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12 Reasons Why My Dildo Is Better Than You

11 Reasons Why My Dildo Is Better Than You

1. He's so much larger.

Yes, I got to choose his size and he fits inside of me just right!

2. He's always turned on.

Yes, I can literally flick the "on" button and he's ready for action!

3. He's convenient to my pleasure.

He's literally just a dresser drawer away. I can grab him right now and have the best day!

4. He doesn't talk back.

Yes, he just shuts the fuck up and drills me, just the way that I like.

5. He's never "too tired".

When he's starting to burn out, I just load him up with more batteries and like a jackrabbit, he

never fails to go at it!

6. I can suck him the way that I want to.

Yes honey! I'm a trooper because I'm in total control. He's not putting his sweaty palms at the back of my head showing me what to do next!

7. He's never turned off.

No, he really never is...

I thought I confirmed this already with statement number (2)

8. He knows how to take care of his girl!

Oh man, Stanley always hits the spot!

He thrusts so deeply inside of me, and gives me amazing clitoral stimulation.
*Whew* I'm even experiencing an "o" just speaking about it!

Ladies, can you pass me a towel?

9. He never gets camera shy!

Yes, I've filmed the two of us before!
He's so damn great!

I can only imagine that he was a porn star in his past life.

10. He will not knock me up.

Lets have marathon sex today!

No pregnancy tests needed!

No answers need to be confirmed!

11. He doesn't make a mess.

Clean up on aisle...what?

Some guys think my mouth was made for cleaning up spills.

WRONG!

12. He doesn't get jealous.

I chose my other dildo over him on Friday. He didn't mind. He stayed hard and drilled me non-stop on Saturday.

I think my kinkiness turns him on!

12 Reasons Why My Dildo Is Better Than You

Final Note: This myTake is not meant to be taken seriously and is only a spoof!

For those of you women that actually do feel this way,

Well, I bare no responsibility, may the outraged men proceed.

*Wipes forehead and walks away*

12 Reasons Why My Dildo Is Better Than You

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Most Helpful Girl

  • ahahah DAMN girlfrennnnnnnnnn aw shit tho

    __

    y'see tho, #8 is actually the problem, here.

    Need muscle tension, to keep thrusting and/or stimulating... and lots of tension throughout the rest of the body, too, to hold that position and/or grind against the stimulation...
    ... which means we can't LET GO and totally surrender to the orgasm. If we do, then, it's like puncturing a big balloon. Woopsy! Ruined THAT one.

    Guess we still need boys after all, hm.

    • Boys are good with towels, and giving semen, but aside that? Meh.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow, don't know why so many guys feel insulted or targeted, I for one am not, ain't no dildo gonna give oral, hold you, fondle you, make you tear into flesh, respond to your needs adaptively, essentially make love to you, this Take is light hearted. And its clearly emphasized to be a spoof. Lol.

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What Girls & Guys Said

16 38

  • ROFL!!! What a screamer, Stacyzee! Thanks for making my day.
    By the way, if you enjoy the "total experience" there are dildos in the market that are life like with balls. They are capable of ejaculating! Some of the best ones I hear come from Germany and Japan.

  • I get it. I think Hot Cheetos are better than women.

  • I feel sorry for you 😏
    media2.giphy.com/media/RqxAfbsJb7hPa/giphy.gif

    • ahaha 😂😂

    • @overthinkingmind www.bing.com/.../search

    • @Littledunmer LOL :P I wasn't doubting masculine abilities, swear! He was actually funny :p

  • Real dick for me please, with a man attached to it.

    • do u have any fwb?

  • Some guys seem to be getting butthurt even though this was only meant in lighthearted fun, haha.

  • Some truth to that 😂😂😂

  • ooooooooooh, savage!!! damn dude, well done XD

    funny to read, but I don't agree with this. I take real dick over plastic any day XD

  • Sounds like the perfect partner at times - Not outraged gives us a break, chance to crack open a beer and catch up on the sport on TV in peace so thanks Stanley.

  • The he doesn't talk back point is way more applicable to women.

  • he isn't warm though, stanley can't dirty talk, stanley also can't take you against a wall and only goes as fast as your hand muscles can go.

    yup, i'll take a real guy anyday haha

  • Surprised there isn't a lot more salt in the comments :/

    • Well we could start an 11 reasons I don't give a shit towards the mytake lol.

    • @Phoenix98 right like we can throw our own salt lol with reason with 1-9 being "I'm bigger than your dildo!!! >:O get on my level!!"

    • Hah yup you know what they say after all if there's no salt on the wound, go and buy a bag of it and get to rubbing. 1. He can't give foreplay or oral.

    • Show All

  • You name your dildo? How did you come by the name "Stanly?" What's your other dildo's name?

    • Stanley is always "Standing" if you get it. The others name is Powerdrill.

  • And thats 1 reason why my hand is better then you...

  • yep those are all good reason to love your vibrator, is your next my take why guys are better than a vibrator

  • I don't really like dildos though or vibrators! I cringe at the thought of rubber/plastic going inside me! 😣😣😣😣 Lol but cool take!

  • 1. I highly doubt that.
    2. Alright. I'll give you that.
    3. True.
    4. I don't talk back.. unless you want me to :P
    5. I've never been too tired to continue. No batteries for me. I just keep going. YOU the one who'd get tired. Not me.
    6. I usually let the girl do her thing. I might add some suggestions, but most of the time a girl is going to suck how she wants to suck anyway.
    7. True.
    8. Hahahahahahahahahaha 😑
    9. Meh.
    10. Alright. You got a point there.
    11. Well she can clean it up if she want to, but she don't have to. I don't have to cum either.
    12. I'm promiscuous. Why would I be jelly?

  • While all of this is good, it is hard to believe Stanley is better than a good man.

  • Haha! Wish I had one 😝

    • Go to the supermarket they have all shapes and sizes in cucumbers.

    • Just get one

    • @Piluex I will :)

    • Show All

  • Good luck spending the rest of your life with an inanimate object.

  • Enjoy you're dildo, it's not like we ever said we want you.

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