The Year I Spent Hooking Up With Guys Taught Me SO Much About Women

The year I spent hooking up with guys taught me SO much about women

I am a bisexual guy who around this time last year, began dating men or more accurately, hooking up with men and my experiences taught me SO much about women and helped me have more empathy for the opposite sex. I have always had these bisexual feelings but never acted on them until last year.

Two things changed. I was single and just out of a LTR and I got a job that required relocating to a new city every few months. I decided that this was the time to find out what guys were like. Full disclaimer, I wasn’t really looking to date guys, I never really felt romantically that way for a guy. I was open to it but it just never happened and I just never felt the urge. So I basically started looking for hookups. I also quickly realized that I did not like the gay scene, either in bars or with OLD (Online Dating). I was open to it, it just wasn’t working out. Maybe it was too much radical change, too fast. This was a whole community and a whole lifestyle I guess, that I knew nothing about and honestly many were not that accepting of bisexuals!

I realized that I pretty much prefer sex with guys in the “female” role I guess, receiving, not pitching so I was actually able to hook up with guys who considered themselves straight but would fuck a guy on occasion, if they were horny and it wasn’t reciprocal. This was the majority of my experiences. So.. as such, I was hooking up with many of the same guys that women hook up with or date and I learned a lot about women and what they experience that was very, eye-opening to me! It helped me understand and empathize with them and I HOPE it makes me a better boyfriend or husband in the future!

First observation. It is REALLY a vulnerable feeling to be on the receiving end of sex! I had strap-on sex with a girlfriend before but she was about 5’2, petite and was very tentative and cautious. A real penis with a real guy attached, who is in many cases bigger and stronger is a whole different world! I never really associated intimidation and even fear with sex before. I’m placing myself in this very vulnerable position, mentally and psychologically and when the guy is in the middle of the act, in the throes of sex… I’m not quite sure if he’d slow down or stop if I wanted him to at that point. Some guys get really aggressive during sex, not abusive but more dominant and physical. I never had an issue but it was a big difference between what sex with women is like and I now understand why women might not be as eager to jump into the sack as quickly as guys. They have more to consider.

The Year I Spent Hooking Up With Guys Taught Me SO Much About Women

I had at least one experience that surprised me and taught me something I never knew about myself and still don’t really understand. I met a guy who was basically an ass. Rude, complete narcissist, basically a person you would seek to avoid in any other circumstance. Anyway, I nearly called off the encounter but decided to stick it out because a female friend warned me he was an ass but was also great in bed and I had a previous series of duds sooo… We did it.


I basically realized that I was just being used like a sex toy after awhile, like a means for him to get off without any consideration or really even acknowledgement of me. What surprised me is that this was turning me ON! I was being moved into different positions by him like he was giving his penis a workout and I was just a means to that end. He’d do things no one else ever did like sit on my face and have me kiss his butt while he called me a good little slut and again, I was turned on. So that was strange because I never thought I’d be turned on by being dominated like that or playing the role of a slut who is just there to please him. Before this, I’ve always wondered why otherwise normal women would be turned on by things like Fifty Shades of Grey or be sexually attracted to “bad boys” or jerks who treat them with no respect. Now that I’ve experienced it.. I don’t totally understand it but I can be more empathetic.

There was lots of bad sex too. Most of it was bad, honestly. Maybe that’s part of why I was so obsessed with the asshole guy I just mentioned, because he was actually really good at sex, had a beautiful penis that worked well, and knew how to use it. He was clean, smelled good, had a nice body and was well groomed. Basically what 80% of the other guys failed to be able to do. Poor hygiene, bad breath, wearing socks while having sex, finishing far too quickly or unable to finish at all. Many guys just were not that good at it would end up being a disappointment. Even one guy with a huge cock! It was fun to see the thing up close at first but sucking it just makes your jaw hurt quickly and there is really no way I’d have something that big inside me so I basically gave him a handjob.

The Year I Spent Hooking Up With Guys Taught Me SO Much About Women

During this time, I also began lightly experimenting with makeup. Not to look like Caitlyn Jenner or some guy in drag but to even out my complexion and just look better. No one knew I was wearing anything, it was really subtle. Well… no GUYS ever picked up on it, a few women did but they are more
attuned to it and every one of them complemented me on it. I had a very minor regimen but even at that, I was surprised at how expensive it could be an how much time it could take to properly clean your skin, exfoliate and then apply the product. I’d do a fraction of what most girls do so I can really
appreciate the time and effort now!! I also started doing things like getting mani-pedis, occasional facials and buying more stylish clothes. Again….Time and Money!! As a guy who used to use a combo bodywash/shampoo and wear jeans and Tshirts. This was a brave new world!

The Year I Spent Hooking Up With Guys Taught Me SO Much About Women

Another experience that I had was for a period of about a month, I actually had a male/male sugar daddy relationship with an older businessman. I did not go looking for this nor did I expect that it was something I’d ever do, I just fell into it and was surprised at how easy it was and I got a taste of how much power there is when you are on the side of the sexual dynamic that is offering sex to an eager party. I was utterly amazed at how opportunities would open up and entire lifestyles and social circles that were unreachable before could become accessible simply with the promise of sex. Again.. I was just an average guy and I had a mind blowing experience. I can only IMAGINE what opportunities there are for a young woman in her sexual prime with most of the male population vying for her attention! Even if you could not bring yourself to do this sort of thing (and honestly, I never thought I would) the temptation must be huge! So.. I was basically sitting at a bar one night playing with a hookup app when an older businessman strikes up a conversation and eventually buys me a drink. He eventually offers to show me around the city and I agree.


Long story short, we ended up in bed in his amazing suite overlooking the city after an amazing meal. I realize that he basically kept getting me to agree a drink first, then a walk, then a meal and before I knew it, he had me! You keep tasting more and more of that world and you don’t want it to stop. He was charming as well and made it seem like nothing, which it was to him because he was so rich. So pretty soon I am hooked and I keep telling myself I’ll end it soon, just one more time! I had vacation time from work and got to go on a trip to another city with him, all high end hotels, restaurants, shopping. He was easy to please sexually too, was never abusive. I found out he was married but that his wife totally approved of this so long as the guys were not exclusive. Meaning he could not see any guy longer than a month. I was relieved and also a bit disappointed and I flirted with finding someone else to do this with but never did. I actually got to meet his wife too! Very pretty woman! She said that she lets him do this and feels better about him seeing guys instead of girls. She took me out to lunch and she told me that she liked me more than any of the other guys he’s seen but their rule was that it could not continue endlessly. I told her I understood and was both relieved but disappointed too.

Another revelation was simply having female friends that I was not looking at as sexual possibilities! I met a very attractive woman who in the past, I’d be thinking constantly about how I could impress her or get into her pants and instead we bonded over makeup! She saw me fumbling around in Sephora in the mall like I was completely lost and we struck up a friendship. It was refreshing that I could see this person as more than just a hot girl! I noticed for the first time how so many men would openly gape, gawk and say the stupidest things to get her attention. I got to learn that she was had lots of interests and was studying to be a graphic designer in her spare time. She only managed to attract a series of losers and players or guys she’d intimidate too much with her beauty and they’d walk on eggshells around her.

So basically, I am winding this life experience down a bit and thinking of dating women again. It’s been really eye opening what women experience when dealing with men, with the sexual power that comes from offering sex and with the amount of time, money and effort that goes into looking good.

I’m not going to insult your intelligence and pretend that I have some amazing insight into femininity now. This was all very superficial and on the periphery but even at that it showed me that women’s experiences are very, different from guys and guys could do well to walk a mile in a woman’s shoes, even as just a simple mental exercise.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I enjoyed this take very much.
    It's a new perspective and not something I've seen before, original.
    Nice job.
    If you're comfortable with it I'd like to discuss further but not publicly. If you'd rather not, I get it.
    Again, good take. 😉👍🏻

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Most Helpful Guy

  • WOW. Very new Take, I'll say that. Your experience is pretty interesting, although I would say there are women who've slept with or experimented with other women, and have the same perspective you had on what it was like to sleep with the same sex. A girl I know personally tried women a while back and she thought that was WORSE than sex or dating with men. And that's not the first time I've heard a woman express dissatisfaction with their own gender after trying. So I think it's glamorized more than maybe is the real case.

    I think maybe the thing is understanding that there are always terrible people to date or sleep with, even for guys doing it with women. We've all met our disappointments, trust me. I think a deep truth is that most people are not really meant to be good for us, but it's the very few individuals or even just 'the one' that we can really love or have a good time with.

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What Girls Said 35

  • I'm glad you had a good experience, but it's also frustrating that men feel like they have to do these experiments instead of just believing women. Also, being bi and sleeping with men while still being male has nothing to do with being a woman. I have many gay friends, and they are still masculine and do not face the same issues in society, not do they experience life the same way.

    If you really want to know what women experience, talk to a woman.

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    • Why so confrontational? He explicitly acknowledged your point: "I’m not going to insult your intelligence and pretend that I have some amazing insight into femininity now. This was all very superficial and on the periphery but even at that it showed me that women’s experiences are very, different from guys and guys could do well to walk a mile in a woman’s shoes, even as just a simple mental exercise."

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    • @levantine99 That has nothing to do with basic communication, which is a taught skill. Again, your experiences may be different, but we can communicate them.

      @DamnMan Exactly my point, I can only repeat what a man tells me by trying to understand his perspective. I can't put on a suit and pretend that now I have a better insight into why you look at women. That's not how it works. Same with this guy. He would have benefitted more from talking to women than from his little experiment, if understanding women is the point.

    • it wasn't the point obviously just a byproduct of his confused little journey. but its as you said, wearing a suit doesn't make you a man, and getting it up the ass doesn't make you a woman. he'd still need the X chromosomes, and the different brain wiring, and hormones, and womb and ovaries and all. which he can't possibly attain obviously.

  • I relate to your post very much, i feel like this all the time as a woman, I'm very small and it is a scary to be in the position of vulnerability with a guy especially when you don't completely know their intentions, and also when you love sex as much as i do and don't want a serious boyfriend.

    It also is a full time job to be in shape (lost 25lbs-very proud, workout 5x a week), look good (spray tan, lashes, manis, pedis, hair extensions, lash extensions all while just bring flirty building tease and attraction) all while having a good career and making my own money!

    Quite honestly I prefer dating a sugar daddy over the typical tinder date, because you pretty much you know right off the bat what his intentions are and what you are getting from the relationship, and as sick as it sounds I feel more respected from them (the irony is outrageous). I can't tell you how many tinder guys reach out to me with the idea that a movie at their house for a first date is normal (seriously wtf is wrong with you IT'S NOT NORMAL!!!)

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  • Is it just me? Or does it seem like more straight men are having sexual with men but still calling themselves straight? As if they aren't gay?

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    • I can't call those people hetero sexual. At the very least they are bi.

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    • he never claimed to be straight. he claimed himself as bisexual which is a real thing.

    • No, thats just the same as it used to be. Only a minority of men do that and they are all gay or bi

  • Cool take...
    I am bi curious and just this year I started to actively seek it and in some ways, I get guy's frustration with us 😂
    Anw I still haven't tried anthng cause it didn't work out with that girl but as soon as my break starts I am gonna try again and out myself out there more.
    But I also seek a romantic connection, it s never gonna be just sex for me I need gains and a connection

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  • Nice Take!
    It was original and you didn't pretend you know what's like to be a woman. You only admitted that you just have a better idea of what means to be a woman now.
    There aren't many guys who would do what you did and talk about it. And I think that makes you different.

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  • I don't really read myTakes, but I accidentally read this one and I'm glad I did.

    Many of the things you said are very insightful and something guys should think about.
    Not because it's necessary for them to sleep with other guys or do what you did, but think how it is from another perspective.

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  • Thank you for sharing this. It's really interesting to hear it from your point of view. Yeah, guys really don't get how physically vulnerable it is to have sex as a woman. I can't say that "world of opportunity" from a sugar daddy is anything I ever had offfered or even thought I could have, but it's a very interesting insight.

    Thanks again.

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  • I wish I had the guts you obviously have...
    I'm a little bicurious and I just don't have the courage to do anything about it.
    BUT, anyways your article has to be the most interesting thing I've ever read on here. 😁

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    • This has nothing to do with courage lol.
      Why would you want to do the same? Do you also, as this poor guy, want to end up as a slut and a whore with 0 self respect and love?

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    • Well, you are 16, you have plenty of time to gain that courage.
      College is a good place to start.

    • @zzzondarrr not even close to what happened nor what she said but cool bro

  • Great article!
    I love your point of view and that you've been able to glimpse into a woman's world... If this doesn't change a guy's perspective on women and the decisions they make... I don't know what will.

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    • It showed me what I always suspected , that women are afraid of us because so many of us are psychopaths. I always wondered what the psychos I've worked with over the years were doing with women to give us the reputation we have. The one girl talking about weird fucking dudes loosing it during sex sounds about right, I've known men that were probably like that, emotionally clumsy and stupid sometimes not very bright intellectually either. Yet women are programmed to pick out the biggest toughest even meanest guys to protect them and their kids from the dangers outside the home, kind of a prison bitch world they live in seems like.

  • Very interesting read! I'm glad you were happy to share this experience. Being a woman can be tough lol I'm straight but the idea of having sex with a girl intrigued me so I tried it. Once. Did not like it. I might try it again but I'll just stick with my one guy for now

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  • Wow this is a highly thought provoking myTake. Your experiences brought you closer to understanding a woman's mind and heart in the modern world. This myTake really exhibits the difference between men and women.
    Thank you for sharing!

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  • Thank you for this post. It really touched my heart. I wish more guys were more understanding. When I was young and I mean in my middle teens. I would sleep with some of the guys I went out with because I was afraid to say "NO" to them so I would take control over the whole sexual experience because I wanted to be the one in control and I was afraid of being raped by certain guys. If I said yes and started everything after the making out I wouldn't have to say NO and fight that guy off of me and take a chance of being raped. Now I am dating once again and I am a lot older and don't put up with anything that I am uncomfortable with. But most men still want to be just sexual and no commitment to go with sex. Then I am called a prude by guys for not letting them kiss and feel all over me and if I do find a man that I am really interested in after talking and texting for a month or more and then go out with him, and I choose to have sex then I am easy and not worth their time anymore. I mean guys out there get it together for once and don't judge others on what you yourselves do.

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  • This actually is rather interesting- I never thought of things that way. Good you gained some experiences you deem valuable.
    Just keep in mind this still doesn't apply to every female walking the earth out there.

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  • It is just so understandable problem that every girl doesn't really think to much about until it's happening. But it is so true that people can't judge unless they have experienced it first-hand.

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  • This was a good read. Usually don't get this type of stuff from a male's perspective so kudos to you for sharing your story.

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  • Lol, I've saw people write stuff like " Wow how interesting" or "Yeah" just to get 1 Xper. Like people really...

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  • The subject is always about what is best but never about respect. Hetero is the best. And I think the subject about who is the best is to have first authority. And Jesus has to do with authority with his competitive christ Maitreya.
    Like Delhi wants to win from Rome over the first place of power.
    Rome gives it just away to Delhi.
    Rome made in the past a deal with Atilla.
    So it is not about having an opinion. Science is used to prove what we please to seen as prove to prove who is the right authority. But will gay win as authority? Or do gay lose their property and are fooled?

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  • I enjoyed this story. I hope some men out there understand the female role a bit better now.

    I just want to emphasize on how you saw hot girls as more than objects. I love this part. Many men struggle doing just that, and I want to know why. Hot girls are people just like an average guy. They don't have butterflies and unicorns in their brain. They have the exact same things in their mind, maybe other interests but they have the same or similar rationale and sense of humor.

    Hopefully this will change in the future.

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  • Yasss, I love these stories of yours. Usually stuff like this never grabs my attention and fully keeps it--but this one did.

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  • interesting story but you learnt about yourself as a bottom during sex, who wears some make up.

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What Guys Said 46

  • Very interesting take.

    While I'm not bi myself, I think some guys could learn a lot from reading this : specifically things like "He was clean, smelled good, had a nice body and was well groomed. Basically what 80% of the other guys failed to be able to do. Poor hygiene, bad breath, wearing socks while having sex,"

    You repeat a lot of the lessons that young guys seem reluctant to learn or believe when they hear it from women.

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  • What a load of crap, you put yourself in a position to get used and you were used.

    I drives me up the wall to hear people like you whine about something they have done, trying to deflect their choices instead of just accepting responsibility for the consequence of their own actions.

    No one forced you to do anything, no one took advantage of you. Every situation you found yourself in, was because you made the choice to be a part of that situation.

    You felt like a piece of meat, well you went out and bent over by your own choice. You were not looking for a connection, you were looking to get laid. Now you want to cry, not one of them cared about me.

    Just grow up, take responsibility for your actions.

    I know guys that have been made to feel like a piece of meat by women, so lets get off the victim ride can we. People of both genders can and are users, if you put yourself out to be used don't cry when someone uses you.

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  • Very interesting myTake, this is my first time hearing that perspective! I'm bi as well, but a top. The one thing that I noticed being especially true is being able to form genuine friendships with women. One of my best friends right now is a female, and I don't think that friendship would've had the possibility of blossoming if I wasn't dating a man/ not able to date her. I more than likely would've done something stupid to try and sleep with her and ruined it 😂

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  • I was gonna say something funny like " ha gayyy" but after reading this i feel completely disguisted..

    You didn't just go bi or gay, you went complete hoe mode.
    Like was it like a vicious circle thing where the more you get f*cked the less respect you have for yourself and the less respect you have for self , the more you get fucked? Or did you have zero self respect to begin with?

    Go get an std test or something, this was beyond stupid.

    And you put yourself in a woman's shoes ( a very slutty one's) , but that doesn't mean you can get her mentality.
    A man can't really ever understand how a womans mind works and vice versa. You just got a different perspective regarding sexuality and what comes with it.

    However, at the loss of your manhood, honour and dignity.
    wouldn't say it was worth it

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  • Either this take is good or you're lying,
    I don't know but i feel like you made that up.

    I seriously do.

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  • naa i ain't doing that not even to understand im strictly heterosexual interesting read though but not something i would ever do

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  • Somehow having some guy thrust his penis in my ass is something that I have absolutely no interest in. But this is interesting from a social perspective.

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  • Very interesting perspective. I never imagined that a guy could actually put himself in girl's shoes temporarily and you did it. I'm sure it was a unique experience for you and actually you gave nice insights.

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  • Question.

    During the year with being with all of these different men how many of them did you actually get loaded and laid with and where they wearing condoms or going "Bare Back"?

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  • This was one of the most interesting MyTakes I have read. Ever. Good job!

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  • Dude... im sorta neutral.. took me a while to get the whole "you are on the female side gay"... but this was umm... quite explicit. Im only mad at two things... one, you should have written as yourself, fuck whomever judges you. You fucking had fun and they are just mad.
    Two... Dude you blew this shit out of the water when you said that being wanted for sex by a willing party can open doors... omg... so fucking true. and this is what you experienced in a short amount of time... women LIVE with this shit their whole LIFE... but they still bitch and moan.

    I guess i don't have to do the research on this one. I think you have completed the experience for me. Ima write about this in Diesel's Rants

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    • i dont want to use sex to get to my boss and be a ceo one day. i want to get there because i deserve the title and worked for it. using sex to get there is cheating. just because somthing can open doors doesn't mean it should. i can use two bobby pins o unlock my mothers drawer, doesn't mean i should.

    • @DaddysGirl18 Spoken like a person with some kinda dignity/integrity/moral... BUT you are just one person. What about the Billions more who don't?
      You know, just like how guys are raised, and mom says you have to be a gentleman to all women, then you walk out into the scene as that stereotypical "nice guy" just to get fucking shit on, because they want the Jock who is an asshole.

  • Interesting read. Wouldn't have imagined how hooking up with men teaches one about women. I can never, however, walk a step, not to mention a mile, in another woman's shoes. The simple reason is, I'm not a woman.

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  • I was surprised by how interesting I found your MyTake. It was a very original glimpse of the male/female dynamic, albeit, as you pointed out, necessarily superficial.

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  • Interesting, but most of all insightful.

    I've been curious about guys myself for a few years. Although I don't thinking could ever hook up, let alone date one, I'd probably just flirt or kiss.

    But yeah. This was nice read. Good for you.

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  • This Mytake sounded like 50 Shades of Grey minus the being taken advantage of part. Interesting read as I guess you got to see how the opposite sex experiences relationships and even get to enjoy the lifestyle as well.

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  • Interesting, Would you say it's easier being in the "male" role (ie. dominant, make the first move, sugar daddy) or the "female" role (vulnerable, submissive, sugar baby)?

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  • This MyTake really gave me a new perspective on the dating life/sexual life so thank you for that.

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  • I can't read this without the urge of throwing up sry. I survided the first phrase

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  • Pretty interesting stuff there. Not into any of it myself but it was an original take, I haven't read another one quite like it.

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  • You insights are pretty good. You are willing to say a lot of stuff women aren't willing to say and a lot of stuff the guys wouldn't admit.

    For guys, we are desperate for the hook ups but we are always careful with the life long partner. That's why some of us are willing to cough out the dough for hook ups and arm length relationship. Pathetic? Not really, it just reality.

    For women, even though everyone denies it. They can't help admiring the glamour lifestyle. Rich and a gentleman? Oh that would knock a lot of girls off their heels. Not as a life long partner but definitely alright with fun and sex.

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