My Confession: I Have Been Raped...4 Times

My Confession: I Have Been Raped...4 Times

I have been raped 4 times: when I was 18, 19, 20, and 21. I knew all four of my rapists, dated 2 of them. It has been a secret I have kept throughout the years as I come from a very religious family and had always gone to a private school where any kind of sexual behavior is looked down upon. With that being said, I could never tell my family or friends about the first time it happened..or the second...or the third...or the fourth. You, dear reader, may judge me and say it was my fault that it happened to me and that I deserved it. I'm sorry to inform you but you do not know the truth so I will enlighten you. I have grown strong enough to share with the world about my experiences to show being sexually assaulted is usually from someone you know and trusted. WARNING: The follow content contains explicit imagery. Do not read if you will be offended.

When I was 18, I went with my friend to his uncle's house 2.5 hours from mine. It was New Year's Eve and his whole family was gathering. I had known him for years and we were good friends. He wanted more but I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship and he said he respected it. We talked about anything and everything under the sun. Anyways, the party was a lot of fun and afterwards we went back to his parent's house with his sisters. We watched movies in the basement and played card games. It was 2am when his family decided to go to bed. The friend and I were going to watch one more movie. During the movie, he kissed me out of the blue. I didn't like it and he got mad. He proceeded to pick me up, carry me into the room he was staying in in the basement, undress me, take pictures, and steal my virginity. He had a wild look in his eyes and he was bigger than me so I couldn't stop him. I cried but he stuffed my panties in my mouth. After he finished in me, he took pictures of his "masterpiece". He then forced me to clean him up taking more pictures. On the drive back, he pulled off to the side of the road multiple times to satisfy himself. There was no one to help me.

My Confession: I Have Been Raped...4 Times

At 19, I dated this guy who seemed sweet. He was religious like me and my family liked him. One day he said a bunch of friends were meeting at his parent's cabin to just hangout. I was excited since the cabin had a prime spot on the lake. He picked me up and we went to the cabin. As you can assume, there was no friends to meet us. There never was. He raped me in the cabin. Even if I did cry, no one would have heard me since the cabin was pretty secluded. He finished in me and then forced me to blow him til he came in my mouth as well. Just like the first, on the ride back, he stopped multiple times to use me to his liking.

The 3rd rapist was a friend of mine who had the same major as me and we were study buddies. I went to his house often as he was a commuter and I would usually stay for dinner. His family was sweet and I loved his dog. The one study time, we took a break and was helping his mom make some lunch. His mom got a call to the hospital and left us to finish lunch by ourselves which is no biggie. However, my friend had other ideas. He picked me up and threw me on the couch. He fingered me roughly making me cry. He thought I liked it. He removed my clothes and thrusted deep right away. I squealed and his dog came running in, barking. He picked me up (still in me) and carried me to his room, locking the dog out. He threw me on the bed and positioned me how he wanted me. He was a very tall and muscular guy and I couldn't have stopped him if I wanted to. I could only cry silent tears. As he thrusted, he put a hand around my throat and choked me so I was on the edge of blacking out. When he was done with that, he flipped me over and held me down as he forced me to deep throat him. i couldn't breathe but he didn't care. He finished in my mouth and didn't leave until I swallowed it all. I gasped for air when he was done and he just laughed. He assaulted me 3 more times that day, laughing and saying i enjoyed it.

The 4th rapist was actually my current boyfriend. We dated for 8 months and he respected my wishes to not get super intimate. One night he caved. We were watching Netflix at his apartment after a long day at the beach when he started getting handsy. I squirmed and he told me to relax. I told him no but it made him upset. He pulled me off the couch and pushed me into his bedroom. He shoved me onto the bed and proceeded to finger me roughly. My cry only egged him on. He took off my clothes quickly and slipped inside me. He whispered in my ear how tight I was and how I liked it. I whimpered "no, no, no" over and over again. He flipped me over for doggy and after awhile he pulled out. He then forced himself in my mouth and made me swallow his load. I was praying he was done but I was wrong. After some bites on my neck, he started to play with my anus. I told him that was a definite no but he told me he was going to have all of me and I was going to like it. He penetrated me anally. I tried to move away but it only hurt more so I stayed still. I cried myself to sleep that night.

My Confession: I Have Been Raped...4 Times

My family and closer girl friends never understood why all of a sudden I stopped talking to these guys. They don't know that even though years have passed, I still have nightmares of these instances. They don't know this secret of mine.They don't know I have been wary of guys and their intentions ever since. No one knows. But now you do. This topic is not easy to talk about and just as hard to admit it ever happened (trust me I know). But now I share it with you so you can be aware of the realness of rape and other forms of sexual assault. A great weight has been lifted sharing this and while it will not erase what has happened, confessing this dark secret has made me realize I am now strong enough to confront it and help those who may have gone through the same thing. Being sexually assaulted is not always done by a random stranger but more often a trusted friend. It is real and it can cause many unseen scars that will never fully heal.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow...
    Are you all this dumb?

    Are you all just gonna believe whatever bs someone posts on the internet?

    Obviously this is just some horny girls/guy's weird fantasy.

    Come on man.

    Girl gets raped in the same fashion over and over again and keeps meeting the same type of man and has herself in the same type of situation always?

    You would think after the first time she would avoid guys, or at least guys who act like this, or at least avoid situations like that.

    And they rape her, then make her suck them off and then drive her home while making her have sex multiple times, always?
    All of them?

    How many times can these guys cum?
    Shit, when i cum im done for the day.
    Twice a day tops.
    Also, i can't even hang 5 minute at a spot at night with my bros without some cops pulling up with "what are you boys upto?"

    And all these guys just rape girl in their cars at night cadually while driving her home?

    Come on man.
    You people are stupid.

    This is a fantasy.

    The fact that bad things do happen shouldn't cloud your judgement on bs stories when you see them.

    Pathetic.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Now, that's kinda naive, if you think about it clearly... if all of them "finished in your mouth" - why didn't you bite off their penis?
    That would be the perfect defense, no guy could endure the pain and shock, no matter how big they are... they would bleed out quickly.
    They weren't even pointing a gun in your face, let's be realistic, only cowards can be orally raped in such situation (if your story is even true, which I kinda doubt).

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What Guys Said 53

  • You know, I was actually feeling pretty bad for you up until I got to this:

    "The fourth rapist was actually my current boyfriend."

    Phew.. for a second there, I was afraid someone here might actually manage to earn my genuine sympathy. You had me a little worried, chickiepoo.

    Better luck next time. I have a feeling that 4 is gonna become 5 real soon. 馃槀

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    • I don't get it. Rape does happen if your'e in a relationship. If one party does not consent and its forced on them, its rape, plain and simple.

    • Women are fucked up beyond measure.
      Fuck a prostitute with a condom and you can relax afterwards knowing you won't be charged with fake rape charges, defamation suit, social embarrassing situation, drama, etc etc

    • @MrNameless
      You misunderstand my point. Rape within a relationship is still rape.

      But when you continue to stand by the person afterwards, you shouldn't expect people who understand that 2 + 2 = 4 to raise banners in your name.

      If you don't believe what happened to you was that bad, why should anyone else.. ESPECIALLY when it comes to something like this where women are told to fight their desires?

      Like it or not, it tends to add up a certain way. I'm not saying for sure that she enjoys it, but I'm still not gonna take her little "predicament" seriously.. not while we have rape victims out there who are legitimately struggling.

  • This sounds so fake. "Aaah look at me, I am a 4 time victim, let me put #mew2 #hashtag and tell because of 'RELIGION' I wasn't able to tell anyone..."

    Do you think we are stupid or something?

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  • I don't know what to say little one. This just sounds horrific. I don't understand, why haven't you reported this? Have you sought help? Counseling? You have to tell someone.

    I only posted because no one here has responded and its been eight hours. But I can't counsel you. I just don't know what to say other than I am so profoundly sorry.

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  • My preface is to admit - with apologies - how turned on this made me IF reading it as a novel = you have writing talents to pursue on this or other subjects.

    All of the pretty gals I've dated or friended... all... have been raped or molested, no matter how high/low their socio-economic background & environment. The little heads (penis) rule it seems as if entitled.

    Some gals are more (sorry) "fuckable" looking than others, NOT THEIR FAULT. When occupied & persecuted by Nazis, many Jews would say that beauty was a curse to their women (making them targets to serve up sex).

    Some will find fault in not fighting to the death someone ever x3 your size/strength in the act of stripping you or worse. Other can relate to be frozen in fear, no training in self defense. They weren't there and most have never been placed there, so have NO clue how they would really behave themselves. No need to listen to them.

    All of these gals mentioned recovered in one way or another but scars remain and may surface w/o warning like a trap with an unrelated spring somewhere remote that got tripped.

    One went on to love bondage sex, loves sex and her need to dominate grew

    Another stayed sexually curious but if anything went wrong - even if maybe wring - she will go ballistic

    Another never could orgasm except via a strang masterbation technique but after awhile her long term lover now hubby found ways to be the only one that helps given her such pleasures - this one can heavily filt now, watch porn and role playing... rape play not so much the road to orgasm

    ... and there's more

    Because it seems you will always be a target even when you think too old for such, all you can do is begin self defense classes which include something like Tae Kwon Do/equal + handgun training as referred by your local indoor gun range/store. Otherwise the little heads will always want inside you, no matter what.
    The 2nd best defense is a good man that loves & protects you but he's not going to be everywhere all the time to do body guard duty = 2% of these will hit on you as well.

    Could you post a picture of some gal with looks similar to yours? It could answer many questions now swimming around.

    Thanks for sharing, may God watch out over you all in such a peril as this.

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  • Nice story.
    You should write some stuff.
    You're an actor in writing. You can convince people.
    But women like you are most likely to frame fake rape charges against men due to the fact that you can make it look so real.

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  • Oh yea, 4 times?

    So your rapist is your boyfriend? Oh god these stories... I see why so many guys are abandoning the idea of sex and relationships...

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    • Women are fucked up beyond measure.
      Fuck a prostitute with a condom and you can relax afterwards knowing you won't be charged with fake rape charges, defamation suit, social embarrassing situation, drama, etc etc

    • @Hungry_Shark I've had 3 gfs haha, trust me I know. And a married woman sent me pictures of herself today... I mean seriously...

  • Have GaG delete this post. The, send in a police report. Making something like this public can actually hurt your chances during the case (which is why a lot of celebrities don't give details about criminal/civil cases). If you really were raped, which I believe you were, then definitely delete this post and file a police report immediately.

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  • Another #metoo spreading their fake or exaggerated story.

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  • This sound extremely fake and dramatic story, unless you met bunch of criminals and rapests 馃槀馃槀馃槀

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  • I tried to believe you and sympathize, but this sounds fake

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  • Thanks for sharing this. You will never know how many others this will help. Hold your head high. You did what you had to do to survive. . . . and you ARE a survivor. Find a gentle man who will love you for the princess you are.

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  • This read more like a Dear Penthouse letter than a rape account.

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  • To be used like that... I truly feel sorry for you. Those men must've been unable to hold back their desires, and the typical "no means yes". Your lack of defense must've mean you're the more submissive type as well. They never asked if you like to sex too, right? Like, they just go for it and not care about anything else other than his own sexual drive.

    Anyway, if sharing this has made you stronger, then I believe in you. Find the strength in you to fight back and say what you truly want. :)

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  • This read like a Penthouse Forum story.. Left me hard... Not sure how true this is.

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  • 1.: Why do you call this a 'confession'?
    2.: After your first encounter with a criminal - trouble seems to be attracted to you; I would have expected you being more cautious. (This is not a judgement or finger-pointing) It leaves me surprised.
    3.: I see your report. I don't see conclusions or advice. I don't see that you reported at the police (which is not a school, or a 'religious' family). What were your reasons not to seek help from options within your reach?
    4.: What effect for yourself do you expect by posting this here?
    ----> I sound a bit heartless, I know. This is not the case and inside I feel angry with these men. My questions are about gaps of comprehension on my side.

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    • these are just fantasies, not a real story ( I honestly believe so, it is not a first fake being rape "confession" on GaG)
      yes, she went to the remote cabin with a guy, only a year after she got raped and yes, she is still in a relationship with her rapist boyfriend

  • These people are fucking evil and need to be chopped up in a mob style of execution, unfortunately the Content is too difficult to read, but I hope you are able to find resolve with yourself, you are beautiful, and never deserved to be abused, it is not your fault.

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    • Women are fucked up beyond measure.
      Fuck a prostitute with a condom and you can relax afterwards knowing you won't be charged with fake rape charges, defamation suit, social embarrassing situation, drama, etc etc

  • I have trouble believing this because it seems way too similar. It's like the same story played out 4 times.

    Secondly, regardless of it's truth or not, if a crime has been committed then moral obligation at least in my view would state that you inform the authorities immediately, and if not for your own sake then for the sake of other girls who may be assaulted in the future.

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  • I'm so sorry this happened to you, what you describe is horrid and should never happen.
    I hope this won't taint your ideas on all men, there are those of us that are certainly not like that at all.
    They should be charged and jailed for their crimes...

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  • Wow. If you're being honest then what a horrible experience.

    You should have called the police a long time ago on these animals.

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  • Confessions should be made at a police station, not on G@G. Unfortunately, we can't really do anything here, the police is here for that.

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What Girls Said 31

  • Why didn鈥檛 you scream out for help in the first incident? His parents, or a neighbour would have come to your aide.

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  • I have dated my rapists too, the first one who took my virginity and others, i suppressed it as all this was out of my control. I now just stay inside and be extra mean to men. Not do my hair or wear makeup, call cops on them when they don't fuck off.

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    • jesus christ, what an insight... terribly stereotypical I gotta say though

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    • Awwe, but honey you would look so good with your makeup on and hair done

    • @MsMusic yeah but I'd be lying to people... I am the beast that I am, the creature I was born, I don't hide behind a mask

  • Hey you can talk about this stuff to those you care about, why are you holding back? I'm sorry this happened to you, you should report them and break up with the current boyfriend if he shouldn't treat you like this, i'm really sorry. Please get help, if you ever wanna talk i'm here. you are loved <3 those guys truly acted through satan himself. you will be okay eventually. please keep fighting.

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  • Honestly, I feel so mean for saying this if it is true, but like I don't believe it based on the fact that when you were 18, you'd likely be screaming and the other people in the house would hear it.
    If this is true though, I'm so sorry for all the hell you're gone through.

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  • there's something about this story that seems a little bit off...

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  • with a house full of people i think you let him rape you then you felt guilty at what you did so you call it rape now... still it can be painful experience... but you weren't raped... if anything you let him rape you.

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  • why not tell everyone in the house ha happened the first time then go to cops so he can't do it again. how did you end up in a car with him after that... why not tell his parents and have them drive you home safely?

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    • ... or just yell; so they can defend you and take you to a hospital.

  • Tell your family. Why would they judge YOU for being assaulted? I come from a religious family too, and I understand the fear of opening up to them. But they will not judge you for being taken by force. For a struggle like this you need the support of your family and friends. Trust me, I know it's hard to do at first, but afterwards you will feel so much better, and your family can watch out for you and make sure you're okay.

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    • I've also noticed how most of the guys who commented either said they didn't believe this story or they didn't care. It makes me sick to see people who respond like this. You have no idea what this girl has gone through. Whether it's true or not, you will never know, but you MUST ALWAYS respond in a way that is sensitive to the person as if it were true. Shame on all of you.

  • You had their cum on you. You should have gone to police immediately. You had enough proof

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  • you would think after the first experience she would be a bit more careful.

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  • Do you have any more bedtime stories?

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  • Damn, I couldn't even finish reading all of it, the first one was tragic enough. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

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  • I really don't want to come over cold, but I think this is pure bullcrap

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  • I wish I could tell you it will be different but the truth is that usually once you're "marked" it follows you around forever.

    Learn to fight, no fear, and get to a place in life where you don't need to be around men.

    If everyone's a monster you survive by being one too. If you are compliant it only gets worse.

    Don't ever expect them to be reasonable, they will try to convince you you're wrong. Know who you are and what you want and repeat it to yourself daily.

    Work towards goals.

    And most importantly, don't EVER do anything because you feel you "Have to" ... Find a way you don't have to. Take control.

    You can do it, and you can have whatever you set your mind to.

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    • it ain't monstrous to defend oneself if someone is attempting to rape you. Whoever is the aggressor is the monstrous one

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    • @Goochbreaker every rapist on Earth isn't her responsibility. SHE is her responsibility. She only owes it to herself to decide what is best for her, no one else.

      I'm trying to explain the psychology here, not how someone should behave.

      Say you are raped, you tell yourself you probably did something wrong, most people aren't like that you just want to get over it and get on with your life. You start hanging out with friends again, talk to a boy again... Then it happens again, you go back inside yourself again trying to figure out why until you decide it was just bad luck and try again... Then it happens again each time it takes longer for you to open up to people, to trust them but you try because that is what you are supposed to do to be normal and happy, you tell yourself you're crazy and try to be normal, and it happens again... it takes incredible energy, the hate you have to have to convince yourself it's worth fighting when the whole world has always been the same

    • defending yourself from every rapist on earth, along with every other kind of predator, be it a person, organization, or otherwise, is your responsibility. Don't ever be fooled into thinking it's not. You need to fight for your right to exist on this planet, the world owes us nothing. Make strong friends, protect yourself, don't think you will be safe... ever. I don't know what you are even responding to because it's clearly not my comment.

  • Why is he still your boyfriend?

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  • ... and none of this was reported?

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  • Why are you still with #4

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  • confess to the police

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  • Get a permanent high paid job out of him..

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  • I鈥檓 sorry

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