Why "Yes Means Yes" Actually Does Nothing Helpful

RationalMale

Yes means Yes, right?. Sounds great. Sounds like we are fighting rape! Somehow. It doesn't make much sense, but now that girls actually have to consent to sex we can all rest easy knowing such laws fight rape and barbarity... or not. Let's examine a few simple reasons why "Yes Means Yes" laws are at best, useless.


1. It's not practical for actual sex.

Non-virgins know, that is absolutely NOT how sex goes.

Why

For virgins, let me give a simple example of how a sexual encounter went. We were in the den, had been talking and playing pool, coming up with idle chit chat, and at one point she sat down on the floor, her back against a piece of woodwork, giving me what I interpreted to be a "Sooo are we doing this?" Look. Which, could easily have been argued to mean a number of things. Thing went from kissinig on the mouth, to her putting on Nickelbacks "Something in Your Mouth" (and people wonder why I like that band so much) to me kissing down her next, across her chest, to removing her jeans and panties, leading to her moaning and rubbing her chest while I went to work.

Simple reality? No one. Ever. Does "yes means yes." Sex has always been implied consent and body language, because my dear virgin friends, if you try that shit, you may as well pour sand in her vagina, or stab his dick with a hypodermic needle. It would kill the mood amazingly well. No one... does this. Ever.

Consent must be explicit, implicit, complete, thorough, and informed. In addition to the implicit consent that is already exchanged between couples, you must explicitly ask your partner whether your partner wants to have sex with you. You must also give a complete and thorough summary of your sexual history. This is to help your partner to become aware of how many previous partners you've slept with and whether or not you've contracted STIs from those partners and whether or not you've been tested for any STIs. Finally, informed consent involves telling your partner exactly what is going to happen, which is sexual intercourse. You must be able to articulate that you are going to have sexual intercourse with your partner, how it is going to be achieved, what positions you are going to do, where you are going to do it, how long the sexual intercourse will take approximately, and that your partner can refuse participation in the act at any time at no penalty on your partner's part."--https://www.girlsaskguys.com/sexual-behavior/a26544-how-you-can-avoid-rape

Sex might be like that in porn shoots between professionals. Or between Sheldon Cooper and his girlfriend Amy. It has never and will never be like that among normal people having sex due to physical attraction or love. This, is where the idiotic "Yes Means Yes" laws lead to. This is the pyschotic reason for supporting it.

If the Yes Means Yes law is taken even remotely seriously it will settle like a cold winter on college campuses, throwing everyday sexual practice into doubt and creating a haze of fear and confusion over what counts as consent... men need to feel a cold spike of fear when they begin a sexual encounter.--https://www.vox.com/2014/10/13/6966847/yes-means-yes-is-a-terrible-bill-and-i-completely-support-it

Yeah. Sex is a basic human need since as long as humans have existed. It's simple in real life, and doesn't need to be turned into something where a paralegal friend makes you more relaxed. This isn't court.


2. It leaves a he said/she said, and merely makes it easier to accusse people. Yeah... main difference is, in actual rape cases, things like bruises, cuts, and injuries to the vaginal/anal area are helpful proof for a rape case. In idiocy like this, when you look at the laws, a woman... or a man... being a lackluster lover might be rape, because while they don't have to resist for it to count as rape, consent is required. Don't have it on tape? Hope they don't feel bitter at you next week, otherwise it's your word against theirs.


3. It creates a false sense of security.

Why "Yes Means Yes" Actually Does Nothing Helpful

The simple reality of this sort of "affirmative consent" stuff is that women want to be daring and risky and feel like they could pull their ripcord at any time and get out of a situation. It encourages risky behavior by giving women a believe they can go home with a thug or trash and with a simple word, things will be okay. In reality, such laws like Yes Means Yes will have zero impact on actual rape. Why? Because actual rape is actual rape. Actual rapists rape, because they are evil, not because they just didn't undertand the law well enough.


In short... actual sex is based on body language and implied consent throughout. That's life, and biology won't let it be any other way.

Why "Yes Means Yes" Actually Does Nothing Helpful
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Most Helpful Girl

  • xHoneyxBeex
    I agree with you. I've never verbally told my boyfriend "yes." Lol It's pretty obvious through my body language that I want it. The first quote you gave is just horrible. That would definitely turn me off. Maybe it's geared more towards casual sexual encounters but I would never want to sit there and talk to my boyfriend about "exactly" what is going to happen, positions we're going to do, how long it's going to last, etc. That's just ridiculous in my opinion and takes the fun out of it. Lol I want to feel overpowered and I want my guy to be aggressive and just go for it. I like that type of sex. If he happened to do something I didn't like then I would tell him and I trust him to listen and respect that.

    If a random stranger tried to force himself on me though, I would obviously say "no" and make efforts to push him off of me. If he continued anyway despite all my efforts to stop him then THAT would be rape.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • AdamThomas
    I read that first quote on that other thread, do these people ever actually get laid? Why are they so fucking weird?
  • Spiorad_Aisce
    Good take but I think the idea is aimed at situations where it is a grey area - I can only go by personal experience or viewpoint by the time implicit consent is reached, you have developed a trust for each other that overrides all hokum in that first quote - If I was in any other situation that was leading to physical interaction where I didn't have faith in the implicit consent, I would most definitely check that she agreed to sex verbally.
    I am not a night club type of person but I think I am safe in saying that you don't have a few drinks with a girl, connect and decide it is going somewhere then swap clean certs (a la porn shoot).
    Finally unless there has been some major medical discovery in the last 24 hours it only takes one person to infect you so only an idiot would go "Yay it is only her second time" in fact I feel an experienced woman would probably be more clued up on safe sex therefore would be better bet.
  • nalaa
    I mean the point of yes means yes is just that you should for positive reinforcements rather than the lack of negative ones. Which I think is what most people do anyway. You don't assume you have consent until she says no, you look for clues that let you know she wants it too, such as reciprocating your actions

    Yes means yes, is NOT the law it's just a suggestion, since apparently one too many guys have used the "I didn't know she didn't want it" or "I didn't know it wasn't ok if she was passed out" excuse.
    Take it or leave it.
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