Skadouchebag's Guide to Spotting a Catfish: Never Get Fooled Again!

Skadouchebag

If you regularly browse the sexual behavior category, you've doubtlessly realized that there are a lot of ridiculously hypersexual "women" on there who are actually men. maybe you've called a few out, and maybe you've accidentally condemned innocents. Maybe you've been fooled into following one, and maybe you've been accused of being one yourself.

Skadouchebag's guide to spotting a catfish: Never get fooled again!

Well stumble in mistrust and uncertainty no more! In my time on here I've noticed that there are several distinct patterns of behavior that mark GAG catfish out from the real hypersexual women.

A given catfish will by no means necessarily show all of these signs, but they're bound to have two or three. They are subtle, but once you've read this you'll pick up on them instantly.

Skadouchebag's Guide to Spotting a Catfish: Never Get Fooled Again!

Flag #1: Overly enthusiastic exclamation points!!!!!

Skadouchebag's Guide to Spotting a Catfish: Never Get Fooled Again!

To enhance their image as a card-carrying Slut, most GAG catfish will always be extremely enthusiastic when discussing sex (which is by nature all they ever talk about, but a lot of genuine women are that way too) and will use exclamation points more often than periods, and perhaps gratuitous emojiis as well.

For example, to the hypothetical question "Girls do you like anal?" A Real hypersexual woman might say something along the lines of "Yes I do, if it's done right" or maybe even "I actually like it a bit better than vaginal." However, a catfish will say something along the lines of "I LOVE anal! You can buttf*ck me any day, babe! [insert several heart-eyed emojiis because the mytake writer doesn't know how to use emojiis on GAG]"

Flag #2: Life runs on Porn logic

Skadouchebag's Guide to Spotting a Catfish: Never Get Fooled Again!

Appropriately for a Fictional woman, many GAG catfish seem to live a life straight out of a Hentai comic. The graphicness of their existence has apparently been taken way past eleven and all the way up to 69. Some might describe a particular sexual encounter in extended graphic detail (real women usually only give one or two sentences) that wend through several different positions and went on for hours. Some describe unrealistic turns of events, like getting caught in public by someone who then joined in. Others claim profound and borderline record-level feats such as having once blown off thirty men in one nigh or being able to squirt gallons of fluid in a single session (I can't help but wonder where her body stores all that, or how she manages to loose so much fluid so often without major health problems). If you pay close enough attention to their opinion history, you might sometimes find contradictory claims. One likely catfish in particular claims to only have sex with much older men who are also both rich and sexual sadists, but apparently she somehow manages to find enough men who meet all of these rare criteria to bed a different man every night seven days a week.

Needless to say, real the sex lives of real hypersexual women are never anywhere near this exaggerated.

Flag #3: "DICKS! DICKS! DICKS! DICKS! oh and boobs too."

Many catfish claim to be fully bisexual and to adore men's and women's bodies equally. If you look through their opinions however, they only discuss sexual activity with other females about one time in

ten, if ever. Sometimes it's as if they forgot that they were bi. They might answer the question "what do you like to do to your partner in Bed?" with "I LOOOVE to deepthroat his dick and fondle his balls! Sometimes he even has to tell me to stop!" ...uuh, but what if it's not a he? didn't you say last week that every other person you screwed was a woman? What happened to being bisexual?

Skadouchebag's Guide to Spotting a Catfish: Never Get Fooled Again!

Flag #4: talks like a pornsite

Some catfish just don't seem to get that the key to pretending to be someone else is to actually act like them.They often wind up describing their sex life in ways no mentally healthy woman ever would. Sometimes they claim to love the feeling of choking on a dick and being violently skullf*cked... even though they otherwise give no indication of masochism at all. Sometimes it's as if they're just reading the description of a porn video.

So if she usually says stuff along the lines of "I like rough sex, as long as I'm romantically interested in the guy." then you're safe. But if it's stuff like "I want an alpha daddy to dominate me and assblast me and wreck my holes." Then you've caught a catfish!

Flag #5: "Look at me, I'm sexy! are you turned on yet?"

Skadouchebag's Guide to Spotting a Catfish: Never Get Fooled Again!

The catfishes' biggest tell of all, however, is when it looks like they're trying to sound slutty and turn you on. No matter how amazing a real woman sounds, they'll still usually be completely casual and matter-of-fact about it. A catfish is there to make a spectacle of themselves, but a real woman is there to simply answer the question. The more abundant they make it that they know that they're turning you on and that they like that you're getting turned on, the more likely they are to be a catfish.

Thus concludes the five signs of a GAG catfish. may it help prevent you from getting duped in the future.

Skadouchebag's Guide to Spotting a Catfish: Never Get Fooled Again!

DISCLAIMER:

[This test is Specific to GirlsAskGuys; For other social media, it is recommended that you sue the GradeAUnderA test instead:

There are two reasons for this. The first is that GAG catfish seem to be limited to men who pretend to be turboslutty women to get themselves off (although I personally suspect that a good portion are actually gay and do so straight guys will send them dick pics), whereas other sites may have all sorts of different kinds of catfish who may be masquerading for very different reasons (such as identity theft or to mooch money off you), thus my test will not apply to them. The Second reason is that the particular mechanics and preference settings of GAG severely limit the applicability of the GradeA test; my test is partly mean to be a substitute for it.]

Skadouchebag's Guide to Spotting a Catfish: Never Get Fooled Again!
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Most Helpful Guy

  • JustCallMeLeon
    Great take. Some people really need to read this as i see lots of them giving thoughtful 10-line answers to pure catfish profiles.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Thanks!

    • JimRSmith

      I've also noticed that, and think 'that's X minutes of their life they'll never get back'.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • luvstoned4him
    I also saw a question being asked twice , one in a blue profile and the other in pink. I figure its a man trying to appear as a woman and vice vers to get answers.
  • Sam23
    I enjoy giving blowjobs like working on that gage reflex
    • tinyclit

      What a kink that must be. Do you use a caliper or a micrometer for that? :)

  • Pink2000
    I’ve noticed that about the bisexual thing.
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