Sexual Relationships
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Why Women Do NOT Have Sex On The First Date

In the past, I have written a myTake on why women have sex on the first date, and on the contrary, it is because they feel as though you've established a strong enough connection to want physical intimacy. That connection is purely sexual attraction, and can be sparked with intense eye contact, positive body language, or with playful banter during flirting, but where's the love, the actual feelings?

Why Women Do NOT Have Sex On The First Date

With sexual attraction at it's peak, and and an emotional connection at it's purest, because sex is succeeded by these feelings, it is a special time. You would not want to have sex with someone you don't find sex with someone you find attractive, but with women, they also do not want to have sex with someone that is meaningless to them. They need to feel that emotional connection in order to come close to the idea, and that connection can't be established on only the first date.

That being said, most women DO need an emotional connection in order to have sex. If you're able to appeal to her emotions within a few hours, that's great, but it's just too unlikely to happen. To have an emotional connection with someone is to have a sense of trust, and during the first date, everyone must look out for:

Possible STD's

No one want's them, and this is a surefire way to repel anyone from having sex so soon. No one knows of any diseases, and no one would want to risk catching them.

Being an Easy Catch

Her social reputation matters to her, guys. She does not want to be labeled as a slut, a whore or whatnot, and she won't give any free passes because you're attractive. How bad would it feel if you gave yourself up so easily? To be used for sex is a terrible thought that no one should ever do to you.

Future Sex Becomes Meaningless

This is one of the reasons why women hold off of sex until marriage, and although I disagree with that, having sex so soon can make further sexual intimacy appear to be dull and tasteless, because it has already happened so soon. They want the sex to be meaningful as possible. That being said, the sex can't be meaningful, if you don't matter yet, and you don't matter on the first date. She wishes to be exclusive to you, and won't engage in sexual activity unless she feels that way.

The first date is really just a fun way to get to know each other better. With determination based off of your actions, you will prove your trustworthiness by remaining respectful to you an the others around you, and secure within yourself on top of being a man. Warm her up first, earn her trust, then you can have sex. She'll need to feel like she's special to you, and that you're special to her. That's not going to happen on the first date.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. Women want to know you well enough to know that you are not just a player looking for another notch on their bedpost.

    2. Having sex means being naked and that is the ultimate vulnerability for a woman. They are worried about what we will think when we see their boobs, their vagina, and their butt. The possibility of being laughed at or ridiculed frightens them. They need to know us well enough to have some confidence that we won't make fun of their 34A boobs, inverted nipples, or large labia.

    3. With cameras being so prevalent and so small today, women having sex with someone they do not know should be concerned about the possibility of being recorded.

    • Right! Concern over their own bodies and vulnerability is an excellenct point! Completely forgot to mention this lol.

Most Helpful Girl

  • women don't 'offer' sex. its not a beverage lol its an activity they want to do.

    for me don't have sex unless i'm in love and ready. date and numbers mean nothing. if i was in love and been on no dates i could have sex. if id been on 200 dates i might not want it.

    • Very true, thank you for pointing that out.

    • :-) :-)

    • Preach!

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • A lot of women are open to first date sex... the ones not 'into' traditional dating and its rules.

    • Right, and I actually agree.

  • I seriously disagree with that last point.

    • Explain?

    • "having sex so soon can make further sexual intimacy appear to be dull and tasteless, because it has already happened so soon." If the only thing that makes your sexual experience exciting is the fact that you waited a long time for it to happen, then you must not be a very exciting person to begin with. Sex is all about experimenting and having fun. If you're not having fun then you're clearly not even trying to put any effort into it. To me that has nothing to do with how soon in a relationship you start having sex. If you're in it for the long run it doesn't matter whether you had sex within the first week or the first few months. You have years ahead of you in which you'll be having sex with your partner. If it becomes pointless early on I'd say it's more about the fact that there's no chemistry or someone isn't putting any effort into it.

    • "That being said, the sex can't be meaningful, if you don't matter yet, and you don't matter on the first date." Sex can be meaningful even if you don't know each other too well yet, and you/your partner can and still matter too. It's all about what you make of the experience and how you treat your partner/how they treat you. Also you're ignoring the fact that you can be friends first before going on a first date, which means that you actually *do* already care for each other and it can, again, be meaningful.

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  • Yup, yup, and yup.

    As well I'd like to expand on the reputation part: not only do we not want to be viewed as a slut, but we also don't want to be viewed as "not girlfriend material." We've all seen or heard that one guy that labeled a girl "good for a lay" but "no good to take home at the end of the day." Our romantic "value" is based largely on not being too easy yet not too hard to get.

    So many quotations. Phew.

    • Good point. I'll have to include those next time.

    • RJ... Why would you WANT to appease a guy who would judge you that way in the first place for doing something he is doing with you. Isn't it better to know so you can weed them out? i dont mean have sex before you are ready, but if you were ready why would you want a guy who would judge you for it? i'm just curious, i don't mean this as an interrogation :-)

    • @Analinda1999 I never said I wanted a guy who would judge me for it, my opinion isn't based on myself but generally. I'm in a relationship where this has never been an issue.

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  • You forgot to add the love part

    Some women want to have sex with someone they love and love takes time to appear.

    There is attraction, liking, even trust...

    but love can appear or not despite those things

    For me sex is to share with someone I love deeply

    • You'll have to read the full take to see where I included love lol

    • i read it. I didn't see it? :o

    • I tend to use different wording than others. Most of the time with words dealing with emotion such as love or guilt, I don't use the word. I explained that a women must have an emotional connection first, not necessarily love, but more of trust.

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  • Sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy, and establishing a connection is very important to me.

    If these factors are preying on my mind I won't have sex with the guy on my first date. But if he manages to tick the three boxes then I don't mind having sex on the first date.

    My partner actually established all those three factors hahaha and I would have loved to had sex with him on the first date.

    But he didn't initiate. I guess he was waiting for me. I think guys should gently try to initiate. If he touches her legs, and she doesn't move his hand and comes close, he should understand the cue. Lol ♥

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with having sex on first date as long as you take the precautions. :-)

    • He should lol. I completely agree 👍🏽

    • I liked your take :-) what's your next one going to be?

    • I'm not sure.. I'll have to see.

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  • From my experience... women don't mind sex on the first date at all. If she doesn't want sex, I'm probably going to bang a hooker on the way home :-/

  • Yes yes and yes :D i agree with this.
    Another reason is i want to make sure the guy likes me for me not just trying to sleep with me.

    • Right 👍🏽👌🏽

    • are you beautiful? i want to get married with this kind of girls

  • Da fuck is this?

    The majority of girls I have met up with wanted sex on the first date haha. I think you need to pull your head out of your ass mate

    • This isn't a mytake on whether or not they do. This is a mytake on the why the women who say no, say no. Doesn't have anything to do with the women that do, and I did write a mytake before on why women do have sex on the first date.

  • Pff, most of my lays don't even bother with dates. Some are just like guys, if they like what they see and hear they will want to fuck. For me it's mostly been like this: bar, club or online site (there's 100's, not just Tinder), chat, meet at her place or mine, foreplay, sex, and only then if she wasn't a bad or just mediocre lay (this is where loving oral creampies during the BJ hooks-and reels me in, not all go for that so they are real gems worth keeping around awhile) talk about dating and getting to know more about her and longer term arrangements. This may sound like the reverse of what used to be "normal" (in the 1950's) but eh, oh well. I doubt I'm the only one with that MO.

    • You mean hookups?

    • Hookup first, possible date/relationship after, not the reverse.

    • It's a faster, more efficient filter than wasting time dating for possibly nothing. I won't have a girlfriend that's lousy or even just mediocre in bed, that's a deal breaker. And I'd rather not find this out after a month of dates.

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  • I don't offer sex at the first date because I wanna date, not just f*ck as some needy primitive.
    We have hook ups for that.

    • it amazes me everyime when i read answers from women like you, its like you want a great boyfriend material guy who you will not easily get you, but when you're bored you just choose the nearest guy you find and ask him to stick it in you without him even having to do anything or even like you, no wonder lots of guys feel betrayed and played when they have to pay 10x times the price someone else paid to get the same treatment.

    • @CoolSky01 It's not the same treatment. If it is for you, then you look only for sex. If you want only sex then don't bother with relationships. Hook up = just sex (it doesn't even have to be something extra, who knows how it will go). But a relationship is something different, much more if you really like each other.

    • No its not something else, when you have sex with a guy you just met and you let the one you like wait 3 months, the other dude will feel like a complete loser and probably will move on and find someone else, it doesn't work the way you think it does, no decent guy accepts to be treated like that its just a fact guys dont not take it well when they take a long time to do what someone else has done in few hours.

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  • Because she doesn't find the guy hot enough.

  • I think it's mostly about looks. Like you said, they are risking their reputation, stds, unwanted pregnancy, and feeling used if the guy wants nothing to do with them, so sex on the first date is only worth it to them if the guy is exceptionally attractive.

    • Why the downvote? It's true, they don't want to risk their reputation, or have stds, or unwanted pregnancy and feeling used by some guy who wants nothing to do with them.

  • A first date should be coffee and conversation to decide if this is someone you would actually want to see again, or actually date. An hour or two is plenty, and you can pick up the tab.

  • For real, I'll never understand people who're that afraid of sex. Lol. Why do people eat chocolate bars? Because they taste good, and you'll want to do it again. Why do people have sex? Because it feels good, and you'll want to do it again. Plain and simple.

    Some people are too attached to certain cultural rules--then again, a good number also aren't (plenty of girls don't mind sex on the first date).

  • Excellent

    • Thanks 😊

  • Why should a woman settle for 1 free meal and a movie when she can squeeze an extra 4 or 6 free meals, movies and free entertainment from a man? It's basic math and economics.

    • bahahaha funny

  • Interesting take. I wouldn't have sex on the first date (even if "in the moment."

    • Wise choice.

  • Because woman want affection firstly
    The sex is second thing when she submit herself to you then you can do anything

  • actually, Swedish women are notorious for having sex on the first date.. for any of you guys who want to visit Sweden and want to get laid

    • lol nice.

  • Depends on the women ofcourse. I wouldn't personally have sex until the right time ofcourse

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