselves out of fear. Cases like this happen all the time and often people are racist and make racist remarks. We shouldn't keep up this norm of only dating within your race. The norm should be dating someone you care about. Also, dating within doesn't guarantee the child will look like either. People who stay within have children with different tones all the time.

    • Well Canada is the place to make cute babies in culturally diverse countries at least they aren't seen as weird as compared to living in a white european country.

    • Typo there

      *And is one of the culturally diverse countries

  • Chief16
    As I've said hundreds of times before, I don't have anything against preferences, but if the person takes prejudice and ignorant hatred against a particular race, then its the person who is inferior. A racist is just superstitious fool.
    I mean if he's dying and he needs blood and incidentally I have the same blood type he does, should I say 'prefer' not to save him? Because his race isn't my preference, that I'm only obligated to save who I prefer? Global stupidity this. No race is superior, its just the ridiculous stigma that people think that one race is more attractive than the other.
    • kxera

      I definitely agree that no race is superior, and like I mentioned before, it's not right to say that you'd only cater to one group. The stigma of one race being attractive was caused by colonization and enforced systematic racism. Even today, the media shapes our subconscious views by "coincidentally" usually using minorities or the darker model/actress as the "ugly" or "failed" person compared to a lighter individual.

      I agree that this belief of one group being better than another is ridiculous.

  • gigihadid
    When a man says " I don't hate Hispanic women" it simply means he would never date a woman who comes from a Hispanic background.
    I am not going to automatically assume he is harbouring prejudice, hatred or xenophobia against Hispanic women.
    The way I see it is a friendship can not blossom into love in the absence of the initial spark or instant chemistry.
    • gigihadid

      date*

    • kxera

      By saying he'd never date something still implies that there is something negative about them all, that they're all the same someway that turns him off.

    • gigihadid

      or he is attracted to blonde hair and blue eyes that most Hispanic women don't have.

  • QuestionMan
    Thanks for writing this :)
    Some people just don't get it that I only like light skinned girls.
    • kxera

      Whether you're trolling or not, thanks for visiting my take!

    • Not trolling I'm serious. I get a lot of heat for it from some Black girls on GAG

    • That's because you are acting like a racist pig. Note how this is not "the first time" this incident has occurred. Don't act ignorant.

    • Show All
  • YourFutureEx
    Everybody "could" date any person of any race. If he/she says "I don't date 'race' girls/guys". It's just a way to tell that they find YOU unattractive, not the whole race, UNLESS they're racist.
    • kxera

      If they're not attracted to you , then that's what they should say. Don't say something you don't mean. They aren't the same.

    • There are a lot of things people "should not" say, but they do.

  • thewanderingme
    Wow! first good, no great mytake on the subject. not attacking anyone, just giving actual valid points. thank you! (:
    • kxera

      Thank you for reading!

  • chintita
    interesting how 'melting pot' countries seem so un 'melting pot'-y
    • kxera

      It most definitely is interesting, but despite the U. S., for example, being a melting pot, it started off with the genocide of one race and slavery of another and put certain groups on top. Even with people of the same race, they still didn't like melting those within it bc of nationality differences. The world just needs a lot of healing!

  • Prof_Don
    For me when it comes to this topic, I am all about judging the person's character and culture, the racial component doesn't matter at all to me!
  • xXiTacoXx
    I was going to make a myTake about this, but you beat me too it. XD
    • kxera

      You could still write one if you felt that I left some stuff out. Plus a lot is just my opinion based off of fact. You could still express things from your opinion.

    • xXiTacoXx

      You covered everything I was going to mention.

  • 889889
    I mostly pref white girls for example, what's the problem? It's my personal interest.
    • kxera

      Like mentioned in the take, preference and isolation aren't the same.

    • 889889

      Hey, why do straight people only date the opposite sex, now they are isolating gay/lesbian people :(

  • Sigh101
    My wife is Russian and I am Filipino. We never give a damn what others think and that my friends is called love.
    • kxera

      I hope the best for you two. Thanks for reading!

  • Phoenix98
    Interesting take I personally have nothing against interracial dating I think it's a great thing you can learn a lot from it culturally and experience things that you otherwise would be able to in that way.

    Of course we all have our own preferences but even with that I think it's silly to not be open to being with people outside that. You only limit yourself romantically and your own happiness as you might pass up the perfect-ish partner and not even know it.

    But if you do prefer one race to another or your own race there is also nothing wrong with that, personal preferences are just one of the many things that make us human and who we are as individuals.
    • kxera

      Thanks for reading! I definitely agree with you.

      Side note: Nice hair cut!

    • Phoenix98

      You're welcome and hey thank you !.

  • Northeast106
    Racism and physical attraction are different. It's one thing to not be attracted to someone, hating them is a whole different ball game. Just like you might not be be interested in obese guys, it doesn't mean that you hate them. People need to get over race when it comes to dating, not everyone is going to want you. Some people only date outside of their race, some don't care, and others want someone of the same race. It's human nature, just like some people want an suv, and others want a 4 door sedan. Me personally, I don't care about race, and I've been rejected by both white and black women plenty of times. I mean, rejection happens in the dating world whether we like it or not. You just have to take that chance, and put yourself out there.
    • kxera

      Racism isn't about hate. You can be racist and still not hate a person. And I wouldn't call isolation nature. Lack of physical attraction can often correlate to racism. We're constantly fed certain images with specific connotations about different groups of people. We subconsciously absorb information which shapes our preferences.

      Like I mentioned in my take, sexual attraction isn't something with choose; it just happens, but people do have a tendency to ignore attraction and reject people based off of their race. If you're just not feeling anything towards someone then that's one thing, but making color the only thing that causes you to reject another is a completely different thing because the color rejection is based off of some type of internalized prejudice.

    • Racism is usually hate, fear and distrust, or a sense of superiority. I think we are quick to assume everything is racist these days. I agree with you though, if you are intentionally ignoring attraction and rejecting others cause of race, then yes that is racism.

  • TimTim56
    It's just another appearance preference I guess. I personally have a few body types that I like but other than that I don't have any particular physical traits I love
  • Pampered
    I've never experienced anyone not wanting to date me because of my race or skin color, mostly because I'm white-skinned (Latina), with a "proper" sounding white girl accent. I'm a fourth generation American so really have no close ties to my past. I can sympathize with (particularly white) guys not wanting you because you're darker or "ghetto" sounding, but then again it is what THEY are sexually attracted to. You can't criticize or dictate what makes their penis erect. It kind of reminds me of the whole liberal body acceptance movement, where men are forced to endure overweight women and find them attractive, or else they're deemed as intolerant and sexist, or in your case, intolerant and racist. It's nonsense.
  • TheFlak36
    I see what you're trying to do here. Another one who wants to make people feel guilty for dating within their race and preserve their beautiful identity.
    Your declaimer is full of shit.
  • ColinHarvey
    There's preferences and attractions, and there are deal breakers, I think. Personally,

    Preference: Arabic women, Blond women, Ugandan women.

    Attractions: green eyes, German accent, obsessive

    Deal breakers: has a penis, believes in astrology, has a boyfriend, is fat.

    Preferences are things that you know you look for in a partner. That is not to say you wouldn't date anyone else. Attractions are thing that you notice stand out in previous partners that you like. But perhaps you don't actively seek them like you would a preference. Deal breakers are Things that you are not willing to bend on. Race can be one of these.
  • cth96190
    I am not interested in females who are not of my race.
    Since my mid teens I have been hit on females of other races, but I am not interested.
    During my teens and 20s I was in a surreal situation, in which I could almost not get a date with females of my own race, but women of other races were almost putting their hands down my pants.
    That situation changed after about 30, when the females of my race emerged from the fog of the bad-boy phase and began to be interested in the males who were too 'boring', or not 'fun' enough for them when they were 20.
    Even at my somewhat advanced age (compared with most of the posters in this place), I am still the target of sexual interest by females of other races.
    My response is still the same: I am not interested.
    I have perfected the art of pretending to not notice sexual behaviours/offers by women.
  • Jersey2
    Another "commercial" for dating outside of ones race... give it up, it isn't your business.
  • Sixgun77
    Dark or even really tan skin is a boner killer. That's it, plain and simple.
  • IceEverest
    Very Great take... Interesting points.
    • kxera

      Thank you for reading! I glad you found the points interesting.

    • IceEverest

      Yeah, Welcome...

  • Anonymous
    If a man won't date black or Asian girl. I wouldn't call him racist or anything it's his life, he do what he want really
  • Anonymous
    I like your Take, your points are good.

    I'm attracted to guys from a certain race and that is going to ruin my life and it only brings me problems. It's horrible!
    I wish I wasn't attracted to them at all...
    I don't think I'm isolating myself, I just think I'm attracted to the wrong type of people.
    • kxera

      Thank you for reading! Why don't you surround yourself with a more diverse group of people and look for the beauty in different groups.

    • Anonymous

      You're welcome!

      Unfortunately I live in a country where there's not much diversity and the majority of people I know belong to one group... So, maybe I have to wait until I'm able to move to another country.

    • kxera

      What country are you in, and even if you can't surround yourself with more people now, it's great that you're trying. Maybe you could get a few penpals.

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  • Anonymous
    isolation is okay. Nobody needs to have a good reason to date you.
  • Anonymous
    I don't care if it's racist or not but I will not date black and arabic people
    • Prof_Don

      I'm a black guy and I'm very much not like the negative stereotypes... have u had bad experiences dating black men or seeing people u know date black men?

    • Anonymous

      @Prof_Don I'm just don't attract to them physically, I'm friend with some black guy, I don't have any problem with them. I don't find them attractive. For arabic guy, I don't find them attractive and I don't like their personality, they are too loud and always complain about everything so

    • Prof_Don

      Not all arabic guys are chronic complainers, I've met quite a few arabic guys and I don't know where u got this cultural idea from! :-P

      As in not being attracted to black guys sexually, that is something that cannot be helped. I don't fault you for that. :)

    • Show All
  • Anonymous
    You made some very good points!
    • kxera

      Thank you for reading! I glad you found the points to be good ones.

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