The Guide to Surviving Your Virginity

[Anonymous]

1. Stop whining about it

Do you want to know how other people know you're a virgin? Because you keep talking about it and whining incessantly about it and complaining about your status online to anyone who will listen. No one can look at you and know you're a virgin even if you stood their perfectly naked. Virgin status is like 0.0003% of your daily life. I'm not saying sex doesn't have value, but in terms of all the parts of you that make you, you and what other people see in you---this isn't exactly top tier. So take a f'in chill pill and relax about STILLLLLLLL being a virgin. It'll happen when it happens, and when it does, don't expect a parade because most people, you'll find on the other side, don't care. They are worried about themselves, not whether or not you're still a virgin.

2. Learn to pleasure yourself

While you wait, you might as well have some fun. Learning NOW what you like and what feels good, can potentially help you on down the road when it comes to doing the deed. Whether you do this with your good old hands or you buy a few fun toys to explore, do take the time to explore and have fun. Bonus, masturbation is known to be a big reliever of stress, so have at it.

3. Get a hobby

Seriously, if your days and nights as positively consumed with thoughts of your virginity, get a hobby, go on a vacation, find other ways to fulfill the hours in your day. Virginity isn't everything. Losing your virginity is just one part of so many other parts of your life.

4. Go meet people

In order to have sex, you do have to go out there and constantly meet people who might potentially want to have sex with you. If you stay by yourself, you don't actively go out, you don't try and approach anyone, you don't hang out where other people in your age range hang out, you are dramatically lessening the chance that you will ever have enough contact with someone who may potentially want to have sex with you. They aren't going to find you sitting at home alone watching Netflix. You do need to go out into the world and try and meet new people.

5. Be safe and ready

Just because you aren't yet having sex doesn't mean you shouldn't be prepared for it. Get your birth control worked out, make sure your bedroom is stocked with some non expired condoms and lube, make sure you've gotten a good clean bill of health from your doc, buy some decent sheets, and never have sex with someone who's status you don't know even if they claim to be a virgin. Better safe than sorry.

6. Set your expectations on reality

First times usually aren't the magical legends and fantasies that porn, the karma sutra, movies, and tv make them out to be. They are usually awkward because one or both of you have never done it before. If you are feeling pressured or rushed into having sex and you aren't really sure the other person actually cares anything about you, knows your name, or is putting you in an uncomfortable position, have it in your mind that you can say no, or stop, or decline before or during your first time or any time thereafter. You are the master of your body and if things aren't cool with you, stop immediately.

[TheIdeaOfLove]

Good take. It's not a big deal, being a virgin. Like you said, it'll happen when it happens.

[MlleCake]

Also: When a woman loses her virginity is is not supposed to hurt or cause bleeding. If anything you ever do sexually hurts, STOP. Some pain play is ok, but only on the outside of your body, not when you're attempting intercourse. Anyone who tells you it always hurts or has to hurt is DEAD WRONG. Don't ever believe anything else that person says about sex, forever!!! (ok, that was a little sarcastic.)

Also, re: Saying No. No is a complete answer, and no one owes you a reason or explanation for saying no. That may be frustrating. You'll get over it. AND if you didn't ask first, the answer is always NO.

[MlleCake]

Also, good, well organized Take. I think you hit on some great points.

[myTake Owner]

Thanks for your comments, but one correction. When a girl/woman loses her virginity, it can hurt and she can bleed but both are normal. If it's male/female sex, the hymen is being penetrated for the first time which can be a little painful and it can result in a bit of blood on the sheets. Everyone is different. Some don't bleed at all, some have already torn their hymen doing other activities, and still for others, because of their physiology, sex is going to be painful and may actually require surgical intervention down the road to correct issues. There is however a difference in just the mechanics of losing ones virginity and forcible pain caused by a partner who refuses to stop when you tell him to, or he is going too hard or fast for you---in that case, that would be an issue where you shouldn't be feeling pain and should be able to tell a partner to stop and he does.

[MlleCake]

It can hurt and it can bleed, but that is def. not normal. Most women never experience either. And no woman has to unless for some reason she has a very unusual hymen. (And before she becomes sexually active, she can go have a pelvic exam, baseline STD tests, update essential vaccinations like Gardasil, Hep A & B, Meningitis. Get on birthcontrol or at least discuss it. And have a doctor tell her what kind of hymen she has. 99% of time it will be lunar or anular on in some other way not needd to be torn. The reason women bleed and have pain is because: She is NOT aroused enough, she is not lubricated anough and/or she is not relaxed and she's clenching her vagina. The bleeding is most often caused by something other than hymenal perforation, and it would have been avoided if enough lube was used, and no one tried to rush things. Don't normalize this. It's not normal. It's a crime that anyone is taught bleeding and pain are normal.

[MlleCake]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUjq60Gskkw

https://youtu.be/1ikXim4wevc

https://youtu.be/9qFojO8WkpA

https://youtu.be/fBQnQTkhsq4

[myTake Owner]

Okay... so clearly, I needed to clarify this... it's normal in the sense that if one does bleed the first time, it would not be a cause for concern worthy of seeing your doctor or a surgeon. I'm not trying to normalize pain as you call it, I'm simply stating fact here. For the reasons you list, some first timers do in fact bleed and/or feel pain, but you only lose your virginity once, so it's not like you can go back and correct that after the fact.

[MlleCake]

True, but what WE (you and I) can do is insist on spreading the truth about pain and bleeding during first sexual intercourse so that fewer women have it happen.

[myTake Owner]

When it comes to health, women and men need to be informed of all possibilities, not just the good ones or perfect scenarios because what about the girl that does bleed, or does feel pain her first time? If you simply say to her before hand, it should feel good--- if it's not, she may freak out or think she's dying, rather than know that perhaps she wasn't relaxed enough or needed more lube or a gentler partner. Remember, not all girls/women have the benefits of having an educated and informative sex talk or they may live in a repressive society that simply does not talk about sex. This is not about me spreading misinformation and it's not sugar coating it to tell someone, you know 80 people won't bleed, but 20 will and you may be one of them... but that's okay, you're not broken, here's why that happened. Knowledge is power.

[myTake Owner]

Also, I might add, even if you use lube and are relaxed, every body is different and you may bleed regardless of taking preventative measures because of your personal anatomy or as stated, a partner who was a bit more rough. If it happens, one needs to know they aren't some type of sex failure or something is horribly wrong with them.

[MlleCake]

I really don't disagree with any of that. I am just saying the pain is not a given, and it can absolutely be prevented. I'm not trying to take away from your Take in any way, but rather to get more detailed about an aspect of it that I think men and women have a right to know. I think you are great for writing this. It touches on something I have been wanting to do a Take about. And this discussion has been illuminating.

[myTake Owner]

Well I hope you do write a take. Female sexuality in particular is such a taboo with so many people. It's the whole Madonna or the whore thing, where a girl can only be one or the other, but there is so much to sexuality that needs to be talked about and discussed from the pleasure to the health aspects of it, to pregnancy. Thanks for your comments, and have a great week.

[kap_nss]

At which age?

It isn't big deal being a virgin when you are 17 or 18. But it is a huge deal when you are 28 or over.

We can split the world into two groups. Those who consider sex really intimate and those who don't. As long as those into a group don't mess with those in the other, everything is fine. But in the real life they mix and it brings grief and sorrow.

If you are with those who are waiting for the "right person" just think about how it's going to be finding out that the "right person" you meet at 27 has been having sex during the las 12 years.

[myTake Owner]

Being a virgin is only a big deal if you make it into one. If it's all consuming and all you can think about, yes, you may need other avenues and hobbies to fulfill your days and nights because sex is NOT everything. Your life will not end and there are no medical issues associated with being an older virgin. As far your example, if a person is right for you, as you say, then that's it. Them being a virgin or not should not be the ultimate determining factor for whether you like them or not... but if it absolutely is for you, then guess what, they aren't actually the right person for you--and thus continue looking.

[kap_nss]

Well, that isn't what usually happen to people. You are talking about a really rare cases. But for most people out there being a virgin is an issue. For society, a virgin guy over 20 is a weirdo. And you can't change that no matter how many myTakes you write.

[myTake Owner]

Again, unless you are really putting your business out there, no one else can know by looking at you, that you are a virgin. The rest of the list is dealing with how to deal while you wait and how to find other things to fulfill your time other than obsess over ONE part of life. Honestly, look at this digital screen and tell me how many people in this world are remembered for not being a virgin anymore vs. those remembered for curing major disease, saving lives on the job, or for being the best friend to all who knew them. Where on those lists of the best people you know is their virgin not virgin status listed? My point is, yes, it can suck to "still be a virgin" at whatever age you deem it too old or what not to be one, but that is such a small part of life as a whole and if you let that consume you, you are missing out on so much more.

[kap_nss]

If you live in this world you can hardly get isolated from our society. You don't have a sign saying you are a virgin but your circle of friends is likely to know, or had a good idea, about it. Even if they don't know any conversation in a pub/bar with people 22 or over (friends) is going to include a lot of sexual talk. Everyone is going to talk and share their experiences. If you are there (I've been there) you are against the wall and you have three options: you shut up and with the time everyone is going to assume you are a virgin, you talk (lie) and you can say something wrong that's going to hit you are a virgin, or you can say you are a virgin. There is a huge social pressure and 95% of the guys can't just ignore it as you suggest. When you are a 25 years old virgin guy and you talk to a girl (as a friend) you will end up in a similar situation. She's been with her boyfriend for three years and she made comments that definitely confirm she's not a virgin. ...

[kap_nss]

... If she starts asking you questions you will be forced to confess your virginity. And you do it because you have no option. And she laughs at it. You feel like shit. She realizes she hurt you and starts apologizing. But there's no way to undo the damage to your self esteem. You talk as if in the real world the only thing that matters is your attitude. But the people around you affects you too.

[myTake Owner]

I wouldn't have written this take if I thought no one ever cared about being a virgin... but my point to you is literally, there is more to life IF you find yourself consumed by your virgin status. You will get no pity from me if you feel the only value you have as a human being in life is whether or not you are a virgin. Some people suck, I full acknowledge that, but NOT everyone is an a-hole when it comes to someone else being a virgin, and if you were to even imply that there is no one out there who would ever be kind or understanding is also total B. S. whether that's a friend, or someone you want to date/or have sex with. And yes, it is your attitude. When you let some a-holes decide how you're going to feel because of their stupid comments, they win and you lose yourself. I've been belittled and made fun of for a lot of things in my life, things I couldn't hide or just not talk about, but when I met a friend who had bigger problems in life than I did and I saw how he...

[myTake Owner]

... handled himself, it changed my outlook. Life is unfair sometimes, and it can be cruel to even the nicest people, but as with this list, there is so much more beyond your so called buddies giving you a hard time about if you had sex or not or some girls making fun of you. Maybe it's time to find people who actually care about you and respect your choices or you as a person. Maybe it's time to decide not to let their comments rule your life. Maybe it's time to find joy in other parts of life.

[kap_nss]

I can agree with you now that I'm 32. And you are kind of the same age. All you said is true for someone our age. Or should I say someone our age can handle this situation, ignoring cruel people, changing friends and such. But the thing is for getting to 28 as a virgin you go through all the previous ages. And when you are 20 you are not so strong (usually) as for ignoring your buddies. And it isn't only the direct bullying. It also about how everyone else behave. And end up adopting the same ideas, namely that being a male virgin at 25 sucks.

[myTake Owner]

Okay, so tell me: at 18 or 22 or 25 when these people were making fun of you, what choice did you have? What could you have possibly done to change their mindset or their attitude towards you? You don't get to be however old you are now without, as you admit yourself, going through some trials and tribulations. You get strong by getting through the hard bits, if you consider being a virgin difficult, that is. There is this terrible misconception that life is going to be easy and that no one should be allowed to hurt anyone else. We don't live in that world, and unfortunately if it's not your virgin status, it's your weight, your age, your gender, your education, etc. that some people latch on to and decide that they want to tear you down because of it. Your attitude at 22 or 102 is deciding for yourself, what your value is. It's not easy, it's not pleasant to have to deal with bullies, but you do as everyone else going through it has to.

[myTake Owner]

At some point, you will ask yourself, why did I give a f--k what these idiots thought or think of you? But in those moments, your choice is simply to deal with it because there is no other choice unless you are brave enough to find people who treat you with respect and don't care whether you are a virgin or not. Other than that, repeating over and over how unfair and cruel it is to be a male and be a virgin at 22---well, a) matter of personal opinion that it's a hardship and b) go back to those moments... what else could you have done back then to change the situation other than find new people to be around?

[kap_nss]

Get rid of your virginity, for example.

[myTake Owner]

That's if you can, but if that's not happening any time soon despite your best efforts, what are you going to do with that situation other than endure?

[kap_nss]

The thing is there is no "this isn't happening" because the only one stopping you from losing it is you. Anyone decided to lose it just loses it.

[myTake Owner]

Oh you know that, and a wo/man's ability to reject or say no. I don't think every person who is a virgin is one simply for lack of trying or self-esteem issues. Some feel the pressure hard, and more want to lose it just to ditch the title hanging over them, then actually want to have the experience, but if their actions aren't reciprocated.. other than become drugging rapists, they have no choice but to endure.

[kap_nss]

Rapist? Are you on drugs? Anyways, if you get rejected by one persone you try with another one, then another one, and soon you will find one that doesn't reject you.

[michellebrown48]

If you want to lose your virginity then..
just be a little more of a hoe! There's nothing wrong with being a slut. If people judge you then people judge you and fuck those assholes. Have sex if you want to and ONLY if YOU want to

[JudgmentDay]

I think the problem really is so much that people are virgins, but RATHER as @MarkRet had put it THERE ARE MOTHAFUCKIN' ASSHOLES out there who will make fun of a virgin, especially if it's a guy virgin. Happens everywhere, and this really should be considered sexual harassment. It's none of anybody else business if somebody is a virgin and has not had sex yet, or is an asexual, or simply just don't care or give a fuck about sex at all.

The day when people stop giving a fuck altogether about whether other people are virgins, things would be better altogether. Or enough anti-harassment regulations, policies and laws in place that provide strict punishments and fines as consequences to deter people (THE ASSHOLES) from ever discriminating and harassing somebody else for not having sex for whatever reason, all because WE ARE DIFFERENT than they are.

[JudgmentDay]

I think the problem really is *NOT* so much that people are virgins

[levantine99]

isn't a sign of a weak spirit to be bend by people's judgment?

[JimRSmith]

People stress far too much about this...

[MarkRet]

There's a lot of truth in this, but there actually ARE assholes out there who will make fun of a virgin, especially if it's a guy virgin. I know. I've been there, and I wasn't even SAYING anything about it at the time.

[Goochbreaker]

it's more than make fun of, it's shame from every angle imaginable...

[McJones]

There are assholes everywhere anyway, if a guy laughs at me for being a virgin, go ahead. Who is is the biggest loser, the guy that laughs at you being a virgin or the virgin himself?

[myTake Owner]

This is true, but mainly if you aren't open about your virgin status, no one knows and you also don't know if those that say they aren't virgins, really are telling the truth which is a bit ironic.

[MarkRet]

Long ago, when I was a virgin, I NEVER brought up the subject, as it was nobody's business. But there were people around me who MADE it their business. Even if you don't say anything, if you're not out getting some action, they just assume you're either a virgin, or a queer.

[Goochbreaker]

jup thas how i memba

[myTake Owner]

well... if you're a virgin, you are, or were, and so what? People get made fun of and bullied about just about everything. What were you going to do... just have sex because someone else thinks or thought it was the right time... for you? Geezus, I hope not. Other then try to have sex if you wanted to, there is nothing else you can or could do about your virgin status, other than accept it, and/or find better friends, and/or ignore the idiots.

[MarkRet]

That's pretty much what I did back then, try to ignore the idiots. Being a virgin wasn't a big deal to me, but the shit that I would get sometimes get would eat away at me. It would make me wonder if I was some kind of loser. I did a Take a while back called Virgin Shaming - My Story. The thing was, once I was no longer a virgin, the shaming shit stopped immediately. It was like I was now a member of 'the club'. They made a movie about a 40-year old virgin, but notice it was a guy. They wouldn't make a movie about a 40-year old virgin woman, because it wouldn't be near as funny.

[Tomblebee]

What would it be sad? The movie. How is it more funny for one gender?

[MarkRet]

@Tomblebee - It just IS funnier for one gender over the other (not funnier to ME personally). If a woman is a virgin later in life, she generally gets, "Ohh, you poor thing!" or "Well, good for you, girl!" If a guy is a virgin later in life, he's generally looked upon as either a loser, or the biggest joke in town. Hence, the movie 40-Year Old Virgin. If there ever were a movie made about a 40-Year old virgin woman, it would probably be some melodrama.

[Tomblebee]

Or a cheesy as crap romance tbh.

[shephardjhon]

"go out and meet people" vastly overestimates Introverts. Also overestimates free-time in some cases.
I live alone but go out on Fridays/Saturdays when I have some time. No one ever talks to me and I am too afraid to talk.

[myTake Owner]

Listen... if you stay completely alone and never ever go out, you CANNOT expect to have sex unless someone magically shows up on your doorstep, yes? You MAY however, even as an introvert, run into someone who is more extroverted who talks to you while you're out and about and finds you interesting if you can manage a bit of courage to speak to them back. And if your reality is, you simply don't have enough time to ever meet anyone---then that is your reality, but don't then turn around and blame the world for you not meeting anyone in that case as some do and try to make it seem like there is no one out there for you... no, you don't have time for anyone, so either make time or recognize the reality of your situation.

[kitty71]

The first on the list says dont rush to loose it "So take a f'in chill pill and relax about STILLLLLLLL being a virgin. It'll happen when it happens", I completely understand it but can you say that same thing to a lady in her mid 40s who still is a virgin? Like it happens when it happens? I doubt it

[readywriter]

Stop talking about it is good advise. Hobbies sounds corny at first but is a great way to occupy yourself and to meet people. Being safe is high priority. I like your 'Take'. There is value in being a virgin a mature age. First it often means you have excluded yourself from some very unattractive activity and thinking that only ages or make your lovable resume look bad. Depending on you it may also mean that you have a great view on life and people that is not groin orientated. very delightful and attractive. To me being a virgin means much more than not having had penetrating sex. Also looking around at what you professional contemplates do is important. If it is a golf kind of crowd, them=n take lessons and join in a foursome. Most sports all you need to to do is say you want to learn and men will show up trying to teach you all their bad habits. You have fun, you meet eligible men, you make work contacts. Anyway goog take.

[Unit1]

I didn't know surviving as a virgin needed a guide. Thanks for that.
www.laughaton.com/.../13891-40-year-old-virgin.jpg

[JudgmentDay]

It will take some time and it's different for everyone. Perhaps you're sex drive and sexual will completely fade away or fade away substantially like when you make it to your mid-30s and are still single and had never been kissed. And if you've been addicted and exposed to porn and jerked off chronically and frequently. It sure happened to me. But you'd have to be completely disillusioned and very jaded and cynical and perhaps nihilistic that nothing really matters, just do what you need to and want to. And then it's like meh. You become indifferent, sex, physical pleasures, blah, blah, meh. nothing new, nothing special anymore. And you'll stop caring altogether. But it's different for everyone, I can't guarantee that everyone will eventually lose all interest and desires in all of those things and realize they're just there as another bunch of coping mechanisms like pretty much anything and everything else.

[JudgmentDay]

*your* sex drive

[Unit1]

@JudgmentDay it's pretty impossible to do that since we are sexual creatures. More so if you get jealous and are so young. I also feel mother nature designing us to break faster if we fail to reproduce. I don't know how exactly but it does feel like dying on the inside. But life is life. 🤔 It's coming full of miseries in a constant stream.

[JudgmentDay]

@Unit1 I once had jealousy too but then the nihilism I fell into changed everything, it's all like meh, I don't give a fuck if somebody else has whomever or whatever I don't have, instead to me, it's like the more that you own and have the more you'll eventually end up losing in the end, simply because you can lose someone and something once you have it. Just give it time, at least another 10 plus years. The more you remind yourself it's all fallacies and delusions the sooner you'll stop giving a fuck altogether about all those things. I think it's because you could be holding back, you really want sex and still want a relationship, always crave it and then can't get it and so you continue to feel miserable again and again and again, and you'll do what you have to do try and help cope with those miseries and pain. I also have other bigger worries which could also be the reason why all these desires and drive have greatly diminished, either that or my health issues might be factors.

[JudgmentDay]

@Unit1 I managed to just let those cravings go since I don't see any real point and that it's not special at all to me, not any more. We both know it's just there to ensure we survive as a species or rather postpone our species' inevitable end one day. Just wait, maybe they'll have technology that can help you greatly reduce those desires and cravings, if current methods and available coping mechanisms aren't enough. There are other ways you can kill those cravings and sex drive but it will put your health at risk, and it all comes down to are you willing to let it go and do what you can to diminish it enough to the point that you'll barely care and desire it anymore. I heard something about anaphrodisiac, and we both know antidepressants have some effects on greatly suppressing it, but use those at your own risk. But it's really down to you, either do something, try something. If I were in your shoes I'd do everything I can to eliminate it and render it as redundant as possible.

[Unit1]

@JudgmentDay Yeah, well, see you became stoic and hardened over the years. I'm young and on my prime and fertile and it's time to fertilize (not, that I want to have kids but you get the idea behind it with the nature involved). I have a very long way to go. It's like growing hard skin to be resilient to damage. Not easy and not really that pleasant but you'll be resilient. I can't seem to get this over with. At least not now.

[Commander_Red]

Lol, why is this take written on the assumption that all virgins have no lives and thirst for sex 24/7?

[rebornnora]

Unsure if you want to point this out to the people who are really desperate to have sex or the ones who complain why girls are not attracted to guys especially to themselves

[zzzondarrr]

Lol, people nowadays need advice on how to keep rather than how to lose their virginity.

[winterfox10]

What the hell are you talking about? Millennials are most undersexed generation ever.

[BigJake]

Terrible advice.

[EmmaSoren]

I honestly wish I waited :(

[winterfox10]

Really? I don't know... I don't regret anything, but I just never cared about it. Like I don't even remember my first. Sex isn't special to me at all, it doesn't feel good to me. I'd rather be having it, of course, but I low key don't care.

[EmmaSoren]

You don’t? Is that good or bad?

[winterfox10]

I remember it vaguely. It was... as everything sexual is for me; boring.

[Philyouup]

Great Take... but I am some what pulled between "it isn't a big deal" and " should be special " To judge someone on there lack of experience is not different than judging then on there excessive experience.
But, there was a time, where couples restrained themselves and delayed sleeping with each other, and that in it's self was cause to hold the act of loosing ones "cherry" as a special moment of sharing each other.. Now a days, that doesn't seem to have that much weight anymore.

[Halucinator]

Amazing take!

[red_knight]

Awesome take

[disgustingweebtrash]

I'm virgin for life

[scooogy]

I don't know what's to survive ther