Never given head to a guy but don't feel the advice is ever really useful to shy/nervous/scared people?


So this will most definitely not apply to everyone, and I'd appreciate respect in the comments!

Never given head to a guy but don't feel the advice is ever really useful to shy/nervous/scared people?

I'm 22, and I've never given a guy head. When I was about 17, and getting to know a guy I liked, he kind of forced it on me, held my head there for a while and it was horrible (obviously). And ever since then, any boyfriend I've had I just had NO intention to do it, I associated with a bad feeling, taste, experience etc etc (and that's entirely reasonable, and if you want to never do it - also reasonable, something you should discuss with a SO though).

However, I kind of have been leaning towards trying it lately, of my own will, with my current partner. So as you do, you google "how to" do it, because you're terrified of being bad, and sucking (pun not intended). But all I can find is advice given to 15 year old virgins about doing it to their boyfriend who's first time it is also (supposedly). And while the advice of "how to" is not exactly bad, I feel the advice of:

Look into his eyes, moan, just grab it, lick all around, start putting it in slow and then eventually go deep blah blah blah. Is not entirely helpful to everyone. Because for anyone like me, or anyone shy and scared, but still interested, you don't have that kind of confidence nor know how (lick what? lick how... etc).

So, I have yet to fully do the act myself but I found myself being able to sit closer to it after a few weeks. Be more confident with my hands after a few weeks. And eventually start kissing further down his body, because even at the start kissing passed his neck was a bit scary. And after 2 months of being together, I kissed down to the region and I kissed his thigh and for me that was huge (again, no pun intended), and he liked it and he's been very supportive of how slow I've wanted to take that. But to do that, for me is huge and I am quite proud of myself and my inner growth.

So to those out there that think the advice, that to me, is better to the really confident girls who aren't a bit nervous in the bed still, take your time. He should understand, especially if you explain to him like I did that I'd never done it, I am interested, it may not be next week or the week after, but I'm nervous - then he should respect that. And you'll find yourself sitting your head closer, being able to look at it, kiss further down, you'll gain the confidence, because he's not pressuring you, he understands and you trust each other. And even if your first time, all you can do is kiss the top of his thigh while doing the rest with a hand, that's a good start.

And next time, maybe all I'll do is kiss the shaft, then kiss the tip. And the time after that I'll just lick it (like a lolly pop as my friend explained is a good start ha). You move into it, you don't have to just shove it on in there your first time.

To finish, I don't think the advice is bad as I said, they're giving you step by step instructions perhaps on what to do, and you can use it how you want, but usually the instructions are for very confident girls sexually, or girls that know how to do it. Because in my mind, if I'm googling "how to", I am obviously not sexually confident enough (yet) to outright ask him "oh baby tell me what you want". (Talking dirty is another whole thing that also comes with confidence and is no shame in not being able to do it properly straight away!), But I just wanted to give a perspective from someone who is nervous, who is not a virgin though, who's boyfriend is not either, and offer some more "gradual" tips that may be useful.

Never given head to a guy but don't feel the advice is ever really useful to shy/nervous/scared people?

Never given head to a guy but don't feel the advice is ever really useful to shy/nervous/scared people?
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Most Helpful Guy

  • progboy
    It sounds like both of you are on the right track. You're working yourself up to a point where you feel comfortable doing it at a pace that is right for you and your boyfriend sounds like he's happy to wait for you to be ready. From what you've said you've got good reason to be hesitant given your past experience and I'm sure your boyfriend will understand.

    You're also right about the advice. That's all well and good once you've got the confidence to go for it but you need the confidence to do it in the first place. Don't worry because it seems like your boyfriend is very understanding and that is exactly what you need. You'll get there in the end and your boyfriend is in for a treat when you do and I suspect he knows that.
    Is this still revelant?
    • bbch25

      Thank you.
      I was interested to see a male's opinion on the matter and I like the understanding in yours. And glad to see support opposed to "no that's wrong, he wouldn't like that" etc.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • OlderAndWiser
    The most important things that happen during sex are the things that happen within our brains - fears, anxieties, inhibitions, arousal, desire. The two biggest factors in overcoming your fears and inhibitions are:

    1. desire to overcome the fear. inhibition; and
    2. a patient and understanding partner.

    It sounds like you have both and eventually will conquer your demons. Good luck!
    • bbch25

      Thank you, also good advice to keep in mind.

  • Spiorad_Aisce
    Very good advice - Go at your own pace, do what you like, what feels right to you, check with him what he likes and lastly if you do it and don't like it your boyfriend will understand so don't be putting pressure on yourself to be amazing at it and love it.
  • FakeName123
    Your best bet is to communicate that you want to try it out and him guiding you a bit. Then try out what he likes and what not and practice. That's the easiest way.

    Other than that imagine a blowjob like you massaging his dick with your mouth and tongue.
    • Wait. This post is 6 month old. Why did I have this on my feed?

    • bbch25

      Yeah I had tried that imagination stuff, it's not really helpful.

      And someone else posted, maybe they did it before you, I don't know.

  • Soulife
    Great, appropriate take. :)
    • Soulife

      Did you learn this that way too? :)

    • bbch25

      I never learnt anything from anyone, so that's why I wrote this because I always find advise quite useless. It's usually for people who are super confident (and then they probably don't need help with figuring out because they can just ask!) etc.

      But yeah, I guess this is how I started to learn, I do it for my partner now like every day basically. But if we broke up I'd probably go back to how I was with a new guy because it's with HIM I want to do it and trust and the fact he was going along with me this whole time and was totally cool with what I was comfortable with, helped.