Sexual Relationships
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How You Can Avoid Rape

How You Can Avoid Rape

On GirlsAskGuys recently, I asked a question regarding how people initiated sexual intercourse, and apparently, many people just reported that they don't overtly ask for consent. In many cases, consent is implicit. One person may signal behavioral cues. The other person may either welcome or reject the sexual advance. If the other person welcomes the advance, then the sex happens. If the other person rejects the sexual advance, then it's up to the initiator whether the initiator wants to ignore the rejection or respects the other person's refusal. If the initiator respects the other person's refusal, then the sex does not happen or stops immediately. If the initiator does not respect the other person's refusal, then the sex becomes rape.

Here are things that you need to know about how consent works in a legal framework:

* Consent must be explicit, implicit, complete, thorough, and informed. In addition to the implicit consent that is already exchanged between couples, you must explicitly ask your partner whether your partner wants to have sex with you. You must also give a complete and thorough summary of your sexual history. This is to help your partner to become aware of how many previous partners you've slept with and whether or not you've contracted STIs from those partners and whether or not you've been tested for any STIs. Finally, informed consent involves telling your partner exactly what is going to happen, which is sexual intercourse. You must be able to articulate that you are going to have sexual intercourse with your partner, how it is going to be achieved, what positions you are going to do, where you are going to do it, how long the sexual intercourse will take approximately, and that your partner can refuse participation in the act at any time at no penalty on your partner's part.

* Consent must be made by both partners above the age of consent. The age of consent may vary in your jurisdiction, so check your local laws and abide by them.

* Consent must be able by partners who are legally able to give consent to sexual intercourse. That means you cannot have sex with a minor (like I said in the previous bullet point) and you cannot have sex with a non-human.

* Consent can be withdrawn at any time during coitus, anal penetration, fellatio, or cunnilingus. If a person wants out, then he or she wants out. And the partner just has to respect that, even though the partner desperately wants to get an orgasm or sexual pleasure. The underlying belief is that the concern of another human being in conjunction with the self-sacrifice of one's own pleasure should be the priority. The shared activity should be about making love or making babies, and the sexual pleasure that springs out of the love and/or intention to make babies is a nice byproduct that Mother Nature has given in order to do it again and again and again.

So, this is myTake on avoiding rape and getting in trouble with the law. Stay safe, and have fun!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I hope this is a joke.
    Please quote the law that states this.
    I can't think of anything more mood killing than a run down of sexual positions.
    How the fuck R u supposed to know how long it will take?
    I am under no obligation to reveal my sexual history and not doing so doesn't make it rape.
    One night stands are about pleasure not making love it would be naive to think otherwise but it doesn't make it rape.
    I hope this never becomes law in my country.

    • There's something like this in California now, colloquially called "yes means yes" laws, but they don't say that the consent must be "explicit and implicit." That would be impossible and retarded.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm reminded of this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jo4568PIRnk



    I almost never verbally ask for consent, but I also respect women, and treat them with respect. Much of the time, they're the ones jumping on me. But I also don't assume that every girl I meet, or even go on a date with, wants sex, or wants it with me. I leave plenty of room for "no", and that's why I virtually always get "yes", even if it's non-verbal.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Reminds me a bit of the beginning of the video I saw the other day lol

    https://youtu.be/Rc_E9JtM_ss

  • LOOL oh man this MyTake really made me facepalm so bad over and over.
    First of all... Usually for me it's never "Would you like to have sex?" that's got to be the most mood killing awkward question ever. You build up to the moment of sex because you both feel it and want it. And if the other person don't you just say no. Simple as that.

    Secondly, I seriously don't know if you are a virgin or not but really seems like you are, because ain't nobody got the time to read the "terms & conditions", what's going to happen, what positions will be done. What the actual fucking fuck. 😂😂 who does that shit? If the intercourse will change to anal (etc.) they just ask in the moment if they want it (unless they usually do it all the time anyway) not wayyy before any fucking even happens. And who the fuck goes all like "First we're gonna do missionary, then you'll ride me, then we do doggy." 😂😂😂 nooo just nooo.
    And how the hell would he know how long it will take, timings can change all the time if you were not aware.

    Thirdly I don't wanna know how many partners he's slept with just before we're having sex, that's the most mood killing thing ever. The only thing I'd ask if I was skeptical is if he's been tested, even so we'd use condoms. And YOU CANNOT assume they have an STI just because they've slept with a lot of people, heck you can get an STI just by having slept with one person!

    Fourthly having sex is not always about "making love", you can have great sex without love or without the intent of making babies. Ehem, casual sex?

    If you have sex with a respectable human being they will clearly stop at "no" and "stop" at any point. But clearly rape cannot be avoided if you are in the hands of the wrong person, and you cannot defend yourself or get help in any way. It is not that simple.
    Most people with common sense get the whole thing about consent, and they get it/understand it most of the time by body language rather than verbal consent from the other person.

    • The whole point of this "yes means yes" crap is to get women like YOU to STOP having sex altogether.

  • "Consent must be explicit, implicit, complete, thorough, and informed. In addition to the implicit consent that is already exchanged between couples, you must explicitly ask your partner whether your partner wants to have sex with you." I think that one should have ended there. I really would prefer my partner did not kill the mood by telling me his full sexual history, what positions he intends to use, how long it would take, etc. Besides, how can you be sure which positions you'll use and how long it'll take? I totally get your point about consent but I think this part is a little extreme lol

    • This is like, "All PIV sex is rape," extreme. And consent doesn't have to be and SHOULDN'T have to be explicit. Women don't want to be explicitly asked if it's okay to have sex with them. There are only two ways that question can be answered, "No," and "not anymore." Also, something can't be explicit and implicit at the same time.

    • @Transigence Consent not needed? Not explicit? Thus grab and penetrate without explicit consent? The Gay Bro Gang will like to read that. You might meet some of da gang, some day.

    • @jacquesvol I didn't say consent was not needed, you filthy deceiver. I said it doesn't have to be explicit, and it doesn't. So basically, grab and try, and if she doesn't want you to she'll let you know, either with a verbal negative, or negative body language (which is ALSO good enough to express the absence of consent!). That's because human interactions are nuanced and mostly non-verbal, and the courts know this. Oh, and I'm not scared of gays, gangs, or you. And I don't bristle at the mention of homosexuality. I can see how you would think that would work if you were terrified of getting your ass pounded yourself, but I don't live in a world of irrational fears.

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  • This seems like insane rules. Its sex, its supposed to be fun- not filled with tons of stuff that would make lawyers scratch their heads. This level of consent would require a contract notarised by my solicitor.

    I subscribe to the- if you've an std, you must tell a person in advance of sex. If you're having sex, if both of you appear to want it then go for it- however if at any point someone tries to stop, says no or gives an indication or body language they dont want sex. Then you should stop otherwise its rape.

  • Does this apply to guys?

  • Hmmn this pic is from the rape of Lucretia I believe.. anyway you can't avoid rape😑 it's not something u have control over happening to you or not. You could be minding your biz completly covered locked away in a castle and a mf could try to force them self on u. Rape isn't about sex.. it's about power and humiliation... period! In that case if it were possible how do children tempt pedo's?

  • Still girl can sue you for false rapes.

  • Spot on.

    I wish some girls would read this and understand what rape actually is. I'm sick of hearing stories of girls who dont understand the difference between rape and regret.

  • s5.photobucket.com/.../...045_zps935fa956.jpg.html
    My thoughts are obvious on the matter.

  • Realize this is a world where bad things happen, be smart, learn how to recognize patterns/behaviors in people and learn to defend yourself with any means you see fit from hands/feet to a gun and everything in between. Preferably all means. It's not possible to avoid it 100% but you can reduce the probability of bad things happening. Avoiding potential dangers is the best defense. You don't have to go around paranoid but conscious about danger.

  • Although couched in legal language - I would be very much in agreement on those points - Really it boils down to communication, if there is any doubt, check if you are the initiator and if you are the other personbe very clear of your rights to be explicit in what you want and don't want.
    Unfortunately there will be a huge grey area with individual examples thrown back and forth but it is up to society to clarify as much as possible what is right and wrong then the grey area becomes reduced.
    In the grey area I will probably switch sides as we go from case to case that is why I espouse having a large area of clarity so we don't have to go down a road of slut shaming or all men are rapists. To me they are just people making personal decisions and having a few societal guidelines does no harm at all.

  • I appreciate the effort but if anyone tried to pull this I'd just walk out the door. No way I am sitting through this nonsense.

    • That's the point. Either outcome (demographic winter or the continuous legal sanction of men) are both feminist wins.

  • "Consent must be explicit, implicit, complete, thorough, and informed. "

    According to what you have spelled out, I have been raped... many times.

  • Some of this is, I mean... :/ come on. He knows if I want it or not. And sometimes it's hot if he just grabs me and fucks me. Spontaneity has its place. You should have consent but it shouldn't be like signing a contract. Nothing less sexu than that.

    Just respond to the other persons signals.

    • signing a contract before the deed, total turn off.

    • @BertMacklinFBI nah, nothing gets me up like a good signature

  • 1. Don't get drunk.
    2. Don't be alone with a man you don't want to have sex with.
    3. Carry a gun, know how and be prepared how to use it, and be aware of your surroundings.

    That pretty much takes care of 98% of cases right there.

    • If you are from a decent part of town, #1 alone is good enough for at least 99 percent.

  • I agree with what you write. Let me add some stuff

    * Don't lead people on. They may not be able to control themselves.
    * Don't get drunk or get somebody else drunk.
    * If the other party is drunk. Don't get into this thing
    * Speak up. Don't give subtle no's but give real ones
    * Don't use sex as a tool.
    * Realize you can't change your mind afterwards.
    * Don't expect the other party to understand your feelings or subtle messages.
    * If you need to use tricks to get sex, it's probably not a good idea to have sex.
    * People won't stop having sex when in the middle of sex.

  • Just say no. If they still dont listen, threaten them with a pocket knife to cut their balls off.

  • I like your take but sometimes you can't avoid rape in certain situations. It happens.

    • Exactly.

  • "In addition to the implicit consent that is already exchanged between couples, you must explicitly ask your partner whether your partner wants to have sex with you."

    "Finally, informed consent involves telling your partner exactly what is going to happen, which is sexual intercourse. You must be able to articulate that you are going to have sexual intercourse with your partner, how it is going to be achieved, what positions you are going to do, where you are going to do it, how long the sexual intercourse will take approximately, and that your partner can refuse participation in the act at any time at no penalty on your partner's part."

    Listen, I know you mean well but this is stupid. I'm probably the biggest virgin on the internet and I know that all this is going to do is take out the excitement and turn her vagina into a desert. Who wants sex to feel staged? The answer is nobody.

  • Well according to your rules I have been raped by every single woman I have ever been with.

    Rape rates have never been lower so the Feminist crazies have to once again further the definition of something and change the laws to make sure more men are "oppressive" and more women are "victims".
    The truth is these kinds of Feminist laws have nothing to do with reality and all they will end up doing is delegitimize real rape to the point no one takes a rape claim seriously.

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