Why I Never Intend to Come Out as Bisexual

Why I Never Intend to Come Out as Bisexual

My experience

I've recently came to terms that I'm also attracted to woman it's something I've struggle with since I was a child but never told anyone. I was always confused and thought because I'd never seen it before as a child "why can't girls be with girls" I just thought it wasn't a thing.

As I got older I started getting attracted to girls as well as boys but never acted on it and just admired them in my head. I remember a couple times I'd go in to hug a girl friend and I'd have the instinct to kiss her one time I nearly did and the girl didn't react to it well and called me a freak and other cruel words.

It's no one's business but mine.

There's always been rumors about my sexuality but I don't feel it's anyone's business but mine, I've never heard a straight person go around telling everyone they're straight because no one cares so why should anyone care what I prefer in my bed?

My worries

I've never dated anyone but right now I have a crush on a guy and I worry he'll judge me and so will my family as I've grown up with all woman and I don't want to be seen as different from who I was before if I came out, I want people to like me for me also I feel my relationships with female friends will feel uncomfortable if I did because they'll feel weird around me and think I fancy them or something.Why I Never Intend to Come Out as Bisexual

What made me realise I like women as well as men

Strange one I know but one day I was on instagram and a porn video came up by accident, I'd never seen lesbian porn before let alone porn, I used to be very innocent and prudish before I found porn but I instantly got extremely aroused and it felt right and I wanted it for myself. Also last year I was watching I'm a celebrity get me out of her (a British reality program) and I started to have a massive crush on Vanessa White from the girl band, The Saturdays ⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇ I just think she a gorgeous goddess. Honestly, I don't even like her music but just WOW.Why I Never Intend to Come Out as Bisexual

I don't want the stigma put on me and I don't get labels

I've noticed a lot of people assume bisexual people just like to sleep around or just want to be different and special when in truth I'm a shy, virgin, who votes conservative. If I end up with a guy I don't want people saying "oh so you are straight you were just going through a phase" no I still like women I just happened to fall for a man. That's what being bisexual is, I'm not a lesbian, there's a difference but at the same time I hate labels and I don't understand why people identity and express themselves though their sexual preferences. No one's cares, it's 2018. You're nothing out of the ordinary, you're not special, you're just another person going through the same shit as everyone else.Why I Never Intend to Come Out as Bisexual

P.s. This is my first myTake so sorry if it's bad and sorry as well if there's any grammar or spelling mistakes, I have disylexia #boxticker


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Cool, it's your business but I have a few questions if you don't mind.

    1.) When you say it's no ones business but your own do you include your family in that? For example, I couldn't bring my ex to family dinners or holiday's because he was a dude. That mattered to my family and me, and as I get older that will no longer be the case. I also told my close friends because I thought they deserved to know that my partner was a dude, because that might make it weird down the road.

    2.) Do you consider not offering that information to your partner dishonest?

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    • If i did go out with a girl I'd probably keep it secret till it was serious enough and I was thinking about having a life with her then yeah of course id tell them but in my situation I don't think I'll ever act on being bisexual as I have stronger feelings towards men and I'm just physically attracted to women and not emotionally attracted so I'll just admire them in my thoughts.

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    • Because she think that it didn't effect her relationship with a man in the slightest, as she claim to prefer a man, and straight men tend to be more okay with that then lesbian women, so she can claim that there is a less chance that a man would be offended by her hiding that information from him.

    • @Berethor Sounds like she's saying the opposite to me. My understanding is that she's saying she'd hide it because she thinks the man wouldn't stay if she informed him about her sexuality.

      I suppose we'll see if she answers.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I've known I was bi since age fourteen but didn't know the label for my feelings. I knew I liked girls and boys and finally explored it at age 18 when I told a mature male friend, he found me a girlfriend.
    When I later told my high-school friends when we were adults, they pushed me out of the bathroom when they went in as if I was going to rape them, and forbade me to tell one of our female friends that would be even more judgmental, so she was the only who doesn't know.

    I do not care to disclose it to family and those who do not know, just the man I date or the girl I am interested in. And for some reason I am never scared to tell a girl I like her, my friends acted weird but I usually get good reaction from girls, they are almost always in, and those who aren't respectfully decline.

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What Guys Said 48

  • Well if you end up dating a man and later a woman during your life people will notice you've gone out with both sexes so there is a chance this is going to come out anyway at some point.

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    • I know and of course I would tell my close loved ones if I did date a girl but I actually don't think ill ever act on it as my feelings for men are much stronger then they are for women, I'm physically attracted to woman but I can hate a girls guts and still be attracted to her physically but with a guy it's more deep and I like them on a personal level. if that makes sense that's another reason why I don't feel the need to tell anyone in my situation

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    • I'm not going to marry a woman... so unless it gets that serious... no one in my family is going to find out!!!

    • @DocilexElle Yes basically

  • So much easier on a woman who comes out as bi, versus a man. You might not want to believe me, but when a guy tells a woman he's bi, she's hearing "gay". To most women (in my experience) there is no such thing as a bi guy - if a guy has been with a man, he's gay. Conversely, most women see it as ok for a woman to be bi, and they don't stigmatize her as gay. So, for me, it's a tough decision as to whether I'm coming out as bi.

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    • you can do it if you want to, bi guy means bi guy dont worry about what those punks think :'( <3

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    • @N0-On3
      I think a total gay guy would definitely be judgmental concerning his bi boyfriend liking girls.

    • Oh gotcha

  • Any disrespectful opinion should simply be ignored. “Simply” and “easily” are sadly not the same thing, but if decide to have a relationship with a woman you’ll be judged the same way as lesbians no matter how you feel about men. Unless you go straight, it’s only a matter of time. (Please note that everything I said was done so with perfect respect.)

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  • No need to tell anybody, if you're happy doing so, you can just admire them from afar :)

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    • Totally agree I don't really intend on dating a girl unless I did get strong feelings her which I doubt, I just admire them from afar like you said because it's more physical then emotional with women in my situation

    • Sexual attraction is physical, so what makes it less? you physically attracted to guys too?

    • @Berethor I'm emotionally attracted to men as well but not much with women

  • No body is bisexual because if a man has sex with a woman, his seed is going to desire to find the egg of a woman and that woman's egg is going to welcome the seed of a man.

    It's a paradox to think homosexuality is legit because our body would be designed to be able to accept the homosexuality and it's not.

    For you folks who want to argue: I said no body, not nobody.

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  • That's OK- it's your business who you are attracted to, not everyone else's (unless you want them to know).

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  • If you develop feelings for a guy and settle into a LTR with him, will you feel that you are missing out on the opportunity to have a sexual experience with a female?

    "you're just another person going through the same shit as everyone else" Actually, everyone else is not confronting being a bisexual and what that means for their life. As much as you want to have a self-concept of being "normal," in a statistical sense, being bisexual is not the norm. Denying that facet of your existence is probably counter-productive.

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  • I don't think I ever will. My wife would not understand at all. I am not so much attracted to men as much as I love getting blowjobs and to be honest some of the best ones I've had have been from younger gay men.

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    • Mine wouldn't either. A couple times she almost caught some material on my computer/phone. I wss able to completely disagree the suspicion, but shit, her jokes were almost cruel.

  • Who cares. I've heard people saying that I look gay but is not something I am gonna discuss about. People will always judge you one way or another. For some of us is gay, for others is drogatic, or alcoholic. At the end none of them cares to know who you are, so why botter to hear them?

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  • Life is extremely short and it would be a shame that you missed out on one the most sensual parts by worrying what other people feel and do. Relax, take small steps, get advice, talk to those closest to you, find people with common interests and live your life to the fullest, with them.

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  • You just do you lady, I'm not straight or bi or gay, I keep it to myself as people label it and it bothers me, my sexuality is just kinda fluid and whatever ha

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  • If nobody knows you're bisexual, it decreases your chances of finding a proper partner.

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  • My girlfriend is bisexual. I have no problem with it, we like a lot of the same porn and we can openly talk to each other about people and content we find attractive. It's actually something we connect to each other well with.

    I'm also OK with her pursuing other girls if she wants. I'm pretty open-minded about that stuff, and I know i'll always be her #1, even if she also falls for someone new. The idea of a threesome is hot and all, but even if I can't be involved at that level (say the other girl is lesbian, not bi), I still don't want to get in the way of her expressing her sexuality.

    My girlfriend has never told her family outrigth, and doesn't really see a need to, but i'm really glad she told me. I want to share everything with her.

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  • Another girl who is bisexual, who would had guest guessed. As for it being 'no one's business', it's an business of the person who you might date in the future. :)

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  • Yeah, I think sometimes people that do identify in whatever sexual state you are at, feel the "need" to "come out" to everyone. Either for personal vindication or relief, or just for show I think as well.

    To me, your sexual preference IS your own. You can share that to the person you want to share it with. That is your business, you're right, on if you feel you want to share it at all. Also, people who know you or are in your circle will understand well enough eventually if you do ever pursue your desire to be with another woman. But if you ever get into a relationship, that's probably the time you should share your sexuality, if you want an honest and open relationship that will be healthy and happy.

    It's courageous enough to say it here, let alone in real life. So I hope you feel good about yourself.

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  • Like you said, strait people dont go around saying to everyone, hey I'm strait. Keep to you self, and share only with somebody you trust. Really trust..

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  • hey, i discover that im "pansexual" today too. By posting a poll. now i see any hole i put my peepee in. thanks for the advice guys. appreciate it. NOw i know what to do next

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  • I can totally agree my problem is being transgender , what I want I cannot achieve so I try and bury my turmoil of feelings. Keep taking the antidepressants and hope I don't kill myself !!!

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  • Bi guy says everyone thought. He was gay since. 11-12 years old. So no coming out needed.
    Joni says Fuck em feed em fish heads... what ever that means

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  • Pretty common. Most women are bisexual but continue to say they're straight

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    • No, they are not. Unfortunately, life isn't that easy and most women are straight. The reason why people seem to think this is due to homosexuality being seen as more acceptable for women. For men, they're called things like weak, girly and so on. Women don't have to deal with this, so more women tend to come out as bi, lesbian, pan, etc. What's more, they typical sexual categories are somewhat flawed, as sexuality exists alongside a spectrum, not a tick one box sort of thing. Both men and women tend to see even the slightest bit of sexual attraction to the same sex for women as being bi. It isn't looked at in the same way for men due to concepts of masculinity holding them back.

    • @RachelleDraws Women's sexuality is fluid. A 2010 survey of college-aged women, for example, found that 84 percent have fantasized about same-sex encounters or have had a same-sex attraction. And in a study by Meredith Chivers female participants (irrespective of the sexual orientation they identified with) became aroused in response to all types of stimuli — from straight and lesbian porn

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What Girls Said 22

  • Congraz on getting it out here. Getting it off your chest lifts a massive weight off your shoulders. But keep in mind, you don't have to come out until you're absolutely ready, but you're going to have to do it at one point in your life if you wish to date women.

    Personally, I've always known I'm lesbian ever since I was a little girl. I mean, I would chase girls around and try to kiss them after seeing girls to the same to boys. I've been lucky most of the time when telling new friends about my sexuality, mainly because I tell them early on. There was this one incidence when I told a girl after she asked me what boy I had a crush on, I told her I didn't like boys and that I had a crush on a girl, (Who I named) she freaked out and ended up telling as many people as she could that I tried to grope her, which I did not. This lead to a lot of bullying. Apart from that incident, I've been alright, they've always been kind and understanding about it, but of course, depending on the country and area you live, you might get different reactions.

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  • It is your business. But if you date a guy... and plan to have an intimate relationship with him... he has a right to know. He has a right to make an informed decision. I do not want to date a bisexual man. If a man didn't tell me I would consider this a lie.

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  • I understand where you're coming from. The only people who know I'm bisexual are my best friend and my fiance. I don't feel the need to tell my family because it's my business and since I'm marrying a man, they'll probably think I sound crazy. But I'm not crazy. I'm attracted to women and men and I was lucky enough to find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, in a loving monogamous relationship.

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  • I wouldn't come out as bisexual soon to my family because my Dad's view on it is VERY negative. He already found out how I'm kinda sexual... which makes me sick. BUT he will probably think this is a phase... liking women. I've kissed and gone to second base with two girls. Though... if I have any desire to get as serious as marriage with a woman... that is the ONLY way I will come out to my family.

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  • I'm bi, and I don't care what people think. Let them hate. Let them name-call. Let them be disgusted. Who gives a fluff? They will never love me, and I'm fine with that; I don't need a homophobic and abusive partner.

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  • I agree it's noone's business but you say that the guy you're crushing on may judge you.

    If he's gonna judge you and make a big deal out of it, better late than sorry. Do it in the beginning. You don't need to come out to the whole world, but to the ones that may be affected, or that may affect you in the future.

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  • If it's no one's business, then why did you make a mytake about it, on a website where thousands of people will see it?

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    • I know people would think this but I wanted to hear others opinions on it and see if they agreed

  • I really liked your take. By my experience, if you ever decide to tell someone you also like girls if they really like you they'll respect you. Maybe it'll take a while to get used to a "new" thing about you, but they'll get there eventually. As for your crush is your choice if you really want him to know something so important about you, and if you like him you have to be even more careful. So tell him sooner than later. That's because if he is someone that's still has a mind from another century might not be happy, so its better if your not too deep (this is more of a protection thing you know...)

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  • There's absolutely no need to disclose it as long as you're happy as a closet bisexual.

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  • You don't have to come out until you're ready, but at some point it's gonna come out. Especially if you plan on acting on it.

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  • I have been bisexual since I was a teenager and I keep it mostly to myself, my boyfriend and our sexual partners.

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  • Thanks for sharing and allowing us to know whats on your mind. Stay strong.

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  • Yet you post that lol

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    • I've already mentioned this but as you can tell I made it anonymous for a reason I was just wondering what others opinions and thought on the topic and share their own experience

  • Nice article, I enjoyed it very much

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  • Same.

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  • How old are you?

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    • 20 but I was 19 when I wrote this

  • Interesting

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  • Ohk. This is probably out of context but Girls! Harry Styles is probably bisexual! What do you feel about that. Oh Goodness!

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    • I've always kind of guessed that about him but if he's happy and safe with it I don't see a problem

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    • Yeah well he probably doesn't feel the need to like me as well and is just happy doing his own thing
      which I applaud him for

    • Exactly!

  • I relate to this so hard. I always just assumed that I was straight, but at some point i realized that I check out girls a lot, I started questioning things, and came to the conclusion that I'm bi. My parents are accepting of people who are gay or lesbian but they have always said "bisexual isn't a think, you like girls or guys but not both"

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  • As someone who realized they were bisexual as well I know what you're going through. I accepted later as well for me it was as if I was in a limbo stage. I was always told either or so I never gave validity to bisexuality. Eventually I did though... and it was tough. But honestly very obvious in hindsight. The more and longer you mentally come to terms with your bisexuality you'll be more comfortable with it. It took me a few years and I haven't come out to everyone in my life except for very close friends and relationship partners. I have lost friends, that's a possibility too. But if you loose friends, they weren't friends anyway. I also learned to distance myself for homo/biphobes as well. That works and I have no issues doing it well. I even dated a guy who is very bi/homophobic but he eventually learned how to accept me when he realized he could loose me if he didn't change. Staying in the closet to everyone in my life started to hurt me so I had to let it go somehow. Remember you're not obligated to come out to everyone and you can pick and choose who. Getting more LGBT friends also helps

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