I'm a Man but...#MeToo

By now most of us are familiar with the many sexual assault and harassment claims by women across politics and business, Hollywood and even news anchors. The slogan #metoo has been used in an effort to empower other women to speak up about their own traumatic events of improper sexual activities and comments. This mytake is not intended to diminish any of the serious allegations SO MANY women are now speaking out about but to rather get the views of women who have faced these issues as well as those who have not to try and better understand how gender plays a role in how sexual assault is viewed.

It starts when my career started over 20 years ago in the financial services industry. I was just a young, ambitious but naive kid who had done an internship while in college and was fortunate enough to get a job offer following by graduation. I had met most of the employees when I interned but nobody really paid me any attention as I was seated in a tiny cubicle away from most of the office hustle and bustle calling on prospective investment clients and mailing them various research pieces on the stocks, bonds or mutual funds they were interested in. It wasn’t until I was hired, passed all my licensing exams and became one of the 18 suit wearing stock brokers in the office did my #metoo issues begin.

I'm a Man but...#MeToo

In addition to the 17 other older men brokers, the firm had one female broker and another 10-12 support staff of mostly women working in the branch.

On one of my first days, I had to walk the length of the office and could overhear women’s whispers, whistles and comments such as “ooh, things are looking up around here” and “look at that hot ass”, or “finally some eye candy around here.”

I'm a Man but...#MeToo

I was fairly shy and didn’t comment back but I do remember actually feeling good about the comments. As the days and weeks went by, the comments continued and a couple of the women even began smacking my ass as I walked by. I always handled it as good natured including me in the “club” kind of razzing.

I had the one female broker asking me to work on joint projects with her and when she was having marital problems, she’d invite me out for cocktails after work to discuss “business”. Through all of it I just went along because I had been a shy guy growing up and frankly the attention was flattering, I wanted to fit in and succeed at my first real job.

Then it got serious. One day we had a high ranking female broker from the New York City Branch visiting and working in our office as she had a summer house in the area. She was a very large African American woman who had done very well for herself despite the fact that this industry is/was run mostly by men, white men. I was impressed by this. After work on Friday we all went out and I easily had too many drinks trying to fit in with the older and more senior firm members who were buying the martinis.

I'm a Man but...#MeToo

Well, this one visiting New York female broker said “you really shouldn’t drive home, where do you live?” I told her my address and she said it was on her way home and she’d get me home safe. I remember getting to my drive way and she offered to help walk me in. (I was REALLY drunk) once inside, she said “where’s your bedroom? I’m putting you to bed” we get to the bedroom and I flopped down in the bed only to feel her taking off my shoes (this is nice of her I thought) then she undid my pants, pulling them completely off and next my shirt. (I was out of it but there enough to just think ok I don’t want to pass out in my clothes.) THEN she attempted to pull down my boxers so I said no, I’m ok thank you for helping me, I’m good now. But she didn’t stop and although I’m 6’4” and when sober could easily overpower her, I was so dizzy I just didn’t have the strength to stop it and quite frankly never imagined how far it would actually go.

I'm a Man but...#MeToo

She took down my shorts and began fondling me. At first with her hand then I could feel the warmth of her mouth. And although I said “no” and “you can stop now” she didn’t. Then she said something like “I can’t leave now that’s all hard like that.” Then she quickly stripped down, got on top of me, slid it into her and began riding. I was so drunk I wouldn’t stay hard and this seemed to frustrate her so she tried with her mouth again and it was then that I just pushed her head away and said I just need to sleep. She made some comment and said this’ll be our little secret and I can help you in this business if you let me. She left and I passed out completely.

The next morning I first thought it had to be a dream but as my menory came back I wrote down all I could remember from the nights events. Never knowing if this event would need to be spoken of again. I've since become fairly successful on my own, never saw or spoke to that woman again but the one who regularly smacked my ass in the hallways continued for years even after I’d resigned from that firm, (as irony would have it, the branch manager was fired for sexual harassment and many of the women were paid off to keep quiet). I went on to open my own company, I’d see her in the grocery store where she’d say “turn around so I can smack that hot ass of yours.”

While sexual assault is supposedly not acceptable regardless of the genders, victims or perpetrators, we all know it’s really just not acceptable for men to assault women. So I'd be interested to hear women’s thought on these events.

Thanks for letting me share my #metoo story.

9 8

Most Helpful Guy

  • I want to start a #mentoo movement where men come forward to share their stories. No one deserves to be treated that way no matter if you are male or female. And there should be no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed about sharing it. And start reminding that the accused are 'Innocent until proven guilty' instead of the stupid 'Men are guilty until proven innocent' trash we currently have. Have a 'Voice Recorder' app turned on when in public so you at least have audio reference. Install hidden cameras in your home - Useful for many purposes.
    Question: Did you tell anyone else about this incident? Friends? Family? Manager? Police?

    • I told a couple buddies and they basically laughed at the concept that a 6'4" 250lb guy could be raped. Its still awkward to even read my writing the word but Telling it here and reading the responses, especially those of the women has actually been really therapeutic. I can see now how and why women who do come forward, feel better afterwards

    • #mentoo anonomysly shared to avoid ridicule.. possibly by the women who understand... of course men can get sexually assaulted, we don’t control our nether regions 100% with our minds. Just as women can get wet and even orgasm when being assaulted, so can men.

    • @Anonother I apologize but I'm having trouble understanding what you mean by the "anonomysly shared to avoid ridicule.. possibly by the women who understand..." part. Are you saying that there could be women who would join, but only anonymously so other women would not bash them personally? Or are you attacking my opinion/answer?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm so sorry for what you've had to experience. Thank you for sharing it. I think it's important that men feel brave enough to share their stories and show the world that it can happen to anyone. Ignorant people just won't understand if everyone keeps quiet about it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I am sorry for your experience, that is simply not allright by any standards.

    That being said I have caught myself thinking about the times I myself have gotten away with a smack on the ass of one of my collegues when they bend over. There is no doubt that I only get away with it because I am me, I do bring a lot of energy with me, and when I don’t have it, it’s possible to feel in the teams I have been working in, so I have been fairly liked, and only ever done it to those I also considered friends, and I don’t doubt that they know I mean no harm (also am not comming on to them, as it’s both men and women and I haven’t datet men since my early twenties), but whether it is acceptable, I have thought about this.. it probably isn’t...
    It is as I said, nothing sexual from my part (even my mom gets a smack when she bends over, just to put it in context), but if it is percieved sexually, and whether it makes people uncomfortable, I don’t really know.. so I probably should be more aware and teach myself to stop the behaviour...

    Perspective perspective

  • It is so great that you are sharing this story. I find hypocritical when women claim to be feminist, fight for rights an equality, and they dismiss that it is also happening to men.

  • This happens all the time, unfortunately. Women take advantage of men in other ways as well - not just via rape.

    And typically complaints such as these aren't taken seriously - or at all. Imagine if you had filed a police report? Men and women both would've shunned you and laughed at you.

    I was molested by a 27 year old when I was 13 and I've told a few people over the years because it never really 'bothered' me until I hit 30 and then it started to bug me. Not in a life-changing way but it does make one wonder if I would be or act differently had that not happened.

    I once told this story to people on a dating website - in a public forum (well, public to the other members) and the women ganged up on me. They said I was trivializing real rape and that by claiming I was molested, I was hurting little girls all over the country.

    It's pretty sad how this double-standard exists, but it does. There's not much that can or will be done about it, unfortunately.

    All I can say is that I feel your pain, brother. And it ain't just you - it's #metoo. I'm sure a lot of men have similar stories of women taking advantage of them in some way but we'll likely never hear about them.

  • I don't think the #MeToo slogan was ever intended for just women. It means for anyone who was sexually assaulted (and not just sexually assaulted, anyone who has been cat called, touched without permission (smacking someone on the ass) stuff that has happened to so many men and women and children.
    Shame on anyone who says it is just for women, or that men's stories don't matter.
    It is true that there are more women that are sexually assaulted then men but that doesn't mean that it doesn't happen to men or that it isn't just as important. Also I think women are more often supported if they speak up whereas men are more afraid to or aren't believed.

    • I wasn’t intending to insult the hashtags purpose. It’s just that have yet to see other men utilize of it as I did. you are correct, most men don’t share for a variety of reasons. I’m attempting to show men they too have access to the #metoo while also exploring how gender does play a roll society’s views of sexual harassment. Thank you for your comment.

  • I'm so sorry you've had this experience. That woman sexually assaulted and raped you. Reading what happened to you saddens my heart. Thank you for having the courage to speak up. Especially not knowing who she is, or if she had diseases. I hope you never have to go through this again. God bless you.

    • Thanks a lot. While I'm a mostly stoic kind of guy, and I was more curious to know peoples impression of my story based on genders, the responses here have been really therapeutic for me.

    • That's wonderful to hear. I'm glad sharing your story has been a positive experience for you. I wish you the absolute best. <3

  • It's never easy sharing a story like that, and I applaud you for having the strength to share it. The truth of the matter is as hard as it is for women to come foreward with stories of rape, assualt and harrasment (and it is hard) it is about triple that for men. I expect the rate of sexually abused men is a lot higher then our estimate. And even if it's not 1 in 6 is not acceptable either.

    Here are some resources for men that you may find helpful:
    https://1in6.org/ (This one is a free and annoynomous support group for male survivors)

    www.rainn.org/articles/sexual-assault-men-and-boys (RAINN also has some really great links and resources)

    https://bc-malesurvivors.com/ (This one's Canadian but it is one of the best sites I've seen for information)

    We are seeing more and more resources coming out designed with men in mind everyday.

  • Your story makes me feel disgusted at them and angry. It's disgusting what she did to you. Absolutely disgusting. She's a rapist. And those women who'd spank you…
    I never thought a bunch of women would act like that, it's just.. unbelievable (I do believe you, i'm just saying it's shocking).
    This is something I hate in society, this whole double standard around this kind of behavior. Sex crimes towards adult women unless abhorrently violent aren't treated well, and the same stuff towards men, well a lot worse. Which is fucking sad.
    But honestly, you're not alone. Remember that. Since #metoo, a lot of men have spoken about this, even celebrities. Hopefully this is going to get better soon.

    • Thanks for your comments. Since writing this I have been (not pleasantly) surprised to see male celebs mention their own issues with this.

    • Wrong way around: Females raping/sexual abusing males are not considered by society, social therapists keep saying that. But bad "toxic masculinity" when a male rapes/sexual abuses a woman. Or did you see our news outlets flooded with rapes done by females or males? Hmm?

  • That's so fucked up, I don't understand how people can do things like that and think it's okay. I guess they just don't care or don't think about other people's feelings or something like that which is really shitty. I'm sorry that you had to deal with all that, it beyond sucks

  • I share how I've been treated like a piece of meat by females and I always get a ton of hate from other guys... like "yeah right" or "in what world were you so lucky" yet from other females... they know I'm speaking the truth.

    I've never heard of nor seen any anecdotal evidence of males behaving like the chicks that reach over and start massaging a strangers cock... mine. Situation and context allowed it at the time... and no, it wasn't cool... despite all the hard up dudes in disbelief that it happens.

  • Wow! I’m really shocked these kind of things could happen to a guy too. sorry you dealt with that stuff. I’m in a similar field and know what you mean by it mostly being a mans world but I’d never have thought women in the workplace could or would be so wrong. Thanks for sharing this really well written mytake. I’m glad you were apparently able to rise above it, stay in your field and become successful.

    • Yes, it does. A woman wanted to give me a #blowjob to gain only #money from me. Needy guys would take the chance but I refused.

    • @roland77 I’m not seeing that as the same as his experience.

    • @SarahsSummer She tried to "abuse" or misuse a sexual practice to gain money. Yes, it is OT. Still misusing sexuality.

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  • why should we pitty you for getting wasted, going to places full of perverts like clubs, and then having them take you home? no pitty from me. if you were just sitting in your living room and she broke through the window would be a different story.

    • Is there something mentally wrong with you?

    • MyExperience is there somthing mentally wrong with you maybe? Humans for dozens of millenia lived off fruits and slept at 9 oclock. i doubt they wasted their livers and brains with alcohol in epilepsy inducing clubs till 4 in the morning. so who is the weirdo/deceived one?

    • Since you’ve now left no doubt, making it abundantly clear, there is something clinically wrong with you. Please seek help.

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  • Thank you sir for sharing that story. It could not have been easy.

  • Massive respect for you writing about your story. I think it's sad that a lot of people, ESPECIALLY men feel they can't open up about it, so well done for that!
    I think in regards to sexual assault/harassment etc. it should be dealt with the same and thought of the same as you would if a woman came forward about any of those allegations.
    Glad to hear you've been successful within your work, thanks for sharing your story! :)

  • Never thought it could happen that way. You always hear about the women with the sexual assault and harassment claims. I guess ot comes from all the years of brain washing from all sources. Just constantly telling you the same thing over and again. Then you start to believe it not possible for a man to file sexual assault and harassment claims.

  • Your experience is valid and will always be. No matter what gender you are, stuff like this needs to be recognized and should take it as serious as a woman's experience

    I'm sorry for this happening to you, seriously no one deserves that

  • Damn dude, Sorry to hear you being taken advantage of.

    Glad that it seems like you kept your head high despite this and you did well to share your story like this.

    Kudos man.

  • Thanks for sharing, I hope that she is brought to justice one day. #Mentoo

  • wow sorry you had to go through that at least you were too drunk for it too happen my sympathies to you

  • I'm glad you found an outlet to share this terrible experience and that you were able to overcome this.

  • I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you! I hope that you are able to heal completely and find support from those around you. <3

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