12 Reasons Why My Dildo Is Better Than You

Stacyzee

11 Reasons Why My Dildo Is Better Than You

1. He's so much larger.

Yes, I got to choose his size and he fits inside of me just right!

2. He's always turned on.

Yes, I can literally flick the "on" button and he's ready for action!

3. He's convenient to my pleasure.

He's literally just a dresser drawer away. I can grab him right now and have the best day!

4. He doesn't talk back.

Yes, he just shuts the fuck up and drills me, just the way that I like.

5. He's never "too tired".

When he's starting to burn out, I just load him up with more batteries and like a jackrabbit, he

never fails to go at it!

6. I can suck him the way that I want to.

Yes honey! I'm a trooper because I'm in total control. He's not putting his sweaty palms at the back of my head showing me what to do next!

7. He's never turned off.

No, he really never is...

I thought I confirmed this already with statement number (2)

8. He knows how to take care of his girl!

Oh man, Stanley always hits the spot!

He thrusts so deeply inside of me, and gives me amazing clitoral stimulation.
*Whew* I'm even experiencing an "o" just speaking about it!

Ladies, can you pass me a towel?

9. He never gets camera shy!

Yes, I've filmed the two of us before!
He's so damn great!

I can only imagine that he was a porn star in his past life.

10. He will not knock me up.

Lets have marathon sex today!

No pregnancy tests needed!

No answers need to be confirmed!

11. He doesn't make a mess.

Clean up on aisle...what?

Some guys think my mouth was made for cleaning up spills.

WRONG!

12. He doesn't get jealous.

I chose my other dildo over him on Friday. He didn't mind. He stayed hard and drilled me non-stop on Saturday.

I think my kinkiness turns him on!

12 Reasons Why My Dildo Is Better Than You

Final Note: This myTake is not meant to be taken seriously and is only a spoof!

For those of you women that actually do feel this way,

Well, I bare no responsibility, may the outraged men proceed.

*Wipes forehead and walks away*

12 Reasons Why My Dildo Is Better Than You

12 Reasons Why My Dildo Is Better Than You
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Most Helpful Girl

  • redeyemindtricks
    ahahah DAMN girlfrennnnnnnnnn aw shit tho

    __

    y'see tho, #8 is actually the problem, here.

    Need muscle tension, to keep thrusting and/or stimulating... and lots of tension throughout the rest of the body, too, to hold that position and/or grind against the stimulation...
    ... which means we can't LET GO and totally surrender to the orgasm. If we do, then, it's like puncturing a big balloon. Woopsy! Ruined THAT one.

    Guess we still need boys after all, hm.
    Is this still revelant?
    • AniKai

      Boys are good with towels, and giving semen, but aside that? Meh.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Chief16
    Wow, don't know why so many guys feel insulted or targeted, I for one am not, ain't no dildo gonna give oral, hold you, fondle you, make you tear into flesh, respond to your needs adaptively, essentially make love to you, this Take is light hearted. And its clearly emphasized to be a spoof. Lol.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

1537
  • skeptic007
    lol that made me laugh hun
    don't worry hun we don't need you either
    THE FUTURE IS HERE!!!

    media.giphy.com/media/xTiQyNjuSAgCnZufu0/giphy.gif
  • YourFutureEx
  • WhatTheHellAmy
    ooooooooooh, savage!!! damn dude, well done XD

    funny to read, but I don't agree with this. I take real dick over plastic any day XD
  • Unit1
    That was funny and kind of true :)
    I can't blame you at all.

    We on the other side have porn and other toys available =) You actually inspired me to make my own take "X reasons why video games and porn are better than you" but there are already such takes, so no need to create another one :)
  • annie616pop
    ROFL!!! What a screamer, Stacyzee! Thanks for making my day.
    By the way, if you enjoy the "total experience" there are dildos in the market that are life like with balls. They are capable of ejaculating! Some of the best ones I hear come from Germany and Japan.
  • itsallover
    Some guys seem to be getting butthurt even though this was only meant in lighthearted fun, haha.
  • Curiousness23
    Real dick for me please, with a man attached to it.
  • chintita
    he isn't warm though, stanley can't dirty talk, stanley also can't take you against a wall and only goes as fast as your hand muscles can go.

    yup, i'll take a real guy anyday haha
  • Nik1hil
    😂😂😂 you are amazing girl!.. I freaking loved the take.. I was about to leave and I will leave this website but with a huge smile and happy! Mind!.. And I will buy my girl a nice dildo on next birthday!.. 👍👍👍
  • Spiorad_Aisce
    Sounds like the perfect partner at times - Not outraged gives us a break, chance to crack open a beer and catch up on the sport on TV in peace so thanks Stanley.
  • Sunflower19
    I don't really like dildos though or vibrators! I cringe at the thought of rubber/plastic going inside me! 😣😣😣😣 Lol but cool take!
  • Rawrzz
    I get it. I think Hot Cheetos are better than women.
  • joeb73
    yep those are all good reason to love your vibrator, is your next my take why guys are better than a vibrator
  • mr90skid
    Surprised there isn't a lot more salt in the comments :/
    • Phoenix98

      Well we could start an 11 reasons I don't give a shit towards the mytake lol.

    • mr90skid

      @Phoenix98
      right like we can throw our own salt lol with reason with 1-9 being "I'm bigger than your dildo!!! >:O get on my level!!"

    • Phoenix98

      Hah yup you know what they say after all if there's no salt on the wound, go and buy a bag of it and get to rubbing.

      1. He can't give foreplay or oral.

    • Show All
  • xxcchhllaauu
    hey when ever I read stuff like this I get a felling in the pit of my stomach cuz I know every dildo ever made is bigger than me and I know that bigger means more pleasure to girls this is why I can't get girls I know how they really are and every time I look in her eyes I see it makes you wanna kill yourself srs
  • abc--123
    From how you talk about that dildo I think I'd have more fun watching you use it than actually fucking you
  • Phoenix98
    Good luck spending the rest of your life with an inanimate object.
  • TheSpartan
    "1. He's so much larger."

    Psychologists honestly need to study this topic more; we need a couple hundred studies testing if size matters. Otherwise, this is going to be one of the biggest unsolved mysteries of all time.
  • micheal727jovanie
    And thats 1 reason why my hand is better then you...
  • Josht11
    The he doesn't talk back point is way more applicable to women.
  • Bluemax
    You name your dildo? How did you come by the name "Stanly?" What's your other dildo's name?
    • Stacyzee

      Stanley is always "Standing" if you get it.
      The others name is Powerdrill.

  • I love my dildo for the same reasons!! I name my Spirit
  • cth96190
    I hope that the two of you are blissfully happy.
    You will not be missed.
  • AhGojira
    Enjoy you're dildo, it's not like we ever said we want you.
  • QuestionMan
    I know this is a troll post but why not I'll play along

    1. Debatable
    2. I have an on button too ;)
    3. If we were living together I'd be closer
    4. I'm all for drilling
    5. What if you run out of batteries? The all natural method means you never have to worry about that or spend any money on it.
    6. If you're as good as you think you are sure go ahead but if you suck wouldn't you like suggestions?
    7. Dress nice and I won't either
    8. ;)
    9. Ok you got me there not a fan of filming
    10. Let's do it. I'll grab some condoms you get birth control
    11. Fine no cumshot
    12. I prefer open relationships

    #Debunked
  • Other_Tommy_Wiseau
    if it don't make a mess, it ain't doing you right... namsayin!
  • girl i don´t even need a "tool" to have more fun than with a girl like you :P
  • Joc4Position
    1. I highly doubt that.
    2. Alright. I'll give you that.
    3. True.
    4. I don't talk back.. unless you want me to :P
    5. I've never been too tired to continue. No batteries for me. I just keep going. YOU the one who'd get tired. Not me.
    6. I usually let the girl do her thing. I might add some suggestions, but most of the time a girl is going to suck how she wants to suck anyway.
    7. True.
    8. Hahahahahahahahahaha 😑
    9. Meh.
    10. Alright. You got a point there.
    11. Well she can clean it up if she want to, but she don't have to. I don't have to cum either.
    12. I'm promiscuous. Why would I be jelly?
  • brain5000
    While all of this is good, it is hard to believe Stanley is better than a good man.
  • Maxnanet
    I like a girl proud of her dildo !
    I must say that i would love to spend a day with trying to replce ur friend:p
  • TheAngryBanana
    thats cool mr didldo can pay for your dinner trolololol :P
  • Plitty-Tank
    12 reasons why I'm better than your dildo. I have emotions, feelings, strengths, joy, energy, victory, sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch and love.
  • takumii
    Sounds like you're gonna spend your rest of your life with him. <3 I am happy for you two
  • FragileGuy
    You really put a big smile on my face.
    I love this post almost as much as your profile pic
  • Angel68716
    Some truth to that 😂😂😂
  • Grace_Rdz
    Haha! Wish I had one 😝
  • douride2
    Best myTake ever. LMAO hahahahaha It made my day.
  • Zombie-Killa
    The misogyny is real!
  • JohnMike999
    Ask me if i care.
  • Dragan
    Just pure organic Sex is what my wife and I love.
  • manmeat
    it dont take out the bins though!
  • whatsup111
    lmao the asker is forever alone virgin
  • Anonymous
    And women still wonder why men have decided that a life of pumping and dumping is preferable to wife-ing up one of these slags.
  • Anonymous
    #11 isn't true. I make a big mess when I use mine XD
  • Anonymous
    I want one now as I'm single atm :)
  • Anonymous
    Dildos are. Ice when you're single haha but i always prefer the real thing ;)
  • Anonymous
    True stuff
  • Anonymous
    thats why you'll be forever alone with your dildo!
  • Anonymous
    Does your Dildo gives you emotional support when you are down?
  • Anonymous
    Materials prefer materials.
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