Why I Want Casual Sex These Days

When I was younger, I used to just always daydream about having a boyfriend. I thought having a boyfriend would be the best thing on the planet. I used to almost obsess about how I could make him commit, or how I'd be sure he wanted me, and etc.

I'm single atm, and happy about it. If I do decide to hookup, then I want to try everything. I never, ever thought that I'd say anything like that, but I'm sick of holding back.

Why I Want Casual Sex These Days

I've posted on here before how I want to do oral only hookups, and I probably will, but that doesn't mean I won't have regular sex. I've also posted about how I expect hookup sex to suck for me since the guy won't know what I like or how my body works, like how a boyfriend would.

But then I talked to people about it more. In my case, I'd want to hookup sober or at least not be more than buzzed. The people I talked to about it inspired me though. I like how free casual sex can be, and not having to be so serious. Like no stress, or less stress...

I want to see if I can get a guy who doesn't really care about me to do what I want. Like would he just do whatever I asked? Slow sex, stop and start sex, oral, etc. I want to see how far I can go, like how easy it is. Does the sex have to be shitty, or not? Will he lie about doing x, y, or z for me or not?

If I ask to hang out after, or after fucking on the first date, would he say yes? I want to experience what it's like getting a basically random guy to interact with me like this. Instead of always pushing for a regular relationship, I want to see what it's like to be more free with people.

So the people I talked to convinced me that I should give this a shot. I don't believe I can make things or sex perfect with a relationship anymore. I want to see how much fun I can have without that instead.


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SovereignessofVamps is a GirlsAskGuys Influencer
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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like you want to control a guy to pleasure you, but not bond. Sounds like you want the drugs of sex, without any of the heart pain, or risk of loss in relationship and love. So you don't want any attachment. Your brain is just wired a a certain way... not saying it is bad, but not sure where this leaves you. We attach for reasons of survival, acceptance, etc.. (historically I think). We are all different, not judging, but is this really... good for you?

    Honestly, if you aren't in LA/California, you should go there (from what I've read)... lots of players and I'm sure you can find guys like this as well as "experimental" relationships.

    I'm shocked you aren't into illicit drugs or prostitution... in the 60's people would take drugs to heighten sensitivity. Its a bad idea IMHO as they impact the body. Prostitutes make a lot of $ if was legal.. they did in the 1940's! I mean, if going to have sex with no bonding, why not get paid and control the scenario? where is it legal?

    Mating with people who don't care about you... that just doesn't sound right. Like you want to be used, or you want to use them. It sounds like the attachment part of your brain is not working... shut down, under developed? Are you attached to anyone or anything? I've been studying the brain/mind a bit, but I don't get it fully. Just realize you are wanting what you want for some reasons.

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    • Why would I be into drugs or any of that?

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    • I want to have fun, but nah I hate all drugs.

    • Good.

      Sex/love... in effect, is a set of drugs, just the natural kind. Hope you find what you want to fulfill your life.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I won't ever agree that casual sex is a good thing.. In fantasy everything seems perfect but in reality it isn't. Sex control isn't 100% safe and with a stranger you never know if he has any STDs. That's not anxiety-free. There is a chance you won't be compatible as you mentioned. And if you do enjoy yourself, it's still meaningless since there is just lust and no love. Nor is there a chance to start a relationship with the person you had casual sex with, because he's not gonna take you seriously.

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    • Condoms are mostly safe so you're wrong if you're that worried about something happening then don't step outside ever because you can get into a car accident anything can happen

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    • @Brah63926 1% chance of failure is a small percentage for a person who doesn't have sex often. If one is hypothetically having sex 300 times per year, that's 3 chances to happen. In 5 years, it's 15 chances..

    • I think that what this girl is doing is unethical, yet she can do what she wants.

      As far as it goes with the risks, she can always ask the stranger to be tested before having sex + wear condoms + be on birth control.

      This will pretty much guarantee her a 99.999% risk free casual sex.

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 44

  • Just be careful who you try this with. There's some shady mofos out there who can fuc up your brain because they just play with you for your body and as a sex toy. Unless you want that. Also, you might start resenting men if you get your feelings involved accidentally with the wrong casual. I don't know if girls can just be sexual without getting their feelings involved, but, it would probably be a good experiment and you'd probably find out a lot about what type of boyfriend you want eventually from experiencing different personalities and bedroom etiquette. I had a hate on for women and a miss trust because of being burned and not understanding why girls act in "x" sort of way in "y" situations. But then I stepped back from relationships and just hung around women for a bit and had really good friends who were women (and still do). It's funny, I was never trying to hit on them, but after awhile it was like I was a goto for them for sexual release or something. Like I got with one just from comfort and casual things, then maybe they talked or whatever amongst themselves, and then the next thing I was asked if I could go with her friend because she's lonely or she's been eyeing me for she's horny or whatever. This was pretty cool and really interesting to me since it seemed kind of effortless on my part. I was just in a casual frame of mind without pressure maybe for them. No expectations, no commitment issues, no hangups and I was probably looked upon as a trusted friend or something. I don't know, just speculating. But I did get to know a lot more about how women act and think and feel and respond. I also started to actually like and care for women and respected all the shit you girls go through. But I can spot honesty a mile away more easily from women or spot the bullshit as well.

    But, we are all human, and I think we should all take a step back at trying to find a relationship, and actually start understanding each other and accept differences and that we are all human. Then relationships will just naturally happen.

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    • "I don't know if girls can just be sexual without getting their feelings involved"

      ^^ Some can, some can't.

      Lots of boys can't, either.

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    • A normal and mentally stable woman will never have sex with a stranger

    • @asdsfgag Depends what you consider "normal" or "stable". Normal is in the eye of the beholder my dear.

  • Girls who sllep around are literally seen as girls who are good for time pass... I would never marry or make her my girlfriend... She is a not a girlfriend Material

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  • www.court-records.net/.../miles-smirk(c).gif

    Have fun...

    ... just don't expect any attractive guy to commit to you when you finish riding the cock carousel.

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  • That's generally how you'll end up with a boyfriend hahaha

    But yeah it's great if you can just be casual with someone like that, it can be incredibly satisfying sexually. If that works for you do it, more power to you :).

    Personally there's times in my life where I just wanna hook up, and now is one of them, because I know I couldn't do a relationship right now. And funnily enough when it works out, times like these are times where I make the most new friends, and am the happinest, have the most new experiences. And its great. And eventually that happiness ends up attracting people in my life who I'd like to keep around as more than just fuck partners. And there goes my next relationship.

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    • Why's it so satisfying to you? Lots of people do say hookup sex sucks, but I don't think that always has to be true. But to hear incredibly satisfying isn't something I've seen b4.

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    • Makes a lot of sense, cool POV.

    • TY interesting mytake :)

  • That's all well and good. I hope that things work out well, however i personally would rather have a relationship. The funny thing is that i started wanting a relationship but had casual sex, then realized it was not for me. While i felt wanted for a change, i also felt empty afterwards

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  • Overall I think your plan has some merit. I see a couple issues:

    1. It's difficult to judge whether someone will be good in bed.
    The best lovers are often the ones you would least expect. If you are talking 1 night stands: How many 1 night stands are you willing to go through for each good one? ***

    2. Are you able to ensure these guys wear condoms? Some guys throw a fit. (Which is a sign to steer clear of them.)

    ____
    It sounds like you want to separate the sex from the relationship to feel more liberated. I. e. you have no relationship to lose and can do anything you want.

    As a guy I think this is a rather intelligent approach in some ways. I believe sexual compatibility is more important than many people realize. Sexual compatibility can also be gauged pretty quickly by including open communication.

    Since getting in a relationship is not your priority, it sounds like you are exploring and confidence building. However don't be afraid to mix in some guys you are more likely to be compatible with. (I. e. not all hunks. ) They may surprise you.

    *** I recently read a book that suggested that guys that talk well, dance well, etc are better in bed. I find that to be total B. S.

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  • I suppose kudos to you. If I were your friend I'd encourage you to be free and all but you'd be off my dating list. Not that it matters to you, but just sayin'.

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  • Make sure he understands your expectations. It isn't fair to hurt his feelings because of misplaced hopes for a relationship.

    I have tried this in the past and it leaves me feeling empty and used. Casual sex is something I can do more quickly and easily by myself. I can do a better job of getting myself off than a stranger usually can.

    I won't do hookups anymore, but maybe this is a phase each of us needs to go through? As @NightOwl8801 said, make sure you practice safe sex.

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  • That's cool and all but you're basically implying you'll try different dicks until one finds you good enough to hit you up the next day. Isn't the right way to start a relationship in my opinion.

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  • Are you a virgin and deprived of sex and now getting frustrated of having to wait for too long? Sometimes you may feel that way. But never go for sex when you are frustrated. Casual sex can be pleasurable , but it has to be with the right person only. If someone has casual sex with you and then records the sexual act and posts video or photos of you on the internet , then you may fall in trouble. So do sex only with a reliable and a trusted person.

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  • Thats fine in all but it won't ever be as good as fucking the person you love and care for. Knowing she's there for you and having that connection.

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  • I look forward to your analysis afterward, and if all good, I hope more people try it out. I'm all for a more sexually liberal society.

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  • I think you're not making right decision, sex doesn't necessary mean Happy life.
    Casual sex will lead to even more distance between you and real happiness and content.
    It's your life, your decisions.

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  • Gotta enjoy life and what makes you happy.

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  • You do you girl.. you do you! Nice Take

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  • Damn just get a dildo. Why waste your body counts? 😂

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  • I am the guy version of you. I always dreamt of having a girlfriend until I realized most girls annoy.

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  • Casual sex is like buying in a Chinese jumble sale. There is nothing inmoral about it, just don't expect great quality.

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  • Relationships are too hurtful right now. Im just leaving a 2 year relationship. casual sex is what I prefer at the moment.

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What Girls Said 18

  • A few of my friends have had casual sex before and it tends to not end that well... The encounter will go fine, the sex is generally good to great, but then my friends themselves won't feel too positive about it. They still go for casual sex, but there seems to be some kind of residual... bad feelings afterwards. Fun in the moment, not so much fun after.

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    • This is so true. I've always been commitment-phobic, and preferred to stick to friends with benefits, which worked out great for a while - I had no relationship worrries and I was free roam in my weakness for players and bad boys without the threat of being hurt. I thought I had it all exactly how I wanted and I did at the time.
      I've kind of "retired" from the dating world since my daughter came along - The whole 'bit too guarded plus single parent thing isn't very appealing to guys, and whilst it doesn't really matter and I am happy in general, it makes me sad to think I'll probably never know what it's feel like to have a guy truly care about me & vice versa, and/or that i'll never have the chance to change my mind about relationships.

      It's not then end of the world, but it's something I think about late at night sometimes.

    • I agree with this, in college being mostly a hookup culture, a lot of females I had casual sex with slowly either developed feelings for me which led to bad blood between us because I wasn't interested in relationships, or it led to them feeling empty and turning from casual sex to a total downer just making everything negative after the fact, a lot of these females still get screwed mentally by players or bad guys who know the game and play it well, your average joe can in no way compete with a dude who knows what makes a woman click etc so it effects them because a lot of the times these are the dudes that are approaching them. Besides that I'm done with casual sex myself after having a scare with stds through oral sex, thankfully I did not have any, but after that I stopped casual sex all together and am now very particular about who I date because of not only stds which are spreading rapidly but also because of the fear of getting a female pregnant.

  • I don't understand the need for you to keep writing about this tbh? Just go ahead with it if that"s what you want. If you don't then don't.

    I personally dislike this hookup culture but it's your body and life, I just think there is something wrong mentally with people that do that.

    Especially girls. Women bond over sex. Casual sex, unless you got mental issues/ or are that rare rare exception that just extremely loves sex in all its facets, will be not very rewarding.

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    • Sounds like this really bothers you. I'm an influencer/editor, have to keep posting weekly haha. Love sharing ideas anyway.

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    • Lol okay..

    • I like your views regarding this. You have a positive vibe

  • Best of luck! Be safe. Not trying to lecture you at all, but maybe one or two friends with benefits would be best bc you'd have less chance of catching a disease and you could hopefully trust the person more.

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  • So basically... you just want to experiment and for some reason you feel the need to justify experimenting to a gathering of online personas. Alrighty. Good on you OP.

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  • I disagree. Sex isn't everything in this life, but it's important and it can make a profound impact on your mood and your outlook. When you causally sleep around there are normal stresses like STDS and pregnancy that can affect your mood, but there's also this emptiness of sharing something really personal and yet leaving with nothing but a memory. You can go ahead and have sex casually all you want, but I just think you're really romanticizing causal sex.

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    • Sex is everything or you wouldn't be Alive

    • @Brah63926 sex isn't everything in a life. Do you obsess over oxygen as much as you obsess over sex? Or food? Or water? Does it consume your thoughts? Not unless you're starving or run out of air. But people obsess over sex like they need to to live. They don't realize that it's an emotional and physical practice whether you'd like it to be or not.

  • Open relationships FTW. Causal sex for excitement and variety, still someone to come home to.

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  • Nice take.

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  • why not just casually date. no commitment no stress. you can see many people at once but you know them enough so its not a complete stranger?

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  • Once again I have come to the conclusion that female promiscuity is a result of mental disorder.

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    • Not always the case I had a completely normal sane girlfriend who did sleep around behind my back and cheated then I had another who was abused as a child depression etc. And didn't do the same to me

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    • How is it impossible for a girl to sleep around and not be sane?

    • Then you should... look @ all the Kings and Queens who cheated and had bastard kids lol

      It's not all as simple as what you think FYI.

  • I had a friends with benefits and it was lovely it started turning into a little more than that later, but for me I'd have to at least know them some and be some kinda friend to them. I don't think im built for a straight up hookup lol

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  • Honestly, just get a friends with benefits, talk about it with him or her how and what do you want. You don't have to have regular sex with him/her, only when you want it. That's what friends with benefits mean, just sex, without emotions, and no stress, so have fun and don't forget to use protection (if he is not best at pulling out in the right time, with girl, you don't need it) :)

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  • I used to think like this just a few months ago. I still kind of do except now I care more about the relationship, not just sex.
    Good for you, though, have fun :)
    Oh, just remember to be safe!

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  • I'm kind of at that point, too.

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  • Remember when guys used to do this to girls? Play with their minds and see how far they could get? I say remember like it doesn't happen anymore, but I don't understand why you would want to do this to someone else.

    People have value. I don't think this would be fun at all, and usually when karma comes back to bite you it comes in the form of you falling for a guy with these initial intentions, and him not liking you back. I wouldn't listen to your friends who are telling you this will be fun.

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    • Him listening to my needs for sex is bad how?

    • I'm referring to this line: "I want to see if I can get a guy who doesn't really care about me to do what I want."

      I reread it, if you want to try it then try it, but if you came from the mentality of dreaming about relationships it's might not be all it's cracked up to be.

    • Yeah. Do what I want sexually. If he wants to hang after sex or be fiends that's cool too, but everyone says you can only get good sex from a boyfriend. So I wanted to see how much I can get a random to do for me.

  • thats a classic pattern for a girl. has unrealistic idealistic standards of relationships. proceeds with no discretion and purpose. gets heart broken. becomes a sloot with a shell around her heart... .

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    • and it all boils down to sex of course.

    • I wish I could see life this simply, just a little.

    • its complicated only in your head. needlessly complex lifes have needlessly complex thoughts. you can think in complex manners and be quite insane though... . reintroduce simplicity in your life and 99% of your "problems" vanish away like thin smoke... .

  • Maybe i'm wrong but my idea of experiencing the world and exciting new things isn't counting the number of dicks I can take in my mouth or other places.

    It just sounds to me like you've given up on what you really want, so you're resorting to your second option of sleeping/oral sexing around. I understand how bad long term relationships can make you feel but I don't think this is the right outlet for it.

    In the end you will do what you want and of course other people will tell you to do it or try it but I feel like you're young and this is a decision that I wouldn't take lightly.

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  • Good

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  • Why not? You're young, experiment, enjoy, explore yourself. Life is too short to be tied down, you'll know when the time is right to settle down but for now, do what you wanna do.

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