Not Losing Your Virginity Isn't Worth Losing Your Mind Over

Thanks to @Unit1 I learned about Elliot Rodger – which to many of Americans was a familiar story but not to me. I did know about Ben Moynihan a couple of years ago, and got Elliot mixed up with him.

For both individuals, feel free to read about Elliot Rodger and Ben Moynihan in these respective news stories.

Yes - those two are extreme cases that involved mental illness. But what about the many guys who are still very frustrated about not yet having experienced sex? Men and boys feel still frustration (that stays somewhat controlled) by not being able to get a girlfriend, lose their virginity, or maintain a sex life to the point of feeling so angry.

This is my (woman’s) point-of-view (to guys) on why you should just take it easy and not allow this to have so much control in your life.

Not Losing Your Virginity Isn't Worth Losing Your Mind Over

Although sex is enjoyable, it's no reason to forget who you really are. During the years of being a virgin, as each year goes by allow yourself some happiness in other areas of your life. Your genitals don’t need to run things. In fact, what might just end up getting you sex is the fact you had other things going on to make you interesting – rather than just your plea to have sex.

Desperation is noticeable. Usually people who make their virginity a big deal don’t even know that their attitude about it can be sensed. Signals that you put out subconsciously can either be physically seen, heard in your voice, or even bio-chemically sniffed out. Women pick up things very easily, and if you are hunting for it, how you behave can connect the dots. Women like confidence. Do you ever notice that a guy who seems like he isn’t interested seems to attract the most women? Women like to think that they will be the one to tear down that wall - hence giving guys the impression that we like 'the bad guy'. That's not necessarily true. We like playing sexual puzzle games to find out if we can be the one to solve the Mysterious Guy Puzzle.

Venting by means of violence is useless. Elliot threw a vanilla latte on a random female once. Not for rejecting him, but just because he was angry that she was there, pretty, and he thought she probably would reject him. I wondered: who's to say she wouldn't have been the one girl who actually said yes had he been normal to her? To just be mad at all women in general and show it makes sure you’re in no way attractive to any woman. So sit in your hamster wheel and spin, because you’ll prove yourself right for as long as you continue with that bad attitude.

Attractiveness does not entitle you to sex. Neither does status, your self-proclaimed wonderful personality, what you drive, and how intelligent you are. This comes from Elliot Rodger’s reasons of why he felt so wronged. As a woman, I have heard these very excuses of why I was awful to reject a guy based on what he had to offer. Most of us are familiar with the film “Gladiator” and can remember Commodus telling Marcus Aurelius (before murdering him):

“You wrote to me once, listing the four chief virtues: wisdom, justice, fortitude and temperance. As I read the list I knew I had none of them. But I have other virtues, father…”

(Creepy and out-of-line, for insisting his virtues should be more important than what someone else thinks.)

When it comes to women, your own justifications of why you should get a girl do not count for anything when we all have different preferences in someone’s looks, personality, character traits and eventually learning what their ambition is in life so that a woman can find out if they are on par with her own plans. If you believe you're cute and successful and that should be enough, just know that a lot of women will find other things more important that you might not have to offer. If you have blue eyes and she loves brown eyes, or if she loves a sense of humour and you take things to heart. You can't be Everywoman's Man.

Elliot Rodger was cute. In my opinion – quite cute! He was also sensitive, loved to connect with nature, and seemed educated and on his way to a good future. And so much for women only wanting money – he was also the son of the famous film director Peter Rodger and was financially privileged. The problem was he was unhappy and it oozed from every word he said, and I also noticed it in pictures the press showed of him in family photos. He was jealous and hateful. Women detect these things and some inner security alarm goes off inside them that says, “Watch out – this guy is like this without you even being in my life yet. Who’s to say how badly he’ll snap at me even if it’s over a misunderstanding?”

Talk about your feelings with someone you trust. Elliot Rodger’s crime started a bevy of online opinions, especially from other people who said, “I wish I could have just talked to Elliot. Could have saved some lives.” “If Elliot only knew this, that, and the other could have scored him some chicks – if I was his old roommate, I could have helped him get a girlfriend.” This tells me that the support to talk about things is there – you just have to find the right people who are sensitive enough to relate to, who are on your side. Forget the mean-spirited guy who bullies you about it, or the girls who seem stuck-up who rejected you. Select the right people to get good information from to help you, instead of keeping you feeling justified for being angry about it.

Being a virgin is not who you are. There's much more to life and relationships with people that have nothing to do with sex. Don't let "being a virgin" define who you are as a person.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Very good mytake. As a virgin myself I approve!
    I knew, that women are magical and can sense things from us like attitude.
    Although some things are beyond my control like my tired voice, that is struck in eternal past and current pain, those may provide a misleading vibe.

    Elliot Rodger was bothered by the fact, that he was a virgin but he decided to die as one - as my friend @MarkRet has always recommended me he could have just hired an overpriced escort to rent her body parts for him and he'd be over with it.
    Which unlike this idea I do not support renting women's body parts as it only funds this market and I would take a hit on my already poor finances for 10 seconds of euphoria. I can get those 10 seconds of euphoria from porn... if I don't have girlfriend (which must be a better experience).

    I'm a virgin. And if anyone has a problem with it then it's not my problem. I have personally known someone, who had a problem with my virginity. I was laughing on the inside how this someone had an issue with *MY* virginity 😂😂😂

    Last but not least: I don't care about virginity. I don't believe it's a real thing. It's merely used to describe a person, who never had sexual intercourse and never had sexual experience (excluding masturbation).
    But since I have masturbated over 10.000 times in my life (yes, i have counted) I do question myself if I am still a virgin 😛

    I would definitely love to have sex with a woman, there's no denying in that. But I honestly don't really know to 100% how or why I am still a virgin - I mean is it really that surprising? I think it's kind of normal.

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    • "I'm a virgin. And if anyone has a problem with it then it's not my problem." Someone has to make a meme of this! :D

      Hello Unit, and thanks for stopping by! I read many comments about Elliot from YouTube trolls and well-meaning folk, and I find that a lot of them notice that Elliot was so bitter, than even if he *did* have sex, he would have then complained about not having a regular girlfriend. If he had a girlfriend, he would have complained about the worth of the relationship, and the inability to find someone more suitable. He would have complained that his internet wasn't working up on that mountain he was broadcasting from... on it goes. Nothing in Elliot's life was going to be good enough, when it seemed he had all the things that most men say would make them happy already (looks, car, clothes, etc.)

      I think it's the same thing over and over - attitude would have fixed this. If it didn't get the girl, at least it might have calmed him down a little.

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    • Oh definitely no lol!! Elliot Rodger was an idiot and a fool. I'm way too witty for that.

    • Thank yew auntie ozanne :3 ☺

      Can I have some... hugs please?
      http://i.imgur.com/CX4J1cu.png

Most Helpful Girl

  • Couldn't agree more. I see so many men commenting online like the fact that they haven't lost their virginity is some major social injustice and that it's WRONG that women don't want to have sex with them. No, nobody is obligated to want you. The only social injustice is that men's virginity is still stigmatized.

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What Guys Said 41

  • While the issue isn't that big a deal to me, I could understand how virgin guys might feel bad, and I probably could've written this better as a guy myself.

    You have women out there who don't even want virgin men and feel like they're pathetic, so guys like that are constantly feeling like they need work experience to attain sex - "how can I ever gain experience if no one will give me a chance?" And a lot of women do figure as a man that you should've already had sex by now.

    And when everyone else has done it and knows it feels good and you haven't, that can be a tough thing to deal with.

    Having said all this, it now prompts me to think about writing my own Take on this.

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  • When guys (and girls too, probably) can't get a relationship, they split into two categories, usually.

    The first believes that it's the world's fault for not recognizing how great they are. They don't change themselves, because they don't think there is anything wrong with themselves, and get angry.

    The second group believe that they are the problem. They look at something that is wrong with them, and try to fix it.
    If they can't fix it, then they may become the first group, because they don't feel it's their fault they can't change, and it's society's fault for having crappy priorities.
    Or they spiral into feeling worthless.

    Seems that both of those guys were the first category.
    This ego, can be in non-virgin's also, and those people are the abusive guys.
    This is also why sometimes a guy may seem shy and introverted, and then you try to help them, and they seem to flip and become a jerk. The truth is, they always were a jerk, they were just hiding it.

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    • "The first believes that it's the world's fault for not recognizing how great they are. They don't change themselves, because they don't think there is anything wrong with themselves, and get angry.

      The second group believe that they are the problem. They look at something that is wrong with them, and try to fix it."

      Pretty good analogy. This is very true.

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    • Very much agree about splitting into two categories.

      "If they can't fix it"
      See my opinion above. What if they can't fix it?

    • @Bluemax My point was to address the issue of people thinking that because they feel they have been rejected, that that means they can resort to violence as some sort of retribution.

      The drive for violence comes from their ego, not their rejection. It was always there. If it had not been rejection by girls, then it would have been anger over their jobs and not being rich, or anger over not being recognized for their efforts.

      This article seemed to think it has to address virginity because of these two people's actions. But they are not really related. Their anger would have always been there.

      The virginity issue is separate and should be addressed as such.

      I don't know if people who aren't virgins, or at least were for a long time can really know what it's like.

      It's not the lack of sex that's the issue. It's the lack of intimacy.
      You can't just ignore that.

      No, virgin doesn't define who we are, but alone does.

  • That's awfully easy if you don't have a sex drive (i. e, an ACTUAL sex drive, as opposed to a shadow of one), and can have sex and intimacy with whoever you want whenever you want. Most of the guys who reach that stage of impotent rage (which is called "impotent rage" for a reason, BTW) can't even so much as get physical human contact from anyone else besides themselves. What do you know?
    "Venting by means of violence is useless"- What other means are we supposed to vent by then? Violence and aggression are the only forms of emotion which men are allowed to show openly- anything else only makes us even more pathetic in your eyes.
    "Attractiveness does not entitle you to sex. Neither does status, your self-proclaimed wonderful personality, what you drive, and how intelligent you are." WE GET IT- NOTHING entitles us to sex, we don't deserve sex, and in your eyes, as women, all virgin guys deserve to die as virgins solely because we're virgins. NOTHING is good enough for you, and YOU, as girls, are the ONLY ONES who matter, who get to choose. And that's soooo fair, isn't it?
    "Talk about your feelings with someone you trust"- like who? Well?
    There IS no-one we can trust. Forget the mean-spirited guys who bully us about it, the girls who seem stuck-up and who reject us for being virgins, and all of the guys and girls alike who toss out useless "advice" to "be a different person, cause no-one'll ever love you for who you are", along with those who put on their fake smiles and fake voices to drone on about "oh, you're so special, don't worry, you just need to sit back and wait, it'll happen for you someday, you just need to BELIEVE and HAVE FAITH"- and who's left over? Nobody. "Select the right people to get good information from to help you"- and who are they? Bloody hypocrites, one and all.
    "Being a virgin is not who you are." If you're a guy, and you WANT to have a life and have relationships with girls, then YES IT IS. If ANY girl EVER knows that you're a virgin, then A VIRGIN is ALL that you'll ever be in that girl's eyes, and no matter what else you are or what else who accomplish, you can NEVER be a man in her eyes.
    That's the way things are. I wouldn't expect a non-virgin girl to understand our pain any more than we understand the pain of giving birth. But then again, I'd never write a MyTake entitled "How Giving Birth Isn't Worth Losing Your Mind Over". You did do the equivalent of that.

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    • You said: "Violence and aggression are the only forms of emotion which men are allowed to show openly- anything else only makes us even more pathetic in your eyes."

      Violence is NEVER okay, and is never a reasonable solution to someone's frustration. PERIOD. No man is "allowed" to openly show violence, and I think it's unnerving and a bit disappointing that *you* - who I've noticed can point out better reasoning via scientific explanations (of the brain) thinks that this is okay. IT. IS. NOT. OKAY.

      I didn't even read the rest of your wall of text after this point because you have just officially lost me after co-signing other's men's violence by thinking this is acceptable.

  • Honestly, as someone who really finds it hard to find a date, I disagree with this whole "try other activities other than...". I do other activities. I love staying in company of my friends. I love taking care about my plants. I love sharing thoughts with clients in my store.
    But by the end of the day, I still don't have a girlfriend, which is something that I want in my life. There is no replacement for that, I'm sorry.

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    • I can understand that, but we all want something that we either can't have or can't-have-right-now. I'd like something in my life too, something private/personal in particular, yearning for badly - but it doesn't rule my life. It would make me miserable if I continued to want something I know I can't have right now. I guess we just have not give up, things will eventually get better, but until then I wouldn't let the things we yearn for run our lives or make us angry for being without it.

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    • @Bluemax It's my parents' small shop. We sell groceries, delicatessens, bread and things for the house.

    • @Bluemax That's an oddly specific question, by the way :D

  • It's not necessarily the sex itself. It's the perceived lack of societal value you have. This isn't something that most women go through. Hell, they have the opposite issue. They start 'lacking value' BECAUSE they are having sex. Women can lie though and no real harm is done. Men can't really get away with that. Their inexperience is eventually going to shine through.

    Men can seemingly have an otherwise very ordinary and functional life and have a very open and warm demeanor and still ultimately look in the mirror everyday and realize that they simply aren't going to meet the requirements for attracting women. In one of the most important aspects of life, they are going to look at themselves as a failure and it just gets worse and worse with each tick of the clock and each flip of the calendar.

    You are basically telling men to hone in on their potential acting skills. Once a man convinces himself he truly doesn't care about his stance with the opposite sex, that's when they start falling down the rabbit hole of toxic ideologies like MGTOW.

    Of course women like confidence. Confidence is grown and cultivated through the basic knowledge that a man has certain traits that attract women and will be able to see and identify specific examples where they clearly have a modicum of success from which to play off.

    When a dude has gotten nowhere at all romantically, particularly when reaching an age where it's not socially acceptable to have no legitimate romantic or sexual experience at all, that confidence isn't going to suddenly generate.

    An attractive man that acts aloof is still attractive. An undesirable that 'acts like he doesn't care' around women only garners relief from them.

    "Attractiveness does not entitle you to sex."

    No one reasonable will really make that argument. However, attractiveness is still the number one prerequisite to developing a relationship with a woman. It's certainly the biggest factor when young.

    Elliot Rodger is a very small sample size and doesn't really negate the idea that women ultimately crave financial stability from a man. The fact that even all that he had wasn't enough is only going to further deter these late in life virgins from really even trying.

    I mean sure you can attempt to convince everyone that women will stay away from toxicity but we all know that isn't true. This very site will have hundreds of posts about how awful all men are and why a girl's boyfriend is such a jerk, etc. A lack of clairvoyance then.

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    • There is also the reality that men that can't get sex simply do not function very well in society. Look at the men that straight up are not allowed to interact sexually with women. Catholic priests end up molesting little boys and men in jail rape other men.

      I lost my virginity when I was 20 and even that late was annoying to deal with. It's easy to detect the dispirited look in a girl's eyes when she finds out you are a virgin outside of your teenage years. That second guessing in her eyes about whether or not you are worth the effort at that point.

      I've heard the disdain in two different girls' voice one time when they were discussing a male coworker who was a virgin in his early twenties and it's the type of thing that sticks with you and leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

      Being a guy and a virgin later in life is a major defining trait and a beacon of failure in the eyes of society. This is simply something you really aren't going to grasp unless you are in those shoes.

  • I don't think it's being a virgin that's the real issue. Older male virgins lack intimacy and never feel desired. It's not about the sex, it's about the intimacy: religious men who have a girlfriend but are waiting for marriage to have sex, or asexual men with girlfrieds, still experience intimacy and are a lot happier than virgin single men.

    It's very important for these men not to construct their identities around being virgins because you're right: it only makes them think about it more and their desperation does become noticeable to others, including women who might otherwise be interested. Then you get a vicious cycle and a new "incel" is born.

    But on the other hand intimacy is a very primal need for humans, this is readily visible in prisons (especially solitary detention) and it's not something people can just stop worrying about.

    The sad truth is that historically some men have always been denied intimacy (like galley slaves, monks, etc... but mostly just the least desired men, usually poor shepherds or day laborers and the like), that some men "solved" that problem through violence (stealing women on raids, bribing fathers, etc...), but these things don't mesh with our modern ideals, even though we haven't solved the underlying causes. Another saud truth is that children (both boys and girls) have been given unrealistic expectations for their future partners: yes, often an "incel" man can vastly increase his chances by developing social skills, but also often he really has to lower his standards, but that's a difficult thing to say in our society where we teach everyone to aim for the stars and that hard work can get you anything.

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  • Nice try. Listening to a woman give advice to men on being a man, is like listening to a rookie at their first kung-fu class giving advice to a Si-Fu on improving their form.

    If you were starving to death, and I told you to focus on other activities and dont act desperate, what would you say?

    And Elliot is hardly the way to disprove repeatedly-proven scientific fact that women dont have sex with poor men. Though I do appreciate you bringing up such a prescient and hauntingly relevant example.

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  • Yeah, it's pretty disgusting when someone resorts to violence for just about any reason, especially one as trivial and stupid as not being able to get laid.

    First off, stop bringing up anecdotes from serial killers lives as if they're indicative of all over-age virgins. Don't say you didn't, because it might not have been explicitly stated, but it's heavily implied that these are (in your mind) the end-game of all of us pathetic virginal losers.

    And don't tell me, that for me as an individual it's not a big deal. My last two prospective relationships didn't work out, because I felt I should inform the women I was a virgin before we had sex (which I'll continue to do, I'm honest). Neither could handle that. One was nice about it, one wasn't.

    And it's not even that I'm a virgin. It's that I'm alone, I'm fucking lonely, and don't tell me that's not a big deal. At this point, I don't know if I'll ever find anyone. And here I see you posting all these slogans and "chin up" bull-shit, when you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about and it's a little hard to take. If I were to have died anytime since I was 18, no one would know about it for months. I've never held anyone, I don't have anyone to confide in and feel vulnerable around, I don't even know how to be in a relationship.

    And I'm just sick that you're comparing me to serial killers and trying to placate me, as if I'm some violent psychopath because I couldn't get laid (But you can't get laid, you must be a lunatic! What other explanation could there be?)

    You may have been alone, but you haven't been alone your whole life. Bad take. Very bad. Actually, fuck you very much.

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    • And I think you forgot to mention how she's implying that only men are victimized by lack of sexual affection. Can you not see that? lol. Now I know how desperate women are LOL!!

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    • and it's not really "victimized" either. It's just circumstantial.

    • Just looking around to assign the Most Helpful Opinion... and ran in to this angry heap of low self esteem brought on by himself who only proved how some people let sexual frustration rule their lives. With your help, the Take message remains a necessary one.

  • Hi Ozanne. It's been quite some time.

    You know, a friend of mine, the very day after the Isla Vista shootings, was telling me she thought Elliot Rodger was good looking. I don't think she actually heard him speak. She is roughly his age, I might add.

    I watched his videos before Youtube took them down. His voice was positively saturated with bitterness. I read his manifesto, too. What a trip down the rabbit hole.

    Because Elliot Rodger and Ben Moynihan are so extreme, I'm not going to address them.

    As it happens, I've known a very disproportionate number of people in my life who are adult virgins. And when I say adult virgins, I mean in their 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s. This is mostly due to the fact that my brother has cerebral palsy and many of his classmates and friends are disabled with various conditions. Many of them are disfigured. Many of them died rather young (40s and 50s) due to complications from their illnesses (some didn't make it to my bro's high school graduation). I have two aunts who died virgins (one at 70 something, the other at 89). My friend, two years younger than I has FAS. His face is somewhat disfigured and off putting. None of them, I repeat, NONE OF THEM, males and females alike, has ever expressed any bitterness or violent thoughts towards the opposite sex... or any other human for that matter. In every case, they are not particularly frustrated at being a virgin NEARLY as much as they are frustrated and sad at not having found love and human contact. Some of them really can't have sex, by the way. They would gladly just like to feel another human touching them, romantically if not sexually.

    My brother and I have watched as many of them put on brave faces in their teens and twenties, and slowly, year after year, watch their smiles diminish. We have held them as they sobbed. One woman, who liked my brother, once confessed she would rather find love than be able to walk. No shit.

    What do you tell *these* people? Not the twenty somethings who are having a tough time. What would you tell them, they who have been without romantic love and companionship *LONGER THAN YOU'VE BEEN ALIVE*? Is it reasonable to expect them to keep up this "Think about other things" and "Don't be desperate" and "You're not entitled to sex" for three, four, five, six decades? Isn't *some* desperation, or *some* frustration inevitable and unavoidable?

    Now, granted, these people are a minority, and much of what you have said is great wisdom.

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    • However, for every one Elliot Rodger, there are millions of adult virgins like the people I just spoke of (just visit a state or group home or a nursing home and you'll see what I mean). What do you say to these people?

    • Oh, interestingly, I've found that the females *generally* tend to seem more OK about it than the males. I am skeptical that this is merely societal, but quite possibly due to innate differences between the sexes (please note, I said "quite possibly," not "is")

    • Oh, I almost forgot.

      "Although sex is enjoyable"

      Honestly Ozanne, this just seems like an attempt to downplay it. "Enjoyable" is a word I use to describe driving my convertible. "Enjoyable" is what I use to describe watching a good movie. Sex, and especially sex when one is in love, is life altering. Not merely "enjoyable"

  • You say they should try not to care about it, but it's not something you just turn off.

    Saying it's important to learn that sex isn't all that important is to say that having sex is important because it will let you understand how not important it is to your life.

    What you're really asking for is faith. Have faith that it means nothing long enough for it to happen and come to understand that it means nothing.

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  • great take
    but i think most pressure still comes from society
    i notice how some friends really like to play this "hes still a virgin" card as way of amusing themselves and others, just to belittle

    now im fine with everyone and as said no one should ever pressure themselves, i mean no one is as invested in sex as another male is
    there are more important things to focus on, such as career and making money

    ofc granted everyone feels this longing for love, its natural but we shouldn't toss way the other cool aspect of love in order to obtain this satisfaction

    im still proud u know even tho some friends like to use it against me
    it first was a case of interest; me not being that much into the whole love scene during most of my teens
    then its by choice, i have had no problem whatsoever attracting women or even talking with them what some friends like to think, in fact im quite good at talking with them
    i make em laugh, feel eased etc... always to the point people think i flirt with them

    but the point is i just dont feel like rushing up just to do it and at this point i have bigger things at my head then some childish thing like that

    cause for some time during my teens, i was really low on self esteem cause the boys would often laugh at me and say im not funny or this and that and this also caused me to dodge any female contact
    and it wasn't until later that i discovered how easy i do communicate with them and how i really did feel appreciated like my sense of humor, fashion etc...

    cause were guys saw me as this weirdo nonchalant dude
    girls would often say im this mysterious self confident guy

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  • Ugggg... Women put WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY too much importance on sex. It boggles my mind looking back to my younger years. And it is really funny because women in their 40's and 50's are like guys in our teens and 20's... very sexually aggressive. If women viewed sex the way guys do, they would be a lot less stressed about things.

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    • Yea this Take was clearly meant to offend us! As if we're the more desparate sex lol!! This take should be directed toward women as well LOL.

    • ... and they're the same throughout, not only in their 40s, 50s, etc. I don't know where you're deriving that information from.

  • Though your main points are true and understandable, the reasoning in your advise seems to diminish the fact, that societies influences are not as easy to get out of your mind, and that people can't simply dictate their emotions and needs. (Eg. Sexual desire is something most difficult to fight, and frustration one of the most unpleasant feelings)
    In short, it feels like you underestimate the difiiculty of such a situation.

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  • This is a good Take, but there's one more angle on this. Although most people don't think the virginity issue is a big deal, there are a few circles who judge and ridicule male virgins. As tough as a guy can be inside, the virgin-shaming can still hurt. Years ago, just because I wasn't out chasing women at the time, I was ridiculed, and labeled as a 'faggot'. When I did lose my virginity (at my own pace), all this shaming crap came to an end. Just saying, the whole virgin-shaming factor could be a motivator in this.

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  • Virginity is great, but it isn't something that one must worry to death about. And you are right about not acting desperate. I had woman come up to me in my face and directly ask me for sex, other strangers graping me by the hand at 2:00 AM on ocean drive in South beach to go the beach alone.

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  • You have no idea what it is like to be a man if you think any of this is actually helpful. Granted, it sounds nice in the abstract. But none of that is really going to change things. Because at the end of the day, average guys are still surrounded by extremely attractive women, supermodels, and Instagram girls and then men like Leonardo DiCaprio who are having sex with all of them. It is very emasculating, disheartening, and a threat to one's self esteem. The fact that women like you say one thing and yet would still refuse to actually have sex with us only confirms our feelings.

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  • I pretty much blame myself for being a kissless virgin at 26. lack of attractive qualities physically has hindered me but I would never hurt anyone over it. I'm pretty reserved to the fact that I won't find a girl that likes me and I'll die alone. It just is what it is at this point.

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  • I keep telling them sex isn't all it's cracked up to be, and nobody listens on here 😒

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    • ... except sometimes it is. And more

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    • to these things... and we are definitely on opposite sides of that one.

      I would love to live just a few days inside the head of someone who can... **do** that. Who can just LET base-level biological drives have exactly X amount of influence over their lives, and no more. Srsly, I wish I could, just for the empathy factor.

    • @redeyemindtricks I don't think you'd descend into a haze of depression and hating the world, In fact I would bank on YOU getting up and taking control of your situation.

      I don't think we're on opposite sides as such, approaching from a different angle perhaps. I have those same base desires too, but I know how to fix that problem and get loving sex should I really crave it (and I don't mean a prostitute or a drunken club lay). Now I know you have zero problem in this regard too, hence why I believe it wouldn't affect your mood and life? - simply because you wouldn't let it.

      Am I being too logical? I've never considered myself to have a low-libido haha. If anything my base desires used to see me get bored of the same girl very very quickly when I was younger. Wifey is probably the second "serious" relationship I've ever had.

  • Meh. It's not worth resorting to violence over but let's not pretend sex isn't that big of a deal, if you honestly think that then you either have a low libido or you take for granted how much easier it is for you to get it than it is for others. It's really not shocking that some people go over the edge because of it. It's not even just the sex, it's not being desired. Not trying to justify the sick shit people do or think because of it, but let's not dismiss things so easily.

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  • I love your post, but the entire stigma of everyone else being able to participate in something so effortlessly while you can't is just a really horrible feeling. It's hard to just not think about it either, but at the end of the day you're right, there's nothing you can do about it so we just need to shut up and forget about it until we're reminded again.

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 9

  • we have a toxic sexual culture of haves and have-nots. there's lots of women who will have sex with you. just get on adult friend finder, ashley madison, backpage, local milfs, etc. those are just the ones i know of. i'm sure guys know of a lot more. the problem is often times people want to have 'normal sex'. sex that's not just a hookup. sex with someone who's not just fucking you. they are accepting you as a person. and sadly- there are people that nobody wants in that way. for many many diverse reasons. sometimes you're not attractive enough. sometimes too attractive. you have a funny voice. and often times it's the women more than the men who do the rejecting and being so picky for silly reasons. women will go to bed with a guy for absolutely no reason except to fuck- but then turn around and not go out to dinner because he has a funny nose hair or something like that. and believe it or not, most men are not man-whores. most men actually do have standards and don't enjoy just sleeping around. strange as some people may think- but men are people too. go figure.

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  • I am virgin because l don't like losing 😂😂😂

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  • Good take! I use to obess over the label and so did my friends. We were always saying "ugh I'm still a virgin" and wondered when our "turn" would be. Looking back, I don't know why we were in such a rush

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  • Elliot was a result of an affair. It goes to show he has mental problems: narcissim and his comfortable background didn't give him aid to become more. It also begs me to question this: what was his parents doing wrong to create someone faulty as him

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    • Are you sure? Peter Rodger was married to Li Chin (from Malaysia). They date they got married is not found online, but this link explains that Li Chin and Peter Rodger had their son Elliot a few years into their marriage, which might have been in the late 80s:
      http://elliot-rodger.wikia.com/wiki/Li_Chin_Rodger
      They ended up divorcing in 1998.
      A child of divorce, yes. An affair? Not from what I've read by a few Google searches.

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    • I just feel like he's an anomaly that existed. Just from reading more about him... schoolshooters.info/.../...nality_analysis_1.1.pdf they said he was racist and was obsessed with white girls only. He saw himself as superior because of his British lineage. Im not surprised he thinks this. Since his mother has a white fetish for white wealthy men only

    • Typical attitude displayed by eurasians

  • I agree, there's nothing to worry about, you're likely to meet someone someday and lose it

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  • This isn't what I've been saying! Great take!

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  • I don't get why people care so much. Sex is just sex.

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  • Don't let not being a virgin define who you are as a person also :)

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  • Good take!

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