Your Past Sexual Experiences May Be Ruining Your Sex Life & Relationship!

Your Past Sexual Experiences May Be Ruining Your Sex Life & Relationship!

We all have fond memories. Maybe you had a very specific childhood memory that makes you smile from time to time. Maybe you had a favorite TV show that was cancelled, and you can't help to watch it years later when you find out that you can now watch it on Netflix. Maybe you had a pet back in the day that brought you a lot of joy, and even though the pet is long gone, you still cherish those memories if your pet. Fact of the matter is, we all memories that remember. Those memories shape and influence us, making us the person we are today. Sex can even shape the way we think about relationships and other people, and this is what this Take is about.

Your Past Sexual Experiences May Be Ruining Your Sex Life & Relationship!

Our society has a long way in the past century. Back in the day, everyone was sexually repressed, and it was taboo to talk about sex in public. It was especially harder for women, because they weren't allowed to have sexual thoughts or be promiscuous in anyway. However, society has changed greatly over the last century.Think about it. With the introduction of technology, we now have instant access to sex, and it is easily accessible to anyone of any age now. People are having more sex, more partners and it is putting a strain on relationships.

Your Past Sexual Experiences May Be Ruining Your Sex Life & Relationship!

In one article I recently read online, this 22 year old woman discussed how she had 5 sex partners in the past and the sex was good with all of them. However, after meeting a man online and having sex with him, her sexual preferences changed.

The guy she met online had the penis of a porn star, and he was really well endowed. She talked about how the sex was with him, how incredible it was and how satisfying it was taking a ride on a huge penis. She mentioned how she and the guy hooked up 20 something times and each time was incredible. They eventually stopped hooking up when she met a new man she fell in love with.

Your Past Sexual Experiences May Be Ruining Your Sex Life & Relationship!

This woman went onto say that this new man was everything she ever wanted in a man. The guy was college educated, he owned his own business, he was very kind to her, expanded her horizons about the world around her and was very caring and affectionate towards her. While she was happy with him, she said that her sex life was terrible.

Your Past Sexual Experiences May Be Ruining Your Sex Life & Relationship!

The guy she was dating was not as endowed as the previous guy she was hooking up with. In her mind, the man with the big penis was a much more satisfying sexual partner than her boyfriend. The guy with the big penis hit all the right spots, knew how to make her cum, knew how to satisfy her and she always thought very fondly of those memories. This made her feel that the sex she was having with her boyfriend wasn't as good as the sex she previously had. She just wasn't satisfied with her sex life.

Your Past Sexual Experiences May Be Ruining Your Sex Life & Relationship!

This is a real issue in a lot of relationships, and it is damaging. We live in a society today where promiscuity is largely accepted, but at what cost? When we have sex with a lot of people, it shapes our sexual experiences. Sex allows us to form memories. Sex allows to become experienced and learn our bodies. However, at the same time, sex can ruin relationships.

Your Past Sexual Experiences May Be Ruining Your Sex Life & Relationship!

A lot of men and women, find it hard to let go of good sex experiences. Admit it, you remember very fondly your best sexual experience. You remember how you felt in the moment. You remember the location. You may even remember all the positions you tried. You remember all the joy you felt when you had the best sex of your life and you remember the person. When people move on in life, get into loving relationships and start having sex with their partner, the sex isn't always going to be that great because you are still hung up on your best sexual encounter and you expect your partner to live up to that experience. This kind of thinking can damage a great relationship.

I am actually writing this Take, because this has happened to me as well. I am currently dating a girl who has had quite a bit of sex partners, but she is still hung up on her sexual experience that happened months before she met me.

Every time my girlfriend and I have sex, she never seems satisfied. I asked her to tell me what was wrong, and she told me she was not satisfied with our sex and that she was disappointed. She then explained to me a sexual experience she had months before she met. She told me she had a random hook up with a guy and she brought him back to her apartment. She told me that they had sex for hours.

Your Past Sexual Experiences May Be Ruining Your Sex Life & Relationship!

She said that when the guy came over, they foreplayed a lot, kissed a lot, then he pulled out a condom and they had sex and he was able to make her cum. They would then take a break and go at it again and she was able to make her cum again. Then, after a few sessions of this, he took off his condom and started fucking her raw and she came faster. She said they did many different positions, he knew how to handle her and she loved every minute of it.

Your Past Sexual Experiences May Be Ruining Your Sex Life & Relationship!

As my girlfriend told me about this one night stand, she started telling me about what she likes, what she doesn't like, etc. As a result, we have been practicing sex, but I have lost my confidence in the bedroom. It sucks to know that she is really hung up on this sexual experience and that I may never compare to that guy.

The take away message is this: It doesn't matter if you are a man or woman. We all will be sexual in our lives, we will all have various sex partners and we will all have fond memories of the best sex we ever had. However, you cannot let your best sex determine the sex you are going to have with your next partner. You cannot compare your best sex with your current partner. You cannot expect your current partner to be a sexual expert like the best person you had sex with. Even though sex is important in a relationship, people are not going to know your body right away and it takes time to learn. If you are going to compare your partner to a previous "best sex" partner and if you keep reminiscing about having that best sex session, you are hurting your relationship with your partner.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Your girlfriend is an ass & clearly more about herself than you.
    What a shitty thing to do, continuously talk about an ex; their sexual performance & quality, at that. Yikes. Turn off for me.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Obviously, your experience has totally influenced your judgment about this matter and it is a horrible experience that you have had. I would NEVER tell my current partner about an experience with a previous partner and brag about how good the previous partner was. That shows a callous lack of respect for your feelings.

    It sounds as if the girl in your life is looking for a world-class fucking. That suggests to me that she is not ready to be in a long term relationship.

    I have had more than 20 sexual partners over my lifetime. When I was in love, I made love. It was not raw fucking. It was tender, emotional, caring, and loving. Your current girlfriend is complaining about the size of your hot dog because she has no appreciation for fine dining and all she knows is hamburgers, hot dogs, and french fries.

    That is not to say that a current lover should simply be accepted as they are. Every women is different and what sends one woman to the Moon is a turn off to the next woman. It is her responsibility to tell you what she needs to be satisfied and there is never any need for that discussion to begin with, "Well, there was this one guy. . .." She can just say, "What you;re doing feels good but it would be even better if you did this. . ." and she ca then describe what she would like for you to do.

    Take a few steps back and reflect on the self-centeredness with which she has approached this subject. Are you prepared to be treated this way for the rest of your life?

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What Girls Said 12

  • I don't know man! I'll just love the guy that I marry and be happy with whatever he gives me. Not everyone is equally good in bed for everyone and it's ok. There are more important things to care about than sex.

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  • False, the fact that she likely did not love her husband and spent so much time thinking about the other man ruined her sex life. I've definitely been with guys who were like porn stars, but I prefer someone I am in love with. The love makes the sex.

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    • No woman should make a man feel bad about having sex differently though. If she wanted to try something, she should have asked without making nay comparison.

  • Let's put it this way. A man came first in a race, another one came second and the other third. The man that came first is ideally unforgettable out of all the tree. The best of whatever is hard to forget and a comparison really never will stop if you're better or not so good as the last guy.

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    • Amd how exactly does this help his situation?

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    • set on guys having the be amazing in bed *

    • @TheUsername27 thats why you go virgin bruh.
      can't be second when there is only one in the race πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  • I actually have this struggle currently with my current partner.

    I had a six years relationship Asian man before I was 19 he was 17 and got me at around 21-22, then those were really bold and eventful sex experiences.

    My current SO now is ten years younger than me. A Caucasian, I was his first. Well turned out he wasn't that very adventurous with me sexually, and something is awkward with him about sex that makes me feel unattractive to his eyes. He was the first one who made me cum though, but I can't see the passion in him of really engaging into sex. Most of the nights I fuck him in sleep, and I begged most of the time for sex. I do almost 70% first move to have sexual interaction even now we are in long distance. He didn't ask for sexual pics anymore which makes me worried. I actually told him about this since then he once admitted he couldn't get a turn on me because of my past experience. I feel that he likes to fuck younger women as one time we went to a bar and he knew I fancied threesome which I saw in him he was so keen.
    I really like a threesome too but with a partner like him having a weak foundation and my self esteem is low it is a threat.
    I already told him how bad our sex life is but it seems at the moment he doesn't mind as we will be having a baby soon. He is focus on money now so he can make us migrate to his country I'm scared I told him i might end up cheating in our relationship as I am not satisfied with him over all.

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  • I don't like the negative comparisons that this girl is making, it's really not helpful at all. It's not going to cause you to perform better actually it's going to do the exact opposite.
    I don't like the fact that she let someone who she really didn't know have unprotected sex with her.
    She seems to have no regard for her health and safety and a complete lack of emotional intelligence for the one person who she should care about the most YOU.

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What Guys Said 31

  • I don't have as much an issue with experience (unless it is something that is unable to be learnt/changed like penis size), but I also haven't had any partners. I think the biggest issue is that it was brought up as an inadequacy in her current partner as opposed to a previous one. That is harmful and causes confidence loss. I suspect a better way would be to guide towards specific actions outcomes, eg. 'I prefer it this way' etc., as it does not require any disclosure about previous partners, and probably increases confidence of your partner, especially if they can see the results of the process. Also, pumping a whole pile of things to do at once is counterproductive, most are not going to remember them all, I would assume it would work best to work on a couple of things until they were effective, then begin adding more things gradually. Ie. I would prefer a process of gradual improvement/learning where both parties become increasing more satisfied as both perfect various things, and discover new things to change, but do so in a constructive (rather than destructive) environment, which seems to be what is happening.

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  • Past sexual behaviour will destroy your ability to completely bond with your wife or husband.

    Sex is something to be shared with your husband/wife , so it is special as we shared our bodies with our partner.

    But if you do it everyone, it loses its significance and it just becomes as normal as breathing oxygen.

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  • I had been with a virgin and the sex experience was bad. What about that?
    Nobody to compare too 😒😒
    When that happened the only time I have sex is in my mind or watching porn.
    Most of the times I fantasize about being cheated on (because of my performance) since that experience and I wish I would replace it with a better one this depression is killing me 😞

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    • You only had sex once. To be honest, a LOT of people have bad first sexual experience. My first sexual experience wasn't that great either. I met this girl and we were talking for a while. We were alone in her apartment one night and one thing led to another and we had sex. Since it was my first time, I got in 3 pumps, came, and that was it. I know it sucked for both of us. Lol. But we kept having sex and it got better.

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    • Ha ha, basically, I was 12 and had never seen a full grown penis before. I had no idea that they came in different sizes. Apparently, my parts are tighter than average and the guy was much larger than average all around. There was no warm up, and I quit about a minute in. Just a no all around. I didn't have the best sex until I was 25 and my body was more matured. Plenty of exes would have made horrible partners for me. They would have held me back in life. Plenty of people who were great at sex had horrible personalities are just highly incompatible. I never enjoyed that for long.

    • @wolfcat87 thanks for sharing looks like you managed a lot until 25.

  • I like this article. It makes understand how we are nurtched by our experiences. I have always had this desire to be female from asking as I can remember. First time I ever saw a vagina I was 3or4, mother use to chiid mind a girl same age as me she was bathing us at the same time. Looking at what I had looking at what she had ended up having a screaming tantrum why don't I look like her.
    I got to know her over the years went to school with her played after school even on weekends. I couldn't keep my secret from her she already knew anyway. Some times we got dressed up as two girls she was closer to me than a twin. But our friendship came to an abrupt end she and a family moved to Australia. We were 13 and both devistated I felt lost she was my only friend.
    We could write but that took about a month to get a reply and we did.
    Couldn't get this feeling of my sexuaity and continued to play dress up using one of my sister's dresses it brought me a little relief.. But one thing that stuck in my mind that made me more determined to do something about it.
    I was on a holiday with the school I was laying on the grass on my stomach. When one of the teachers came and sat in front to the side of me. I lifted my head to who it was all I could see was this teachers pussy her shorts and and underwear were not much use. So I decided to go after a sex change I wanted to look like that!!! lll

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  • Feel compassion for her because she is going to wind up frustrated and unhappy in the end due to high expectations. She has ruined her life. There is good evidence that the more sex partners a woman has, the greater the likelihood she will end up divorced and alone at the end of her life. Most divorces are initiated by women who are dissatisfied with their man, just like your girlfriend. If you marry her she will eventually divorce you and cause you a massive load of grief and financial loss. We call these ladies "cat ladies" because so many of them are alone and lonely and keep cats for companionship because they could not keep a husband. (When you get older you will notice that a lot of older ladies are like this.) Besides, eventually you will learn that while sex is important, the true test of the quality of a relationship is how well you are matched in multiple areas, sex and values and many other areas. It is not uncommon for a couple to have great sex, get married and then find that they are completely incompatible in other almost every other area of their relationship. So, my advice is to let this one go. Learn the lessons from the experience and then keep it moving until you find a more compatible woman. Make true compatibility your goal, and don't settle for a woman with a lot of sexual experience. She will only disappoint you in the end.

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    • Actually, the study I saw for that was for men and women. Way to be one sided though. A trend also does not mean it will happen with everyone. If half of marriages end in divorce, does that mean you're doomed to be divorced? No. It just means some people don't work together.

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    • @wolfcat87 I would argue that people don't think very hard about it before they do it. I have seen too many up close to think it isn't scary.

    • People get divorced every day, and most people live. lol. It's like any break up only a little more complicated. To avoid it, we'd essentially have to stop dating. No one wants to do that. If I got divorced, I'd get married again. It's definitely worth it.

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