Thinking About Sending or Asking for Nudes? This is What Happened to Me...

Thinking About Sending or Asking for Nudes? This is What Happened to Me...

I was first asked for nudes on snapchat by someone I didn't really know when I was 12. I was horrified and immediately blocked them. Since then, I have been asked multiple times and said no every time, until about 2 months ago.

Thinking About Sending or Asking for Nudes? This is What Happened to Me...

This time it was my boyfriend that asked. I at first said I was uncomfortable with it and didn't want our relationship to go in that direction yet, since we were just 16 and hadn't even been dating for 1 month. That wasn't true, I hate the idea of nudes and I just didn't want my boyfriend to think I was a prude. I'm kinda insecure though, and if a guy likes me, well, I don't really see how much of an asshole he is. He continued to ask and ask. Looking back on it now, I should've just broken up with him then because all he really cared about was my body. He didn't want to get to know me or anything. But me being me, I didn't see that and was scared I was gonna lose this guy if I didn't do what he asked. So I sent him one. He screenshotted. He asked for more.

I sent him about five before I started to panic. I was absolutely petrified of someone finding out. Before opening instagram, I had panic attacks in fear that he might have posted them. I guess that's just how much I trusted him. Another sign I missed.

Last week, I found out he was hitting on other girls and asking them for nudes too. I broke up with him, but said it was because we weren't talking as much anymore and I felt like we were growing apart. This was because I was afraid he'd get angry at me and share the nudes. I can't talk to my friends about him cheating on me because they might confront him and then he'll tell them I sent him nudes as revenge. I'm still petrified and I will never send one again. He wasn't even upset when I broke up with him. This is how I knew for sure that he didn't care about me at all. Only my body.

Thinking About Sending or Asking for Nudes? This is What Happened to Me...

So guys, if you ask a girl for nudes, you are telling them that you don't care about their mind or their personality, only their bodies. Wait until we want to send them. Wait until we trust you.

Girls, if a guy asks you for nudes, you deserve better. Find someone who loves your brain over your boobs.

I have beaten myself up about this so so much and I don't wish it on anybody. I have realised now that I need to be confident in myself and I must learn how to say no. I shouldn't have to follow someone's every wish just because they say they like me. I need to be more secure in myself and my beliefs.

So if you really want nudes, Kim Kardashian's instagram has plenty.

Thinking About Sending or Asking for Nudes? This is What Happened to Me...
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35Guy Opinion

Most Helpful Guys

  • N192K001
    Check with the laws of your jurisdiction to see if you're considered underaged, because that may be constitute child porn. Hence, it's advisable to NEVER send nudes, especially if legally underaged. Many legislatures have failed to update their anti-child porn laws, so you could be charged for creation, possession, and distribution (like the pre-selfie porn-makers who preyed on kids), despite being the victim who was photographed. Of course, the consequences will be very serious, even life-long, depending on your country's laws. (Is he a legal adult? If he is, his penalty may be even greater.)

    Even if legally an adult, blackmail is possible and many have already committed suicide because of it. So, indeed, say "No" like your own life were on the line, because it very well could be.

    Would it be possible to warn/exchange notes with these "other girls" you mentioned? As a group, you might be able threaten him into deleting all the nudes and stop asking for them, with the threat of being reported to the police. (Maybe, have some trusted men around, just to be safe.) Spreading the word may also stop many girls from compromising themselves for his petty pleasures.
    Is this still revelant?
  • OlderAndWiser
    The message you have given is what I have been warning young people about for several years. Everyone thinks, 'nothing will happen to me.' Unfortunately, when it does happen, it's too late to undo the damage and the results can be devastating.

    Thanks for sharing this story with us!
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girls

  • TrixiePooch
    That is what I tell everyone, if you send nudes they may get spread around the internet or to your friends or family. Think how embarrassing that would be. Today unless you don't have a boyfriend girls may feel like losers. So to keep a guy they do dumb things like sending nudes or have sex. That just shows how low a girl's self esteem and self image is sometimes. Don't think that you have to do this stuff to keep a boyfriend because these boys who ask you for that are not into you, just your bod and are not worth keeping and makes one wonder why you even liked them.
    Is this still revelant?
  • close2heaven
    I am so proud of you for taking that step and knowing what was entirely wrong and further knowing not only what you didn't want to do, but you came to a huge platform like this one and openly shared what is a very private story so others could understand what could and has happened to others. You're wise for your age and truly a role model to girls through this statement. This obviously can apply both ways. No matter who or what, it's wrong and I'm proud of you for knowing and doing something about it.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      That means so so much to me. Thank you

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • smokeandberry
    Honestly it's never the action of sending the nudes that's the problem, it's who you're sending them to and what situation you're getting yourself into.

    You were pressured at a young age so you're not at fault here but if you're with someone who's manipulative, often blackmails or something just isn't right then yes you're going to regret sending them even if nothing bad happens - it'll torment you.

    But I've sent nudes before. Plenty tbh. To boyfriends who have loved me and just to little flings where the both of us really only care about sex - it's fun to spice things up and if I enjoy it then let's go for it. It's a two way thing, like most things are.

    I'd never take one with my face in it (for my own security to keep my mind at bay), I'd do it with someone who I trust and I know doesn't have a bad record, they wouldn't be allowed to take screenshots, and I'd be getting photos of them too.

    You can be as careful as you can be and still have your photos spread about I totally accept that but most of the time you really have to stand on your own feet. You CAN say no. If someone's making you uncomfortable LEAVE them - they're not worth your time. But also if you enjoy it and you trust that person then by all means go for it
  • IndieGirlJess
    Don't send anything that you would not be allowed to post on here or Facebook. At all! Not even ones without your face. For one no one will believe it's you anyway without a face. For another once you do that it will escalate to them wanting sex or to do a sex video of you giving them a BJ. The guys who do this are so pathetic, but not quite as much as the girls that do it just to keep a boyfriend who don't really care about what is behind your eyeballs, just what is below your neck..
  • laurieluvsit
    Ms A, I so love your post on two levels. First, you are so honest about what you have considered to be a big mistake. If I can just say one thing about that... we all make them, some smaller and some even much bigger ones. That is part of life and no one except those evil individuals among us will ever condemn you for that. You made it and as the great girl that you are, you have learned from it and are moving on, even helping others as a result. Second, you are so articulate in your writing it is amazing. You should consider expanding your writing and communication skills as I think you have the potential to help many people and when you help others, you help yourself, and what a great job of it you are doing, even now! Don't beat yourself up over this anymore, the water has passed way under the bridge and has entered the ocean of forgetfulness. Your a great girl - ALL IS FORGIVEN!Thinking About Sending or Asking for Nudes? This is What Happened to Me...Thinking About Sending or Asking for Nudes? This is What Happened to Me...
  • CubsterShura
    Reminds me of the days when my ex BEGGED me for nudes and when I kept refusing, he accused me of not loving him and trusting him.

    And this is the same guy who directly or indirectly kept telling me that I wasn't 'religious enough'.
  • Anon-ymous1
    Is there a downvote option? I'd use it.
    Yes, sending nudes to someone you aren't sure you should send them to yet is a bad idea, and yet it seems like you're blaming your boyfriend for wanting sex with you (which is why guys ask for nudes), even though that's something totally normal and okay for him to want. Why are these topics always, always, always seen through the vein of *male sexuality is bad?* It's horseshit. It's low-brow crap. Don't tell guys they can't ask for nudes-- I have some myself, and I've never been anything other than totally responsible with them; I'd never share them with anyone. Ever. And the girls who sent them to me know that.

    The problem is not with nudes; it's with untrustworthy individuals. A guy can be a very normal, wants-to-fuck-and-look-at-pretty-girls person, and not even entertain the notion of disrespectfully sharing nudes. You've created a false equivalency here, and for some reason, people are eating it up. I'm sorry about your self-doubt and I don't wish anything wrong against you, but there's no point in trying to make guys in general look bad for this reason.
    • I don’t feel like she was trying to make guys in general look bad, I feel like she was just trying to warn girls about sending nudes to guys that aren’t trustworthy so that we won’t go through the same shit she did.

    • @Ana_Moonsong I suppose so, but she went about it poorly and gave a different message in my opinion.

  • InTimoreDei
    "So guys, if you ask a girl for nudes, you are telling them that you don't care about their mind or their personality, only their bodies. Wait until we want to send them. Wait until we trust you."

    ORRR... here's an amazing idea... Don't ever send them? Heard too many horror stories about this.

    Funny thing is though... sending pictures in underwear is "scandalous" but then girls go to the beach half naked in their tiny bikinis. LOL. It's pretty much the same thing.
  • Reach500
    I don't think sending anyone nudes is ever a good idea... ever.
    Especially if you're a girl
  • elizamichale2
    Absolutely right
    I used to be like you at start but then because my ex pushed me for it and we were dating for a while so i sent him quite a few and didn't mind till we broke up due to his own stupid things
    He would ask me to see him but i would deny ofcourse so in revenge he not only sent my nudes to my friends he knew but also to my brothers and dad
    U can imagine my horror at that
    • Dingsbums

      People really don’t seem to have decency

    • @Dingsbums no they dont care

    • Dingsbums

      U don’t send those pics to a lot of people if u don’t care... seems more like someone who got his pride hurt and is inmature

    • Show All
  • Natalie11299
    I love this and completely agree with it! I had a horrible experience with nudes as well... I ended up being blackmailed and police were involved. Learned my lesson the hard way.
  • Shadow44
    I agree a guy whotruly loves you won't car eif you send them or not. Though if he does ask it doesn't necessarily mean he just cares about your body. Though personally I think it's best not to send nudes even to the ones you trust. They might not post them but they can get hacked and the hacker may post them.

    Can I ask you one question? Did you post your face in any of them? If not then you can deny it's you if they do get out.
  • Guanfei
    You can ask for nudes, but it needs to be asked politely, without harassing, and most of all, a no is a no.
    And if you send nudes, do it without your face on it. And with a plain background and nothing that can be identified as yours.

    Sending nudes or asking for it isn't a crime, you just have to be careful and be respectful.
  • mynesterion
    I've never understood this phenomenon of social media nudes. Of course I can see how this would be attractive to the guys but why would a girl ever agree to this in private, let alone online. I must be old fashioned. In my day such a request would be equivalent to suicide. Angry brothers, fathers, and uncles swarming to beat me into a coma and I would deserve it. Have moral values slipped so badly?
    • I am afraid they have!

    • Multi

      The old days kids went over to each others houses and had actual sex. Nowadays kids ask for nudes and beat off to a picture. Thats all im going to say. You could see the stupidendous differences and just how idiotic this generation is.

  • SaskiaBlueRaySoul
    hey, being of an older gen this is a whole new horrific world to me as an example a friend of mine a few years younger met a guy from a dating site and i was totally shocked to hear she was having web cam type sex with him... omg... for me.. my immediate thoughts were anyone can be recording this type of activity and of course this applies to photos sent.. if ever my advice is take them on your own phone and only use them with the person whilst in each others company... xx
  • Dchrls78104
    Unfortunately, you are one of many victims of the cruelest form of rank objectification. This guy was never your boyfriend; he was merely a conman who just wanted to see you naked and maybe show his friends.

    Your story is a cautionary tale, but you don't have to be.
  • JudgmentDay
    NEVER EVER SEND THEM! If possible, send fabricated and faked or 'shopped ones, and ONLY do so WITHOUT your face or anything that can identify you as you or give away your true and real identity.
    • Why even send a fake one? These assholes don't need to be asking for nudes in the first place. Tell them to get a Playboy and go take it in the bathroom and take a cold shower.

    • @TrixiePooch Easier to shut them up, they probably can't tell either way. And even if they did realize it was a fake, tell them to go fuck themselves and fuck off. And never ever send one with the person's face.

    • But... if you even send a fake one they will keep asking for more and maybe even escalate it to wanting sex. Hey, she is ok with showing me what she has, she must want sex too.

  • worldscolide
    I personally have never asked for nudes.. I have received them unsolicited though.. I just feel like its too much risk for stuff like that to be sent over the web.. Not safe, and too much risk of other people getting those
  • Lance1965
    Why send or receive nudes? You know the internet is full of nudes already right?

    Grow up, have some class and leave your clothes on till the right time and right place. Sending nudes online is tacky.
  • JimRSmith
    Good point, well made.

    The moral of the story is, kids, don't send nudes.
  • DiegoO
    Don't send nudes with all and your face, that's the only rule that should be followed, and regardless of your sex, always start by offering to send nudes first, if it's denied, don't ask for any or send any. Easy as that.

    *Only if things get hot start talking about nudes.
  • Bluedream13
    a girl sent me nudes in highschool even though i didn't ask for em lol... she was smart enough to crop her face out of em though. It's kinky, but if somebody is doing that kind of stuff they are probably not relationship material
  • Unit1
    Exactly! Live and learn and let the others know to prepare for the consequences of sending nudes. You are a demonstration of what will happen otherwise so that the others can learn from it before doing your mistakes.

    Forget the nudes, those are not needed for a functional and healthy relationship.

    "So if you really want nudes, Kim Kardashian's instagram has plenty."

    Nein, that's shite. This is why we have pornhub ♥ it's much better.
  • RazmanianDevil
    Here's my advice to everyone who sends nudes

    Unless you're ready to fuck that per son and are perfectly comfortable being naked around them don't send them nudes.
  • AbdKilani
    Oh :(
    I feel bad , that a good girl like you had to deal with that
    I hate the fact that guys asks for nudes
    Or send D pics , just be more gentle and respectful
  • zagor
    Why the hell would anyone send nudes? There are plenty of nude pics on the web. If someone contacted you on the internet and asked you to send them $500 to be your friend, would you take that deal?
  • Browneye57
    Yep, pretty dumb. Don't send any picture you don't want to eventually end up on the internet for public viewing. :)
  • Hummers_Frost
    I am sorry that happened and if I could help cheer you up, then please never send anything sexual again. If you were my daughter, I'd be livid and irate and would search for that boy and inform his parents.
  • Gedaria
    Its a hard lesson to go through. But if you feel compelled to this don't show your face. It would be better not to show anything...
  • Badballie
    You stupid young girl. Boys and men, want nude porno pictures so they can fantasize about these pics when they masturbate. Males will do anything to get into your panties, ie to fuck you. Males will talk and so on but every thought is how can they have sex with you. I am a man with 3 sons, I know how all normal men behave. If your boyfriend wants nude pics tell him there millions on the internet.
    Your should have told you about men, I told my 2 daughters exactly what men want.
    All fathers tell your daughters, you have not your fathering if you don't.
    • That's extremely rude from your part. She's not stupid, she was just confused and naive. You shouldn't be speaking like that about someone who just shared a story that is hurtful for her.
      If something like that ever happened to your daughters I hope you'd be much more conscious on your choose of language

  • GoodGuyBreakingBad
    Thank you for sharing this MyTake with us. I hope things get better for you and i think it's disgusting when a guy asks a girl for nudes that just
    shows you he is a sex predator and most likely he belongs locked up
    where big bubba can get him it's so sad to think where this world has
    went to and things are getting worst we are living under a society that
    your afraid what your going to hear next on the news and i think the
    signs of Jesus returning is very soon and no one believes me but we
    are living in the days before Christs second coming and it will be soon
    i just hope i live to see it cause i want go with him where there is Peace
    and everything is Heavenly I don't want live in this Hell anymore.
    God Bless You !!! I wish you the best :) Take care and thanks so much!!!
  • Multi
    First of all this is what a moron does. You should have learned if anyone asks for nudes its because they only care for your body. Your making it sound like men are the only bad ones here. Women are pervs too. Society brainwashes people to think women are so mature than men and men only chase for boobs and sex and not personality or anything. Sadly SOME men are like that. BUT GUESS WHAT there's women who do it too. So stop talking like women are these goddesses that need to be treated like a princess. Im sick and tired of posts like this
    • It’s mainly because she was pushed into doing something she didn’t want to do, sure some women are guilty but she does not deserve that no one does...

    • Multi

      @xButterflyKisses87x 3 feminists couldnt handle the truth. If she was raped then i would feel bad but this... She had complete control over it. Who in their right mind sends nudes in the first place? If you really want to show him nudes you might as well go to his house and have sex with him and not get caught. I swear its as if technology makes morons more stupider than they already are which is the polar opposite of it. And the asker acts like girls dont ask guys for nudes. Do women really think they have it harder than guys. Guys have it just as bad. in the end i do agree with the asker saying if a guy asks for nudes she should just leave him. You see in the time i live in people go to each others houses and have sex and not beat off to a picture 😂. God bless this generations of dumbasses

  • JennieF
    I sent a bunch to my husband (before he was my husband, as well as after.) No harm.
  • Revolver_
    I send unsolicited nudes to random people all the time
  • jacquesvol
    Only send nudes without your face on them.
  • GayHowellMeme
    I will never send nudes again
  • Jazzigirl
    This happened to me yesterday, be careful girls!!
  • VaIiant
    Not to mention, its child pornography.
  • Cocaine0
    Nice article. thanks for sharing your story.
  • zivvk
    Nice mytake i agree
  • fitemeat
    never do this
  • johnDohe
    May I have some brain pics
  • RebeccaSJ
    I've done them for my now-hubby.
  • Anonymous
    I'm sorry that happened to you.

    And there are guys who won't ask. Or don't even like them.
  • Anonymous
    I'm so terribly sorry to hear that, I hope you're doing better now.
  • Anonymous
    Why doesn’t it show her age?
  • Anonymous
    Cool duck
  • Anonymous
    Thank goodness my brother is a decent guy that never asks his girlfriend for nudes. He even wrote a myTake on GAG about the chances of being identified from the photo and the Exif data contained in it.

    Even innocent photos can identify you, or at least, where you live or other information about you. Gotta be so frickin' careful!
  • Anonymous
    Send a picture of your nails with no nail polish on them. He didn't specify what had to be nude...
  • Anonymous
    I've never in my life considered sending nudes and I really don't think it's advisable for anyone even if you love that person because in this day and age, there are hackers, there are people who break up and use the nudes for revenge, and even accidentally, someone may go through their phone/computer, and there you are.

    I was recently actually watching a show where this woman's ex who turned out to be a real nut job, emailed her entire company her nudes after she broke up with him and filed a restraining order. She was then forced to quit and he threatened that anywhere she started working, he would do the same. I mean, you never know. There is such a real danger these days with being too public. Obviously, this is after the fact for you, so I'm glad you're sharing your story and hopefully it will make someone think twice about doing it. I'm also glad that perhaps you're starting to understand your self-worth a bit more. Anyone who would try to make you feel bad about saying no to something, especially something involving your body, isn't worth it.
  • Anonymous
    I don't think I would have done this as a teenager, but it's good to hear this perspective since I have a daughter who will one day be a Teenager and possibly asked for nudes.
  • Anonymous
    Nice myTake