The Guide to Surviving Your Virginity

1. Stop whining about it

The Guide to Surviving Your Virginity

Do you want to know how other people know you're a virgin? Because you keep talking about it and whining incessantly about it and complaining about your status online to anyone who will listen. No one can look at you and know you're a virgin even if you stood their perfectly naked. Virgin status is like 0.0003% of your daily life. I'm not saying sex doesn't have value, but in terms of all the parts of you that make you, you and what other people see in you---this isn't exactly top tier. So take a f'in chill pill and relax about STILLLLLLLL being a virgin. It'll happen when it happens, and when it does, don't expect a parade because most people, you'll find on the other side, don't care. They are worried about themselves, not whether or not you're still a virgin.

2. Learn to pleasure yourself

While you wait, you might as well have some fun. Learning NOW what you like and what feels good, can potentially help you on down the road when it comes to doing the deed. Whether you do this with your good old hands or you buy a few fun toys to explore, do take the time to explore and have fun. Bonus, masturbation is known to be a big reliever of stress, so have at it.

3. Get a hobby

Seriously, if your days and nights as positively consumed with thoughts of your virginity, get a hobby, go on a vacation, find other ways to fulfill the hours in your day. Virginity isn't everything. Losing your virginity is just one part of so many other parts of your life.

4. Go meet people

In order to have sex, you do have to go out there and constantly meet people who might potentially want to have sex with you. If you stay by yourself, you don't actively go out, you don't try and approach anyone, you don't hang out where other people in your age range hang out, you are dramatically lessening the chance that you will ever have enough contact with someone who may potentially want to have sex with you. They aren't going to find you sitting at home alone watching Netflix. You do need to go out into the world and try and meet new people.

5. Be safe and ready

Just because you aren't yet having sex doesn't mean you shouldn't be prepared for it. Get your birth control worked out, make sure your bedroom is stocked with some non expired condoms and lube, make sure you've gotten a good clean bill of health from your doc, buy some decent sheets, and never have sex with someone who's status you don't know even if they claim to be a virgin. Better safe than sorry.

6. Set your expectations on reality

First times usually aren't the magical legends and fantasies that porn, the karma sutra, movies, and tv make them out to be. They are usually awkward because one or both of you have never done it before. If you are feeling pressured or rushed into having sex and you aren't really sure the other person actually cares anything about you, knows your name, or is putting you in an uncomfortable position, have it in your mind that you can say no, or stop, or decline before or during your first time or any time thereafter. You are the master of your body and if things aren't cool with you, stop immediately.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Good take. It's not a big deal, being a virgin. Like you said, it'll happen when it happens.

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Join the discussion

What Guys Said 27

  • 6d

    I think the problem really is so much that people are virgins, but RATHER as @MarkRet had put it THERE ARE MOTHAFUCKIN' ASSHOLES out there who will make fun of a virgin, especially if it's a guy virgin. Happens everywhere, and this really should be considered sexual harassment. It's none of anybody else business if somebody is a virgin and has not had sex yet, or is an asexual, or simply just don't care or give a fuck about sex at all.

    The day when people stop giving a fuck altogether about whether other people are virgins, things would be better altogether. Or enough anti-harassment regulations, policies and laws in place that provide strict punishments and fines as consequences to deter people (THE ASSHOLES) from ever discriminating and harassing somebody else for not having sex for whatever reason, all because WE ARE DIFFERENT than they are.

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  • 7d

    At which age?

    It isn't big deal being a virgin when you are 17 or 18. But it is a huge deal when you are 28 or over.

    We can split the world into two groups. Those who consider sex really intimate and those who don't. As long as those into a group don't mess with those in the other, everything is fine. But in the real life they mix and it brings grief and sorrow.

    If you are with those who are waiting for the "right person" just think about how it's going to be finding out that the "right person" you meet at 27 has been having sex during the las 12 years.

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    • 7d

      Being a virgin is only a big deal if you make it into one. If it's all consuming and all you can think about, yes, you may need other avenues and hobbies to fulfill your days and nights because sex is NOT everything. Your life will not end and there are no medical issues associated with being an older virgin.

      As far your example, if a person is right for you, as you say, then that's it. Them being a virgin or not should not be the ultimate determining factor for whether you like them or not... but if it absolutely is for you, then guess what, they aren't actually the right person for you--and thus continue looking.

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    • 2d

      Okay, so tell me: at 18 or 22 or 25 when these people were making fun of you, what choice did you have? What could you have possibly done to change their mindset or their attitude towards you? You don't get to be however old you are now without, as you admit yourself, going through some trials and tribulations. You get strong by getting through the hard bits, if you consider being a virgin difficult, that is. There is this terrible misconception that life is going to be easy and that no one should be allowed to hurt anyone else. We don't live in that world, and unfortunately if it's not your virgin status, it's your weight, your age, your gender, your education, etc. that some people latch on to and decide that they want to tear you down because of it. Your attitude at 22 or 102 is deciding for yourself, what your value is. It's not easy, it's not pleasant to have to deal with bullies, but you do as everyone else going through it has to.

    • 2d

      At some point, you will ask yourself, why did I give a f--k what these idiots thought or think of you? But in those moments, your choice is simply to deal with it because there is no other choice unless you are brave enough to find people who treat you with respect and don't care whether you are a virgin or not. Other than that, repeating over and over how unfair and cruel it is to be a male and be a virgin at 22---well, a) matter of personal opinion that it's a hardship and b) go back to those moments... what else could you have done back then to change the situation other than find new people to be around?

  • I didn't know surviving as a virgin needed a guide. Thanks for that.
    www.laughaton.com/.../13891-40-year-old-virgin.jpg

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    • 6d

      It will take some time and it's different for everyone. Perhaps you're sex drive and sexual will completely fade away or fade away substantially like when you make it to your mid-30s and are still single and had never been kissed. And if you've been addicted and exposed to porn and jerked off chronically and frequently. It sure happened to me. But you'd have to be completely disillusioned and very jaded and cynical and perhaps nihilistic that nothing really matters, just do what you need to and want to. And then it's like meh. You become indifferent, sex, physical pleasures, blah, blah, meh. nothing new, nothing special anymore. And you'll stop caring altogether. But it's different for everyone, I can't guarantee that everyone will eventually lose all interest and desires in all of those things and realize they're just there as another bunch of coping mechanisms like pretty much anything and everything else.

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    • 6d

      @Unit1 I managed to just let those cravings go since I don't see any real point and that it's not special at all to me, not any more. We both know it's just there to ensure we survive as a species or rather postpone our species' inevitable end one day. Just wait, maybe they'll have technology that can help you greatly reduce those desires and cravings, if current methods and available coping mechanisms aren't enough. There are other ways you can kill those cravings and sex drive but it will put your health at risk, and it all comes down to are you willing to let it go and do what you can to diminish it enough to the point that you'll barely care and desire it anymore. I heard something about anaphrodisiac, and we both know antidepressants have some effects on greatly suppressing it, but use those at your own risk. But it's really down to you, either do something, try something. If I were in your shoes I'd do everything I can to eliminate it and render it as redundant as possible.

    • 6d

      @JudgmentDay Yeah, well, see you became stoic and hardened over the years. I'm young and on my prime and fertile and it's time to fertilize (not, that I want to have kids but you get the idea behind it with the nature involved). I have a very long way to go.

      It's like growing hard skin to be resilient to damage. Not easy and not really that pleasant but you'll be resilient.
      I can't seem to get this over with. At least not now.

  • There's a lot of truth in this, but there actually ARE assholes out there who will make fun of a virgin, especially if it's a guy virgin. I know. I've been there, and I wasn't even SAYING anything about it at the time.

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    • it's more than make fun of, it's shame from every angle imaginable...

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    • @Tomblebee - It just IS funnier for one gender over the other (not funnier to ME personally). If a woman is a virgin later in life, she generally gets, "Ohh, you poor thing!" or "Well, good for you, girl!"

      If a guy is a virgin later in life, he's generally looked upon as either a loser, or the biggest joke in town. Hence, the movie 40-Year Old Virgin. If there ever were a movie made about a 40-Year old virgin woman, it would probably be some melodrama.

    • 7d

      Or a cheesy as crap romance tbh.

  • 7d

    Stop talking about it is good advise. Hobbies sounds corny at first but is a great way to occupy yourself and to meet people. Being safe is high priority. I like your 'Take'. There is value in being a virgin a mature age. First it often means you have excluded yourself from some very unattractive activity and thinking that only ages or make your lovable resume look bad. Depending on you it may also mean that you have a great view on life and people that is not groin orientated. very delightful and attractive. To me being a virgin means much more than not having had penetrating sex. Also looking around at what you professional contemplates do is important. If it is a golf kind of crowd, them=n take lessons and join in a foursome. Most sports all you need to to do is say you want to learn and men will show up trying to teach you all their bad habits. You have fun, you meet eligible men, you make work contacts. Anyway goog take.

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  • 5d

    Great Take... but I am some what pulled between "it isn't a big deal" and " should be special " To judge someone on there lack of experience is not different than judging then on there excessive experience.
    But, there was a time, where couples restrained themselves and delayed sleeping with each other, and that in it's self was cause to hold the act of loosing ones "cherry" as a special moment of sharing each other.. Now a days, that doesn't seem to have that much weight anymore.

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  • I'm asexual

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  • 4d

    People stress far too much about this...

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  • 6d

    Terrible advice.

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  • "go out and meet people" vastly overestimates Introverts. Also overestimates free-time in some cases.
    I live alone but go out on Fridays/Saturdays when I have some time. No one ever talks to me and I am too afraid to talk.

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    • 7d

      Listen... if you stay completely alone and never ever go out, you CANNOT expect to have sex unless someone magically shows up on your doorstep, yes? You MAY however, even as an introvert, run into someone who is more extroverted who talks to you while you're out and about and finds you interesting if you can manage a bit of courage to speak to them back. And if your reality is, you simply don't have enough time to ever meet anyone---then that is your reality, but don't then turn around and blame the world for you not meeting anyone in that case as some do and try to make it seem like there is no one out there for you... no, you don't have time for anyone, so either make time or recognize the reality of your situation.

  • I will never have sex

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    • And how do you feel about that

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    • 4d

      @JudgmentDay Thank you! I appreciate your support. I would like to meet him, but the distance doesn't help us. :(
      Maybe we will meet when he comes back to Europe.

    • 4d

      @menina i am looking forward to return to my beloved Europe.

  • 4d

    I'm virgin for life

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  • 4d

    Awesome take

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  • 4d

    Amazing take!

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  • Unsure if you want to point this out to the people who are really desperate to have sex or the ones who complain why girls are not attracted to guys especially to themselves

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  • 5d

    Lol, people nowadays need advice on how to keep rather than how to lose their virginity.

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    • 4d

      What the hell are you talking about? Millennials are most undersexed generation ever.

  • I rushed into having sex and I don't regret it losing my virginity at 24, even for an ugly mfer like me lol

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  • 4d

    I never felt like virginity was a problem.

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  • good take

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  • 4d

    I agree. People do overhype losing your virginity and sex in general. Don’t get me wrong, sex is fun and it feels great but some people make it seem like they’ll die if they don’t have it which is silly.

    It’s like you survived up until you lost virginity. I didn’t feel any different after I lost mine at 21 and no one noticed any differences.

    That being said some people, were very cruel to me about being a Virgin, even women. They would get arrogant and condescending about it and act like I was a 40 year old virgin at just age 21. and say with a condescending tone, “have you ever been with a girl?” Just based on the way I kissed.

    It’s no big deal and I’ve come a long way since then in terms of experience, but the bottom line is you need to be happy with yourself first. Dating and sex won’t make you happier if you’re not happy with yourself in the first place.

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    • 4d

      I think a lot of virgins are under the illusion that unicorns and rainbows will shoot across the sky after they lose their virginity, and it's like, yeah, sex is pleasurable for most, but your life doesn't dramatically change after it happens (well, unless you get pregnant or get someone pregnant, natch). I liken it a lot to people who lose a bunch of weight and think that will solve all their life's problems, they'll be happier, richer, skinnier, get married... and it's like you said... if you aren't in a good place now, after it happens, life doesn't change with the snap of the fingers.

    • 4d

      Yeah that’s a great analogy but you also have to consider other factors as well, for example the Virgin shaming as well as the fat shaming as well as other things. For example, there’s that whole BS stigma of “you’re not a man until you get a woman/get laid” which is dumb because that only causes some guys to solely focus on it which is counterproductive because that makes them less confident and needy/desperate. Whereas pressuring people to lose weight to look good might make some, not all, go bulimic or become anorexic which is not healthy. Or when people say, if you don’t lose your virginity soon, you’ll be a Virgin for life and shit like that.

      Like it’s just negative reinforcement/encouragement when people do that.

    • 4d

      That being said, from all my hardships in dating, what I’ve learned is to always focus on yourself. Sure you can put yourself out there and date and have fun but never focus on the end result whether it’s getting laid or having a relationship. Like you said, it’ll happen when it happens. Stressing and worrying about it only makes it worse as tough as dating may be.

  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 12

  • Also: When a woman loses her virginity is is not supposed to hurt or cause bleeding. If anything you ever do sexually hurts, STOP. Some pain play is ok, but only on the outside of your body, not when you're attempting intercourse. Anyone who tells you it always hurts or has to hurt is DEAD WRONG. Don't ever believe anything else that person says about sex, forever!!! (ok, that was a little sarcastic.)

    Also, re: Saying No. No is a complete answer, and no one owes you a reason or explanation for saying no. That may be frustrating. You'll get over it. AND if you didn't ask first, the answer is always NO.

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    • Also, good, well organized Take. I think you hit on some great points.

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    • 6d

      I really don't disagree with any of that. I am just saying the pain is not a given, and it can absolutely be prevented. I'm not trying to take away from your Take in any way, but rather to get more detailed about an aspect of it that I think men and women have a right to know.

      I think you are great for writing this. It touches on something I have been wanting to do a Take about. And this discussion has been illuminating.

    • 6d

      Well I hope you do write a take. Female sexuality in particular is such a taboo with so many people. It's the whole Madonna or the whore thing, where a girl can only be one or the other, but there is so much to sexuality that needs to be talked about and discussed from the pleasure to the health aspects of it, to pregnancy. Thanks for your comments, and have a great week.

  • If you want to lose your virginity then..
    just be a little more of a hoe! There's nothing wrong with being a slut. If people judge you then people judge you and fuck those assholes. Have sex if you want to and ONLY if YOU want to

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  • 6d

    The first on the list says dont rush to loose it "So take a f'in chill pill and relax about STILLLLLLLL being a virgin. It'll happen when it happens", I completely understand it but can you say that same thing to a lady in her mid 40s who still is a virgin? Like it happens when it happens? I doubt it

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  • 7d

    Lol, why is this take written on the assumption that all virgins have no lives and thirst for sex 24/7?

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  • 6d

    I honestly wish I waited :(

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    • 4d

      Really? I don't know... I don't regret anything, but I just never cared about it. Like I don't even remember my first. Sex isn't special to me at all, it doesn't feel good to me. I'd rather be having it, of course, but I low key don't care.

    • 3d

      You don’t? Is that good or bad?

    • 3d

      I remember it vaguely. It was... as everything sexual is for me; boring.

  • 4d

    Good MyTake

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  • 4d

    People place way too much emphasis on losing virginity. When it happens, it happens. It doesn't make you less of a person or less desirable just because you haven't had an opportunity to have sex yet.

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  • 4d

    when did virginity become from a divine virtue a thing you have to survive thorugh? oh i know when, when people lost connection with God. virginity as a secular must be unbareable i guess.

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  • 5d

    There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. We should be happy that we're not letting random people/ idiots use our bodies for their pleasure.

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  • Good stuff

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  • Great take !!

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  • Virginity is not a problem, but the lack of sex is, for adult people. It's hard to deal with all these hormones, when masturbation does not give satisfaction.

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    • Female virginity is not a problem, however I feel like it is for me since i'm a male 18 year old virgin

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    • 4d

      @winterfox10 Now, that is fucked up. At least you wouldn't be tempted to have a relationship just for the sex though right.. :)

    • 4d

      @Tomblebee I mean... I GUESS?

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