Why I Feel The Need To Reach Standards.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

You know what it’s like to just barely meet the standards of X activity?

I feel as if I don’t really meet the standards of being a good girlfriend, and just barely. For me it’s similar

to that awkward transition at the age of 12 where I’m too tall for the kid rides but too short for the adult

rides at an amusement park. What makes it worse is it’s like there’s a roller coaster I’m really looking

forward to, it’s super fun looking and has nothing but great reviews. I finally get to the ride to get on but

I just barely reach the height requirement, by about an inch or two. The disappointment is just heavy

and it weighs on my heart, crushing any excitement I had for the ride at the time.

Then comes the thoughts, the worries and what-if game begins. What if I never grow that extra inch I

need to ride that ride? What if I end up having a growth spurt and become too tall to ride it? I’ll never be

able to enjoy that ride. That’s how I feel about my standards as a girlfriend- I’m trying to meet the

requirement and just barely fall too short.

Not in the aspect that I can’t “please” him or that I don’t listen. It’s just a generalized feeling that sits on

my heart, and no matter how hard or deep I dig to get that feeling out it just gets embedded in further. I

wanna know everything about everyone, and my boyfriend is someone I wanna know everything about,

even the things I don’t wanna know-I needa know.

I don’t wanna know if he likes a finger up his bum during masturbation but it’s a fact I wanna know. I like

to meet people’s standards. Not to please people but I see these standards as GOALS. Once I reach

these standards, I can surpass them.

If your standard is your dream girl HAS to make you laugh, then I can Ace that no problem.

If your standard is your friend has to be a good listener, that’s something I can do, but I won’t be able to

pass that with flying colors. I’m a good listener but I also love to talk, so sometimes the two clash.

Standards aren’t something I see as negative because almost everyone has them. I love being able to

meet someone’s standards, I feel special.

People tend to fall into roles, or follow the same path, creating a beaten track for ourselves. We place

ourselves into these positions of being the “loud one” or being the “flirty one” etc.

With meeting people’s standards I can be the loud one, the flirty one, the sweet one or the shy one.

Everybody else is doing the same thing, I’m doing my own thing. Even if my own thing means fulfilling

someone else’s standards because I want to, it’s still my own thing.

Society says “meet my standards” but then they say “you don’t need to meet people’s/societies

standards”. Well I’m gonna meet peoples standards because it’s who I am.

I am the flirty one, I am the loud one, the sweet one.

Meeting these standards don’t mean that I’m changing myself, it just means I’m showing different sides

of myself.

Back to what I began with, I have standards for being a girlfriend. I need to know a lot about my SO, I

need to look good for them every-day, I need to make sure I don’t embarrass them. I could go on and on

about it but I won’t. These are my standards and I still feel as if I’m not reaching them. Whenever I have

my heart set on a standard I wish to reach, I work at it until I do. When I fail to reach one, my heart

hurts.

I will feel as I’m being grasped in an Iron Maidens hold, my lungs will be stressed and I can’t breathe. It

eventually brings on panic attacks if it keeps up, but this won’t stop me.

I will reach my standard, I will surpass my goal and be satisfied until I find another standard I must reach.

You personally, you don’t need to meet anyone’s standards but your own.

I typically have lower standards when it comes to my friends. Just be a decent human being and we’ll be

good. That’s my standard for friendship.

That’s my goal for me as a human within my life.

What’re the standards you try to reach?

[Spiorad_Aisce]

I like that take - Standards are a strange thing, having them is good thing but what happens if you don't meet them - You have incorporate the idea of success and failure into areas of your life - Start something new, set new standards for yourself - Here is the interesting proposition whether you succeed or fail the same thing happens, fail, fuck it, adapt to new set of standards, succeed, ok what do I do now, adapt to a new set of standards.
I was interested in you saying you feel you relax and lower your standards for your friends. Isn't your SO your best friend in a certain area of your life.
The point I am trying to make is you might spend the whole day here telling people nobody is perfect then later you and your SO are thinking to yourselves why am I not the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend, go back to your earlier thinking during the day of "Nobody is Perfect".
In conclusion, standards are at best aspirations not duties/responsibilities. We have enough duty/responsibility without heaping more crap on our shoulders plus standards are totally fluid we are adapting them all the time.

[LovelyComputerVirus]

I feel the exact same way.

[ThisDudeHere]

I used to feel this way. But a part of the process of me becoming more confident also meant that I would adopt a "Eh, whatever, idgaf. If I'm good enough then cool, if not then whatever." Has helped me a lot.

[MoonlitSonata]

Interesting take. I can relate.