Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Many people nowadays believe that individuals who experiment and engage in premarital sex should foster better, long-term relationships and that those couples who discover they are sexually incompatible should select out of their relationship. You see this belief across the Internet, including GirlsAskGuys.
But does this pre-marital sexual experimentation/involvement lead to longer, more satisfying relationships?
The following study explores this question.
The study sampled 10,932 unmarried individuals who took the RELATE instrument. All individuals self-reported being in “serious or steady” relationships or being engaged to their partners. The RELATE instrument is published by the RELATE Institute, which has as its mission the improvement of couple relationship through basic research and intervention.
61% of the sample was in their twenties, and 26% in their thirties. 15% of respondents indicated that they had one or more children in previous or current relationships. Of the sample, 57% indicated they had completed a college degree, while 4.7% indicated a high school degree or less. In the total sample, 20% had completed a graduate or professional degree.
The charts above illustrate the demographics of the sample population.
The largest proportion of individuals indicated they had had sex after waiting at least a few weeks once they began dating (47.9%). The next largest group was those who indicated they had had sex on the first date or within the first few weeks of dating (35.5%), followed by those who indicated having sex prior to the first date (9.9%) and those who indicated never having had sex (6.6%). There seems to be .1% of people missing. Since this is a survey, I assume that the .1% may be non-responders or some kind of statistical fluke.
and those who indicated never having had sex (6.6%)
The study does mention its own limitations. First, sexual timing is only one indicator of relationship health and well-being. Second, the findings are derived from cross-sectional data and thus can only hint at possible longitudinal causal pathways. Third, the researchers used only a one-item assessment of previous sexual history that may not fully capture the sexual experiences of each partner. Last, the sample may have too many people who are more educated, more income, and more commitment to their relationships than a truly representative sample.
In the population surveyed, the researchers found that the study supports the sexual restraint theory, which argues that couples who delay or abstain from sexual involvement during the dating process are more likely to enjoy long-term relationship quality and success. The longer couples delay (the ultimate delay is sex within marriage only), the higher the satisfaction.
This finding adds to the growing body of evidence in sexology.
In 2004, Metts studied the dating relationships of 286 college students and found that when higher levels of commitment were present, sexual involvement was more likely to be perceived as a positive turning point in the relationship, increasing understanding, commitment, trust, and a sense of security. However, when emotional expression and commitment did not precede sexual involvement, the experience was significantly more likely to be perceived as a negative turning point, evoking regret, uncertainty, and discomfort.
In 2010, Busby and colleagues extended these early findings by using a couple formation perspective to study sexual timing in a national sample of 2,035 married individuals. This study found that the longer a couple waited while dating to become sexually involved, the better the relationship was after marriage. In fact, couples who waited until marriage to have sex compared to those who started having sex early in their relationship reported higher marital satisfaction, better communication patterns, less consideration of divorce, and better sexual quality. These patterns were statistically significant even when controlling for a variety of other variables, such as the number of sexual partners, education, religiosity, and relationship length. For couples that became sexually involved later in their dating but before marriage, the benefits were about half as strong.
Casual sex, “friends with benefits” or “hooking up,” has become more common among young adults in recent decades (Owen & Fincham, 2011). Sometimes, casual sex can lead to a relationship, and when it does, it has significantly lower relationship quality while dating compared to individuals who initiated sex after formalizing the relationship. (Paik 2010)
A sexual restraint model has been developed, suggesting that couples who delay or abstain from sexual intimacy during early couple formation allow communication and other social processes to become the foundation of their attraction to each other, a developmental difference that may become critical as couples move past an initial period of sexual attraction and excitement into a relationship more characterized by companionship and partnership.
My interpretation of the sexual restraint model is that couples who abstain from pre-marital sex or delay sexual activity in the relationship allow friendship to be the foundation. If sexual attraction/desire falters, which it will as time passes by (Klusmann, 2002; Pedersen & Blekesaune, 2003), the relationship will still continue, because it is not based on sex, but on genuine caring love.
Why are casual sex and premarital sex correlated with short-term relationships and relationship failure?
Under the Interpersonal Exchange Model of Sexual Satisfaction, individuals’ sexual satisfaction is connected to their evaluation between actual sexual rewards and their expectation of what rewards should exist. If actual sexual rewards are not in line with expected sexual rewards, then sexual satisfaction, and by extension relationship satisfaction, will decline.
Therefore, couples who engage in early sex within their relationship may have high expectations for future sexual behavior, including expectations regarding sexual frequency, sexual behaviors, and partner interest in engaging in sex. Unfortunately for them, the frequency of sex declines as relationships progress, and thus the relationship dissolves. So is the love life of the people who think that pre-marital or early sexual experimentation will lead to better relationships.
References
Busby, D. M., Carroll, J. S., & Willoughby, B. J. (2010). Compatibility or restraint: The effects of sexual timing on marriage relationships. Journal of Family Psychology, 766–774.
Klusmann, D. (2002). Sexual motivation and the duration of partnership. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 275–287.
Metts, S. (2004). First sexual involvement in romantic relationships: An empirical investigation of communicative framing, romantic beliefs, and attachment orientation in the passion turning point. The handbook of sexuality, 135–158.
Owen, J., & Fincham, F. D. (2011). Effects of gender and psychosocial factors on ‘‘friends with benefits’’ relationships among young adults. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 311–320.
Paik, A. (2010). ‘‘Hookups,’’ dating, and relationship quality: Does the type of sexual involvement matters? Social Science Research, 739–753.
Pedersen, W., & Blekesaune, M. (2003). Sexual satisfaction in young adulthood: Cohabitation, committed dating, or unattached life? Acta Sociologica, 179–193.
Willoughby, B. J., Carroll, J. S., & Busby, D. M. (2014). Differing relationship outcomes when sex happens before, on, or after first dates. Journal of Sex Research, 52-61.
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