The Year I Spent Hooking Up With Guys Taught Me SO Much About Women

[Anonymous]

I am a bisexual guy who around this time last year, began dating men or more accurately, hooking up with men and my experiences taught me SO much about women and helped me have more empathy for the opposite sex. I have always had these bisexual feelings but never acted on them until last year.

Two things changed. I was single and just out of a LTR and I got a job that required relocating to a new city every few months. I decided that this was the time to find out what guys were like. Full disclaimer, I wasn’t really looking to date guys, I never really felt romantically that way for a guy. I was open to it but it just never happened and I just never felt the urge. So I basically started looking for hookups. I also quickly realized that I did not like the gay scene, either in bars or with OLD (Online Dating). I was open to it, it just wasn’t working out. Maybe it was too much radical change, too fast. This was a whole community and a whole lifestyle I guess, that I knew nothing about and honestly many were not that accepting of bisexuals!

I realized that I pretty much prefer sex with guys in the “female” role I guess, receiving, not pitching so I was actually able to hook up with guys who considered themselves straight but would fuck a guy on occasion, if they were horny and it wasn’t reciprocal. This was the majority of my experiences. So.. as such, I was hooking up with many of the same guys that women hook up with or date and I learned a lot about women and what they experience that was very, eye-opening to me! It helped me understand and empathize with them and I HOPE it makes me a better boyfriend or husband in the future!

First observation. It is REALLY a vulnerable feeling to be on the receiving end of sex! I had strap-on sex with a girlfriend before but she was about 5’2, petite and was very tentative and cautious. A real penis with a real guy attached, who is in many cases bigger and stronger is a whole different world! I never really associated intimidation and even fear with sex before. I’m placing myself in this very vulnerable position, mentally and psychologically and when the guy is in the middle of the act, in the throes of sex… I’m not quite sure if he’d slow down or stop if I wanted him to at that point. Some guys get really aggressive during sex, not abusive but more dominant and physical. I never had an issue but it was a big difference between what sex with women is like and I now understand why women might not be as eager to jump into the sack as quickly as guys. They have more to consider.

I had at least one experience that surprised me and taught me something I never knew about myself and still don’t really understand. I met a guy who was basically an ass. Rude, complete narcissist, basically a person you would seek to avoid in any other circumstance. Anyway, I nearly called off the encounter but decided to stick it out because a female friend warned me he was an ass but was also great in bed and I had a previous series of duds sooo… We did it.

I basically realized that I was just being used like a sex toy after awhile, like a means for him to get off without any consideration or really even acknowledgement of me. What surprised me is that this was turning me ON! I was being moved into different positions by him like he was giving his penis a workout and I was just a means to that end. He’d do things no one else ever did like sit on my face and have me kiss his butt while he called me a good little slut and again, I was turned on. So that was strange because I never thought I’d be turned on by being dominated like that or playing the role of a slut who is just there to please him. Before this, I’ve always wondered why otherwise normal women would be turned on by things like Fifty Shades of Grey or be sexually attracted to “bad boys” or jerks who treat them with no respect. Now that I’ve experienced it.. I don’t totally understand it but I can be more empathetic.

There was lots of bad sex too. Most of it was bad, honestly. Maybe that’s part of why I was so obsessed with the asshole guy I just mentioned, because he was actually really good at sex, had a beautiful penis that worked well, and knew how to use it. He was clean, smelled good, had a nice body and was well groomed. Basically what 80% of the other guys failed to be able to do. Poor hygiene, bad breath, wearing socks while having sex, finishing far too quickly or unable to finish at all. Many guys just were not that good at it would end up being a disappointment. Even one guy with a huge cock! It was fun to see the thing up close at first but sucking it just makes your jaw hurt quickly and there is really no way I’d have something that big inside me so I basically gave him a handjob.

During this time, I also began lightly experimenting with makeup. Not to look like Caitlyn Jenner or some guy in drag but to even out my complexion and just look better. No one knew I was wearing anything, it was really subtle. Well… no GUYS ever picked up on it, a few women did but they are more
attuned to it and every one of them complemented me on it. I had a very minor regimen but even at that, I was surprised at how expensive it could be an how much time it could take to properly clean your skin, exfoliate and then apply the product. I’d do a fraction of what most girls do so I can really
appreciate the time and effort now!! I also started doing things like getting mani-pedis, occasional facials and buying more stylish clothes. Again….Time and Money!! As a guy who used to use a combo bodywash/shampoo and wear jeans and Tshirts. This was a brave new world!

Another experience that I had was for a period of about a month, I actually had a male/male sugar daddy relationship with an older businessman. I did not go looking for this nor did I expect that it was something I’d ever do, I just fell into it and was surprised at how easy it was and I got a taste of how much power there is when you are on the side of the sexual dynamic that is offering sex to an eager party. I was utterly amazed at how opportunities would open up and entire lifestyles and social circles that were unreachable before could become accessible simply with the promise of sex. Again.. I was just an average guy and I had a mind blowing experience. I can only IMAGINE what opportunities there are for a young woman in her sexual prime with most of the male population vying for her attention! Even if you could not bring yourself to do this sort of thing (and honestly, I never thought I would) the temptation must be huge! So.. I was basically sitting at a bar one night playing with a hookup app when an older businessman strikes up a conversation and eventually buys me a drink. He eventually offers to show me around the city and I agree.

Long story short, we ended up in bed in his amazing suite overlooking the city after an amazing meal. I realize that he basically kept getting me to agree a drink first, then a walk, then a meal and before I knew it, he had me! You keep tasting more and more of that world and you don’t want it to stop. He was charming as well and made it seem like nothing, which it was to him because he was so rich. So pretty soon I am hooked and I keep telling myself I’ll end it soon, just one more time! I had vacation time from work and got to go on a trip to another city with him, all high end hotels, restaurants, shopping. He was easy to please sexually too, was never abusive. I found out he was married but that his wife totally approved of this so long as the guys were not exclusive. Meaning he could not see any guy longer than a month. I was relieved and also a bit disappointed and I flirted with finding someone else to do this with but never did. I actually got to meet his wife too! Very pretty woman! She said that she lets him do this and feels better about him seeing guys instead of girls. She took me out to lunch and she told me that she liked me more than any of the other guys he’s seen but their rule was that it could not continue endlessly. I told her I understood and was both relieved but disappointed too.

Another revelation was simply having female friends that I was not looking at as sexual possibilities! I met a very attractive woman who in the past, I’d be thinking constantly about how I could impress her or get into her pants and instead we bonded over makeup! She saw me fumbling around in Sephora in the mall like I was completely lost and we struck up a friendship. It was refreshing that I could see this person as more than just a hot girl! I noticed for the first time how so many men would openly gape, gawk and say the stupidest things to get her attention. I got to learn that she was had lots of interests and was studying to be a graphic designer in her spare time. She only managed to attract a series of losers and players or guys she’d intimidate too much with her beauty and they’d walk on eggshells around her.

So basically, I am winding this life experience down a bit and thinking of dating women again. It’s been really eye opening what women experience when dealing with men, with the sexual power that comes from offering sex and with the amount of time, money and effort that goes into looking good.

I’m not going to insult your intelligence and pretend that I have some amazing insight into femininity now. This was all very superficial and on the periphery but even at that it showed me that women’s experiences are very, different from guys and guys could do well to walk a mile in a woman’s shoes, even as just a simple mental exercise.

[ManOnFire]

WOW. Very new Take, I'll say that. Your experience is pretty interesting, although I would say there are women who've slept with or experimented with other women, and have the same perspective you had on what it was like to sleep with the same sex. A girl I know personally tried women a while back and she thought that was WORSE than sex or dating with men. And that's not the first time I've heard a woman express dissatisfaction with their own gender after trying. So I think it's glamorized more than maybe is the real case.

I think maybe the thing is understanding that there are always terrible people to date or sleep with, even for guys doing it with women. We've all met our disappointments, trust me. I think a deep truth is that most people are not really meant to be good for us, but it's the very few individuals or even just 'the one' that we can really love or have a good time with.

[Anonymous]

I enjoyed this take very much.
It's a new perspective and not something I've seen before, original.
Nice job.
If you're comfortable with it I'd like to discuss further but not publicly. If you'd rather not, I get it.
Again, good take. 😉👍🏻

[Felicia5567]

I'm glad you had a good experience, but it's also frustrating that men feel like they have to do these experiments instead of just believing women. Also, being bi and sleeping with men while still being male has nothing to do with being a woman. I have many gay friends, and they are still masculine and do not face the same issues in society, not do they experience life the same way.

If you really want to know what women experience, talk to a woman.

[gregtaylor]

Why so confrontational? He explicitly acknowledged your point: "I’m not going to insult your intelligence and pretend that I have some amazing insight into femininity now. This was all very superficial and on the periphery but even at that it showed me that women’s experiences are very, different from guys and guys could do well to walk a mile in a woman’s shoes, even as just a simple mental exercise."

[Felicia5567]

@gregtaylor Because it is frustrating that women have been saying this for years, but somehow it's a revelation for him now, and he has to try and emulate an experience he will never have in order to take it seriously. It plays into this narrative that points are to be taken more seriously when they come from a man. He did not walk a mile in woman's shoes. I don't pretend to know what it's like to be a man by going bowling with the guys or something, I ask a man what his experience is and take him seriously.

[DamnMan]

To be fair, men can't understand women, men and women speak different languages even in the same language. So having a dude who explain a women's position to the BEST of his understanding is helpful and I congratulate him for doing so.

[DaddysGirl18]

talking and hearing an experience and actually living it are vastly different. if i told my sister what its like to give birth even though she has never given birth and i have it would not remotely glean the surface of what it is actually like.

[Felicia5567]

@DamnMan the think is, he didn't have a woman's experience. You have to be a woman to have a woman's experience. He can have a gay experience, he can have a crossdressing experience, but not a woman's experience. Because he's not a woman. What he experienced, to me, doesn't sound at all like my experiences as a woman. So why would you take his word over actual women? We don't speak different languages. You just gotta listen and show empathy.

[Felicia5567]

the thing is*

[DamnMan]

"We don't speak different languages. You just gotta listen and show empathy." Like I said, the sexes cannot understand each other fully. I don't care how much someone explains, it takes actually living it to get true experience, and I'm not becoming a woman anytime soon. lol honestly, I do NOT need to understand you, just treat you well and make sure you treat me well. That's how it's been done for all of mankind, so it works. lol.

[Felicia5567]

@DamnMan Right, but don't pretend like a man explaining a woman's experience would be any more helpful than a woman explaining it. He doesn't have the experience. He makes assumptions. He had a queer experience, not a female experience, so stop applauding him for pretending it's the same.

[DamnMan]

Ain't pretending it's the same. I just like the insight, even if it's not 100% accurate. It's better than nothing, tbh. Also, I don't think the dude said he's trying to speak for women, just has an idea. It's cool though

[levantine99]

we speak different languages he is right. but we don't have to make logical sense to each other. cause our brain wiring, hormones and chemicals are different. women have to learn what makes men tick and calm down and vice versa. also differences are less obvious on a spiritual path. humans communicate on another level there.

[Felicia5567]

@DamnMan Better than nothing? I'm sorry, I'm not trying to fight you, this just happens so often and it's really frustrating. You don't have nothing, you have hundreds and thousands of blog posts and videos where women explain their experiences. Why do you count their experiences as nothing? It's like when women say delivering a baby hurts and people don't believe it until a guy puts on one of those simulators. Why can't you just believe the women who were saying it all along? Why does a guy's voice have more authority on a subject he know literally nothing about other than what women told him? So sure, his experience can be interesting as the experience of a queer man, but it's 0% accurate in terms of female experience, because he is not a woman.

[Felicia5567]

@levantine99 We don't, that's just a lazy stereotype. We have different experiences, but men are just as capable of empathy and direct communication as women are.

[levantine99]

noone gets noone. its not a mental achievement but a spiritual state. this empathy. but i won't get into a philosophical debate here.

[Felicia5567]

@levantine99 If you think no individual can understand another individual, then cool, that's your position. But that's a different statement than men and women can't understand each other, which presumes groups thinking an inherent gender barriers.

[Felicia5567]

*and

[DamnMan]

So wait, you mean you can tell me why men looks at girls while in relationships? Or why I like the female body? Or why I can separate a piece of ass from the love of my life? Cuz from the girls I talked to, they can't. lol

[levantine99]

@DamnMan setimentally no we are not born human males. but theoretically yes, its your brain structure. sa it is in our brain structure to cultivate vanity and obsess over our looks. thats like a literal finding of neurology. and when you know stuff like that your judgment over people becomes much more mild, cause you know you can't judge them for their very nature.

[levantine99]

@DamnMan and nature is created wisely. men want to impregnate fertile fresh females, and females be protected by a strong mate that will secure their offsprings. men are visual so women are programmed to care for their looks. everything makes sense and is there for a purpose.

[DamnMan]

@levantine99 Well, at least, you get it. High Five!!! lol

[Felicia5567]

@levantine99 That has nothing to do with basic communication, which is a taught skill. Again, your experiences may be different, but we can communicate them. @DamnMan Exactly my point, I can only repeat what a man tells me by trying to understand his perspective. I can't put on a suit and pretend that now I have a better insight into why you look at women. That's not how it works. Same with this guy. He would have benefitted more from talking to women than from his little experiment, if understanding women is the point.

[levantine99]

it wasn't the point obviously just a byproduct of his confused little journey. but its as you said, wearing a suit doesn't make you a man, and getting it up the ass doesn't make you a woman. he'd still need the X chromosomes, and the different brain wiring, and hormones, and womb and ovaries and all. which he can't possibly attain obviously.

[honesty321]

The subject is always about what is best but never about respect. Hetero is the best. And I think the subject about who is the best is to have first authority. And Jesus has to do with authority with his competitive christ Maitreya.
Like Delhi wants to win from Rome over the first place of power.
Rome gives it just away to Delhi.
Rome made in the past a deal with Atilla.
So it is not about having an opinion. Science is used to prove what we please to seen as prove to prove who is the right authority. But will gay win as authority? Or do gay lose their property and are fooled?

[DaddysGirl18]

that made very little sense

[Beckz0811]

I relate to your post very much, i feel like this all the time as a woman, I'm very small and it is a scary to be in the position of vulnerability with a guy especially when you don't completely know their intentions, and also when you love sex as much as i do and don't want a serious boyfriend.

It also is a full time job to be in shape (lost 25lbs-very proud, workout 5x a week), look good (spray tan, lashes, manis, pedis, hair extensions, lash extensions all while just bring flirty building tease and attraction) all while having a good career and making my own money!

Quite honestly I prefer dating a sugar daddy over the typical tinder date, because you pretty much you know right off the bat what his intentions are and what you are getting from the relationship, and as sick as it sounds I feel more respected from them (the irony is outrageous). I can't tell you how many tinder guys reach out to me with the idea that a movie at their house for a first date is normal (seriously wtf is wrong with you IT'S NOT NORMAL!!!)

[nothingtosee]

I find you very interesting. I would love to know more about you. If you're interested in exchanging some emails, feel free to reach me at nothingtosee@yahoo. com

[Makeuphoarder]

Is it just me? Or does it seem like more straight men are having sexual with men but still calling themselves straight? As if they aren't gay?

[Unit1]

I can't call those people hetero sexual. At the very least they are bi.

[DamnMan]

Yeah, that shit is gay.

[DaddysGirl18]

he never claimed to be straight. he claimed himself as bisexual which is a real thing.

[lord_chilled]

No, thats just the same as it used to be. Only a minority of men do that and they are all gay or bi

[SoulmateWanted]

I wish I had the guts you obviously have...
I'm a little bicurious and I just don't have the courage to do anything about it.
BUT, anyways your article has to be the most interesting thing I've ever read on here. 😁

[zzzondarrr]

This has nothing to do with courage lol. Why would you want to do the same? Do you also, as this poor guy, want to end up as a slut and a whore with 0 self respect and love?

[SoulmateWanted]

@zzzondarrr 😄😅 f off. 😆👍

[DamnMan]

Well, you are 16, you have plenty of time to gain that courage. College is a good place to start.

[DaddysGirl18]

@zzzondarrr not even close to what happened nor what she said but cool bro

[TwinCKI]

This MyTake really gave me a new perspective on the dating life/sexual life so thank you for that.

[Tdieseler]

Dude... im sorta neutral.. took me a while to get the whole "you are on the female side gay"... but this was umm... quite explicit. Im only mad at two things... one, you should have written as yourself, fuck whomever judges you. You fucking had fun and they are just mad.
Two... Dude you blew this shit out of the water when you said that being wanted for sex by a willing party can open doors... omg... so fucking true. and this is what you experienced in a short amount of time... women LIVE with this shit their whole LIFE... but they still bitch and moan.

I guess i don't have to do the research on this one. I think you have completed the experience for me. Ima write about this in Diesel's Rants

[DaddysGirl18]

i dont want to use sex to get to my boss and be a ceo one day. i want to get there because i deserve the title and worked for it. using sex to get there is cheating. just because somthing can open doors doesn't mean it should. i can use two bobby pins o unlock my mothers drawer, doesn't mean i should.

[Tdieseler]

@DaddysGirl18 Spoken like a person with some kinda dignity/integrity/moral... BUT you are just one person. What about the Billions more who don't? You know, just like how guys are raised, and mom says you have to be a gentleman to all women, then you walk out into the scene as that stereotypical "nice guy" just to get fucking shit on, because they want the Jock who is an asshole.

[skywardprincess]

Very interesting read! I'm glad you were happy to share this experience. Being a woman can be tough lol I'm straight but the idea of having sex with a girl intrigued me so I tried it. Once. Did not like it. I might try it again but I'll just stick with my one guy for now

[CreativeMumble]

I don't really read myTakes, but I accidentally read this one and I'm glad I did.

Many of the things you said are very insightful and something guys should think about.
Not because it's necessary for them to sleep with other guys or do what you did, but think how it is from another perspective.

[Purple_Babe14]

Lol, I've saw people write stuff like " Wow how interesting" or "Yeah" just to get 1 Xper. Like people really...

[Political_dude]

* 5 xper

[Purple_Babe14]

@Political_dude huh, I got 7.

[BigRayFromNC]

Question.

During the year with being with all of these different men how many of them did you actually get loaded and laid with and where they wearing condoms or going "Bare Back"?

[rockhaha]

It is just so understandable problem that every girl doesn't really think to much about until it's happening. But it is so true that people can't judge unless they have experienced it first-hand.

[Analinda1999]

interesting story but you learnt about yourself as a bottom during sex, who wears some make up.

[Omega_brie]

Which means he learned a little bit about what it's like to be a woman.

[lord_chilled]

@Omega_brie no, not at all. A man with makeup getting fucked =\= a woman. He never got a clue

[menina]

Nice Take!
It was original and you didn't pretend you know what's like to be a woman. You only admitted that you just have a better idea of what means to be a woman now.
There aren't many guys who would do what you did and talk about it. And I think that makes you different.

[LittleSally]

Great article!
I love your point of view and that you've been able to glimpse into a woman's world... If this doesn't change a guy's perspective on women and the decisions they make... I don't know what will.

[PaulMarrow]

It showed me what I always suspected , that women are afraid of us because so many of us are psychopaths. I always wondered what the psychos I've worked with over the years were doing with women to give us the reputation we have. The one girl talking about weird fucking dudes loosing it during sex sounds about right, I've known men that were probably like that, emotionally clumsy and stupid sometimes not very bright intellectually either. Yet women are programmed to pick out the biggest toughest even meanest guys to protect them and their kids from the dangers outside the home, kind of a prison bitch world they live in seems like.

[Lopezz1999]

Wow.. very interesting!

[michellebrown48]

best mytake in a while, nice one

[errorgoodnameunfound]

This was one of the most interesting MyTakes I have read. Ever. Good job!

[Belgie]

Very interesting take.

While I'm not bi myself, I think some guys could learn a lot from reading this : specifically things like "He was clean, smelled good, had a nice body and was well groomed. Basically what 80% of the other guys failed to be able to do. Poor hygiene, bad breath, wearing socks while having sex,"

You repeat a lot of the lessons that young guys seem reluctant to learn or believe when they hear it from women.

[Lonerguy1234]

Thank you for pointing that out. I'll fix it.

[Belgie]

@Lonerguy1234 Nothing to fix.

[silverqueen]

I enjoyed this story. I hope some men out there understand the female role a bit better now.

I just want to emphasize on how you saw hot girls as more than objects. I love this part. Many men struggle doing just that, and I want to know why. Hot girls are people just like an average guy. They don't have butterflies and unicorns in their brain. They have the exact same things in their mind, maybe other interests but they have the same or similar rationale and sense of humor.

Hopefully this will change in the future.

[DamnMan]

What you said, is beautiful.

[Tdieseler]

Where are THOSE girls? And i understand women enough to stay away.

[turnpost]

"Many men struggle doing just that, and I want to know why." because like 80% of men just dont have the goods. Bald, small penis, small height, small wage, or ugly, unemployed, fat unmuscular compared to bodybuilders who take steroids. Then there is a hot girl natural. And you wonder why most men feel inadequate? lol.

[nothingtosee]

I hope what I'm about to say doesn't come across wrong. I have discovered that "Hot" women are the worst to date. Why? Because they know they can have any man they want (sexually). Which means they will cheat on me every single time. I've also discovered that women who are "the girl next door" are better in bed and loyal.

[turnpost]

@nothingtosee Girls next door is literally the girl that can get any man she wants. Think in terms of lartners and realize a lot of the problems that girls have guys have to.