The Plight Of An Older Male Virgin

[Anonymous]

Over the past few weeks, I have been seeing the following posts from men and women on this site:

I am dating a 30+ guy, but I found out he is still a virgin

My friend is in his late 20s, and he is still a virgin

I am in my 30s, and I have never had sex

Those are the kind of posts I have been reading over the past few weeks, and the responses are sometimes supportive, but a lot of them are negative. It seems that society itself has a problem with men being older virgins.

When it comes to love and relationships, being a man is not easy. Why is that?

1. Women have all the power. They decide which guys will be able to sleep with them, which guys will be able to date them, etc, etc.

2. Women are more desireable than men. A woman just needs to look good, and she will have a lot of men swooning over her. With that being said, it is easier fo women to meet men, get into relationships and have a lot of sex. This is not the case for men.

3. Men have to do much more to attract a woman. Men need to have a certain style, certain personality/characteristics, a good job, good communication skills, intelligence, able to show dominance, etc, etc, etc. A lot of women have different prerequisites when it comes to men. Basically... a man who has money, has status in the community and is an effective communicator and leadership skills will have no problem getting sex (look at ceelbrities, for example).

If that's not bad enough, men are placed in 2 categories by society:

Mr. Thirsty:

If a man goes out looking for sex, talks to a woman and gets laid often... he is looked at as thirsty. As a result, this guy must be perverted, he is just like every other guy and he only thinks about sex and nothing else. This is how women typically look at men. A lot (not all) women think that if a man is talking to him, it must be to get laid. As a result, this makes men look bad.

The Creeper:

Most people assume that by age of at least 25, a man would have already had sex. If a man hasn't had sex by this time, something must be wrong with him. Women will typically start to wonder why you haven't had sex yet and a lot of them (not all) won't want to have sex with you... because their thought process is, "well, if other women don't want to have sex with him... why should I? There must be a good reason why women won't have sex with him."

Reasons Why Men Might Be Older Virgins:

Focused On Career Goals:

Let's face it... women can be a distraction and taking women out can cost a lot of money. There are men out there that actually care about their career, their finances and want the best for themselves. If a man is totally immersed in life and his mission, he is not going to focus on women and will most likely wait for the RIGHT WOMAN to come along... someone who shares the same goals as him.

Standards:

Yes, men do have standards! First of all, getting sex is a numbers game. If you talk to 30, random woman and you are not focusing on the quality of the women, you can probably get a few of them to have sex with you.That's the truth.

I have this one friend who has had sex with a lot of women and he gets laid once a week. When he shows me pictures of the women he has had sex with, they aren't very attractive or high quality women. He just likes to have sex and goes after what he can get at that time.

There are some men who are still virgins, because they don't go for the lower quality women that they can most likely have sex with. The men with standards try to go after women who they actually find attractive and are of higher quality... or their "dream girl"

For example (again... just an example)... a man who likes to go after quality women may try to get a woman like this in bed:

A woman who works out, has a nice body, nice face, is very adventurous, likes to have fun, is college educated and has a career. Okay... these are my key points for a dream woman XD XD... but you get the idea. If a guy continously tries topursue women who fit their "dream girl" and keeps striking out over and over and over again with these high quality women, they obviously won't get laid. However... a man with standards won't go after the women that are currently available to him (the lower quality women) and will contiue to try to get the higher quality women.

Too Shy To Meet Women

A man can be highly successful, has the looks, money and the status... but is stunting his own success with women by being shy. I know a lot of men out there who have good qualities, are smart, have great careers... but they are shy and reclusive. Since these guys are missing the "social skills", they have a hard time getting laid.

Why Should It Matter If A Man Is A Virgin?

Based on everything I said above, what does it matter if a man is a virgin? Each man has his own reasons.

Also... think about it this way - would you want a man who has had sex with a bunch of low quality women and doesn't car what kind of women he sleeps with? ... Or would you rather have sex with a man who has never had sex, might be inexperienced, but you can teach him to be 100% in tune with your body and needs?

[tyber1]

Women complain about being slut shamed but at least they have an option to just not have sex. Most men can't just decide he's going to have sex. Women at least have a choice in their stigma. They can get sex easy and they can turn it down even easier.

[myTake Owner]

Precisely

[BuchitaBuchys]

Men can get sex too if they lowered their standards.

[tyber1]

@BuchitaBuchys they'd have to lower them pretty far. I know guys who do that. From what I have seen, the results are rarely worth it.

[BuchitaBuchys]

"Results are rarely worth it", I don't think so because of all the bitching men do.

[tyber1]

I mean yeah any guy whose willing to have sex with someone who does heavy drugs, looks like a blimp, is mentally unstable, or has had more than one abortion could easily get laid but is that even worth it? At that point you just have no self respect. It's not as though we just need to lower our standards a little to get laid, if a guy really wants to get laid with the same ease that a girl could he would need to lower his standards to the point that his partners were disgusting or scummy. Girls do NOT need to lower their standards very much to guarantee sex.

[tyber1]

@BuchitaBuchys if they thought having sex with those types of women was worth it they wouldn't be complaining, they'd be having sex. They aren't, so what does that say?

[BuchitaBuchys]

But you're assuming that just because we don't have to lower our standards as much, that our sex is guaranteed to be satisfying and "worth it". It's not. For men, it's worth it because unless she stops you, you just have to insert and penetrate to cum. Just penetration alone doesn't guarantee good sex or that she'd be satisfied.

[tyber1]

@BuchitaBuchys that's a different issue entirely. I agree with you about it being harder for a woman to know that she's going to be satisfied and while that's regrettable it's also not something either sex can really do much about (beyond men trying to be better lovers, which I do). The stigma that virgin men are less manly may have roots in both genders but ultimately guys don't care as much about what other guys think so much as what women think. Women don't want to be with sexually inexperienced men. The reasoning is understandable but the effect is a stigma against virgin men, who after a certain point wind up getting trapped in a vicious cycle of not being able to get sexual experience because they lack sexual experience. It is difficult for a man to try to get more sexual experience whereas it's easy for a woman to close her legs and avoid being slut shamed. One involves making a clear choice, the other involves hard work, patience and more confidence than most people have.

[BuchitaBuchys]

So women should just ignore their sexual desires because people can't stop judging them? Interesting... As I said, virgin men don't HAVE to remain virgins. I feel it's equal choice for both. But they have high standards and expectations, if they lowered them, they could avoid the stigma as well.

[tyber1]

@BuchitaBuchys I would argue that they don't have high expectations or standards, just that they aren't in the toilet either. It's definitely not an equal choice for both. Women get to decide who they sleep with, men get to decide to TRY to find someone who will sleep with them. I'm not suggesting right now that women ignore their desires or follow through with them, only that they have the power to directly make that choice. Guys do not. Guys only have the power to try.

[BuchitaBuchys]

They do have the choice though.

[tyber1]

@BuchitaBuchys having the ability to try is not the same as having a choice, it's the opposite. The other person is making the choice. And as I mentioned, the deck is stacked.

[Satisfyd]

Real simple. So many studies have proven this. At age 52 if I go out looking to have sex with an average women without paying my chances are about 0. If a woman goes out for same her chances are almost 100%. Hell I'd be lucky if any women would even be willing to speak to me. I'm married 30 years but been turned down probably a couple hundred times before I met my wife and that was just trying to start a conversation. Women want men with experience but don't give us much opportunity to learn.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Of the 2 options you gave in the end, I am equally turned off by both of them.

Also, why give women so much power? A lot of men act like it's the most grand thing in the world to get sex. Stop. Putting. Pussy. On. A. Pedestal.

[myTake Owner]

You're turned off by men who have standards?

[BuchitaBuchys]

Not that. I'm turned off by virgins. I'm equally turned off by promiscuity.

[myTake Owner]

Ah. Got it. I understand being turned off by promiscuity... but what turns you off about virgins?

[BuchitaBuchys]

Bad sex.

[myTake Owner]

But what if a guy had sex a few times? Wouldn't the sex still be bad?

[BuchitaBuchys]

Look, if it's a virgin guy, a guy who's had sex with 1 or 2 women in relationships, and a guy who just has casual sex, my first pick is the 2nd guy. The one who's had sex in relationships. The other 2, I'd never actively pursue.

[xxcchhllaauu]

are you a size queen ?

[BuchitaBuchys]

@xxcchhllaauu size peasant lol I prefer small or average sizes. I don't like big.

[abundantlyrich]

A big penis doesn't scream TALENT

[Rawrzz]

Guys will never not do that. Even if all men in the world attempted to drop pussy value by developing higher standards, the instant that happened, women would become more aggressive and men would fold like a poker player with 7-2. Just thought: women are often said to have too high standards; men are often said to have too low standards. Maybe meeting in the middle would possibly be possible. Although it would take some characteristic individual to blow up and influence millions of people.

[Rawrzz]

Totally correct. On the money on this post, I think. Especially the part "Women will think 'well if other women didn't want him, he must not be worth anything.' " That's exactly how female minds work, sub/consciously. This is also shown that males who are in relationships get hit on more than when they're not in a relationship. Women look and think "Wow, he got a woman that hot? He must really be worth something. I want him."

I'd also add in the difference in value between men and women. On the 1-10 value scale a woman who is a 6 is not equal to a man who is a 6. She is worth an 8, and will often think she's worth an 11. This leads to average men only being capable of pulling below average women. All stemming from social and biological perceptions of women, women being the more valuable biological gender + occupation and accomplishment value. The only value a man has is that which he obtains through occupation and accomplishment. However, women have that + innate biological value.

Further, as you've stated, women are judged based on their appearance. With cosmetic tools, they can increase their perceived attractiveness level, further boosting their own value. The result is that that woman who was a 6 is no longer equal to an 8: she's equal to a 9. In essence, men are fucked.

I've gotten lucky a time or two and gone out with chicks who were waaaaaay beyond my league, though. Or maybe I underestimate myself. But, I do think there are exceptions, but what I've stated above is the general rule.

Though, I don't know if I'd agree with the implicit statement that any guy who isn't a virgin by 25 has lowered his standards to get shitty women. I never lowered my standards. I only slept with chicks that I liked and was attracted to.

This picture basically explains the dating game, in my opinion.
images.duckduckgo.com/.../

[LittleSally]

It doesn't matter. Everyone can be a virgin - it's something that happens. Not a huge deal, but some people may wonder how it happened - maybe that's a stranger story than the fact that it just didn't happen.
But it's funny when men use the word 'pursue' - if they've never asked out a girl. they aren't pursuing her. xD

[Relentless_Hippie]

I didn't read the take but I think it's sweet if a man is a virgin. It's a beautiful thing and the most preferred in my eyes.

[myTake Owner]

Are you a virgin?

[Relentless_Hippie]

My boyfriend is actually my first and we plan on getting married. He is extremely inexperienced but I wasn't his first and it saddens me at times. He was only with two other people each just one time and it was way back when he was a kid. He regrets being with them and considers me his first because it's meaningful but I still wish at times I was actually his first just as he is mine.

[Bluemax]

What is a "low quality" woman in your opinion?

Why are you having sex with women you aren't attracted to?

Do you yourself meet the criteria that you set for women that you would be attracted to?

[hazoplmeught]

how old or at least around what age are you?

[myTake Owner]

Lol... I'm not a virgin anymore. I am 25, I lost mine last year. I stopped trying to go after quality women and settled for women who were of lower quality... and now I have no trouble getting laid... but it's with women I'm not really attracted to.

[bloodmountain1990]

So in other words, you're just settling?

[myTake Owner]

@bloodmountain1990 Pretty much. If you chase after women that will never be attracted to you, you are just setting yourself up for failure

[bloodmountain1990]

Well that's why you gotta keep trying until you find one. It's a numbers game. It's not about how many reject you but the ones who do say yes. I can't even count how many times I've been rejected but it's a part of the process. Setting yourself up for failure is saying one's own thought that no one will ever like them. As far as settling goes, been there, done that and it does nothing for me. It's a waste of time and doesn't make me happier. That's just me though.

[theus]

I was 22 when decided to finally lose my virginity. I have always be a somewhat attractive guy. I wasn't anti social at the time either. Men have to learn how to pursue women. Women have to look cute an pick the guy they want to date. When a man is a virgin into his early twenties he has made a commitment to being a virgin. I had plenty of opportunities to lose my virginity even before I was twenty. I was determined not to fall in love with my first. Well I didn't fall in love with her but we will forever remain close. I lost my virginity to a woman who had much more experience than me. It would have been nice to have meet a virgin and lost ours together but that didn't happen. However I am a better lover because of my first partner. I knew I would enjoy having sex. I never understood how addictive sex truly was until I lost my virginity. I went on to have some wonderful relationships and learn so much more about pleasing women.
Women there are some unknown benefits to de-virginizing a man. A man who has never had sex does not have any STD's. He can also be molded into your perfect lover. Virgin guys are more determined to please. He may even be a natural without any experience. He will probably want a relationship at some point. A man who is an older virgin will definitely appreciate you for taking him.
You will be sharing a moment with the guys not other woman will be able to share with him. Depending on the situation it could be highly erotic.. You will be able to watch a man lose his innocence inside of you. You will also be able to see his reaction as he feels the warmth of a woman for the first time.. I am told that feeling is incredibly empowering.. There is nothing that can compare to the warmth and relaxation of being inside of a woman. Feeling that for the first time is incredible. The only thing more erotic than the initial embrace is the release inside of her warmth.
All men do not cum quick the first time we have sex. I didn't cum at all until I had sex a few times. I was too nervous. Some older virgins may have prepared themselves by reading a few books to understand sex better. Experience will always make a man a better lover but he might not be bad his first time.. I would keep in mind you may be passing up a wonderful opportunity.. I will also say you have nothing to lose if he isn't incredible the first time. He will probably get better in time. I would also imagine that you have had bad sex with experienced guys as well.

[Bluefish]

It should matter when it was not his choice and for a lot of older male virgins that rings true. Women don't need to do much to get laid but for some men it can be a huge mountain to climb and in a few cases can be an impossible mountain.

[myTake Owner]

Very true

[NenaLinda18]

To me it doesn't matter it would actually be a refresher for me. I also like the idea of him being pure and hoping that oneday he would make me the first person and hopefully only person he has ever been with. I kinda want to be with a virgin.

[myTake Owner]

Are you a virgin?

[NenaLinda18]

No although I feel like one... I haven't had sex in a really long time.

[myTake Owner]

Lol... then that wouldn't be fair to him XD XD! Anyway... when is the last time you had sex and how many partners? Just curious.

[NenaLinda18]

3Years ago will be 4years come this summer. and three people

[NenaLinda18]

How wouldn't it be fair?

[cth96190]

I have not been with a woman for almost 15 years. I wonder if that makes me a born-again virgin?

[ConsultantIsBack]

Let's be real, older virgin guy chances are (altho, not 100%) that he's got some social-personality issues. I mean, let's just be brutally honest here.
Same goes for older virgin girls too tho!

[Scrambledagain]

Women don't believe in this, they don't live in this world. I would say, go get a prostitute but you would be shunned by women anyway like you have a choice. There are tons of male virgins (not by choice... incels).

[myTake Owner]

"There are tons of male virgins (not by choice... incels)." That's very true. There's a lot more reasons for male virginity. I am curious to see what other responses I will get.

[loosekunt]

Being a Virgin at my age is not ideal

[skeptic007]

can I ask all the older virgins a question why do you care what anyone thinks of the girl you are with

think about!!!
look when I was in high school I would only hook up with skinny girls that's it
but there where some bigger girls I liked but I never really said anything cause of the stigma of ohh she is a big girl, ohh that's nasty, eventually I realized fuck what they think, they can say whatever the fuck they want I'm pulling girls there not, there standing in a corner talking about how there gonna get the HOTTEST GIRL EVER lol guess what it's been years there not getting shit
they can barely get laid,
I've had sex thousands of times

my advice find a girl you actually like, I'm not talking about her looks that she has to be this model girl just find a girl you actually like and FUCK HER ALREADY YOU DUMBASSES

[killerboots]

That's exactly what I'm saying. Took the words right out of my mouth. I think most guys like big girls but they won't admit it publicly. And I think of it like this, big girls are still females and they gonna gossip about your sex game. If it gets out there with good results, then other women are want to find out what's the fuss about and that's when you have them in the palm of your hand.

[skeptic007]

@killerboots up word gets around especially if you are good at sex

[hazoplmeught]

@killerboots "most guys like big girls" i dnt know about that

[killerboots]

@hazoplmeught well you might not be in the most but I used to see it all the time at my old job

[hazoplmeught]

@killerboots i thought guys just settled for big girls, everyone has their own type and i understand that. But a lot of guys dont like that.

[skeptic007]

@hazoplmeught yeah my friend doesn't like big girls, he goes out with twigs at least that's what i call them lol, but I mean I like skinny girls also I was with one last year, but OMG I hate when they sit on my lap lol

[Silver119]

Well, that's a load of rubbish tbh

[myTake Owner]

What's rubbish?

[Silver119]

the take

[myTake Owner]

How so?

[Silver119]

Well, first you say that women hold all the power, but that's not true. So many girls these days complain about "fuckboys" or players who mess with their heads then leave causing women to have their guard up if a guy so much as says "hello". If anything that shows that Men hold the power. Historically we always have. I'll agree with you on the standards bit that is a contributing factor to not getting laid. As is shyness, the saying "Shy kids don't get sweets" springs to mind. Women aren't more desireable than men. Attraction is subjective and it's been proven that both women and men like sex just as much as each other. It's just that women tend to be more reserved than men, dropping subtle signals rather than being forward. This is why it's mostly men that approach women and not the other way around.

[Silver119]

The part about personality traits and status isn't accurate either. I've had friends who got girls/relationships easily and they were fat, worked minimum wage jobs , played video games and were generally geeky, quiet and still lived at home. Myself, I'm a mature student (so I have a crap job and not a lot of money) who keeps to himself and I'm pretty average looking, I still get female attention. And as a further example, the 1st girl I slept with wanted me because she found out I was a virgin at the time. The only reasons why guys are older virgins is because they don't know how to act on the signals women give out when they find them attractive.

[Anonymous]

U could say porn acts like a life support for many of us older virgins XD

[Anonymous]

I'll be blunt... whoever's older than 20 and a virgin... he's a virgin by choice then...

Unless prostitution's illegal in yer country... there's NO other excuse to be a virgin... NO... OTHER... EXCUSE...

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's all true, I have the some of these problems... shyness, unrequited love, lack of self-confidence, missing the social skills...

[Anonymous]

if she is a hoe that will red flag me for being a V i will reject her first int he first place. cause she is simply not the type of person i want to spent my life with... .

[Anonymous]

Given that I'm a virgin, I expect that my future lover to be virgin as well... or at least married to me and genuinely remorseful of previous sexual contact.

[Rawrzz]

"Remorseful of previous sexual contact." That's fucking hilarious. xD

[Anonymous]

So, of all the reasons you mentioned, which ones were your top reasons for not having sex until 25?

[myTake Owner]

I actually lost my virginity at 24. Why? -In high school, only low quality women liked me. Women who were drug users, always in trouble, were out of shape, had low self-esteem... etc. I could of lost it in high school many times to these women... but I wanted to meet women who were of a higher quality. -I didn't have fun in college. I worked 3 jobs and went to school. Didn't have time to meet women -At 24... I got tired of being a virgin and fucked some random, out of shape woman I met at a club.. Then I had sex again with some other random, low quality woman who always constantly stated that men were never attracted to her.

[Opinion Owner]

What are your qualities, and what kind of qualities are you looking for in women?

[Opinion Owner]

I personally wouldn't give a second thought about a guy being a virgin. Maybe even like it.

[myTake Owner]

-I am college educated. I have a Bachelors degree and may go for my Masters soon -I am a Project Manager for a web development firm and I take my career seriously -I have another side business in regards to making comics and writing -I love to work out... and I also take yoga and boxing classes -I like fashion and enjoy looking nice and don't mind wearing suits/ties. I occasionally wear blazers -I like to read, write, workout, see movies, explore new places, take random walks downtown, go to concerts, go to bars/lounges (sometimes) or stay inside and watch all my favorite TV shows

[myTake Owner]

What do I look for in a woman: -Intelligence - someone who is also college educated -Someone who enjoys working out and is in shape (I tend to like curvy, fit women). -Height doesn't matter -Race doesn't matter -A woman who is focused on bettering themselves and is working towards something -A woman who knows how to dress and looks presentable -Doesn't smoke or do drugs -A woman who enjoys similar activities (read, write, workout, see movies, explore new places, take random walks downtown, go to concerts, go to bars/lounges (sometimes) or stay inside and watch all my favorite TV shows)

[myTake Owner]

Here are the women that keep gravitating towards me (low quality women): -Women who in their early 20s with a couple of kids from a different couple of guys -Women who are not in college and have no plans on going to college -Women who have very low self-esteem always ask me if I find them attractive -Women who are ghetto/trashy -Women who smoke weed, cigars and complain about life -Women who are severely out of shape and have no plans on going to gym or being healthy Those are women that I find as low quality, and these are typically the women that seem to very attracted to me.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, your expectations sound reasonable and you seem like a fun guy. What are your favorite TV shows? How old are you now? What are you studying in college? Where do you live? I might know some acceptable girls that I could set you up with.

[Opinion Owner]

P. s. women usually ask the "am I attractive" question from different people for different reasons. I wouldn't blame them for that. Just keep saying you look great. No matter what. Unless it borders on the unusual.

[fiodor99]

set him up? who are you? the blind date show frontwoman? lol.

[Opinion Owner]

@fiodor99 you sound like any women's dream guy. But maybe it's your rude jokes. Because I have multiple times more qualities than what you are looking for, and even if I weren't married, if a guy made a statement like your last post, I would have slapped him and walked off, catch or no catch. Maybe you think you are such a catch because of your qualities, that you feel you don't need to respect women, which is why you end up with the respectable ones. I knew a guy like you when I was single. He was actually my first date. We were coworkers. He was a very successful, smart electronics engineer and made the most money in our firm. I was just on my way to falling in love with him, and he suddenly made this terribly rude remark. I never spoke with him again. He actually thought he could do whatever he wanted because he was such a catch. He is 51 years old now, and still single.

[Opinion Owner]

Correction you end up with the "unrespectable" ones. Darn autocorrect...

[fiodor99]

and you sound mental, have zero social acuteness, completely missed my point and my joking vibe, and... sound boring overall. yeah i bet the guy is single by the way. its the smartest thing to do. there are so many young, tender, fresh babes, tight and freshly baked right from the oven, willing to sleep with my old bolding ass. why waste it with a shaggy, semi-hysteric, far past her prime, deeply insecure wife like you that lost her edge and even have to pay for vagimony one day. marriage is only for poor-middle income beta losers with no game... . they eat the leftovers we feed them cause when you dont appeal anymore to us you necessarily crawl to them... .

[Opinion Owner]

@fiodor99 wow! You certainly practice what you preach. You won't be getting any anytime soon with this attitude.