My brother is 25. And he is still a virgin. He doesn't hide this fact nor is he ashamed of it. And he's never been in any rush to lose it or see doing such as important. He's not preoccupied with his virginity or concerned about when he'll give it up - he basically has the attitude that it'll go when the time comes. I can say that I've always admired this about him, and admired him not caring a big deal about sex.
But other adult male virgins aren't so secure in their virginity, and I can understand why really. To be honest, I've really never known any adult virgins other than my brother. It could be that some guys I've known were virgins and I didn't know it, but I'm pretty sure based on the things that came out of their mouths and their behavior like the rest of us that they certainly weren't. So I've mostly just heard about adult male virgins but never known any, and I see them often on social networking sites like these. So I dedicate this as a special Take to you guys.
Although some people try to say that adult female virgins are scrutinized and ridiculed the most, that's really not true. Sure, they get called "prudes" and are expected to fuck because everyone's doing it, but still not to the extent of ridicule on virgin guys. Male virginity in adulthood is still seen as the bigger joke. Most people see it as more normal - or even attractive - for a woman to have little or no sexual experience even if she's an adult, but expect most guys to have already been around the block, back, and again. And there are plenty of those, but also guys who've never done it. I can understand why an adult virgin would try to hide it or be ashamed of it when people are gonna joke about why they think he's still celibate.
There are even studies these days trying to show that there are more virgin guys than virgin girls, and a lot of guys these days are thinking it's true. It's like popular culture and science is trying to in some way reduce male prowess and desperately prove that women are sexually superior or something.
If a guy is in his 20s or even 30s and has never had sex, most people have the ignorant, cliche idea that it's either because he's "afraid to talk to women," still "living in his mom's basement," or is in some way unable to get laid, when many times male virgins in adulthood are struggling with confusion and conflict from what I've learned talking to them: they want to give it up but are afraid of making a mistake; they want to give it up but were raised to wait until marriage and think they should; or they want to give it up but are worried it will be with the wrong girl or at the wrong time. And other times the guy really hasn't thought about a need to have sex until somebody said it should matter to him. Lacking confidence or being scared of talking to women is actually the case very little of the time. Many a time a man has lost his virginity through easy sex, and regretted it. People tend to think only women are emotional and conscientious about having sex for the first time and with who, but many guys feel the same way. There can be guilt or uneasiness about it.
Females also pretend they're not part of the stigmatization of male virginity, when they can actually be some of the worst people to criticize and joke about it. Females try to act like they're not involved in how male virgins are jeered at, saying it's guys who do that to each other, and pretending that a guy's virginity doesn't matter to them, but females are actually very much apart of the stigmatization. And they often have ignorant ideas that just because a guy is really horny and even expressive about it and what he's into that it must mean he's a virgin who's just desperate to get laid with a girl who will help him out. Some are like that, but most virgin guys generally do not make it known how much they want to have sex, so the desperate virgin scenario is more often a mythical stereotype.
Many females also act as if they think it's "sweet" that a guy wants to wait or isn't anxious to give it up, but even women eventually want sex with a guy and don't want to wait anymore. So it's convenient if he's not in a rush - if it's what she's comfortable with on her time - but if his desire to wait exceeds her patience, then it's not so sweet anymore. This is a reality that most women don't really admit to.
The bad-in-bed theory...
Male virgins are also thought to be less desirable because of having no sexual experience or because of the idea that he's automatically going to be bad in bed the first time, while women virgins are usually seen as a perfect treat in the sheets. This is the difference in criticism towards male and female virgins. It comes down to an issue of experience.
Although a lot of women who have already had sex say it doesn't matter if a guy they meet is a virgin, it still does matter to a lot of other women. Just like how a virgin female is a novelty for some sexually experienced men, a non-virgin man is also a novelty for sexually experienced women. A virgin woman is still seen as sexy or desirable even if she has no experience, but a virgin guy is seen as less desirable for a woman because he "will cum quick" or "be awkward."
You even have women going on other sites asking how they can find out if a guy is a virgin! Particularly about a guy they're in a relationship with. They're so afraid of being with one they think will be awkward in bed that they're actually trying to find out! Needless to say most sites that answer say you really can't know if a guy is a virgin. One site I saw said you can tell if he's cautious about undressing a girl, doesn't know how to kiss, or isn't sure what to do to get started. How cliche! Lol. But even those authors admitted those aren't definite clues to a guy's virginity.
Sexually experienced women who don't want virgin men often don't think about the fact that although his first time with her may not be perfect, it improves after that. Nor does she consider that her having experience hasn't necessarily made her great in bed either, it just means she's seen a penis and has experience with it but is really just mediocre at best with guys in bed. What you don't often hear about are actually common cases where a woman who's been having sex since she was 18 or younger, had sex with an adult male virgin who actually went on to being better at sex than she is. And this is because things learned and experienced in adulthood often have a tendency to be executed better because the adult mind has a better grasp on it. He also may find out what his likes and needs are pretty quickly, that a more experienced woman isn't providing or may not be able to provide. Some sexually experienced women really are good in bed and learned from their experiences, but others aren't.
But just like sexual experience being more desirable in men, there are also guys who want a sexually experienced woman too. Again, it doesn't promise quality in bed. A woman who has sucked 8 or 10 dicks in her life often prides herself on "never having any complaints," when those guys were happy with it just because they still managed to cum, even though it could've been better. Or she gives decent head, but still not able to deepthroat like some other guys want or need. So on a flipside a less sexually experienced woman - or even a virgin one - can actually turn out to be very good in bed or can deepthroat when she didn't even know she could until she did it the first time.
What I do always wonder about women who have sexual experience and wouldn't want to date or sleep with a virgin guy is: if the guy lost it to some other woman and you found out later, would you want to sleep with him now that he's gained the experience?
I think that's a good question.
So I have come to understand why being a virgin in adulthood bothers those guys, yeah. They feel bad when they know the rest of us around them are already doing it. They feel bed when a woman wouldn't be interested in them because they're virgin. And they feel bad when a woman they might like has already had sex and especially with a number of guys compared to him. They feel like they can't compare or won't be very good for her in bed.
The easy answer I could give is for them to just go out and get it over with already with a girl, but might not be what he wants. But I would tell a virgin guy to lose it with somebody he would really be into and feels a connection with even if she has had sex before you. Just don't let it bother you as long as she's not bothered by it. Move through it one step at a time.
Although I really hate using all the overused New Age, pop cult, Nazi-like, Caucasian college student terms like 'slut-shaming,' I suppose you could coin the term 'virgin-shaming' too. Both slut-shaming and virgin-shaming share similar abuse: a girl who sleeps around gets downed for it, but a guy who hasn't slept around at all gets downed too. Though one difference is that Hollywood doesn't make movies about sexually liberated women, but can make ones like The 40 Year-Old Virgin or others that revolve around overdone, stereotypes of shy, klutzy, geeky, virgin guys.
And honestly? At the end of the day, can't we just respect people? Why the hell does it matter if some guy has never used his dick? And does it really mean he's of any lesser value for not using it? These are the popular negative thought-processes of society that we really.....just......need to get over already.