Sexual Relationships
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"Slut-Shaming:" We Need to Stop Abusing That Term

“Slut Shaming”

"Slut-Shaming:" We Need to Stop Abusing That Term

**Shaming someone nonsensically out of context is wrong. This is a take as to why rejecting someone because of their sexual history is not "slut shaming"**

It’s becoming absolutely ridiculous that women will sleep with 50 plus guys and yell slut shame because their significant other had a negative reaction. Their partner's sexual history is absolutely their business and you’re naive to say otherwise. If my girlfriend was some prior BDSM freak than I would like to know.. just as I would like to know if she slept with 50 plus people. Just as I judge my partner's compatibility in a long term relationship based on her values and family upbringing.. I don't just negate their sexual history completley because it's not "politically correct"*

Why your partner's history is absolutely a part of your business

"Slut-Shaming:" We Need to Stop Abusing That Term

Why..? It shows a lot about their character. Women typically don’t sleep around because they just genuinely enjoy sex. Do some of them do it just because they love sex that much? Sure but the majority of them do it out of insecurity and validation and there is no denying that. Stop saying men and women are completely equal in are biologically wiring because we are not. I believe that a lot promiscuous girls are insecure. But not that all insecure girls are promiscuous.

If my girlfriend had slept with that many people then that is an indicator to me she most likely did it from ulterior motives other than she the fact that she just enjoys sex. What happens if we have a hiccup in a relationship and she is unable to communicate with me in the way she wants to.. she feels lonely. She will more then likely resort back to old ways. If this was her reaction to such a stressor and how she handled these emotions prior.. why would she not have urges to resort back to her old ways? Think with logic guys.. you can’t just be naive and say "love" trumps all.


If you cannot sympathize with your partner's reasons as to why that puts him or her in a sticky situation than you obviously do not have the emotional maturity to be in a monogamous relationship. Your partner's concerns are your concerns and you can’t just negate or disapprove their feelings because it offends you. They are entitled to their feelings and opinions.. they deserve to be heard instead of nullified and shamed themselves. What irony.. am I right or am I right?

"Slut-Shaming:" We Need to Stop Abusing That Term

Why you need judgement in choosing a partner

(https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/brentano-judgement/)

"Slut-Shaming:" We Need to Stop Abusing That Term

Judgement is a tool that we use to assess a situation for what it is. We need confidence of the people we choose to represent us and love us. We want assurance that they are going to exhibit good behavior of make moral decisions.


Just as judgement is a necessary tool.. it also has ramifications. Moderation is key and being concerned at such a red flag of sleeping with an overabundance of different people for a prolonged period of time is absolutely within that moderation.

Brentano’s theory on judgement states if the act of negation is conceived of as a basic form of judgement and the ultimate ground for our understanding of truth and falsity, then the question arises what one should say about negative concepts, e.g. the concept ‘not great’. It might seem that one can form such concepts prior to engaging in an act of judgement, hence also prior to forming a negative judgement. But can one form such negative concepts merely by thinking of an object that appears not to be great, without judging about its greatness?

While using judgement carries with it a negative notion.. it’s none the less a necessity. We need judgement to protect ourselves and make quality decisions.

Marrying a girl who slept with 100 guys prior to you is not a quality decision. Men/Women wonder why they get cheated on.. Stop being naive and protect yourselves people.

Getting in a monogamous relationship with this girl is not a quality decision..

Why Can’t Most Women Just Have Sex Without Emotion?

(https://psychcentral.com/lib/friends-with-benefits-can-women-handle-it)

**It's generally not in a woman's best interest to have multiple sexual partners.. this further raises the concern as to why they would choose to do so. (insecurity.. validation..emotional issues.. ect). Men can fall in this category as well but it's well known that women treat sex with a lot more emotion from a general perspective**


Part of the reason is grounded in classic behavioral psychology. Give a pigeon a treat every time he pecks a bar and he really wants to peck that bar. You and your friends with benefits hung out as friends because of shared interests in politics, Proust, and baseball, not because you saw him as date material. You know he cheated on every woman he ever dated. You know that he has major hangups about commitment. You know there’s a trail of emotional wreckage in his wake. Before you started sleeping with him, you ignored his flaws as a romantic partner. But now – now the powerful, positive feelings of orgasm may make all that seem like small stuff. Orgasm is a powerful reinforcer of behavior for both sexes. It’s fun. It feels great. When paired with a particular person over time, it can make a casual sexual partner look good — very, very good.


Looking good can start to look like love, whether the person is really appropriate or not. You might start convincing yourself that with you, he’ll be different; that a couple of people who share such a powerful connection are meant for each other. Mention this to the guy, and he’s likely to be surprised and upset. He figured you knew what you were getting into. Why would you think he was going to change?

**Why most women are not biologically setup this way**

"Slut-Shaming:" We Need to Stop Abusing That Term

Another reason is biological.. Both men and women release oxytocin, the hormone and neurotransmitter, during orgasm. Oxytocin calms us down, soothes our anxieties, and mellows us out. It’s also a key biological factor that bonds people to each other. Some research shows that it is associated with the ability to maintain healthy relationships. This is the hormone that is released during childbirth. It also surges when women nurse their babies. Sometimes called the “cuddle hormone,” it’s what helps parents bond with their babies and women bond with their mates. It’s often what makes a woman start to see a friends with benefits arrangement as meaning more. She bonds. He doesn’t. One day she whispers, “Maybe I love you.” He’s outraged. He’s bummed. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This wasn’t the deal! Tell that to your hormones.


Some of it seems to be evolutionarily hardwired. Where men seem to be engineered to sow their “wild oats,” women have, at least historically, been focused on finding a stable mate and settling down to the business of making a family. The tension between those two forces is at the core of romantic love. When the male singles out a particular woman as the object of his emotional and sexual attraction, it’s powerful stuff. When a woman sees that man as the person who can partner with her to make a family and a life, she reciprocates with ardor. (There’s that oxytocin again!) However antiquated those tendencies may seem, they’ve guaranteed the survival of the species and are unlikely to die easily. If he’s still “sowing” but your more basic self is into nesting, there’s going to be a big problem with your friends with benefits arrangement.

**Our generation and values**

"Slut-Shaming:" We Need to Stop Abusing That Term

Some times.. it is about how you were raised. Times may be changing but they haven’t changed evenly or universally. The double standard still exists for the majority of the world. Only a few generations ago in America, women who had sex before marriage were seen as “loose” and immoral. Men who had sex before marriage were seen as “scoring.” Then came the ’60s, birth control, and sexual liberation. Yes? Well – sometimes and for some. There are still many families that promote sexual abstinence and churches and organizations that celebrate chastity pledges for young girls. There are many places and cultures in the world that place high value on female virginity.


If you were raised with such values, they may well argue with the part of you that wants to explore your sexuality freely and with no strings attached. Often, the resolution is to fall in love with the friends with benefits as a way to justify your actions. After all, you persuade yourself, if you are going to marry the guy, it’s okay to have had sex. The solution falls apart if he’s not there with you.


We live in a time when TV dramas (even comedies) and movies tout sex among unmarried couples and friends as a norm and friends with benefits arrangements as a solution to sexual frustration. But as with most things, what’s a good story may not play out so well in life. Can women engage in a friends with benefits relationship without becoming yet another romantic casualty statistic? Yes. Some can. But it’s important to recognize that even in the 2000s it is generally more challenging for women to keep it up than it is for men. Cruise the Internet for advice on friends with benefits and you’ll find multiple “rules” for keeping a relationship merely sexual.

Take Responsibility For Your Actions
"Slut-Shaming:" We Need to Stop Abusing That Term

I think sex has a lot of benefits and if you aren't having sex then you are missing out on one of life's greatest joys. It's great to explore your sexuality but just like anything.. if you take to extreme lengths then know note that are repercussions that follow.

I sleep around and hook up because I genuinely love sex. I'm a self admitted sloot. That being said I understand that it will turn off a lot of future partners. I would completely understand if a girl were to reject me for those reasons. You need to take responsibility for your actions and stop waving this off like with some nonsensical rationale screaming "slut shamer". Stop playing the victim card because it's cringe beyond belief. White knights defending these types are women are even more cringe.

Disapproving of your partner's red flagged history is not condemned by any means as slut shaming. While some men are insecure in themselves and are often intimidated if their partner has more sexual experience it should not be your go to reaction to say a guy is insecure because he has standards. Not everyone who has standards is insecure in themselves and intimidated of you. If you are a sexually repressed man or misogynist shaming women and stemming your insecurities onto them for no reason you are just as bad if not worst.

Concluding...

I'm all for doing you and not worrying about others. If sex and hookups are your thing you fuck like a pornstar then kudos to you.. as long as you're enjoying your life. Just don't tell everyone that doesn't have your same values that they are slut shaming. Don't expect your future partners to just automatically be fine with you having a high slay count.

Will I marry a virgin..? No I'm almost certain I wouldn't.. I don't think a virgin would want to marry me. It would be a major double standard for me to expect that.. I accept my actions for what they are and don't try to reverse the cards on others.

There are so many misconstrued definitions as to what constitutes as "slut shaming". If you disagree with me and believe what I stated does equate to "slut shaming" then you people need to wake up and start utilizing the left side of your brain a little more. Social norms or mores are the rules of behavior that are considered acceptable in a group or society. People who do not follow these norms may be shunned or suffer some kind of consequence. Can you imagine what this world would be like without social norms?

What's next..? #StopPedophileShaming ?

"Slut-Shaming:" We Need to Stop Abusing That Term
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Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree 100%

    If I am making an investment of my time, money, and emotions into a person I have a right to weigh all the factors and make an informed decision on if I want to make a serious commitment to them. Girls commonly have preferences on things like the number of inches a guy stands off the ground (height) or the number of dollars in their bank account but if a guy has a preference for the number of sexual partners his girlfriend has then they suddenly cry foul. Also it’s not like girls don’t also have preferences on sexual history for their partners. There are girls who also prefer a partner who can count all his partners on one hand. It's not like this huge divide where all guys demand virgins where all girls would happily walk down the aisle with an ex man-whore.

    As far as judgement, all judge means is to examine something and form either a favorable or unfavorable opinion on it. We judge everything like looks, intelligence, personality, humor etc. If you turn someone down because you are not attracted to them, you have judged their appearance as unsatisfactory by your standards. Of all the characteristics you could reject someone for, sexual history is something that was 100% within their control. Instead of rejecting them for something they had no control over, you are rejecting them for something that was a result of their personal choices but somehow that is more shallow than rejecting someone for something like intelligence which they had no control over.

    The other thing that turns me off is how they seem entitled to having a guy overlook their past and act like any guy that has even the slightest problem with their past is a complete asshole. I am much more likely to date a girl who has slept around but has a more non-confrontational attitude about it.

    Oh by the way your link about fwbs didn’t work. Do you have another link to the same study?

    • you have control over intelligence brah.

    • @IamLouise You have control over knowledge but not intelligence.

Most Helpful Girl

  • "Why? It shows a lot about their character. Women typically don’t sleep around because they just genuinely enjoy sex. Do some of them do it just because they love sex that much? Sure but the majority of them do it out of insecurity and validation and there is no denying that."

    ^^
    ... Except pretty much exactly the same thing is true for guys, too.

    There are *a handful* of guys who are looking to "rack up big numbers" because they genuinely love women, and love sex, and are simply addicted to those first few moments with a partner who's genuinely NEW -- with a whole new set of inhibitions, and a whole new set of aggressions, and a whole new set of preferences and tendences and quirks and fetishes and sounds and smells and habits.
    These are the guys who are legitimately trying to... "diversify their portfolio" of experiences as much as possible.

    THE REST of the guys who are trying to rack up their numbers as much as possible -- especially the ones with this attitude of "10 or gtfo", where they're hyper-sensitive to what OTHER guys think about the looks/beauty of the women they go home with -- are every bit as insecure, and every bit as manipulable, as the women you're calling out in this take.
    They happen to have looks and/or "game" to allow them to bed lots of women, but... yeah, dude, nope. Nope.

    Some of us are genuinely lovers, who love making lovely fuckin' love. And among us, there are just as many women as there are men.

    • I mentioned all that and historically women are typically approaching sex with much more emotion versus men. I also explained that it's not in a woman's best interest to do a friends with benefits. A lot of the times they do this just hoping they will change a guy's mind. I've had this happen to me before plenty. Men and women are biologically programed differently. A friends with benefits situation is much more suitable for men. Are there men and women that break this? Absolutely but for most part it lays out like that. I mentioned that some women genuinely do love sex etc..

    • Obviously you're not totally wrong, but, I think you're missing the point. Or, more accurately, you're missing the main difference between women and men here. The main difference between women and men, here, is this: Let "X" stand for the minimum threshold of looks / physical attraction that someone wants in a LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP. The difference is, MEN are absolutely willing to go BELOW "X" for a friends-with-benefits or fling situation... and WOMEN normally aren't, at all. If men were no longer willing to do that -- or if women WERE willing to do that -- then all of these differences you're talking about here, would magically *poof* COMPLETELY DISAPPEAR.

    • Well you are rendering my statement of women mostly do it out of insecurity in comparison to men null despite what what I've laid out. Nothing else I can say to validate my point if you just disagree it. Now you're saying men are willing to lower standards much more so than women. I don't see the correlation or the validity you are trying prove because that's going on the outskirts of the main topic. I'm not denying that there are exceptions but generally and historically speaking women sloot around out of insecurity much more so than men. I don't agree with what you said at all either. I have standards and I'm not going below my standards to just hookup. Neither are most of my friends.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I absolutely agree with the judgment part. We need judgment so we know who to stay away from if they don't care about your life. You ask or at some point demand to be tested for STD's and show evidence, they get upset. But meanwhile they want to have sex with you. If my mom made the right choice to remain a virgin till marriage like she had said, she wouldn't be regretting it and be alive today. She lost her life to cervical cancer at 44, and had HPV from a guy at 13 as a virgin who never told her he had sex with prostitutes before her. She wanted to live and grow old with my father. Now she can't. It took her life rapidly in less then 3 years from stage II to Terminal by last Fall and died last Dec before Christmas. Contraceptives, birth control, vaccine shots or not, it isn't worth the risk. Nobody needs to be called a slut, but the problem is people will do what they want to do at the expense of your life and become the term anyway. What makes it worse is that they don't care for the ones that don't. Others do it more because they think it's normal. Nobody should be exploiting their sexual business in the first place, but want to know why their getting called out for it. But a guy cannot go around calling out girls for being one if he is being a whoremonger himself chasing skirt. Nobody is any better, young or old, married or not. That's how I see it. Your doing wrong? Then your doing wrong. I can't change people. They have to want it themselves.

  • So many good points.

  • Slut-shaming = calling someone a slut, or just in general calling someone derogatory names for having sex the way they like it.
    It's fine to want a partner who hasn't slept around with 100s of other people (given that you're not being a hypocrite of course). But slut-shaming literally is calling someone names and/or bullying them for their sex life. There's the difference between just a preference, and going out of your way to make someone feel bad about what kind of sex life they have.
    If you do the latter, you're slut-shaming. And that's what I've seen most people call it. I rarely see people genuinely feel slut-shamed just because someone has voiced their opinion in a neutral, non-attacking, non-aggressive way concerning past partners and the like. The term isn't being abused. For the most part, people are unnecessarily slut-shaming and being obnoxiously aggressive and spiteful when they're voicing their opinions concerning past partner counts etc.

    • Slut shaming is calling somebody a slut for being a slut. If that's offensive to you or makes you feel bad, don't be a slut. If not, slut away.

    • @SnatchFinderGeneral or maybe stop going out of your way to be antagonistic towards people when it's none of your business?

    • lmfao what dude you're antagonistic towards every one of my questions or opinions. Literally anything I say you have a condescending opposition.

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  • I do agree, fundamentally, that everyone should take responsability for their actions. One can't sleep with everything that moves then get offended when a more conservative person disagrees with that particular lifestyle.
    However, "slut shaming" does exist.. it's not made up (at least not always). and sometimes it's exagerated. Some women are judged "sluts" simply for not being a virgin. Other women geniunly fall in love quickly (and therefore, acquire that "emotionnal bond" you talked about) and have sex with the guy as part of the relationship, then when it ends, they go through the whole thing with someone else. (they're not sluts, they just geniunly look for the right one for them). People are quick to judge women sluts EVEN if it's not true. whereas guys who sleep with a lot more women and for no reason but sex itself are never called names for that lifestyle. What I'm saying is that even though I agree with your general idea, there are times where "slut shaming" can truly be unfair to women (or worse, to teenage girls).

    • Of course all I'm saying is that rejecting your partner because of their sexual history is not slut shaming. People are entitled to their preferences and allowed to judge when it comes to dating.

    • I just hate these "Strong/Independent" women that think they are all bad because they fuck a lot of dudes.. the "It's my body gtfo" type of attitude. Then these same girls try and tell other guys they are insecure because they don't have their same values. It's obv as fuck those types of girls are insecure af.

    • Yes, partners are definitely allowed to judge; it's a natural reaction.. Some people might be confident enough not to and that's great. But there's also nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone who shares your values, it's not "slut shaming".

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  • Agreed.

  • This entire idea is predicated around around the idea or notion that girls start off pure and through sexual activity become less than they were. It supports the idea that sex for girls is bad and the more of it they have the worst they are. And it is the very definition of slut shaming...

    • its kinda true tough..

    • It's the truth, mostly. Though, an impure heart and mind precede a sexually impure body, and the former two are a lot more destructive if left untreated. Since pride is involved in the equation of sex, it can lead to a variety of other acts of bad judgment.

  • I actually agree with you.
    You can choose the partners you want. I have absolutely no problem with that. That's not what I would call slut shaming though. The problem is not that you want a partner with a low count, the problem is how you talk about not wanting a slut. The word slut itself is a negatively loaded word. Calling someone a slut is like telling her she is a worthless human being for having sex with multiple partners. She is less than human to you. There is my problem. Calling her a slut is like punishing her for having a behavior you do not agree with.

    You could just say I do not want a promiscuous girl in my life and I would respect your opinion and defend it even if I personally don't think this way. I think it's important to be able to decide what we want. The minute you start calling them sluts and talking about them like they are sub-human beings, then you lost me. You don't have to do that. It adds nothing to the discussion and it changes nothing at all but how the people see you.
    Choose to be with who you want. Don't shame other people for their sexuality.

  • I'm feeling so slut shamed right now 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😥😥😥😥😥😥😥

    • You should be.

    • @Vivaldi Whoa

    • @OrdinaryGentleman so much hostility from mr. crazy eyes 😰

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  • Dude, you talk all the time about how much you love smashing and rough sex! You can judge the girls you do it with because why? you're the same as them. I think you're jelly they have more options than you do, w/o even trying. Lots of guys fall in <3 with friends with benefits too by the way. But I think if you see someone multiple times of course you get attached eventually. But guys are promiscuous to compete with other guys, or at least that's what I was told.

    • Lol you didn't read the whole take obviously.

    • His point was refusing to date a girl who is promiscuous is not slut-shaming. He didn't say anything about girls or guys being promiscuous. He was talking about people having standards and one of them being not dating promisuous person, which doesn't equate to slut-shaming as they are not obliged.

    • @Oram52 But he tries to make himself come off as being promiscuous, probably because he's trying to impress girls and guys! So you could say that's insecurity. @take owner too. I don't think you want a slutty girl because she has a higher # than you do. Why else do you brag a lot?

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  • Agreed.

    If you're old enough to fuck 50 dudes, you're old enough to take responsibility for your actions.
    Believing everyone is gonna be ok with what you do is naive and childish. Demanding people to like what you do, is hypocritical, and conceited.

    I'm all for sluts being sluts. If you wanna fuck 50 guys, go ahead, but don't cry when others call you a slut, or reject you for what you've done.

  • I myself wouldn't want a woman who's slept with dozens of guys. And I do hate all that new-age uni-bologna terminology: "slut shaming." To me all it's ever been is a scare tactic "sexually liberated" women want to use as a reason for why they do want to fuck with no strings attached. And it's basically their own double-standard: first they complain about guys' sexual behavior, now they want it to be okay if they can act the same way. Which one is it? You either agree with loose behavior or you don't. You can't try to make it be okay just because you're ready to do it.

    Having said that, I don't really think women are less inclined to want casual sex because of hormones. That has little to do with it. We choose what we want to do regardless of our hormones. To blame it on chemistry takes the responsibility out of our actions.

  • I don't "slut shame" but if I detect a girl's vagina is worn down to the wear indicators, I'll head for the exit. If you pay attention instead of just heading for the pussy, it's easy to tell.

    • why would you head for the exit?

  • Genuinely shocked as to the amount of girls who agree with this. Anyway, yea man. I agree about what you said that what a woman did and how far she went in the past you should know about because, yes, it does say something about compatibility and how the relationship might turn out. Your segment about how women shouldn't sleep around due to how their hormones operate is questionable to me for some reason, but then again that's probably my very liberal upbringing speaking to me so I'll ignore it. Good take!

    • Studies show the amount of men a women sleeps with the more likely for her to divorce your ass.

    • @IamLouise That's exactly what I'm agreeing with.

  • A good mytake and interesting outlook *thumbs up*

  • Women can sleep with as many people as they want to but no-one will take them seriously again. Especially not a man. A guy will screw anything but he won't take anything seriously enough to want a relationship with. Why would you want to label yourself as trash because thats what sluts are to most guys and most decent women. Just trash. Sex takes its toll an a woman more than a man. there's more negative consequences like unplanned pregnancies and since we cherish our young here we get angry when women are free and easy and could potentially make a kid that will either be abused, neglected or maybe aborted just because she wants to show society that she can open her legs and get abused off of men. It sounds to me like people are looking for an excuse to drop any morality or principle and act like animals now. The youth of this western world disgust me these days. The guys are pathetic and the women are vulgur. Theyre like caricatures of people

  • Nobody forces anyone to date a 'slut'. If you don't want her , avoid her, don't shame her.

  • just dont date sluts. i dated a slut once back in my late teens. never again.

  • i think we should stop neglecting shame as a tool to help people adjust their social behavior in order to better live with people around them. if you do something that the majority of people around you disagree with or if you behave in a way that's not seen as good, you should be shamed.

  • Lol I've actually heard people argue for pedophiles, saying what's wrong with it?😳

    But this is a great my take and I completely agree with you in most things. However, coming from a virgin, I wouldn't care how many girls the guy I'm with sleeps with. Yeah it will make me a little more cautious when I lose it to him and I'll forsure make him get tested, but it wouldn't make me stop dating someone. I think people are able to grow up and realize they don't want that life anymore.

    • Wait your a virgin? Didn't you have a boyfriend off tinder?

    • @IamLouise yup

  • I am a voluntary virgin but I don't care about my partner's sexual history as long as he respects the physical boundaries I've set for our relationship.

    • said the 17 year old girl.

    • @Vivaldi Her opinion is very average and the same as the older people I know lol

    • @Vivaldi : Virgin shaming is worse yet. And a lot more destructive to treat someone of virtue like they are doing wrong, than to remind the guilty of their guilt. Don't bully virgins. It can be ridiculously psychologically damaging, as you create in others an unhealthy drive for self validation solely to avenge themselves over your remarks. And from there, they see you as something to be defied- possibly for life.

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