Sexual Relationships
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Being a Curvy Girl on Tinder

I have been on tinder for a couple years and I've discovered quite some things. I'm not obese, but well, I'm kinda chubby. And being a chubby girl on tinder, really makes dating very different than when you are skinny. I used to be skinny when I first got on tinder. After a few months I gained a lot of weight and kinda stayed that way. Didn't get much less matches. But the way guys see you and why they date you changes A LOT. Small detail, and I don't want to brag: I know I'm not ugly. Still do some modeling for plus size clothing. Just not thin anymore. So for people who are not sure about how they look, this take is mainly for women who have questions about their weight. Not looks in general.

Is it worse when you are on the heavier side? Well for most of us, yes. Though I still had a lot of fun and met some great guys. But do guys contact you for the same reason? Nope.

Being a Curvy Girl on Tinder

In short: If you're cute and have a fit body, guys want to date you, not just for sex, but often with further goals. They might want to keep seeing you, start a relationship and show you as their girlfriend to their friends and family. If you are chubbier, well... get used to getting on your knees and putting that mouth to work on the first date!

Tinder for thin girls: easy mode

When I was thin, guys were really careful with how they chatted with me. They chose carefully what kind of date it was, where we'd meet, how they dressed up for the date, and of course how they carefully checked when and how they would get in my pants. Their purpose was often also sex, but they had so much more respect for me. I noticed that they would love to see me more often and even show me off as their proud catch to their friends.

Being a Curvy Girl on Tinder

Tinder for big girls: hard mode

Since I got chubby, things changed completely. Still met up with the same type of guys. Still always guys i thought were hot. But Their intentions were completely different. The way they talked to me, the fact that they chatted the same day/night they so necessarily wanted to meet up, and where they wanted to meet up. Just one reason: getting their balls emptied.

Now I'm not really looking for serious relationships. I mainly want to date, get to know guys and see where it goes. Honestly I prefer to just have some great connection with a guy than a serious relationship. But I can't count the times I blew guys on the first date and quite often only date. And I also noticed that it's mainly the blowjob that's popular. Sex too, but that's more for a second date. I really don't mind giving guys blowjobs on the first date though. I feel comfortable with casual sex and really like giving blowjobs. But I do get that most women don't think that way and might feel slutty or used. In the beginning when I gained weight, I often turned them down when they asked for a favor, and the dates ended really quickly every time. And when I did do it, well at least it was fun and some of them asked for a second date. That second date was often also with sex as the goal, but by the third or fourth date I usually got a connection with some pretty cool guys.

When they text you, you notice immediately they don't even try to hide the fact they just want to get off as fast as possible cause they feel horny. They also try to come to my place immediately, and honestly I even offer to just cook for them at my place, or "watch a movie" cause I know that's what they want. If I went out, I ended up on my knees in a toilet stall, his car or even behind a dumpster... Romantic, right?

Being a Curvy Girl on Tinder

All these things aren't just my experiences, I talked to a lot of women with the same body type as me, and so many of them experience the same thing. Not all of them of course, but it still seems to be very common. I even talked to a couple guys that were really good looking and were open enough to talk about why they, who can date any girl, wanted to come to my place so suddenly, not being too much of a gentleman, and got their loads of baby juice all over my face in no time. They admitted that they also lost count of how often this scenario happened and that it's "just the way it goes. Why not?"

Again, I'm not saying dating has become horrible for me since I got curvy. I'm still having an awesome time. It just got a lot harder to get that plain nice, cosy date. It's like dropping in ranking and having to work a little first to get something.

What do you think about my take? Is it fair, or should these guys' attitude towards us change? Please share your opinion!

#tinder #sexlife

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Most Helpful Girls

  • It seems to me like you're being receptive to the wrong type of men. If a guy is talking dirty to you and you decide to go out and meet them, it should be no surprise why they'd ask for blowjob and not talk to you again after you give in. Tinder has all kinds of men with all sorts of intentions, but most are looking to hook up. You may have just coincidentally matched with the bad apples. You may want to look at the vibe you may giving off with your pics/bio as well. Are you wearing provocative clothing in your pictures? Are you posting pictures of "wild" behavior? Writing sexual innuendos in your bio? Try adding a "no hookup" disclaimer and see how people respond. But, I doubt it has nothing to do with being fat or skinny.

    • I’ve seen plenty of hypocritical women say “no hook ups” in their profile and at the same time post sexually provocative pictures. I’ve also hooked up 3 girls who wrote “no hook ups” in their profiles. However I did get in a relationship with one girl for 9 months after the hook up. We had some compatibility. But don’t count on guys taking the “no hook up” line seriously... not anymore. So many girls change their minds if the guy is attractive.

    • @sonnysunshine I had a "no hook up" disclaimer and for the most part, guys got the message. There were a few who tried, but most take it seriously since I made it very clear that they will only waste their time and energy doing so. I would never hook up with anyone even if he was a Calvin Klein model. Especially if they don't plan on courting or paying for a date at least. As per the girls who had such disclaimers and still ended up hooking up, perhaps they shifted objectives and forgot to update their bio. But, it would be stupid for a girl who was open to hooking up to discourage thristy men from messaging her by adding such disclaimer if she didn't really mean it. Bottom line is that if the asker wants to maximize her chances of attracting "serious" guys, a disclaimer would help significantly.

    • On the guys side we see 4 out 5 women putting up “disclaimers”. Lots of the them have a long laundry list of they don’t want too (politics is the new one). I used to take it seriously. But a few years ago I went in two dates with a girl saying she wanted “just friends” with guys. My brother was hanging out with me the second time and she kept asking about him later which was extremely insulting. Point being is that you can’t expect anything serious off the bat on a dating app. Different story if it was eharmony or something.

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  • Wow.

    I know you said you're enjoying yourself or whatever, but this was really sad to read. I don't know, I'm not a "oh it's nothing serious, just wanna date" type of girl so i'd be extremely depressed if men treated me that way.

    Also, it's tinder. I've never used online dating and i'd definitely never use tinder, but I hear that's more of a hookup app. I guess they figure chubby girls are easier for casual sex. I've actually heard that a lot. I know guys who've told me that they try harder, they are more willing to fuck so they go to chubby chicks when they're having "dry spells". So it makes sense what you wrote, not that I condone that treatment.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Not gonna lie i got turned in reading this post and honestly I'm so jealous of those guys with went out with you. But i am actually surprised i hear so much complaints from thinner women that thicc women are glorified in media the days which i wouldn't mind its time thicc girls have there time to shine but id figure more guys would go for a thicc girl with all the hype kinda around them these days but i think you should be treated with respect regardless your size and im preetty open to dating almost any size women as long as like you said we conmect

  • Curvy =/= chubby (nor fat) and its obvious why guys want to be with someone more healthier and thinner who they find very attractive for more than a few dates. Like why wouldn't we?

    Being a Curvy Girl on Tinder

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What Girls & Guys Said

17 71

  • I have gone from thin to fat and back to thin. There is truth behind this. My take on it is guys, when I was heavier, felt they only needed the bare minimum effort to get you. They assume that you are just easier because if you are chubby and single you must be desperate for man attention because of low self-esteem. It does happen. I may not have been as casual as you are but guys definitely think they can just be blunt about needing to get off. When you're thin, guys tend to only like you for your body. Same goal, same guys, same issue... they want to get off. That accounts for a large portion of men. However, there are lots of guys who like women for who they are. Yes, appearances play a small role to these guys. When I was heavy, tended to think they wanted friendship and thin I questioned their motives. These guys are out there. I have met lots. You can tell the difference in the ones looking to get off and the ones who actually like you as a person if you pay attention. Don't get too busy blaming weight on lack of quality men. You get the duds and winners in all the shapes of you.

  • I don't think it matters if you're thin or curvy. Men will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. You say you're ok with being chubby but you can keep the same standards. It sounds like you're using being chubby as a way to accept your hoe like tendencies. Some of what your experiences have been like really disgusted me & I feel badly that you actually tell yourself that this is normal. I don't believe it's too late for you to save yourself. Chubby or thin you choose what treatment is acceptable by men. You set the pace. You have to option of turning them down & not giving them bjs on the first date. Sorry to hear you see yourself as less after gaining weight.

  • Thanks for sharing your experiences, but I'm not surprised- it is an article of faith among guys that bigger women are easier to get into bed (when I was 17, an older guy I worked with told me that if I was ever in a pinch that a fat woman would be quick to have sex with me).

    That said, I am wondering if you have widened your dating pool to hopefully improve your chances of finding a guy who would treat you the way you want to be treated, e. g., maybe Asian guys, as @NerdinDenial alluded to, or a guy my age. I can only speak for myself here, but I wouldn't treat a curvy woman any differently than a slender one- both would be treated with respect and as a potential girlfriend.

  • At the end you ask if it's fair - it doesn't matter whether or not it's fair. You can't change their behaviour. You can't change the fact that assholes exist, you can't change what people are looking for and you can't change what people find attractive.

    All you can change is yourself and your own behaviour. If you don't want to meet guys who only want a quick blowjob, get off of Tinder. That's what most guys are looking for there. You also mention that dating as a skinny girl is easy mode and that dating as a chubby girl is hard mode - why not work to lose the weight and get back to easy mode? I don't understand.

  • 1. You are still on easy mode
    2. You are in complete control of your body. and your actions.

  • With no ill will intended , I honestly believe if your looking for a lover instead of a fling , Try holding out on BJ's and sex till a littler later that way if his only looking for sex. Chances are he will not return for a second or third date unless his interested in something more. Still I mean nothing bad <3 enjoy your day

  • Hm... interesting.

    • Ikr? So wish I was the lucky guy.

    • @ManOnFire I don't doubt that.

    • I used to get likes on Tinder all the time but the crazy thing is, once my old co-worker showed me how to see who liked me I haven't gotten likes anymore! So weird!😧

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  • The only one "dropping your ranking" is yourself.
    Why should anyone's attitude towards you change when you are seemingly ok with lowering your self-worth to a used napkin?

  • Your experience seems predictable or what I figured would happen.

    Your experience is all market based. You want to have sex with the top 10 to 30 percent of most attractive men. Men also want to have sex with the most attractive women they can get as well, but there's a much lower supply of women willing to have casual sex so men aren't able to have the standards you have. Men could argue that your attitude changes towards less commonly attractive men as well. This is all about the pursuit of pleasure via attractiveness, not about fairness.

  • First of all I don’t Tinder. Given my average looks and my dad bod, I suspect the result would just be lots of “no” swipes. Crickets. I was 170 when I graduated from High School. By the end of college I was 225, and 2 years into work I was 240. I went all the way up to 330, with high stress tech jobs and little desire to work out. I was rewarded for finished tech projects, not for my looks or being fit. Losing weight is the opposite of climbing a mountain, it’s easy to go
    up, super hard to come down. I’ve lost 60 lbs. I need to lose 60 more to be into a decent BMI, and I expect at this point to never be “thin and fit” again. Even though I have great arms and legs, being bald and having a “dad bod”, I don’t even register on the swipe scale.

  • "Tinder for big girls: hard mode"

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVFd46qABi0


    No, but seriously. Asker, have you ever tried being a guy?

    by the way what does "curvy" and "kinda chubby" actually mean? I'm asking because these are usually things women say when they don't want to admit they ARE unattractive.
    I am not the height of human politeness, and I never wanted to be, so I'll ask it straight up - height, weight, estimated bodyfat?

    "Just one reason: getting their balls emptied."

    "Now I'm not really looking for serious relationships. I mainly want to date, get to know guys and see where it goes. Honestly I prefer to just have some great connection with a guy than a serious relationship."

    So let me get that straight. You complain that guys don't take you seriously... But you don't take dating seriously in the first place. Don't you see that's kind of hypocritical? Why should guys look for serious relationships with you, when you clearly don't care enough about them?

    And I'll be honest. I understand where you are coming from. I am guilty of this myself - I tend to think of fat girls as easier. That's not nice, but that's reality. Guys tend to be more confident around girls who they find less attractive, or at least in their own league. Harsh, I know. But we gotta deal with the same shit, and much more, from you. So let's not pretend anyone's a saint.

    I'd say try losing some weight, but it looks like you don't actually mind being used enough to hit the gym.

    • There are truths in human nature we don't tell women to spare their feelings.

    • Well-said.

  • Wow, that is really hot, especially since I love thick women. I gotta say I wish I had that kinda luck on Tinder.

    Have you ever done it with black guys?

    • We need a black people Tinder. I bet you'd get way more hits.

    • @GreatnessBack Maybe. And a lot of white girls who like black would sign up on it.

    • Well...

  • I Superlike

  • tinder is superficial anyways.

  • I mean.. well, nobody has to change if that's what you want and like too.

  • Interesting to see the two sides on Tinder - Probably says more about the guys than you and their attitude - I think for any girl just be yourself and stick to your tinder whatever they are and wait for right guy to fit those goals - It may take longer but it will be worth it.

  • So go lose weight if you don't like how you're being treated. It isn't rocket science that guys respect girls more who look after their bodies.

    • I don't know why people downvoted you for speaking the truth. People are so fucking dumb, man.

    • @Anon-ymous1 well that's ok, it shows my opinion affected them. Girls are super sensitive about their bodies. But if they don't take responsibility for being overweight they'll never change. They prefer to live in denial and consider themselves as 'curvy' and pretend that's sexy whilst ignoring the health consequences.

    • Well-said.

  • Tinder is the epitome of shallowness. Both sexes get judged harshly based on looks. For example, It’s very difficult for Asian men to get matches or if the guy does not have a six pack, he’s not attractive. It is what it is.

  • So being able to easily hookup with people who are conventionally more attractive than you is considered "hard mode" lol

  • 1: curvy and chubby chicks are gorgeous.

    2: All I can say about the casual blowjob thing is good luck in the future. I certainly wouldn't date you. Ew.

    3: You do not have it hard. Guys constantly want you and you let them use you. You want them to. You say you want a connection but not a serious relationship? What? That's contradictory. And your actions don't back up your claims.

    4: Tindr is nothing but horny pieces of shits and sluts anyway.

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