Taking a Peek at The Hilarious, Occasionally Embarrassing Side of Sex


We've all been there and for those that haven't just wait because Sex is often Funny!

Maybe more in hindsight but in a few years of "activity" *nudge nudge wink wink* I found myself laughing at it and instigating more of it. Not all the time but just enough to keep my partners on their toes. Still I'd like to list a few examples of the humor that can be had when you're Dropping the Hog, Bumping Uglies, Boinking or just Doing the Nasty.

Taking a Peek at The Hilarious, Occasionally Embarrassing Side of Sex

The High Five

Usually this happens in 3 stages for me. There's the Pre-Game, that point where my 14 year old self starts jumping up and down in my head exclaiming "Dude... Dude... We Are So Getting Laid!" so I give him a mental High Five to shut the hell up. Mainly because I've learned a lot since then and don't want to revert into a 36yr old teenager in the sack.

There's the Mid-Game, Which is basically just more of a tap on the back and a church like high five saying "I can't believe we're getting laid...Dude." I know Dude, now fuck off!

Finally the Post-Game, Which if you haven't guessed it is the point where I'm lying next to hopefully a well worn out woman. To get this high five you have to imagine yourself looking at a line of yourself at every age since becoming sexually active. In my case this is 22 copies of me standing in a line and they all want a high five, screaming "We Had Snu-Snu!" while I run down the line.

Taking a Peek at The Hilarious, Occasionally Embarrassing Side of Sex

The Sweaty Kiss

You may call it something else but it happens mid-way into passionate/rough sex. You both are very active up to this point and have a beginners sweat going. Glistening in low light you press your bodies together, maybe kissing each other's neck close, slowing down to catch your breath a bit before resuming the pace.

Then you push up fast only hear your stomachs fart due to the sweat and suction of the previous actions. While in your mind you're both assuming the other just let one rip. But a Man won't stop and a Woman won't take the blame so you move on hoping there's no smell to end this.

Taking a Peek at The Hilarious, Occasionally Embarrassing Side of Sex

The Queef

While we're on the subject... The Queef aka The Pussy Fart. This typically comes into play when you're lost in the moment or maybe you're both doing Yoga poses. Either way it's a mood killer if you've never heard it before. I should point out I did try to find a long winded *pun intended* medical term for this but all I found was that there is no research into that field.

What I can say is that the vagina isn't a straight tube. Folds called rugae can trap air in them for an ill timed release later. Still with a Dick going in and out a lot during sex I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often. Leaving me to believe that most Men really don't know how to pull out. Overall it's nothing to worry about and if you time it right you can make it happen at will. Just look her square in the eye and ask "Uh, do you need to use the rest room?" (Fyi: Only do this in a long term relationship.) Laugh and continue to have fun.

Taking a Peek at The Hilarious, Occasionally Embarrassing Side of Sex

Accidents

Let's face it, they happen. Sometimes you can blame lack of stretching for a few of them. But most of the time it's because we're showing off or during shower sex. I've got a few sex scars because of this. I've burned my arm not paying attention to where the candles were. Gouged my leg on a bed corner. Even once got carpet burn on my cock because of too much grinding.

Still at no time did I ever stop the show because of injury. Just winched a bit more and got the job done. Comedian Christopher Titus also admits to a few in his "Love is Evol" special that are funnier. Things like doing a sexy porn type stripper routine while taking his shirt off only to stick his hand in the ceiling fan going at full speed. I'm sure women have had their heads beaten up by the bed's headboard a few times...but that's why we gave you the helmet Ladies. It's not our fault you don't put it on.

Taking a Peek at The Hilarious, Occasionally Embarrassing Side of Sex

Documentation

At sometime in your sexual escapades you'll have the often mistaken "Brilliant" idea to make a video. You're not a Director or even a licensed Camera Operator but somehow you think your years of watching movies will pay off here. It won't. You can try to do the whole POV thing but in the middle of sex you're not going to be the most stable camera person. A lot of zooming in and out, the camera swapping hands from yours to hers or left to right can make it look like sex during an Earthquake.

You can still try the tripod set up. With a fixed position you'll be sure to look like two... beached whales struggling to get back in the sea. There is a third option of having someone film you but it's kinda creepy and you're not a Porn Star so maintaining arousal may be problematic, your choice.

Taking a Peek at The Hilarious, Occasionally Embarrassing Side of Sex

Oral

I've never had the end all, be all of blowjobs so I've learned to have other kinds of fun with them. Such as overacting during, pretending to climax while holding a girlfriend in place down there and I've even "freaked" out when a woman tried to give me a Bj because I never heard of one before. And when it was my turn I'd give proper blowjobs to the woman and actually blow air in her pussy. The last time I was awoken by morning head I said "Not now Josh.." to which we both laughed. (Josh was her dog)

Taking a Peek at The Hilarious, Occasionally Embarrassing Side of Sex

Teasing

Making your partner super horny and leaving at the right time is always good for a laugh. I've been put through some interesting teasing over the years. I've been made hard only to have ice dumped down my pants. I've been teased to the point of madness only to have a woman tell me she was on her period... but it didn't stop me.

I've also given as good as I've got. I've left a tied up and blindfolded woman alone in the bedroom thinking I left the apartment for 20 minutes. I've also faked falling asleep while making out and waking up only after she put on her coat to leave. I've even faked losing food in her pussy saying "I don't want you to panic but..." It's all good fun to keep your partners on their toes. Just remember two things: Payback is only fair and Hot Sauce burns down there! (Don't ask.)

Taking a Peek at The Hilarious, Occasionally Embarrassing Side of Sex

Well that's my list. Feel free to add anything I've forgotten. Sex is great but it's okay to have fun every now and then.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Monty Python and that last picture are hilarious.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I've had a lot of that happened before, lol

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Lol a lot of that sounds awesome

  • Definitely true. If you can't be cooky during ti, and you take everything so seriously, you're definitely having sex with the wrong person...