Sexual Relationships
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Reality Check - Why You Can't Get a Virgin and What to Do About it!

Reality Check - Why You Can't Get a Virgin and What to Do About it!

(Some) Men allegedly want women who are virgins or at least haven't had casual sex. Women who have low "head count" so to speak

And you know what, I get it!! I'm a virgin myself and I've turned away many offers for sex because I want it to be special. I want it to be with someone special. And I don't want that man to think of sex as a sport. I don't want to be one of many.

So really, I get it! And I don't think most women in general are really keen on casual sex. In my experience most women do not have hook ups. Certainly not on a regular basis. So I find it quite annoying when guys act like all women are sluts who sleep around and women who don't are impossible to find.

In fact I find it quite offensive. Especially when it's mixed in with entitlement and objectification. Like saying a woman who has had sex loses her value or comparing women to locks or whatnot, to somehow justify their unfair preference

I would never reduce a guy to the sum of his sexual experience. It's one factor, not the defining factor and I would never suggest that men lose or gain value based on how many women they slept with.

And men who do this to women need a reality check!

I know this isn't what a lot of you want to hear, so bring on the downvotes!

You're the problem!

Reality Check - Why You Can't Get a Virgin and What to Do About it!

If you've ever complained that you only meet "sluts" and never women who are virgins, guess what? You're the problem! Obviously !

Again, I don't think most women want or have causal sex, but it doesn't matter what you believe the percentage here is. Statistics mean nothing to the individual! If there were only 20 women in the world who haven't had casual sex it probably wouldn't matter to you, as long as they're the only women you happen to date. Realistically though there are millions of virgins in every country, thousands in every city. And even more women who never had casual sex, if that's what you're after. But you're not dating them. You consistently go for the ones that DID sleep around

It might be because the kind of women you want, doesn't want you. Or alternatively because you approach the wrong kind of woman. Either way you need to work on that, because it's YOUR failure not women's in general. And this true for both genders and all preferences! Don't try to pin your bad taste in men/women onto someone else!

You can't have your cake and eat it too

Reality Check - Why You Can't Get a Virgin and What to Do About it!

Sounds like common sense, right? But apparently a lot of guys (and girls too) think this is a completely reasonable approach. Ideally they themselves sleep with plenty of women while they're in their 20s ,even 30s, then when they are older, they marry a gorgeous young girl, who was a virgin before, but had sex with them right away. And she also doesn't care about money or looks.

When reality inevitably doesn't confirm their worldview, they get upset, angry and bitter.

If that's your approach to dating you're setting yourself up for failure. This is wishful thinking at best, it's far from reality (And no men don't get more attractive as they age. They might, arguably get unattractive at a slower pace than women but they certainly do NOT get more attractive). Dating and Relationships in many ways are a negotiation in which every party tries to get the best deal for themselves. So in the words of Donald Tusk: "There will be no cakes on the table. For anyone. There will be only salt and vinegar"

I'm sure a lot of guys will say women don't care about virginity as much in men and that's true and that's ok. But why do you want to be with a girl who has not had casual sex? Some guys will say it's about her vagina being lose or some vague idea about STDs, maybe even insecurity.

But the most common response will be "values" . They want the woman who they share their life with to be loyal, somewhat conservative, pure and think of sex something special.

Well guess what, so do women! If you want a girl that values intimacy as something special between two people, then she is likely to want the same in a guy. You can't say on the one hand you want a woman that has certain values and then not adhere to those values yourself. You get what you give !

Walk the Walk

Reality Check - Why You Can't Get a Virgin and What to Do About it!

Men and Women are different, so I'm not saying that you always have to provide exactly what you want in every detail. But if you have a long laundry list of things you want and you can't give any of them, then that's a problem. In both men and women.

And while I think details are different, overall values are normally mutual. If you want loyalty, provide loyalty. If you want respect, give respect...

Should go without saying, right? Well I've seen it so many times that guys want their girlfriends to respect them, which is completely normal. But then they fail to respect her needs and decisions. Since we're talking about sex, if you google "How to get your girlfriend to do anal/oral/whatever" you get millions of results. It's a common question on here and I hear it from a lot of girls that their boyfriends pressure them to do something they don't want in the bedroom. That is not respecting her! And what's worse often those guys don't feel they did anything wrong.

Think honestly about what a girl that you want, would want in a man and try your best to provide it. If you can't, well maybe you're punching outside of your league

Where to meet such women

Reality Check - Why You Can't Get a Virgin and What to Do About it!

One of the most often asked question on here is where do you meet girls that have not slept around.....

Well... everywhere!

If you think that having casual sex or not is such a defining character trait that you will be able to tell by a girls favorite hangouts, you're wrong ! The idea that all women who do have casual sex flock together at a certain place and those who don't, meet at a different place is absurd. You can't tell someones number by their favorite coffee shop. You will be able to meet women who have and have not had casual sex virtually everywhere. With some obvious exceptions such as an sex addicts meeting.

I do think some places are more suited than others to start a long lasting relationship but that's another story all together.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • A lot of guys do like virgins, yeah. For me I don't really care one way or another, though I lean more towards a woman who has already had sex.

    And, yes, many women today DO have lots of casual sex and hookups. It really is not a foreign thing. There is a reason why guys are saying chicks are sleeping around. Quite a few are doing it more than people really realize.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Thank you! I cannot tell you how sick I am of hearing men bash women and call them "cum rags" and whores for having slept with two or three men that they were in relationships with but in the same breath say women are for a mans pleasure.

    • These guys are trash. If you want a girl with a low number then be a guy with a low number and treat her like you want to be treated by her. It would be such easier if all non promiscious would date non promiscious people and promiscious date promiscious people.

    • @Actress78 "It would be such easier if all non promiscious would date non promiscious people and promiscious date promiscious people" ^^ ... Which is pretty much exactly how the real world works.

    • @redeyemindtricks unfortunately its not always the case. There are many non promiscious people who end up with a promiscious person because they couldnt find a non promiscious person or more commonly, they were lied about ones sexual past. How often does it happen that a person lies about their sexual past because they want to look good in the eyes of their love interest? Almost everytime. Espevially many people are labelled as judgmental, insecure or immature if they care about ones sexual past. Therefore they are afraid to ask it because they could be seen as judgmental and most people dont want a judgmental person as a date

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • What a great MyTake! I really appreciated your insight and I 100% agree with everything you said. I have met innocent girls who turn out to sleep with tons of guys, and super flirty girls who have slept with 1 or none. Basically you can't judge a book by its cover. As for respecting women. The bedroom issue is definitely a thing. And with my ex, I asked her one day if I could grab her butt while kissing because she was cautious. She didn't want it then, but later when she did let's just say fireworks exploded. So waiting was worth it. A great MyTake and I appreciate your thoughts and concerns :)

  • I agree with a lot of what you say. To be fair, though, I think part of this is hard-wired into evolutionary biology. Men who have sex with a lot of women will be more successful at reproducing, while women who keep a man around to feed and care for them during pregnancy and child-rearing will be more successful at reproducing. But a man doesn't want to commit in that way to a woman who is sleeping with other men (or who has shown that she doesn't mind sleeping with other men) because in that case the child he is supporting might not be his and he's instead putting all of his resources into ensuring the survival of another man's genes.

    Obviously feminism and birth control have had a huge impact on all of this, and rationally we may know it, but our genes don't. So guys still adopt the double standard. In other words, biology is driving their morals (or lack of them).

    • actually child birth is less dangerous the more children you have. It's most risky with your first child and decreases from there. So by that logic if guys want healthy babies they should date women who already have children. Also google "sperm competition ". I get it's a theory that people have, I think it's a bit shaky and it's impossible to tell nature from nurture here But anyhow, it doesn't make any difference to my point. If it IS true that men are designed to want virgins, then women who are virgins are high in demand and low supply atm and a lot of guys are not being realistic about what they can get

  • Virgins are all around us and can be found everywhere. Everybody has their dating preference. I would date a virgin if she wanted to date me.

  • I really like how you called people out. I think that its so dumb that people expect one thing from their partner but never reciprocate.

  • Didn't think men actually want virgins that much.

    • Men do many men here do too

    • Depends on the person not gender

  • Very good take. Yes, I see too many men complaining about "slutty" women and not being able to find a virgin or girl with "values," when they do not live up to their own standards. Sorry, a woman who is saving sex for marriage or someone special isn't just going to magically hop into bed with you. She will want someone with similar values. They say you have to be the kind of person you want, and it's true.

  • i'm just going to be blunt because somebody has to stick up for the guys. i really don't have any respect for the white knights in the closet over there. but frankly- yes girls do sleep around. a lot. they just don't talk about it with their VIRGIN FRIENDS because you're a goody goody and we don't want to spoil that by getting you jealous and then you go out and give in to temptation. but you are correct that guys should be more romantic and actually have a relationship and want to get married, not just hook up. but a lot of girls have sex with guys hoping to snag him into a relationship if the sex is good enough. and sorry princess, but YES your headcount does reduce your value TO MEN. not to God or the general public or your mom and dad or your boss- but to the men you want to get married to, the more penises you've had the less likely they will be to buy you. that's just the way men operate babe and you need to move on to a different soap box about it because it's never going to change. so you need to adapt your self when life won't adapt around you. the GOOD news for YOU is that you already don't have that problem! you're a virgin which means you're the ribeye. as long as you're cute guys want you. don't let a guy have sex with you until you get married- but promise it will be FANTASTIC. and make sure you masturbate regularly so that you know how to orgasm because there's only one thing a guy hates more than a girl that won't put out- and that's a girl he can't get off. some girls have that problem but i have yet to meet a penis i didn't like. (is that naughty?)

    • True, but shouldn't women operate the same way?

    • the point i'm making in case anyone missed it is that men can't find virgins because most women are sluts ;) guys are just being guys when they are trying to bed you. trying to expect a man to be the one to show restraint is just a fool's errand. women have to demand marriage and then stop ruining it for the rest of us who are looking for a husband by divorcing and destroying a perfectly good man. LEARN to get along!

    • I mean all you're saying is that most girls are sluts, in which case you missed the point of the take entirely To sum up, statistics mean nothing to the individual and if it's true that virgins are in high demand and low supply as you claim, then you have to be a man of a certain caliber to get one. Simple as that. If you're not that type of man, well tough luck we can't always get what you want I'm not telling men that they can't want virgins, I'm just sick of the pointing fingers when it doesn't work out for them.

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  • I think people should look for people who have the same values as them. I'm not a promiscuous woman, therefore I do not want a promiscuous man. Your sexual history is a reflection of your values and two people who have opposing values will not work out.

    • This makes total sense. ^^

    • This is pretty much exactly what real-life people do.
      It's always been what people have done, for the most part — but, now that we live in a time when people have extended relationships prior to getting married, it's pretty much what 99.999999% of people do.
      For the simple reason that more promiscuous ("higher sociosexuality") people — who are accustomed to relationships that get fully sexual right away, or with a minimal delay at most — just WILL NOT TOLERATE a long wait. They won't. They CAN'T.
      Partly just as a result of what you might call being "spoiled"... but partly because more promiscuous people actually value the personal communication and discovery that sex provides. In other words, because you can get to KNOW someone — that person's REAL self — in the bedroom, in many ways, much faster and much more honestly than anywhere else.
      I wrote about this here (woman's mho):
      www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2066783-are-there-guys-willing-to-wait-until-marriage

      The whole notion of

    • some "alpha" (lol) dude fucking half the town, but then wanting to turn around and marry a woman who's literally a virgin — or even giving half a shit about her "partner count" in the first place — is a myth propagated by internet weirdos who have never socialized with real-life people. (For the most part, they're the same strange people who claim that men's "sexual value" is maximized around MY age — or, more commonly, just a few years older than THEY are at the time of writing [ah, eternal hope!] — and genuinely, sincerely, seem to believe that 18-21 year old college boys can't get laid. Smh)

  • Totally agree! All the time I have been thinking this: If guys can sleep around with lots of girls, then we girls can sleep around with lots of guys too! Everyone is free to do whatever they want with their bodies, except rape or something like that. But to be honest, if someone really loves you, that person won't care if you're virgin or not, they will love you the way you are: Tall, short, blonde, brunette, virgin, not virgin... How would guys react if we girls says we want virgin guys, not promiscuous guys?

    • And virgin men and women?

    • @Asad1ONE1 If you're asking me what I think about that, I think it would be great if a couple were virgin, but those days it's hard...

    • Don't virgin women prefer virgin men also?

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  • Can't we all just live as we want, fuck with who we want and chill? 😩

    • Sure you can but aslong as you dont try to waste time of guys with different values. If you only date guys who live the same way as you and leave the guys with different values alone no one would cry.

  • Women love to brag about their "body counts". I've been the only man in a class with 20 or so women while at a technical college one time, and it seemed to me that just about the only thing the women talked to one another about was how many men they'd had sex with.

    Virgins are very rare. I live in an area with apopulation of about 120,000 and I bet there aren't 1000 adult virgins in the entire area.

    Surveys of college aged women show that most women lose their virginity in High School, and among the "smart" ones who wait until college, most lost their virginity in the second or third semester of college.

    I've actually even seen a double-blind survey which showed a significant portion of women have already had 7 to 9 sexual partners by the time they graduate High School. They only counted sexual encounters where both the man and the woman claimed to have slept with one another. This was in Popular Science, and nearly the entire school population was connected in one giant web of who fucked who, with a few smaller unconnected chains having formed as well.

    • Also, this was around 12 years ago, before some of you people became sexually active, and based on the way you people talk, you people are way more risky than those people were, and you're ridiculously more risky than even the most promiscuous people I knew in my High School senior year.

    • Because there were actually a few lesbian encounters in the group, but no gay men encounters in the group, the women were actually slightly more promiscuous on average than the men. Similarly, because the virginity rate in Japan is 60% among women but 70% among men, it means the women are actually more promiscuous than the men on average. So much for the brow-beating of promiscuous men, huh?

    • Women prefer men who have had sex with other women, which is oen reason I am in a vicious cycle. They don't date inexperienced guys. They actually put in their dating profiles that they want a guy who's slept with other women, even on supposedly "classy" sites such as Match. Even if the woman is a virgin herself, she still wants an experienced man who's slept around, and she generally will not respond to a man who obviously has not slept around.

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  • Wonderful written. I've read most of these "why do i only find promiscious woman?" and "where to find a girl who does not do casual sex?" questions and i understood why they asked because i am seeking such a guy myself with similar values, but there were never good answers but you have answered it beautifully.

    • thanks

  • Excellent discussion. I think immature guys want a girl who is a virgin or who has had one or two partners, at most, but who will have sex with them on the first or second date. When they can'f find this unicorn, they get butthurt and blame women for all being sluts who want to use them, and they join the MGTOW crowd. My response: Good riddance, not much of a loss, and grateful for anyone who decreases the competition for guys looking for a real relationship.

  • Men who slut shame and sleep around, expecting a virgin - are men every women should stay away from.

    I can understand why someone who has not had any sexual experience would consider it very special and want a partner with no sexual experience as well.

    But they need to understand they can be sexually incompatible - this does happen.
    Many people with just one partner do think of what another person would feel like.

    Rape etc exists. Divorce does too.

    Women and men can have sex as much as they like if they keep STDs in check.

    No one should be held down and judged by how many people they had sex with.

    • what about man who masturbate and wait for the right and only virgin girls

    • Why shouldn't they be judged? I judge every person i meet, be it either for their finances or their career choices or their education or their sexual past. Why do people cry around if someone judges you for your sexual past but no one cries if you judge someone for their alcohol and smoking past?

    • @Actress78 Smoking will give me a asthma attack Alcohol causes male infertility and increase in estrogen for men ... like I said before if he doesn't have children and stds, it does not matter.

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  • I think most men don't really need a virgin but many boys do. And while they may say many reasons, the bottom line comes down to insecurity. They are just terrified that they may be compared to a previous lover, so they'll say it's about value or morals or religion or anything else.

    • what if a man wants a woman with low headcount because he sees that as a classy feature in a woman?

    • @greatgoo he needs to relearn what the word classy means.

    • and you should learn what self respect is

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  • I'm a virgin and gonna stay that way till marriage. Soooo... boys hope you get the message ❤️

  • Very good and well spoken point. I agree with almost everything. Some guys tend to think women have ridden the "carousel' during college and when they get older they settle down with a man who is "less." It's ridiculous and based on very little to no evidence I believe. I personally find promiscuous women to be disgusting, but I would never judge someone for that. I'd just leave and find a better woman

    • "They had us in the first half, not gonna lie"

  • Such complete nonsense.
    Waiting until marriage is the absolute worst thing anyone can do. Your raising your already messed up odds of a divorce another 30 or 40% not to mention ruining your wedding night.
    I can understand wanting it to be "special" if you a woman. Young women already have such fucked up views on sex as it is. but some women take it way too far.
    just get it over with and move on...

    • Actually people who wait till marriage have the most stable marriages. So your claim is bs

    • @lord_chilled lol.. says a 23 yr old child. I have known several women that waited, not one says it was the correct choice. 2 got divorced for sexual incompatibility.

    • So said a 22 yo man by the way. This was a year ago. While the 50 yo kid still hasn't figured it out. You dont know many women who waited. You mostly know women who didn't. I know mostly women who waited and they are all in happy stable marriages. The ones that have issues are the ones that had previous relationships. It is statistically proven that the fewer previous partners you have the more likely your marriage is to succeed. Look at western countries where people are promiscuous and look at the divorce rates. Over 40%. More like 50% in some european countries. Now compare this with eastern european countries that are more traditional. Divorce rates are lower (around 30%) And now compare this to more strict, Asian and some African countries. Its even less. Thats because they value virginity and dont promote sleeping around like idiots. Basically the idiotic sexual revolution fucked up the entire western world's family life.

  • Wow. I hope you are getting paid as a freelance writer.

  • I think the guys that "NEED" a virgin are...

    A... very religious and want a "pure girl"
    B... are very small down stair/don't last long and want a girl that is as tight as possible and wouldn't know how bad they are.

    Any guy that is looking for a Virgin and he's 30... is a creep/pervert in my book... basically a "Closest" if not "actually" pedophile.

    I've never been with a virgin... and quiet frankly wouldn't want to.
    1. I like an aggressive girl... and 99% of virgins aren't aggressive because they don't know what they are doing... and more importantly "what they like".

    2. I've had problems with girls in pain that are experienced... so a VIRGIN is 99.9% guaranteed to be in pain and thats not fun for me. I forgot to meant some of those perverts get off from hurting girls... makes them feel like a man/or big...(FN Sick to think about... but they are out there).

    • You should have been instructed on how to break a virgin, I have 2, slowly take a few weeks, IT WAS A HELL OF GOOD CUM FOR QUITE SOME TIME, nice and tight etc

    • haha, so true.

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