Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Before I start this myTake, there are two very important things I need any of you reading this to know. I've seen a tremendous amount of panic and fear on this site and I want to put a statement out there regarding them.
1. Just because you're going through a dry spell (i.e. no sex), it does not mean you're asexual. You're just going without sex, albeit involuntarily. Also, if you've lost interest in a current sexual partner, it doesn't mean you're asexual (or "going asexual") as I've seen it twice. This seems to be incredibly popular with the females in the crowd. If you still want to have sex with someone, then you seemingly have nothing to worry about.
2. Asexuality isn't something to be afraid of! Would you be afraid of being bisexual, lesbian or gay like it's a shift in undesirability? You may be afraid going into it and admitting your feelings, but it isn't something to be afraid of. Asexuality is treated like the plague and it's all because nothing is known about it.
To get a full understanding, in detail and in terms you can really understand, see the amazing and detailed article done by PinkNews. It should help you a lot!
Now, I'm going to move on to my asexual identity and how I came about to finally realize just what it was.
I was 9 when I became aware of masturbation. I had a very simple and typical progression of my journey through it. I first felt "good" when I was straddling the arm to my parent's couch. At first it was somewhat mindless. I didn't have an orgasm or anything, but after a little rubbing two or three times, I knew that it would definitely be something my mom would never approve of, so I would wait until I went to bed and try to replicate the feeling. After a while, my aggressive attempts to get the same experience led to serious disappointment. I wanted the couch arm back and I knew I couldn't have it, so I went through a great amount sexual frustration; well, at least as much as a 9 year old can have.
By the time I was 11, I had realized that things were changing "down there." I rapidly taught myself that I could replicate the feeling I missed so badly with my hand and it was even better than the couch arm! I was able to have an orgasm and I just couldn't stop myself. While things tapered off over the next several months, I kept fairly active with masturbation and experimentaition through things that just came to mind. It was heaven for a little girl in her mid-teens.
When I was 14, I went through the whole sex education in school. While my mom and dad weren't at all forthcoming with sex, I felt that their approval for this course was merely to avoid the necessary "talk" that came about with puberty. I look back and realize just how unprepared I was for sex after school and I often made up things in my head that I thought might be true (andI know not that they were unbelievably impractical) when it came to sex.
Something I had also come to confusion about was my sexual awakening as a lesbian. When I was growing up, that was a seriously taboo subject and the greatest of all condemnations you could have. I kept my mouth shut and when I graduated high school, I was a virgin in the fullest definition of the word. Even when I went into college, the first two years were uneventful. While my thoughts and fantasies about it remained as before, albeit with more reality, I was perfectly happy to just keep masturbating.
When I was 20, I lost my viriginity and was led into my first relationship. I was seriously let down and discouraged by my first experience. She was more than happy and satisfied, but I never even came close to having an orgasm. I thought it had to be because I was inexperienced and that I had never done it before. I was determined to make my second time better, but I didn't. Third, fourth, fifth. You get the idea. My entire 10 year relationship was a sexual wash for me. I did finally find that I could have an orgasm, though it was incredibly unsatisfying much of the time. I had to supplement my desires in masturbation, which still gave me the most unbelievable orgasms. I needed to have that. It completely pissed her off that I did ("I'm right here! Why can't you come to me?!?!") This often led to verbal beatings. It did come to my attention, though, that I honestly had no attraction to her sexually. The thought was a lot of dread when she would initiate and I would go with it to save face. Again, my orgasms became less frequent and less satisfying because it was a chore to me. By the time our relationship ended, I was so thrilled to do what I wanted and search for something else that might be better, with someone more compatible. I didn't really want sex urgently, not at least when I knew I could take care of business on my own. It's just something I had to have because that's what you're suppose to have, right? I was convinced.
Boy, was I ever wrong.
I look back now at what I did post-relationship and I'm ashamed and regretful. I became somewhat of a one-off whore. I bounced between 8 different partners in 7 months. I highly expected to find someone compatible and we could feel sexual greatness together; but, then I realized that all I was doing disappointing myself with failure to enjoy sex with someone else, all while hurting so many different people. I hit a serious low when I realized things just weren't working. I decided it was time to keep myself separate from sexual contact with other people. I was embarrassed and disappointed in myself and sex was proving to be more and more displeasing. The next 2 years were spent in exile.
While all of this remained, I knew that I still needed something other than just myself. Not sexually, that was covered, but with someone to have special times with. Cuddling, emotional connections and intimacy. I craved these things, but found no outlet to share them. I was afraid to be judged by that. I did have a small relationship with a woman that gave me all of those things, but there was a point in my subconscious that told me I owed her more than that. She did hint at sex and threw out innuendos and such, but wasn't crude about it.
I was unhappy with myself by knowing I was disappointing her and it ultimately led to our undoing. I had become cold and felt undeserving of anyone after that point. I felt that I needed to protect everyone else from me and who I was. It was a hard way to live but I felt it was what I deserved, even though I'm not sure how much of a punishment it was for me because, for the next 5 years, I didn't really miss any of it. I just did my thing, although with less drive than before, and left it at that. It wasn't until the last 6 months or so that the feelings for intimacy and emotional connection returned. I still didn't understand it, though the renewal of my desires for a companion caused me to start doing research about why it didn't work up until this point. It was like there was an unbelievable landslide of questioning for me when I realized it. I was convinced that there had to be some sort of reason for it. I was sexually satisfied yet had no wish to be with someone. It was just weird.
I began some research and kept as simple as it could get when I searched to find the connection between the two. I turned to my first instinct, perhaps that there were issues with my sexual identity as a lesbian. I didn't come across a lot, scouring even straight and gay sites. I was frustrated and lost with a lot of dead ends until I came across a seemingly unrelated suggested link on a gay man's page entitled "Sometimes the only person a girl needs is herself." That struck up my curiosity, so I clicked the link and had my mind blown.
Rather than being about self respect and being strong like I had thought, it went into an article about asexuality that sent off all sorts of bells and whistles. It spoke of a woman that had had similar experiences as I had and worked hard to try and understand the missing link there seemed to be between sex, support and intimacy. Desperate for more information and feeling somewhat exhilirated to possibly have an answer to what I thought was wrong with me, I landed on several great pages over the past 3 months and the one I mentioned at the top, PinkNews, really solidified my real belief that I had the right to identify myself asexually in two ways: one as a lesbian and one as an asexual (aka ACE.) It's beautifully free and an amazing awakening! I felt I could live freely and have as much sex with myself as I wanted and not worry about having to feel guilty when I didn't enjoy it with someone else. I felt justified.
I feel that now that I've reached this point an in regards to anyone at all that's interested in asexuality and what it is, how it may apply to them and what behaviors apply to me overall through all of the things I've learned are that:
1. You can be asexual and any other sexual orientation - gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc. at the same time.
2. You may do not have to have sexual drive or need to be with anyone, even yourself, to be asexual.
3. You don't have to feel guilty about not wanting any sort of sexual encounter if you don't want to. This goes for anyone of any orientation.
4. Asexual people are calculated on a grand scale to be about 1% of the world's total sexually identified people, however it's believed to be much larger. Know you're not alone.
This obviously is just my story, but there have to be a lot more out there. I really hope that this can offer some sort of insight to those that read this. Perhaps it'll open some doors, open their eyes, whether it's in relation to their identity or someone who doesn't understand what asexuality is. The biggest points of advice I can offer here are understanding, tolerance and education of yourself.
I hope this has helped someone or anyone that was curious about it. A firsthand glimpse into a journey of one individual that wanted to know what was going on with her and that it's possible to resolve questions that have lingering for years, albeit quite accidentally sometimes, is encouraging that answers are out there.
Don't give up. Some of the greatest things are found with perserverance.
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