Sexual Relationships
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Fifty Shades of Grey Was Mostly About One Thing - Women's Sexual Repression

The Fifty Shades phenomenon has baffled many people since the book first starting selling like a wildfire in 2011. Many men especially, are confused by it. Why do women seem to like this story so much? In the era of # me too, and the fight over greater equality on a social scale, why is it that women fantasize about a vapid rich jerk, who emotionally manipulates them and sadistically dominates them in the bedroom?

He then whipped out his
He then whipped out his "hellacious... cock?"

I believe the biggest factor in all of this, is the one that is most often overlooked - women's sexual repression in our current society. For so long, men have had more freedom to be open about their sexual interests, to be regarded with praise for their sexual endeavors, and to gloat about their borderline addiction to Internet porn use. Women on the other hand, have always been expected to remain proper, polite, and squeaky clean, or face societal backlash and be labeled.

I think this all came to a head with Fifty Shades. It was the first mainstreamed, cultural push of a product that was aimed explicitly at women, and was also overtly sexual in nature. It created something of a bandwagon effect. Many, many women latched onto the books not because it was the most riveting tale they're ever heard of, but as a way of saying "Yeah, I'm interested in sexual stuff. Don't judge me, all of these other women are too".

Personally I think it's trash. I only went to see the movie because ya know,
Personally I think it's trash. I only went to see the movie because ya know, "all my friends were going".

It wouldn't have mattered what the story was about exactly, or how it was written. All that mattered was that it was a sexy book that all women were "allowed to be" intrigued by. It just so happens that the story was a poor blend of the Beauty and The Beast trope, mixed with porn-inspired ideas of what S&M relationships were like. Nobody was particularly thrilled with it, but more so the idea of going to see a smutty film with their girlfriends so that hopefully their man would start to raise an eyebrow.

You'll notice that most women, even those who've read the books and watched the movies will admit that the writing is bad, the story is stupid, the characters are dreadful... but they're still supporting the material, purchasing movie tickets and buying books. Not because it's good stuff, but because that's what they feel like they should be doing to send across the message that they just like any man, can be interested in trashy, sexual things as well.

Beautiful.... such romance, such passion!
Beautiful.... such romance, such passion!

It's not as though most women actually even endorse the series. Just because they supported it, doesn't mean it's actually their own fantasy. It's more-so an exploration into openly having their own sexual fantasies. However, I think a lot of this has gotten lost in translation. Many men are taking it to mean that women more than ever don't know what they actually want. Thinking that they may say they want to be treated with dignity, but really they want to be treated like trash. I don't think that's accurate.


I think a lot of women simply jumped on this Fifty Shades bandwagon to be part of the collective message that says "women are into sex too, and you men just don't understand us". I just wish that it could have been a better piece of literature for a jumping off place. I actually think Fifty Shades has done more damage than it has helped, in any regard.

Aha!! Women DO want to be treated like sub-human sex slaves! Porn was right all along!!!
Aha!! Women DO want to be treated like sub-human sex slaves! Porn was right all along!!!

In closing, I think the Fifty Shades was an unfortunate novel, that came around at a particularly troubled period in history, only further confusing women's sexually repressed state in society. Sending mixed messages and poor representations of what women want in terms of sex, the ethics of S&M play, and what a glamorous or ideal relationship looks like. It's all a big mess, and I think people often misunderstand what it all means. That's my opinion, anyway.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I know you said you read the books but it sounds like you haven't read them at all.

    I've read the entire series THREE TIMES

    First off men of the world have nothing to do with this or gender politics. In fact what made this book so popular is the opposite. I'll explain later.

    People make the mistake of thinking this is a SEX book believe it or not it is NOT a sex book, if you count the actual number of pages in the first book that are actual sex it is somewhere around 30 pages.

    Again this isn't a sex book this is a ROMANCE novel. If you don't know it the book is admittedly... by the authors own admission... a fan fiction piece based on TWILIGHT.

    The reason everyone thinks this is a sex book is because it is the most unique feature of the book. And I'll get into the story's frame work soon.

    People accuse the author of being a bad writer... she isn't. But what she is bad at is prose. There is a big difference between using poor descriptive words and writing a good story.

    EL James wrote and intensely focused novel. Not one word is wasted in propelling the story of the characters in the story (<= bad prose). And this novel was born out of the "30 day challenge" or whatever it is called... a writers challenge to write a certain number of words within a certain time frame. James actually received a lot of support in the revision history of the book and released it as a "little ebook" and it exploded.

    This book isn't popular as some sort of rebellion of the repression of women sexually... at least not by men. It is appealing to NON political women, it struck a never and resonated with women because it appealed to something in them that they were previously not allowed to like namely... being dominated.

    Twilight and 50 Shades have the same outline... an all powerful man. More powerful than any other man in the world. A man who is wanted by ALL women who he is not at all attracted to. This all powerful man only has eyes for the heroine of the story (Bella/Anastasia). Not only that Anastasia throws this all powerful man (Christain) off his game. His always very well in control of his world but not when it comes to her. Despite his best efforts he loses his internal battle to resit her. The key to this story is their "emotional entanglement." Neither of them know exactly where they stand with each other and it is the emotional journey they go through discovering who they are and how to navigate their relationship.

    One major thing is that Christian is very powerful and very dominating but his actions the things he does frustrates the hell out of both of them... especially her "defiance" of him and his struggle to gain control. But what is never lost is that his intentions however frustrating or conflicting are all based in his desire for her uniqueness and his wanting to possess and protect her. It is exactly he ability to NOT be able to dominate her that makes her want her more.

    Every move he makes to take control is taken with much effort and every bit of control/power/dominance he fights for and Gaines... she ultimately wants him to have.

    When push comes to shove she is in control... but so it he and it is the meeting in the middle that brings them together.

    But the one place she doesn't want to be in control is in the bedroom. Submissive men are a massive turn off to most women and a dominant man is a massive turn on... IF his heart is in the right place... and if she knows this deep down.

    People act like it is a crime to dominate or be dominated... it isn't... only if control is take without consent.

    If you've ever been with a girl who likes to be dominated you will know how turned on and slick she gets when you take real control. I've had girls demand that I dominate them choke them, slap them and fuck them hard and when you reach down and feel how turned on she is there is nothing political about her excitement.

    The story wasn't popular because it was fight sexual repression. The only sexual repression is was...

    • fighting was the right to feel great pleasure in being aggressively dominated by a man. A book... and E book was the perfect way to read a 'naughty' book with no one knowing what the reader was reading. I was popular not because the book was pubic... it was/is popular because it is private. Literature is the female equivalent of porn. One thing... especially younger guys don't know... is female sexuality... strong female sexuality doesn't take place in the body... it takes place in the mind. One thing people who don't know about BDSM relationships is that it is mainly psychological... yes psychological... it isn't the physical actions that drive the pleasurable experience... it is the psychology behind the "roleplaying" There "props" are catalysts for the role playing (its not always true but mostly true). The talking is what makes it so powerful. That is why safe words exist, because the more real the dialogue the better the experience, so the protests of the sub need to "feel" real without actually being real. Without the realistic words in role play, a large part of the psychological experience would die. Christian would never actually knowingly ever hurt Ana physically and especially psychologically. Get this straight... many if not most women love to be dominated or lead in bed... if not anywhere else. A man taking his pleasure from a girl is her pleasure and in turn is her pleasure is his pleasure. Dominant sexual relationships don't work if there is a genuine loser. In the BDSM world everyone knows the person ultimately in charge is the sumissive. The submissive grants the dominant power and that power is revokable at any time. I've never been in to BDSM or the lifestyle but that community trusted me to let me see into their world. And of the things that surprised me is that everyone in the BDSM world is extremely respectful of each other. And when you think about it they have to be, because they are taking each other to the edge... where nirvana is for..

    • them, so you need to be with people that you trust A LOT. As far as men's interpretation and 'take' on the book is... NOTHING. I went to the studio premier of 50 Shades... there were literally thousands of girls in line and I could count on two hands the number of men in line with them. Men haven't read anything into the story, they have very little interest in it, despite their girlfriends wishing they did. 50 shade is written by a woman... for a woman... men have little to do with the sensation. And people aren't buying this book to support a political protest. If they were doing that, for a 'poorly' written book they could buy it and throw it on a shelf. The buy it and more importantly THEY READ IT. And not just one book... but three. This has NOTHING to do with equality. This has to do with giving women permission to like being dominated in bed. But I will say this politically... imagine if this book was written by a man... how much would be put upon him just because of the gender he didn't choose.

    • Very well thought out and worded response. I've never read the books but I think I need to find the time to do so because I know how different a book can be from the movies. I'm not into any of that myself but I can understand your view of the submissive giving permission and having control with the use of a safe word.

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  • You have missed a whole collection of older literature. 50 Shades is certainly not the first, not even the latest, it just was a very popular one. Further Mr Grey was more of a stalker then anything else. As far as women's repressed sexuality women are not sexually repressed. Men are, but women are not. The so called double standard or a virgin woman vs a virgin man is based on the very old notion that men are inherently dirty while women inherently clean. Hence a virgin guy is disgusting and a virgin girl is something to be sought as she cleanses him while he pullouts her. it's the same standard only from two different perspectives.

    • Again, didn't say it was the first. Said it was the first to go as mainstream as it did. And again... repressed means you hold back from your own desires. I get tired of having to explain what I actually wrote versus what people somehow take away.

    • No Lady Chatterley's Lover https://g.co/kgs/bvbBbG was extremely popular in its time, the Karma Sutra was popular in the 1800s the 70s had story of O. Not to mention the extreme popularity of the Harlequin Romance series. The 90s had Ann Rice's Sleeping Beauty series... etc etc. It was not the first. As for sexual repression is a choice, many women have no problems expressing their desires, the 60s sexual revolution addressed this issue and while we celebrate women's desire, we have a society that now demonizes men's. Women use porn at almost the same rate or perhaps even grater rate then men www.bustle.com/.../women-actually-watch-more-porn-than-men-heres-what-it-is-were-watching-63850 and there is absolutely no stigma attached to women buying or using sex toys. lezbianism is much more acceptable from a societies perspective, and most women, if they so choose, would have no problem picking up a random stranger in a bar or nightclub. Further studies have shown that men have a much more realistic perspective of a woman's looks then a woman a man's. (Women have a tendency to judge men more harshly in looks then men do women). Yes there is some stigma attached to a woman who chooses to sleep around, but that stigma also paints virgin guys as "gross, creepy, etc." (And yes it comes from the same standard, the one that assumes all women are inherently pure while men inherently dirty). In short, I believe that your premise is in error.

    • How do you manage to turn this all into some I'm a male, woe-is-me rant?

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Most Helpful Girls

  • I agree completely.

    If you see the demographics of women who read this trash fiction, it's mostly:
    - middle-aged women who are probably tired of their mundane sex life, or nonexistent sex life if they're single or divorced. This shows that they are not satisfied with their sex lives
    - young women from countries where it is not normal for women to desire sex. So they read this book to fulfil their curiosity, and to entice their imagination without seeming "like a dirty whore"
    - people who are NOT avid readers. I've never heard an avid reader praise this book. That's because avid readers have standards regarding good literature. People who don't read treat this like YouTube porn, at face value and they have no comparison, nothing to make them cringe. Whereas avid readers can't stand how badly this Shit is written. I mean, even the sex scenes are horrible. I've read better sex scenes that actually made me wet from books written by Kathy Reichs and Robin Cook, a crime author and a medical thriller author. 50 shades didn't make me wet, it gave me a headache from rolling my eyes too much.

    • It’s odd that a women can be unsatified in life and it not be her fault.

  • Women like it because the dude is rich and hot. Let him have been a poor average dude and everyone of them would realize what a rapist asshole he is, instead of "omg I want him to fuck me so bad". It has nothing to do with women's sexuality. It has to do with them being shallow

    • Bingo!

    • Sad but true.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Selama saya tua, selagi saya tahu saya tidak tahu apa.

    Okay. I really don't know Indonesian beyond a few simple words.

    But what I wanted to say was "The older I get, the more I realize I know nothing."

    Keep on learning, English.
    It's a very funny language, but, like Mandarin or Spanish, I feel that it's one of the best placed languages to open up a world of possibilities for you or anyone else who attempts to learn it.

    • Oops. Wrong topic. Please excise me :)

    • I mean, please excuse me. No one likes to be excised.

  • I just think women prefer their porn in literature form, feels more sophisticated...

    • Like with everything, illusion is important to women. Dress up a cheesy, badly written rape fantasy as a best seller, they will buy it. Put it on a site for adult short stories and novels, and they'll scoff at it.

    • @Benedek38 True

  • Well, your wrong. First and foremost where did you get this idea that men where more sexually free? You kind of have to prove that point. That's like me saying that humans overcame Neanderthals because we tamed dinosaurs and it gave us an advantage. Yeah I can claim that, but I have no evidence to back it (and substantial evidence against it). So when you make an assertion you have to be able to actually prove it which you cannot do (because its not true). SO right from the get go your argument is wrong because the foundation of it is flawed. It also ignores the long history of these types of novels in history (Story of O (1954, author female)) and erotic novels in general (9 1/2 weeks (1970s, also female author)). So already we can say this did not come out of nowhere, these things have been around for quite some time, written by women themselves which also means that they where not "suppressed" sexually, well at least not by an overbearing society, no more then the men where anyway. So again, your premise is entirely false, provably so. Any conclusion you draw now is entirely wrong because again, your starting premises are entirely wrong. This also ignores the history of the vibrator which was invented because they believed sexual repression caused physical symptoms (hysteria) so they created this device to help deal with that meaning that society was rather open to female sexuality (and has been for all of history). Just because they expected it to be within the confines of a relationship didn't mean that they didn't think it shouldn't exist or didn't exist (which is really rather sexist of you (not suprising, we live in an age that demonizes male sexuality at every turn and masculinity in general).

    • Just the fact that even today, women's sexual promiscuity is judged in a much more negative light where men's is not, is proof they are not equally free. Nowhere in this did I say it was the first book of it's kind. I said it was the first to receive such a mainstream exposure and widespread adoption. An all-time best seller book series that was turned into three top grossing films. Did that happen with other erotic novels for women before? Again, I have to keep telling those who can't read, "repressed" means something different than what you seem to think it means - it means willfully holding back. Also I'm talking about the masses, not the author, or any one person. I'm talking about the wider population being repressed, sexually. Sorry for the butt hurt, that really wasn't the intention of this take.

    • Okay, their is yet another assertion with no backing evidence. First and foremost, this notion that all men or most men sleep around is simply factually incorrect. In fact studies have shown rather consistently that men and women have the same number of partners. Now it is true that other women shame promiscuous women, but that is not society, that is not men, that is just women (as promiscuity hurts women not men as it devalues reproduction for women (male sex is already devalued by the fact that it costs us nothing and by extension men cannot leverage it for other things like women can) thus making it harder to leverage sex for resources (which is why its women who dislike promiscuous women and men (at least those who are not looking for a relationship) who are perfectly happy to have women give up sex easily to them). So again, you make a claim and have no backing evidence for it so your already starting off your argument on the wrong foot. As I pointed out, erotica for women has been around for quite some time (written by women I mean, erotica in general has been around since humanity existed). As for it being the first to receive so much mainstream popularity, that is also not correct. Romance novels are the most read genre in the world hands down, all of which are sexual in nature, all of which are written by women (with the exception of two authors), and is consumed almost exclusively by women. Also, again, 9 1/2 weeks was a mainstream success so inaccurate. So again, not really. I mean the list is massive and almost exclusively written by women and consumed by women (according to data well over 60% of women have admitted to having rape fantasies, they are also the biggest consumers of rape and violence pornography (also we wouldn't know that if female sexuality was being repressed. They also found this was the case in multiple countries and cultures suggesting heavily that it has little to do with "repression" or other culture specific mechanisms)).

    • Now you could argue that it is the first to receive this mainstream success, which may in fact be true (not really into the romance genre (its pornography for women, completely unrealistic) nor bondage for that matter), but then you would have to prove that it is due to a suppression of female sexuality which again, as all data shows, erotic fiction has always been around, its consumed by and produced by women, we have statistical data on female sexuality showing the consumption of such things (meaning they where upfront about it and it was and is well researched i. e. their is little their to shame them into silence as you are suggesting), we know that no one batted an eye when this came out (nor when women fawned over half naked boys (some of which where underage) in various romance movies (specifically twilight)), and the "sexual" revolution started in the 60s and promiscuity was high, this was also when the first hormonal contraceptive came out thus showing that not only was their a demand for it i. e. women where having sex, but it was a huge success (showing that a lot of women where having sex). Further if you look, what was acceptable for movies to show previously is not the same as now, and with new technology they where able to actually tell that this was a profitable ventures and thus where willing to publicize it and make a movie out of it because they already knew it would make money i. e. again, this has nothing to do with the supposed suppression of female sexuality. Also again, it is predominantly women who sexually shame women, promiscuity amongst men is actually not nearly as common (we are talking the casual sex for males is at 60% vs. women's 40%, noteworthy but still incredibly small percentage),

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  • It was a really dumb movie. (I never read the books)
    The writers were stupid to make Christian Grey a billionaire.
    Shit, I'd be his bitch if he asked me. lol

    • @MiaLinia The link doesn't work. But I think I've been asked this question 37 times.

    • Lmfao

    • @ChocolateCheesecake Isn't it that same girl that shows the same pics a million times?

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  • It's a fucking kink, you in turn are repressing someone's sexuality because sex is one of the most intimate forms of expression. Why should it be to your standards? This is a dumb post

  • Can't we just read a book or watch a movie just for the enjoyment of a bit of escapism.

    • Can men just watch porn for the same reason, without being shamed?

  • It was more about getting off to cheap smut with a poor storyline if you ask me.

    • Ding ding ding! And we have a winner! 🏆 The popularity of this novel, election of Trump, and an increase of idiots believing every story they read on social media, just confirms the deterioration of society.

  • Fifty Shades of Grey was purely about publishing and marketing a book (series). Soft core porn writing with a thread of romance appeals to quite a few women. Ever read a Harlequin romance novel? They’re cheap, cheesy, slightly smutty, with mediocre writing and editing. But they sell. Looking for any social meaning or undertone is a lot like looking for a jackelope or unicorn. Nothing there.

  • No, it wasn't.

    That book sold because women bought it.
    Why did women buy it?
    Because a lot of women - A LOT OF WOMEN - rape / submission fantasies.

  • "Please."

    - Kuraj, 2:40 1/4/2019

  • "For so long, men have had more freedom to be open about their sexual interests, to be regarded with praise for their sexual endeavors, and to gloat about their borderline addiction to Internet porn use. Women on the other hand, have always been expected to remain proper, polite, and squeaky clean, or face societal backlash and be labeled."
    That's the biggest bullshit I have read in a while. For one, "so long" and "internet porn"? Internet porn became a thing in the last what? 20 years?
    Secondly, guys regularly encourage women to talk about

    • Fucking mobile page jumping al over the place, I actuallz hit submit. Anyway, men regularly encourage women to talk about their sexual desires, what porn they watch, etc, because that's really interesting to us. We like to know more about you. Instead whenever I meet a girl I have to pry the information out of her like it's a national secret. I won't read the article. The reason women were so interested in 50 shades of grey is simple - it combines the matinf strategy if women with the most common sexuak fantasy of women: Hypergamy and Rape Fantasy. In fact this could be the title of the books. The reason it manifested itself now is also self-evident - women have been encouraged to go against their natural instinct (by and large, I am not saying this is true fir everyone), and to be competitive rather than being submissive and seeking a dominant man. Examining the BDSM community turbs out roughly 76% of women are submissive, the rest is switch, and only like 3-4% are doms, as opposed to men, where the vast majority are dominants (60% or so, I don't remember exactly). The reason BDSM resonates with many women is exactly because they are longing on some level to traditional relationship models, but don't want to give up their hypergamous options to compete with men and get better and better mates - so they turn traditonal roles into a fetish, which makes it guilt free. Sort of like diet coke - you know it's bad for you, but you don't feek guilty. But admitting to liking BDSM is hard - people face social stigma for sexuak deviancy. And 50 shades offered an entry into the world of BDSM, even if it was horrible as such - basically the main character broke every rule of BDSM.

    • Well said.

    • Great. I love it when people tell me they "won't read" what I wrote, but will proceed to tell me how wrong I am, i. e, half the 3/4th of the guys on this website.

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  • Gonna be honest didn't read half of that but i would like to say, just in case you didn't mention this but in the book i would actaully say it is mostly about the guy as well and his problems.

    Where as the film yeah i would agree just mostly about the woman.

  • If this is the case why this though, there have always been "romance novels" that were actually filthy reads aimed at women why all decide to jump on this shitshow of a bandwagon that seems to go against all current trends in sexual liberation.

  • 50 Shades Of Shite is about making money. It is pure literary tripe and one of the worst movies I've ever had the misfortune to witness. Im a v exp bdsm player and this bollox makes a mockery of it. If you wanna see something closer to sub/dom life then watch The Secretary starring Maggie Gyllenhall n James Spader. Made in early 00s so before 50 Shades Of Shite. Its funny how Spader's character is... Mr Grey.

  • I don't think it's about womens' sexual "repression" I think it's about womens' sexual *frustration*.

    Women take too long to cum. Is that mens' fault?

    • Well I didn’t say that any of this was men’s fault. If that’s what you got from my take then you’ve read it wrong.

    • Of course you said it was mens' fault. You said that women are repressed. That means someone is repressing them. Who is that? Other women? No? If not other women than who is left?

  • Its a perverted lifestyle. They wanted to push smut to the massess.
    They wanted to make this fantasy real. Thats all it is.

  • more like.. Women's submissive nature is being oppressed, not their sexuality.

  • Um, no. 50 Shades was supremely successful for one simple reason - women have a natural instinctive desire to get aggressively dominated by men. They fetishize mistreatment and pain, and that's really the only underlying principle behind the book's huge success.

  • Hey uh, why can't a weird book just be a weird book? Why must we politicise every god damn thing we see, hear or think of. Sucking out and destroying any capacity to just simply enjoy things. Super weird or not.

  • Fifty shades lf Gray is an abusive story so if women want that then they have problems.

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