“RJ You don’t write mytakes anymore, you always promise to start doing it again but you don’t. You’re as inconsistent as my father. I’m triggered!” *cry, cry, cry*
Yeah, I know. I’m not gonna give any b/s excuses, I just haven’t felt compelled to write anything but today I have some extra time over my break and I thought this would be a fun/hilarious and possibly informative mytake to put out there into the G@G universe.
Now, if you’re a female (or a male on a female account, I see you) on G@G then you have probably had a plethora of DM’s asking you creepy, perverted questions, if not questions on your responses, and you’ve been invited to a lot of hyper-specific-perv questions that you KNOW are designed to give the asker some spank material.
Okay, but seriously: if any of you have ever followed my opinions or just happened to notice me around the G@G block, you’ll realize that I often answer sex Q’s either impassively, indirectly, or in a very non-serious, joking way. Sometimes I’ll answer clearly and forwardly, but that depends on the question and how many people have also answered. So, today, I am breaking that habit (RIP Chester Bennington) today and answering some of the perverted questions that I have been asked on G@G.
And no, I’m not making this for spank material sake; this is intended to be light hearted, funny, and a good way for me to get some passive aggressive (barely) pot shots at some pervy G@Gers. Enjoy.
What is your bra size?
I’ve openly answered this before openly but I still get this question a lot – before I made my profile private that is. Still it finds its way to me via the comments or KIK (provided that I entertain your chat request) and the answer isn’t so simple as I’ve commented before.
The answer is “32-34C” depending on the bra. I thought after losing a few lbs that I had to size down my bras, as some of my former collection no longer fit as snuggly. However after some of my new 32C’s not containing the beasts so well, my answer is: 32C in some, 34C in others. Medium to large if it’s a bralette without any padding at all.
WOMEN ARE SO INDECISIVE THAT EVEN THEIR BOOBS CAN’T MAKE UP THEIR MINDS!
Not nearly as shlong hardening as you thought, huh? I know I probably pissed off a few MGTOWers so here's a gif of some boobs to make up for it.
How tight is that Pussy?
For every single dude that asked me to put a ruler in my snatch: screw off. If you think for one minute that I’m going to actually ram a plastic/wooden object with EDGES into my crotch for the sake of your weird gratification, you can ram a ruler up your cornhole to measure your booty hymen, and then get back to me.
Leave a message though, I probably won’t answer.
Anyway, obviously I have no way to measure this accurately, but I will tell you is that the vag is a muscle that can expand and contract, so even if someone could do the above it may not to effect the sex you have the way you think it will. The only way I can answer this question is the same way I answered a question for a G@Ger who had an issue with extreme tightness. While I didn’t have the exact same plight as her, it took me nearly a year to adjust to having sex with my lover of average size comfortably and without mild pain. So hopefully that’s adequate enough, YA NASTY.
Do Girls Love Cum and Fat Loads? DO YOU LOVE CUM AND FAT LOADS?
Obviously some people are different, but for the most part, my experience is women exercise a large indifference to semen, some are even put off by it, but most treat it the same way we treat cherry cough syrup: not great in taste, but it makes you feel good so swallow it anyway.
No, not every girl is like those chicks in porn that like to swish cum between their teeth before they spit it into another girl’s mouth. If you find a girl like that, you’ve either hit a jack pot or a former porn star. Check her resume.
My personal answer is simple: I’m indifferent to cum. How much you cum, what it tastes like, it goes to the same place anyway, though I will say excessive amounts of it sounds challenging and mildly off-putting. However, not deal breaking or necessarily a turn off. Just a hassle.
Speaking of cum, DO YOU SWALLOW?
If you can do a shot of vodka you can do a shot of man gravy. Fuck if you’ve done a Yager Bomb you have no excuse.
… Which means yeah, I do. It’s not a big deal. Not like I’m gonna be swallowing yours any time soon so stay cucked and loaded.
ARE YOU A VIRGIN!?!?!
Do you love anal?
Never had it but my man and I both don’t like the idea of it so we agreed to leave that one off of the table. For the follow up of: “But if he asked, would you?” once upon a time I would have said no, but I try to be open minded. So I guess I would but I sincerely doubt it’d be my thing. If I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t do it again.
Somehow even the slight possibility of my man getting shit-cock just puts me off. Condom or not. And there ain’t no way in hell I’m douching my asshole – douche your own asshole before expecting me to do that shit. Douche it with Dr. Pepper, you sicko.
Would you let a man worship your feet?
No. That’s weird. I don’t care if it hurts your feelings: licking toes is weird. Wanting me to jerk your cock with feet is weird. I’m allowed to think it’s weird. I’m not oppressing you I’m just exercising an opinion. I’m sure there’s a foot goddess out there for you somewhere but the only way you and my foot are going to partake in anything remotely sexual is if I break my foot off in your ass. And I try to avoid unnecessary violence.
But at the end of the day, do you. Or, do someone’s … foot. However that process works for you.
Do you fantasize about BBC?
Not in particular, no. Not for it, not against it. Nothing to do with race, nothing to do with size. But I will say that once you get to 10”+ I’m fucking scared.
Would you practice being a dominatrix?
No. I don’t mind a power struggle in the bedroom, and you can call me sexist if you like but a man being totally submissive to me feels awkwardly … girly, and off putting. Not saying you’re girly if you like being a male sub but I can’t help how I feel about it. However I don’t mind switching things up and taking over, but I’m not about to rape you and make you lick my boots. My boots happen to be nice, and expensive, so keep your damn saliva off of them. You’ll ruin the suede.
Also if you dare call me mommy I’m calling your mother and telling her you asked for a paternity test because you clearly seem confused.
Would you let a guy eat food out of your pussy?
No. Infections dude, INFECTIONS.
You want my crotch to from smelling like vanilla ice cream to sour cottage cheese? Keep the food in the bowl, slick.
Do you shave your pubes?
Most women do. So yeah. I get razor rash sometimes though, and it’s a bitch when that shit gets prickly and stabby by like day 3, but because you have razor rash you gotta use treatment and let it grow back out…
And don’t get me started on the rare times BOILS happen. Always change your razors, ladies! ALWAYS! *shudder*
*I’m trying to kill your boner. Take it.*
Unless you still somehow get off to that, in which case ... you're a true freak.
What colour is/are your pussy/nipples?
Same colour as my favourite nude lipstick.
.... But the question is, WHICH ONE!?!?
Okay, my trolly-b/s aside that was my mytake for the day ladies and gentleman. For anyone who might find any of the above offensive, please bare in mind that I was popping off a few jokes and I meant for this to be humorous, not ill-intended. Even if you read this and you're still offended ... well...