Pornography and the Effects it Has on Your Partner

I know everyone has their own beliefs and I am stating mine because I’m in a current battle with my S/O about pornography and viewing women.

Pornography and the Effects it Has on Your Partner

Let’s face it, EVERYONE and literally I mean everyone has had some sort of struggle with pornography.

Pornography these days is so widely accessible whether it's videos on some porn site or magazines at the local convenience store and DVD’s. Women and men both can be insecure about their bodies, the person may not be perfect and they know it, it is quite bothersome enough having to deal with some imperfection. Especially like “I’m not beautiful enough for him/her.”

My husband once belonged to a webcam site, a well known one is all I will say, he used to go on it from time to time while he was truck driving, that’s fine because I don’t need to know about it, it wasn’t bothersome or harmful at that point.

One time while he was at home it was early in the morning, I used to sleep in never used to get up with him, I guess it may have bothered him a little (keep in mind I am no longer like that now). He was feeling in the mood, and instead of coming to me and waking me up at 3 AM in the morning he chose to go on the webcam site. I told him, I don’t care if it’s 3 in the morning if you’re in the mood you can come to me instead of looking at crap like that.

I get it if you’re single but if you have someone to be intimate with, there is no excuse unless you both agree to it and watch it together.

As I said...

With my husband it is an on-going battle I feel I may never win because he is stubborn as hell, I know he is still viewing naked women and it bothers me because he has me. If someone he wants to see has naked pictures leaked he will go and look and hide it from me.

Hiding it from your partner!? That is a no-no in a relationship; it’s like you’re lying to them and stabbing them in the back. This morning for instance he was talking to me on the phone just before work and something in his voice didn’t sound right, I must admit I snooped (I know big mistake)

So I checked his Google History with YouTube because he is using that as a way to look at naked women, lately it’s been “Naked Yoga” where you see everything on most videos, I asked him what he was up to. Because he just didn’t sound right so I knew something was wrong and he was doing something. He responded with “looking at all the crazy people outside” meanwhile I seen the search result and the video “Naked Yoga”.

He also asked me what I was accusing him of, I wasn't accusing I was asking and he got his defence up for no reason (Big Flag right there)

Pornography hurts relationships (marriages) mostly if you had already discussed it, and I don’t like this because it hurts me knowing you’re looking at it, or you're lying about it. Because he and I previously had a discussion about it hurting me especially since he is doing it behind my back. Also a long time ago I had asked him not to do it and he said he wouldn't, another lie. I also had asked him how would he feel if I put him in the same position, he said "probably the same"

Lying is really bad in a relationship, there should always be honesty and if you can’t be honest with your partner you shouldn’t do it.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't see much difference between porn-addict and alcoholism, and of course drugs. All of these stimulate the same pleasure centers and consume valuable natural brain pleasure chemistry; once these are consumed life is null-ed and blah. It is not natural for any human to see all the stimulating images available; the brain is not made for that and it gets saturated; and this includes excessive jerking-off. You are killing yourself with any of these. So I personally abstain from all simply as a matter of survival.

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    • What a load of absolute bullshit. Link to one peer review study that suggests watching porn equates to 'killing yourself'...

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    • @asker... sorry for that. Google ways to get him off it... YOU have to ALWAYS be available, and he has to promise to make you his sole outlet for sex. Otherwise it will continue to interfere with your relationship.
      See if you can find this guy's vid segments on porn and couples: Mark Gungor
      Wife ver 2.0 - NEVER says 'no'. 25 year anniversary last week! :)

    • @passinby you do end your answer with "You are killing yourself with any of these", equating watching porn to doing drugs, as if it is fact.
      Yes, porn can be addictive and it can definitely be harmful, but to call it life-threatening is going a bit far.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I never agree with porn in a relationship. I don't see the reason why a person needs to watch porn when they can have their partner with them. If they are in a LDR or one person has lower sexual drive, I can understand that. In your case, he has serious issue or another word is addiction. It is hard to deal with a guy who is a porn addict. This is serious. Not sure why people think it is normal. I watched this show about a guy who admitted to the host saying he rather watch porn than having sex with his wife. My goodness.

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    • Thank you for your reply... Yeah, I can't agree with it either, I am just so many agree with this saying they are against porn though.. It's amazing what one story will bring... I am totally against it if there is a means for real sex no matter what... Even if a girl is on her monthly friend, she can still give him a blowjob to satisfy him

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    • @Anon-ymous1 give it a rest your opinion is unwanted because he has an addiction

    • Thanks for the MHO

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What Guys Said 40

  • Oh no! He's hiding his porn from you because you've made it clear to him that it makes you feel insecure. You forced him to lie!

    For starters, the two pictures that you posted here are not pornographic. They my be a bit revealing, but certainly not pornographic. So if these mainstream pics fit into your definition of what porn actually looks like than your husband would have to think twice before bringing home the latest edition of Sports Illustrated or even the Daily News.

    Personally speaking, I hate porn, but I have a collection on my computer of tens of thousands of pics of partially dressed women similar to the ones that you've posted here. If I were dating a women and she had a problem with that then I would have to break up with her.

    FYI, guys are visual creatures and we like to look at sexy women. In most cases it's a harmless form of entertainment. If he still loves you, if he's not cheating on you and if he's keeping his smut away from the children, then you have nothing to complain about.

    In every marriage each partner needs some degree of personal space.
    Maybe you just need to let go of this issue and give your husband some space?

    You need to lighten up and to back off! If not, then your insecurities will ruin your marriage...

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    • Nah I mean fully nude. If you’ve never written a mytake then you probably don’t know gag wants you to post a picture... so I chose that instead of a nude pictures and also because it goes against gag rules... and no clearly you think it’s ok to lie and hide porn. No it’s not ok

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    • Agreed, people need personal space, even in a marriage, unless one or both parties want to go nuts.

    • Why does number of people supporting you matter more than your own husband's views and feelings?

  • Porn is honestly very disgusting and a big turn off to me anyways, Its nothing but fake and disrespecting each other now, i dont get it, why do people in relationships needs to look at porn, when you have a partner? I always found porn disgusting to be honest

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  • Lol women are so sensitive about this. Looking at porn is not lying. It's looking at porn and that's it.
    If he came and woke you up at 3 am you're going to have morning breath and shit.
    Webcam girls don't have bad breath and he can get it over and done with quicker.

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    • I could care less about bad breath... that's just a bloody excuse... and he could of came to me instead of looking at that stupid crap... Can't believe you would think that is actually OK... Why? Why else where instead of a wife? without making excuses by the way.

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    • It can be yes... but one thing I rarely suffer. I don’t have a glass of milk before bed or anything that will give me bad breath

    • So again no excuse... your excusing the use of porn when someone is there for real sex

  • Sounds like this is 100% a "you" problem.

    I know it sucks to admit your failings to yourself, but this boils entirely down to your insecurity issues. You're making every excuse you can think of to justify your irrational behavior, and sparing no expense in the process.

    Good luck with your misguided quest to prevent your man from ever looking at or engaging in private fantasies about other women through thought policing.

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    • How tf can you not see he has an addiction? I’m not kidding if you have read 90% of the comments you would of known that, and not purely all my fault.. Unless you did and you just accused me anyways... However it’s not all my fault anyways... if someone would rather watch porn then be their wife see how you feel about it before you blame someone else whose not at fault

  • Yep, spot on. What I've been saying for 10M replies here now on GAG.
    GET OFF THE PORN!! It ruins normal man-woman romantic sex and relationships. And it's ALL fake.
    A stead diet of fake sex porn makes guys think all women like anal, deep throating, facials, and group sex. Total FAIL. You see it in the questions here. Pfft.

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    • Well, there are lots of kinds of porn. Some are extremely real, with no fake sounds or anything of the sort.
      Also, it's very common myth that majority of women don't enjoy anal at all. A more common myth is that men want it more than women.

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    • @Ahsthen why cause he agrees porn is bad when you have a woman you could have ses with everyday?

    • Porn addicts really don't like to be told what their doing is disgusting. How many Q's do we have on here where the woman can't get her man to have sex with her cuz he's jerking off to porn instead.
      And it's near impossible to compete with that - it's instant gratification, no interaction required, and a steady stream of increasingly depraved acts, one after the other. No, this is truly an addiction and once started can be near impossible to break 'till their whole social structure breaks down, or their woman bails on them.

      Mark Gungor does a pretty good segment on this, and how to break the cycle. Try google. There is other valuable information on the deleterious affects of porn addiction and how it ruins relationships, and lives.

  • Actually porn doesn't fuck up your relationship with your partner.

    It's actually your past, promiscuity, devious, manipulation type of behaviour,
    Which forces us to dump you.

    And you think you got dumped because we watch porn? Lol

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  • I watch porn... honestly if it weren't for porn satisfying my needs, I would have been wasting a lot of time and effort chasing women instead of concentrating on my career and getting wealthy

    Most of my friends still do, lol... I just sit back and watch them settle down for a mediocre lifestyle and then end up bitching about their partners, I laugh so hard my insides hurt

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  • Good points. I think people are better off without porn, and certainly if they're in a relationship.

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  • "Struggle" with pornography? Uh. What struggle? It's only a struggle if you think it's a struggle. And I don't, therefore I've never struggled, despite watching lots of porn.

    People are allowed to have private desires, or public desires. As long as no one is being hurt, it's their business. If he chooses to involve you in that, so be it. You sound very, very insecure in yourself with this entire post. You don't get to decide what someone else watches; he wouldn't get to decide what you watch, would he? If you don't like it, break up with him (that would be stupid, to think porn is more important to you than your boyfriend, but hey if that's how you feel).

    Gee, that was easy.

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    • It's a struggle if someone is ADDICTED

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    • good riddance d/a

    • Problem due to addiction is way different form the problem due to porn.
      You are comparing watching TV with a drinking problem, those are entirely different scenarios.

  • I agree. I also believe porn isn't good for relationships and healthy sexuality. The bottom line is this hurts you and he shouldn't do it for any other reason than that, he is hurting his wife. He is going to other women for his sexual fulfillment, pleasure and release instead of his wife. You are the one he is supposed to express and share his sexuality with. People rationalize that he isn't really touching them or having real sex with them but his mind is with them and his heart is with them and they are sharing their bodies visually with him in ways their mates are supposed to have.

    I hope he loves you enough to decide to starve his eyes from other women and crave only you.

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  • Can't comment about anything else but it was 3AM. He was being respectful. Also instead of accusing and nagging him: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p85xwZ_OLX0
    because right now, it seems you are only doing the first bit.

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  • While I sympathize with what you're going through, it's really not a case to blame on porn.. This is more about deceit and a marriage that has lost it's spark. I would advise you to look more at the cause than the effect.

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  • Too much porn is certainly harmful, no doubt about it.

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  • If you’re single and lonely it’s understandable, but still bad. If you have a sexual relationship of your own, there’s literally no excuse to watching porn.

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  • This dude needs serious help; send him to rehab.
    Porn addiction is a recognised mental disorder according to Britain's national health service and is damaging to both your physical and mental health.

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  • Is Naked Yoga considered porn? It's not the worst thing out there. Sounds like you have a hangup over nudity.

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    • If it’s main point of existence is for someone to fap to, then it’s porn

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    • Don’t worry then. He loves you. 👍

    • xButterfly kisses87x Make a video of you doing naked yoga and show it to him. Then tell him you're going to put it on youtube. When he gets all freaked out, tell him if he doesn't want you doing it, then he shouldn't be looking at it either.

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  • It seems you have more of a problem with lying and deceit. Lying is never good in a relationship.

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  • My wife court me watching she was more upset I was doing it on my own. She said she liked watching it it got her in the mood. ...

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  • Why would he hide it from you? I would rather watch pornography together and have an open discussion... :o

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What Girls Said 20

  • The effects of pornography is grossly under-estimated.

    My ex was addicted to porn.
    He would watch it at least every second night, often every night. Sometimes multiple times in a day. He even watched it while driving behind the wheel interstate on a 12 hour drive, and masturbated at the time.

    He was 35-36 years old, 6 years older than me.
    He suffered from erectile disfunction at the time. He was only able to “get it up” fully three times together with me.
    This left me feeling incredibly undesirable.

    However it didn’t stop him from wanting it all the time, anywhere and everywhere. He would grope me constantly, including in public, despite me literally having to shove him off, as it was not always consensual, yet he would ignore my resistance and over-power me.

    He treated me like an object.
    He was only interested in me if/when we were doing something sexual.

    He had an obsession with anything anal... he would try and put a finger in, despite me asking him to stop, and commenced anal sex without my consent.

    I believe that much of his behaviour was related to his exposure to pornography.
    He couldn’t even view me as a worthy human, I was simply a means of gratification.

    If his internet wasn’t working, he’d video-call me and ask me to take my clothes off, or do something sexual. So instead of wanting porn to fill the void that the absence of an intimate human relationship provides, he wanted me to fill the void that his lack of access to porn created.

    He had also appeared to become desensitised to watching average sex.
    The girls in the videos looked no older than 12 (many of them anyway). He watched videos of women over 70 having sex with younger men, and even confided in me that he had watched “rape porn”. I’m sorry, but I found this disgusting, and it literally made me feel sick.

    The objectifying of women and desensitisation of porn is damaging the brains of our men... and women too. The value and intimacy in relationships is being diminished to lustful selfish gratification. And it is creating “make entitlement”, which is desensitising many to sexual assault, and acts that actually qualify as rape.

    I’m not sure if you’ve heard of her, but you should try looking up Melinda Tankard Reist, or “Collective Shout”. They discuss and examine the devastating effects that porn is having on our culture and all individuals involved, both directly and indirectly.

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    • Oh my goodness I am so sorry you had to go through all that... It’s gross it looks like he we into younger women makes me fear when/if he had kids... I can believe porn is really bad also it’s upto the person to act on what they see. I mean if someone sees something like that it takes a real good person not to act on it or have disturbing fears. I thank you for your time to write this and again I’m so sorry he was like that with you, hopefully you have found someone to equally get you off and care about you

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    • 7d

      I completely agree.
      I haven’t read them all, but I’ve seen some of them.
      I know how cruel and rude they can get. I’ll often be very opinionated on this topic, and as a result, havecrecieved a lot of anger in response, which is simply inappropriate and uncalled for.
      I know a woman here in Australia who is an advocate for the harms of porn, and she gets death threats literally on a daily basis.
      It’s disgusting.
      Good on you for writing a book about it. There is such a need for more awareness... for the safety of the children of the future generations.

    • 6d

      Wow, that is insane about death threats.. if you want follow me :) and thank you for your support

  • I Don't agree with porn in a relationship and that is for one reason. I was in a relationship with a guy that didn't watch porn and our sex life was ammmmazzzing.

    Before that I didn't like sex, never got anything out of it. Then was celibate for 4 years because I didn't see a reason to put work into something that never gave me anything in return.

    When we first started I still didn't like it, it just hurt. But cum when it starts breaking down in the vagina releases chemicals that decrease depression and stress (mostly cortisol). So even when I wasn't cumming I noticed I was in a better mood all the time. When he came in me every day I wasn't stressed, I was more motivated, I was happy. Once I was happy and not stressed all the time sex started feeling good and I wanted it more. For about 8 years we had sex between 2-4 hours a day, never got bored or tired of it. And he was the only one that didn't watch porn, the only one that put any effort into sex. So I don't like porn because I'm selfish, I want him to want to give it all to me.

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  • I see where you are coming from but honestly, porn has never bothered me. I think it's a bit unrealistic to expect your partner to come to you EVERY time they get horny. Sometimes you just want a quick release and there's nothing wrong with that. During sex you not only focus on yourself, but have to focus on your partner and their pleasure as well which is usually fine but as I mentioned, sometimes people just want to get off and that's it.

    As for the lying, I agree that's not good in a marriage but if he were honest, would you be okay with it? Perhaps he is only hiding it to avoid the ensuing argument that he knows will happen. As long as he's not completely refusing to have sex with you and still shows an interest in your sex life, I just don't see the harm in watching porn occasionally.

    Relationships are not easy, a lot of it involves give and take as well as picking your battles. Is this really worth constantly arguing about? If you're insecure with yourself and that's why you don't like porn, maybe consider working on your self-esteem. Him watching porn doesn't mean he thinks those women are "better" than you or that he would rather be with them. Try not to let it get to you so much. I know that's easier said than done but it's possible to overcome these issues if you truly want to.

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    • He knows I have a high sex drive and like sex nearly as much as him, so he knows he can come to me that's the thing...

      I am not kidding about the high sex drive, I am in one of a few women with a high sex drive because I know not many women do have one as high.

    • I understand but as I mentioned, sex takes time and you're not only focused on your own orgasm but theirs as well. Sometimes people just want to quickly masturbate and that's it. Of course, if he was completely avoiding sex with you, then that would be cause for concern but if he does still show interest in you and only masturbates sometimes, that's relatively normal.

      I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings in any way, but try to look at it from a different perspective. I'm sure he's not trying to hurt you and if you mainly dislike porn because of insecurities with yourself, that's something you can work on. It may not be easy but it's definitely possible.

    • He doesn't jerk off to it, he just looks... but still I don't see a point... He enjoys sex though.

  • It is obvious that he Will lie about it if he knows it pisses you off. I mean that's human nature. If porn is something you don't like then don't just tell him come to you, MAKE him come to you. What do I mean? How are you really with him when you are with him? Do you get dolled up and try purchasing different outfits or try getting toys you can both enjoy or get ky jelly or tell him all your fantasies or ask him his fantasies? Do you go the extra mile to keep him turned on? Or are you merely coexisting claiming wife without really doing your best to be everything he desires?

    Sure you have a life and these things are extra work but that's what a MARRIAGE requires. I'm sure you used to get all dolled up and look your best before you were married. So keep it going. Work on it. Make it so that you exceed his expectations... Then he won't give a f about the girls he can't get. And bring every sexual energy he has to you. Spice it up, do research on new stuff you can try. He's your man, get inside his head figure out what he likes about the porn. Human nature will propel him to watch it more and in secret if you keep telling him not to do it.

    So abandon that approach which is obviously not working and try these things.

    Another thing is of you get him to confide his fantasies in you after telling him yours, don't be closed up to whatever it is. That's another sure way to convince him you're hopeless in that aspect and make him feel like porn is all he has.

    I tell you these things hoping you are actually looking at bringing your husband back to you, versus simply looking for momentary gratification from other gagers to support your opinion. Good luck!

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    • Yes, all those things you mentioned are important, but if the guy has desires other than his wife, that's simply is what it is. It's normal and natural. Porn viewing is a reflection of that.

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    • I suppose, but doesn't that clearly mean and show that the problem is with *her,* not with him? If what he's doing isn't wrong and is completely normal?

    • @Anon-ymous1 Did you actually read my response? It was centered around things SHE could do... inadvertently pointing out that the issue was with her so she is the one who has to fix it... that is until you started this comment which now makes it blatantly clear and defeats the entire purpose of my not putting my personal opinion.

      Just so you know, people tend to take better to advice when you do not judge them, or force your own opinion down their throat.

  • If two people are ok with one or both watching porn, no problem.
    But the fact is, you are not ok with it and your partner is lying and going behind your back. That's messed up. And he's your husband... I wonder what his vows said :/

    I am not ok with my partner watching porn] with me and every guy I've ever dated has been ok with that. My boyfriend would watch women masturbate and I asked him to stop, so he did. And we live together so it just works. I feel bad that your husband is being so selfish.

    If you asked him to come to you to get off, then he should and him not going so is basically him choosing the other women's bodies over yours.

    I know it's tough bc it seems like so many ladies on the internet don't feel the same, so you feel like are you going crazy/being too picky and the answer is no, it's really not that hard to fuck your partner over jacking off to a picture and one is so so much better than the other.

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    • THANK YOU!!! Literally I don't mean caps to be rude, but I feel like I'm in the wrong because so many idiots here, think porn is okay, NO its not your married, you have a wife/husband you shouldn't have a reason to view porn/naked women or men!

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    • @vishna Oh, his vows has something to do with pornography?

      You sound like you're the type of person who thinks the Bible actually explicitly condemns homosexuality or abortion, when you haven't read it.

    • @Anon-ymous1 His vows would typically have included something about loving and respecting his wife. He's being insensitive and deceitful, I don't imagine those were any of the things a husband would vow to do on their wedding day. (no offense to OP)

      and wrong, think again... don't come at me telling me what I think.

  • Emotionally, I agree with you. But, in my experience it's only when one partner doesn't get satisfied in whatever way that is that it's uneven. So, I wonder if it may sting you more because you are not getting something from him. Otherwise, very intriguing take.

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  • I wonder if it would be possible for you to watch porn with him. Ask him about things that he likes. Maybe question him about why he's watching them while you are watching it together. Maybe there are things he's not sexually satisfied with. Or maybe there's something that he's curious about. Start from a place where you want to reach an understanding and maybe he'll meet you half way.

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  • If I found out that my partner was addicted to pornography then I would try to be understanding, since it probably would have originated from before we were together. However, it would hurt me a little and make me feel like I wasn't satisfying him enough. I would only really be insulted if he wasn't willing to even try to stop.

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  • I get you... I have the same issue with my boyfriend... I have no problem of him watching porn bc I watch porn too. I started having a problem when he stopped having sex with me. Sex went to 7-8 times a month with him claiming that he is not in the mood. He still watched porn and lied about it. I dont mind until it doesn't hurt the relationship. But saying lies eeehhhhh...
    OMG i think i need another guy

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  • I am completely against porn in a relationship. Personally I wouldn't like it if my partner did this, especially if they make a promise not to do it. If I have no want or need to look at other men naked then why should the guy look at other woman naked. I have a family member who is a porn addict and he literally messed up his kids lives because of it and not to mention my 11 year old cousin caught him watching it and she became addicted too. It took my aunt forever to break her addiction. So I believe it messes up one's mind and one's relationship too.

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    • That's because male and female sexuality is different. Female sexuality is basically demisexuality.

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    • @Kkaos If you read what I was saying then you would notice that I am implying the person I am dating, since we are discussing this topic in a relationship sense. Perhaps you should've asked first what I meant instead of just jumping to conclusions.

    • @Markfish I agree with what you say. Woman tend to be more emotional and thus we do tend to connect our sexuality to someone specific who we are emotionally connected too.

  • It sounds like more of a trust issue. Like if it wasn't porn it would be something else. You clearly don't trust him, and with good reason since he lies. I feel like it's deeper than porn.

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  • My husband watches porno. Instead of getting irritated and providing him opportunity of speaking lie, I allowed him to watch in my presence. Now we both are satisfied.

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  • Wow... u r lucky that u've star as a girlfriend... nourish the experience... if u r a shy person then break up would be a nice option.

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    • Does that mean your against me?

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    • Couldn't figure out... Its an addiction, if he's willing to change and all I mean its a battle... we are Christian so its harder... I don't really believe in porn use because it destroys everything.. I mean look I can't trust if he is looking at porn or not.. I need to find some way of getting him help.. We are married and in this together

    • Even if it hurts me being the wife but it normally would hurt anyone of being with someone whom has an addiction of any sort

  • Nah porn doesn't effect me negatively. Me and my boyfriend watch porn, sometimes we even discuss it. But I like my body with all it's curves, and I'm not jealous of porn stars. I feel like a lot of women that have an issue with their men watching porn are just super insecure in themselves, and that's not fair to them, especially if you don't feel like having sex. I think it's true that porn can lead to unrealistic expectations, but if you have an open discussion with them it shouldn't cause an issue.

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  • Sounds like he has an addiction. But, watching porn is healthy and maybe ask to watch it with him.

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  • I don't see the problem with porn.

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  • Does he talk to the girls on those webcam sites?

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  • Just normal (just be honest and do what you love)

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  • big turn off sorry

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  • Interesting

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