Thanks to @Unit1 I learned about Elliot Rodger – which to many of Americans was a familiar story but not to me. I did know about Ben Moynihan a couple of years ago, and got Elliot mixed up with him.
Yes - those two are extreme cases that involved mental illness. But what about the many guys who are still very frustrated about not yet having experienced sex? Men and boys feel still frustration (that stays somewhat controlled) by not being able to get a girlfriend, lose their virginity, or maintain a sex life to the point of feeling so angry.
This is my (woman’s) point-of-view (to guys) on why you should just take it easy and not allow this to have so much control in your life.
Although sex is enjoyable, it's no reason to forget who you really are. During the years of being a virgin, as each year goes by allow yourself some happiness in other areas of your life. Your genitals don’t need to run things. In fact, what might just end up getting you sex is the fact you had other things going on to make you interesting – rather than just your plea to have sex.
Desperation is noticeable. Usually people who make their virginity a big deal don’t even know that their attitude about it can be sensed. Signals that you put out subconsciously can either be physically seen, heard in your voice, or even bio-chemically sniffed out. Women pick up things very easily, and if you are hunting for it, how you behave can connect the dots. Women like confidence. Do you ever notice that a guy who seems like he isn’t interested seems to attract the most women? Women like to think that they will be the one to tear down that wall - hence giving guys the impression that we like 'the bad guy'. That's not necessarily true. We like playing sexual puzzle games to find out if we can be the one to solve the Mysterious Guy Puzzle.
Venting by means of violence is useless. Elliot threw a vanilla latte on a random female once. Not for rejecting him, but just because he was angry that she was there, pretty, and he thought she probably would reject him. I wondered: who's to say she wouldn't have been the one girl who actually said yes had he been normal to her? To just be mad at all women in general and show it makes sure you’re in no way attractive to any woman. So sit in your hamster wheel and spin, because you’ll prove yourself right for as long as you continue with that bad attitude.
Attractiveness does not entitle you to sex. Neither does status, your self-proclaimed wonderful personality, what you drive, and how intelligent you are. This comes from Elliot Rodger’s reasons of why he felt so wronged. As a woman, I have heard these very excuses of why I was awful to reject a guy based on what he had to offer. Most of us are familiar with the film “Gladiator” and can remember Commodus telling Marcus Aurelius (before murdering him):
“You wrote to me once, listing the four chief virtues: wisdom, justice, fortitude and temperance. As I read the list I knew I had none of them. But I have other virtues, father…”
(Creepy and out-of-line, for insisting his virtues should be more important than what someone else thinks.)
When it comes to women, your own justifications of why you should get a girl do not count for anything when we all have different preferences in someone’s looks, personality, character traits and eventually learning what their ambition is in life so that a woman can find out if they are on par with her own plans. If you believe you're cute and successful and that should be enough, just know that a lot of women will find other things more important that you might not have to offer. If you have blue eyes and she loves brown eyes, or if she loves a sense of humour and you take things to heart. You can't be Everywoman's Man.
Elliot Rodger was cute. In my opinion – quite cute! He was also sensitive, loved to connect with nature, and seemed educated and on his way to a good future. And so much for women only wanting money – he was also the son of the famous film director Peter Rodger and was financially privileged. The problem was he was unhappy and it oozed from every word he said, and I also noticed it in pictures the press showed of him in family photos. He was jealous and hateful. Women detect these things and some inner security alarm goes off inside them that says, “Watch out – this guy is like this without you even being in my life yet. Who’s to say how badly he’ll snap at me even if it’s over a misunderstanding?”
Talk about your feelings with someone you trust. Elliot Rodger’s crime started a bevy of online opinions, especially from other people who said, “I wish I could have just talked to Elliot. Could have saved some lives.” “If Elliot only knew this, that, and the other could have scored him some chicks – if I was his old roommate, I could have helped him get a girlfriend.” This tells me that the support to talk about things is there – you just have to find the right people who are sensitive enough to relate to, who are on your side. Forget the mean-spirited guy who bullies you about it, or the girls who seem stuck-up who rejected you. Select the right people to get good information from to help you, instead of keeping you feeling justified for being angry about it.
Being a virgin is not who you are. There's much more to life and relationships with people that have nothing to do with sex. Don't let "being a virgin" define who you are as a person.