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Women- Life Truly Begins at Forty-Reclaiming Sexy and Knowing Who You Really Are

Never fear the age of your forties. Yes all you girls and women out there, let me repeat, Never fear the age of your forties. This is what I have found to be true. When in my twenties I was a follower, and for the most part, was insecure. I have seen the posted questions here on GaG, guys wanting to know whey their partner is so needy/ clingy. Young women wanting to know how to stop being that way. Young women afraid that their guy will leave them. I believe one defines their identity in their twenties and into their thirties. Please don't ever dread hitting "my age". Some people ask me how I can write some of the opinions that I do. One Word: Experience. I have embraced getting older. I was scared to death of it in my thirties, but as you fall into it, something about us women, we tend to embrace it. Here is what it boils down to in my honest opinion: experience, hormones, renewed self confidence and, yes even extra-marital affairs. I cannot lie, it it not in my nature. My answer, and the answer from a majority of women my age and even older, EXPLORE your midlife sexuality and the hidden, unexpected joy to be found in it. That means many different things to different women.

Women- Life Truly Begins at Forty-Reclaiming Sexy and Knowing Who You Really Are

You see at 46, I don't care what people think. I say things at 46 that I would have never dreamed of saying 15 years ago. It was only a year ago that I was thinking, I am just not who I used to be. I turned 46 and tweaked some things, and must admit I have had an avalanche of male attention come my way! And yes ladies, they are men of all ages. Some younger women ask: Why the confidence at that age? Truthfully, because I have been there, and done that. No joke. Sexually, spiritually, and emotionally, I have just about felt it, and/or done it all! I have taken risks. I have thrown caution to the wind, but I have lived, and I have loved beyond measure. Regrets? Sure, we wouldn't be human if we didn't have those. But looking back, you take the good with the bad, and you learn! As you learn, you grow!

There are things I want to explore even more, and there are some things, I may never do again, but I can say I DID IT!!! We women in our forties are full of pent up LUST and unexpressed emotions, and also of words unsaid. I cannot lie, I think of that "grown up" type sex that typically doesn't happen with a partner. We live in a society that puts all the spotlight on the YOUNG. I believe we also live in a culture that suggests older women think very little of sex. Why? Because that is the impression that used to be the norm. We are now in the "Time of the Cougar" Older women, getting those younger men. I mean not just sexual fantasy type "getting". Real relationships too. I believe our society has muddied the waters regarding the perception of what and who mid-life women really are. Here is what I can say from personal experience: We are full of desire. Medically,

Testosterone levels affect women as well. However, women create lower levels of testosterone and are more sensitive to androgens than men. Testosterone levels in women vary. According to the University of Rochester Medical Center, normal measurements range from 15 to 70 ng/dL.

A woman’s estrogen levels drop after she enters menopause. This makes her androgen levels comparatively higher.

(yes women produce the testosteron hormone too, we produce it from puberty)

Women- Life Truly Begins at Forty-Reclaiming Sexy and Knowing Who You Really Are

At my age, your sex drive can be an incredibly powerful gift. Don't miss the boat. Embrace the gift of Middle Age!!!! That is my theory. We need to let go of outdated gender expectations, and just BE! I have learned that sex drive will fluctuate, so explore, play with it, but most importantly, practice honest sexual communication. At my age, you learn to voice what you want. You will tell what is pleasurable. You will not be afraid to ask a partner what it is they like most of all. I have learned not to get sexually frustrated either. We must explore constructive coping strategies. I am not afraid to treat myself to a new sex toy, or some new sexy lingerie. Not simply for "that man", but for myself.

I have promised to let sex serve my highest good. Sex can be just as much of a sacred spiritual act as it can be physical and emotional. Be mindful in the Present, I say!!! Enjoy today.

My advice comes from this quote: “Just because you’re grown up and then some doesn’t mean settling into the doldrums of predictability. Surprise people. Surprise yourself. (281)”
― Victoria Moran, Younger by the Day: 365 Ways to Rejuvenate Your Body and Revitalize Your Spirit

Best to you all, and just remember young girls and young ladies in GAG land: Embrace who you are at any age, enjoy each phase! Just don't be afraid of getting "my age". It is simply rejuvenating!

Women- Life Truly Begins at Forty-Reclaiming Sexy and Knowing Who You Really Are

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Actually, I pretty much had it all figured out by age 23-24.
    Self-awareness? Check.
    Honest inventory of personal strengths, weaknesses, wants, needs? Check.
    Sexuality? Check.
    What "life satisfaction" means to me? Check.
    Life goals? Lol well, I still don't really have those ahah... I've never been the type of girl to have a 5- or 10-year-plan, and I'd probably not feel anything other than suffocation from trying to have one.

    That's an unusually early age to have these things figured out, but, I owe that to at least the following life circumstances:
    • My childhood was difficult, tragic, and constantly on the edge of material poverty. I had the best father who has ever walked this earth -- but, for a widowed immigrant father with 5 kids and a small blue-collar business in a shit economy, life is still going to be fucking HARD. I was more self-sufficient, appreciative, competent, and all-around good at life by age 13 than most people are by age 40 (if ever).
    • I went through *incredibly* severe bipolar / manic-depression (about which I've written at length, on this site). Most people don't REALLY gain meaningful self-awareness until they endure particularly demanding or high-stress periods in their lives -- but, manic-depression was like one giant, unrelenting stress-test. Combine that with less than 20 hours of sleep/week + having to work (at my father's business, with my brothers) to help support the family starting at age 12 or 13... and, well let's just say, I figured out exactly what I'm made of, pretty damn early.
    • By age 25, I had lived in 6 different countries -- mostly by pretty much blind moves, to cultures of which I knew nothing, and where I had 0 contacts other than the agency that moved me there. My first international move was on 19 days' notice, halfway around the world, to a country where I spoke 0 words of the language (beyond what I could cram in... 19 days) -- and that was my first move out of the house where I grew up. So... I ended up repeatedly in situations where figuring out even the most mundane everyday stuff was a challenging and complex (and fun) problem. From this, I emerged even *more* self-sufficient, well-traveled, culturally literate, and... capable. At handling my own shit, and more generally at life.

    So... yeah. Pretty much all my major moments of discovery happened before age 25. (The sexuality stuff came earliest of all -- my sexuality was one of the main things keeping me ALIVE through the worst manic/depression.)

    • *self-discovery (not just "discovery") Since then, it's been a journey of FULFILLMENT -- on which my husband has been the companion of my (filthy, wet, nasty) dreams -- not so much of new discovery. __ By the way This isn't snark at all -- it's a genuine question: You wrote the following two things literally right next to each other: • "extramarital affairs" • "I cannot lie, it's just not in my nature" ^^ Huh? So you were able to carry on affair (s), while married, without telling ANY lies? How did you work *that*?

    • Simply put answer to your HUH... yes an affair, had one, was an emotional, never lied about it, and simply was honest about it. Sometimes their are people in your life who love you enough to let you go through something to see how you come out, and stand by you just the same.

    • Interesting, thanks.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Women say life begins at 40 to make themselves feel better.

    About a year ago, a woman about 45yo contacted me on a dating site (one that caters to younger women, so I don't get inundated by 40 year olds like other sites). I checked her background and quickly found her facebook page. I really had the urge to say, "No thank you, but I would love to meet your [college age] daughter" that I saw on her fb. But I'm too polite for that.

    There are some very sweet, sexy, attractive, wonderful women over 30, but they are always happily married and not looking.

    As a result, I rarely date women over 30, and if so, they are almost always Asian, since they tend to keep their looks longer. Single women over 30 are single for a reason: Some man decided he could do better. If she isn't good enough for him, why does she think she is good enough for me?

    Single women over 30 tend to be bitchy, demanding, and bitter. And as the years increase, they are increasingly more likely to be overweight and sagging. It is just not attractive.

    But as it turns out, a successful guy in his 40's has no problem finding smart, beautiful women in their 20's. And as far as "pent up lust", some women may feel that, but many more tend to become disinterested in sex. I'll take two 20 year olds over one 40 year old any day (and have).

    • Exactly, see you are in your 40's that is expected. Men like you typically take their 20 year old secretary and get "taken" to the cleaners by their first wives... this is my point. Society says Men do it all the time. Now Women are looking in the direction of the Younger Men, and it is REAL. Plenty of Cougar websites with tons of traffic. So with that said, you take your Twenty Something's and so will WE!!! Best of Luck

    • difference is, older women will not get relationships from younger or even same age men, just sex, they will be used and that is it. Older men have way more choice. And by the way, more and more men are refusing to get married so these older men dumping their same age girlfriend for someone younger won't get taken to the cleaners as they never married in the first place.

    • @alphadoggystyle What is really funny are the surgeons and physicians I know. Most of the men get married when they are late 20s or about 30, usually to someone they knew in school. Then about the time their loans are paid off, in the early 40's, they trade up in looks and down in age.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Fantastic explanation.
    Three points i enjoyed the most:
    1. Society that believe women think little of sex. This hallucination sicken me and i am so tired of it. You explore on GaG and many questions goes to that. How is it come that this society is super disconnected to human nature and specifically women's nature? It is awful and i am taking my part to change it as much as possible.
    2. Renewal sexual drive. Someone needed to say it here to take good required attention among young users in particular and you did. I really appreciate your time and effort for this take. People has no clue actually (not everyone) but by nature, Women over forties start to have a new phase of sexual drive. A complete new-renewed atmosphere. Many citizens of this society seem to be so uneducated about such factors and it is extremely disappointing.
    3. Your theories. Your theories and life choices are admirable, specially the sex drive, sexual experience and embrace the gift, which is the noticeable weight of this post. Your encouragement to other ladies is admiring. Personally, i just don;t like how ladies go through their lives unaware of their body and what kind of possible feelings they can experience from the within.

    The age and the claim of being "Old" or "Older" is something to attention on in my opinion. Am i the only person on the planet that does not consider someone in their forties as old? Old is when you are 70 years old. Not 40's! 40's is another new phase of youth with extra experience, new sex drive and as you said, renewed self-confidence. I believe If we change our "age" understandings, other factors such as effort on "Young" and similar examples will be automatically fixed.

  • Since I was a teenager I began having sex with the woman of the house while there installing floor covering. This did not happen very often. However, those women taught me how to fuck as they have been doing it for decades. Even today if given a choice over a young woman in her 20s over a woman in her 40s I would choose the older woman. Most have few hangups about sex and know how to please a man and his cock. If she takes care of herself and is in shape that is all the better!

    These women are out there. You guys, if you get the chance to latch onto one as a fuck buddy I strongly recommend doing her. She will make you very happy :)

    • There you go, a person who understands, but an older person... hmmmmmmmmmm

  • I told my husband when I get older I'm going to want it so much I may need to clone him to keep up with my sexual demands. He's already taking multi vitamins and he's only 29 LOL
    But it's interesting men's view on women and age. They think they age like fine wine and we age like stinky cheese. I mean WTF where did that come from?

    • Right? They think they age gracefully? WTF? They fail to realize that those hot young chics they like parading around like trophies, do want their wallet, and might even give them some sex. But what they don't know is that hot chic has her some young hot stud she bangs on the side. While we women of age, get that young hot stud without some old guys bucks!!! LMAO

    • And my response below is in response to this type of commentary. Fucke the guy on the side while taking another guys money? That's just not healthy, or something a good person would do. While it happens, it shouldn't be encouraged...

    • @Paultripp it was a joke... however that I indicated a joke... but the sad truth of the matter, I was pointing out it was RIGHT! THE CRUEL men here have no problem saying how they have all the power and money and just want younger chics. Okay, and I have no problem with that, but why do men then have a problem with an older woman wanting a younger man. If it is okay for a man to sensationalize and want a trophy wife, and be proud of it, then why can't women be proud to have a young stud? Let's face it, most of the time neither situation is about love and relationship, it boils down to sex 90 % of the time. I said it earlier here, and will say it again. I don't want a young guy for a relationship. A relationship is with someone who can be a partner, and equal and be understanding of my age and emotional state. I believe both men and women both enjoy the fact that someone younger would pay them attention, and just want good sex.

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  • I can agree down to age 36 in fact

  • A very nice and interesting mytake.

  • Oh no! You're telling our wicked secrets;) This is true for me and a lot of my friends in our age group. It's a time of renewal and increased confidence, strong sex drive and really the ability to know what we want and get it☆♡☆♡☆

  • www.kappit.com/img/pics/201504_1030_dbeeg_sm.jpg

  • My sex drive has not declined at all and I am still enjoying that aspect of a relationship. But experience has made me more confident about my masculinity so I enjoy sex even more at my age. Some younger people think that, somehow, sex is all about being young, it's their domain, and it's disgusting for older people to even talk about it. My question back to those people is: at what age do you intent to give up having sex? And more importantly, why would you ever want to give up enjoying sex?

    Certainly we change as we age but that doesn't mean that we are less happy or less satisfied with life as we accrue a few wrinkles. Quite the opposite, I am more satisfied with my life now than I have ever previously been. So. . . I concur with your advice: embrace who you are, get the most enjoyment from who you are and where you are at in life, and don't give a fuck about what the neighbors think!

  • I love an older woman. I prefer to have fun with a cougar than someone my age. They know how to have a lot more fun if you know what I mean...😉😏

    • Simply put yes I do

  • The female side of this is right, 40's women on a 1-10 scale of sex drive are a 13!

    But what's this about "younger men" stuff. Don't forget about us "Lions" Cougar;)! We still have our mojo and we know how to use it.

    • Thank you for sharing the Mojo information and I think about men of all ages. Basically the tape that I was trying to prove in this article is that men in their forties and fifties one that 20 year old Secretary and usually lose a marriage excetera over that type of experience. Women can be the same age and feel the same things. Women can look at men half their age and get excited just as men can look at women half their age and get excited. I truly believe that women sex drive increases during this age and most men have a sex drive that declines during this age but I could be wrong maybe it's all individual and if so that's my take this point is my individuality

    • Sure, people want thrills, newness, someone they don't know (mystery) and that can cause problems. not easy to keep any relationship fresh and vibrant, work work work... But I agree with your point, the drive increases for women and decreases in intensity for men. we still want it though, just not like when we were 19. Interesting about the attraction to younger guys... I know girls who are not attracted to younger guys, I think that is an emoational security/maturity thing, not physical. so that may depend.

  • I've never understood why women dread aging as much as they do. I'll be happy to live to be a cute little grandma with white hair.

    • I am already a grandma!!! I adore it! Had a kid when I was young, and now am a "young" grandma to ENJOY. Grey hair, um, probably not, probably be a brunette forever (lol)

    • Lol. At least you get to be active and do fun things with your grandkids. Sounds like it's a blast.

    • cause you are more normal and mature than some people double your age... .

  • I agree and a woman is still young at ages 40's and 50's.

    • excep;t she is only a few years from going through "the change" and being of no sexual use whatsoever. then what do you do?

    • @kickme who says that women aren't of sexual use after the change? And how do you know if you're speaking about me that I already haven't went through it? Come on now you're being judgmental and assuming things

    • experience says I am right

  • Why are some of these people so mean?
    I just want to thanyou for writing this and trying to impart some wisdom from your experiences. Thank you. Good take💟

    • Pointing the truth out doesn't equate to being mean lol

    • @Mrwoo99 I don't think people are mean because to tell u something honestly, your truth is yours and mine is mine in the end. There is no right or wrong

    • No lady... there's a whole lot a difference between belief and truth. Belief is what you want to hear or tell yourself and truth are facts based on logistics. A woman's life begins as early as 18 then they hit the wall in their mid 30s when they become infertile and physical appearance decays. But yeah keep telling yourself that... let us know how tinder goes for you lol

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  • Yeah I did a poll once on here and like 85% of guys said they're still attracted to some 40+ year old women.

  • I love sex with women who know what they're doing, know what they want, and don't play games to encourage you to provide it.

  • I personally don't see myself being a cougar because I want to be a regular housewife and still married +with teenage kids.
    But if single men in their 40's get to have fun with younger women, why the hell wouldn't a 40 years old woman get to do the same?
    Interesting MyTake!

    • Thank you, you are right. But being a regular housewife is wonderful. Twenty five years later, after kids are gone, you might feel a little different, you just never know...:)))

  • I'm gonna be honest. This is just a way to rationalize your situation. Sure, some guys may have sex with you, but don't be delusional and think that you still got it. And especially don't dress like you're 20 and try to compete with younger girls in their 20's. Guys and girls laugh and this and find it weird. I've seen this and both genders said the same thing. Good luck finding a relationship too. Men want younger chicks and women want successful guys. Guys even your age don't want to date women their age. As long as the guy has money, power or fame they are set. Women on the other hand is different. It's their looks. You don't have the looks as you once did so you can't play those games when you where younger. Older women are generally easy too. Looks eventually fade. When you become 50 or even 60, you think you can still do this? I mean how long can you keep that mindset and lifestyle up? I would say age gracefully but hey, to each their own.

    ~ Don't believe me. Take s look around you, hear and see what other people experience and think. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, I hope.

    • Thank you for the wisdom. I do not dress like I'm 20 I still dress as if I my age. This is not a way for me to rationalize anything. I am fully comfortable with who I am merely saying that men of all ages still can appeal to someone and someone in this age bracket can still appeal to Men of all ages. Relationship? I fully realize that is a different story. There are many women who date and have relationships with younger men. I am more speaking in terms of sexual desire in this article. Talking about a woman's sexuality and the peaks of time in her life when it happens. As far as aging gracefully, I will have no problem with that. All I'm simply stating is for women there's a time to embrace Who You Are, and be self-assured. Enjoy every phase of your life young or old but never be afraid of Aging. Each phase of life is important.

  • Great take. The 50s are even better

    • Yeah!

  • I absolutely agree. And it's why I prefer older women because of everything you said. How you feel sexually is all about what's in your mind and how you feel inside, and that can be either good or bad.

    Older women hold very great sex appeal for me - even the way many of them look for their ages can be a lot more arousing to me than younger women. I find that the older I get the hornier I am for older women, even from just interacting with them.

  • I know this myTake was aimed at the girls but I think it's great. In my opinion older ladies have a very special sexual appeal, and like you say they should embrace it.

    • Thank you, and the MY TAKE was actually written to get viewpoints of both genders, so thank you. I was surprise to see all of the male responses, and lack of female response to be honest!!! Thanks again

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