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Why Guys Need to Stop Watching Porn and Start Living in Reality

Why Guys Need to Stop Watching Porn and Start Living in Reality

Seriously, guys. Just stop. You're bringing your warped perceptions into reality and for a lot of women, it's either scary or just plain bizarre.

I've dated my fair share of men over the years but recently, it seems like I'm only coming across guys who believe all sex should be exactly like it appears in porn. Not only do they expect me to do certain things I am NOT comfortable doing (a big fat thank you to all that twisted porn out there), but there's another nasty little consequence, and it doesn't involve women:

Men are putting immense pressure on themselves and it's turning them into fucking basket-cases in bed.

The guys in porn aren't normal. The penis size isn't normal, the stamina isn't normal, NOTHING about is normal. If your expectations are based on that and you're not particularly familiar with the whole sex thing, you're going to be in for a very rude awakening. Most guys are not Casanovas. I mean shit, most of them don't even know how to satisfy a woman for more than fifteen minutes at a stretch. And yet, they're putting even more pressure on themselves by watching a bunch of totally unrealistic porn, and then freaking out because they can't mimic it.

Why Guys Need to Stop Watching Porn and Start Living in Reality

Yes, this is really less about making us women do crazy stuff in bed (or thinking we're going to act and react like the female pornstar), and more about what this porn is doing to men's heads. It's really screwing with them badly. You'd think they'd be able to separate reality from fantasy but strangely, it seems it's becoming a bigger and bigger issue, even among older men. I expect guys in their teens and early 20s to be a little messed up because of all the porn, combined with a significant lack of experience. But what is the deal with guys in their 30s and even 40s? Why are THEY suddenly having trouble differentiating between fact and fiction?

I'm not really sure what's going on, but all I can say is: STOP WATCHING SO MUCH PORN! Maybe you guys are seeing it as educational or some such crap, but it isn't. It's just filling your head with all kinds of impossible junk, and it's not going to translate well to the real bedroom. Real women simply want to be loved; they want the best you've got, sure, but they really just want YOU. The real you. Not the fake dude who thinks anything less than an hour of sex with 78 different positions and 4 orgasms is a failure.

Why Guys Need to Stop Watching Porn and Start Living in Reality

Sometimes, there is no orgasm for us (and no, it's not always your fault, guys). Sometimes it's just not that great. This doesn't mean you should run out and slit your wrists, or get all depressed and wracked with anxiety whenever the clothes come off. It's the porn, damnit. It's turning you all into horribly self-conscious freaks who just can't seem to find the reality. And you know, it's not my responsibility to show you just how out-of-the-realm you're being. Maybe you should just stop watching so much porn and start doing more real women, or something. I dunno.

I just know this is getting ridiculous.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I mean, I always hear all this noise about how porn dudes all have massive dicks -- but, at least in the porn I look at, that just isn't true.

    If I look at porn, I usually search for...
    ... sadism/humiliation (of the woman)
    ... kissing/eye contact/other things one might call "romance"
    ... wedding dresses/wedding lingerie (yeah, shaddap lol)

    If I could ever find all three of these in one place, I'd be in heaven... but, sadly, I've only found that trifecta in videos my husband and I have made ourselves. <3

    ::ahem:: My point.

    My point is... The guys in THOSE kinds of porn, on the whole, seem to have pretty much perfectly average dicks, on average.
    There are SOME big ones -- but there are also some really small ones, too. This one French dude who makes some of the best slapping-girls-around videos actually has a really tiny knob, and, it doesn't really detract from anything.

    Even where you would THINK it would be instrumental to have a huge cock -- like the deep throat/gagging scenes -- I *still* haven't noticed a trend of being substantially bigger than normal. And I have a good sense of what "normal" is, in case you are going to ask.

    Honestly, if this horse-dick problem is a thing, it seems limited to only the most boring of "mainstream" porn.

    __

    As for "stamina"... God help any boy who doesn't have the common sense to realize that porn boys are hopped up on all the Viagra, cabergoline, and Caverject that their little hearts can handle.

    I mean... REALLY?
    Is there ANYONE out there who's stupid enough to think that non-amateur porn is being filmed with actors who are totally drug free? Oh sweet burnin' Lord.

    • Surely you have a contact or two in the adult film industry who can make you a video special, just for you lmao.

    • @Luci92 Girrlllll... IDEAS

    • About the size thing: it really depends on the type of porn. If it's not a big company, you'll find just about anything. But if you stick to one company, you'll notice a trend that doesn't seem normal at all. (think brazzers, reality kings, naughty america, etc). With that said, every guy knows what's normal irrespectable of porn. It's not porn that puts it in their heads. It's they themselves and the jokes of friends.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree on something you're saying here: a lot of dudes don't come out of the porn fantasy, and they project their own male fantasies onto females, which aren't similar at all.

    I'm not against porn, or nor I think men shouldn't watch it. But male sexual projection onto females is as bad as female projection towards males (which is another topic).

    It pisses me off some. dudes don't know how to develop women sexually out there, or show them sex can be such an awesome thing for them. No wonder a lot of women think sex is overrated, when they had guys masturbating inside their pussy, basically. Women need the stimuli, the seduction, passion, and all t he orgasms they can get to feel that spark. And yes, much of this can be atttibuted to porn.

    Actually, it's those dudes loss too, considering if you don't please a female she won't come back for more, or won't enthusiasticly do at least.

    • enthusiastically**

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What Girls & Guys Said

22 100

  • ... true.
    Assuming that ALL men who watch porn assume that sex and women they'll have sex with in rl will behave like porn stars do. Which isn't true and applies ot only a very small minority. You also forgot to add that porn is not watched exclusively by men. Many women, myself included, watch it. Hell, I watch it relatively often WITH my boyfriend. Neither of us have any sort of unrealistic expectations as a result and somehow manage to have great sex on the regular.

    • So if porn has a negative effect on men how do you feel it affects women?

    • @Derik89 ... it doesn't have a negative effect on men or women. You do realize that men who rely on only porn to get themselves to cum were probably too socially inept to approach or be able to normally interact with women, especially, BEFORE relying on porn, yeah? Stop trying to shift the blame.

    • I'm not shifting blame... I believe its not healthy but I know it's lot more commons for men to watch so I was sure the effect on women who watch are the same as well

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  • Agreed. I'm glad my boyfriend has no interest in porn. He's studying to be a social worker and morally has a problem with porn due to the fact that he is very passionate about human trafficking and doesn't like how women are treated in porn. My boyfriend can't even watch a tv series where a woman shows her boobs without him saying "why was that needed" or "how is this relevant to the story". To a certain extent I won't say men should ever watch porn ever but a lot of guys are just obsessed with it, even some ladies.

    • What about the scenes where they pay hookers in Southeast Asia to do everything. Lol.

    • @BigBallerSodaPop What?

  • I don't agree with you. I watch porn myself and I like it. Porn is just a tool. A sex tool. Like a vibrator, except mental rather than physical. There's lots of good realistic true to life porn out there. If I was dating, I would never date any guy who didn't watch porn. Sure there are many different types of porn I don't care to watch and stuff I won't do, but so what. There are also many things I will do. :) If he wants to think of me as his personal porn star, I'm a-okay with that. Good open honest frank non-threatening communication and sexual compatibility are key.

  • You will take Rebecca Linares from my cold, dead, sticky hands.

    Most porn is around 30 minutes, but there's a lot thats 10-15. Mainstream. Trust me. I've done my homework on this.

    And I don't know what you're talking about. Porn seriously helped me out in bed. The natural progression in porn is actually like 3-7 different positions, starting with felacio. It's really not as absurd as you're making it out to be--without backing up your statements with examples. Except like once.

    Have you even watched porn?

  • I see your point and some guys do take porn literally and expect all women to behave like porn stars and love it. But you can watch porn a healthy amount and still have a healthy, respectful sex life. Some people just need material to get off.

  • It is true that women are not usually like the actresses you see in pornography, and that they aren't going to react similarly and maybe they won't be so willing to try something "twisted." But hey, that's where the escorts come in.

    With pornography, you have multiple categories to choose from. I think many people who watch porn will watch the pornography that includes the themes that they are interested in, and this is where the ideas come from when in the bedroom. While I don't agree with every type of fantasy and certainly hope that men in general can differentiate between fantasy and reality, men who are looking for a sexual relationship are probably going to want what they like to see in porn to be included into that. If you aren't interested in whichever fantasy they may have, then it's simply a matter of incompatibility. As for your observation on how porn affects everything else, well, sorry for your luck. I don't expect myself to perform on the same level as a pornstar and I know she doesn't expect that either, otherwise we'd both be in porn.

    It's not just about the sex for me, but sexual relationships are boring with a partner who is not kinky or at least open-minded.

  • My husband watches a lot of amateur porn. There is more realistic porn out there, I think.

    The stuff with all the lame theatrics and out-there situations and corny music I could live without... but for the most part, porn hasn't affected my husband's ideas about sex as far as I've noticed, even though historically he has watched quite a bit of it. I could just be lucky.

  • I don't fully agree (I definitely don't disagree though, hold on). Most men are very well aware that porn is not realistic in my experience, and it can actually be a good way for the two of you to explore your likes and dislikes if you're open to it. I feel the issue lies more with women being insecure about themselves and their sexuality, since we tend to be more conditioned to compare ourselves to unrealistic standards. Besides, there's nothing wrong with a little self fun.

    However, you ARE RIGHT that when it becomes an issue, you stop realizing that porn is a fantasy and it isn't real. When you start actually becoming addicted to it, and in turn stop paying mind and tenderness to your partner as a result, it is a BIG problem and at that point it is time to put the porn down. If it ever gets to the point where a guy is having his self esteem and sense of realism damaged, it's a big issue. My only differentiating point was that it isn't the only issue, but I'm sure you knew that.

    All in all good, well written take.

    • I accept that you have a valid point that porn can cause issues with penis envy and cause men to cease approaching women on the basis of fearing they are inadequate in this respect.

  • Reality and Porn should meet half way or there abouts some like it slightly toward the vanilla side of halfway others like me want it closer to the more hardcore porn side.
    Sex is for pleasure , expression , enjoyment , experimentation.
    Leave your insecurities and body issues at the door . relax and enjoy your sex . and if you and your partner/s can't find that balance between boring and kinky taboo you'll have a lot of fun together

  • I watch porn. And I don't ask them to do unnecessary stuff. And I don't have unrealistic expectations. And I satisfy them too. Your point?

    Maybe guys will stop watching porn when you will start fulfilling our sexual urges. We don't get sexual favours as easily as women, so please, don't tell us to discontinue our last choice.

    • last option*

    • Nuf said

    • @ThisDudeHere Girls get some sort of jealousy that we are watching other girls naked and enjoying it. Too much insecurity.

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  • I watch a fair bit of porn, so I don't really get this, what expectations are we talking about here. Admittedly I generally watch amateur stuff so maybe it's not quite the same thing.

  • It's hilarious to see some of the reponses this post gets. There is definitely some truth to this but not every guy reading this should feel personally attacked. No one is telling you what to do, a problem observed by many women is simply being pointed out.

  • Porn isn't bad in moderation, but I completely agree with too much porn being bad, even if you can put it off to hang out with friends or go to work. I know it was warping my perception of women to unrealistic standards and it was affecting my performance in bed.

  • WHY WOMEN NEED TO STOP USING VIBRATORS AND START LIVING IN REALITY.

    Or you know, let people have their fun.

    Generally when a guy has delved so far down the porn rabbit hole that he truly cannot distinguish fantasy from reality, then he was probably incapable of getting a woman in the first place.

    On that note, are you sure you aren't just making porn out to be a bigger bogeyman than it really is, here? Are we going to pretend like people can't have fantasies of their own accord that range from harmless to holy shit, call an exorcist?

    I'm willing to bet that the majority of male heterosexual porn watchers aren't paying all that much attention to a guys size or stamina or whatever else involving him. They mostly just want to watch an attractive girl or three get fucked. They'll boot up a porntube site, find a vid of a hot girl, skip ahead to find a nice position/camera angle and go to town.

    I mean hell, most guys enjoy lesbian porn. There's no unfair self comparison there.

    I mean... your own shitty experiences don't account for any real set of statistics that demonstrate that any significant number of men have this problem. Maybe YOU just attract addictive personalities or irrational behavior.

    I'm sure shit like 50 Shades of Grey, harlequin romance novels and weird fanfiction contributes to creating an unrealistic fantasy for women, but it's their job as an individual to learn to function in real life and understand what men are actually like.

    Maybe those guys in their 30s and 40s have been divorced or had an endless string of soul-sucking relationships that they simply turned to the comfort of Rosie Palms and whatever naughty flix they can find to get them through their shitty nights.

    Guys are generally going to be annoyed if they can't satisfy a women in bed regardless of the amount of porn they watch. Men don't like failing in front of women and you can't get any more in front of women than good old sex.

    Yeah man, men should totally stop watching so much porn and start doing real women! Let's totally ignore the fact that most porn addicts are so far away from being able to get women that that's not a viable option.

    This whole MyTake reeks of essentially telling men to start being "Real Men".

    • Lol, no chill. It seems that you watch a lot of porn. (kidding) In all honesty, I've dealt with a few guys (friends too!) who've had this problem. They literally had to stop themselves from watching so much because they got desentisised by it. My boyfriend was a porn addict and could not orgasm during sex the first few times. I can name 3 other guys in the same situation. The point is that men do observe porn in a certain way that gives them expectations, and not just expectations they can not meet. They expect that the right way to perform oral on a woman is like what they have seen in porn. It may or may not be true for you, but there are definitely a lot of men affected by this. Don't take it so personally, this is a real problem and women are recognising this problem. Not just this woman.

    • @Donanski That's my point, though. If someone you cared about had a drug/alcohol or gambling problem, you would probably want to help them. When guys have a porn addiction, the default female position is to scorn and ridicule them. It's also partially society's fault. Sexual education at least in the US where it's overly religiously fueled and has been quite taboo leads to no real learning process when it comes to actually learning what to do properly. Men are stuck with either trial and error where, admittedly, men can be stubborn when it comes to being taught especially when it involves their egos to such an extent, or porn. If legitimate sexual education videos were mainstream and more easily accessed (and I'm talking with actual scenes of sex for teaching purposes) and not considered taboo or just another form of porn, then maybe guys would have a better sexual teacher than Cum Fart Cocktails 17. Not taking anything personally. I just don't agree with her tone or approach here.

  • the reality is that people just need to understand that porn like anything media driven isn't supposed to be viewed so literally.

    not all girls have giant boobs, like anal sex, want to have their faces covered in ejaculate
    not all guys are 8inches and can have sex for 30 minutes before orgasming

    we as consumers simply need to be able to decipher reality from the fantastic world porn creates. if men and/or women are unable to recognize the difference then they should become more informed consumers or stop consuming. however, for many they can view porn for what it is. not reality but rather a sexual fantasy driven medium

  • I don't care if men watch porn. It just bothers me that because they see it in porn that they expect ME to do it and lot of things you see in porn, I'm not doing. I'm not doing threesomes. I'm not having sex at work. I'm not doing it the back of a car. I'm not doing anal. I'm not doing a gangbang. I'll pass on the BDSM. I will not dominate you. No, you may not dominate me.

  • you are right. I don't watch it, I've seen it long ago and stopped thankfully.

    Maybe there should be some new genre of it that is "realistic". I saw an English program about sex that was really good and probably just as good as porn, but it was educational... sex ed for women. Was really good.

    Getting a real relationship is the solution, but it is hard for a lot of guys that don't have the skills to date, relate, emotionally open, humor, etc.. And if a guy cannot communicate, understand dating, take lots of rejection and texting confusion, know how women think, he will get messed frustrated and hurt. The guys that get into relationships with the wrong women suffer as well as do the women. So, guys with their sexual urges will move to what is easy cop out. It is unfortunate.

    Dating and relationships needs to be fixed in our society, needs a lot of investment and work. huge opportunity for entreprenurial l minds...

  • I just think porn is disgusting and degrading to all persons involved. Especially if the guy or gal is in a relationship with someone. It's not that much different from cheating, and is therefore unacceptable.

    • Ugh, you sound like a barrel of laughs

    • @YourName123 Okay thanks.

  • Well written mytake. While I do enjoy porn here and there... responsibly lol, I agree with you that porn is messing up some if not many guys heads about what they do and how they look, as evidenced by the daily "am I big enough" questions on this site.
    We don't want 8 positions, we won't "squirt" when we feel great and we don't need every romantic interlude to end with a big wet facial.

    • I laughed for 10 minutes when I read the bit at the end of your comment , have you had someone wanting to reproduce "the money shot" with you?

    • @Primemutton glad it made you laugh. I was trying to shoot out a little humor (no pun intended) I've told my guy he can finish wherever he wants, but is't usually a less messy finale than the proverbial "money shot"

  • Eh this went over like every guy's head

    • can you explain how it did? I have seen many reasonable answers to this, one guy included females who also have unrealistic expectations. this isn't really a gender thing at this point.

    • @bobbyhill1 she isn't saying every guy should stop watching porn. She's warning about watching it excessively. And she's saying it often hurts a guy's self esteem. But the guys are saying she's whining about guys expectations of girls in bed and that they won't stop watching porn. When this literally isn't about that at all.

    • anybody can watch something excessively and still be able to separate fiction from reality. In her logic, people should also stop watching media, listening to rap, violent movies, games etc. if someone can't separate the two than the problem isn't porn but its the person. And yes, this isn't only a guy thing, girls do the same thing

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