Thinking About Sending or Asking for Nudes? This is What Happened to Me...

Thinking About Sending or Asking for Nudes? This is What Happened to Me...

I was first asked for nudes on snapchat by someone I didn't really know when I was 12. I was horrified and immediately blocked them. Since then, I have been asked multiple times and said no every time, until about 2 months ago.

Thinking About Sending or Asking for Nudes? This is What Happened to Me...

This time it was my boyfriend that asked. I at first said I was uncomfortable with it and didn't want our relationship to go in that direction yet, since we were just 16 and hadn't even been dating for 1 month. That wasn't true, I hate the idea of nudes and I just didn't want my boyfriend to think I was a prude. I'm kinda insecure though, and if a guy likes me, well, I don't really see how much of an asshole he is. He continued to ask and ask. Looking back on it now, I should've just broken up with him then because all he really cared about was my body. He didn't want to get to know me or anything. But me being me, I didn't see that and was scared I was gonna lose this guy if I didn't do what he asked. So I sent him one. He screenshotted. He asked for more.

I sent him about five before I started to panic. I was absolutely petrified of someone finding out. Before opening instagram, I had panic attacks in fear that he might have posted them. I guess that's just how much I trusted him. Another sign I missed.

Last week, I found out he was hitting on other girls and asking them for nudes too. I broke up with him, but said it was because we weren't talking as much anymore and I felt like we were growing apart. This was because I was afraid he'd get angry at me and share the nudes. I can't talk to my friends about him cheating on me because they might confront him and then he'll tell them I sent him nudes as revenge. I'm still petrified and I will never send one again. He wasn't even upset when I broke up with him. This is how I knew for sure that he didn't care about me at all. Only my body.

Thinking About Sending or Asking for Nudes? This is What Happened to Me...

So guys, if you ask a girl for nudes, you are telling them that you don't care about their mind or their personality, only their bodies. Wait until we want to send them. Wait until we trust you.

Girls, if a guy asks you for nudes, you deserve better. Find someone who loves your brain over your boobs.

I have beaten myself up about this so so much and I don't wish it on anybody. I have realised now that I need to be confident in myself and I must learn how to say no. I shouldn't have to follow someone's every wish just because they say they like me. I need to be more secure in myself and my beliefs.

So if you really want nudes, Kim Kardashian's instagram has plenty.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Check with the laws of your jurisdiction to see if you're considered underaged, because that may be constitute child porn. Hence, it's advisable to NEVER send nudes, especially if legally underaged. Many legislatures have failed to update their anti-child porn laws, so you could be charged for creation, possession, and distribution (like the pre-selfie porn-makers who preyed on kids), despite being the victim who was photographed. Of course, the consequences will be very serious, even life-long, depending on your country's laws. (Is he a legal adult? If he is, his penalty may be even greater.)

    Even if legally an adult, blackmail is possible and many have already committed suicide because of it. So, indeed, say "No" like your own life were on the line, because it very well could be.

    Would it be possible to warn/exchange notes with these "other girls" you mentioned? As a group, you might be able threaten him into deleting all the nudes and stop asking for them, with the threat of being reported to the police. (Maybe, have some trusted men around, just to be safe.) Spreading the word may also stop many girls from compromising themselves for his petty pleasures.

    • True, but that's a very interesting loophole. If they charge you as an adult, then the photos of you are an Adult. You cannot abuse yourself, right? You just need to give the police a list of every person you sent them to. If they distributed, then they can be changed...

    • @BubbaTech I'm not familiar with weather they are charged as juveniles or adults (though that would probably vary by jurisdiction), but, yes, the recipients should be chargeable as well. As to saving them by the technical inability to self-abuse, that doesn't seem to be the case in most jurisdictions. Otherwise (assuming that sufficiently-competent defense-lawyers, just judges, and reasonable jurors), many then-teens wouldn't have been successfully convicted, jailed, and registered as sex-offenders for life. Sad, but… what legislators want smearing for "being light on child-sex-abusers" by opponents? The decades' outdated law needs updating, but the hyper-partisanship today only hinders potential reforms from happening anytime in the near, foreseeable future.

  • The message you have given is what I have been warning young people about for several years. Everyone thinks, 'nothing will happen to me.' Unfortunately, when it does happen, it's too late to undo the damage and the results can be devastating.

    Thanks for sharing this story with us!

Most Helpful Girls

  • That is what I tell everyone, if you send nudes they may get spread around the internet or to your friends or family. Think how embarrassing that would be. Today unless you don't have a boyfriend girls may feel like losers. So to keep a guy they do dumb things like sending nudes or have sex. That just shows how low a girl's self esteem and self image is sometimes. Don't think that you have to do this stuff to keep a boyfriend because these boys who ask you for that are not into you, just your bod and are not worth keeping and makes one wonder why you even liked them.

  • I am so proud of you for taking that step and knowing what was entirely wrong and further knowing not only what you didn't want to do, but you came to a huge platform like this one and openly shared what is a very private story so others could understand what could and has happened to others. You're wise for your age and truly a role model to girls through this statement. This obviously can apply both ways. No matter who or what, it's wrong and I'm proud of you for knowing and doing something about it.

    • That means so so much to me. Thank you

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • hey, being of an older gen this is a whole new horrific world to me as an example a friend of mine a few years younger met a guy from a dating site and i was totally shocked to hear she was having web cam type sex with him... omg... for me.. my immediate thoughts were anyone can be recording this type of activity and of course this applies to photos sent.. if ever my advice is take them on your own phone and only use them with the person whilst in each others company... xx

  • Honestly it's never the action of sending the nudes that's the problem, it's who you're sending them to and what situation you're getting yourself into.

    You were pressured at a young age so you're not at fault here but if you're with someone who's manipulative, often blackmails or something just isn't right then yes you're going to regret sending them even if nothing bad happens - it'll torment you.

    But I've sent nudes before. Plenty tbh. To boyfriends who have loved me and just to little flings where the both of us really only care about sex - it's fun to spice things up and if I enjoy it then let's go for it. It's a two way thing, like most things are.

    I'd never take one with my face in it (for my own security to keep my mind at bay), I'd do it with someone who I trust and I know doesn't have a bad record, they wouldn't be allowed to take screenshots, and I'd be getting photos of them too.

    You can be as careful as you can be and still have your photos spread about I totally accept that but most of the time you really have to stand on your own feet. You CAN say no. If someone's making you uncomfortable LEAVE them - they're not worth your time. But also if you enjoy it and you trust that person then by all means go for it

  • Ms A, I so love your post on two levels. First, you are so honest about what you have considered to be a big mistake. If I can just say one thing about that... we all make them, some smaller and some even much bigger ones. That is part of life and no one except those evil individuals among us will ever condemn you for that. You made it and as the great girl that you are, you have learned from it and are moving on, even helping others as a result. Second, you are so articulate in your writing it is amazing. You should consider expanding your writing and communication skills as I think you have the potential to help many people and when you help others, you help yourself, and what a great job of it you are doing, even now! Don't beat yourself up over this anymore, the water has passed way under the bridge and has entered the ocean of forgetfulness. Your a great girl - ALL IS FORGIVEN!

    Thinking About Sending or Asking for Nudes? This is What Happened to Me...Thinking About Sending or Asking for Nudes? This is What Happened to Me...
  • Don't send anything that you would not be allowed to post on here or Facebook. At all! Not even ones without your face. For one no one will believe it's you anyway without a face. For another once you do that it will escalate to them wanting sex or to do a sex video of you giving them a BJ. The guys who do this are so pathetic, but not quite as much as the girls that do it just to keep a boyfriend who don't really care about what is behind your eyeballs, just what is below your neck..

  • This happened to me yesterday, be careful girls!!

  • Here's my advice to everyone who sends nudes

    Unless you're ready to fuck that per son and are perfectly comfortable being naked around them don't send them nudes.

  • I love this and completely agree with it! I had a horrible experience with nudes as well... I ended up being blackmailed and police were involved. Learned my lesson the hard way.

  • NEVER EVER SEND THEM! If possible, send fabricated and faked or 'shopped ones, and ONLY do so WITHOUT your face or anything that can identify you as you or give away your true and real identity.

    • Why even send a fake one? These assholes don't need to be asking for nudes in the first place. Tell them to get a Playboy and go take it in the bathroom and take a cold shower.

    • @TrixiePooch Easier to shut them up, they probably can't tell either way. And even if they did realize it was a fake, tell them to go fuck themselves and fuck off. And never ever send one with the person's face.

    • But... if you even send a fake one they will keep asking for more and maybe even escalate it to wanting sex. Hey, she is ok with showing me what she has, she must want sex too.

  • I agree a guy whotruly loves you won't car eif you send them or not. Though if he does ask it doesn't necessarily mean he just cares about your body. Though personally I think it's best not to send nudes even to the ones you trust. They might not post them but they can get hacked and the hacker may post them.

    Can I ask you one question? Did you post your face in any of them? If not then you can deny it's you if they do get out.

  • Good point, well made.

    The moral of the story is, kids, don't send nudes.

  • Not to mention, its child pornography.

  • I've never understood this phenomenon of social media nudes. Of course I can see how this would be attractive to the guys but why would a girl ever agree to this in private, let alone online. I must be old fashioned. In my day such a request would be equivalent to suicide. Angry brothers, fathers, and uncles swarming to beat me into a coma and I would deserve it. Have moral values slipped so badly?

    • I am afraid they have!

    • The old days kids went over to each others houses and had actual sex. Nowadays kids ask for nudes and beat off to a picture. Thats all im going to say. You could see the stupidendous differences and just how idiotic this generation is.

  • Reminds me of the days when my ex BEGGED me for nudes and when I kept refusing, he accused me of not loving him and trusting him.

    And this is the same guy who directly or indirectly kept telling me that I wasn't 'religious enough'.

  • dont beat yourself up too much, what is done is done. The guy sounds like an asshole and i feel bad for you but the feeling will pass and if anyone ever asks you, keep a straight face, act like you never sent him anything, dont get embarrassed and they will assume (even if your face was in there) that he has just photoshopped them.

    be cool, be chill and try not to beat yourself up over it more, kudos to you sharing your story for other people to learn from.

  • Absolutely right
    I used to be like you at start but then because my ex pushed me for it and we were dating for a while so i sent him quite a few and didn't mind till we broke up due to his own stupid things
    He would ask me to see him but i would deny ofcourse so in revenge he not only sent my nudes to my friends he knew but also to my brothers and dad
    U can imagine my horror at that

    • People really don’t seem to have decency

    • @Dingsbums no they dont care

    • U don’t send those pics to a lot of people if u don’t care... seems more like someone who got his pride hurt and is inmature

    • Show All
  • "So guys, if you ask a girl for nudes, you are telling them that you don't care about their mind or their personality, only their bodies. Wait until we want to send them. Wait until we trust you."

    ORRR... here's an amazing idea... Don't ever send them? Heard too many horror stories about this.

    Funny thing is though... sending pictures in underwear is "scandalous" but then girls go to the beach half naked in their tiny bikinis. LOL. It's pretty much the same thing.

  • Thank you for sharing this MyTake with us. I hope things get better for you and i think it's disgusting when a guy asks a girl for nudes that just
    shows you he is a sex predator and most likely he belongs locked up
    where big bubba can get him it's so sad to think where this world has
    went to and things are getting worst we are living under a society that
    your afraid what your going to hear next on the news and i think the
    signs of Jesus returning is very soon and no one believes me but we
    are living in the days before Christs second coming and it will be soon
    i just hope i live to see it cause i want go with him where there is Peace
    and everything is Heavenly I don't want live in this Hell anymore.
    God Bless You !!! I wish you the best :) Take care and thanks so much!!!

  • a girl sent me nudes in highschool even though i didn't ask for em lol... she was smart enough to crop her face out of em though. It's kinky, but if somebody is doing that kind of stuff they are probably not relationship material

  • Wow, this is powerful.
    I have never sent a nude and don't plan to; I know how harmful it can be. I'm so sorry that happened to you, and at such a young age. I experienced sexual abuse when I was little (by teenage babysitters, not my parents), so I know how you feel. If I were you, I would create a new account on SnapChat - having that person there bugging you will only make it worse.

  • Only send nudes without your face on them.

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