Guys Denying Women Sex? Is It A New Trend?

[SovereignessofVamps]

I see this mentioned so often now. Even in books, and especially online. It's guys, doing the classic thing that women do. They won't have sex with or even kiss their partners! I was shocked when I heard about this the first time. I thought it was a fluke, like a random odd boyfriend story. But nope, it looks like it's common, and there's plenty of guys like this.

These guys will completely refuse to fuck her, but will do other acts. Or they'll refuse to even kiss their partners, literally only a kiss. Or if they're with her in a relationship, they'll only have sex sporadically, or even just stop it for long amounts of time out of nowhere. It's not a specific type of guy, like very religious ones or a personality type....but just average guys. Guys who have high sex drives even.

I think lots of guys want to feel in control, instead of feeling like women are in control of sex. What else explains it? So many women complain about this now. He just simply doesn't want sex, like it's not a health issue he has, he's totally choosing this. Or if they're just dating, he'll want to wait for sex, or not have it at all, and rejects her if she doesn't like that.

I could see even being rejected because we have relationship issues, but for him to reject me because he just simply doesn't need sex? Or he tells me he wants to wait, and he doesn't have any serious or specific reasons, he just wants to wait until he's comfortable with me? That all means he's not totally into me sexually, or not?

I don't know how I feel about this. Is it cool, that guys are copying what women have done before? Or is it just weird? It's fascinating too, since...he does have the right to do what he wants with his body. So all of the women, can't do anything to make him have sex. They're totally stuck.

So as a girl, it's just that I didn't think that I'd have to be careful, like about being rejected for sex. It's true, I thought that sex was basically up to me. When we have it, and also that I'd be the main one refusing sex for whatever the reason. I didn't think I'd ever have to consider being the 'guy'.

Now that guys do this, I know I have to reconsider some things. I'm not sure how to think about it all now, but I just see so so many women complaining about this. So...it looks like guys are taking on new roles, and I'll have to adapt so I don't get stuck. He might even enjoy that I'm stuck. I just didn't think guys would be willing to say no to sex, and even be happy or content about it.

Edit: It's his body, so although I wouldn't like this at all, he can choose what to do with it. Some of the comments say he's being mean, but he doesn't anyone owe anything, and it doesn't have to mean he doesn't like or want her.

[Tony1974]

god made hands before he made women.

Careful what you wish for you just may get it. Welcome to "equality." we've learned from the best how to play these games: feminist women.

What men have realized is that they don't have any reproductive rights. Better to abstain from sex than be paying for it the rest of their lives. Women are devious and manipulative. Women don't care to here what we have to say so we will use the only means that are left to us. The trust is losted and until our society starts to value men again we will continue to deny you sex, marriage and babies.

[DesertFox11]

great post

[Tony1974]

@DesertFox11 Thank you.

[Glue-Sniffer]

Never heard of this happening.
Don't know where you kids get your sources from.

[xcrunner2414]

I strongly doubt that this is a new phenomenon. Men have always, and will always, have control over their bodies. We are not, and have never been, robots that women can manipulate.

Denying a women is, and has always been, a common occurrence, just like women denying men.

[Account]

Is that true? Hopefully that is true! That is freaking awesome.
I approve of it actually. It's about time.

[SovereignessofVamps]

Why's it freaking awesome?

[Account]

I hate the fact that guys are easy when it comes to sex.

[dontknow12]

@Account A lot of women don't seem to understand that guys in a way have to be easier.

[asheslee]

I really think that weaponizing sex is detrimental to a relationship. I am certainly not suggesting that someone should not say no, but if the reason for saying no is to gain control, it just seems harmful to me. The healthiest relationships are ones where each partner contributes equally to trying to fulfill the other, not just physically, but including physically. I am glad I am no longer on the dating scene. Good luck and May the odds be ever in your favor.

[DaniaMQ]

If girls do it I dont see why guys can't do it. He wants to wait? Great. He doesn't feel like it? Great. Same as women.
I dont even think you should do it when you are getting to know the person 100% well and you are sure about them (I'm saving myself so basically I'm with the 'keep it cool until marriage' but whatever, thats for the others to get where I'm coming from). So, this doesn't affect at all. Thats just me tho

[JuliaHarris]

I think that as women get more masculine and men more feminine I think that we will see more of these traditional gender traits being taken up by the other side.

[byherlaw]

You are spot on!

[MrNameless]

Men having lower sex drive or standards these days shouldn't be surprising.

Hell I'm more surprised people think guys are horn dogs that are willing to have sex with any girl they meet at any time. sheesh.

[BrileyCat]

maybe its an anti-feminist backlash by some guys who want to show who's boss .
or more simply . maybe he wants a relationship you don't want and he'll say no
implying he has sexual standards against ons .
maybe they are just bored with their wives/so's . or depressed . insecure .
ashamed they're not good in bed . or maybe sleeping with someone else .
i srsly doubt it's bc men are being or feeling feminized .

[MrMysteryMan]

Why do we, as a whole, mentally play games like these to one another. It is a control thing. But why bother with any of it anyhow? When I am with someone, to me, sex is a way of us showing each other our desire for one another. Why should it be a control thing? Why do we see fit to control anything that isn't really supposed to be controlled? It's no different in controlling how often your mate goes to see their friends, or what they are allowed to watch on TV or how they are allowed to act around you. Control is an illusion we try to use so that we can have our relationships work out the way WE want them to. Which then is more of a ownership than a relationship. You might as well buy a puppy dog or something if you want to practice with holding things from something to feel more control over it. But I would say, people treat puppy dogs better than this, because, at least, you're doing the control so that the puppy dog doesn't hurt themselves or other people and so that they can be free to be happy without legal repercussions. Maybe some love to be controlled in this way, but fuck that! Makes sex more of a chore than something passionate that we share together. If a woman wants me sexually, that is one of may "purposes" if you will, of being with them. To satisfy them and make sure that they are sexually taken care of. That's part of care because we, at least, most of us, as humans, want sexual gratification of whatever sort suites us. We find partners who want to share in this with us or help us achieve this, along with regular companionship and sharing of emotions. To actually find someone I feel comfortable sharing myself with, shouldn't mean that I now have to jump through hoops or beg and plead for it. I never understood how this shows you care for someone. Unless this is what satisfies your desires, it really is a psychological detriment to the relationship. What is shows is that you are selfish in my eyes. It's all about you and it's not a relationship at all where there is a mutual understanding and care for one another's needs and wants and desires. More like a dictatorship than a relationship. Then to be so arrogant to suggest you are the sole reason that this person is even in the relationship for, is a step on a person's heart and a kick to the nuts. Nope, this type of selfish behaviour from both sides is utter nonsense and does nothing to strengthen anything in a relationship. It does the complete opposite in my view.

[ArchersArrow]

this method would be the last one to resort to in my life , ofcourse that's harsh for both genders if my girlfriend made something wrong I wouldn't have sex with her because i'm mad at her for a period of time until things change however , i wouldn't do this a lot because then i'm sure that she will cheat on me even if she don't cheat and bear that in herself , our relation would be destroyed.

[NJ_Casanova]

I even/wouldn't deny a GF/Fwb sex. I have turned down strangers asking fore sex/going home with me. I question a girl's STD level... that doesn't know me at all and does that.

If any of my female friends whispered, "FK me" in my ear would get as much cervix massaging as she can handle;-)

[Valkyrie1]

This isn't new. Guys are not mindless sex monkeys they have standards as well. Men tend to lower their standards for one night stands then for relationships. If they are emotionally invested being being gradual with physical aspects makes sense besides the slow burn can be very satisfying or so I've heard.

[GraveTruth]

Denying women sex is a BAD idea. Get a guy almost killed. haha
Here's how marriage works
-My wife (ex) would turn me down
-it I'd wait a few days and she'd turn me down again
-she'd notice I'm extra touchy with her and being extra nice so she makes up a reason to argue or act all moody to get me to not ask.
-Then after being turned down 5 or 6 more times she'd tell me she feels bad for turning me down and we're going to do it really soon. She'd pick a day like Sunday night.
-On Sunday I'd watch her procrastinate throughout the whole day then when night comes there is something like laundry to do.
-I would get pissed off and her her I'm tired of getting turned down so much. this is F-ed up. You love it while it's happened. Just let it start for F sakes!!!
She would either do it or promise the next day and she always did it.

Me turning her down...
Once I couldn't sleep the night before and I had a long construction job day and she wanted it. I told her I was too tired.
She got all offended, jabbered about remembering I said that for next time I want it... then she started asking questions like I suddenly may have a thing for another girl and that's why I was not putting out.
She didn't want to have sex for a two months straight then I could tell she wanted sex and she held off for 3 more months.

NEVER SAY no to women. DON'T DO IT.

[applesandoranges22]

what the hell is this? grave truth stop letting people walk over you

[ThisDudeHere]

@applesandoranges22 not trying to offend him - just saying that all of that could have been avoided if he had a spine and was harsher with her. Not to sound sexist, but women like her in particular have an innate desire to be put in their place - and he didn't fulfill it. He had already let his wife walk over him.

[applesandoranges22]

@ThisDudeHere no thats what I meant lol. He just let her walk over him, how sad.

[ThisDudeHere]

@applesandoranges22 ah, okay.

[GraveTruth]

@applesandoranges22 You both obviously have never been married. That is how it works guys. When you get married you are taking the "free will" and "volunteer" out of the relationship and replacing it to "it's our responsibility to be together". Women always become difficult. Have you not heard the expression "getting married. bye bye sex!". That's not a joke. That ALWAYS happens. The only time a guy it safe from women turning sour from marriage is if the guy is a doctor or something so desired that the woman has to stand behind him.

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

Haha. I know from talking to my married friend that all this is sadly true. Maybe your last line should've read, "ALWAYS SAY no to marriage. DON'T DO IT."

[applesandoranges22]

if a girl is not having sex with you something is SERIOUSLY up. To be honest, the way you described this girl she sounds like a MAJOR control freak and it is not marriage by herself but the problem is with her, and for you for allowing such nasty and dominate behavior with your spouse. Even if you are married you have to put your foot down. no materialistic value should take away your dignity man, where is your pride? I have a question if you dont mind me asking, who broke up with who?

[GraveTruth]

@Lightspeed-Lemon Yes, that too. getting married is like saying "Hey babe. You are volunteering to be with me. Let's make it so you HAVE to be with me. I'm sure it'll turn out awesome!!" haahaha

[GraveTruth]

@applesandoranges22 She isn't. ALL women use sex for control, affection, career, etc, etc. When you get married they offer sex as a REWARD for good behavior. the problem is you cannot impress someone who's seen you do it all. When you get married you'll find out. She'll say she's got a headache and then you'll notice those headaches are always frequenct right around that down time you guys always used to have sex.

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

I'd rather be alone than deal with all that. lol. So what would happen if married guys started turning down their "reward" and not caring about it? I'd say if the woman isn't getting anything out of sex herself and only does it to reward the man's good behaviour, then they probably shouldn't be doing it at all.

[GraveTruth]

@Lightspeed-Lemon Well, women use sex for control, promotion, career, symethy, attention, affection, and a million other good and bad reasons. Women like sex as much as men do. They just don't have testosterone do not having sex for a long period of time doesn't turn them into rogues lion nightmares.

[applesandoranges22]

gravetruth that isn't true at all. If a women LOVES you and does not have control issues then she would never do that. marriage does not make you turn into a jerk unless you have problems in your relationship which honestly sounds like she had the problem. I have NEVER heard someone consider sex a ''reward'' thats stupid. You need to meet some more women who are open sexually and stop messing with stuck up girls who feel as if you aren't deserving. Without a doubt she had some toys stashed somewhere and would play with herself so she could deny sex. you are wrong about womens sex drives and your experience has you fooled. Unless she had a problem with her estrogen, she would be just as riled up as a male. Like I said, she was probably replacing you with a sex toy. She is a control freak and thats as clear as day. Not all women are like that.

[GraveTruth]

@applesandoranges22 Oh come on. Look around man. When you please a woman "he's gonna get some tonight". that is a REWARD offering. Women ONLY love guys pending their authoritive positive. HELL, 99% of women are not even capable of loving a guy who is shorter than her. that means that an entire relationship and years of interaction is based on height. It totally pisses me off when people act like this isn't true. How many women date guys who earn less than them, NONE. How many times have you heard "I fake a headache to get out of sex". Women continuously use sex for everything. Celebs are not popular until they show their cooter or straggle a staircase man. Stop screwing with me already. I got EYES. There are no sexually open women. The ONLY women who are sexually open minded and equal with sex are ones who have guys who possess them because they are rich or powerful.

[applesandoranges22]

like I said before, stop messing with those horrible excuses of so called women because they are NOT really what you think they are. women do date guys who earn less than them, as I can recall many guys who were broke deadbeats who gotten a lot of women pregnant and end up leaving the child. I also had no job and still had some girls like me, its not as grim as you make it out to be. I dont know what kind of crowd you are in but you need to surround yourself with new people because its eating away at your brain.

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

I definitely recall reading about women offering sex as a reward. So that's a real thing. At least GraveTruth sounds like he speaks from experience. There's the politically-correct answer, which is that women are the same as men, with the same needs. Then there's reality, which is plain to see but which people don't want to accept when it doesn't conform to popular opinion.

[applesandoranges22]

@Lightspeed-Lemon you aren't using comment sense. Instead, you generalize an entire gender as if the women I speak on dont exist. Im not PC because I never denied their existence so im pretty neutral about it. people like you and the OP however, let bad apples ruin your judgement so you just assume that all women are like this. I have expereince with women who do not act the way you portray them to be, so therefor any other argument is invalid. Also, you are right women are nothing like men, just like other men are just not like you and you can clearly see that when you have people like me disagree with you. Women are individuals, just because you can't find a good one doesn't mean that its all women. you are the equivalent to a radical feminist who portrays men as bad.

[applesandoranges22]

common sense*

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

@applesandoranges22 You need to calm down and stop putting words in people's mouths. I never said all women were like anything. Whereas you wrote: 'I have NEVER heard someone consider sex a ''reward'' thats stupid.' That is basically saying that NO women are like that, ever. So you're the one generalizing. It's really married life that is being critiqued here, not women. When you have experience being married to one person over the long term, then you'll know whether the complaints of married guys everywhere are valid or not.

[SovereignessofVamps]

@applesandoranges22 I've heard of people having wonderful and mutual sex lives while they're married. Sure lots of marriages are dead or fail, but not all. It's like you said, when there's bad experiences people can assume it's normal.

[GraveTruth]

@Lightspeed-Lemon No, it's not married women that is the problem. It is the whole perspective of womenhood. Women are "Great" until shortly after the honeymoon. If most women turn bad after a little bit into marriage than they would be they are being extra good before hand. Also, I don't know who says women don't offer sexual favors as a reward but practically EVERY women does this.

[GraveTruth]

It's VERY RARE that people who are married have a good sex life. It just so happens that men tolerate the lack of sex.

[SovereignessofVamps]

Dude, you just sound like you're trying really hard to argue.

[GraveTruth]

Just speaking the truth and annoyed when people talk bs against it. Besides, what the hell do you know about denying sex with your 3yrs of adult experience. huh?

[applesandoranges22]

@Lightspeed-Lemon you never generalized? first of all, you agreed with The OP, so that automatically makes puts you in the same boat and there is no need to put words in your mouth. Besides that, I said I never heard of it and it sounds stupid, that does not mean it doesn't exist. If you were capable of reading you would also realize that I told him MULTIPLE times that 1. he is messing with the wrong type of women if they do that 2. he needs to surround himself with other women and If Im not mistaken, I have said it more than that but I dont have time to skim through all of this. Then on top of all of that, you try and say im putting words in your mouth yet you GENERALIZED again. everyone doesn't have the same story when they get married. Just because you had a crappy experience doesn't mean that all women somehow turn sour and hold sex as a virtue.

[applesandoranges22]

''its very rare'' and what statistic are you going off of? no, divorce rates is not proof either, as there are 1 million reasons that people break up.

[SovereignessofVamps]

I won't argue with you. @applesandoranges22 ... I only agree with you a little. I don't like your POV on marriage and sex actually, but I had only skimmed before so wanted to mention. You sound actually pretty similar to Grave so good luck duking it out...

[applesandoranges22]

how the hell do I sound anything remotely similar to grave? I dont think you are reading, and if you are quote one reply where I said ANYTHING remotely similar

[applesandoranges22]

and why are you telling my I won't argue with you? I wasn't even talking to you

[SovereignessofVamps]

The first sentence was for Grave lol That's why I put @applesandoranges22, and then wrote more.

[applesandoranges22]

and even if that was addressed at me, it still made no sense. Like I said, please tell me where I said ANYTHING close to what grave truth was saying. one minute you are agreeing with me then the next minute im magically agreeing with him in a way?

[SovereignessofVamps]

@applesandoranges22 See. You knew that 1st sentence really should have applied to you after all LOL I don't want to argue/debate with you either. I just didn't like what you said about how sex works in marriages, but I had agreed that marriages can be happy and have a lot of sex.

[applesandoranges22]

''See. You knew that 1st sentence really should have applied to you after all LOL'' I wasn't talking about the first sentence I was talking about the second apart of your reply which I said even if it was addressed at me it still made no sense considering I never gave my stance on what sex on marriage is rather I said it was up to the individual. I think you aren't reading correctly. I asked you two time to quote me anywhere where I said anything close to what you implied and you failed to do so.

[Crap_it_is_me--]

I think it is a very good thing. At least, it proves that all the guys aren't f**kboys or players.

[10dsw]

Hmm that's a really interesting topic @SovereignessofVamps, one that many of us probably haven't even thought about

Just wanted to give my 2 cents on this one now that I thought about it

A few years back when I was dating around, I did indeed deny sex to a few women. In my case, it was because I was taking relationships seriously and a girl that expected sex on a second date was just not worth it to me. There was also a time that I invited a girl over and once she was in my house, she admitted to me that she had unprotected sex with a guy 2 weeks prior. She got REALLY mad at me for denying her and then we never spoke after that night

[xXiTacoXx]

The poster is like "Here's a lesson in the form of reverse psychology and/or a parody", but guys in the comments are all missing it.
s2.quickmeme.com/.../...c1c8f89c2257792d00c502.jpg

[applesandoranges22]

well how can we know that women are understanding this more because only three women commented on this lol

[tyber1]

You're seeing something that isn't there @xXiTacoXx

[AleDeEurope]

If this is actually happening (I haven't really seen it), I guess it would make sense, given how women are acting more like men nowadays, in the sense of fucking around just like men, so just like women do, guys who want something serious will make the girl wait in order to know that she's serious and not gonna use him for sex.

[anaspie]

Well thats not cool... no one should be doing this...

[Thisguylul]

I heard about a story like this in my family, my grandpa's sister came to him and cried because her husband would not sleep with her. She said she basically had to rape him. But turns out the guy was gay.

Honestly, I only see this happening to guys who are deeply addicted to porn or closet homosexuals. But common guys? No. Sometimes a guy might not be in the mood, but complete sex denial over long periods? Simply not true!

[sawno]

Haha brilliant, i was wondering when something like this would happen.
We already know girls want sex just as much as us but make us be the ones who have to jump trough hoops to obtain it. Play times over girls, we figured you out. Now that guys start doing the same this should hopefully cancel all this psychological warfare out in the long run so we can just start loving again the right way.

[Chico_brah]

I've literally never heard of a guy withholding from sex because he wants to feel in control. If a man wants to feel in control then he would by default be more interested in sex with his partner to let her know who is in charge.

Men don't typically think like women do when it comes to this subject. If a man is widthholding from sex it's most likely due to loss of attraction.