I'm a Man but...#MeToo

By now most of us are familiar with the many sexual assault and harassment claims by women across politics and business, Hollywood and even news anchors. The slogan #metoo has been used in an effort to empower other women to speak up about their own traumatic events of improper sexual activities and comments. This mytake is not intended to diminish any of the serious allegations SO MANY women are now speaking out about but to rather get the views of women who have faced these issues as well as those who have not to try and better understand how gender plays a role in how sexual assault is viewed.

It starts when my career started over 20 years ago in the financial services industry. I was just a young, ambitious but naive kid who had done an internship while in college and was fortunate enough to get a job offer following by graduation. I had met most of the employees when I interned but nobody really paid me any attention as I was seated in a tiny cubicle away from most of the office hustle and bustle calling on prospective investment clients and mailing them various research pieces on the stocks, bonds or mutual funds they were interested in. It wasn’t until I was hired, passed all my licensing exams and became one of the 18 suit wearing stock brokers in the office did my #metoo issues begin.

In addition to the 17 other older men brokers, the firm had one female broker and another 10-12 support staff of mostly women working in the branch.

On one of my first days, I had to walk the length of the office and could overhear women’s whispers, whistles and comments such as “ooh, things are looking up around here” and “look at that hot ass”, or “finally some eye candy around here.”

I was fairly shy and didn’t comment back but I do remember actually feeling good about the comments. As the days and weeks went by, the comments continued and a couple of the women even began smacking my ass as I walked by. I always handled it as good natured including me in the “club” kind of razzing.

I had the one female broker asking me to work on joint projects with her and when she was having marital problems, she’d invite me out for cocktails after work to discuss “business”. Through all of it I just went along because I had been a shy guy growing up and frankly the attention was flattering, I wanted to fit in and succeed at my first real job.

Then it got serious. One day we had a high ranking female broker from the New York City Branch visiting and working in our office as she had a summer house in the area. She was a very large African American woman who had done very well for herself despite the fact that this industry is/was run mostly by men, white men. I was impressed by this. After work on Friday we all went out and I easily had too many drinks trying to fit in with the older and more senior firm members who were buying the martinis.

Well, this one visiting New York female broker said “you really shouldn’t drive home, where do you live?” I told her my address and she said it was on her way home and she’d get me home safe. I remember getting to my drive way and she offered to help walk me in. (I was REALLY drunk) once inside, she said “where’s your bedroom? I’m putting you to bed” we get to the bedroom and I flopped down in the bed only to feel her taking off my shoes (this is nice of her I thought) then she undid my pants, pulling them completely off and next my shirt. (I was out of it but there enough to just think ok I don’t want to pass out in my clothes.) THEN she attempted to pull down my boxers so I said no, I’m ok thank you for helping me, I’m good now. But she didn’t stop and although I’m 6’4” and when sober could easily overpower her, I was so dizzy I just didn’t have the strength to stop it and quite frankly never imagined how far it would actually go.

She took down my shorts and began fondling me. At first with her hand then I could feel the warmth of her mouth. And although I said “no” and “you can stop now” she didn’t. Then she said something like “I can’t leave now that’s all hard like that.” Then she quickly stripped down, got on top of me, slid it into her and began riding. I was so drunk I wouldn’t stay hard and this seemed to frustrate her so she tried with her mouth again and it was then that I just pushed her head away and said I just need to sleep. She made some comment and said this’ll be our little secret and I can help you in this business if you let me. She left and I passed out completely.

The next morning I first thought it had to be a dream but as my menory came back I wrote down all I could remember from the nights events. Never knowing if this event would need to be spoken of again. I've since become fairly successful on my own, never saw or spoke to that woman again but the one who regularly smacked my ass in the hallways continued for years even after I’d resigned from that firm, (as irony would have it, the branch manager was fired for sexual harassment and many of the women were paid off to keep quiet). I went on to open my own company, I’d see her in the grocery store where she’d say “turn around so I can smack that hot ass of yours.”

While sexual assault is supposedly not acceptable regardless of the genders, victims or perpetrators, we all know it’s really just not acceptable for men to assault women. So I'd be interested to hear women’s thought on these events.

Thanks for letting me share my #metoo story.


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What Girls Said 13

  • I'm so sorry for what you've had to experience. Thank you for sharing it. I think it's important that men feel brave enough to share their stories and show the world that it can happen to anyone. Ignorant people just won't understand if everyone keeps quiet about it.

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  • It is so great that you are sharing this story. I find hypocritical when women claim to be feminist, fight for rights an equality, and they dismiss that it is also happening to men.

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  • It's never easy sharing a story like that, and I applaud you for having the strength to share it. The truth of the matter is as hard as it is for women to come foreward with stories of rape, assualt and harrasment (and it is hard) it is about triple that for men. I expect the rate of sexually abused men is a lot higher then our estimate. And even if it's not 1 in 6 is not acceptable either.

    Here are some resources for men that you may find helpful:
    https://1in6.org/ (This one is a free and annoynomous support group for male survivors)

    www.rainn.org/articles/sexual-assault-men-and-boys (RAINN also has some really great links and resources)

    https://bc-malesurvivors.com/ (This one's Canadian but it is one of the best sites I've seen for information)

    We are seeing more and more resources coming out designed with men in mind everyday.

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  • I'm so sorry you've had this experience. That woman sexually assaulted and raped you. Reading what happened to you saddens my heart. Thank you for having the courage to speak up. Especially not knowing who she is, or if she had diseases. I hope you never have to go through this again. God bless you.

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    • Thanks a lot. While I'm a mostly stoic kind of guy, and I was more curious to know peoples impression of my story based on genders, the responses here have been really therapeutic for me.

    • That's wonderful to hear. I'm glad sharing your story has been a positive experience for you. I wish you the absolute best. <3

  • Wow! I’m really shocked these kind of things could happen to a guy too. sorry you dealt with that stuff. I’m in a similar field and know what you mean by it mostly being a mans world but I’d never have thought women in the workplace could or would be so wrong. Thanks for sharing this really well written mytake. I’m glad you were apparently able to rise above it, stay in your field and become successful.

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  • That's so fucked up, I don't understand how people can do things like that and think it's okay. I guess they just don't care or don't think about other people's feelings or something like that which is really shitty. I'm sorry that you had to deal with all that, it beyond sucks

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  • Massive respect for you writing about your story. I think it's sad that a lot of people, ESPECIALLY men feel they can't open up about it, so well done for that!
    I think in regards to sexual assault/harassment etc. it should be dealt with the same and thought of the same as you would if a woman came forward about any of those allegations.
    Glad to hear you've been successful within your work, thanks for sharing your story! :)

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  • I don't think the #MeToo slogan was ever intended for just women. It means for anyone who was sexually assaulted (and not just sexually assaulted, anyone who has been cat called, touched without permission (smacking someone on the ass) stuff that has happened to so many men and women and children.
    Shame on anyone who says it is just for women, or that men's stories don't matter.
    It is true that there are more women that are sexually assaulted then men but that doesn't mean that it doesn't happen to men or that it isn't just as important. Also I think women are more often supported if they speak up whereas men are more afraid to or aren't believed.

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    • I wasn’t intending to insult the hashtags purpose. It’s just that have yet to see other men utilize of it as I did. you are correct, most men don’t share for a variety of reasons. I’m attempting to show men they too have access to the #metoo while also exploring how gender does play a roll society’s views of sexual harassment. Thank you for your comment.

  • I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you! I hope that you are able to heal completely and find support from those around you. <3

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  • why should we pitty you for getting wasted, going to places full of perverts like clubs, and then having them take you home? no pitty from me. if you were just sitting in your living room and she broke through the window would be a different story.

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    • Is there something mentally wrong with you?

    • MyExperience is there somthing mentally wrong with you maybe? Humans for dozens of millenia lived off fruits and slept at 9 oclock. i doubt they wasted their livers and brains with alcohol in epilepsy inducing clubs till 4 in the morning. so who is the weirdo/deceived one?

    • 7d

      Since you’ve now left no doubt, making it abundantly clear, there is something clinically wrong with you. Please seek help.

  • Your experience is valid and will always be. No matter what gender you are, stuff like this needs to be recognized and should take it as serious as a woman's experience

    I'm sorry for this happening to you, seriously no one deserves that

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  • I am sorry for your experience, that is simply not allright by any standards.

    That being said I have caught myself thinking about the times I myself have gotten away with a smack on the ass of one of my collegues when they bend over. There is no doubt that I only get away with it because I am me, I do bring a lot of energy with me, and when I don’t have it, it’s possible to feel in the teams I have been working in, so I have been fairly liked, and only ever done it to those I also considered friends, and I don’t doubt that they know I mean no harm (also am not comming on to them, as it’s both men and women and I haven’t datet men since my early twenties), but whether it is acceptable, I have thought about this.. it probably isn’t...
    It is as I said, nothing sexual from my part (even my mom gets a smack when she bends over, just to put it in context), but if it is percieved sexually, and whether it makes people uncomfortable, I don’t really know.. so I probably should be more aware and teach myself to stop the behaviour...

    Perspective perspective

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  • This reminds me of what happened to me little brother at my hen party. We were all drunk and the party was well under way, he came down the stairs to go out to his friends when some of the women (including an aunt and cousins) grabbed him and stripped him off and wanked him off in front of us all, they laughed because though he's short and skinny he's kinda big down there. I feel bad because I was so drunk I egged them on until he ejaculated. He ran out of the house with his jeans in his hands.

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    • did you just say we was gang wanked by his aunt and cousins and you supported it?

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    • YES! Close to how you should start the conversation but more like this... “Sorry I stood by in shock as you involuntarily got sexually assaulted in front of 30 women”

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      You really just let that happen to your brother, you stupid , filthy b*tch?

      Congrats, you brother hates you now. He will never forgive you for doing nothing, and he will never forget that you egged them on.

      This is the kind of guy who will end up being a rapist that rapes and might even kill random women off the streets

What Guys Said 18

  • I want to start a #mentoo movement where men come forward to share their stories. No one deserves to be treated that way no matter if you are male or female. And there should be no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed about sharing it. And start reminding that the accused are 'Innocent until proven guilty' instead of the stupid 'Men are guilty until proven innocent' trash we currently have. Have a 'Voice Recorder' app turned on when in public so you at least have audio reference. Install hidden cameras in your home - Useful for many purposes.
    Question: Did you tell anyone else about this incident? Friends? Family? Manager? Police?

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    • I told a couple buddies and they basically laughed at the concept that a 6'4" 250lb guy could be raped. Its still awkward to even read my writing the word but Telling it here and reading the responses, especially those of the women has actually been really therapeutic. I can see now how and why women who do come forward, feel better afterwards

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    • I mean
      I see a lot of people mention ridicule when men shares their histories, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn't be shared.
      So maybe they should/could be shared anonomyli, maybe even by women who sympethise like with the metoo thing.. not that women should join, just share the stories for the men who doesn’t deserve to be made fun of

    • @Anonother Oh ok. Great idea. Thank you for explaining.

  • I share how I've been treated like a piece of meat by females and I always get a ton of hate from other guys... like "yeah right" or "in what world were you so lucky" yet from other females... they know I'm speaking the truth.

    I've never heard of nor seen any anecdotal evidence of males behaving like the chicks that reach over and start massaging a strangers cock... mine. Situation and context allowed it at the time... and no, it wasn't cool... despite all the hard up dudes in disbelief that it happens.

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  • Damn dude, Sorry to hear you being taken advantage of.

    Glad that it seems like you kept your head high despite this and you did well to share your story like this.

    Kudos man.

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  • This happens all the time, unfortunately. Women take advantage of men in other ways as well - not just via rape.

    And typically complaints such as these aren't taken seriously - or at all. Imagine if you had filed a police report? Men and women both would've shunned you and laughed at you.

    I was molested by a 27 year old when I was 13 and I've told a few people over the years because it never really 'bothered' me until I hit 30 and then it started to bug me. Not in a life-changing way but it does make one wonder if I would be or act differently had that not happened.

    I once told this story to people on a dating website - in a public forum (well, public to the other members) and the women ganged up on me. They said I was trivializing real rape and that by claiming I was molested, I was hurting little girls all over the country.

    It's pretty sad how this double-standard exists, but it does. There's not much that can or will be done about it, unfortunately.

    All I can say is that I feel your pain, brother. And it ain't just you - it's #metoo. I'm sure a lot of men have similar stories of women taking advantage of them in some way but we'll likely never hear about them.

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  • I'm glad you found an outlet to share this terrible experience and that you were able to overcome this.

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  • Never thought it could happen that way. You always hear about the women with the sexual assault and harassment claims. I guess ot comes from all the years of brain washing from all sources. Just constantly telling you the same thing over and again. Then you start to believe it not possible for a man to file sexual assault and harassment claims.

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  • Thank you sir for sharing that story. It could not have been easy.

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  • Thank you for sharing. Behavior like this (people taking sexual advantage of another when inebriated) is NOT ok.

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  • My uncle had similar situation he was still 30 years old when a manager of company used to do perverted things.. She told him if you want to go up in career you have to sleep with me... so he had to leave the job. I just see how there is double standarts if a guy rejects a woman she dosn't care she can force you to have sex with her... and it wouldn't be considered rape? Because by Feminist standarts she is making a favor to a guy. As well in school if a female teacher had sex with kid student its okey... she's a female while a guy is pervert and pedophile... so we live in this double standart society... Where is mens rights?

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  • Thanks for sharing, I hope that she is brought to justice one day. #Mentoo

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  • This is sad to read, women are sexual assaulting guys too.

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  • Yes. Take the red pill. Women do that all the time. They don;t think anything of it cause they are taught the world revolves around them and there are no consequences.

    They even accuse you of doing something cause they think that you should be punished if you don;t satisfy them. They are taught that people are around to satisfy them and anything less is injustice.

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  • My respect for you man !!!
    And I always say that if a man don't feel comfortable being objectified he should speak loudly about that. and fuck the people who will laugh at this.

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  • Personally, I take it as a compliment... but that's me. I'm sorry you had that experience... no one should be made to feel that way.

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  • wow sorry you had to go through that at least you were too drunk for it too happen my sympathies to you

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  • I wish girls treated me like this.

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  • I know plenty of women who think that it’s not possible, and you must have wanted it to get that drunk... you know... imply that you were “asking for it.” Something that they would NEVER have the audacity to say about another woman in the same situation.

    It’s disgusting no matter who’s doing it to who. But it’s odd just how many women I know who still can’t see the irony if their beliefs that a male can’t have that happen to them.

    Had a woman slap me in the butt, randomly grab and try to tweak my nipples, etc. I didn’t say anything (young and dumb and didn’t want to get fired or rock the boat), but it happens to guys more than a lot of people think... partly because it’s swept under the rug.

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