Friends With Benefits Are Not True Friends At All!

Friends with benefits are not true friends at all!

I see so many references now days on here regarding this whole phenomenon of so called "friends with benefits." Its concerning to me that perhaps the most powerful and most wonderful aspect of life between two people is being squandered away and discarded as something more along the lines of a time filler in order to satisfy a biological urge.

Another noteworthy observation I have made is the element of surprise so many experience while being in a "friends with benefits" relationship. Questions are asked on GAG almost daily along the lines of "after having sex, why am I now having feelings?" or "why am I starting to fall in love with him so deeply after having intercourse when we agreed to not allow any feelings?" A true look into the psychology and natural design of human beings tells us why we should not be surprised due to the fact that we were built and hard wired this way from the get-go.

It is a scientific fact that the human brain processes multiple chemicals during sexual intercourse. Furthermore, orgasm in both sexes intensifies these bonding or imprinting chemicals towards the other person, therefore solidifying this physical bond. The feel of each others body both inside and out causes the brain to create new centers of recognition of each person toward the other. The very nature of the sexual act itself was by design meant to be the greatest and most powerful manifestation of true love between two beings due to the fact that its a tangible act of giving and receiving to the deepest physical level possible, using all of the 5 senses, and even arguably a 6th sense for those who believe in spiritual sensory.

I take issue with the idea of being so reckless with that most special bond by simply stating that every day friends can somehow have access anytime they wish to that which is not theirs. I would not classify someone in a "friends with benefits relationship" as a true friend because a true friend would not ever take advantage of another in this way through objectification, or to tempt the physical appetites of another of which they have no intention of catching their most intimate feelings once that person falls deeply for them. Ether be a friend and remain a trusted person who is loyal and yet maintains a non physical relationship, or become a true lover in which both people are loved by each other unconditionally as their foundation for the physical connection. Someone who is having sex and truly loved by the other will always feel needed, wanted, safe, cherished, cared deeply for, physically comfortable, orgasmic, and generally be a happy person in daily life because they know they belong to something very special.


12|6
2831

Join the discussion

What Girls Said 28

  • -Its concerning to me that perhaps the most powerful and most wonderful aspect of life between two people is being squandered away and discarded as something more along the lines of a time filler in order to satisfy a biological urge
    -Ether be a friend and remain a trusted person who is loyal and yet maintains a non physical relationship, or become a true lover in which both people are loved by each other unconditionally as their foundation for the physical connection
    AMEN!

    1|3
    0|0
  • This is a good take. Last year I started dating this guy and we really liked each other a lot, we ended up breaking up because we didn't see a real future together. We tried being friends, but we had a lot of sexual chemistry and agreed to do a friends with benefits situation, which lasted a few months. We still had a lot of feelings for each other, but we both knew it would never really work and broke it off and started seeing other people. He got back with an ex from high school/college and I was really jealous at first and hoped that maybe we would end up getting together again when we both figured some stuff out. We stopped seeing each other and didn't really talk much for a few months, but I started to become really good friends with his girlfriend. Recently, we got back into contact and he and I discussed having a double date, when his girlfriend is in town, so I can meet her and he can meet my boyfriend. We are a lot closer now as friends than when we were friends with benefits and we have a lot of respect for each other. I think our past relationship is what really brought us closer, we just didn't know where to put those feelings.

    2|1
    0|0
  • Well personally I think people should do as they please as long as everything is consensual. I think sex is exactly as special or not special as you make it, and not everyone feels the same way about sex as you do. I have felt the same level of attachment to people I've never touched as to those I've had sex with.
    However, I also know that friends with benefits relationships rarely work for long. Someone is going to want more or want to take a step back or get jealous or any number of things. So generally I'd advise against them.

    2|1
    0|0
    • I agree with this. To me, sex is just the fulfilment of bodily needs & a friends with benefits kind of relationship can work out peacefully, I'm living proof for that.
      Had a friends with benefits for about a year. Met up whenever we felt like it & when I stopped our 'agreement' because someone else caught my interest, all he said was something along the lines of "Damn, now I gotta go look for someone else, lol." He was neither jealous nor mad or anything & neither of us ever caught any feelings because is just an urge without any feelings for the both of us.
      I do realise not everyone can pull this off, this requires a big detachment between body & mind on both sides, so the possibility of such a relationship should always be treated with caution.

  • I try not to judge anyone for their personal legal choices (ok and some illegal ones...) however I find it at least somewhat ridiculous when they lie to themselves. I've been friends with benefits with exes during times I had no desire for a romantic relationship (yes that happens) and I did not either develop new feelings or rekindle old ones because 1: enough time had past and 2: I knew a relationship wasn't right for us. I'm not the type of person to try to make something out of nothing when all odds are against it (not that they were bad guys. Quite the opposite. But being nice/ good people does not mean you are compatible). But I've seen friends hook up for exes (or just guys) and say "Oh we're just having fun" and then end up getting bent out of shape because he suddenly gets a new girlfriend or something. One of my friends does this repeatedly with her ex, even though she's fully admitted she cannot separate sex and emotion. She knows exactly what type of person he is and I have a hard time feeling any sympathy when he continually disappoints her.

    1|1
    0|0
  • A Great Take. I do agree with what you have said. I could t picture having a so called Friend's with Benefits, as I love intensely and passionately and I want a love that is my own. Plus by sharing each bodies and mind and soul, only to leave the next day like it didn't happen, doesny cut it for me. I need the real thing.

    1|2
    0|0
  • Yes I agree almost completely. Sex with someone you care about and can openly have feelings for/with is certainly the best endeavor, but to say...
    "a true friend would not ever take advantage of another in this way through objectification"

    implies lack of free will. Two consenting adults who've discussed the parameters (yes these rules are generally looked to be broken by at least one of the two) and are aware of what they are doing can't really claim or be accused of taking advantage.

    1|1
    0|0
    • You make a great point. I see it as lack of self respect for both people while still pointing out that really and truly they probably are not friends since friends wouldn't do such things to one another. Now I can totally see two friends all of the sudden click and realize they have had feelings for each other for a while but didn't show it or say anything nor act out on it (sex) only to finally not be able to take it any longer, admit it, have sex, recognize that "we are official" and in love, marriage, so on. But at that point forward, they commit to one another and are there to catch the other's most vulnerable feelings.

    • Two people can both be adults and consent to a relationship but one is still taking advantage of the other. E. g., a professor and a college student; a therapist and patient; an attorney and client. In the friends with benefits context, if I know that a girl wants a relationship with me and will do anything to get it, I can tell her that I don;t want a relationship but I would like to have sex with her. I know that she is desperate to have a relationship so I suspect that she will agree to friends with benefits, hoping that more develops. I know that I will never let that happen, so I get her to agree to be friends with benefits and we start having sex. Haven't I taken advantage of her even though she is a consenting adult who has exercised her free will?

    • @OlderAndWiser the professional relationships you speak of in your intricate comoleyey unethical for the reason yes someone is taking advantage. Your other scenario bowever is not. If one adult chooses to keep his or her eyes closed to the reality of the situation, that's on them.

  • Not that I have any experience with friends with benefits relationships, but they seem like a terrible idea.

    0|2
    0|0
  • I agree with you but sometimes some relationships are genuine.

    I became friends with my fiancé and we had sex, then got into a relationship.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Friends with benefits does not work because like the post says. A friend will never take advantage of the other person as to the extent to have sex with the other one. If that person is a true true friend they will respect you and not use her or him for sex. If your friend wants to have sex he better hire a hooker.

    0|3
    0|0
  • I personally would never do the "friends with benefits" thing. I had on every guys ask me and I said he can find himself someone else cause I wasn't that kind of girl. I wanted love first. And I found it! My husband is the first man I've been with and he will be the last.

    0|2
    0|0
  • well I had a fuck buddy so to speak for the last 2 years and we just broke it off or should I say he broke it off with me. yes we had an arrangement no relationship just physical pleasure pretty much every Friday or Saturday and sometimes during the week for the last two years with only each other. he is quite a few years younger than me. he said that he is lonely and he wants a relationship with someone else I am devastated I feel like I was really caring for him more than I should have. I think about him all day and have the urge to cry but I'm trying to stay strong this is almost ridiculous but it's happening and there's nothing I can do about it. I should be able to just move forward but it's not as easy as you would think.

    0|2
    0|0
    • Sorry to hear this @Zumbagirl
      Is it possible that he cared a lot for you too but thought a relationship wouldn't work because of the age difference?

  • I agree! In my opinion, sex is something special that should be shared between two partners that love each other, but I feel like a lot of people don't share this opinion anymore.

    1|1
    0|0
  • It's just a term. Most of the time, they're not even your friends. They're just a person you sometimes hook up with. The problem is most people can't separate feelings from sex, so it's not for everyone.

    1|1
    0|0
  • people should have sex when they want to. Sex isn't some magical thing. Don't try and make people feel bad for having sex in a way that doesn't appeal to you. You don't want casual sex so doesn't have casual sex.

    1|1
    5|3
    • People should think about the consequences of their decisions in life. Making people feel bad or not is secondary to speaking the truth of the reality if being reckless in some decisions. I'm not one who will stay silent in the off chance I might hurt someone's feelings. Especially when people are on here every day wondering why they have feelings after having causal sex. Are you actually going to sit here and deny that the brain is wired this way and deny that casual sex can be harmful for many who engage in it?

    • Show All
    • Why to feel bad if ITS YOUR WILL and no one forced you to do so? If you feel bad it's because you know it's bad.

    • And by the way I'm not against you at all I was curious about the "make people feel bad" part.

  • I agree with you and this is a great Mytake

    0|3
    0|0
  • Kudos! I completely agree. 💙

    0|2
    0|0
  • lovely take! <3 always a fan of how you express your ideas :)

    0|1
    0|0
  • Love this mytake high five good job. :-) :-)

    0|2
    0|0
  • Wonderful MyTake. Wish more people were as smart as you.

    0|1
    0|0
  • best take ever! :D <3 this.

    0|2
    0|0
  • More from Girls
    8

What Guys Said 31

  • I'd agree that it won't work for most people, but for some it's possible. The difficulty is for both partners remaining satisified with the status quo over the long term, which is unlikely, for example, because people meet someone new even if they don't develop a desire for a deeper relationship.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Good take I agree.

    Probably why they say the person you marry should be your lover and your best friend.

    2|2
    0|0
  • I thinkFWB is a dangerous and unhealthy thing to do. It just leads to lust, jealousy, and heartbreak, and you're right, they're not real friends. In my opinion, if two people were truly friends but found each other attractive they would date each other properly.

    1|2
    0|0
    • Exactly, its actually quite natural to first be real friends, be loyal and selfless, and then find out later they developed feelings and then commit, become lovers, marriage, and so on. With the correct order though they developed those connections in the right order.

  • Just excellent. Here here! :)
    We're gonna keep banging this drum here 'till at least some of them get it.

    I tell the girls, if they're gonna give their sex away like this they may as well get paid for it. Whores get more respect than sluts in western culture!

    1|1
    0|2
  • I totally agree - I cannot separate the two the way friends with benefits requires and would expect feelings to develop if in a physical relationship - You are one or the other, you can be friends within a relationship but I don't think you can be physical within a friendship

    0|1
    0|0
  • I do think it cheapens the meaning of the word, "friend."

    But I think cheap easy sex kind of cheapens a lot of things.

    But if that's really the only thing your heart desires, I wouldn't hold anybody back from doing what they really genuinely wanted, even if they want to get beat up and tortured. I know some people pay for that, so I guess people can want anything. And sex is way better than beatings, hopefully. Or if you're into both, you know, whatever.

    I just hope you have something else like a business plan or something for when you're not young and sexy anymore. I hope you're not just gonna party it up until it's no fun anymore and then kill yourself. A ton of people do just that. There's more to life, but not if you're busy throwing it away with both hands to have fun fun fun in the sun, and bright lights and big city nights. But if that's what you're into, oh well.

    images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/.../..._SS350_.jpg

    0|0
    0|0
  • I agree with you for the majority of people but I think there are some who can have sex purely for the physical side and not get emotionally attached. The problem is when the friends with benefits relationship consists of one of these people and another person who does get emotionally invested. I guess the perfect friends with benefits setup would consist of two people looking to enjoy sex in a purely physical sense who know they won't get emotionally attached.

    0|1
    0|0
  • pepole want to feel love even if they can't find someone they feel is right for them on a life goal level as well as sexualy. Its a strong emotion but pepole have every right to want to feel it.

    1|1
    0|0
  • I could not disagree more. The purpose of a friends with benefits is to circumvent all the psychodrama socual protocols and crank philosophy festooned here. I'd write more, but I'm about to puke.

    0|0
    1|2
  • Friends with benefits is way too cold for me. It just doesn't feel right.

    1|1
    0|0
  • I agree

    1|1
    0|0
  • Thank you

    1|1
    0|0
  • Seriously!

    1|1
    0|0
  • Well said. I'd add though that there could be different levels of friend with benefits. Perhaps for personal reasons, the two friends desire to not commit to a higher level relationship. I totally agree, and from personal experience, once you cross that threshold of being sexual you have become more than just friends. I don't see how a person can share that intimate bonding and stay just friends. But that is not to say that you want to take your partner home and live happily ever after. What makes this even more complicated is after having sex numerous times, the experience can grow into something great, then what do you do with it. I ended up running off to another state when she got transferred to join her. Sadly in this case, once we moved in together, the relationship changed. Lasted about 18 months and I moved out. Should have stayed friends with benefits.

    0|0
    0|0
  • H-O-L-Y C-R-A-P!

    1st. Do you see that you have MUCH MORE to say about this then the vast majority of women?

    2nd. You need to figure out your manhood and get right with yourself.

    3rd. "friends with benefits", "hanging the slut on my rod", "the cool chick who bangs"... what's the dif? why do you care? You don't approve then don't partake.

    4th. bad news my little snow flake... You're in love with the fantasy of being in love. OR... you're gay. Either or you're screwed.

    0|2
    1|2
    • Wow! I need to figure out my manhood? Let me tell you, I am right with myself. I'm right because I can have a good conscience that I don't treat women as a doormat like you do sir! "Hanging the slut on my rod"? WTH really? You are pathetic and need to learn some basic respect. I'd love to get your mother's response to how you view women. I hope every woman you come across sees right through you. I'm far from being a "snowflake" as I assure you I can hold my own if needed!

    • Hu? what? that time of the month? I'm not reading all that crap... it's all... blah, blah, blah... you sound just like a woman. get the sand out of your vag and go look in the mirror. Bad news pal you're the kind of guy women cheat on... I'm the kind of guy women cheat with. You sit there wondering (and crying I bet) why oh why did she do this.. boo hooo... and she's getting my hand on her ass :) do you REALLY want to be "that guy"? You have some emotional or intellectual thing you need to connect with? try getting right with you and being a good friend to your mates... women can't give you what you're looking for... SOOOO... give them that hand like they like it and stop being such a snowflake.

  • Great take on this. It's a fact of life that sex does create attraction whether we want it or not. I agree with you completely!

    0|1
    0|0
  • Good explanation

    0|1
    0|0
  • Never thought of it this way

    0|1
    0|0
  • Sexual bonding can be part of friendship.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Yes exactly, it can. Thats the point and so the problem is what happens when one or both never intended on bonding because they were only looking for the sex initially?

  • "Friends With Benefits" sounds nicer than "Fuck Buddies."

    0|1
    0|0
  • More from Guys
    11
Loading...