Inside the Mind of a Male Virgin: What I Wish Women Understood

Inside the Mind of a Male Virgin: What I Wish Women Understood

This is in response to @Ozanne's article of a similar topic. Granted, while I greatly appreciate the sentiment of her article, I do not think the author fully grasps the scope of the amount of pain and humiliation that male virgins like yours truly really feel, nor what it actually means. Though to be fair, I do not really think any woman for that matter truly grasps or, or ever will. Which is precisely why I have written this article.

I hate women,

I am not even going to lie about it. That is not to say I am proud of it, or that it is something I accept as normal and healthy. But I am only acknowledging that it exists, and that it is something I need to work on. As a male virgin, I hate women. That is, truly hate them. I harbor a very deep, inner resentment that is rooted in years upon years of rejection, the friend zone, being heartbroken, and taken advantage of.

The last woman I dated friend zoned me and instead of taking it gracefully, I told her that I no longer wanted to be her friend at all and that I hated her. Despite the fact that she had been as nice and polite about it as possible, I still made her cry. Not because I truly hated her, but simply because I only wanted to cause her pain. Because I recognized that she was a woman and I hate women.

My mother played a huge part in it,

My mother promised me that she would always be there for me and that I could talk to her about anything no matter what. That being said, I poured my heart out to her. I sent her extremely long Facebook messages outlining everything that was truly bothering me, my most personal fears and anxieties, and embarrassment over being a virgin. Upon waiting almost two whole years for a response, she finally tells me that she does not want to deal with me and that she is not going to answer them.

My own mother essentially gave up on me.

If a man's mother is not there for him, then what woman will be?

What it means to be a male virgin

ImagiIne waking up every day and being surrounded by extremely beautiful woman from classmates, coworkers, and friends to the media, internet, and television. One cannot even visit a shopping mall without seeing those Victoria's Secret angels' images blown up on screen. Then knowing that you will never be able to sleep with any of them. That they would never give you the time of day. That they will always be out of your league.

This is what it means to be a male virgin, only, it gets worse.

Imagine knowing that there are is a small but elite class of men at the very top of the totem pole whom are monopolizing all of these women. That there are men who seemingly have it all and can sleep with whomever they want whenever they want, and that you will never be one of those males. Because as cliche as it sounds, women do only sleep with assholes and that is truth.

The true pain, then, comes not from the lack of sex, but from knowing that you could never have sex even if you wanted it. It is about knowing that you are inferior, that you are less of a man, that there are other men better than you.

Is it any surprise then why men like me hate women?

Women are the source of our pain. It is observing their mating habits and knowing that they will never sleep with guys like us. That they only want the players and assholes. That they will always consider themselves better than and above us. I genuinely believe that Instagram alone has made this phenomenon that much worse. Now practically any woman can become a model overnight reinforcing the celebrity-fan relationship between men and women.

I have self harmed. I have screamed at the top of my lungs. I have punched holes in the wall and I have cried to the Heavens above. My pain is of a deep, burning ontological kind. I am inferior. I am not a DiCaprio. Women will never love me. I am not a true man. I cannot have sex even if I wanted it.

The media makes it worse

Seeing magazines like Cosmopolitan which almost go out of their way to normalize premarital sex and reinforce the idea that it is abnormal to be a virgin only adds salt to the wound. That and virtually the entire Jewish leftist media which is advancing the narrative of promiscuity. From television to movies, books, magazines, and music.

If you are not having sex then you are weird and abnormal. Words cannot even describe the feelings of alienation, inadequacy, and burning hatred and sorrow that men like me experience.

Not to mention the

discrepancy between what women say and what they actually do.

Women like to claim that there is nothing wrong with being a male virgin or that we should not feel ashamed, yet their actions say otherwise. Because even though 90% of women may say such things, it is also true that 90% of women would not sleep with a male virgin. In short, they are lying through their teeth. And that is very frustrating. Especially when it feels like we are settling for the leftovers of another man, because oftentimes the only time they will ever sleep with us is after they are done screwing around with the aforementioned assholes at the top.

I am a very bitter person

They do not call me the underground man for nothing. As stated earlier, I really hate women. I am not proud of it, but it is true. I like to wear designer clothing and then laugh at women who do not have as many nice things as me. The fact that I have more money than them makes me feel superior. I listen to music that is objectifying and degrading to women. I view them as nothing more than sexual objects and whores that deserve to be heartbroken.

I am proud of none of this, but am only being honest. That is what being a male virgin does to a man. How am I supposed to love women when every woman in my life has let me down?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Thanks for the mention. Your anger issues are a bit disturbing and my points on Elliot Rodger touched on the mental illness quotient of his problems. I truly hope you can find support to deal with that, because virginity is no longer the problem if you start causing harm.

    I also have reason to believe virginity isn't the issue when you claim to hate women over and over. As soon as you start desiring them again, and quit punching holes in walls and cutting yourself, then maybe one will want to get close to you. Til then? Nope. If a girl does, she'll be just as troubled.

    It's not worth all this anger and self-abuse. Virginity doesn't define you unless you let it. You're letting it.

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    • Show All
    • @HikerDude Guy getting 'Bad experience' and Women has 'pain experience' for wrongful put Guy in friendzone.

    • @HikerDude Well you have some research to do lol.

Most Helpful Guy

  • While I don't agree with everything, I must say that I really liked this Take because you're getting it out. You're being real and really pouring out how you feel with honesty. And I had to give you a thumbs up for that.

    However - and this may sound like a broken record - it really is not that hopeless. You gotta get yourself out there and meet chicks. Get colorful. Strike up conversation. You'll have some misses, but one will be bound to be a hit. It's a work in progress. Go ahead and get started.

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Join the discussion

What Girls Said 30

  • it may be a unpopular opinion, but i 100% kinda get it. even though your words were kinda harsh, if you past through them i see the message you're trying to conceive with them :c
    man have some things they are 'expected' from, as much as woman do. most girls will not get it, but let's compare it to... let's say, being considered pretty. girls are absolutely likewise CRUSHED when they're ignored again and again and again because they're not pretty enough, and a butt load of girls blame boys for being too 'superficial'.
    c'mon, you can't say that's a lie. i saw this SO MANY TIMES online.
    cause girls aren't? superficial?
    not as much, maybe, but they certainly are too.
    boys, instead of being expected to be pretty, are expected to have a lot of sex. it's like... when you don't meet the standards you are expected to meet for society, you feel frustrated. almost like you're being bullied; but no one really bullies you. outcasted from society.
    you're not in the joke; you're the joke.
    the thing is... i know you probably had some bad experiences with woman, but that >DOESN'T< justify hating them. we're all different. we all want different things.
    if you stop hating us so much, and stop pitying yourself so much, i'm sure things will change. step by step. your life is based off on how you act on it and see the world as.
    see girls a little more positive. treat them a little more like people, instead of meat, instead of mating partners.
    i hope things get better for ya <3 but a little change up in attitude is always needed ^=^ the initial push is always on our side, not theirs.
    [also don't be too nice. treat them like friends. not too nice, not too mean. the ideal ;) girls like the sincerity of boys, it's fresh since most girls are fake af -qq].

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  • I'm sorry about your mom, that was awful thing to do and she has failed as a mother. But for fucks sakes man you can't put that on all women.. what about women who have been through the same thing? Rejected and heartbroken? They say they hate men and guess what happens, a whole slue of men come to tell her that not all men are like that and stop grouping them as the same. Again making virginity seem like this huge burden when its not, this to me feels like your saying you hate women cause they won't let you have sex with them.

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  • Waaaaahhh, life is so hard because I didn't get what I want 😢 What a crock of shit. You blame everyone else for your issue, which isn't even a big deal! It's not the worst problem in the world or one that isn't solveable. YOU are the reason you're a virgin. You hate women because it's easier than hating yourself and instead of working on yourself and figuring out your issues you write crap like this to make yourself feel better and throw yourself a pity party.

    Women do not OWE you their bodies. Stop expecting things to be given to you. Grow up. Work on yourself and stop blaming others for your issues. It's clear who's at fault here and it certainly isn't women. Don't be the next Elliot Roger. Get your life together.

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    • You act as though you know exactly where he is coming from, you don't. You don't understand the all too common trap that males get themselves into. Why? because you are a woman. You have gotten more than most guy's can ask for. Quit the negative talk and empathize, he's in a vulnerable place and you just shit all over him.

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    • You talk rubbish. If you're such a catch, why are you a virgin? Oh yeah because you're a woman hating loser and they can spot that a mile off.
      Advance female promiscuity 😂 My god. You know nothing about women, that much is evident. And you're not a catch cause if you were you wouldn't be whining about being single on gag. You're either incredibly ugly or you're just a horrendous person. My guess is the latter.

    • Good read I was entertained sitting here eating my popcorn

  • I have to say, sending your mother a Facebook message about your feelings on being a virgin was probably not the most appropriate way to initiate a conversation. I'm not condoning the way she handled it, but you do have to understand that hearing your son talk about his virginity is awkward to say the least. You may have seriously overwhelmed her. Parents are still human, and she may not have known how to react to such a flood of intimate confessions. Again, I don't condone the way she handled it, but I think you may have had better results if you had eased her into the conversation more gradually, and talked in person. Such serious issues are usually better discussed in person. It can feel weird and impersonal to hear about them in other ways.

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    • The real reasons why you are a virgin:
      1. You feel entitled to sex
      2. You have unrealistic standards
      3. You hate the very group of people that you desire sex with
      These are things that YOU are responsible for fixing. Women are not obligated to solve these issues for you.

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    • I didn't get to say he gets to hate all women, all I am saying is the way she acted was inexcusable. If this problem was resolved after that message, for example if she didn't like to talk over facebook she could have just called him. That problem clearly isn't resolved though with the way he is talking, so she really doesn't want to deal with him

    • @FreedomByChoice I agree, the way she handled the situation was completely inexcusable. But I don't think we can assume that she is a monster who doesn't love her son simply because she didn't want to discuss his virginity status over facebook. He initiated the conversation in a highly inappropriate, immature manner. She may have felt too uncomfortable to know how to react. Still, she should have responded in some way, and she problem should have helped him seek professional treatment (since he obviously is dealing with bigger problems than simply being a virgin). I never condoned the way she handled the situation, I just think it is a stretch to assume that she doesn't care about him. The asker may feel that she doesn't care about him, but that does not necessarily make it true.

  • Your attitude is part of the problem. People and women, in particular, are good at picking up your hostile, self-defeatist attitude. It comes out in your mannerism, your approach, everything... I know because I've been treated very differently depending on how I feel about myself.

    Listen, just face it. It's not an easy time for anyone to date. You think good looking or charming people are more successful at getting relationships (I certainly hope you're not just out to use people for sex - which can be equally empty, from what I've heard - only good for sex, nothing else). THeyre NOT. They get rejected a ton. Heck, I get complimented on my looks as much as I get rejected when I approach people. People are complicated. They have issues. They're not easy to read. Added to the facebook blight, people don't even feel comfortable making eye contact and sensing someone's sincerity.

    Don't give up. Don't blame anyone. Take responsibility. How many people have you actually approached? How many lessons have you learned from your rejections? Do the scut work.

    Just like applying for a job... Just apply like a psycho to every company around and eventually someone will bite. It's essential to make money for your survival. Just like it is essential for your well-being to be in a mutually satisfying relationship with a woman. Invest some hardcore effort into that instead of ranting on here. Nothing worth having comes easy. Trust me.

    I'm still a virgin and I can't find the kind of guy I'm looking for. I've had plenty of opportunities, but I want to hold out for the right person. I can do it, so can you.

    Please take heart. Here's a previous post on how to approach girls. I have used these techniques with considerable success:
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2009657-ladies-would-you-rather-be-approached-in-a-grocery-store-or-a-night

    Come back when you've approached at least 1,000 girls and then complain about how much your life sucks.

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  • When I started reading your post, my first thought was that your issues probably go much deeper than just finding a mate.

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  • Stop making ginormous generalizations about women first of all. You're just as bad as a racist who hates all people of a certain race just because one or two have been rude to them in the past. If you are bothered so much by this to be writing long articles about it, stop hating women and stop feeling hopeless/helpless. You're one of a million people who think that being a virgin is some kind of shameful thing when it's not. You need to work out your trust issues with women and slowly gain trust in the right ones.

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  • Yeah. With that attitude you're not very likely to stop being a virgin anytime soon.

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  • Wow, you have some major fucking issues bro and the least of your worries should be losing your virginity.

    We all get hurt and our hearts broken by the opposite sex but that's not reason to have so much hate a resentment towards the whole gender!!! YOU CHOOSE to feel this way and to behave a certain way and what you choose make people not want to know you.

    I would never sleep with you because your attitude is disgusting, I wouldn't even be your friend let alone let you touch me.

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    • Like I said before, you are a woman. You do not understand. You never felt anything like this.

    • Rejection and getting hurt by the opposite sex is not a snake exclusive thing so stop making that excuse. You have issue and you need to deal with them

  • yeah you hate women. but your hate is irrational. you dont know all women. also no man attracts all women. but if you attract none, its not on women its on you.
    plus who told you, you will be happier after sex? this void in your heart will still be there. you lack purpose in life and drive, not sex.

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  • read what i say and follow my advice and things will get better. first of all- you're all up tight about trying to not be a virgin- that you keep spiraling in. compartmentalize your emotions- you're a guy i know you're good at that. take a step back from the situation and calm yourself. you're not inferior. ther IS a girl out there who will have sex with you. in fact there's probably quite a few. there's a slut on ever corner. second- tell yourself that you don't hate women. you don't hate women. you hate not getting what you want. big difference. it's not wrong to hate not getting what you want. especially when it's a need like sex. it's going to be okay because you can get sex- you just need to chill out. third. stop trying to be friends with girls hoping they'll shag you. don't treat them like your buddies. don't do favors for them. don't do their homework or whatever else for them. don't open the door for them. those nice things are for boyfriends to do for them. if you're not her boyfriend you have no business doing them. STOP doing them favors. if i stopped at your front door every day and offered to give you oral sex every day with no strings attached, would you accept? of course you would. use the 3rd date rule. if you go out for coffee a couple times and then get a movie and you've not gotten to a kiss then it's not going to happen- so just move on. she'll get the hint if she really likes you but is holding out. she'll be calling you to come over and she will take things to the next level if she wants to keep you. also- if you are at a university- bear in mind that you have a significant advantage. women at universities significantly outnumber men. they are sleeping with any guy they can get their hands on hoping he'll stick with her and not 'fuck and chuck'. and lastly- consider a breakout girl. someone who's attractive enough to be fuckable. someone who would be lucky to have any guy at all. getting laid and popping your cherry might be just what you need to just break the tension. she doesn't have to be a movie star. you just need to be able to say you're not a virgin anymore. something changes in a guy unconsciously after he's had sex the first time and girls pick up on it in an animal level. there's an indescribable confidence. just find a breakout girl if you really feel the need to lose your virginity that badly. also- start telling yourself that you love women. say it so often that you start saying it out loud. it will change your attitude

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    • This is pretty good advice. I especially agree that getting laid changes your confidence with girls and they can sense it. It boosts your confidence to know that you have what it takes to sexually own a girl and make her vulnerable. Something changes in a guy the first time he pushes into a girl and feels her surrender herself to him. I know after my first time that interest from girls at my school increased noticeably. So yes, this dude should get what he can to end the issue.

    • haha yeah its the pussy odor phenomenon. taken men have this pheromone scent on them. you can just tell it appart lol.

  • You do know that Leonardo DiCaprio used to get bullied mercilessly right? You know what he did about it? He ignored it and worked on his career and life dreams. He didn't let anybody dissuade him from his goals. Virginity isn't your problem, it's actually a consequence of your pitiful attitude. We all have trials, lashing out only prolongs your isolation.

    Word to the wise, assholes don't get laid (you're attitude is proof).. It's the charmers that do and your overpriced rags don't make you suave.. you sound tiresome.

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    • The only difference between Leo and I is that women sleep with him while they ignore me. But if you really want to get down to it, both of us hate women. Otherwise we would not use them for his own pleasure like expendable pieces of meat. Yet, in the true spirit of hypocrisy, you are only offended by MY misogyny and not his. Why? Because I am not as rich, famous, or attractive in your eyes. You are elitist and hypocritical. Furthermore you know nothing about me or what I have accomplished and what I will become. I graduated high school as valedictorian and student of the year, I have a 4.0 GPA in college, featured essays, and perfect grades. By all accounts I HAVE bettered myself yet women still ignore me.

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    • Fair point I apologize

    • @The_Underground_Man It's alright. I forgive you.

  • A lot of virgins are a virgins for a reason. Some have deep rooted psychological issues, which sounds like your situation. Most things are psychological anyway. I'm a person who believes that people are their own biggest obstacle in life, though when things are all messed up in the mind, that's hard to fix. I'd suggest counseling because the average virgin doesn't have deep seeded hatred towards the other gender.

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  • Hating women to your degree is extremely unhealthy and until you get some serious help with that issue, it would be best if you don't date. You will start mistreating her, more than likely in a very abusive way. There are lots of moms that screw up majorly when they have kids. Many men have developed attachment issues with women because of it... or and women do the same with men. There is a reason the is supposed to be 2 parents and with so many split families we are starting to see the affect from it. But seriously find a good therapist and work out your issues with women... you'll be happier when you do

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  • I just read your text and I am honestly shocked. #1 because what you say about women only having sex with idiots is not true; I'm quite tired of that being said around to point fingers at women and call them stupid. It's not true! Immature girls may go around sleeping with idiots, because they are also idiots. Women (real women) go for the nice, sweet and stable guys. I find it infuriating that we are blamed just to excuse your poor choices of women! Oh. And by the way, I actually fell in love with a guy that is a virgin at 32, and I don't care he is a virgin! He is amazing and I fell for him! #2 all that crap talk about leftovers and wanting a virgin yourself. See, that's the problem! You are the one judging a woman because she already had sex! But you don't want to be judged for being a virgin. Who's the asshole in this situation? Think about it.

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  • It seems, there's more than just the whole issue of "not being able to hook up with a woman". You seem to lack confidence, and maybe that's why some women aren't attracted. Also, hooking up isn't all that cracked up to be. Sex doesn't change you. You're still you. And even if you do lose your virginity, that doesn't guarantee that you'll be hooking up with whoever you want to non-stop. That's not how life works. Like I said, sex isn't all that cracked up to be. 9 out of 10 your first time isn't gonna be great. And the times after that aren't gonna be that great either. Not everyone is great at sex. Even though sex can be pleasurable, there's a lot of risks that comes along with it. Feelings getting attached, unwanted pregnancies, STDs, etc etc. Also, think about what type of girls that get with the it guys. For example, these Instagram models. Nine outta ten they're sucking and fucking all sorts of famous people and they're probably not being safe about it either. Do you really wanna risk for those types of girls? Have you heard about what's going on with Usher? And he isn't the only one who is dealing with sexual issues out there in Hollywood. This world isn't a safe place. Especially with the rise of dating apps (no hate on those who use them). You really need to stop being so obsessed with the idea of sex. Because like I said earlier, sex isn't what it's cracked up to be. Instead of worrying about your virginity, start worrying about more important matters like furthering your education, or pursuing a job. Also, if it's really bothering you, I would advise talking to a therapist about this.

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    • Herpes isn't a big deal at all like 50% of adults over 30 have it genital herpes already

    • @Personontheinternet

      "Also, hooking up isn't all that cracked up to be."

      You're only 16, so you could be forgiven for saying something like that. But think a little further: no sex also means no girlfriend or wife, that's the real issue which is something women don't seem to grasp most of the times this topic comes up.

  • I'm a girl who never even kissed a boy. Not because I never dated, my ex boyfriends have insisted me a lot, but I refused. I wanna save every form of physical intimacy until marriage and because of that I have the right to demand for a guy like that too, and pre-marital sex isn't even common here and nor is any other physical intimacy more than holding hands and kissing one-two times, maybe. So I have plenty of men like that for me in future.

    I thought this take would be something nice about being a virgin and how great it is to save it for marriage, but I got this... utterly disappointed.

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  • Being a virgin is the LEAST of your problems.

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    • You're a woman, what do you know? You can never identify with this problem.

    • I may be a woman, but I also study psychology. Issues on display here are narcissism caused by early childhood trauma coupled by hidden revenge fantasies. This young man's mindset of outsourcing all the causes for his issues to everyone but himself will keep him in this sinking spiral until he lands either in a grave, or jail.
      Women are objects to him, things he deserves and is not getting, he is entitled and entitlement is always the root source of hatred for other people. I am not blaming him for what brought him here, I know many alike and I know it takes a sociopath parent to create a narcissistic, or a narcissist child.
      He must have suffered in ways he doesn't even understand yet because to this day, he never knew "normal" to compare. It is a sad tale written a million times over and if the damage his parents made is permanent, if he never decides to be responsible for his life and improve his flaws, he will not be able to step out of the sinking hole he was placed into.

    • Agree, but I criticize you on using "he" instead of "he/she".

  • Take two of these
    i.dailymail.co.uk/.../...e_-a-34_1436546236877.jpg

    Buy one of these
    www.shockingtimes.co.uk/.../sex-doll.jpg

    And congratulate yourself. You're not perfect like 99% of all other people.

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  • So, you wrote this mytake to whine about the fact that you're actually NOT entitled to sex and that women are under no obligation to give it to you... yeah, that's totally attractive! 😒

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    • My issue is not with the fact that I am not entitled to sex as much as it is with the fact that the average male is completely sexually worthless in modern society. We enable players and assholes while giving the shit end of the stick to men like me who are actually productive and keep society running. Why should we be expected to support a system that is built upon keeping us at the very bottom? More than that, why should I respect women for making such stupid choices and treating me like an insurance policy?

    • You act like

      1. ALL women love douchebags when we don't.

      2. That just because you're a "nice guy", you're entitled to our affections, sex, or both.

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What Guys Said 59

  • Let me start by saying that it took a lot of courage to post with such honesty about yourself. Most of the people trashing you here are clueless about their own problems and are unsettled by this type of self-reflection. So you're actually ahead of the game in a way.

    The issue you have is that you're letting virginity grow into a monster in your head. It's not a defining trait, really. My great-uncle died in Korea as a Medal of Honor winner when he was 20. He was a pious man who died a virgin. Was he less of a man for that? Hell no, so don't let yourself fall into that silly line of thinking.

    That said, you're entirely correct when you note that most women are disingenuous and hypocritical about sex. You must understand, though, that most women are deathly afraid of being labeled in any way because women are highly influenced by groupthink, much more so than even men. So they will say and do *anything* to hide their filthier feelings about sex. So just know that going in.

    I hope you find some peace about this. Try not to blame women for this. They have their own problems, so don't be too quick to blame. You just need to get that first pussy and you'll be a lot better. It's a monkey you need to get off your back.

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    • that's true, why most Feminism wants men go date with men it's crazy gays!

  • You should get over that bitterness as soon as possible. It poisons the mind and soul. You can't lump all women into the same category. I could do the same for you. You sound like you are about to start being a controlling, violent deviant to women soon. Is this accurate of me to say about you? Hell no (I hope). So it isn't fair to do it to anyone really.

    You have to start loving yourself more. The type of person you are. Look inwardly at what your good qualities are. Then try to actually hang out with more women who are actually good people. Trust me, they are out there and they are abundant. But you probably have to go outside your comfort zone or go to areas or talk to women you're not used to talking to. I don't fully understand women, probably never will, but it took me a long time to understand that women are very similar in a lot of ways to how men are, they just have a different way of viewing life since they have lady parts and temperaments and biology. Also, experiences, positive, will improve your attitude. I hung out with actual girls as friends (nothing more), which eventually led me to see how they are outside of the night clubs or dating scene and in basic, natural settings. They are very vulnerable, more so than you realize. They just know how to protect that part of themselves very well and do so at all costs the majority of them. Just because they can be hurt easily, being so emotional and introspective.

    When you find how wonderful women can be, your whole outlook on life and love will change. You may even start to understand maybe how your mom was, or at least, not blame other women for your mother's mistakes with you. Anyhow, not trying to be your father figure or judgmental, just trying to be someone objective who sees things from the outside.

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  • Okay. I'm going to lead with:
    where do you say WHY you are a virgin?

    Religious reasons, body image issues, shyness, a desire for a deep relationship that got shattered by everyone seeming to not care about sex that way, etc.
    What started it?
    Because right now, it's your anger that's separating you.

    I'm sure part of it is, that now that you may have worked on yourself, and are now someone that women might want, you hate that women want you now because it seems to reinforce the idea that you were worthless before.
    But the women you meet now, are not the same ones that denied you earlier.
    ****
    Okay, here's the thing guys. Why do virgins seem like they get angry?
    Well, imagine if you were always thought that there was someone special that was going to love you for you.
    Then, being told that you were never going to meet that person.
    It's like that person had died.
    What virgins go through, is like the stages of grief. Grief for what they will never have.

    1. Denial and Isolation: Becoming anti-social and not developing bonds with people and becoming less open. Thinking that there is nothing wrong with themselves, and they just need to find that special someone.
    2. Anger: Realizing that life isn't a romantic comedy and believing it's unfair. Why should THEY have to change. The world is ugly, the romantic idea is beautiful.
    3. Bargaining: Okay, maybe I will try to improve. But I still want to hold onto my idea that someone will love me for me. Maybe I just have to develop myself to be worthy of what I want?
    4. Depression: Nothing is working. I'm either not able to change myself because the issue is too deep rooted to change. (An actual physical issue or mental one that requires outside help.) Or it requires me to become something I'm not.
    5. Acceptance: I change myself into something else, which may or may not be healthy (become a heartless player, for instance) or I succeed in becoming better.

    Some may stick in one of the stages or even bypass stages, just like real grief.

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    • True
      *****
      This is a very good explanation. Thank you for providing such clear insight. This helps me dig even deeper in my own issues.

    • Show All
    • "These are issues that people know you already have, so why not ask for help fixing them?" If this refers to professionals: Because opening up to a stranger about your deepest rooting issues makes you more voulnerable than anything to whom you fear the most, society. Admitting to need help, is an emotionally difficult venture already. Going into therapy sounds like letting yourself officially and publicly be labeled sick in the head. People have all kinds of severe prejudice against that label and geting discriminated over this would make matters even worse. It feels like something you'd only do once you hit rockbottom, although it would make more sense to start early.
      If you are refering to friends: If a person with such issues even has friends, it isn't guaranteed they know the solution.

      Having your feet on the ground like you seem to, is already a good start to anything.

    • @Swiss_Tengu Oh, I know all about not wanting to open up to people.

      I'm a Catholic that's also a geek.
      I've participated in prayer groups, and when I mentioned I'm going to play D&D, they told me it was evil.
      While I've had geeks basically tell me I'm nuts for going to church.

      I've learned to compartmentalize the people I know, which doesn't help with me opening us to people.

  • Dude, I'm just going to be bluntly honest with you, you're mentality is garbage.
    First of all, you're lacking confidence, something women love in a man. Saying "Women will never love/want me" is not going to help you to help you break through this. Have a little more confidence/belief in yourself. If don't, women will notice this and it will instantly turn them off.
    2. You say you hate women for constantly being friend zoned/rejected, did you ever think to make an adjustment and try a different approach? If you're constantly getting friend zoned obviously you're doing something wrong. When I was young and inexperienced with girls, I thought becoming a friend with them first and then trying to move on to more was the best to get more. Turns out this only works on a certain type of a girl; the girl who wants to take things extremely slow. Most girls, you have to make it clear that you're interested in them for more than friends.
    3. If you get rejected right away after you do make it clear you like them more than a friend, just move on to the next one. Failure means your that much more likely to succeed the next time IF YOU"RE LEARNING FROM YOUR MISTAKES. Now if you go out with a chick and then she ends up friend zoning/rejecting you, then it means you're being waaaaaayyy too much of a nice guy. This doesn't mean you have to be ass hole, it just means you're being a fucking pushover/kiss ass/lacking confidence in yourself. Try this, jokingly teasing a girl. If she says/does something kind of dumb give her a little shit for it, but do it jokingly/don't be a dick about it. She'll probably laugh smile and say something "Shut up! You jerk" and smack you on the arm. They love that shit cause it lets her know that you're not putting her ass on a pedestal and that you have confidence in yourself and you don't really give a shit if you "fuck up" in her eyes.
    4. You don't got to be asshole to get girls. This is the biggest misconception. It's more about confidence. Assholes have confidence, but good dudes can confidence and not be an asshole. I'm a respectable guy towards women, but I'll be honest, I've f*cked over 20 different girls and I'm in my early 20's. Why? Because I'm not a fucking pushover.
    5. and lastly lower your standards and get your confidence up. Stop shooting for the girls at the top when you're this inexperienced. Doesn't mean you can't go for an attractive girl, just start off with 6-8's instead of 9-10's.
    Really hope you read this cause you need it

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    • BY FAR the best advice I've read so far. "The_Underground_Man", you should pay attention to this guy. I'm telling you, this is fixable. Gotta shelve that anger though.

  • My experience with virgin life was such:

    1. "Everyone else I know can move on with their lives; and I'm stuck pretty much right where I was right after I left high school."

    2. "I have the urge, and all this curiosity, but no good opportunities. Oh well. Maybe, if I'm lucky, someone will give me the time of day."

    3. "Somehow, everyone knows about my inexperience, when I say nothing about it. And they think they can treat me like an absolute pile of dogshit because of it. What gives?"

    4. "Dammit, woman! I only said I was inviting you to see the fireworks! That in no way implies that I want to get in your pants! No, even if I did want it, that doesn't mean I'm going to try! It was a simple offer to do a nice thing, and YOU blew it out of proportion! You want to engage in projection, go work for Fujifilm!"

    5. "I don't remember asking you a g-d- thing about her, Melvin! And you're wrong to boot!"

    6. "No, officer, I only asked her if she'd seen this one friend of mine around. Whatever else she's talking about, I have no idea. She's delusional. Like I'd want *her* in that way! Please!"

    7. "Fine, friendzone me! See if I care! Just act like you give a damn for once, and stop lying about what I am to you, just to virtue-signal to your parents! You clearly don't mean it, and you don't fool me! I am not a prop for you to flaunt your self-righteous hypocrisy with!"

    Post-virginity, and some failed pursuits later, and I get treated by superiors with more respect. I also run into:

    1. "All the good ones are in China or the Philippines, and I'm broke!"

    2. "That one's a ho, that one's shady as hell, that one is... just plain no... that other one might be worth giving the time of day to. Must be cautious. She might be waiting to plunge a dagger in, and is just better at hiding what a psycho she is."

    3. "You again, Mel? I haven't said a word to any of them, so bugger off and get your nose out of my business! I wouldn't want those hags over there anyway!"

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    • Comical, but relatable.
      I believe that loosing ones virginity also is an important step on the way to emotional maturity.

    • @Swiss_Tengu : It only alleviates the pain of obsessive curiosity, but creates new problems. Though, it does make one's objections more credible. If attacked by cynics, I can use "I have standards" to savage them. Before, I had to give them a sermon preaching against cynicism, and that requires a lot more energy. And only works on them assuming they're intelligent enough to grasp what I'm talking about. Incorrigible idiots and self righteous know it alls, however, are immune to such sermons. Then there's Busybody Mel. Who encourages women to cry wolf, and sees a menace in me, and in every other man, but never in himself. Never be a Mel.

    • After a decade with the same things spinning in your head, getting a different set of problems sounds like salvation enough.
      I love your witty irony by the way. Totally forgot there is a possible sympathic approach to cynism aswell.
      And I agree, Mels are the worst.

  • Everyone starts by being a virgin.
    Don't worry: nobody dies a virgin. Life fucks everyone.

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  • I almost did not comment, but I have very little to no nice things to say about you strictly from this post. All I am about to say is coming from a fellow male virgin (myself and by choice)

    Are there terrible women? Yes, but plenty of amazing, wonderful ones too.

    You being a virgin is your issue, it is not the fault of anyone else. Women are not obligated to have sex with you (when married both partners are obligated to have sex with each other, but not before then). I am a virgin because it is my choice and I am focusing on school a bit before I get into a serious relationship, yes there are many women who rejected me, but they are not the right ones for me, someday I will find that special woman and I will treat her with loads of love and respect. When I get rejected, I do not get hostile, I simply thank them for their time, and go do something else.

    Your mother is a terrible mother and failed you as a mother, but instead of wallowing in your pain and hate, learn from the mistakes that she made and be a better person and parent than she was. (take this from someone who had an abusive father growing up)

    Hate is a very powerful and dangerous word, especially when it is used in a generalizing manner like you are. You hating all women for the actions of a few is no different nor better than women hating men for the actions of a few, and both scenarios are wrong to the utmost.

    I honestly would tell you options, but you have so much hate and anger within you, that I am not going to give you any because I would feel sorry for any woman who hooked up with you in your current state. Clean yourself up before you even consider going into a relationship, I am serious.

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  • I kept reading past "I hate women", but you totally lost me at "Jewish leftist media"; you're not getting any because you're a horrible, bigoted person and people can tell. Nobody owes you love or sex.

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    • Yeah... I don't know how a guy can write an entire myTake about hating women and still be confused about why he's a virgin.

  • Ignore the girls in this post. They are cancer, some of the guy's too.
    You made a major step in identifying your story in this post. The first part in creating a better future for yourself is to acknowledge the past for what it is, determine where you want to go and move forward. I can't fully understand where you are coming from since I have had a completely different life than you, none the less I can understand what you are going through, that there are a lot of conflicting thoughts regarding this.
    Since you have taken the initiative and already conqued step one. Now move onto step two, step two is to begin to shift habits. It can be something as simple as making your bed in the morning, brushing your teeth 3 times a day instead of 2 or simply taking the initiative to talk to a complete stranger.
    If you ever feel overwhelmed your most powerful ally is to take a step back and view yourself from a third person perspective. That perspective will often help guide you out of bad situations. Practice doing that, read books, analyse your behavior and understand that you were given a burdon far different than anyone else. The truly strong people are the one's who conquer their inner inhibitions, and use them as fuel. Already you are a step in the right direction with this take. Way to go!

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  • There was a guy on GaG a year ago that did all these Takes about how cruel women were and he would go on about how men were entitled to have sex. He'd do a Take about how he was going to a prostitute, then he'd do another Take about how prostitution was so evil. He had this thing about the Orthodox Church, and also went on about how his mother let him down. You're not that same guy, are you?

    The issue you're having isn't women, it's YOU. Be positive, do things that expand your life, things that give you a feeling of accomplishment and self-confidence. Women just kind of float into and out of the picture along the way. Just be friendly and talk to them. If they're not interested, just keep working on your activities until the next one comes along. Don't be desperate.

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    • You must be talking about this JRichards dude. I remember him too.
      What is up with these wannabes Elliot Rodger's, that are gaining in numbers so slowly but steady lately?

    • @Unit1 - Yeah, I forgot. JRichards was that guy.

  • Mods and admins: Please rename this article to "My story how I turned into a bitter misogynist virgin". Thank you very kindly!

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    • But for real how can you make all women responsible based on the bad experiences you had with a few including your mother? I was kind of in the same situation as you but you seem to be unable to acknowledge the good things, that women did for you.

      But it seems, that your decision is final and you're not looking for a change.
      I can only redirect you to MGTOW if that's what you're looking for.
      You won't be able to lose your virginity with your current mindset (but neither have I to be honest) but you could always pay a gold digger or prostitute to lose your virginity.

      Good luck!

    • Good set of questions. They lure out the real issues.

    • I know Gays aren't misogynist at all womens, Disgusting lgbt on My Little Pony Friendship.

  • Elliot Rodger is that really you? So you have reincarnated, how nice for you. The heavens blessed you again with a everlasting virginity, lucky one.

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  • Anyone who reads this knows women are not the ones with the problem.

    "without seeing those Victoria's Secret angels' images blown up on screen. Then knowing that you will never be able to sleep with any of them."
    Models do not look the same in person without their professional makeup and photoshop as they do in the media. I know, I have dated several models and a couple of actresses. They are pretty, but not incredible like you think they are when they wake up in the morning. Most people wouldn't even recognize a famous person they have only seen with professional make up when she is without it.

    " It is observing their mating habits and knowing that they will never sleep with guys like us. That they only want the players and assholes."
    Yes, the great women will never sleep with losers. No, they do not only want players or aholes. They want confidence, success, ambition, and power (money).

    Lucky for you, there are plenty of women who do not have high standards and who would have sex with you. Just look on Craigslist or Backpage and ask them how much.

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  • Brother, get it together. You need to let go of that anger. And you need to figure out how to find intimacy, not sex.

    You keep grouping all women. Stop doing that. Resist the urge that comes from being an American. We are in a weird stupid backwards culture sometimes. We think it makes sense to group people by race, sex, religion, etc.

    Just stop with that silliness. Stop dating women who friendzone you. And start dating women who are good heart, nice, and kind.

    You have to know that in American society, you won't find many who will have pity on you. At GaG, it is much, much worse. People tend to step on and kick those who are down or depressed.

    So understand that and find ways to interact and interface with people who suffer from similar issues. Use supportgroups, facebook, meetup. com, etc. Those are great online tools to talk with people who are dealing with the same things as you.

    You can fix this man.

    Just be smart, create a plan, and execute.

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  • Ok, let's just be clear here. Getting sex will get the monkey off your back sure, but ultimately it won't make you feel much better after a while if you still struggle at attracting women and are still lonely. I lost my virginity a couple of months ago... to a really obese girl. Met her online, she was pretty cool. So I figured I'd meet for a drink and that led to me going back to hers and having sex 3 times that night which I certainly didn't want at first. Admittedly, I had to be a bit of an arsehole to get her attracted to me. Though I didn't do it on purpose. I was being honest when I said I liked her personality but found her too large for me. Well whatever I did the deed and now I try move on and find someone I actually like more. She digged it because I was HONEST and didn't care about what she'd think of me for my opinion. Key here is BE YOURSELF AND WOMEN WILL BE ATTRACTED TO YOU.

    But, YOU have to go out and find the women. They won't come to you. It sucks, but that's life as a man. Focus on taking ACTION!

    I think the issue here is you feel crap for not having options. I feel the same, even after losing my virginity. Honestly, it has barely changed a thing for me except that I don't have to hide being a virgin anymore. You need to practice meeting women to get the confidence and skills to attract them. I did a dating course a year ago which has helped. But ultimately you still have to go out there and find women who are a match to you. You can't force someone to like you and have sex with you.

    You were right to reject the friend zone, minus making her feel like shit. Accepting the friend-zone hurts you more seeing the girl regularly that you can't get to know intimately so right move there on your part to let her go so you can find someone that likes you.

    Just know that there is much outside of your control like a women's decision whether or not she is attracted to you. So focus on what you can control...

    For example:
    1. You can go out at weekends and meet girls at bars, clubs etc gaining confidence and having fun interacting with women
    2. You can approach in the day
    3. You can ask for phone numbers and if they say yes...
    4. You can ask them on dates
    5. If dates go well you can escalate physically, flirting, touching, kissing etc
    6. After a while invite them to your place and if things go well you can TRY progress to sex. They can still reject this if they aren't ready but you made a DECISION to take action and for that you can be happy.

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  • Ok, let me touch on this subject. I am a 31-year-old guy who is also a virgin, now I am not trying to gloat but yes I had my opportunities but before I knew it, I wasted my chance and those girls went on to date other guys. Am I kicking myself about it today? No. Because a man's worth is not defined by how much sex he has with women, it's about how he is as a person (e. x: being noble, being generous, being faithful to God).

    It seems to me that you seem very disconnected with God and if you reply to my message, I wouldn't be surprised if you said, "I don't believe in God". Girls/women don't owe guys anything when it comes to dating unless he forgot his wallet, watch or something he cares dearly for at her house but that's about it. It goes both ways, right? If you believe inequality that a man has a right to freedom of speech, doesn't a woman? As long as it's done the right way. Example: I don't believe what ISIS does or what Alt-Right maniacs or sickos is considered "free speech" that's just warped thinking.

    Let me tell you something, I liked this 1 girl very deeply and she liked me and I liked her, we argued a lot for almost 10 years (on/off) Until last summer she said listen please don't contact me anymore and I sent her an email I am not going to explain the whole thing but I was civil, I wished her the best and hope she found true happiness with the next person who comes into her life.

    Are humans perfect no? We make mistakes and God understands that. We may lash out at our parents or be angry at our teacher for giving a certain grade but we have to learn from our mistakes. If you hold this hatred inside of you, I'm sorry but that is a very dangerous situation you are harboring.

    I am not going to say the typical, "go see a shrink dude, you're fk'd up" type comment. I understand you have had a troubled past, especially with your mom. What your mother doesn't seem fit to be called a mother, so at the end of the day, worry about yourself, save money, enjoy life, travel, play sports, meet new people, find a job you love or are passionate about, go back to school? These are suggestions I can think of.

    Maybe your mom will come around and realize her mistakes, I hope she does, but if she does not, God will judge her on those actions as a parent. God tests us and challenges us, please take my advice, be a better person and the right girl will come along. Worse case scenario if not, be grateful for health/financial stability which God can bless you with.

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    • I have learned from my mistakes to be a better guy and I think there is a reason why I am single. Am I perfect, absolutely not, but I am learning each day. Obviously, no guy or man enjoys being scorned by a woman. If a girl or woman is that much of a bitch to hurt a guy purposely psychologically or just verbally then that's not right either, but why would you want to be with a girl like that?

      We all have our flaws in life, but go to google and type in, before and after pictures of Syria from 2007 and now present and you will see how Syria is literally a war zone, those are real-life issues. Our world may be on the brink of WW3, that is a worldwide issue. Please understand that there are so many issues in life and others may not have it as good as you.

      Just focus on yourself, get stronger, mentally/physically, get closer to God, go to church, help others and you will be rewarded one day.

  • What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be... you can't heal your wounds if you keep touching them. Good luck.

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  • I can relate to your frustration, and very well understand how hostility and cynism are the last resort to cope with such things. I don't blame you for that.
    I don't think you hate women per se, but rather their role in your life, rooting in their role and your own role in our society, rooting in everything that's wrong with society itself.
    And I also believe it isn't sex you long for the most, but affection, closeness, positive evaluation etz. Of all the deficient sociological needs, sexual desire and selfesteem are only the most present and most graspable ones, as they are the most consciously promoted in society.
    In essence, it is society who causes you to be miserable with your sexual nature.

    You might want to read my comment on this post, that provides better explanation of the cause:
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a48553-being-a-virgin-isn-t-a-bad-thing

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  • I get it. I was once the nice guy virgin who wad constantly friend-zoned, rejected and sometimes ridiculed by women, and I totally understand where you're coming from. It's completely pointless trying to explain it to people who've never experienced it, especially women.

    I eventually managed to sort myself out though and got pretty good with women. If you want any advice on how to do that PM me.

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  • Dude, just being able to admit it is the most difficult part of the battle.

    Work on the bitterness and resentment first, understand and accept them and where they've originated from. Now, this is the hard part, accept the fact that you're responsible for them still being in your life. Realize that you have the power to decide how you feel and let go of them.

    Focus on self-love and you'll attract love back to yourself.

    I know that what I'vr said isn't easy, but it'll help you more than you can know if you can pull it off, I promise you that.

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