Sexual Relationships
+1 y

There is No Such Thing as "Tricking" Someone Into Sex

This shouldn't take too long.

I see a lot of posts here on GaG,

usually from females, that ask advice on whether a particular guy who talked to them or has texted them is trying or was trying to "trick" them into sex. It's usually accompanied by a lengthy (too lengthy, often) explanation of the surrounding affairs that lead them to being all twitterpated and cornfuzzled about why he would ask them so many times for sex when they're not so clear on the idea of whether they want it with him.

There is No Such Thing as

...*facepalm*

1) Guys ask for sex because they want it. That's like asking why you'd ask for a chocolate bar-- because you want it. I can't believe anyone could even be confused about that. "But, but why does he KEEP asking?" Um... because he wants it and he's hoping you'll change your mind. Duh.

2) People. Huddle up here-- There is no such thing as someone "tricking" you into sex. Being tricked is what happens when somebody Rick Rolls you online or sticks a soda into your six-pack of beer and you didn't notice or says they washed your car when they didn't. Getting a dick inside you is not something that happens as a result of "tricking"-- that happens because you wanted it to happen. And if you DIDN'T want it to happen, that's called sexual assault. Were you sexually assaulted? No? Then what are you talking about.

I'm amazed this needs to be said--

Take responsibility for your actions. It's your body and you choose what to do with it. If you want to have sex with someone, and they want to too, then do it. If you don't, then don't. Holy bloody fucking hell this is simple.

Getting mad after the fact that you didn't get everything emotionally that you wanted out of the other person, guy or girl, does. not. mean. that you were tricked in any way.

"But- but @Anon-ymous1! What if they TELL LIESSSSSS? ? ? ?!1 !!!! ? Like that they would be with me forever, or move in with me, or never even glance at another member of the opposite sex again except me, or buy me a pony? And then they didn't do that thing afterward? So that must mean they tricked me right?"

*pinches bridge of nose and squints in obvious mental discomfort*

There is No Such Thing as

If you are only having sex with someone because you think a checklist of conditions on your mental clipboard has been met ahead of time, then you didn't actually want to *have sex* in the first place... what you actually wanted was all that other stuff. So, again, refer back to ^ that part up there-- if you want to have sex, then do. If you don't, don't. It's your body, and you choose what to do with it. Acting like a little kid by hemming and hawing about being "tricked" is absurd. It's ridiculous. It makes you look crazy. Note: SOMEtimes, guys do this too, and the situation is no different; they look equally ridiculous. It simply seems that girls talk about this far more.

If someone tells you things ahead of time that will happen as a result of having sex with them, and those things don't end up happening later, THEN DON'T HAVE SEX WITH THEM AGAIN AND BLOCK THEIR FUCKING NUMBER if that's what you want to do. They may be a crummy person in your mind, but you weren't "tricked," because you still willingly chose to have sex with them. You're actually just patronizing yourself if that's what you think happened.

There is No Such Thing as

~ Thanks for your cooperation. Hugs and kisses.

6 17

Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree if you want to have sex have sex. If you don’t want to then don’t do it. Just the circumstances were not perfect or things didn’t work out that doesn’t mean you were tricked. Even if someone said they loved you you still wanted swx, you just wanted it with them loving you. If you had sex when you didn’t want r bc they said they love you well you did something you didn’t want to do but you decided to do it. that’s life. and that’s why I say only have sex bc you want to. Bc you never really know WHY the other person is there. and even a person in love can fall out of love it be mistaken.

    Unless you are being raped it was your decision. Rape is not a trick rape is rape. Having sex with someone who can’t say no like a child or disabled or under threat if they don’t , or having sex where someone no - that’s rape and it’s not a mind trick. it’s force.

    Having sex bc you decide to then not likkkg the outcome you were not tricked things jjat didn’t work out. And yes people lie but everyone knows this before they do anything. Evrything is a risk, nothing is definite.

    Basically saying you’re tricked into doing something you did volitionally is saying you’re feeble minded. I have no idea why anyone would willingly say this about themselves and as if it somehow absolves them. Like you’d rather be stupid then say you has sex you regret.

    I’m NOT saying rape is sex you regret. I’m not a person who assumes a person who claims rape just wishe they hadn’t said yes.

    I’m talking about when you have sex and the guy or girl turns out to be jerk. Or dumps you etc

    • Pretty much.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, you can have sex under "false" pretenses, but it's still your choice in the moment. You believed something about the situation was different but it means you made the choice under false pretenses, not that you didn't consent or were tricked.

    • Correct.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • First of all, don't go for a girl just because you want sex. There is such a thing as tricking a person into sex when you're not being authentic and honest from the get-go. That's why I ask every guy that asked me out if they believed in premarital sex. And if they did. Goodbye. Not every girl expects dating to be sexual and this needs to be talked about before dating them and getting serious. It's overall called manipulation. And not everybody is taught that sex before marriage is WRONG. And that you have the power and the right to stop it from happening in your dating life.

    • "There is such a thing as tricking a person into sex" Incorrect. "you have the power and the right to stop it from happening in your dating life." Correct.

    • It's only incorrect when you know you're responsible for leading a girl on. I have met plenty of girls who were blindsided by the truth because they didn't think that could happen to them. Especially when a guy walks after sex. The problem is a lot of men are notorious for this crime.

    • Just then, the perfect example to everything he just said appeared...

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  • Often, when a woman has sex with someone, it's because she loves him - not because of "all that other stuff". Whereas, too many men will lie, seduce, deceive a woman in order to have sex with her - telling her what he thinks she wants to hear so he can get a free orgasm. Don't be a cheapskate - hire a hooker! Hugs and kisses to you, too. 😊

    • Uh... right...

    • @ConnieS agreed xx ~ Mrs Manson

    • Women generally have exponatially way more sex than men, at least in the West. I don't think they genuinely love then fall out of love with that many people. That's where love being also a "choice" and not just a feeling becomes important, because otherwise there seems to be commitment issues.

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  • You were right it didn't take too long, but it was well written and spot on.

    Great job I couldn't agree more you covered exactly how it is, exactly how I feel and most everyone with the ability to think before they act.
    Guys and girls mainly guys will say things he believes a girl wants to hear, it might be all fake but it certainly isn't tricking the girl into having sex, some of the situations I read on G@G around this subject aren't funny at all, but you gotta laugh to yourself. Can anyone be that naive?
    Thank You Great Take

  • This is effing amazing man... no words to explain how much this soothes my soul! This mini article actually had me cracking up. Great job 👍😂

  • I completely agree. Guys are very upfront with what they want, we just don’t listen sometimes. If he wants to have sex and keeps asking, you have every right to say no. And just because he asks you many times does not mean you are OBLIGATED to follow through. If you say yes and participate in it then you can’t go back later telling everyone that he “tricked” you or “used” you. Now if he forced you into it after you said no then that’s a different story. That is sexual assault and rape.

  • The laws of jurisdictions may disagree with you.

    For example, the Indian Penal Code's Section 70: "A consent is not such a consent as it intended by any section of this Code, if the consent is given by a person under fear of injury, or under a misconception of fact, and if the person doing the act knows, or has reason to believe, that the consent was given in consequence of such fear or misconception."
    www.legaleraonline.com/.../does-sexual-intercourse-on-a-false-promise-to-marry-amount-to-rape
    https://indiankanoon.org/doc/1569253/

    So, if a girl in India gives permission to sex to a guy due to his promise to marry her and he deceives her with a "promise" he has no intentions of fulfilling, he's just committed rape.

    In the Philippines, "The Anti-Rape Law of 1997" (Republic Act 8353)'s definition of rape also includes sex by "fraudulent machinations" as a qualifying criterion.
    https://www.pcw.gov.ph/law/republic-act-8353

    India and the Philippines aren't the only jurisdiction with anti-"rape by deception" laws.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_by_deception

    So, the use of deception is not recommended. Depending on your country of residence, it could be a dangerous tactic. Surely, a worthy man can use other, more honorable tactics without resorting to something as low as shamelessly lying her panties off… and incurring a jail sentence.

    • Just playing devil's advocate: Deception is hard to prove. For many, sex is an important part of a relationship. If one has made promises and backs out because sex wasn't good. Would you count that as deception?

    • @halfbowsey I'm not sure about PH and other jurisdictions, but the article referenced on Indian law does discuss the issue of contract-violation (with initial intent at the beginning, but a change of mind later) and rape by deception (with 0 intention from the very beginning) and the implications of rapists to take advantage of this. Whatever the case, connecting promise to premarital sex does not seem advisable, for both parties and the local justice system. (In this case, the religious mandate of withholding 'til marriage seems to simplify yet another complication in life.)

    • ... What are you talking about? This Take isn't about rape.

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  • Why... the fuck... am i not following you already. How come you get to say it, and people listen? dont answer that.. i know why.
    This is an AWESOME take. But sadly, we will have to discuss it later, but i CAN SAY... when i dug into this and a bunch of other reasons why women (for the most part) do this dumb shit, its because they want the sympathy of the public by playing "victim". Its like when they go to a club, dressed like hoes, let some guy hook em up with free drinks all night, go to his house, fuck him, then wake up the next morning, regret it, and tell their friends that he raped her.
    Its part of that justification females use to block the fact that they either made a dumb decision, or were to stupid. Females pride themselves with thinking they know everything, and are never wrong. Also i think sometimes they want to know the future so they can't be wrong, thats why they ask stupid questions like "where is this relationship going"... like how the fuck should the guy know? its going where you want it.

    So when a situation comes out where they come out below, and not on top, they plead to public sympathy, play victim and point at the other party. When the reality is... THEY were the morons. If you read a few of my opinions and Takes, they HATE it when i point out what they do wrong, they hate that... and i LIVE to show it to them.

    Im gonna put this down... GREAT Take.

  • Well you tricked me. The beginning of this summary before I clicked it said the take wouldn't be long but it was super long.

    Anyhow, I disagree. People can most definitely trick someone into sex considering to societies views. How about the age of consent for one? If a underaged child is having sex with a adult three times their age. It naturally falls as statutory rape or even grooming. There's no way a child is able to to consent to that so they were tricked and or forced. That's law so it's going against your points. Unless you want to call it false and say children should have "accountability" as you keep mentioning. No one forced them to fall on a dick right? Or on a vagina.

    What about basic stuff like blind people? Or special needs people who can't competently be engaged in sex without coaching or persuading because they don't know what's going on? What about people who pretend to form a relationship just to exploit and screw the person then leave? Want me to keep going? Or should I just be quiet and accept everyone is equally responsible everytime a dick or vagina falls into their mouth? Because apparently there are no grey areas to you.

    • Throwing the terms/label over what each situation is called doesn't make it not a level of being tricked into sex. It still counts. The term just gives it a specific name.

    • Unless you pretend to be their spouse or SO, why would a blind person be tricked any more than anyone else? And the cases you mention, children and mentally disabled people, are obviously not what he was talking about. Why didn't you just mention sex with dogs while you were at it.

    • "How about the age of consent for one?" Are we talking about that? "What about basic stuff like blind people?" Um, blind people aren't allowed to have sex? Says who? "What about people who pretend to form a relationship just to exploit and screw the person then leave?" What, you mean jerks? What about them? That doesn't mean the other person didn't make their own choices. They can feel upset and angry; it doesn't mean they were "tricked." "Want me to keep going?" Nope, not really.

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  • I didn't read it all but i think u can trick someone like if you tell them you’re single (ur not) or pretend to be completely different just so they have sex maybe they know what theyre doing but theyre doing it based on something u lied about

    • Uh huh, except that still doesn't mean you didn't want to have sex with them. If after the fact, something you learn about them or something they did makes you mad so you don't want to have sex with them again, then don't.

    • Well yeah obviously then they won't, but its like when shops lie about a product and trick u into buying it. U still chose to buy it but you were ‘tricked’ into it

    • Well... no, I'd say it's not like that at all. Sex isn't like buying a product, unless it's prostitution, in which case I guess more like you're buying a service.

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  • Good take. I don't feel like girls can be tricked into sex unless she thought it was a date (going out to dinner) and instead he takes her back to his place to fuck. Then again, this doesn't mean she has to have sex with him, either. I will never go back to a guy's place if I don't like him enough to have sex with him. This is my rule, that I've always had. You might have sex and then wonder if they're going to call you--but if you see them as "relationship material" having sex isn't going to automatically change your view of them.

    I do believe guys can be tricked into having a "real relationship." It starts out harmless--sex and takeout. Then it becomes dinner and dates. Soon she has him meet her friends and family/vice versa and 6mo later asks if they're official when he just thought it was hooking-up. He made the mistake of meeting her relatives. Now they're both confused and possibly mad at each other. ARE PEOPLE REALLY THAT GULLIBLE?

    Now, my question for you; Why would someone keep having sex with someone if they don't see it turning into any type of relationship? Why do they drag things out if the person just annoys them? Why is good sex the end-all to a girl for some guys? I've been having sex with this guy for 10 months give or take. It's LITERALLY just sex and a little bit of conversation. We haven't met each other's families. He doesn't want marriage with anyone. We're straightforward with eachother. I don't want "more" with him and am cool with just the sex--but how long do you think this will go on?

    I let him see other women... so there is no reason to ever "officially end it" with me.

    Any advice?

    • Good answer. No advice though, no-- it seems like you have a decent handle on things.

    • Thanks! :) Yeah, I think I should be okay. I wish more guys were that straight-forward. I feel like sometimes all the extra romance is more manipulative than stating the guy wants sex. You agree?

    • I don't know, it depends on the two people involved.

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  • I enjoyed this take. I agree whole heartedly. There's no gun to your head, you always have a choice. People blame alcohol or drugs as their excuse instead of just being straight forward.

  • Tricked is the wrong word... but people can be manipulated or pressured into having sex... especially the very young... I've heard a lot if sad stories from my girlfriends... sex is a really complicated act that can have life changing consequences... both parties need to act responsibly...

    • Sure, both parties need to act responsibly.

    • Doesn't have to be that complicated really. Example 1: Person 1) Want to have sex? (Person 2) That sounds super. They have sex. Then either get together or go their separate ways. Example 2: Person 1) Want to have sex? Person 2) Not with you no. Person 1) Ok. Person 1 and person 2 go their separate ways. It is not that difficult.

    • @Ecco939 Basically.

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  • Finally, somebody said it. I don't have the energy to explain it over and over again.

  • while I'll agree you can't accidentally have a dick fall inside you, there is trickery to be had. Whether its the sexual assault you mentioned, ruffies, or self induced incoherence relying on the white knight to get you home safe, to he wanted a relationship and was falling in love.. until he came.

    • White knight? I thought it stopped to work long time ago, the decepction Im more used to see is the fucking bastard who is good with you, but dont worry " it will last". Do you have any experience about the white knight?, just to view if its even possible.

    • Its more one of the things you ussually doesn't want is a white knight... look for questions about nice guys.

  • Some people will put up a front that they are interested in you for more than just sex.
    Females or sometimes dudes too, will feel like they got played or tricked because the other person purposely built up the emotional trust that is required to get the other person to sleep with the individual.
    That is being deceiving. Some people in this world are just assholes.
    And they aren’t assholes for wanting sex only—they are assholes for not being honest about their intentions.
    But yeah, there are some guys who pressure girls into having sex (and vise versa), knowing that the person that they are preying on is weak minded. Hence why the guy or girl in some scenarios will keep asking for it persistently. That is manipulation.
    There is such thing as tricking someone or manipulating another into having sex.
    And no—I am not one of those people who’s claimed to be tricked or manipulated into doing such things, so I am looking at this objectively.

    • I'm looking at it objectively as well. The same people who would say that people have the right to self-determination and choosing what to do with their bodies (because that's the truth) then also patronize those same people when they're upset, by patting them on the head with an awww, you poor kid! You were tricked by that guy you willingly had sex with! ... Negative.

    • You make some reasonable points, but unless a girl says “I won’t have sex unless (fill in the blank) and unless the guy agrees and intentionally renigs there's no lying involved. Also pretty much all guys will be interested in having sex with around 85% of the girls they meet. Most of us don’t need some emotional trust. We just need to get our penis wet. Assuming guys need emotional trust or assuming they know or even care you need that is not rational. So most guys will have sex with most girls... but be in a committed relationship with them? That’s a whole different matter. I don’t sleep around anymore. When I did I didn’t need the girl to be any more than attractive enough for sex, of legal age for sex, and consenting to sex to in order to have sex with her. For her to be my girlfriend though... there’s a long list of criteria for that.

    • @Exterminatore I didn’t assume anything. SOME people—not all—need some kind of emotional trust. And others know how to play into that need in order to get what they want. If people were just more honest on both sides, no one would be calling out the other for manipulation.

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  • Great myTake. I feel the same way about the "He just used me for sex!" line.

  • I also like how women think that if I want to have sex with her, it means I have no respect for her and view her as nothing but a living sex toy. Obviously I can't have any positive attitude towards her if I think she's attractive at the same time, right?

    They're so paranoid about this that it makes me think that must be how THEY view MEN! They must think that all the men they find attractive are just walking, talking dildos.

    Like they put all men into two categories, "sexual," and "non-sexual," and non-sexual men are the only ones they consider as humans, as people. The sexual men must be viewed as mere objects.

    This is why women are so terrified of men "objectifying" them. Because they objectify men all the time and think nothing of it, but when they suspect it's happening to them, they become absolutely incensed and offended to the core of their very souls.

    • Eh, maybe?

  • That's no excuse to be a romantic criminal and lead people into a false sense of love/attraction. But I see your point. But the lessons continues with becareful who you lie to because at that point when they lash out and/ or kill you then you'll have to be responsible for your actions of lying.

    • The general rule of thumb in life is "don't be a jerk." And that's fine. That doesn't mean that just because Person 1 over here is a jerk and they have sex with Person 2, that Person 2 was tricked into sex due to the assholery of Person 1. Person 2 still chose to have sex with Person 1. That Person 1 is a jerk is a shame, but does not override or overrule Person 2's choices.

  • True.

  • Lmao nice

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