A Compilation of the Best (Worst) Pickup Lines I Have Heard

RJGraveyTrain

Hello G@G...

WAIT! PAUSE! ALERT: A PSA FOR PENIS IS IN THE WORKS, I WORKED A 7 DAY WORK WEEK THOUGH AND ONLY HAD SOME EXTRA TIME AT WORK TO PUMP THIS OUT BUT IT’S COMING DON’T HATE ME AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

A Compilation of the Best (Worst) Pickup Lines I Have Heard

Ehem … back on track: hello G@G! For those of you who don’t know, I work at an office as a receptionist, but to help save up a little extra money, I also got a part-time job as a wine merchant. For those of you who don’t know what a wine merchant is or does, they are basically a wine salesperson who spends a lot of their time offering you samples and giving you suggestions on what wines to pair with your occasion (low key we are trained to upsell the shit out of you). Now, at my particular store, 90% of our job is standing outside of the doors with a trolley and a tray with small little wine samples that we prompt mall-patrons to pause and try in the hopes of getting you to buy the featured wines on the trolley. But given that I live in the GTA, the mall where I work isn’t exactly … upscale. Not that there aren’t upscale malls here, but let’s just say not all of them are.

A Compilation of the Best (Worst) Pickup Lines I Have Heard

Since I have been working there I have heard some of the most disgusting, cringe-worthy, awkward yet creature pickup lines and attempts of my life, all directed towards me as I work my particular shift alone. Here is a compilation of pickup lines (from bad to worse) gents have attempted to use on me in the past month and a half. I hope you get a kick out of it, and yes, these are 100% true.


1) “Hey, how tall are you? 5’2”? Great, I love little girls.”

2) “Did you dye your hair like that to get attention? Because it’s working.”

3) “No, I don’t have ID … shit … well can I still get your number? I promise I’m not under 18. I mean 19.”



4) “I don’t need anything other than this today … except maybe somebody to drink it with. When do you get off work? We could enjoy it together.”

A Compilation of the Best (Worst) Pickup Lines I Have Heard

(What made this bad was this guy had three children with him and looked to be about in his 50’s)

5) “Hey … I know why you dyed your hair like that now. It’s because you’re a phoenix: you rise from the ashes.” (After having been asked 100 questions about my life while trying to get this guy to buy a bottle of wine that I’m 100% sure he didn’t want)

6) “I don’t drink wine, I just thought if I bought something that maybe you’d start to like me.”



7) “I’d like to pay you to walk around the mall with me … No, I’m being serious. You’re very beautiful and I’m willing to pay you well.”


(I'm not fucking joking)

8) “Hey ma, I like it … you like coloured guys snow bunny?” (Only the ones who don't call me snow bunny)

9) “I don’t feel like tasting any wine, I’d rather taste you. You look way tastier.”

10) “I am not here to try your alcohol I just wanted to tell you that God created you perfectly because you are a blessed angel.” (This was kinda sweet actually. Over the top but sweet and well-intended at least)

11) “How much do they pay you here? I could take care of you, you know … if you’re into that.”

13) “You’re a pretty young lady, would you like not pretty old men too?”

14) “Hey, it’s the security guard who got that stolen bottle back for your store. I took your number from the records. You’re really cute. ;)"

A Compilation of the Best (Worst) Pickup Lines I Have Heard

(Via text and I am paraphrasing a whole paragraph here but I would like to say that this situation has been dealt with and this security guard DID get in trouble for this)

15) “You burn? Smoke weed? You look like you do. You look like you’d be into kinky stuff too.”

A Compilation of the Best (Worst) Pickup Lines I Have Heard

So that's all I have for some of the weirdest pickup lines I have heard as a wine merchant. I mean not to #creepshame I mean only to share my awkward experiences with you in the hopes that you get some kind of sick kick out of it. I hope you guys all have yourself a great week and I'll see you in the next one.

A Compilation of the Best (Worst) Pickup Lines I Have Heard
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Most Helpful Girl

  • redeyemindtricks
    Girrrr-llll!
    If you are half as sharp and 1/4 as irreverent irl as you are on here, I bet you had some pretty awesome comeback lines in response to some of these.
    So... yeah, no?

    I mean, I'd imagine you could shoot some of these down like you were playing Duck Hunt with the gun pressed up to the screen. (You KNOW you've done it.)
    What're some of yr best comeback/shootdown lines? I WANNA KNOW

    __

    I know it's not really fair to talk about "pickup lines" when a girl uses them, but, the one that was the most fun when I said it was, "You'll do."
    haha
    It had the desired effect (= getting the dude to rein in the cockiness a little bit, while still having fun). His face was priceless.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guy

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What Girls & Guys Said

28
  • Chief16
    The best one I've actually used is this one
    3.bp.blogspot.com/.../...26184870_1340960151_n.jpg
    • Chief16

      But lol at #14.😂

    • Yep.

    • Chief16

      So I suppose... The next take will be on the pickup lines you used?

    • Show All
  • EmpatheticLady
    • Yes I talked to his supervisor. Also, turns out he has a fiance.

    • Oh, Lord. Really? What is wrong with people?

    • I have zero clue my dear.

    • Show All
  • brain5000
    These were fun, thanks, and I do enjoy your Takes. I wonder if I might request a collection of pickup lines that worked? Less amusing, more helpful, perhaps. Me, I am of the opinion that if a woman is showing zero interest, a pickup line isn't going to create any. Maybe I am wrong?
    • Pickup lines don't work on me. Being straight forward works.

      I recently gave a gent my number because he admitted when he saw me he thought I was beautiful and then he asked for my number.

  • Notreallyhere
    The worst one I ever got was from a gay guy who thought I was a "cd twink"

    Once I figured out what that was I felt fucking awful😭
  • Spiorad_Aisce
    I don't know how scared you were but I am actually scared by some of them.
    I don't think I have ever intentionally used a pick up line - I just talk to women, I open my mouth and hope what comes out is in English, in order and makes sense plus doesn't get me arrested.
    Ok on my bucket list is to use this one chat up line , I know it is cheesy but I actually think it is very clever and I love puns/wordplay.
    Person A: How much does a polar bear weigh?
    Person B: I don't know
    Person C: I don't know either but it is enough to break the ice.
    Since I am devilishly handsome and cool, I will get away with it.
    s.quickmeme.com/.../...8d179dcafbd8dfc4fcf6542.jpg
  • CBryan
    I don't use pick up lines. They're useless for us ugly dudes.
    If you look good, don't worry. The girls will either come to you, or let you know to approach them.
  • Bitterpill
    Honestly I don't know whether to laugh or cry, those guys are so cringe-worthy.

    On a side note good luck trying to sell me wine I can't stand the stuff.
  • ejx629
    What is wrong with some guys?
    I always wonder how many guys actually get a date using lines like that.
  • Maxemeister
    U must be a diamond cuz u just gave me a hardness of 10
  • YourFutureEx
    Thanks. Now I'll never trust a wine merchant.
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